How do I get into this shit

The fun part is that it's actually true. After one evening i realized I wasn't even seeing the code anymore.

Start in adventure mode. Just run around into stuff, press buttons. screw up repeatedly. It shouldn't take long before you've started to figure out what you're looking at. That's all you're here to learn.

Now you're ready for fortress mode. Just do a default start. dig some tunnels. have everyone starve to death. try again. learn what a farm is and place one in a tunnel that you dug. have everyone die of thirst when the river freezes. try again.

I've been playing for like a decade now and I still don't know what I'm doing. I just fail better each time. I've had great short runs where I didn't even get underground. It's a game about failure.

dwarf fortress wiki and ingame guide
remember losing is fun
try adventure mode aswell, its easier

get dfhack and dwarf therapist and be aware that your first fort or 2 will have to be abandoned due to bullshit. understand that keeping your population satisfied is crucial to your survival, which means high quality rooms for everyone, a variety and large quantity of alcohol, tons of spare clothing, libraries, crafted goods, etc

this.
object testing arena is an even better place to start too, and is a genuinely safe learning environment where you can try and do all sorts of shit with no risk of failure.
fall to your death? make a new creature and possess that one.
want to know how much clothing you can equip? spawn a unit that has 10 of everything.
don't know what skill level you should start at in adventure mode? set a skill level on a unit and then spawn and control it.

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Rate my Great horned owl man, Yea Forums

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Play the quickstart version.

I don't believe you've played it seriously at all.
It doesn't take very much time to figure out how to make your fortress completely invincible to outside threats with walls and collapsed tunnels, or to make it self sustaining by plopping down literally one decent sized plump helmet farm and an accompanying brewery on an underground clay layer.
DF has an incredibly low skill ceiling for a city builder/management game.

>low skill ceiling
meant to say skill floor
You can do some crazy stuff if you know what you're doing and know how to have fun.

give me your best fort story
i need it

follow the df wiki start guide and don't touch the lazy newb pack with a 40ft pole. Maybe grab the therapist if you can't be fucked navigation the retarded UI to set dwarf labours.

I fucking hate noobs so much

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Everyday we stray further from god.

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You say that as if you thought that I was still on the learning to build wells step. My last failure was building lavafalls in the dining hall. My next failure will be whatever the hell I decide to do with this evil biome probably.

It was probably more fun to play than it will be to hear about, but I haven't mentioned the story of FellMaggot before.
I usually go into fort creation with a challenge in mind a little higher than I'm capable of pulling off. This time I decided that I was going to settle in the hottest biome in my world that I could find. it was a joyous wilds swamp. Since that wasn't hard enough on it's own, I settled over an aquifer. I'd never tried it before. I looked up methods for getting underground through one, and settled on the dirt plug method. By the time that I finished the plug, I had already built a small town out of mostly featherwood logs. I then found that the aquifer was deeper than I had thought.
This time I decided to build water pumps. In order to get mechanisms without access to even basic stone, I melted down everything I could find. I traded featherwood crafts with the caravans for metal items. I like to imagine some dwarf slaving away carefully engraving these well made copper toys thinking that some dwarven child would appreciate them, but no. They got melted down in FellMaggot to build machines that would eventually kill them.

The first pump stack failed to get underground when this area too was at least 2 layers deep. I planned for this the next time and made it big enough to accommodate a smaller area in the center for pumping. Unfortunately each of the 8 sections of pump needed to be worked manually. because the dwarves would pump at different speeds, the dwarves manning the upper pumps would often slip and fall into the lower reservoir being pumped up. The swastika shaped pumping machine killed 3 dwarves to drowning incidents before it was abandoned. My next idea was to automate it.

cont.

I was lucky that the giant mantises running around never attacked, because I melted down all of the armor on hand to make the dwarf eating swastika shaped pump stack long ago. By now it was 3 years in. Many migrants had arrived, and the log cabin town was growing very large. Everyone still dreamed of getting underground. I built 2 water wheels in the river, which transferred power to the swastika pump automatically. As soon as it was completed, it began pumping out water faster than the channel I had dug could hold it. It was pumping water out of the ground faster than the RIVER could hold it. a creeping wall of muddy swamp water was now slowly overflowing toward the town hall. Every mechanism of the machine was blocked by flowing water. every dwarf that attempted to break a piece of it had their clothing completely destroyed in seconds by the swastika. Mothers dropped their children into the current trying to cross it. Every child born in the past year was drowned in it.

My only hope seemed building a bridge over the river to reach the water wheels and break at least one of them. By the time they succeeded, every child was dead. Everyone was naked. The town was flooded. We still weren't underground. The worst part? it turned out to be 3 layers deep, and the machine wasn't made big enough for that.
I made one final attempt. I planned out a new system that wouldn't drown anybody, or create a rogue nazi AI water pump. It was only one layer deep in the new location and all the planning was for nothing. We finally made it underground and I started to move stuff into the cavern that I dug into. I had barely started when two blind cave trolls barreled up to the surface, smashed up the town, and killed some of the dwarves. The tantrum spiral could not be recovered from. FellMaggot ended on it's 5th year.

Read up on a comprehensive tutorial and compliment it with youtube vids and once you get the hang of the commands you'll be doing forts like it's nobody's business. Also make a plan on what type of fort do you want to create but also don't try to stick with it too much or else it might not be FUN

>be me
>join this Yea Forums server called the Archive Fields
>( discord.gg/HnuUfGn )
>filled with literal pedos, traps, etc
>cant report them to ToS because they delete posts that break it
>faggot called AA-1 runs the place
>bunch of people tell me to post my legs
>comply because desperate for attention
>AA-1 tells me if I write "copelets" on my body, he'll give me a special number
>stupidly think "fuck it why not"
>do it
>I send it to him
>he sees it
>I delete it
>he saves it and shows it to everyone
>bullies me all day about it and calls me a retard and idiot
>everyone in the server keeps calling me a retard
>even the fucking traps their are bullying me
>AA-1 even DM's me and says the only way to make up for this is too start a live stream and shill the server and then seriously killing myself
>leave the server and have massive panic attack
>AA-1 sends all of his little buddies to add me as a friend and keep trying to guilt trip me into rejoining the server
>inb4 "just ignore them"
>AA-1's friends are in other main servers I use and they keep harassing me in their as well

Please help, what do I do? These faggots is seriously ruining my life.b

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You make the rest of your life about it

What the FUCK does this have to do with Dwarf Fortress?

Play a real game like COD instead of this nerd shit

1. You're an idiot.
2. Literally no one cares he's got a picture of your legs.
3. Those morons are obviously not your friends.
4. Either stop using Discord like a degenerate tranny or MAKE A NEW ACCOUNT.

issue a dig command and your dwarves will dig into the hill.

It's pasta.

make a new account retard

So what do you fellas do with vampires in your forts? I like to lock them in a room and make them my bookkeeper, pic related.

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we're not joining your server faggot

>follow quick start guide
>dig into moutain and close off behind with drawbridge
>send one dorf to make a trash hole with access to the sun, use a grate at the top
>after 9 gorillion years figure out how to make infinite alcohol and food with 8 turkey hens and a 4x4 plump helmet farm
>have no idea how military, nobility, trade, etc works
>dont know what to do anymore
>winter comes
>underground river freezes
>try building a big net like with vertical grates so i can trap fish passing through
>spring comes and thaws water
>everything washes away
>get mad and never play again

gaga

The only thing you need for Dwarf Fortress is the capacity to learn.

>learn what the ascii represents
>learn the UI and keyboard commands

Apparently people are such brainlet cucks these days they need everything spoonfed to them.

Suck his dick that'll really teach him some manners

Post your legs retard

That's the impression you made when you said
>I've been playing for like a decade now and I still don't know what I'm doing.

>want to start a new fort
>the new update will be out any day now