Everyone on this board is suddenly teleported to Peach's castle and cannot leave until Bowser is defeated...

You could probably bypass a lot more than Mario would be willing to. If we all worked together we could probably just storm the place and get to the final area and figure out something there and then. No stars needed, break the doors down. I'm first in fucking line for Peach's kiss

if real physics apply, 90% of anons drown Jolly Roger Bay

>You can only jump as high as you can IRL
Has anyone ever tried beating Mario 64 without jumping?

yeah, but we still need to collect stars because we can't blj up the infinite stairs

>we can't blj up the infinite stairs
speak for yourself loser, I've been training all my life for this very moment

It'd take forever but you could probably sort out a wrecking crew to approach the entrance from another angle.

>You can only jump as high as you can IRL without the aid of power-ups
Is that the only restriction to game logic? Can we still get fired out of cannons and survive or throw bowser? Mario levels are impossible to complete as a human without tools/vehicles, our best bet at that point is breaking down star doors if game logic doesn't mean shit anymore anyway.

Damn that's true, we need to coop to get 70 easy stars

How do you guys evaluate the entrances to levels, physics-wise? I feel anons would be safe entering a level since Mario's entrance also removes any notion of impact; it's done in a way he ordinarily can't do by himself on command so I think it's the magic of the paintings that guarantees a safe entrance.

>everyone does this

God I love these threads

this is the sad reality, sans a few boomer dads that are going to pull all the weight

>That guy that starts glitching into walls, never to be seen again

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Do we get marios strength to pick up things?
Because we ain't getting star #1 with King bob-omb otherwise.

Uh, not possible. Forgetting the fact that most normal humans will get their asses crushed by even the most basic mario monsters, a team of unfit nerd nerds or even an Olympic athlete wouldn't survive the amount physics of every fall/drop, DIVING underwater, lava level etc.

Just come to terms that we're all screwed and try to make a new civilization outside that castle.

I am, fucking pleb, get gud

I can do Mario

>forcibly grab someone's head and make them look at the wing cap entrance light
>they disappear and probably just fall down as soon as they enter the wing cap tower

I'm sure everyone could gang up on Bowser himself but getting to him would be the issue. There are multiple jumps and heights that are simply impossible to reach by human standards

>You can only jump as high as you can IRL without the aid of power-ups
But can I BLJ?

does a world really exist outside the castle? All we have is some trees, a bird or two, and a pond with a handful of fish

>push a 6 ton dragon turtle that breathes fire
Yeah sure

There are 10000 of us on the board at any given time, so if all of us got teleported, I'm sure it'd work out

Seeing as the game can be completed with almost no A-presses/jumps, it should still be possible.

Mario Odyssey confirmed that the Mushroom Kingdom/Peach's castle is just one small part of the Mario universe.

>Not even enough resources to survive so the only option is to suicide mission the castle

Let's be honest, everyone will be at each other's throats, many will lose their shit or go all out crazy. It'll turn into lord of the flies within hours.

Mario 64 is impossible for humans for obvious reason, even if we could triple jump and had super strength, everyone would still fail.

This is like some shit from bird box movie

There are some toads inside, we can eat those

>be passable tranny
I don't have to do anything. I can just get railed by repressed anons while everyone else figures it out. I can even afford to finally kill myself a few times. With 5 lives and a few beta orbiter anons that will no doubt attached and bring me more, I think we definitely got more than a 40% chance of getting out of this one.

If the plumber can do it we should be able to.

>1000lb giant dinosaur
>average weight of a Yea Forumsirgin is about 350lbs
dude a thousand of us just dogpiling him would be enough

Bang peach is the only solution.

Actually there will probably be some engineers between the anons. The fact that Mario refuses to use weapons and tools doesn't mean we have to. Plus, we got a wholenshitload of autists here that want to go home and fap on /gif/ I think it'd be fine.

Maybe we can form a human pyramid to reach the roof and get 99 lives? With that, you can just kill yourself if you are hungry, hopefully, it will reset that way.

The only physical limit is how high we can jump, so we can still BLJ.

>Gather up a team of NPC characters (Toad, Rabbit, etc) to get the stars for me and reap the rewards.

This thread was amazing when it was about Ocarina of Time. All you spergs are being too realistic about this. Why not have fun in the castle too? You guys can catch me by the secret slide where I'm gunna be having so much fun going fast as fuck boy.

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The real question is what sort of physics does Mario's world obey? We can't jump like Mario does, but what about our interactions with other stuff? What exactly is a Goomba? They're supposed to be mushrooms, right? Mushrooms don't weigh shit. Even an angry, sentient mushroom could be handily dealt with via a swift kick.

What are blocks made of? Mario breaks them by jumping into them; is that a statement on the power of his jump (and the strength of his skull) or are they just fragile? Most things in SM64 don't crumble when broken, they shatter with a "BOING" into little shards. Are they some sort of fragile substance like porcelain or glass?

Bomb King doesn't need to be taken out like Mario does it. All we have to do is light the fuse and roll his ass off the hill.

Sure just let me vibrate for 200 years to build up speed so I can phase-shift through dimensions to get a 1/6000 chance to pinpoint spawn at exactly the next star or be lost in oblivion forever.
That will be way easier than jumping and climbing.

that's a good plot for anime

Low level enemies would probably be exploitable too. They don't seem to be much more that grunts and could probably be persuaded to help out. Train a horde of Goombas and Bob-Ombs to do the work for you with the promise of a better life afterward. You'll be eating the Peach's "cake" in no time.

Imma ride that koopa shell all day long

>there might be some engineers but can they make the tools from scratch?
>"hey engineer bro, can yoy make a heat & fire resistant suit and whike you're at, I need sone scuba gear and a mini submarine that can handle underwater pressure, thanks!"
>"hey, any of you autist willing to make a 2 meter jump over a certain death pitfall or lavapit? C'mon dont be a pussy!"
"Hm that giant monster looks kinda angry, did yoy finish making that gun yet?"

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You can't get into paintings without jumping.

mate you don't know WHAT you are talking about.

Let's have fun with this: Star and locked doors are indestructible, but the surrounding walls aren't. You can't repair them once they're busted, and if the castle collapses we all die. Which walls can we destroy while still maintaining the structural integrity of the castle?

H-How do you pause?

If the castle collapses, the paintings are destroyed too and thus the worlds within them. Let's assume that the Bowser worlds work on the same logic. Castle collapses, worlds are destroyed and with them Bowser. Mission Complete.

You could destroy all of them, assuming you did it correctly.

Consider: if a wall with a human-sized hole in a specific location will collapse, then you could not have put a door in that location.

Chipping out little tunnels we could crawl through around each door frame would do nothing to upset the structural integrity of a stone castle. Assuming we could develop the tools we needed to do that, of course, which would be the real trick.

a watch/ boiling pot of water

It'd wear thin quickly. You can do more in Hyrule, you could live a normal life while someone else does Link's job. Peach's castle is just a gauntlet

Mario can survive some crazy stunts so I would attribute it to his power.

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Statistically, a number of you fucks are going to rape poor Toad.

If you can take out the Lakitu camera operator and hijack his cloud and then reach the Yoshi on the roof of the castle, you could likely use both to get enough stars to beat the game.

Bob-Ombs battlefield has
>wood
>stone
>water
>barbed wire
>whatever you can harvest from goombas and koopas
>metal
>gunpowder
>actual fucking cannons

Should be easy if the resources are properly utilized

you cant transfer material between worlds brother

>Find the closest thing to bring a female
>Fuck it
>Rinse repeat

Another take: Mario's jump height isn't the only broken thing about his physics, his fall rate is wrong too. The rate at which he descends from the air is not at all proportional to the rate a human being of average height does on Earth due to gravity.

This gives the sense, and in fact it may be the case, that Mario, and everything in his world, is just small as fuck. Would we get there to discover Bowser was just the size of an ordinary tortoise? Would the entire castle be like 9 feet high?

I mean we have a lot of losers on Yea Forums so we could sacrifice some

If Mario can bring his clothes and stars out of a level then we can stuff a bunch of shit into our clothes to get them out too

>castle filled with 13 year olds screaming crude jokes about peach

>passable
Dilate

It's true. If Mario loses his hat, he jumps out of the painting without it. We have to be able to cheese that somehow.
Maybe we can detach one of the cannons from battlefield, put it on wheels and bring it straight to Bowsers faggy-ass staircase

just kidnap a bunch of bob ombs, blindfold them, and carve our way with explosives to that retard

bold of you to amuse i forgot about bowsette

clothes and stars sure, but boxes, powerups, etc.. cannot be brought onto the world, i feel like thats only true to things which does not belongs to us, except for the stars and lives and stuff

>That one group of Anons who swears allegiance to Bowser and fucks up most of our plans.

Assholes

Without doing anything besides actually collecting the 70 stars, which 70 would be the easiest to actually obtain in this situation?

Koopa the quick could be beaten by any Kenyan anons

Finding the little penguin would just take one user protected by a bunch of other anons to make sure they reach the mama penguin, would likely result in more than a few deaths

just fucking forget lethal lava land

The ice puzzle from the second snow world is probably easily possible too

Well we could always shove them up our anuses. I am confident I could fit a cannon, I have quite the capacity.

That's ridiculously arbitrary, what makes something belong to us? How does it know that our clothes belong to us? If we go into a painting, swap clothes, then exit, do we lose the clothing?

come back with our same clothing.

you gay niggers are going to save us all

Ok we're gonna draw straws to see who has to distract the chain chomp while the rest of us pound down this peg

>enter lethal lava land
>die instantly due to the heat
I'm going to hang out with Mips instead

How can Mario lose/retrieve his hat then?

>the cult of pannenkoek forms, immediately somehow traps koopa the quick in a parallel universe, then goes to hazy maze cave to build up speed

>Emerges out in the real world before the game is over, everyone with the power of Dr Manhattan

Considering anyone who entered any area with lava would burn to death instantly or several water levels would kill you from asphyxiation, no?

very carefully. also this is based on the thought that mario has never carried any item from a star/death transition into the castle, except for maybe some powerups?

>cut down trees outside of castle
>Make simple tools
>Keep gathering materials and upgrading our tools until they're usable to defeat tougher enemies
>Defeated enemies, fish from dire dire docks, and edible plants become our food supply.
>We also make stone age technto help us get over large areas.
>The more doors we get unlocked aid us in obtaining new materials.
>Months later and months of doing this, a group of smart anons figure out a way to partially utilize Mario's power up
>Eventually we defeat star 1 Bowser and get ready for the basement area.
>Tfw we are a step closer to railing peach but our only problem is to figure out who goes first.

Imean, we could make the argument that Mushroom Kingdom just poerates on a different set of physics where even the most unathlethic neet could jump at least three meters in the air. After all, SM64, if I recall correctly, was still with the assumption that Mario was an average plumber from Brooklyn...

Let's not go to Dry Dry Desert either. That place is fucking lethal. Tick Tock Clock and Rainbow Ride are also out of the picture.

If you know you won't be able to accomplish anything, where are you hanging out while you wait? For me its Big Boo's haunt, Wet Dry World, Whomp's fortress, Tiny huge island, and maybe Hazy Maze cave as long as the main area won't be toxic enough to kill me.

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fuck that i'm going to the drown house

Should it be that one user who punted a gumba 3 feet in the air or that one user who plans on playing a song on the piano in ghost world?

But is Peach not also trapped within one of the worlds? Killing her renders the whole journey a moot point.

That's fair. While the foyer's key door doesn't line up perfectly with the walls behind it, it'd likely do very little damage. Then you would only have to burrow three times if you were trying to go straight to the endless staircase. Well done, user.

You can lose your hat and exit the stage without it.
Then you can go back in and retrieve it.

How much does king bob-omb weigh? Would we have to work together to pick him up, or could we just push him over a bunch?

This is actually the plot if the new sword art online probably

>we decide to make a human ladder to reach Yoshi
>If things work out we can all get extra lives
>Success
>A minute later Yoshi Jumps off the roof in fear because the first user tried to do something weird
>He swears that Yoshi was being a fag, but the top 2 anons says otherwise.

I'm at a loss now

OK, anons. I'll do all the starts in bob ombs castle, appart from the cannon once, i dont think i`ll survive the shot.
Also im doing the ice world, im quite good with handling the cold

>implying people would dare to attack him even as a group, when its garuanteed he would pick up a few of them and throw them 100 meters down a cliff

Even if he can be defeated by being bumrushed by 20 people, no one would want to sacrifice themselves.

I think everyone here has a good chance of getting fucking slaughtered.
Unless we were given Super Mario level superhuman strength, scientifically it's actually impossible for the normal human body to withstand the type of shit Mario goes through. Our weak ass fragile human bodies can easily be crushed like bugs or suffer some real life threatening injuries if we were to encounter a single Bomb-ombs, or we get mauled alive by the Chain-Chomp in the first level of Mario 64. Even if we were to survive and escape, King Bomb-omb would easily pound us as if we were dough.
So if we realistically can't defeat the first boss, what makes you think we'd have any real chance against Bowser of all characters?
Not to mention our energy would be weak because of the lack of available food there is. But if we were given Super Mario strength as seen in the games or at least equip ourselves with some weapons, we'd actually have a shot of making it out alive.
But yeah we'd all fucking die.

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>saying something weird to Yoshi
>not rushing him down and pinning him before revealing your degenerate nature
Sasuga

Yoshi doesn't appear until you have 120 stars. I've gotten up to the castle roof at the start of the game before

>one, two, oh-oht mehl

see

Maybe we could make one user more powerful than a real human if we give him the power stars, if we can get any that is.

If we succeed, who gets to fuck peach first?

smallest dicks first and up, its the only fair way. no-one wants to fuck a cavern

because it belongs to mario you fucking stupid asshole fuck you

Everyone would be killed

That would work but what would we do about the first batch of anons who already fucked peach and wants to go again.

So many anons would just stick to trying to fuck the few Toads hanging around the castle.

>But is Peach not also trapped within one of the worlds?
No, she's in the stained glass on the front of the castle.

>Mario breaks them by jumping into them
He punches them or lands on them with his fat ass.

>Pink Bob-omb
>Mama Pengiun
>Spinning flower enemy, maybe
>Put mascara on Toad
>Put mascara on Goomba
I'm out of ideas.

The Mario thread is what inspired the OoT thread

Real talk though how would even a bunch of normal humans defeat Bowser?

Mario has super strength and can throw Bowser around like a bitch but what could a bunch of fat out of shape nerds do that doesn't involve everybody that managed to get through the obstacle courses getting incinerated in the first few seconds?

Why would I want to escape? I'm gonna go eat some cake with the princess.

>A confidant ghost
>Fish with sunglasses
>Doorknobs

You could also just break in from outside.

the hat isn't magically bound to mario
it's just a hat
there is nothing that could judge whether it's marios or not
once the monkey steals it it's the monkeys

You get five lives and access to 1-ups though. It's not like they're making any meaningful sacrifice.

Can you eat goombas?

Great now my superior Cuban genes will be wasted trying to carry retarded white kids

I'm just gonna chill on the grass outside and ride that big slide with the big penguin motherfucker until one of you wins. The competitiveness will probably reach unbearably homoerotic levels within 10 minutes of arrival.

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Am I forced to do Mario’s little spin when a Star is touched? Is every single user forced into this dance when ever a single star is obtained or just the one user who touched the star? Are BLJs possible?

Yoshi only appears at 120 stars

kill them. theyll come back but not too quick

I'm gonna hang out in Jolly Roger Bay. Of the earlier levels it seems like the nicest place.

So who's doing the eel level and the one with the shark in the beginning?

Well... In this game, Mario is considered very short.
Wouldn't it be safe to assume most of us are much taller than Mario? The jumps aren't as big as they appear then.

>Not hanging out in the comfy water section of Whomp's Fortress

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Is BLJing and speed building allowed?

pool parties erryday

How are you going to get up there?

We could try pole-vaulting. Also, how would we deal with some of the bosses? IIRC, King Whomp can only be defeated via ground pound.

Jolly Roger Bay, I like swimming.

That raises the question of how you leave each world once you get a star.

Just let the owl carry you.

velvet room

>no one wants to defeat Whomp because it makes you literally butthurt

It's like two inches of water.

We actually could, there's a ton of easy stars in that game. Defeating Bowser would be the hard part.

>he didn't know the first thread was about this
This is a re-release.

I think we should never cut the trees outside the castle, since trees take a lot of time to grow and we can't bring anything but stars out of the stages.

We could succeed if we approach it like Pikmin. However, we need an Olimar.

Could try making bows and arrows from the trees.
A kill's a kill, right?

>we have lives
well that sucks the fun out of it, everyone will just farm lives and Any challenge will be overcome eventually.

Mario is 5'1". Shorter than the average person but not extraordinarily tiny.

>jamming hundreds of people into Peach's tiny fucking castle

>Cuban
>superior
Bro your entire race is sub 5ft, you won't be able to carry anyone lol

>hundreds

There's almost 100 unique posters in this thread alone.

If we were allowed to do certain stunts Mario wasn't capable of in the actual game, like climbing shit, yes I think it could work.

If we can't leave the castle then we can't get the invisible cap and thus we can't win.

What's stopping us from going out that door? Zombie dogs? I wanna go check out the Mushroom Kingdom.

If all of us could lift him at once we could. Or the dogpile thing. You're right about the Canon shot thing though. We would be dying constantly but it would only take a few guineapig anons to test the distance.

No power ups though, how can you get all the red coins in the flying segment? What about the walls you need to walk through and the poison? We need power ups on

>one-ups are available
Then there are more than enough places to grind them as much as you like.
Without BLJs and parallel universes it's going to get difficult, though.

Automatically teleported by the star, I'd guess.

One question: Where are we getting the fire from?

He probably meant that Yea Forums's userbase (over a 24h period) is probably more in the (tens of) thousands.
"hundreds" is a gross underestimate.

there's torches in the lower floors castle so we can just take one of those

>Lifting King Bob-Omb
>Holding our breath for long enough in Dire Dire Docks
>Lifting Bowser
>Surviving the extreme heat of Bowser in the Fire Sea
How do we achieve these?

Some autist will clip through the walls and doors and we'll get out in 10 minutes
Give us a real challenge

don't you need a key to get there?

does velocity work the same way as in engine, i.e. you can do blj and bomb clips?

Considering that Mario not only can jump higher than the average person but also falls slower, it's fair to think that gravity at the very list is different there. While we might have a bit of trouble swinging Bowser around, the jumps actually shouldn't quite be impossible.

Why would we want to leave?
The Mushroom Kingdom is objectively a much better place to live than the real world
We should just take advantage of our good luck in being isekai'd and just assimilate into Mushroom Kingdom society

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I second this guy, but I probably wouldn't swim, just sit by the water, always wanted to be on the ship / beach of jrb

Does anyone has a link to the ocarina thread? I missed it and i fucking love those kinds of threads.

>Lifting King Bob-Omb
He's not THAT big all things considered, with enough anons we could lift him
>Holding our breath for long enough in Dire Dire Docks
This one might be tough but there's no need to get any of the stars where the sub is, so all we'd have to do is hold our breath long enough to get any of the stars in the starting area which should be doable. The chests are probably manageable since we can dive, trigger one, then swim back up then repeat
>Lifting Bowser
This will probably take a lot of effort. I'm thinking something like
>Make a rope out of vines from various levels
>Dogpile Bowser
>Tie the rope to his tail
>Have all of our strongest anons spin him around
Might work but he's probably quite heavy
>Surviving the extreme heat of Bowser in the Fire Sea
Not sure about this one. Feels like a case where we'd have to hope that Mario world physics are just different and that the heat from the lava wouldn't fry us. Considering regular Goombas are fine you would hope we could manage.

>>Dogpile Bowser
haha

based igoranon

>Supposed to be a luxurious castle
>no place to eat, sleep, or shit

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with enough brute force we could just knock it down

I always assumed the painting rooms were supposed to be for stuff like that but Bowser replaced them

I don't think many anons would have the balls to attack Bowser and risk getting burned alive, cut in half or smashed into the floor by him, not to mention that lifting him won't be enough, we need to throw him pretty far and be accurate at that.

Finally gonna go on the adventure I always wanted.

Just yell out "Let's get that Krazy Koopa Kock!" and you'll have at least a dozen anons charging in with you.

you're like two inches of water

Mario is pretty short so the jumps would not be as impossible as they seem. If theres a lanklet ITT that ran track well make it.

>Not juat getting a couple anons to be bait while someone pickpockets any boss or Bowser for stars/keys

I love fishing so I'll be by pond, I'll also steal the toads weed stash

I'll probably be on cooking duty for one of the adventuring groups. Lord knows I'm not much use in any physically active way.

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>everyone races to be the one to throw the penguin off the cliff

Well I mean it is a kingdom of literal mushroom people, would you be at all surprised if they were actually mushroom sized?

inb4 "Hazy Maze = Castle sewage system" theory

what do we use for lube though
putting a bunch of males in a confined space is the recipie for prison gayness

>IIRC, King Whomp can only be defeated via ground pound.
half of the user's here can probably just sit on King Whomp until he dies.

>I can even afford to finally kill myself a few times.
>tranny goes to a video game and the first thing ze thinks of to do is kill zimself
ebin

>All of us kick the limited doors open, even the star ones
>We all group up on the infinite staircase so that people eventually don't have enough room and glitch through the barrier.
>Some people work together to carry/throw/defeat bowser
>Everyone rapes Peach at the end
>We all teleport back home

are there pics like this for all the levels?

I always thought the castle in paper mario was meant to be what it really looked like. has a kitchen and library and everything

such a comfy level

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>enter castle foyer
> DON'TLOOKUPDON'TLOOKUPDON'TLOOKUP

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Impossible. I would never want to return to the hell that is my life. I PK in Tera, and would probably ally myself with bowser.

Knowing the eel was down there would scare me shitless, not a chance I would get close. Even if I saw him from the shallows I'd nope the fuck out.

The plumber is also able to jump up 7 feet

im gonna grab the first trap i see and plow 'em on peach's bed.

>he doesn't fucking know Pancakes

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Guys
GUYS

Where do I go to the bathroom? I haven't seen one since we got here.

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i might like it better before you get the first star, its darker and cloudier

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Oh you think that's a problem? Have you seen a kitchen?

Where is the best place to sleep unmolested?

in my arms qt ;)

Okay but I get night terrors.

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>>Make a rope out of vines from various levels
>>Dogpile Bowser
>>Tie the rope to his tail
>>Have all of our strongest anons spin him around
at that point just just build a bomb yourself by defusing bob ombs / killing pink bob ombs and making a big bomb out of them to roll at bowser