One is a job and the other is mental sickness

>people behave differently in the middle of an active firefight than they do otherwise
fucking unrealistic shit how dare they

>How does heavy pick up Ammo Packs if every bullet in his gun has to be a two-hundred dollar custom-tooled cartridge at ten-thousand rounds per minute?
He’s a team player that shares his custom bullets
>How can he afford to shoot his gun for so long when it costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire it for twelve seconds?
Robots that for some reason run on piles of money

As I remember poker night is not considered as canonical by valve.

And I don't think that heavy is "different" in comics. During fights, he is portrayed as that heavy weapons guy we see in the game.

If thats not valid for you then Heavy referring to himself in 3rd person is an even dumber personality trait in-game.

>shares his custom bullets
Man I never knew heavy was THAT based

>he doesn't know
Read the comics.

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>"TANGO 3 TAKING FIRE REQUIRE ASSISTANCE"
>lol fgt talking about himself in third person
again, firefight.

I thought it was a Slav thing to refer to yourself in third person

Engie and especially his grandfather are smart as fuck so of course he wants to follow his legacy. His domination lines are pretty polite all things considered too.

They're all on a varying level of insane

Some are insanely stupid and some are insanely dangerous and insane but keep it hidden and others are just stupid

Scout and Demo are stupid, Soldier is insanely stupid

Medic is insanely dangerous and Engie is insane but keeps it hidden but lets it out occasionally

shit like that

>Scout can read (Expiration Date)
>Soldier prolly can't read, but he references Sun Tzu's Art of War and the Bible, so I wouldn't be so sure.
>Pyro can't read (Comics)
>Demo can read, he tried reading the Bombinomicon
>Heavy has a PhD in Russian Literature
>Engie can read (fucking 11 PhDs)
>Medic can read (He had a medical license)
>Sniper can read (Most Wanted taunt)
>Spy can read (Expiration Date)

Medic is probably the worst of the lot because he basically plays god and is able to do shit like keep his team alive by putting new organs into them

His halloween cosmetic lines especially shows he doesnt give a fuck what happens and just intrigued by everything

He isn't stupid, he's just not very good at english.

I blame gmod for turning all the tf2 cast into these amalgams of hyper autistic monsters. Even if they are funny

Soldier can read. Besides Sun Tzu, he also reads in the comic when buying his coat and made a bunch of fake Mann Co signs for the Decoy Base.

Demoman isn't stupid, he's drunk.

When he's sober he's Demoknight.

Scout is pretty much retarded, probably from the constant radiation poisoning.

>Soldier prolly can't read
he can, just VERY poorly

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Soldier references books but clearly hasn’t read them

Gmod is the reason whenever I think of gman, I think of his retarded morphed face.

Even when he's Demoknight he's still drunk

He's just actively drunk all the time so it's hard to tell if he's actually stupid or not but from what we see of him it's obvious he's probably the 2nd most normal just under Heavy

>reads SEARS as Soviet because it has an S in the front

>peak internet humour from 2007 to 2013

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Scout struggled to read the submachine gun box. And Heavy probably can't read english very well.

>And Heavy probably can't read english very well.
Heavy is most likely able to read english.

to get a phd in things like literature, history, and the like, one needs to know several languages, in order to have full access to every possible major source one might come across

>When he's sober he's Demoknight.

No, when he's Demoknight he's super drunk. So drunk, he can't remember how to use a grenade launcher.

Most sane to least sane we have:
Scout = Demoman > Spy > Sniper > Heavy > Engineer > Soldier = Pyro = Medic
Scout is stupid but he's not crazy. Similarly Demoman is just usually drunk but not insane. Spy is reasonably sane given his line of work. Sniper too though some of his lines and items suggest a little insanity. Heavy seems insane in fights and in early comics but more normal in later comics. I attribute it to him slowly regaining his senses, at least while not fighting. Engineer is insane but not nearly as badly as the final three, whom I can't really rank as they're all mad in their own way.

>Scout struggled to read the submachine gun box.
*block your path*
youtu.be/GLlLQ3LmZWU?t=462
teamfortress.com/tf02_unhappy_returns/#f=22

Spy out of all of them seems like the one to be the voice of reason and order since he always acts professional except with scout because of his obvious family implications.

>"oh hey that post is older than Episode T-"
>the cliffhanger
I'm still mad.

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Spy, Demo and Heavy strike me as sane, however. Even if Heavy was flanderized to hell and back.

He immediately stopped reading upon seeing the S. Doesn't mean he illiterate, just insane. Hell, he wrote an application to Mann Co's Decoy program.

Real question is why is someone with a PhD in literature on the battlefield.

Scout is mentally handicapped and also possibly a paedophile

wasnt there also an update on the blog written by the soldier once?

Engineer is pretty sane except for that whole gunslinger thing.
Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality so he's more sane than Soldier or Pyro.

Because even though you’re a seven foot tall wall of muscle, having the brains to outsmart bullets is a plus

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>How does heavy pick up Ammo Packs if every bullet in his gun has to be a two-hundred dollar custom-tooled cartridge at ten-thousand rounds per minute?
>How can he afford to shoot his gun for so long when it costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire it for twelve seconds?
Mann Co. along with Black Mesa and Aperture really like wasting money

>Implants the TFC cast with monkey organs
>Grounded in reality

>Scout is retarded, mostly illiterate and probably fucked up by severe radiation poisoning, fucked (or tried to, I don't recall) highschool girls, but otherwise sane
>Soldier was already insane, and lost whatever intelligence and sanity he had left to years of lead poisoning
>Pyro is crazy, but apparently still intelligent enough to become a CEO
>Demo is intelligent, normal, but is just constantly blackout drunk
>Heavy literally has a bed for his gun, and talks to his food, otherwise a smart man
>Engie is crazy enough to chop off his hand, but otherwise appears about the sanest
>Medic is a sociopath and criminally insane
>Sniper throws piss and relishes in killing
>Spy is the most professional of everyone, but clearly still nuts (convinces a child to kill Santa, hides miniature rotisserie chickens in his teeth, etc)
They're all different degrees of crazy really.

Because there was no other job

Hey, it worked.

he literally pump n' dumped her
spy's a chad he doesn't care if she's used goods she was just another hole to him

>Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality

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>he doesn't care if she's used goods she was just another hole to him
The way he picked up the photograph and his reaction at the end of Meet the Spy clearly imply otherwise.

>Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality
nigga, he literally stole the souls out of the rest of the team, in order to bargain with satan

>One cuts off his arm
and replaces it with an objectively superior alternate
don't forget that part

Does Mann Co. canonically belong in the same universe as the other games? I forget if there's ever any direct references.

Why does both the heavy and medic not have class specific domination lines?

teamfortress.com/tf02_unhappy_returns/#f=24

>Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality
Stop reading there

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Pyro sees people as smokey bear telling him not to start fires and his suit is filled with asbestos probably further fucking his mind up

Id honestly say engie or spy are the only ones you could rely on who wouldnt turn on you either like Medic did

i remember laughing my ass off at pic related

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valve was too lazy

Is gm_construct the comfiest map in all of vidya?

No, the only valve games with connected universes are Half-Life and Portal

No it’s gm_bigcity

Medic's actor notoriously never did new lines until halloween 2014 or MvM its stupid

Dude’s busy with other shit my man

Regular people don't chop off an arm to wear a prosthetic, user.

That dark room is pretty spooky honestly. Outside is maximum comfy though.

The Gunslinger is no mere prosthetic, user.

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>YOU NE-NEED ME...

both of those maps really instill in me a fear of being alone
yes i know about the bigcity jumpscare

>hides miniature rotisserie chickens in his teeth
You know how the CIA hid cyanide pills in their agents' teeth in case they were found out. Spy is merely using the hollowed out fake tooth for food instead.

But it was like that since the beginning of the game. They've added new voice lines since but none have been new domination lines for heavy or medic. What happened during development to where they couldn't record at least 9 more lines each for heavy and medic?

And Demoman is too drunk to read most of the time

he also has the cyanide

>Jumpscare
I-It’s just that thing in the corner of that one dark alley right...?

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They also for some reason skipped Demo's MvM lines but recorded them for Heavy despite having the same actor

And pyro never gets new lines except like 2 or 3 despite how easy it would be to record mumbling

off you go...

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Maybe they thought they shouldn’t bother with Medic since he’ll rarely be dominating players by himself, but I’ll be there on Medic’s voice actor being too busy to pay attention to Valve’s summons
Heavy though? I would’ve liked to hear what he personally thinks of everyone else besides just calling them babies

Oh fuck what’s in there? 8 years I’ve played gmod and never cared to bother with every door

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user don't try to rationalize a fucking rotisserie chicken hidden in a false tooth
I'm not even going to get into the miniature wine bottle, or the miniature candle.

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nothings inside it, its pretty tame all things considered
youtube.com/watch?v=NZ6aYSPQgj0

ruined

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Doesn’t it just push you away and play the stalker scream?

whats wrong with fucking highschool girls?

I wonder how the Scout mains collectively reacted to this comic series
>Scout is revealed to be God’s gift to the world
>Spy is revealed to be his father
>His first name is revealed to be Jeremy, if Jerma’s fans all happened to main Scout
>Above all else he still hasn’t gotten with Pauling

aint that a cute little CAKE

Thats what I figured for medic, he mostly gets dominations through assists. Heavy though does have some class specific lines such as "I hear someone building diaper changing stations!" when you destroy buildings. Why didn't they give him class specific domination lines??? Maybe somebody should email Gaben about this there's a good chance he would respond.

yore
ugleh

are the comics before or after expiration date?

>For a brief stint in high school, Scout joined the track team in one of his many schemes to pick up girls. He was kicked off the team after three days when everyone realized he was 23-years-old and also not enrolled in the school.
Everything when you're 23.

Their degrees of insanity is best described with this ancient chart.

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Alright, as a humanities student I feel pretty attacked.

Oh well, more naps under a tree for me

>demoman
>no mental sickness

who tf made this chart

Whoa! Just like Valve!

>Sniper
No sane man would throw jars of urine at people.

>8"4

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>5'1
>Small

>Scout is revealed to be God’s gift to the world
>is a massive cunt and horrible person
Does God hate humanity?

Let us not forget that half life and CS are canonically still games within the Left 4 Dead universe

It was probably a near death hallucination

>He doesnt undergo extreme body modification to better kill his enemies

Oi tink your tha one whos mental mate

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Spy being of different color on any TF2 related image never fails to make me smile.

I feel this post too hard.

I first spoiled the ending for myself when I was 10. Fucking 10. I didn't even have a Steam-account, or a computer capable of even starting up HL2. I was into the game for the lore and the memes, so I basically went through the story through YouTube-vids and wikis and what-not. Eventually, years later, I did first dip my toes with The Orange Box, then played through Half Life 2 and Episode One. I actually gave up mid-way during Episode Two, just dropped the game because I got stuck (happened a lot, I'm not a smart man).

Five years after my first playthrough of Episode One, I installed Episode Two on a whim, finished it in two sittings. Within those three hours, I got fully invested and sucked in. The characters and the world felt as real as the first time I stepped into City 17. I knew exactly what the ending was like but I was still taken back by the cliffhanger. I felt empty, like the "lololol ep 3 more like valve cant count to ep 3 rlolorwer"-thing, the realization hit me harder than ever before: that ending is never gonna come, only as a text-summary by the main writer, now out of the company.

Fuck Valve.

Really? How so?

You don't hallucination angels snapping Tom Jone's neck in Heaven if you don't know that he's dead. Soldier killed him in an earlier comic and I don't know if the scout learned out about this or not.

>not wanting to throw jars of piss at people
Sniper knows exactly how not to be a casual assassin.

Ellis and Louis make references to have played those games before the disease destroyed the east coast
I forgot how exactly the lines went but Ellis picks up a crowbar and mentions Gordon Freeman (and I think he makes a TF2 reference in battle), Louis mentions Counter Strike if he picks a gun up, also he has a Heavy figure on his work desk
If I remembered it right anyways

Sniper's less insane and more of a survivalist. He uses anything at his disposal, even his jarred gamer girl piss. A proper bushman.

I dont remember all the lines but Louis will sometimes claim he's Gordon Freeman when using the crowbar and will sometimes say "Wow this is just like Counter Strike"

t. dicklet
Anything below 8 inches is babydick.

I disagree. His Meet the Heavy video shows that split aspect of being in battle and when he's not. One is thoughtful, smart but when he goes into battle he's the one in front of the bullets, the big russian who enjoys the fight.
His Poker Night stories also show this. One is telling a brutal story of killing Engie and laughing about it, one is his mournful story of caring for a bird in the gulag.

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just one step above the overwatch player that willingly got pozzed

To provide for his family who's hiding out in the mountains after he singlehandedly burnt down a gulag as a kid.

This was from before the comics mind you.

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>spy
>6'9

What kind of fucking measurements are these?

Considering the amount of lines that are in the game, something not even new games bother with, I wouldn't say it was laziness.

Kek

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>Pyro can't read (Comics)

Doesn't the Pyro become a bigshot business executive after defeating his pyromania? How could you do that without reading?

Maybe the book had illustrations.

Every single one of the mercenaries is fucked up in some way.

>Heavy: Prone to violence, probably desensitized to it
>Engie: Unhealthy attachment to inanimate objects, general disregard for human life
>Scout: Extreme narcissism
>Sniper: Takes pride in killing people and views it as just another job
>Spy: Sadistic, takes pleasure in causing suffering, both mental and physical
>Demoman: Alcoholic, depressed and possibly psychotic
>Soldier: Definitely psychotic
>Medic: Sociopath with sadistic undertones. Does not care so much about keeping people alive as he does about experimenting on his teammates
>Pyro: Extreme, unrestricted pyromania coupled with psychotic delusions

I don't think it's in the Half-life or CS universe, they are just making references to their favorite games. There's also a TF2-themed fast food chain in L4D2. If it were in the half-life universe then where are the laser weapons? Head crabs? Zombies? The Combine? Anything? Shitty argument.

I sometimes wonder if that's how I'll end up.

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Look at the magazine, the pages are blank from pyros perspective.

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user that’s what we’re saying, that Half Life, Team Fortress and Counter Strike are just video games in the Left 4 Dead world

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If you look carefully, God is just scout with a beard, so chances are it was him tripping balls.

yeah I can't read

Hey that reminds me, apparently the mercs are infamously known as the Teufort Nine in the area they do most of their work in and are mostly hated by everyone for regularly destroying parts of the town
If so, how’d the Engineer and Pyro find any work? Unless I missed the part where it was said that the business they’re running wasn’t in the same area

It's been a while since I read the comics. What happened to pyro for him or her to get this position?

If I remember right, they don't explain it. Pyro is just a CEO now for some reason.

Teufort seems like it's a small town. The building where Pyro is CEO of is likely in some other random place.

Or he is literally made in god's image

they probably dont give a shit, being a main doesnt give you an emotional attachment to the plot development of your character

Is portal the only valve property with a satisfying ending? Even the TF2 comics are teetering on a pissing cliff hanger.

Teetering? They've gone over it and are hanging on by a conveniently placed twig. If they ever get finished I will be genuinely surprised.

Eric Wolpaw is a genius and knows how to do self contained story arcs with satisfying resolutions. Shame that we will never get to see his take on the Half-Life series. HL2 Episode Three was supposed to be the point where Laidlaw finished his story arc and handed the series off to Wolpaw taking the helm for an HL3 and onwards.

every single one of them is a nutter. that's kinda the point. it's just that it manifests in different ways. pyro's obviously a loony even before you look at his Meet The, Scout's a dime-a-dozen scumbag that chugs radioactive waste, engineer cuts his goddamn arm off for the sake of science, demo's a black scottish cyclops born and raised with the craziest work ethic that has ever existed on this planet, soldier I don't even have to mention, I could go on. Heavy's the closest to a sane person and even then he still idolizes his minigun like it's a daughter or a sister or somethin.

I first I thought those were their heights but then I realized it's actually how big their cocks are.

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imagine the hell heavy must be in, as a siberian fighting in the blazing asscrack of the american southwest

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Aren't most maps set in Australia?

New Mexico.

no? Nearly every map is New Mexico, Australia in the TF2 universe is a futuristic city with flying cars

Engineer also has a height complex
>"Take it like a man, shorty"

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Kind of a shame we don't have an official map set in TF2 Australia.

MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD

Do you think it's fair that people who abused of a glitch got FREE UNUSUALS while those who decided to not screw the economy are left with NOTHING? I urge everyone to message the TF Team (valvesoftware.com/it/contact?recipient=TF Team) and send'em this message, in order to at least get a form of encomium for not having took part in this mess.

Thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------

Hello TF Team,

I understand why you decided to not punish the people who profited of the "Guaranteed Unusual" glitch: because after all it was all your fault and make people pay for your mistakes would have not been fair. But what about those who decided to not take advantage of this crazy situation and got NOTHING? I, like many other people, decided to not abuse this glitch to get easy unusuals because it was an UNETHICAL thing to do, out of respect for Valve and the game economy.

Some people made a massive profit by selling a very expensive unusual they got at the first try. Moreover, even if the rest of their hats are untradeable, those are still luxury items, which normally you wouldn't get so easily.

So, what's the lesson to be learned here?

"You found a cool bug? Abuse the shit out of it, since you'll actually be rewarded for it! Be a nice guy and not fuck the system? Lol, you get nothing! Try next time, friend."

Nice move guys, very appreciated. It seems that being an honest person doesn't pay off these days.

Frankly, get your shit together.

Peace.

- A disappointed player

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I mean the concept has been around for nearly a decade, blame the community for not jumping on it and getting one added

>send 'em this message
>4 different people send them this message
>every next message gets filtered and gets put to the spam folder
epic

Friendly reminder that doing the right thing and expecting a reward for it just makes you a dipshit.

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>already have cheater's lament from the idle business
>now I got a bunch of free unusuals
Tradetrannies eternally btfo
Ethicsfags eternally btfo

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Don't give a shit. What do you want, a new halo? Why would Valve reward you for not spending money?

What even would be the point of getting a cheater's lament? As some sort of gotcha over people who now own 20 unusuals? That'll show them.

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Well, Mum uh—hey. Just...just put Dad on the phone, ‘kay?

The story kinda sucked

Is this you?

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Lel, moralfags BTFO

Thank you for this thread. It reminds me of when I was a child and played Orange Box for hours on end.

Except now I'm 24 and I still play Orange Box-games for hours on end. Haha how to an hero lads amirite hahaha

>pic related

More salt about the Proof of Purchase than anything desu. I basically paid $25USD for a shitty hat with no relevance.

Blow it out your ass.

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you do know alcoholism is a mental illness right?

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>the police aren't going to believe I'm a robot forever

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I wish I hadn’t given mine up, you’re right about it being a salt generator

It is. But, if I'm being honest, I'm salty that I paid $25 for a hat, but I'm also very happy I own it because I can flex about being a KHHV.

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I was holding off buying TF2 until the summer sale and it went F2P before that so I didn't get the hat.
I'm very very salty because I love the look of the hat, and there is no way for me to get it.

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>Heavy starts out as mean but crumples completely when the kid starts crying after he calls him fat
I don't know why, but I really liked that moment.

This.
Survivalists seem crazy, but they do whatever they need to do in order to survive extreme conditions.

True, but he's surprisingly functional a lot of the time. I'd still say that makes him one of the least deranged.

>gives the child 7000 dollars as an apology like it's chump change

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>implying that being excited is "going mental"

not any worse than pyromania or extreme stupidity/narcissism

>in game you can interchangably change between regular arm and tiny sentry crit arm.
Makes you think he prolly has to do this in universe too...

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Every one of these seem spot on except the medic

lmao

He just puts on a glove.

it's just the glove

Is Upward the best map in TF2?

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no

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Yes

Nope

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I like to think he really WAS about to go to heaven, and heaven is paradise to whoever visits, hence the most impressive thing there being two Foosball tables. But it wasn’t his time, so he was sent back, and god made it pleasant the entire time

Based

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more like cp shit

>spy
>6'9

I never thought it possible to acknowledge a man's french nativity and ye completely forget that they're french.

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sauce

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>cp_steel and pic related

MUH DICK

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Harvest needs to be #1

>Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality
what ?
dude's the most batshit insane of the bunch, it's the most common trope of the mad scientist

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You can actually still get it through buying the Orange Box on steam.

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upward is garbage

>demoman
>Diagnosis: Violent alcoholic, possibly bipolar
>aka: is scottish

switch scout and demo, sniper and engineer, and the chart would be perfect.

It was three tables.
Three!

im gonna be honest with you. My parents do not care for me.

I love those goofballs, I can quote most of their lines.
If TF3 were ever to come out with a different cast something would be lost. Also, I doubt current valve can create such a great cast.

You know, all they had to do to make this map god tier was add stairs from the water pit back into the main area outside
That detour takes wayy too fucking long

>somewhat grounded in reality

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>Heavy has a PhD in Russian Literature
Source ?

If they make a new TF game I'd want it to be a reboot of TFC so they can get more fleshed out than just the comics

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>If TF3 were ever to come out

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>TF2 vs. TFC update
>Its not shit
I’m chumming

>not wanting to have a cool robot arm

Makes me wish they brought back hunted mode.

Modern gamers are too retarded for someone to be the vip though

>Medic is at least somewhat grounded in reality

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Well don’t that just beat OFF

God you're fucking pathetic. Why is it bothering you so much ?
Because your shitty unusual lost all value ?
Because you're mad others got free unusuals ?
Because you're thought it was wrong to abuse the glitch, even though it was entirely Valve's fault and you expect to be rewarded for it ?
Never play TF2 again. It's whiny faggots like you that ruin the game on a daily basis.
Let others have their fun.

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I swear by Egypt. Always have, always will

I know TF2 is all over the place but the fact TFC mercs are older than TF2 mercs in the comics bugs the fuck out of me considering how modern they look.

Remember how australium boosted the aussie's technological development? Just think of TFC happening during that period. TF2 is when australium started to dry out. At least this is my head canon.

Why are the TF2 mercs considered rejects by TFC and other mercenaries? Aside from their mental state, they seem pretty effect at what they do and have done other worldly feats like killing santa, wizards etc. Aside from Soldier, Scout and Pyro they seem pretty professional at their job, hell Medic is basically a god

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cornish game hens are so good. my family always gets them instead of turkey for thanksgiving, they have way more flavor and juice especially with cranberry sauce

More like this?

>this is what your average phlog user plays like
youtube.com/watch?v=vDHqX6_AX4A
flick the wrist

I doubt more exist, but it's part of an interactive Steel map designed to help people understand its layout more

Man she just looks so disappointed in what she sees.

yea that'd scare the shit out of me if I was just chilling at night and happened to touch that

Where did this "engineer cut off his own hand" meme come from? Wasn't the fact he wore a single glove enough?

When the Gunslinger was first unveiled during the Engineer Update
>Say you have two things: a perfectly good hand, and a brilliant inventor for a grandfather. One day you stumble across a blueprint for an amazing-as-hell robot hand meant to replace an arm-stump. Wait, you have three things: the hand, the grandfather, and a saw.
there's also pic related which is Radigan/Engie's granddad with his Gunslinger

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it's probably just because they're all a bunch of nut jobs.

>he did the math