Only wiped 2 times

>supposed to
Why do you think there are rules on this? Wipe however you want as long as it's effective.

Sometimes I wipe while sitting down. You gonna call the cops on me?

Exactly! I don't know what they're on about

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>not being able to wipe your ass with one wipe
absolute state of zoomers

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>wipe thoroughly
>think it's pretty clean
>pull up underwear
>oh no

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why not just glance at the fucking paper so you're not smeared in your own shit like a baby

Why would you intentionally touch your shitty ass cheeks together before wiping?

Also, just get wet wipes.

>wiping just once and assuming it's clean
Disgusting.

Why the fuck don't americans know what wet wipes are?

Use baby wipes op

>go to bed
>feel like I have to shit
>get up and go to toilet
>straining like a little bitch but nothing but farts
>give up and go back to bed
>sleep like shit because it constantly feels like I have to go

is this constipation or what?

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>He wipes after shitting
>He doesn't have a dog to lick his arsehole after every bowel movement
Fucking Americans, I swear.

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Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I'm just doing it wrong or something, everyone else finishes so quickly.

>Underwear
Just call them panties like the rest of us

You may be a schizo, it's common around here and schizo spectrum correlates with intestinal problems for some unknown reason.

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you stand up before checking? just cup your balls and wipe between your legs instead of mashing the shit between your cheeks every time

Sorry to be the one to tell you, but it looks like Ronnie the family gerbil is officially dead now. Good job you fucking degenerate.

Use a tabo, like the most powerful race in the world does.

No. You can get one for like $30 on Amazon, needs no tools to install, takes like 10 minutes, and you'll be the cleanest you've ever been, take 1 minute to wipe after shitting, and only need to use a couple sheets squares of TP to dry yourself. It's efficient in every sense of the word.

>he doesn't stand up to wipe, and immediately check the paper for poo
user use that brain inside of your head

git gud

>he doesnt spread his ass before he sits on the toilet

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That poor man...

>wake up in the morning
>wipe and there's poo

What the fuck is wrong with me.

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nah, and are super cheap. it pays for itself in toilet paper costs within a year, and you're way cleaner for it

you don't stand up completely straight. You stand up in a crouched stance so your asscheeks are still separated

You have a leaking anus

It's your abysmal fucking diet. Take psyllium husk.

Aryans used a tabo?

I bet Iori has developed some pretty advanced techniques for shitting

?????????????

Ya'll niggas need to learn the best way to wipe

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can i get the original webm of this guy. for research.

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Shit comes from the colon and that's the hard part
spreading your cheeks has no effect

>tfw weak asshole so half the time when I wipe there's a lot of blood on the paper

>finish wiping up; can't see any more poop on my TP
>go on with my day
>hours later
>asscrack is itchy
>go to bathroom, wipe it
>shit smear on TP
stop

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Why not just poop properly instead wiping in the middle of pooping?

>take a shit
>only tiny balls of poop, one after one
>probably like 30 of the little fuckers
why does this happen

He’s the stepfather. He doesn’t actually give enough of a shit about this incel that isn’t his son. That’s why he’s just going along with it.

Severe constipation, according to the stool chart.

probably a hemorrhoid

>not wiping on all fours

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You are a goat

>sit down to take a shit
>shit out a massive amount of poo
>wipe only once
>no poo on paper
best feel ever

Yea Forumsideo games

Tru gamers use the razer™ goose neck to wipe their arses.

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Yes.

go to the fucking doctor user
don't ignore it

>wake up in the middle of the night
>stomach hurts like hell
>stumble to the bathroom and proceed to violate with a huge shit so bad it'd call the cops on me if it could

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I have this all the time, user.

I haven't shit in three fucking days. I don't feel like going either.

If he buys a cheap one he is gonna be dealing with freezing his ass cheeks. Dont listen to these fools, buy yourself one of the jap seats with integrated bidet and water heater.

Yeah she eats a lot of fiber so it comes out in a huge rock-hard clump and she cums a little as it spreads her ass

>take shit
>take one really long strip of tp
>wipe
>look to see how much shit comes off
>fold paper in half
>wipe again
>check again
>repeat until no more shit appears

>ocd
>spend 15 minutes wiping with both dry and wet paper
>anus always clean but will never get the time I waste back

Anyone else only poop once a week?

>Poop slides out in one continuous log
>Dont need to wipe
This is the best feel

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>Live in Canuckistan
>Figure with all the poo-in-loos and other shitskins flooding the country and having seen that they all squat to take a shit like they still live in the desert/jungle, that there might be something to the whole 'straighten your colon to take a shit' thing
>Pick up one of these babies
>Never look back
Easiest shits I've ever had, no straining, butthole is usually clean enough to only take a single wipe for appearances sake

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sounds like you have hemorrhoids user

But how do you tell when you are done?

Fucking casuals. Here's how to do it.

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I only shit ones a week

Remember to shave your ass hair boys. Shits and wipes go 100% smoother.

no point if you're younger than 30
brought up that I had some blood when wiping sometimes and my nigger doctor ordered a fucking colonoscopy
SURPRISE SURPRISE it was just a fucking hemorrhoid and literally nothing else
that colonoscopy prep was a fucking nightmare

blood again on the toilet paper

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>Spend 20 years of your life raising a healthy boy
>All those dreams of him graduating college, him getting that big job at the company, him bringing his wife and your grandchildren over for a barbecue flash in your mind
>All of thise dreams dashed in an instant when he corrects you to address him as a """"""""she""""""""
The absolute state of fatherhood

>violate with a huge shit
You grabbed a turd and violated self with it?

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I fucking love this feel, sadly it doesn't happen too often for me. I need to move more.

Might be beet juice

That ain't right. Healthy people go about 1.2 times per day.

>his toilet doesn't have washlet

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i wish i could shit money

I saw a study, about 50% of people wipe standing, the other sitting. Pretty crazy huh. The weirdest for me though, is sitting, and wiping from your butthole forward towards your ballsack.

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>wet shits
eat more fiber.

>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>wipe
>still shit
>blow a hose in my asshole and internally cleanse my anus
>wipe
>still shit

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Straining too hard, wiping too hard. How red is it? Bright red is probably a torn sphincter.

>you can shit and get a enema at the same time

Don't you lads just shit on the shower floor?

Do americans really walk around with shit in their ass all day?

Have a nice solid movement
>nothing leftover, feel a shitton better (hue)
>thanks fiber
>notice it felt good
>proceed to enema and fuck the nonexistent shit out of my ass with a prostate massager
>mfw

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definitely hemorrhoids
t. has hemorrhoids

That haunted look on his face...

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that's why you have several and hedge your bets

Go to the doctor, user. these other anons don't care about your health, don't listen to them!

>anus is itchy
>the more you scratch the itchier it gets
Just fuck my shit up

Oh look, a potty-clitoris

>no symptoms
>go to the bathroom
>literal curry starts coming out
>it doesnt stop for 2 more days
wtf did i eat

this

Any bottom worth his salt knows that a high-fiber diet is his best friend