Blood on the toilet paper again

Get a bidet attachment bro, best $25 I ever spent. No more bleeding roids or itchy ass since

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*ahem*

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>keep peeing blood this month.

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You won't get hemorrhoids if you get up and walk more often, Yea Forums.

Get yourself checked, but also just in case - if you don't get a lot of fiber in your diet, that could cause it too.

You have to eat like a child for that to happen, I know from experience. Put the cookies and candies down, have some steak & eggs.

Bright red blood is honestly not that big of a deal, that means something near your rectum is bleeding. Dark red blood is something that should be checked out immediately because that means something higher up your GI tract is bleeding

bright red or dark red

>mfw when I got my first hemoroid
That's when it hit me that I'm getting old

If it's bright ass red it most likely means you strain too much and got yourself hemorrhoids or anal fissures. If your shit looks black or has black grains that's when you know you're fucked. Get yourself checked regardless

What colour is the blood.
Also, Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines

>black grains
Uhh.. W-what do these looks like, exactly? Asking for a friend, h-heh...

Just go to female doctor and get fisted user

pretty cool experience

I am a bit concerned now bros. How do you go about seeing which is dark blood and which is just regular dark shit? Or are poops not supposed to be dark in the first place?

It's another sign of dried blood. It's extremely serious nothing minor causes upper GI bleeding

FUCK CANCER

I'm pretty sure I have a tumor in my nose.
Yet I don't give a fuck enough to go to the doctor with it.
It feels like there's partially liquid inside, should I poke it with a needle?

>mfw I shit every 3 days since I can remember
>people think it's normal to shit once or twice a day

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If your shit looks like coffee grounds you boutta die

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It's extremely unlikely that you have a serious problem. You ate poorly, had too much sugar and processed foods, now you have some internal hemorrhoids that will go away in a minute.

eat more fiber

Damn hemorrhoids are worse than niggers and weebs combined.

Might be a cyst

you might be wiping too hard

that's called a pimple

Bloody poop is dangerous, you might have an internal blood loss, only a doc can understand the reason.
Hope you are not american

>tfw have health anxiety
Get yourself checked and if it comes out clear forget about it.
Second guessing this bullshit and asking google will only make you freak out

>Have a hemorrhoid
>every time I take a shit it's like ripping open a paper cut on my asshole
>have crohns
>everytime I eat something that isnt mostly bland, like no spicy food, a few days later my shit is black

Tumors don't typically have liquid in them. They usually feel solid

this, I started folding and the problem is a lot better

This is the second monkey related thread about shitting blood.
If you're the same dude, please go see a doctor. If it's bright, bright red, it might be hemorrhoids, but it might not be. If it's black, you're fucked, go to a doctor and get that shit cut out.

I did this unironically.

>shit blood
>go see doctor
>she's around my age
>tells me to roll on my side and pull down my pants
>while she's feeling up my ass, joke that this is the closest I have been to a date in months
>instantly regret it
>hear nervous laughter
>didn't see her face, but I just knew she physically cringed

She didn't find anything and yet I'm shitting blood occasionally.

I should have phrased it better, I get blood on the toilet paper, not really in the shit, and it only ever happens when I eat chicken nuggets from Burger King which I dont eat anymore.

>trusting a woman to monitor your ass health
>instead of an old jewish man
Get your shit together

So unless it's completely black like coal I have no worries right? Thank god, they are pretty dark but it's still in the realm of brown at least.

>occasionally see blood when I wipe
>but never enough to feel concerned to see my doctor about it
>in periods so far between that it just seems like one time coincidences

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>Doctor isn't much older than me
>She laughs at me because I panicking
>Offers to finger me to confirm
>Torn between not wanting to die but also too anxious

>she didn't tongue his asshole durin inspection
shit doctor

YOU ALL SIT TOO MUCH

Yeah the go to a doctor to check my ass one, you fucking bonk

It's a very stark black colour. You'd definitely know something was wrong if you saw it

Play Jimmy and the pulsating mass. It'll be very relatable for you.
Also watch some Total Bisquit videos.

Stop asking people on Yea Forums, youre obviously worried

Shell out the $30 to have a dude at the walk in clinic check

Hemorrhoids. Gets worse with a worse diet, better with a better diet.

Eat some Parsley every day and it'll probably help, consult a doctor, Parsley can crash your blood pressure if you eat too much. Reduces inflammation.

that's a fucking power move, well done

Should have done it desu. You're just a bag of meat to her and she's probably out of your league, anyway.

I did this, it's not as fun as you think.

>not wanting to die
Leave while you still have hope

If it's soil dark brown, that's not grounds for panic
If it's BLACK, it's time to run to a doctor
If it's dark red, think about your diet, if nothing should cause that, go see a doctor.

I stopped having hemorrhoids after going keto and I still sit about 14h a day

this

and don't push hard when you're taking a shit. taking a long time sitting on the toilet is just as bad, don't sit there on your phone you fucking burgers.

>when 4 or 5 types of shit come out at once in 2-3 different colours and my arsehole both itches and burns

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Construction worker here. Had hemmorhoids all my life ama.

why don't Americans like to use this?

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You should go back if you are still shitting blood tho

>cancer killed cancer
ironic

She laughed at me and I trusted her judgement. I got better since then, so I mean, I'm either a miracle child that cured my own cancer, or she was right to laugh at me.
She's married and has a son, I just don't like people shoving appendages into my anal cavity.

That's pretty fucking impressive to be honest

Lay off the firey cheetos

>americans smear shit around their asshole with a bit of paper then walk around for the rest of the day like this
What the fuck? They literally walk around with dirty ass holes all day.

This must be what it feels like to have private insurance.

i drink a lot of vodka

what if my turds are a mix of black and brown. do I chalk it up to eating crap like oreos or chocolate cake etc things with black dye?

>had a period of time where I was beyond constipated
>finally feel a bowl movement ready to happen
>shit so large that it ripped my anus coming out
>relief, but also pain
I eat more fiber now.

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In america doing anything related to your ass that isn't wiping after a shit is considered weird and gay as fuck.

If it is bright red then it is probably roids.
If it is black, go to the fucking doctor now.

>tfw when hemorrhoid creams don't do shit
fml

>green poop
If you eat a ton of green vegetables every day your poop will be green.

You need to go to a doctor and get the good shit, creams did nothing. But they gave me some ass steroids that did the trick

>ITT: Unhealthy lardasses

blog posting isn't video game related

I shat my pants while playing Smash
Here are your video games nigger

I noticed every time I got rhoids it was because I spent too much time sitting in the toilet like a retard while messing the fucking phone.
Never again, fucking rhoids hurt too much and I don't care about strangers health problems, but I would never wish rhoids to even my worst enemy. Hope you get better OP.

Sounds like something that could have happened desu.

Obsessed retards. I have been to Europe many times. They use toilet paper too and not every house has a bidet.

>tfw never shat longer than 5 minutes, wiping included
What the fuck is wrong with people shitting half an hour?

That's because you are supposed to first wipe then wash

I have type 6 several times per week for the last 15 years, docs don't kno what the fuck is wrong

I do the same. Been that way ever since I was a kid. Always wondered if I was screwed somehow because of it? Since everyone I know goes once a day or every other day.

Take psyllium husk once a day. You'll shit clean and feel a lot better

>brush teeth
>gums start to bleed

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>lost weight over a couple of months
>been able to not have to undo belt to pee, just take out dick over pants
>one day i really need to pee and try to pee over jeans
>i somehow pop something in my dick and a couple drops of blood come out and it hurts for a bit

i was terrified, didnt want to drink anything until i really needed to but i havent had any blood since then so i think i popped a vein or something wew

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>pick nose
>it starts bleeding like motherfucker

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