Imagine loving the commander keen games as a kid only to see decades later someone digged it out of the grave and began...

im just glad the original trilogy is discounted on Steam

I imagine vr is in rage mode. I played Keens when I was far younger, fun games and they didn't deserve this..

I'm more interested in the kid beating the fuck out of his sister's pussy with his dick.

Friendly reminder that Original CK is BJ's grandson and his son is Doomguy

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This

I don't have to imagine, I am that person.

I always wondered and dreamed about Keen leaping into 3D someday. Then when I realized that would never ever happen, I wondered if they would ever reboot the series into a sweet exploration platformer.

The art style isn't the worst. But man. They could have at least made the gameplay the same with some new elements. Keep Billie, and add a couch co-op mode. Model levels after Keen 4,5,6 and Dreams. Would have been a blast on the Switch.

I'm guessing the only way this project got the green light was that it had to be mobile, with transactions, and targeted towards children.

End of grandpa rant.

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>Friendly reminder that Original CK is BJ's grandson
I thought the sisters were gonna be lesbians

WHERES THE GAMEPLAY

Give sh*dman a week or two

Would be a pretty ballsy move to encourage incest.

wouldn't be surprised to find out one of them was a lesbo

>his son is Doomguy
Not canon. Also why is Keen's brother missing from the photos?

>Commander Keen married a nigger
Oof.

xe transitioned and married xer brother

He was disowned for making transphobic posts on twitter

>oof

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man im ok with it it always looked like educational shareware

Im thinking the keen kids are in smash tommorow

It's doomguy obviously hes going to rip and tear her hymen

But this one isn't. Billy III there has red hair. The one wrong color for every iteration of Doomguy.

He's the baby in the helmet on the bottom left. Remember that was explicitly his and not Keen's packer's helmet before Keen took as a hand-it-over-me-down. You can see it's not dinnged up like when Keen does have it.

Looks pretty close to Doom guys hair color. Could have dulled when he got older.

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pretty sure this post accurately represents most if not all keen fans

Anyone who played commander Keen as a kid must be 35 at the goddamn minimum
What do you care what kids play these days? Who cares if they changed how cartoons look. Grow up (have sex)

Ok Bethesda.

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If they ever do Jazz Jackrabbit I'll go on a shooting spree.
Why can't they just leave things alone?

I'm 26 and I actually remember Commander Keen being one of the first games I played. I'm not upset at the artstyle so much as the gameplay. It looks fucking weird and terrible.

They aren't going to touch Jazz since furry stuff is frowned upon.

Why care about video games at all? You should Grow up (have sex) and raise a family instead of discussing children's toys on the internet.

I'll admit that, despite that kind of transition never being present in fiction that's biologically true. Even with later profile and full shots of Doomguy leaning blacker. It's possible.

But I think a bigger problem with mixing on high until blended is asking when he stopped being a super genius inventor. Let's all be honest with our self: Bethesda's not working this phone game into the Doomslayer's backstory.

I just want porn of Billie.

I'm 24 and played keen quite a lot since it was in a bunch of freeware/shareware disc compilations

Growing up.™
It's as easy as logging into a vagina, either by coercion or by force.

I can imagine feeling nostalgic for anything, but maybe Commander Keen wasn't that great of a game that the series being defunct wasn't a big loss or this new title some grave sacrilege.

Doomslayer isn't doomguy

Slayer is a reboot character that's not canon to what happened between doom 1,2,and 64

As to why he ditched his genius inventor personalty; maybe he joined the marines because it could take him to mars? Or maybe out of duty? One could come up with many things as to why Billy III became Doomguy

sf

>maybe he joined the marines because it could take him to mars
The Bean-With-Bacon Megarocket not only could but had taken ... a Keen to Mars already.

imgur.com/a/nX3dn4W

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See I wouldn't mind them going in a different direction if the game was good looking. I wouldn't even mind it being a phone game. Commander Keen was for kids, with an already kid-friendly artstyle. Updating that for 2019 is okay. I think the visuals are actually a strong point.

But the gameplay is weird and slow looking. It kinda seems turn-based, with cards? Also, for being kid friendly, why did the trailer song literally say "fuck"? What's going on there?

>same named pet bunny
sure thing

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

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I think the project got the green light because it was going to cost them next to nothing.

>nigger
>clearly a latina honey
retard

>imagine loving the commander keen games

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>thinking there is a difference
Found the amerimutt

Who are they?

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BJ and the lady that gives him bjs.

>mfw

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BJ's daughters from Youngblood

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BJ's daughters from youngblood, one of them must be Keen's mom

>But the gameplay is weird and slow looking. It kinda seems turn-based, with cards?
This. The energy of the trailer had me at least slightly hopeful for the game itself, but it seems slow and unengaging as hell.

>daughters
they're not lesbians?

Doomslayer is doomguy you absolute retard he just gained the name doomslayer after fighting demons for literally eons. The only Doom protag that isn't doomguy is the dudes in the RPG and the guy in Doom 3

from where did you get that info?

Guys that game is clearly not made for you. It's a kids game, that's why it's on mobile. You are such useless pieces of garbage this game could very well be a point of entrance to a new generation could you stop being bitter? Just get up no one is cyber bullying you

the jew agenda of destroying the redheads is truly tiring, reminder that amalek did nothing wrong
main characters from wolfenstein youngblood, which confirms that billy blaze is billy blazkowicz.

is the doom 3 guy related at all or are there just random marines who can defeat the forces of hell all by themselves in the doom universe

Where is HE though

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Not even Tom can muster outrage over it

"do you guys not have phones?"
How did the bethesda basedboys cheer for that and how much fucking onions did Todd pump into those fuckers?

>this mobile cash grab could very well be a point of entrance to a new generation could you stop being bitter?

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I kind of agree, I'd be happy if anything if there was a new series that new kids could enjoy. It doesn't look interesting enough to leave any lasting impression on even a kid though. It's a little weird though, using the Commander Keen name for no reason because no one under 30 knows that name.

How did you imagine 3D Keen would play?
Some non-gore version of Doom?
System Shock: Shikadi Edition?

Nobody is really outraged over it, people are just calling it out as the cynical cashgrab that it is while a handful of Bethdrones bend over backwards to try and defend it for whatever reason

pretty cool boss desu

Can we expect them to brutally fuck up Dangerous Dave next year with the same sort of normalfag-friendly mobile game?

You fags used this exact same argument with Wii shovelware, look how that turned out.

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oh no, they possibly can't fuck up Jumping Joestar?
Can they?

>It's a kids game

See, I understand it's supposed to be, but did you notice that the announcement trailer said "fuck," and showed off the main guy without his pants? Both were censored, but that's neither something that would fly on any kids network.

youtube.com/watch?v=14ZD9_tLwgA

In fact, look at this. "May contain content inappropriate for children." What is going on here? Who's the target demo?

A series creator is passionate about what he believes is best for it? Wow that's a off the line average and not-at-all-bias level of commitment being brought to these events.

I'm sorry I can't muster up outrage for a low effort game in a series best possibly lauded for weird looking and satirizing itself with a high watermark on videogames as a whole by giving us the dopefish.

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Do you think the industry didnt had cash grabs when you were a kid? It may be a cash grab but you still remember most of them fondly

Guys the movie is clearly not made for you. It's a kids movie, that's why it's live action. You are such useless pieces of garbage this film could very well be a point of entrance to a new generation could you stop being bitter? Just get up no one is cyber bullying you

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I actually didnt. If this shit is not a kid's game bethesda is retarded and so am i

Wait, I was supposed to pay for Commander Keen?

>You know that thing you liked? That's also a cynical cash crab with no creative effort put into it so you can't criticize this one.

that's the gara i know and love

The movie could have been good (probably not)sonic design was just weird. Also it was all a giant ad and they tricked you into advertising for them

>Wow that's a off the line average and not-at-all-bias

Sorry I didn't realize you weren't biased Bethesda, carry on.

>Imagine
i don't have to imagine. this is wrong

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>We made it intentionally shit on purpose to trick you into advertising it for us by calling it shit. We were only pretending to be retarded!

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Not everything. But some were and you were too stupid to know better. This game could be awesome in the eyes of a kid and we shouldnt even touch it, dont be outraged for someone else user, that's SJW territory

youtube.com/watch?v=FtQjGPfkEe8

>0:56
>"Commander Keen, they don't give a fuck."

Edgy kids that think they're mature. The Bart Simpson Demo.

Who cares? At least we got some nice redhead cunny from this.

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Yea because they are going to change it and decided so in a week. It was all planned and the bad press became "we won guys sonic is changed" literally free ads

>This mobile trash could be awesome in the eyes of a kid and we shouldnt even touch it, dont be critical of mobile trash, that's SJW territory

>It was all a ruse! We made it look shit on purpose we were always going to change it from the begging believe us guise. Criticizing a bad thing is literally free advertising

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Bart Simpson never said fuck though. Also whats the point of digging up an ancient IP that kids never gave a fuck about anyway? It's not like Commander Keen had huge brand recognition amongst anyone who isn't a trog.

Yea i think so too, thanks for writing it down. Kids who play mobile will want more depth and get PCs and Consoles, those who wont will just give money trough mobile. Mobile is fine by me I'll just ignore it

And instead of encouraging people to know better you're excusing it and trying to justify a cynical cash grab.

>Kids who play mobile will want more depth and get PCs and Consoles,
youtube.com/watch?v=uuL6cJPz3Nk

youtube.com/watch?v=xCRgTSak8o4
J. K. Simmons is a fucking treasure

I don't have too much of attachment to Keen despite playing it as a kid, but wish they'd brought Tom Hall in to work on it. Dude deserves some light in his life.

More like Commander Buff

Holy fuck that looks bad, it even looks slower than a snail.

Bart Simpson as a character held the record of saying the most unaltered swears in a single scripted minute of programming to be broadcast. He said Bastard 31 times in the space of 45 seconds in a single episode.

Personally I dont mind the art style, or that they added an grill, but the most disappointing thing is that its an fucking mobile game and we didn't even see any gameplay.

76 had a shit day one and suffered from it, sonic didnt it just had free youtube personalities videos with hundreds of millions cumulative views. Face the truth, you are advertising for a product by saying "it was so shit they changed it" you are just saying "they changed it"

>This game could be awesome
Yeah the trailer as a pitch actually seems like it could be fun. Having a game where you build and improvise to make comically powerful weapons or problem solving items could be awesome. If for instance you can lose a level by making a rocket too strong and blowing yourself out of the area.

Too bad it's a turn based platformer.

I hope big companies focus more on mobile so that we get more quality games instead of the same scripted movie game with different settings every year

I dont mean mobile games are quality, i mean big names companies just stop making pc and consoles and we get more AA games that are worth buying

"Bastard" is a TVPG word. Hell, in the right context it's not even a curse. It's a technical description, like "retard."

Even nowadays one too many "fucks" and your PG13 movie gets bumped to an R.

Except for doomslayer is the Doomguy after he stayed in hell post 64.

Based

based.

Most mobile games are made by AA companies. I don't know what bizzaro universe you come from where mobile gaming becoming popular equates to more quality games, unless you are arguing mobile games are quality in which case lol

Every swear words has a 'proper' root use, saying that doesn't mean anything. That's just an excuse to use the word for its shock value.

Kids don't weigh their perceived maturity or edginess over what the NPAA maintains as a standard yet purposefully unwritten rule governing the ratings based on grades of swearing.

>Face the truth, you are advertising for a product by saying it's shit

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>Gara
Every time

I think he meant GOOD porn

>it just had free youtube personalities videos with hundreds of millions cumulative views
So did FO76. You are advertising for FO76 by saying "it was so shit they changed it" you are just saying "they changed it so please buy FO76 because it's bad"

I mean just shop helmets onto Johnny Test porn.

No he didn't.

I wouldn't be surprised if Shad wasn't at least wary about this C.K revival being some roundabout ploy to get him arrested for making loli porn of the new characters.

Why start now? Every other week he's doing one.

You know mobile games still get rated for age, right? There's "perceived" edgy, and "impacts our finances" edgy.

Like, it's just weird to me. There's nothing overtly adult at all about the trailer except they said "fuck."

Fo76 lost its momentum with the launch, sonic didnt

Keep telling yourself that.

same but with Billy.

And the standards of all of those are regulated by different digital stores and agencies which aren't just hung up on Carlin's greatest hits like the MPAA.

But I think your concern and worry is strange. First for every reason I laid out the edgy child is a market demo. But also unless there's an uncensored version I'm just not finding: the entire point is moot because they didn't actually play a swear word at all. Or even "Crude language" by having a Keen hurl a duck at something.

Isn't Jazz by Epic Games? Gotta snatch that exclusivity.

Even censoring a swear still counts as a swear. It's also part of the lyrical rhyming scheme.

>They've got lots of pluck
>They don't give a fuck

I'm not concerned so much as weirded out. They didn't go for an edgy artstyle. They didn't go for an edgy anything. They just said "fuck," randomly, in the song. Like, they knew this was a kids game being shown to a bunch of adults, so they had to throw in something to keep their attention for another 30 seconds.

>only to see decades later someone digged it out of the grave and began to beat the fuck out of it's corpse with a hammer.
EA is already doing it for the past 37 years.

exhentai.org/g/1429350/6f4b88539a/

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Like, I guess it just comes off as mindlessly calculated. Something like Psychonauts I can buy having cursing, cause it looks like it was ripped straight from a Jhonen Vasquez comic. This game looks like a high budget episode of Johnny Test.

Gotta love a brother

This game is clearly not made for you. It's a kids game, that's why it's on mobile. You are such useless pieces of garbage this game could very well be a point of entrance to a new generation could you stop being bitter? Just get up no one is cyber bullying you

Do you think the industry didnt had cash grabs when you were a kid? It may be a cash grab but you still remember most of them fondly, and you were too stupid to know better. This game could be awesome in the eyes of a kid and we shouldnt even touch it, dont be outraged for someone else user, that's SJW territory

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That's literally me. My father and I bonded over the original games. It's one of the few good memories I have of the guy. When I saw the new art style and the shoehorned female lead, I was still into it. Hey, modernisation, new audiences, bring the experience to new people, etc. This could be a good thing!

And then gameplay. Good fuckity god the gameplay. Who greenlit this idea? WHO?

>there will never be golden era of Eva Earlong bondage art

Sad.

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user, this is just a picture of a sad panda.

P o r n

...

Realistic panda or Cartoon panda?
If it's realistic, you're doing it wrong.

Hes just a drawn sad little panda by a red flower :(

Yeyeyeyeyeye

also doomguy wouldnt be Keens son, maybe grandson or great grandson

also how the hell is the new BJ and his daughters canon if this is supposed to be our version of history and not the nazis one

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>Played them as a kid
>Even as a stupid kid I knew they were pretty sub-par platformer especially compared to what else was on offer

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I think I'd actually prefer if this was a TV show instead of a video game.

> like the saturday morning artstyle
> mobiletrash game instead of a revival of the PC platformer
aaaaaaag

They had SOUL.

That just makes it even more mindboggling why they would decide to do this.

I don't even think they had much soul either, hell the first two(?) didn't even have music

They're right, if it wasn't a special kind of shitty, it wouldn't have your attention.

>That little tug on the pony tail
Gets me every time.

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>Someone was a huge fan and wanted to bring him back
>They need to use their IP
>They had a similar concept and thought Commander Keen would fit it better and has a semi-recognizable name
Pick any number of these

If you kill your enemies, they win.

>Someone was a huge fan and wanted to bring him back
But not a big enough of a fan to care about its gameplay?
>They need to use their IP
No they dont?
>has a semi-recognizable name
Not to the target demo.