Meanwhile, at the USG Yea Forumsshimura

Ship security here. Which one of you faggots scattered tools ammunition everywhere?

Has anyone else noticed the flesh growing on the walls? Is it an experiment so we'll have fresh meat or should I be worried? I'm a little freaked out here

That's weird
I can't contact the Aegis VII colony or access any of the feed on the satellites
What gives?

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Jim from engineering puked blood on the comm station after chugging his 3 bottles of Terran hooch. No idea how he got it on the ship, but it's the only explanation

>Unexpected obstruction ahead.

>Shutting down.

>Welcome to the medical deck.

Hello is anibody here?

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Who the fuck is making all that noise while i´m trying to sleep?
No funny dudes.

VUH VUUUUUUUUUUUUH?
You are a fucking idiot, dirt eating shit faced buffoon. Fucking no one pronounces it as "vuh", go eat a dick, and die from leukemia.

Man the medical deck looks like shit, what the hell are the jannies doing?

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What the fuck is this?

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Can you tell isaac's girlfriend to shut the fuck up? I'm trying to get some sleep.

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EW WHAT THE FUCK GUYS!?
I JUST HAD TO TAKE A PHOTO
WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS!?

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Guys, It's just me or Larry has been acting a little bit strange lately?

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Stop fucking around, it's just a picture of an America lad.

YOU JERK. Everyone knows Jimmy has a problem and it´s ashamed of it, you don´t have to talk about it out loud

hey guys your giant twin sided dragon dildo came in, it's in the cargo bay

Veganism
Not even once

GOOD GRIEF, HE'S NAKED

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All Unitologist should fucking hang, why do we have to share ship with them?

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You bet. Moron didn´t wear globes nor shoes. As soon as the elevators run properly i will tell the mannager

Is is the black one or the purple one? Send the black one to those Uni cucks, they look like they need it

Can you guys stop fooling around with stasis?

What´s wrong with my dog?

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I think he has the rabies dude

unironically one of the best space ship designs, interior and exterior, of all time

Too dark. You'd get depressed pretty fast working there

he's got worms

whaaaaaaaat? NOOOOO will they cure my poor Spike on the medical bay?

HELP!!! THE CLOWN SLIPPED ME INTO AND AIRLOCK AND HES ABOUT TO CYCLE IT.

No one told me we where allowed to bring our pets here man. I wanted to bring my parrot

does anybody have the isaac clarke gf meme?

what I really like is how nobody got the humour in this scene
>"they are pouring into the ship from a hole in the medical deck. at least you won't have to go through there"
>"ok"
>OBSTRUCTION DETECTED WELCOME TO THE MEDICAL DECK
>"..."

WHY IS EVERYONE SO CALMED. JOE HAS BEEN MISSING FOR DAYS!!!

Ok, who hacked the personal quarters intercoms and started blasting all of that...screaming and squish noises?
That sounded way too fuckin real
Is anyone even down here?
Hello?

what are you talking about
Joe has always been right here
behind you

Where that hole came from? Valor rammed into ore storage deck

I think he is dead.

Guys help, I need someone to go to the baby fetus harvesting bay and get me a new dick, I wanted to try and masturbate with the gravity tether.... My foreskin has shot off into the vents... help

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Phil in comms probably accidentally started streaming his guro again

ATTENTION, BY THE ORDERS OF EARTH GOV, THIS SHIP IS NOW UNDER QUARANTINE, ANY ATTEMPT TO LIVE THE SHIP ARE TO BE SHOT.

most of it
I would guess there was some minor collision with the medical deck but not big enough to warrant an immediate check or the repair crew opened it by removing plating to either replace it or gain access to internal systems

What the fuck does he mean by "Live the ship?" Are people cosplaying as those Moon-rune cartoon girl space ships?

It felt pretty obvious when entering the ship it's just conveniently empty up until you start retracking to the more crazy battle areas like where you found the Stasis.

Alright. Who the fuck doesn't know how to use a toilet here?

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I think he meant to say leave the ship, then again I have been seeing weird growths on the wall that looks like they were made from people.

.Joe is behind me? Don´t be ridiculous. I can see his tatooed arm on your shoulder. Bad joke, not funny

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I thought that was just corporate promoting "a more human company" after they got some many complaints about how fucking dark the lighting is in here.

We NEED to do something about safety regulations. Those plasma cutters the engineers use are as lethal as the guards automatic fucking rifles! What the fuck

I heard like 3 jannies quit last quarter after seeing blood and shit all over the bathrooms

it's a mining vessel, not a pleasure craft

Nobody has ever called it vuh but you. It sounds retarded and it's counterintuitive.

HEY MARKERFAGS, I GOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! YOUR RELIGION IS A JOKE, THAT IS ALL!

someone keeps breaking the safety on them. keeps claiming that it's so they can fight zombies.

>user was assimilated for this post

anyone wants to make a hallowen prank day? It will be so fun, some can disguise like monster or whatever and all the rest can pretend to be dead or something like that and scare the hell out of people who didn´t get the memo.

Have you seen the shit they chuck at the engineer and say "fix this"? I swear sometimes it would be easier to just airlock that stuff. If you think the plasma cutters are bad, sometimes even those don't get the job done

>I've spent 6 years of my life fighting for nothing

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there is another one but i can´t find it on my folder. Maybe i deleted it by mistake

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Something strange is going on; I'm locking myself in one of the escape pods. Please don't jettison it.

We it's been trying to kill people so that's not it.

i actually I don´t know how to flush it and i can´t sit on it without getting stuck

Has anyone checked on the maternal ward lately? Ive been hearing glass shattering and babies crying

>Be running from weird claw aliens that are coming from the vents
>See this
I will take my chances with the aliens

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wait... Do we even have a maternal ward? never heard of it...

You say "v"

Oh fuck that's the door to telecommunicatHONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

nah it's the meme template gf like this

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GET OFF THE VENTS OR I'LL HAVE YOU BENT!!!

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H-hey engineering, ive got uhh...problem. basically i... put my dick in stasis while i was ejaculating to see if i could achieve a longer orgasm and it UGH did as planned but now i cant hhhnnngggg reverse it. Help me please im OH having a hard time completing my work.

t. Medical

On my way now, just need to get a plasma cutter on my way.

Guys. I´m going to sleep but my door is broken, i can´t lock it. Can anyone watch out for me? I have heavy sleep and someone could be at my back breaking or stealing my stuff and i wound´t notice it.

So my engineering friend said that his suit changes colour based on his "health"? I don't really understand what he meant, could anyone explain

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! SHOOT THE HEAD THAT MUST BE ITS WEAK POINT

Don't worry man, I've been watching you sleep for a couple of days now

Yea Forums ist spelled "vuh" not "wee"

Guys, some dude just came to my bunk and asked me about accepting Jesus, who the hell is Jesus?

See that glowing bar on the back of the suits? it shows how close to death you are or something, I don't actually understand the how that thing works.

Who's singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Stop it, I'm trying to write reports

how are we supposed to see it though? Its on the back of the fucking suits, god damn outsourced cheap suits

*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*

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It's those damn rats again. I better crawl back inside to flush them out.

Its "Vi", like "VIDEO GAMES"

This guy must kill it palying zero-G basquetball

Just hold your breath

>mfw blasting asteroids all day from my comfy space cannon

you nerds WISH you had my job

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umm guys... that weird scientist is going a rant on biomedical experimentation again

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*opens up full ship broadcast*
AHEM
FUCK UNITOLOGIST

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So... Yesterday i was on duty on the planet surface, guarding some ultra secret stuff, and i decided to check it out against the commander rules, it was a weird ass glowing rock.
I used my plasma cutter to get a piece of it, but it immediately powered down. What should i do with it?

>anyone with high clearance
>posting on the bbs

5 credits says you're a janitor larping.

You gotta wear the helmet to see it from inside, fuckhead. If you need to computer to tell you that you're unimaginably fucked I think I'll just leave you with those Uni cucks in the cargo bay

>Just finished a 12 hour shift in the engine room, making sure it doesn't go critical and kill us all, nbd
>Stop by for a quick piss
>Janitor rolls up to urinal besides, has a unitology pin
>Starts ranting about his dumb religion, basically stuck
>Nod and say uh huh
>He takes it as interest, starts giving me a bunch of pamphlets
>Use them to wipe up my dick and chuck them on the floor, tell him to get a broom

I feel a bit bad, but these unitology niggers really need to fuck off.

I think people got it. I like the similar joke in 2 of "Look, its the Ishimura, glad I don't have to go back there again!"

Who in the fuck pronounces it as "vuh"?

sorry, all these new pokemon r34 pics makes it hard to sleep

if you ejaculate in zero G do you get pushed backwards?

asking for a friend

Can you guys stop playing horror games if you're just going to be screaming so loud it vibrates the walls, and for gods sake stop cutting yourselves.

Wagie wagie on the ship
Clean those guts up dont you slip
Mop the floors till shift is done
Staying pale from lack of sun
Soon you find yourself alone
Bossman wont pick up the phone
Hear the scratches in the wall
Try to hide in bathroom stall
Follows you down every hall
Soon you trip and then you fall
Twist your ankle, scream in pain
All your running was in vain
Should have stayed home on the dole
Now you get to make us whole

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Technically, yes. Just not very much.

jannies btfo

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Nothing in the game had me more on edge that returning to the Ishimura on my first DS2 run.

Bravo, your next bio-gel infusion is on me

GIVE ME A NECROMORPH GF AAAAAAAAAHHHH

Nothing like playing it for the first time
I was thinking I would be attacked as soon as you got off that transport and all throughout.
Start thinking this aint so bad, then it opens up into that long corridor and you just know.

Hey guys engineer here, I just got assigned to this ship, do you mind telling me what I can expect

>Get into mining
>lost a limb
>my gf had to take me out of the bemas and torniquet m leg
>mfw she's getting unto unitology due to the trauma of seeing me mutilated
>mfw i'll have to work like 5 years more to get my fucking bionic arm paid

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You fucking slack-jawed retard this must be bait.

HE THICC

Why is there a FUCKING GORILLA in hydroponics?

I'm in fucking stitches holy shit

The usual: Long shifts, asshole bosses, blood on the walls, sleepless nights, screaming from the vents. You get used to it.

Oh god guys oh fuck Jimmy left his inhaler in his quarters and he's having an asthma attack I don't know what to do

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WHAT IS THIS MAGIC FUCK

ISSAC, the WHOOOOOOORE is pregnant

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It's just a mirrored box art thread.

Electionfags, everybody.

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This is why I still come to this website.

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WHO STOLE MY FUCKING PENG!?

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fuck you playing this in?
an iphone?

"ved" obviously

Yeeted that shit down the flight deck, good luck getting it back fucker

Good news people!
We received a package from earth with this invention: Papers & Pens!
Now we no longer need to write messages in the walls with our blood!

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It's Peng!!!!

too late, all I had on hand was a Plasma Cutter so I tried to cut my finger off but cut my whole hand off but ma always said when life gives you lemons and all that so I wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I WONT STOP. FUCK YOUR STATIONARY.

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>2000 years in the future fat acceptance still hasten taken off
feels good.

AAAAAAAHHHHH I PAYED 50,000 CREDITS FOR THAT! AAAAAAHHHHH MY RIG IS BROKEN SO NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH CARGO! FUCK YOU YOU UNISCUM! Why is there a squid in carg

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>Be me
>Fixing the fucking problems with engine
>Suddenly... fuckheads starts messing up bullshit
>Inb4 Get the Security!!
Were fucked.