E3 2019

>e3 2019
>bethesda
>todd walks out wearing the same outfit as last year
>let's wind the clocks back a year. i was here introducing fallout 76. it was a HUGE success. so we thought to ourselves, how do we replicate that success, but with bethesda's biggest fan favorite?
>that is why i am here today to introduce SKYRIM 76. that's right, you will be able to build your very own fallout settlements in skyrim with your best friends, in this brand-new, console only, standalone title.

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>Todd comes out
>everyone is upset at first
>"Here at bethesda, we tend to push the envelope, and sometimes that goes well, other times it doesn't. I can think of 76 times we might've made a wrong decision"
>everyone starts cheering as Todd claps at himself and announces that TESVI will take place in the same place as Skyrim.

>Degenerates.

>he then announces TESVI official title as The Elder Scrolls

>remember that mountain?
>this time you can actually climb it

>todd comes out
>out of the closet
>i had sex with 76 dudes
>crowd claps
>i also have the clap
>claps

>you can go to every province like Elder Scrolls Online
>Todd points to Skyrim
>see that province, you can go there
>everyone claps

I'm lowkey excited for Todd's redemption

>todd howard comes out
>crowd in anticipation to what he's about to say
>"now i know 76 wasn't the best, and we're trying to improve"
>"that's why me and my buddy pete hines were talking last night, and we thought: how could expand the world of 76, and make people really enjoy the game?"
>"thus, we've announced fallout 76: switch edition"
>crows roars in excitement, as some are gargling at the mouth for a chance to experience their favorite bethesda products in a new way
>"we're also adding new content, including a mario hat for 2000 atoms in our in-game shop"
>crowd stands up, freaking out in joy as bethesda wins e3 2019

>twitter and tumblr are whipped into a frenzy by Pete Hines, who then proceed to order the people to commit a glorious blood orgy
>we're gonna need 76 children to sacrifice today
>the crowd goes wild and storms out of the building
>they kidnap children left and right
>we're gonna need 76 condoms
>the people raze the town just to find condoms, raping and killing everything in their path
>Pete Hines is transformed into brahmin shit by this act, who demands that the crowd make the sacrifice to Todd immediately
>the US declares state of emergency, as they try to stop Todd's blood cult

why do people keep quoting this? you can climb the mountain in skyrim, did you even play it? you even do it in the damn intro quest

bethesda is so fucked, they desperately need a new engine but no one in their diversity hiring knows how to do that

>they desperately need a new engine
because?

I don't care about what they have to show, other than Doom, but i'm thoroughly interested in seeing how they'll dig themselves out of the hole.

Because retards on the internet who don't know a fucking thing about software development have declared they do.

>todd comes out
>same blue shirt
>similar leather jacket, but with more detailed textures
>same preview of TES VI
>same jokes
>title appears
>"Bethesda E3: Special Edition"

>engine is janky pile of shit
>n-no its actually fine to use a decade old engine, heres why

Two decade old btw.

Name one mountain is slyrim you can't reach the peak of.

The only way they can save it is if he walks out and apologizes for last year before showing nothing but single player PC games.

>decades old engine

That's like claiming Titanfall 2 runs on a decades old engine because it's a Source engine game and Source is just a modification of the Quake engine from 1996.

>Todd comes out.
>A crazed fan jumps the stage, katana in hand.
>Strikes Todd.
>The blade breaks.
>'Impressive huh folks?'
>Pulls out a steelcase copy of Skyrim for PS5.

>e3 2019
>Bethesda
>Todd walks out
>let's wind the clocks back a year, these, trannies and journalists wouldnt dare cross any of you. I- I mean, what happened? Did your balls drop off? Hmm? You see a guy like me
>heckler in audience: A LIAR

They can't even implement ladders or vehicles due to the ridiculously outdated engine.

Fuck, I was gonna make that joke.

>and it just works..... too

Elder scrolls online already exists and it's massively better than 76.

Todd’s not coming two years in a row. Bethesda knows how charismatic he is, and they don’t want people to get desensitized to his charm. He’s their secret weapon; they’ll only bring him out when they absolutely NEED something to sell well. Expect a Hammerfell demo at E3 2020

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But that already exists.

nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/21852/

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>Todd walks out on stage wearing the same clothes as last year.
>A picture of a vagina goes on the big screen.
>Todd: "You see that pussy?, you can fuck it".
>Todd points at the Bethesda fan boys and exclaims "HAVE SEX!".
>Bethesda fan boys go crazy.

But we see clearly the limitations of the Creation engine. It can't do ladders, no coaxing and altering will ever make the simple action of climbing a ladder possible. There is also the infamous train helmet that was required to simply have a character appear to be travelling inside a subway carriage. Something that Half Life 1 was capable of.

It's like the engine CA is currently using for Total War. It was designed for Empire, a musket and cannon game and now it's being used for everything from ancient Rome to Warhammer. And it shows, the melee combat is janky as fuck and has required inflating stats with health bars for models and high attack values, just to come to any level of functionality.

There's only so much you can do by bolting additional functions to an existing engine, at some point you have to tear it all down and start over, otherwise you end up spending more time on fixing existing problems than you do fixing new ones.

They don't have ladders because AI can't handle them. They have vehicles in games.

I'm offended.

Divinity 2 had ladders and it was Gamebryo too.