Mordhau thread

Claim that free 10k bros. Also post builds.

Attached: Mordhau Screenshot 2019.05.08 - 16.37.38.38.png (1920x1080, 1.27M)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/35YeMzifLC8
youtu.be/GJaiIG5xPqg
youtube.com/watch?v=X_DVS_303kQ
youtube.com/watch?v=LvA7trU2wQM
youtube.com/watch?v=Qj1RS9vHcsw
youtube.com/watch?v=56cnOkQFRwo
youtube.com/watch?v=bbgvgk50e94
youtube.com/watch?v=wjamhIPVvnI
youtube.com/watch?v=75zmIj_4LFQ
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

Attached: Mordhau Screenshot 2019.05.08 - 16.37.58.52.png (1920x1080, 1.13M)

What free 10k?

The only thing I claimed is a refund. What a casual game.

t. horsenigger
We all know how to deal with you faggots now. It's over.

reparations for the no exp/gold bug that happened

Nice mate. Gonna deck out my merc tonight.

I never did it. Where is my 10k?

Attached: Mordhau Screenshot 2019.05.08 - 16.37.46.44.png (1920x1080, 1.13M)

*Throws 3 firebombs*

You represent the average intelligence of the mordhau player very well.

>do you want 10k free gold?
>yes/no

Attached: 18557767.jpg (600x429, 112K)

Game needs to update, you might have to restart Steam.

I thought this was a trick question
But you know some people are gonna press no.

I need like 10k more gold for the spear skin but my main build is finally almost complete

Attached: spear.png (1921x1107, 1.04M)

>the virgin no and the chad yes

why even bother with colors?you'll turn red/blue in-game

duel servers

So much friendly fire in this game I forget what team I'm on

>duel with a spear

Attached: 1557093827151.jpg (992x534, 267K)

little bit too edgy don't you think?

>
I'll be in west coast duel servers a lot today, come fight me :)
I admit it's full edgelord but I needed to see what the gothic set looked like

I swear to god the enemy's best defense is the faces of my teammates who run in front of EVERY GOD DAMN SWING I MAKE.

I pressed decline.

deathmatch
horde
battle royale

Now I must bid farewell...

Attached: 20190508163512_1.jpg (709x1231, 205K)

so you can look your best in the off-chance somebody bothers to turn off forced team colors

did the patch drop framerates for anyone else? was getting over 100 before and now getting under 60

>faggot doesn't bow before a duel
>just charges in swinging
>he's a scrub and is dead 3 seconds later
Why is it always like this?

Attached: 1548206395113.jpg (437x471, 26K)

they realized that the new markers were causing a bad fps loss, they fixed it in like 10 minutes but markers are removed for the time being

Attached: Screenshot_54.png (1919x1079, 1.25M)

Where my Engineer bro at?

Attached: 1523946789513.png (2560x1080, 1.43M)

horrible

Best one

r8

Attached: 1544117556379.png (559x932, 720K)

its because they cant know who got affected by the bug. so they gave it to everyone

Get some metal gloves, it’s the only thing that looks under protected but nice helm, probs getting that today.

Attached: 43B1777B-985B-47F9-890F-EFA4C3F9DFCE.jpg (460x788, 57K)

>tfw not affected by the bug
>pressed YES anyway
DEVILISH

Attached: 1499786585033.jpg (434x425, 18K)

we need more referees
youtu.be/35YeMzifLC8

right here with you bro

Attached: Mordhau Screenshot 2019.05.08 - 17.43.50.69.png (1920x1080, 1.12M)

I contemplated pressing no for longer than I'd like to admit.

me too but i want to unlock all weapons and get some fine cosmetics

AAHHHHHHHH! I FUCKING HATE THIS!
Stop talking about this game, it enrages me and makes me feel like utter shit do to being a damned poor fag. I played Mount and Blade for three YEARS straight offline vanilla because it was the only fucking game with this much fun. But here I am having to pay fucking bill and buying food, being broke. I WANT TO MAKE A RUSSIAN KNIGHT, F U C K!
Someone, anyone just fucking kill me, please end my suffering, all I do is watch gameplay vids with stupid youtubers I listen to with no volume because they are cancer and come here to read and watch webs.
KILL.
ME.

Attached: 442239F0-DEE6-4BAC-832C-33034B1660BE.png (500x397, 85K)

if you don't have access to £20 disposable income u should just an hero

>turn off useless lights and electronics
>eat cheap food for a week
nigga even don't pretend you're living hand to mouth. You're clearly mobile posting on the go and can afford internet on possibly two devices.

I'd honestly kill you but not because you're ""suffering""

buy bitcoin
get rich

I appreciate all good advice but again, I have been playing a pirated copy of Mount and Blade for three years vanilla. I can’t afford jack and am a fucking history autist. I read wiki articles on the Viking invasions of Europe and the Sea Peoples last night.

okay
but this is mordhau thread

Could your pc even run it?

Never played this game nor Chivalry but I'm tempted by the concept.
I'm just wondering if it's any fun past the first few hours since you're doing the same thing over and over, thoughts?

Stop begging faggot

no one believes you and no one will gift you the game so suck it up and buy it
it literally costs less than your monthly internet

I mean there's only like 4 maps but there's plenty of variation in character loadouts. From rock chucking peasants to maul crushing knights and everything in between.

I’m not begging, just venting frustration. I’m I debt and hate myself do to this place being the only social interaction I have.

Can I play as anything I like with the gear I want all the time or do I need rank/exp/currency?

Posting my chads

Attached: 20190508115513_1.jpg (1920x1080, 238K)

Need something to cover my ugly ass legs

Attached: my boi3.png (416x910, 550K)

Attached: 20190508132423_1.jpg (1920x1080, 234K)

Last one

Attached: 20190508115635_1.jpg (1920x1080, 232K)

new maps will be added until then just fuck around and have some laughs as a ninja throwing smoke bombs

>A huge performance regression slipped through on the latest patch. We will hotfix this ASAP.

>This is a hotfix for Patch #4 and removes the friendly markers functionality. Something went bad and caused them to tank FPS even when disabled. We're investigating, and have disabled them for now while we figure out the issue, since the FPS drop was extreme. Apologies!

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

looking good but I'd charge you down on sight because you look like an easy chop

oh no, they had a problem and they sorted it out immediately. blunder of the year right there.

This is my ugly main, i routinely go 3:1ish k:d in most frontline games. So thanks for the easy kill

Attached: 20190508115534_1.jpg (1920x1080, 235K)

10 bajillion doubloons.

Attached: 1417728821711.jpg (621x621, 126K)

2-3-1
rapier
heater shield
fire bomb

If someone buys the game now can they get 10k free gold?

>killing anything with those bare legs
I always spot you faggots at the very back of the mob hovering for easy kills and they always shit themselves when faced with an alert opponent. unimpressed.

>it's a Rapier stab spammer goes 21-3 against my team episode

Attached: 1551642761745.jpg (651x655, 58K)

These fucking devs, man.. shit is fucked.

post id

pls r8

Attached: 037c09a50f24edeebb4d509d8ddfe110.png (678x883, 661K)

>no wallis shield possible
sad

>wasting points covering your legs when 99% of frontlines players can barely block a reposte yet alone aim for your legs

I know theres no way to really prove my k:d but i dont hang at the back of any groups lol nor charge into the fray. Im usually hitting the flanks alone to solo gank groups heading to the cap or trying to get smart.

Attached: 20190508_135225.jpg (1920x1080, 344K)

Anyone else have to turn textures to medium in large games? Literally the only thing that lowers my GPU usage, everything else can be ultra. Not related to VRAM according to my overlay. Not the end of the world, just a little weird.

Looks like a prime target for archery practice

>that aliasing
Just vibrate into enemies and turn them into red mist bro

>spam rapier stab and go 40-13
>everyone loses their shit with salt

>spam shortsword stab and go 40-15
>not a single word

rapier officially a trigger word.

>This hotfix reintroduces the friend marker option. The FPS drop issue that occured in Patch #4 has been fixed.

these fuckers need to LEARN TO CODE

>watching some streamer fag yesterday with something like "top eu player" in the stream name to see how good people play
>he's on frontline
>he gets ganged up on a few times
>visibly upset
>switches to his own duel server
>constantly checks the scoreboard
>doesn't even wait for people to flourish back, just straight up attacks them if they both lock eyes for a second
>obviously an alpha fag and people he's killing are obviously relatively new
>keeps checking the scoreboard, apparently he REALLY wants to finish at the top
>come across a few good players that kill him
>doesn't try to get revenge, just doesn't duel them again
>randomly kills some guy with a shield even though he was just walking around not looking at him
>some dude gets upset, kills him when he's not looking
>he kicks him
>another guy mistakenly hits him
>he also kicks him
>end the game at the top on the scoreboard

It was a weird experience, I've rarely seen someone with such an oversized fragile ego. What's the point of joining duel servers to kill people that can't even land a hit on you AND then abuse your admin powers despite the fact that you're also killing someone randomly like a fag.

Attached: 139833d7d8ee3f761e482f203d05760ffe91a9524809a360e34aaff9e0e1b6d8.png (900x675, 1.68M)

Game balance is fucked and horribly skewed towards spamming. They wanted to keep people on the offensive by having parries take stamina but not attacks, but all it did was make stab spamming very strong. Gets even worse when chambers take even more stamina than a parry. Their idea would work if everyone had the same weapon, but it doesn't with wildly different weapon speeds.
inb4 lol bro i killed a dude with a rapier with my maul 3 times today
That's not what balance means, it's not about being able to beat them at all, it's about how much skill and effort it takes. Right now, it takes an order of magnitude more skill and effort to beat a 1h stab spammer than to be one.

Making a new one because trolls and I can’t remember mine since I’m at work.

post name

The Chad Bow vs the virgin flourish.

>free 10k for a bug that I purposefully avoided

Thank you Mordhau devs.

Attached: wads out for the ladies.jpg (600x572, 36K)

i agree balance needs some work, shields are stupid and stabbing is a bit strong. but come on, what do people expect me to do? swing with a rapier? thats retarded. not use a rapier? fuck you i want to be a fencer guy. ive started using a short sword to at least cut down a little on my salt intake.

anherofag
Thats the steam ID.

No, that you stab with a rapier is fine. The problem is that you can spam stab at a guy with a zweihander and drain his stamina without yours going down at all, except maybe for the tiny drop when you parry his counter if you had to relent for a moment.

I used to just chamber morph their stabs but that only works with scrubs, an actually good player that is rapier stab spamming won't be hit by that.

It was some dude streaming for a frog website I sometimes visit.

Jesus, you need to chamber sometimes my dude.

Attached: stats.png (1920x1080, 531K)

I'm 20 hours in I've tried everything out pretty much
Whens mods coming? New maps look OK but it's still not enough

> only 43 battlecries
>level 23
what are you doing with your life my dude.

>mordhau encourages players to be careful when swinging big weapons around because you could hurt your own teammates sooner than the enemy players
>same game also gives players the option of the Friendly perk that only costs a single point

Attached: 16CBF700-8FB8-4FB5-B457-D68E4DC0AFFE.jpg (567x688, 61K)

>not effected by the bug
>pick "yes" anyway

Attached: 102169.jpg (225x350, 37K)

even with friendly you will fuck up allies by knocking them out of a swing or fucking up a block. you just wont outright kill them as often. its a nice safety net for baddies.

>tfw calling people dumb niggers and not getting banned
I missed video games lads

Too bad about all the players being stupid as shit though still.

Attached: 1527222774246.jpg (281x400, 22K)

:(

The game gives you some free armor at the start. Just enough that you have access to every tier of armor for every part of your body. Apart from that you need to buy cosmetic armors with gold earned in game because the base armors look kinda lame. You need to buy every weapon in the game, but luckily they are cheap at like 300 gold. You get 2.5k gold for finishing the tutorial.

Also some weapons are level locked but are generally very achievable. Like the buckler and rapier being locked until you hit level 4.

tl;dr Mechanically it's pretty easy to run with whatever gear you want. Cosmetically though it's going to take you some time to look exactly how you want.

The shouts are loud like a bomb. It gives me a temporary case of PTSD every time I use it.
Most of the time I'm usually just twirling my weapon as I run in.

Do I get 10k if I buy the game now?

oh you'll get 20k from me baby if you give me something first ~~~

>low battle cry counts
YE BE LISTIN TWORDS A FISTIN LADDIE

Attached: have at them boiiiiis.png (1909x1084, 596K)

>Naming my shitter loadouts "Niggerfaggot" and "AIDS RAPE" and not being yelled out for using bad language in something no one else would ever see unless I was a streaming faggot or someone physically looked at my monitor

And yet other games still whine when you use Assault because it has ass in it.

Did todays patch fix the shield hitboxes?

Couldn't find it.

Shortsword has very little range while a rapier is only slightly shorter than the Messer and Longsword.
Shortsword often takes 1 more hit to kill than the Rapier does too.

sent ;)

I want to look like a crusader on steroids.
Did i achieve that?
Also why is the war axe so much better than the maul?

Attached: 20190508202840_1.jpg (1920x1080, 254K)

Is Zweihander good in this game?

The main guy is on the left.
The middle one is a "different build" for variety.
The right one I play fairly often - it's a more "fun" one.

Please rate, user. Don't leave me hanging as usual.

Attached: dudes.jpg (7668x1436, 1.39M)

Did I do ok?

Attached: 348753487534.png (546x897, 689K)

give him the pickaxe

>Neck exposed

Attached: brainlet 1.jpg (645x729, 135K)

Is it bad that I claimed the free 10k just because I want to rice out my character?

yes
they gifted 30k to everyone who declined the offer

Finally finished my knigga.

Attached: 6745765465.png (578x935, 577K)

Bretonnian/10

Depends on who owns the server though. I remember one user called someone a retard and got banned for being ableist.

t. Barcelona fan

Catchup mechanic is garbage.

I run battle axe or war axe, whichever one is the more expensive variant. I can brain my own teammates for 50 damsge a hit if I'm not careful

My friend who is a unironic section 8 housing poor nigger could afford it.

In a duel would be fine, or a really slow acceleration. But in frontline its doesnt work well without special balancing.

For the lady brother

t.bownigger

>Please rate, user

"Sword fighting"

Attached: 12454556.jpg (1419x50, 9K)

I may be retarded, I think I did not send profile name. anherofag is the screen name I think. SNSpork13 is the profile name, just now had a chance to check it and it was not there.

6/7/8

probably because you have the wrong maul
this game needs more boots for fuck sake

Attached: 1531092489578.png (550x858, 773K)

Will this game have mods eventually? Like for example medieval Zombies or Lord of the Rings type of shit

We need female characters so I can REALLY look like Arya Stark in my rapier build!!!!!1! xD

go play Dark Souls instead

what does XD mean

why the fuck did the jannie delete my comment?

FUCK JANNIES XD

Nope.

>if you were not affected please click decline

Attached: 1556009857546.jpg (500x336, 18K)

WHY AM I SO FUCKING GARBAGE FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK I GET OUTPLAYED EVERY SINGLE TIME I ALWAYS FALL FOR FEINTS MY FEINTS ARE ALWAYS SEEN THROUGH MY CHAMBERS ARE ALWAYS COUNTERED I DONT FUCKING GET WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

You are supposed to rate my dudes, user.

how's my frontline builder guy lookin?

Attached: Mordhau-Win64-Shipping_2019-05-08_22-07-50.png (433x619, 373K)

I dig this, reminds me of guards on the Witcher 3.
8/10

become a fire shitter and burn them down

Show them to me so that I can admire fashion and calm down

He's looking for a spear to the butt.

>tfw the game doesn't track fire kills
>tfw my stats are fucked from running around as a peasant punching people and throwing fire everywhere to be annoying

pls rate

I thought they fixed that in today's update

theres still hours of throwing fire all over the floor gone
last night people on both teams started copying me the next map and the entire floor was fire it was hilarious

I prefer smoke bombing on snow level

>puts fireproof on and gives 0 fucks

I need some smut and r34 of this game RIGHT NOW

Okay man
Colour scheme and helmet on left are good but I don't really care for the lamellar look, again that's just me. The gorget kind of clashes with the chestpiece though.
Middle is pretty standard, good helmet, the emblem is just sort of there though. Don't care for the pattern and colours of the shield, I like unified colour schemes like your first guy.
Right is good, again good helmet and the purple is cool. I think the emblem's orange doesn't really go. Maybe the red either. Could play with it.

The people raging in chat made it worth it, I wasn't doing it for score just to be annoying

Huh, alright, I'll consider replacements for the gorget on my spear dude.
I'll also look at what can I do with the mace & board one.
Thanks, user.

no he looking for spears on the ground to pick up and skewer you with them

People with hooded characters are always the biggest tryhards

This is your support for today.

Attached: IM A LUMBERJACK AND IM OKAY.png (1920x1080, 1.22M)

>You can't be a fire AND punch wizard
Think again kiddo.

Attached: Meme class.png (948x911, 744K)

För zhe Lady

I need song ideas for lutebot, gimme poppin medieval tunes

That blue looks really nice with the dude's skin tone.

Palästinalied

greensleeves

I got a good cruel angels thesis midi.
Its to bad there isn't a good server to jam with other bros.

youtu.be/GJaiIG5xPqg

Attached: 1548303096069.gif (400x379, 1017K)

I got some guilty gear tunes on the go yesterday. Sadly only parts of them work due ot how the midi's i found were made
I wish I could find the actual midi's used in Guilty Gear X

Wait lutebot works again? People finally got past the changing hotkeys settings? Was it patched with this new update?

Attached: Lutebot error.jpg (537x203, 34K)

Really strong.

seconding this
might actually be the only reason I'd buy this game
yes, I'm that retarded

Attached: 1485748654701.gif (664x714, 688K)

How to i throw my sword at people?

tfw we'll get cockslut anons when females are released

Attached: 6c7.jpg (600x600, 26K)

I thought about going on duel servers to add some ambience to the fights but haven't bothered yet. Frontlines is hit or miss, either everyone crowds around and loves it or some archer or spear fag murders me

R

I have only changed the console hotkey since I use the soundboard and not a playlist, but it works fine. I had to set the console type to old as well, and up the note thing to 30 otherwise it spergs out. Works most the time though, though it seems high ping can fuck it up.

>C:/Program FIles
This is a you problem not a lutebot problem

yes yes, let's not forget the ERP or RP servers to spawn out of that as well

Attached: 1548359469599.jpg (495x600, 165K)

R but it doesn't work with all weapons

3/3/2 + Bardiche is pretty good so far

youtube.com/watch?v=X_DVS_303kQ

Forgot pic

Attached: 47982184-13C2-4CAC-948E-0A098AF0869E.jpg (1920x1080, 202K)

Attached: 4u.png (1524x1256, 1.17M)

You’re a big knight.

>walking tree
My nigger

Does anyone else not actually have the game but come here to shitpost and masturbate to anons' posts?

>bad at the game but still having a good time anyway

Attached: 1459373723833.gif (255x209, 691K)

yh the clusterfuck of battle is just inherently fun

For (You)

they need to make it so at the end of the screen when you get gold/pick maps that you can still chat and look at scoreboard
i dont know why this isnt a thing
i want end of match banter

Attached: 1551129053769.jpg (380x391, 111K)

PAM PA RAM PAM PAM PARAM

>put horse on 10mph cruise control while playing the lute
>dealing 1-2 damage to people trying to slice at me
>destroyed by catapult from teammate

Attached: 1553090419739.png (235x234, 75K)

How do you do those big as fuck swings that keeps getting out of my field of view?

Attached: 1551230183958.png (436x721, 30K)

I was in that game. I fucking saw it.

Attached: 1492339865643.jpg (748x543, 222K)

turn while swinging
use big sword

Question, about to buy the game, but can you get a look like young bobby b? I want to smack faggots around with a warhammer

Attached: nfaipjq.png (1014x745, 1.22M)

>tfw clobbering people

Attached: mord.png (775x878, 764K)

right here bro!

Attached: begging on v.png (1857x1295, 1.16M)

Can you add ornaments to the helms

They're not nearly that large, but they still decap everything with a well placed swing. Sometimes full helms too.

Attached: fister class.png (1013x921, 717K)

maybe in the future if they ever decide to add extra customization options but right now no, there's no decorations for them, you just buy and equip the helmets that the game gives you.

Not yet

You can, but no horned helmets though

Thanks mates, I'll buy the game and hope they add antlers so I can get that bobby look.

Eveningstar > Maul > Executioner sword
Change my mind

Attached: CDB201B8-6842-49E1-A610-9E24617E1313.jpg (1920x1080, 203K)

can I build with you friend?

Attached: Autistic hammering in the distance.png (625x923, 671K)

It's okay user. I seriously died maybe a good billion or two times before I started recognizing opportunities of chambering. Those dark souls kniggers are onto something when they say dying is fun.

Attached: 1532571639454.gif (416x307, 2.58M)

FUCK SHIELDNIGGERS

>connection timed out
>failed to join server
>host disconnected
>failed to join, server full
>finally join server, ghost bug
>disconnect and retry
>finally join server, ghost bug
>disconnect and retry
>finally a working game
>oops it's done in 5 seconds
>repeat the whole process again
I want to fucking die.

matches are now coming down to who has the most shields
they better nerf this shit quick its becoming quickly unfun to play against

Attached: 141561468541.jpg (500x334, 47K)

go play an MMO retarded faggots. your father is ashamed of you

hey do you know if friendly reduces damage of spikey bois when a teammate inevitably gets knocked into them?

use server browser and join games with 2-5 slots available

Doesn't seem to have any effect, but haven't had it explicitly say that I killed them if some ally gets kicked into my spikes.

Close enough thanks bros

>that one fag on every team who insists upon killing lute players when everyone else is cool enough not to

Attached: 1553824939074.gif (471x479, 1.5M)

*Stands in fire*
*Come At Me gesture*

Attached: raaaaaaagh.png (231x71, 4K)

Hookbill.

>firebombs your fortress
psh.. nothing personell

>PC can run the game perfectly
>random crashes for zero apparent reason
>my friend with 8 gb of ram can run the game just as well and never crashes
>has a worse GPU and CPU than me too
I don't get it bros. All the gold and exp I've lost. What the fuck.

how do I git gud

>the hookbill guy who stabs every horse and TK all game

Is it just me or is chambering fucking worthless when you can just riposte. They can always respond in time and there's always the risk you miss the angle and take a hit because the way they move can fake you out, it doesn't even seem to cost any less stamina than block and riposte. It just seems pointless considering the risk and you might as well just spam feints and morphs whilst spinning around like a moron for drags.

holyyyy fuuuuuuck no matter where you are there is someone running behind you.

ok, same experience here but wanted to make sure ty

based, fuck horseniggers

complete chads

don't forget the edgy mask

1. Can you have servers with 100+ players
2. WHERE IS IT

uhh so if i buy the game now do i get muh welfare gold?

I just wish my brain wouldn't overload when I'm fighting more than one dude and I can't chamber, block, morph, feint etc quickly enough to actually do something cause my brains too slow, I just end up hopelessly blocking while getting bumrushed

The game really needs atleast twice the maps it currently has at minimum. I mean i get it the objective mode needs balancing but atleast put out some deatmatch/duel maps you can just shit out.

How do we fix Horde mode?

>enemy pussies out of a duel
>throw my short sword into the back of his head as he tries to flee

Attached: 1516301108994.png (436x436, 143K)

>bored of the same 4 maps already
:(

spend time in duel servers.

Try to relax and don't stress too much when getting bumrushed, it will improve your chances of fighting back a lot

how many GB is it bros should I get it

Oh shit, it's almost as if shields are something that settled ancient wars or something

Requesting that someone makes eustace

Attached: pllgg2f4i3011.jpg (480x363, 16K)

going full level 3 armour with no weapons and scavenging blades from the battlefield on frontline is the most fun i've ever had in the game also r8

Attached: r8.jpg (1016x999, 946K)

How are my lads, Yea Forums?
Also someone rec me a new weapon to try, I've only really played with polearms so far.

Attached: file.png (1507x714, 848K)

>stabs ur bulge

Attached: 20190508151022_1.jpg (562x936, 65K)

>went to go any buy the game

>it's now 30

kill me

£23.79, yes, get it now before it's a cheesefest.

Make those fucking crosses less visible so I'm not being destoyed by Jesus in a fight
NPCs go up ladders
Different NPC types (catapulters, cavalry, the pope)
Objectives to defend
New toolkit buildings

we don't have and overall pants option for clothing yet.

Is there a screeshot function in the game? I want to show my mad lad

Chambering is worthless because most weapons can counterchamber for some reason, and you take most of the stamina damage

Chivalry had a ton of fun mods so probably yeah

nice thigh highs fag

>£5 less than Devil May Cry V
>Fuck all maps
They really need to add more I'm bored of the same shit already

Looks better than most of the generic shit that’s posted in these threads.

Good design work on the fabric

Not only is there only 4 maps, but theres no interesting game modes like team objectives from Chivalry.

Frontline is literally just team deathmatch with circles.

Attached: archer.png (741x1080, 474K)

Not him but You can't compare this to DMCV

It’s busy, simplify!

Sure seems like it. I feel like I completely wasted my time learning how to chamber anything beyond stabs

im not looking for realistic battle shield simulator, i just want a fun game user

This

This is great

Post reviews

Attached: opzchjscbqhyrfjxf4cu.png (771x387, 131K)

same here. it's easier to parry since you don't have to read the specific attack and direction, all while taking less stamina damage.

Ad mortem inimicvs intensifies

is there anything more cancer than steam reviews?

Camp is the worst map in the game prove me wrong

I just laugh at them

Taiga is the worst one by far

mountain pass

>want to get good with a billhook
>knocking off horsefags works well enough, but do below average damage to anyone with heavy armor
>can’t effectively duel with it, let alone do anything in a team battle

Do I just hang back and support? What am I meant to do with it when there aren’t any horsefags running around? I’m not medieval savvy, I have no idea what a billman is meant to do beyond fucking up cavalry.

Attached: 48155C6B-7A0C-4EA4-A4F0-AB47663A7414.jpg (1165x1200, 140K)

Best thing about TO in chivalry was how you got a whole different map section every point. Mordhau tries to mix that with battlefield conquest but it doesnt really work that well. The game is more fun mechanically atleast

Stab cunts, take a medic bag and a fire bomb so you can do support stuff too

Only scrubs wear armour. Fucking hell you don't get much wiggle room though, one fuck up and a lot of weapons oneshot you.

Attached: 1544171713506.png (784x940, 837K)

What is that fetish in your profile picture called, where a girl filters coffee through her panties?

The game just fucking freezes whenever I lose connection and I'm in a match, I have to end it from task manager and I lose all the fucking progress I might've done, I hate this.

literally press R when facing armorfags

Spear > Maul > Eveningstar >>>>>>>> Executioner Sword

sneakyboys always win in the end

Attached: 1507686979024.jpg (720x720, 240K)

do you even know what r does on the billybong?
no, no you don't
great job, next time don't answer if you don't know

Players start with 5 loadout points worth of stuff of their choice.
If bots can't find a path to a player because they're cheesing on a walkway or roof, they are given infinite rocks to throw.

It swaps to the spike which is for armoured targets dumbass

how can you not have that amount of money

literally go suck a dick and you have it

Ya, mordhau > chiv in terms of combat mechanics but it really loses in the maps and gamemodes department.

Attached: chiv03.jpg (1035x584, 82K)

>match about to end and we're going to win
>suddenly disconnected for the reason that the host left the server
>jewed out of my fucking coins

Attached: 1548737281996.jpg (800x1043, 51K)

It turns the blade to the pike side, which turns all atacks into pierce damage.
And guess who takes more damage from pierce attacks, retard.

Chambering helps you counter feints. You can also feint a chamber or morph from a chamber. It gives you more options. But it should not be your default because of the stam cost over parrying

>join a server
>run at an enemy
>attack him
>nothing happens
>he doesn't even react to me
>die from an invisible enemy
just what i like

What the fuck is chamber i forgot what all the terms are

You declined right user?

Attached: Greed.jpg (496x254, 16K)

that's funny, considering mordhau fags were literally screaming how they want realism and were shitting on other games that want to be fun

I crash every 3 matches, you know not my pain.

go check the in game stats fucktards
it doesnt increase damage against anything, it switches the push/pull mechanic
get the fuck out of my sight and off this board brainlets

Does an engineer need a mallet? A mace should suffice, right?

>t. hasn't used billyhook
pathetic user, go play the game instead of seething

can i get the free 10k gold if i buy the game right now

blacksmith hammer all the way

I used the money to buy stuff for a sword and board knight and a skin for my spear

Attached: 20190508223504_1.jpg (1920x1080, 199K)

What's that do? Is it just a decent melee weapon?

Take blacksmith hammer to repair and build constructs. Mace is good weapon but doesn't build

it's only 18 euros in keys if you can't afford that you are lying

Oh gotcha. I'm a brainlet, thanks guys.
Any perks important for an engineer?

>65 chambers

Yup shitter

it's like mallet but repairs faster if you wanna be dedicated engineer
not good weapon but you can chuck it

I main the billhook, its not my fault you're too fucking stupid to figure out what the alt mode does.
Here's a hint, it doesn't alter damage values. I'm done with your stupid ass.

From what I know, a landed kick + instant scroll up = guaranteed stab that you can land on their head, I think all they need to do to balance shields is just increase the range of a kick by a little

dispatching stinky peasants like a sir

Attached: elrapier.jpg (435x935, 94K)

>1000 kills, 300 assists
>already level 19
Thats pretty bad desu

i recommend a smoke bomb. build spikes at chokepoints and then throw a smoke bomb in there, you will kill some of the enemy and maybe a few allies too.

also the NUMBER ONE most important thing about the toolbox that is never explained ever is that if you have full ammo (you don't start full with the box so you need to reload at an ammo dump first) you can build a mini ballista.

>tfw have to guard some prick's castle for a living
>wish I was at home plowing my fields and my wife

Attached: guardmanbob.jpg (409x925, 78K)

>use a big weapon and just drag it across head level
>top of the scoreboard every time

Less talking, more raiding

Attached: vargvikernes.png (581x912, 540K)

>use a spear
>stab next to someones head
>wiggle the mouse like an autist in the general direction of his head
>instagib him
Also works with getting behind the enemies shield defense

Smith

post em boys

Attached: battlecries.jpg (281x36, 3K)

had some coins to spend and decided to try and make a viking

Attached: Mordhau-Win64-Shipping_2019-05-08_23-54-33.png (387x667, 489K)

Defias got swole

I prefer my C-C-2.

>10000K free gold

Fuck yeah, time to get truly aesthetic

>finally finished unlocking all the weapons
>got menacing head on the war axe so it doesnt look gay anymore
>finally got some cool gauntlets
now I can finally start focusing on aesthetics without reserve

Holy shit, throwing knives are amazing with huntsman. They're a 1shot to level 1 chest or head, which bowniggers will almost always have at least one of.

If you call swinging like a retard without properly knowing how your weapon works "maining" then sure retard, enjoy playing wrong.

nice realistic archer, 10/10 :)
foot soldier! nice :D 10/10
classic scout, great! 10/10
damn thats cool, 10/10! :D
that brings back memories, good job 10/10
damn hes strong, looking good! 10/10
aww yeah, thats how an engi should be! 10/10
i always like this helmet, 10/10 nice one!
war axe team! 10/10 haha :D
engineer AND a lute? sign me up! 10/10
thats a real chad right there! 10/10 :)
that helmet works great with a hammer, 10/10 style!
i love archers with the injured eye! great style, 10/10
haha looks like a bandit! 10/10 if i do say so myself
cool mercenary and the messer is great! learning it now, 10/10
looks battle hardened! really good, 10/10!
now THATS a chungus :D 10/10
i like the middle one the most but all three get a 10/10 from me!
you did great in fact! 10/10
damn i love this helmet! great knigga, 10/10
hoho, paladin! looking good, 10/10
proper engineer dare i say! 10/10 friend
damn that looks actually kinda scary! 10/10
OH NO, a fire bandit! :D 10/10
i love this executioner fashion, 10/10
looks really heavy armored, great set! 10/10
aww shit, now THATs a really armored fella! scary, 10/10
like from the movie "bronson" :D 10/10
"the bull" fits him really well haha :) 10/10
reminds me of Eve from spice and wolf, my favourite anime! 10/10
both look pretty good, like a transitioning knight! 10/10 for both!
now thats a proper team of lads if you catch my drift! :> 10/10
haha, classic rapier style! 10/10 still, but i dont like rapier very much :D
woah, like a spartan warrior! very nice, 10/10
ahhh, a classic style aint so bad! 10/10

thanks :-)

Thanks

continued because of character limit!
now thats a duelist if ive ever seen one! 10/10
just like the guards from monthy python! :D 10/10
youre a raider :D LEGENDARY :D 10/10
aww yes, we dont have enough vikings! good one, 10/10

I am a literal slut when riches are involved.

Open up console with ~ and type reconnect

It’s a bug that basically makes you a ghost

the eternal consolefag

What were you expecting? Buying a game and knowing nothing is not something to brag about ya tard

Once modtools are out the maps will probably get ported over.

Does it matter which direction you thrust from if you want to chamber the enemy's thrust?

Was it autism?

>cuts off your head with my scythe
nothing personnel... milord

Just ignore the sperg

short sword all day

Attached: morfd.png (406x831, 482K)

No, it goes over that in the tutorial. Thank god because my brainlet ass wouldn't be able to if so.

No

I did it once then I couldn't be assed to go through the tutorial again to reach the chamber part. I've failed to chamber a single thrust in battle though

how Is he wielding that with one hand

Is horse archery a thing in this game? Can I be a Mongol styling on idiot knights?

Go into a duel server (deathmatch) and find a rapier/spear user to practice with. You won't even have to ask them to start spamming thrusts.

Gods, he was strong then

>if you were affected click ACCEPT, if not, please click DECLINE
That's cute.
Also are there really only three heavy armor leg models or am I missing something? I wanted to make a full fluted plate armor set but I can only find Gothic, Footsoldier and Crude legs.

Attached: 1539455622524.png (195x189, 94K)

>keep fucking up distance between me and my opponent
>can't chamber any swings whatsoever

Attached: 1497003015608.jpg (600x433, 33K)

fuck you :D

64 player all mounted combat when?

Unfortunately that is all we have for now. Same with the other leg options. A bit disappointing but workable.

Yeah hope they add more dank heavy pieces soon.

Looks like a shopkeeper

hopefully soon
youtube.com/watch?v=LvA7trU2wQM

Unreal Engine 4 that's why

i don't know why but i find zweihander fags obnoxious as fuck, their character animations are just annoying to look at

Attached: 1497121848018.jpg (680x793, 41K)

Everybody crying about shield rapiers and executioners are overlooking the zweicancer.

am i blind or are there really only 2 options for heavy armored feet? the default poorshoes, crude sabatons and then theres like 5 leather boots which just look bad over heavy armor legs

idk, i think it's insane reach and damage is balanced by how slow it is and the fact you basically can't bring anything else with you if you want to use it.

>take a billhook
>a horseman rush me
>stab his horse in the head
>doesn't connect and get beheaded a microsecond later
fuck this shit

feel free to copy this based build

Attached: CD453906345453392EA63764DC854F2E35F5E821[1].jpg (1920x1080, 241K)

Zweihander is literally just executioner sword but better

anyone else who is just god awful at this game with no hope of improvement

Attached: 1539352110326.png (686x521, 216K)

Yeah, I just make sure to have friendly perk on every build. Medic bag on many too so I don't stay on the bottom of the scoreboard and look even worse.

Is there a more based weapon than throwing axes? God if feels so good throwing one at an archer's nigger face

No but I constantly crash in the middle of matches so I may as well be.

There's hope user. I was the same way for a while but then things finally started to click for me. You honestly might just need to find the right weapon. Be patient, react to your enemy rather than rushing in.

how long have you been playing? after a while you really start to notice youre improving and a lot of the mechanics fall into place

Attached: doremini.jpg (1487x1911, 509K)

Here of course.

Attached: 1538130886272.jpg (723x944, 112K)

god awful how?
the main appeal of this game is to be a footsoldier ramming your head in the opponent as hard as you can, if you can't be the one chivalry autist wih a ballerina degree, just take a shield to protect him or throw bombs in chokepoints to force the enemy back
if you can't be good, you can still be cancer

>tfw not able to play long/often enough to get gold and exp quickly enough to do a byzantaboo build
>tfw no lamellar armor to make an Agapios merc

All of these are gay and clueless, shit just doesn't connect.

Here's my 3 custom lads. From left to right; Teutonic Knight, Varangian Guard, and English Crossbowman.

Attached: lads.png (1887x866, 1.55M)

uh oh, what do, I've never played this game

Attached: Mordhau-Win64-Shipping_2019-05-08_23-39-59.jpg (594x291, 24K)

>twitch handle kills you 20 minutes into the game
>votekick

Attached: 1534575394405.png (374x32, 11K)

decline it quickly!

Woops, the accept option picked itself, nothing you can do about it user.

how do i make a cute soldier aaaa

Will I like this if I was bored of Chivalry within 2 days? I didn't quit because of the spin 2 win crap, nobody even did that on release, I just found the basic gameplay and modes repetitive (I'm not a huge fan of multiplayer FPSes either for this reason).

m-my finger slipped, I swear

Beethoven's Symphony 6

>hear some luntatic playing megalovania in the cellar of a stable
>google how to do this myself
>get an article by a game journo that doesn't know you can use the lute as a weapon

Wow, they really don't even pretend to know what's going on any more.

no

honestly i dunno but i got bored with chiv after 3 days but i cant get enough of mordhau

*zweihands your legs*
Nothin' personnell, kid.

Good genes, he was like 6'7 and muscular as shit in his prime. His best friend ned who's about 5'11 couldn't even lift the thing. Book wise women characters in a song of ice and fire are inhumanely huge. The mountain is like 8'11 or something

you can use the lute... as a weapon...?

hit R

Based and Ladypilled

Attached: grail knight.jpg (462x796, 35K)

I didnt mean to say women character, I meant to say many

I want to turn off team colors, but I don't want to decapitate my own peasants. wat do?

Attached: 1555190628178.gif (316x213, 1.9M)

Attached: mordhau-win64-shipping.exe 2019.05.08 - 17.07.30.02.DVR.webm (650x364, 2.97M)

Could beat them, decided to join them anyway. No downside.

Attached: dad.jpg (2037x1255, 907K)

Looking forward to it

Attached: kn.jpg (379x350, 26K)

rate

Attached: ss (2019-05-08 at 11.48.09).png (515x908, 560K)

generic darksouls
still dig it tho

Maybe swap for leather gloves.

Played for 3 hours, then refunded.
Combat is ass.

When I use Billhook, I make it my job to just free people up, you shouldn't be trying to have epic chivalrous duels, you go find someone in a fight and poke heads so they can go push the point.
I've found I have much better success, and way more kills, using Billhook if I make it my job to always hunt down people who don't see me coming. Also taking the friendly perk helps a lot, since you'll often find yourself stabbing dudes over your teammates shoulders, and accidents happen.

Did weapons have level requirements before the update?

This game is shit.

The players are cunts.

That's all :).

Attached: mordhau player.jpg (1140x599, 126K)

only for cosmetics

Don't waste your time on heavy leg armor.

bit rude that mate innit

post your slaying tunes
youtube.com/watch?v=Qj1RS9vHcsw

Attached: 1554773574532.jpg (634x901, 491K)

is it just me or is rapier FUCKING GAY

10/10

I use generalization in order to guarantee highlighting a truth felt within readers otherwise only identified with long wording.
Saves time. But yeah it was really rude. Otherwise carry on having fun.

Stop panic parrying for the love of christ
That goes to all of you shitters throwing out parry for no reason, it's like you want to get hit

how the fuck do you scroll the scorelist I just want to see my fucking ping

Chamber feint/morph
This is easy since all they do is thrust since their swings do shit damage

Very likely yes

Try crouching when you do it, makes it harder for them to hit you with horizontal slashes if they're using a sword.

youtube.com/watch?v=56cnOkQFRwo

elaborate your first point?

wow u so good i can just tell from that comment that u top scored with like 50 kills every match haha :)

>two handing the bastard sword instead of one-handing it doesn't boost the damage it deals or make it faster, in fact, it's WORSE than just one-handing it because it increases the time it takes to "release"
>wearing a shield on your back removes the "in game object" status so if someone stabs you in the back while your shield is ON your back, it doesn't protect you

So my fun dark souls build where I two-hand the bastard sword for max deeps and swap to the shield when i get ganged up on is a retarded build. There's no reason to not ever be using your shield if you have one.

Attached: 1515470001645.jpg (1280x720, 102K)

youtube.com/watch?v=bbgvgk50e94

Get gud and then you can see yourself on the board :)
I have no fucking idea either

>make teams Red and Blue
>in a game where damage is determined by your character being smeared in raspberry jam
Why not Blue and Yellow?

Also to elaborate too, using a kite shield over a heater shield uses a full extra point but the only thing it does is give you a tiny, insignificant boost to a lower swing block. There's no reason to use a Kite shield over a heater shield.

If they ever update it to fix those issues (both the bastard sword and the shield), that sounds like it would be a fun as hell build. I like me some versatility, that's why I've been using the pole axe as of late.

Half of my bear traps just end up getting wasted because teammates can't look where they are going. Making me consider removing the friendly perk.

wait so you can't actually combo the executioners sword?

I want fucking BAGPIPES

Attached: 1532698664406.jpg (726x459, 100K)

I think I'm getting addicted to smashing people in the face with a mace

Its just like I'm browsing a fighting game thread!

You can feint and morph which is more than enough to kill shitters with it

Even better, why not multiple added instruments so we can have a full medieval band?

trust me, you don't want back shields blocking melee attacks, I was already that guy in chivalry who used shields like that against archers and ruined their day, if you let me do that to melee people too I'd become a god or it'd at least ruin the meta and make back shields mandatory.

youtube.com/watch?v=wjamhIPVvnI
excellent taste guys

youtube.com/watch?v=75zmIj_4LFQ

Anybody have any luck making a Bazuso class? I just started so I can't afford the cool armor

Attached: bazuso~2.jpg (253x200, 20K)

Hello, i'm brand new to the game, what are some good Builds (Weapons, Perks, Armor Pieces, etc)?

Right now i'm using a Kite shield + Short Spear+Medkit on one character ( I Die a lot on him), and 3 fire pots on another. (Die a lot, but actually get okay kills)

Attached: delke-js-dn-maa-r.jpg (626x1000, 124K)

m..muh realism
its a video game retard

Where my other stronk bois at?

Attached: 20190508172123_1.jpg (1920x1080, 154K)

>Servers don't autokick people with 200+ ping
For hwat purpose?

Attached: that feeling.png (1672x1082, 1.39M)

>Right now i'm using a Kite shield + Short Spear+Medkit
You found the meta. Why not try Executioner's Sword if you're feeling spicy?

fucking this
horses are complete dogshit with their massive stun box

Attached: 14894651695814.jpg (720x533, 26K)

>swing
Thrust you fucking faggot

I'd go with the battle axe, obviously. Maybe the Dome helmet? Shielded pauldrons, looks like fairly standard armor

You get all those chunky and round pieces early, it's the swag intricate stuff that takes level. You could make something very similar except for the helmet, hands and knee pieces.

FOR CHAOS

Attached: 20190504201330_1.jpg (1920x1080, 183K)

bagpipes would be so fucking great
gonna add
>trumpets, horns, conch shell
>flutes, pan flutes
>drums
>buildable/deployable harpsichord
seriously instruments you can actually use make any game better

Attached: 1_kHFAjAb4-iCmCt4z9EerA.jpg (576x384, 48K)

So many people are so severely confused.

Nice middle eastern desert helmet mixed with fur for winter colds of the north.
Fucking idiot.

I'm using the chainmail mittens at the moment, they look really good in first person. That and I maxed the fat/strong sliders, do they have any effect other than cosmetic? Say Sprint speed?

Redbull/10

Attached: mordhau engie.jpg (552x938, 118K)

No I don't believe so. Kinda makes me want a Dragon's Dogma system where boosting height and weight increase stamina but decrease recovery. Something like that. A height slider in general would be nice.

>Can only play as a white man

Based developers

Attached: godspeed.gif (235x240, 1.93M)

Can I make a knight look like this?

Attached: cool armor.png (925x1067, 2.38M)

wholesome

Post your mode concepts boys, I'll start.
>Crusade mode
>Attackers are the Crusaders, Moors are defending. Attackers have to capture successive points to advance and get more respawn tickets. Defenders don't have tickets, but a small respawn delay. Basically ripped off of Insurgency, but I really like the crusades aesthetic

Attached: 1510711965667.jpg (228x212, 14K)

>option to pick skin color
>it's all variations of white

How long until those guys who called for black people in kingdom come show up?

So which of the big boi axes is better?

yep

Attached: 20190506204407_1.jpg (663x780, 45K)

still a 50/50 vs a couched weapon depending on how the server feels

want to duel?

ANOTHER FUCKING DISCONNECTION RIGHT WHEN I WAS DOING SO WELL AND TOPING THE FUCKING LEADER BOARD
oh my fucking god just end it already

Attached: 20190508145548_12.jpg (474x940, 95K)

thanks for beta testing

Integrated mic, role divisions like in RO 2 so we don't have servers full of bowniggers

Time it well, I'm yet to be killed by a horsenigger I saw coming

This helmet is absolutely the coolest one in the game, can it be worn with a hood?

>free 10k for a bug that I didn't know exists

Are people really still upset at horses? I just treat it as a powerup and accept my fate to the hail of longbows and wooden hammers coming my way.

Attached: 1543276847071.webm (576x720, 2.61M)

sorry, some of us are trying to have some f*n

>be black
>enjoys accuracy in vidya
>play white characters in medieval games
>play black ones in modern games depending on location
>its always comfy and soothes my autism
Anyone else do this?

Attached: 1557233513510.png (500x522, 116K)

Some people will just blame everything except themselves.

>No cannons
>No aquebuses

hell yeah it can

Attached: 20190508153748_12.jpg (1016x926, 153K)

How did you purposefully avoid end of game rewards just not working?

I selected no when it asked about the 10k gold.. am I fucked?

That was so cute I actually got scammed of my free 10k gold. I'm a fucking idiot.

>soloing groups of 4 or 5 people with the war axe and bloodlust
Upward swings with it are crazy good especially when the opponents think they don't need leg armor.

I agree. Shields will quickly kill this game because they are so unfun to play against and brain dead to use

Just make a throwing knife light armored.
you'll get zero kills but high assist count and that fun.

>I selected no

Attached: 1475035348037.jpg (236x284, 18K)

Yeah 10k would take some time to pile up.

I'm sorry user, you're fucked

Attached: 1543909881076.jpg (1024x1023, 69K)

IM GONNA HEADBUTT YA

How would you use up 6 armor points? 2-3-1 or 2-2-2?

Mountain pass is great because it has the most opportunity to jump off of things and get kills in the air. It’s pretty fun

Right here, isn't it chilly without sleeves?

Attached: 2221111.png (596x980, 561K)

3-3-0
if someone hits you in the legs, it was probably an accident

Robert Baratheon?

Lads

Attached: BC.png (280x35, 3K)

64 player horde servers are the best shit in this game atm

>60,000 for a plume helm

Wew lads. Still not going to buy it until females are added (I intend to only play a women).

You get the confirm again when you boot up.

Maul

How do i know you suck at duels?

Based positive bro

Love mauls

Attached: Knigger.png (431x782, 516K)

holy shit why are there items that cost this much in the game??? you just know they are going to sell in-game gold at some point there's no way anyone could earn this much just by playing

I have 57k at level 29

Not everyone should have everything.

10k of that was just handed to you and you probably havent bought anything else with your gold

Learn to kick.

You are underestimating a player will to get a plume on their helmet.

have sex

This is this is fake news. Maul is the most op weapon in the game but rapiers and shields are so annoying that everyone leaves the maul alone. It’s a garaunteed 1 shot on any headshot

What next.

Is there some sort of lunge mechanic I'm unfamiliar with? I frequently don't bother blocking a swing because it's clearly going to fall short even if the opponent is moving toward me at full speed, but then all of a sudden the guy will shoot forward like 8 feet to close the distance ridiculously fast.

Ok let's meet

>gotta wake up in 5 hours but can't stop playing
shit fellas

based

Yes there is. Read some guides.

I've seen two people with it.

yes, the first attack out of sprint is a lunge. Did you play the tutorial?

one game of frontline with between 10-20 kills usually nets me 400-600 gold. the cheapest items are 300-500 and there are a lot of them, including most weapons. fancy shit starts at 1000 and goes to 2500 before you start hitting the expensive 'clearly only for dedicated players' tier which only includes like 1 or 2 items per slot.
point is, whenever I want something I can earn enough for it in just a few games. you've got do well though, I've jobbed enough matches to notice there's a big difference in payout.

My thread is on the front page. I feel so proud

>he hasn't made a jew

I did, I don't remember sprinting even coming up during the tutorial.

dueling is for faggots who dont treat this game like a real medieval clash

There was some dude with a shield plus rapier just spamming upwheel but still managed to go like 3-9-2 in the match so after I crushed his skull with my maul I told him in chat it’s fucking sad to use the most cancer build in the game and still have such a negative k/d and he said “I know I’m just bad” and then I felt bad :

Think i've seen a faggot using that helm in a duel server, pretty good at fighting too

>it was probably an accident
why?I always go for the legs when i use the halberd.

Sorry bro i'm too frustrated from being hit by nigger teammates 10 times more often that i'm hit by actual enemies. And yes i do have the friendly perk.

Maul 1 shots axe doesn’t. Stop being a liar

Did you play the tutorial?
that's not covered in the tutorial

>see horseman trotting towards me
>I anticipate his incredibly obvious attack and parry successfully
>Go about my day as if nothing happened.

Sometimes I turn around post parry to see if the guy was forced to turn around due to terrain, that's your best chance to push their shit in.