You've found a monkey's paw

Have a Lady gf

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I'd just use the monkey paw to give myself a handjob. Who needs wishes?

I wish that when you turned 25 you got to reroll your character: race, gender, appearance, you get to pick it all yourself this time; and you also revert to being around 18 years biologically so you can re-experience the best years of your life the way you want to.

Or did you mean specifically related to video games? Because if so, I wish I could no longer enjoy video games any more so I'd feel compelled to actually do something with my life finally.

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You’re getting one with a dick and s(he) rails you in the ass faggot.

She fucks the dog

A cute beautiful yandere girlfriend

Whoops, you're 0.000001 percent Jewish

>wish I could no longer enjoy video games any more so I'd feel compelled to actually do something with my life finally.
Terrible wish faggot you'll just find something else to waste your time on.

Sounds like a win to me.

Jokes on you that's exactly what I wanted.

Everyone is a jew now.
and now everyone dies.

So it's better

i wish that any and all wishes made are not corrupted in any way

You get a video game where you can do anything you want and have it like you want it. Didn't specify what you wanted control over

>I wish I could no longer enjoy video games any more so I'd feel compelled to actually do something with my life finally.
Basically just begging for the Paw to rawdog you at this point. You'd just not have the motivation for anything else either, you donkey, that's the state like 99% of Yea Forums are at right now.

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Wish DmC didn't exist.

That's still a win for me

I wish a monkey paw that doesn't screw me over but still realise wishes

I wish for the monkey paw to disappear!

DmC Don't exist
But Reuben died in the shootout

delightfully devilish

The paw slaps you in the face for being a the thousandth person to try this. It also proceeds to fingerbang your mom.

kill video games

The monkey paw flips you off and vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Jews all die, ellbeegeeteefaggots blame the white man for genocide despite no evidence.
The war between degeneracy and modesty begins, a long drawn-out culture war between axe wounders with dildos up their arse, surrounded by armies of overweight ugly white knights against normal human brings who are retaliating after their normal and happy way of life is threatened by the porn-brained faggots.
The degenerates won, turned our weapons of order and normality against us. None could stand up to the PC brigade and their badly-referenced psuedo-science papers from california's university. Our men were feminized and our women were 'liberated'. Not many of us puritans left now, we walk through the sewers of our once-proud civilization, wading through swamps of dodgey condoms and discarded panty-hoes. Above us, the degenerates drown themselves in pleasure; fursuit faggots giving free pawjobs at bus stops, three dicked trans-succubi testing their newly feminized "products" at roadside shota wagons. Cum-stained diapers and discarded trolleys full of white loaves of bread scattered everywhere. This world won't last, never has in the past. When the time is right, we'll strike and reclaim what mother nature gave us all those years ago, save it from the monsters that call themselves "human".

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The paw can now turn invisible at will, giving it an additional superpower.

I wish I was happy.

>Implying Geralt wouldn't go for it.

See

DmC never exists, instead another reboot takes place making Dante and black trans woman who fights with words. It sells amazing and is now the new standard for the gaming industry.

turn the ocean into pee :

Was in past, huh? OKay then.

Remove anime and fanservice from existence

The paw is insulted that you just used its powers as part of this embarrassing fantasy and just makes your family line Jews instead in order to specifically stop your genes from spreading.

Congrats no one can make a wish now.

Still a net gain.

it agrees, for your wish only, and nothing else happens as if no wish was made

Granted, a second monkey paw appears and proceeds to beat the nearest loved one or family member to death in an extremely violent fashion because someone elsewhere wished for someone random to die.

The monkey paw vanishes in a puff of smoke to grant someone else's wish.

Scientists are baffled as all the world's oceans are suddenly made up entirely of green peas.

Granted. You go blind and deaf simultaneously.

pee is not spelled pea

i wish the monkey had spellcheck

This only effects my perception
Not existence as a whole.

Persona 5 comes to switch

I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her

i wish that every person in the world were suicidal

They are works of fiction that never existed to begin with. Nothing changes, and the paw disappears, baffled that this issue is on top of somebody's priority list.

I want my crush to fall in love with me and become my GF, you'll probably fucking ruin that for me but it's worth a shot
For vidya I want the industry to crash, destroying most AAA publishers and ushering in a new golden age of indie development

Man this is weak shit. I regret saying it now.
Here's how you do it:

Wish granted. Anime and fanservice disappear completely from existence. The following day, new anime is produced.

A new Vampire: The Masquerade game, a FPS made by mapgfags, Bannerlord actually releasing, Streets of Rage 4 and Blizzard releasing a new Diablo.

Granted but it’s spellcheck is coded and finalized by Indian tech support

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This is the shittiest way to handle that wish possible. Subversions that cling on to bad wording rather than the implications of the situation or an evil way to bring them about to fruition (as in the actual book, nigger) is shit a grade schooler would come up with, fuck outta here.

A metroidvania Quake 1 sequel

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Granted, but your penis will shrink
Granted, but all your moves stink
Granted, but you and she share not a single link

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I wish for male viera

Blow up this shitty planet

Granted, but you and everyone you hate safely land on another habitable planet

I wish for eternal peace on this earth.

You start hating your crush after she becomes an inseparable part of your life that you learn too much about and requires more from you than you were ever ready to deal with. When you divorce, she takes everything you had.

The industry crashes, but it can't sustain itself with indie releases alone, especially after people were already used to decades of much higher production quality games. The industry either quickly restores itself with a new age of AAA games as in the past, or dies forever altogether.

i wish a fish

They're all plays on bad wording though.

Wrath: Aeon of Ruin. It's dumbed down as a Metroidvania and with bland Quake aesthetic

Granted but everyone commits suicide out of boredom

You didn't specify existence as a whole, so it defaulted to your existence only

Granted, the monkey paw uses spellcheck to ensure the word is spelled correctly before calling you a faggot with sign language.

Granted, Persona 5 The Animation is now available streaming from the Crunchyroll app on eshop.

Granted.
You grow exactly 1 nano-angstrom.
Nothing else happens because you only get one wish.

Granted, a male friend of yours who has always had secret feelings for you comes out to you as gay and confesses his love for you, and you are oddly compelled to reciprocate.
Nothing else happens because you only get one wish.

The monkey paw picks one at random, and it chooses 'Blizzard releases new Diablo'. Diablo 4 is released with no fanfare
When downloaded it's just Diablo Immortal retooled for PC play, and it's exactly the kind of exploitative, soulless mobile kusoge you expect.

Granted, the game is everything you hoped for and the Monkey Paw commends you for your excellent taste.

Granted, Viera ears cosmetic available for 9.99 on Mogstation

The planet suddenly inflates to twice its size, nearly doubling the amount of available land and resources.

Global war is ignited as nations fight over rights to it. Billions die.

Granted, every living thing dies, united at last, in the peace of the grave.

That was my intention all along

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A monkey's paw that doesn't fuck up wishes

You get an eel

i wish for world grease

N-NANI?!

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Granted but someone more deserving finds it first

The Monkey Paw contorts in frustration as it seeks out the nearest sharp implement to stab you repeatedly until dead with.

Granted, everyone everywhere is suddenly compelled to sing songs and do dance numbers from the musical 'Grease'.

I wish to be omniferous

They're not, though even if they were the paw finds creative and malicious ways to punish the wishmakers rather than just go "well the next day that's no longer the case!" even if that would make no sense (how does anime suddenly disappear and how does it suddenly go back the very next day?). You can't write for shit.

Granted, but you and everyone you love cannot do anything without bursting into song

I wish i was based and redpilled

i wish cyberpunk 2077 will be good

I wish for Ryota Kawade to direct the next Paper Mario game

Granted, but all the furries begin to draw you and post on deviantart

You assume a monkey's paw has had any kind of education?
Enjoy being a pine tree you dork.

Granted, but everyone around you will be cringe and bluepilled

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Upon being redpilled you develop gender dysphoira

Walking sims and VR 'experiences' are all that remain
people become more understanding and no one actually commits suicide as a result
There is no longer any happiness or pleasure on the earth
All things good must come with the bad

To be with Senjougahara

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Super Paper Mario 2 it is, then.

Granted. You were based and redpilled. Were.

I wish for a slice of bread

>Enjoy being a pine tree you dork
I enjoy nature and could fuse with other trees roots until i become an entire forest so that sounds like fun actually. At least until a lumberjack cuts me down and uses me for paper.

Well it's better than Sticker Star and Color Splash

Granted, but she doesn’t want to be with you

Granted but the bread is really gross and you puke.

Aw

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You get a slice of bread. It's exactly what you expect it to be. No really, there is no catch.

>Assuming a game is good on the title alone
You fool.

>disneys3musketeers.webm

all present and future jannies instantly die

Granted, its completely covered in mold.

Granted, but they possess the bodies of past janitors

you don't die

Welcome to Yea Forums - Politically Incorrect 2

I wish for the monkey's paw to do that cool thing where a finger curls up after you make a wish.

Granted, but as your clutch your chest in pain and fall to the ground you are reminded that your father once told you that your middle name is 'Jannie' on your birth certificate.

I wish for a good game that I will play

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NOT okay

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how do you know that wasnt my wish all along hmmm smartass monkey paw?

fuck you I win get dabbed on stupid monkey

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I wish for a lawyer so I can make a binding extensive contract the monkeys paw has to sign saying it in no ways can fuck up my wishes.

Granted, but it doesn’t curl when you’re looking at it

it sells very poorly and the studio declares bankruptcy and is bought by EA to create Witcher 4 using a 'games-as-service' model
reincarnation exists and your consciousness is stuck forever reincarnating as a tiny organism on the asteroids that remain of the earth
it is the end slice of a loaf
only you play it, no one else has heard of it or believes that it exists

>he posts Monkey
>aka the better girl

Everyone who starts/started a reply with "Granted, but" is a bitch nigga. Get creative, fools.

A small sacrifice. I can handle being the odd one out

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Jokes on that harambe hand, i wanted to die

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you get Saul Goodman

Granted, but you’re still a faggot

Granted, but more than one finger curls up, and the paw makes the following gesture
it then punches you in the face

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I wish stands were real and I had a really cool and strong one.

>You've found a monkey's paw
>What are your wishes Yea Forums

I wish everything I touched turned to titties, and that my dick was 10 meters long, and that I was very, very famous for something.

I wonder why

Okay monkey's paw give me Versus XIII

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And? That only means Saul will find a way to screw the monkey paw into giving me 10 wishes exactly how I want them and 20 for himself.

They’re saggy granny titties, you cannot get an erection, and you’re famous for being the man with the most historically severe case of erectile disfunction

you cause a breast singularity ending the universe and also die from lack of blood

That wasn't a wish, fool. That was a statement. You're a bitch nigga.

You're cool but still a bitch nigga.

You become very famous for being shot and autopsied in area 51.

You aren't a bitch nigga.

Granted, but the monkey paw has paid the lawyer under the table to insert obfuscated language into the contract that makes the rest of it null and void if the wisher's intent is to trick or confuse the monkey paw in anyway, including trying to get uncorrupted wishes or a positive outcome of any kind.

>jokingly make wishes that are obviously a bad idea
>people unironically monkey paw them anyway

A bit disappointed, desu.

I wish for $1,000,000,000 in my bank account that the bank and government acknowledged as legally gained.

Nigger what the fuck did you expect in a monkey paw thread?
I wish this user wasn't dumb as rocks.

>Make a wish
>Get surprised when it gets granted
You’re the kind of guy that would wish for pogs to come back in style

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Your newly acquired wealth is broadcasted worldwide thanks to a jealous news anchor

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Congratulations! You win the lottery! Such a huge amount of money, it's all over the news!
Not a single friendship/relationship will ever feel genuine again. Even if they don't appear to be after your money, you can never be sure.

those pogs you like are going to come back in style

He is now as smart as an amoeba

The government acknowledges the 1bil in your bank account, it's a shame that they were only looking in the first place whilst freezing your assets for a seperate offense.

A box is delivered to your door, inside it is a TV stand made out of absolute zero temperature ice that will never melt or break.

I own alot of guns as is, not to mention the amount I could buy and also afford a private army to guard me at all times, plus every woman on Earth would want my D for shekels. I could easily live with this.

Tack on that every theif on the planet will now have his name and we’ve got some quality TV

Still an improvement.

I wish for no-one to reply to this post.

Third person dragon ball action game, all the strong fighters are off planet when some low level threat arrives and it is up to Chichi to save the day.

The rocks are now 600 IQ superbeings, and humanity is their slaves.

The women that you bring over manipulate your ego and siphon your bank account dry

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EA

@456100618
It will still be acknowledged without a (you)

I wish the monkeys paw was happy, had a lot of friends and a wife that loved it.

nigga that'd be alot of time and bitches to bleed 1bil

What happens if I wish for an end to inequality, prejudice, bias, and discrimination?

I wish for Nintendo to have a really great Nintendo Direct this E3. It doesn't have to be the best, or "win" E3 or anything. I'd just like it to be genuienly great in its own right.

wish ya could berng out thems good ones talkin bout them dangol whabidits yunno thang yeller diddies overthur numminasayin? beace

Women don’t need that much time, your mind might say no but your dick will keep cumming dollar bills

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all humans die

>you finally get that true "you can do anything" vidya

1984

You are made king of Zimbabwe

Everyone is reduced to the lowest of the low. You're all equally dying slow painful deaths in a pile of your own shit.

NEWSFLASH: MONKEY'S PAW STABS OWN WIFE AND FRIENDS TO DEATH
"Fuck you user" - Monkey's Paw

Everyone dies, now everyone is equally dead and can't discriminate against each other

stalker 2 in 2020 is flawless
>inb4 women are in it

Perfect. Let's get this shit rolling.

I WISH FOR AN END TO INEQUALITY
I ALSO WISH THE XBOX HAD GAMES

Nintendo does well, EA does better while becoming even worse with their microtransactions

Enjoy your coma, at least your dreamworld is yours to command.

So the only way to out monkey paw the monkey paw is to wish for good things to happen to it? Good to know.

I don't care about EA. I already said, Nintendo doesn't have to be the best, or even better than anyone else. I'm just wishing for a great Nintendo Direct I can be happy with.

All games ever produced, or to be produced are now exclusive to the XBOX. Everyone is equally too poor to afford bread, nevermind a gaming console.

Your equality causes a great divide due to others believing they’re more equal than you. Xbox gets nothing but multiplats

I wish for everyone on Yea Forums to play video games

I wish that all women were incontinent yet the condition was not normalized :)

prove youre not already in a monkeypaw induced nightmare coma

>implying it even cares about its wife or friends
You can't emotionally damage a magic hand fueled by spite, user.

>Pay to win dlc techniques
Fuck.

Everything went better than expected.

Another letter is added to the LGBT acronym because of this

Since it's normalized, you'll retroactively lose the fetish and won't gain anything.

The E3 Nintendo Direct is great. Lots of amazing titles. It's a perfect way to say farewell to the company, as the Direct ends with them announcing their closure.

Excellent

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That wouldn't be a great direct though. No amount of good games would make a final farewell direct a good one.
MY WISH HAS REMAINED UNFULFILLED
You fail.

The monkey’s paw fists your ass through your mouth for wasting its time

>fursuit faggots giving free pawjobs at bus stops
honestly, I wouldn't mind that

You can't tell the monkey paw it's wrong user. You asked for a great direct; it's great, but there is a cost.
There is ALWAYS a cost.
You cannot beat the monkey paw.

True but it made me feel better at least

I wish to fight the monkey paw in honorable combat

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well it isn't very clever when you just directly go against the wish

Granted :^)

The incontient form the world’s largest senior living center with you being the sole employee

I wish nothing bad would happen to me physically or emotionally when I made this wish :)

As you issued the challenge to duel, it's only fair that the monkey paw gets to pick the form of combat.

And it chooses sudden death insult swordfighting. First one to not rhyme loses.

The Monkey Paw goes first.

'I'll flay your skin like an orange!'

Your most beloved animal now suffers anything bad that would have befallen you, and as you didn’t specify your wish past not harming you, anything will happen

why can't I just quit? also as sole employee it sounds like I could fuck off all day and not get in trouble.

except I specified emotions.
sorry monkey paw you lose again.

The seniors are constantly yelling at you to give them medication and it’s never their medicine time

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Sorry user. Your animal is now a crying wreck because of you.

You die a slow and painful death, being tortured emotionally along the way.

>when I made this wish
As soon as you stop talking you're no longer making the wish. The wish has been made. The Monkey Paw fulfilling it comes after.

Nah, he only wished to not be harmed while making the wish, he said nothing about being harmed from the response or any point after him making it.

Based second finger backing up the rest of the hand

Damn that hand

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>Eating an orange
>While making love
>Makes for bizarre enj-
>oyment thereof.
>-Tom Lehrer

>when I made this wish
this means zero repercussions as far as I can tell linguistically.

if you'd like to disagree you should really go to an english professor with your findings

The cost made the direct not be great.
You can't tell slice of bread user "granted, but you don't get any".

I wish for you to be smacked repeatedly by the monkey’s paw for thinking you can smart talk yourself out of consequence

surprise me, monkey paw

I mean, it's clearly an ESL wish. You're adding the condition of "when I made this wish". As soon as you made the wish, you are no longer "madeing" the wish. You make a wish, then the wish is fulfilled. They're two seperate events.

boo!

>console and PC Okami sequel
>Armored Core returns
>Neptunia becomes mainstream
>IF/CH finally make a good game
>AAA JRPG where you get to fuck your companions and/or betray them to fuck the antagonists (something like Kamidori, but with a AAA budget)

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EA is the main producer and publisher of all of those franchises now.

>Okamiden port, not upscaled or anything, simply stretched to fit both screens on a single monitor
>only one wish per user

Surprise! Sudden omniscience! You'll never be surpised again... or believed! Gotta give you the whole Cassandra complex, can't have complete knowledge floating around free after all...

>literally asking the paw to burn out your dopamine receptors.
Man that's a bad wish even by monkey's paw standards.

gAAH FUCK

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>only one wish per user
>monkey's paw has 5 fingers

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No way, man. Last time I wished on a monkey's paw, I got Berserk 2016.

YOU DID WHAT?!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR HORNY ADOLESCENT LITTLE MIND?

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Are you wishing for Berserk 2016? Because I think you're wishing for Berserk 2016. COMING SOON: Berserk 2019: The sequel to the hit Berserk 2016! Nothing will be answered and we'll trail off on some inane bullshit that adds even more questions!

You have to share it with all of us. Be kind.

I wish for the power of dick unity to increase further.

Your orgasm is put on a waiting list and you’re the last one in the queue to cum

Current wait time: 2 years

The dick unity has grown too strong. There is now a giant fleshy tentacley mass that unites all dicks on the planet. They'll never be able to be inserted into anything again, just an endless connection of dicks to bodies.

I wish for Ape Escape to be as successful as the Fate franchise

I don't think you know what dick unity means, user.

You feel the dick rot of a thousand masturbation scarred weebs, your last orgasm is as amazing as it is horrifying

>Newest FATE series is announced
>The final twist is that all of the servants from every FATE series ever were just Monkeys w/ Pipos using illusion magic
>The Fate series WAS the Ape Escape series the whole time

That's mor like it.

DID SOMEONE SAY MONKEY WAIFU GACHA?

Ape Escape is now as sucessful as the FATE francise. Not the Fate you're thinking of, FATE as in the 2005 dungeon crawler.

i wish that all of humanity was homosexual and could only reproduce through oral sex

I wish for the end of console wars and the end of cancerous console fanbases WITHOUT the loss of any consoles, console lines or console companies.

So in other words, nothing has changed? Huehuehuehue

Advance wars but with Peace Walker/Phanton pain elements(no crossover, MGS as a series is fucking garbage).
>having your own private army, "motherbase", staff and personal agenda
>full customizable army
>you can research/develop new weaponry, units and tech
>highjack enemies to your army, gather intel and go in expedition missions all over the planet(and even space stations)
>high dificulty and you can lose all your progress if you don't know what are you doing.

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Humanity becomes allergic to reproductive fluids

Granted. You'll realize why the monkey's paw granted your wish as is soon enough.

Humans are no longer capable of enjoying anything. They just mindlessly produce as they always have, regardless of the success of the product.

exactly

you think you just corrupted my wish but you just fulfilled my secret wish

>uses me for paper
Toilet paper

People grow up of consoleswars and games and no one is interest in video games anymore.

No new games ever get released again, only remasters and reboots

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>I enjoy nature and could fuse with other trees roots until i become an entire forest so that sounds like fun actually.
user, the green staff was too op. That thread has been buried with good reason.

FUCK YOU, NOW I WISH THIS GAME EXISTS

Congratulations on becoming the only fertile human left on Earth!

Fair. Console wars were never about enjoyment anyway. If you truly enjoy something, you wouldn't care about what others think of it, or of other products. Console wars were always fueled by hate, jealousy and insecurity on all sides.

Ape Escape is what my dad called moving out of Detroit.

It becomes like the Phantom Pain to a fault, never being completed due to creative differences between the developers and publisher

you just made me the most powerful and influential person on the planet

I wish for a mod to come by and delete this entire thread.

Until everyone else kills you out of jealousy

You just KNOW.

The true phanton pain

Another gets made in its place and receives a permanent sticky

wish granted but the mod deletes your computer instead

You would literally be abducted, imprisoned and chained up to be forcefully bred, repeatedly

Where's the catch?
t. Won a lottery few years ago

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A competitor to EGS!

Good fortune/luck, immortality, save the last wish to end my life eventually

only to have some other nation bomb the shit out of the place to make me theirs

It buys EGS off and disbands them

Granted. But Hideo Kojima is directing alone, the game wents in development hell and the final product is a cringe cutscenefest with no gameplay.

>wish granted except not
You're an uncreative brainlet.

Who did you tell? What changed between you and them?
Genuine questions. t. never won a lottery

You never get a gf

i wish that EA buys Disney

Buff kirby in smash ultimate.

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I wish to have the exact same powerset as Double from Skullgirls, and the exact same level (or higher) as control/proficiency with it.

I'm a simple man, I wish for a billion dollars in cash, monkey paw

I really wish that SNATCHER 2 doesn't get made and isn't the best game ever

I wish for console commands and gmod sandbox powers
>cancel out monkey paw effects afterwards using console commands/gmod sandbox
>gmod sandbox powers because i want to noclip around earth spawning abominations and bringing people out with my gravity gun
>if gmod sandbox let's me use any workshop item i can make earth a hellhole
>use console commands to spawn super human versions of me to act as body guards and a army
>gravity gun throw people at 100 mps a second
>use their corpse to kill other people

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*of proficiency

"Then I'll just patch it with a sporange"
Your move monkey faggot.

EA buys Disney. All Disney creators are forced to either learn how to be a code monkey, or lose their job.
Disney never makes a movie again.

You only get one, so... good fortune to you user, the world is ending and you get to be the sole survivor! Forever. Floating alone in the vast emptiness of space for all of time. Always freezing, always suffocating, always on the brink of death... but unable to get there.

Granted

I’m pretty alright with this outcome

everything went better than expected

What if you wished the paw to go back to the original monkey?

It is indescribably painful to use your new powers.

>Kirby is now super jacked, just rippling with muscles everywhere
>damage rates are unchanged though

Granted! You get the full GMOD experience, your brain "crashes" before you're able to execute any commands or utilize any powers.

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Fuck

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>Disney never makes a movie again
>no capeshit ever again
>no minionbait ever again
This is like a dream coming true

What's the moral of the money paw anyway? Not to wish for things? Or the universe is against you?

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The cash is made up entirely of bills reported stolen in a daring heist that has gone unsolved...until now!

Not a real word. You lose per the rules of insult sword figting and are stabbed through the heart.

Give and take

knock knock open up the door it's real
the non-stop pop-pop of FBI OPEN UP

That sounds like bad luck. Also the monkey's paw starts at 3 wishes, not 1. OP also said
>wishes

>the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry
There's always a way for things to be fucked up, so don't obsess too much about planning every detail in advance.

>brain crashes
>gmod powers
i would just respawn at my most healthy, what now Fucker?

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No moral. Monkey's paw is fueled by spite alone.

Your brain is running an outdated version of all mods and must constantly update

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The only word in the 20-volume historical Oxford English Dictionary that rhymes with orange is sporange, a very rare alternative form of sporangium (a botanical term for a part of a fern or similar plant)

>full GMOD experience
>go outside
>see an ERROR drive by
>half the houses in the street have no texture
>there's fire

No, its to leave fate alone and don't mess with it

i can still play while I'm updating/installing mode in gmod, what's the problem again?

Also if it's insult sword fighting then the monkeys paw loses defacto because "I'll flat your skin like an orange" is not an insult, its a threat.

>That sounds like bad luck
Depends on persepective. You survived the earth being completely destroyed, that's pretty damn lucky. You also wanted immortality and got that.
>OP also said wishes
To the whole of Yea Forums. As in "Okay everyone make a wish, then we'll submit our wishes to the Monkey Paw" sort of wishes.

How are you doing anything without a brain user? Even if it did manage to restart, guess what would happen if you'd try to access the GMOD Experience? Hint: Your brain crashes again.

My first wish is for I_AM_ABIB, a Yea Forums mod and resident faggot, to get double of whatever I wish for.

Second wish is to get a single dollar.

Third wish is for the monkey paw to beat me halfway to death.

If you think you can do anything at 2 fps plus stuttering then be my guest. That’s your life forever now

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Luck is entirely perspective based. You might miss a flight but if it crashes, you had good luck.
And your second point is a matter of perspective too. The story of the monkey's paw features 3 wishes

>How are you doing anything without a brain user?
if we're going by pure gmod logic, i can still access the console while I'm dead

i can run gmod on 60+ fps while installing mods, still. your point?
And if i did crash from mods error I'll just uninstall those specific mods

don't maim innocent monkeys to make magic wands. use you own damn paw and maybe the thing won't be filled with absolute hate and contempt for all who use it

You're not dead, you're a vegetable. Unable to utilize any of it.

Im not sure where leak was, but family and some friends found out. Everyone wanted a cut obviously.
Ive paid off my parents debts, bought my sister small apartment and fucked off to diffrent town and cut all contacts. Then ive bought tenement house (thats the term in english i guess) and basically became jew.
I even have hidden stack of gold, krugerrand to be exact.

An actual RE4 follow up.

Since you "get" abib getting double of what you get, he also gets that, doubled, so you receive double of what he gets, and so on and so forth.
F but at least your kids/siblings/parents will be loaded.

I wish I had a Death Note but without any of the drawbacks or restrictions and an included pen (black ink) that is always within reach and never runs dry.

ADMIN ABUSE

i said, if we're going by pure gmod logic
if i was a vegetable and we're basing this ONLY on gmod gameplay, i would still be able to look around in third person and access menus
>BUT YOU'RE BRAINDEAD
i Said gmod sandbox powers, meaning anything i can do in gmod i can do irl too

You can only write your own name

Doctor Hax comes out of gmod world and never stops hunting you down

>disable prop collisions on self
>turn on god mode
And?

You think that shit matters to the guy that shuts down hackers?

Honestly a terrible corruption. You're making yourself look like a brainlet, user.

A detective on par with L will come after you. A shame you aren't as smart as Light.

who said i was hacking?
I'm a normal gmod player with sandbox permissions and console commands, why hack when i am literally god

I wish for the ethos, design philosophy, and relative apoliticalness of pre-7th gen gaming to return permanently without driving devs or hardware makers bankrupt or undermining product quality or variety.

Hit me with your best shot, chimp.

ent_remove !picker
What now

The spotlight is now back on violence with a newly reinstated Jack Thompson leading the new crusade against objectionable content in video games, and the recent Christchurch shooting has given his side a compelling argument...

Sorry dude it’s fucking late and my creativity is leaking out my ears.

Video games are better than they have ever been, life is fucking fantastic for people that still enjoy video games. You however, mature as time usually makes you, you soon grow out of video games entirely due to a combination of general disinterest and newfound responsibilities in life. Video games continue on a path towards greatness one could only dream of, except it’s not your dream anymore.

Oh I also know fuckall about Death Note other than taking a chip and eating it so sorry fren

I wish for the monkey paw to find lasting inner peace and stop being so spiteful and full of hate.

Yea Forums becomes the monkey paw due to the absolute power vacuum a happy monkey paw creates

Why? Honestly why? How many enemies do you actually have? You could go for meme options like public figures you don't like but that won't actually solve anything, that will just make you feel slightly better in the immediate before some other shmuck takes their place

There’s something oddly hilarious about the idea of the idea that games like Spyro 3 would get thrust into the center of a moral panic a la GTA3. I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting that one.

You are a cruel man, user.

Thanks. Hoped to make up for my last one

I wish for a second monkey paw

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You are become the Monkey Paw

Good

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A second monkey paw appears and punches you right in the dick at full force before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Your right hand becomes the Monkey Paw. It is more spiteful, and more hateful than the previous. It has infinite wishes, and will interpret anything you say or think that could be construed as a wish, as a wish.

O-Oh...I wish I had no monkey paws then...?

The Monkey Paw assumes a different form, but its power and purpose remains.

Your other hand becomes a monkey paw. Then both your monkey paws vanish, leaving with you no hands at all. This happens as you are driving or doing something else where hands suddenly vanishing will lead to grievous injury or death.

M-Masaka...The Monkey’s Fist?!

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Literally who?

Granted. Now you're made of red pills.

>get ultimate vidya
>BTFO industry
>release as exclusive on epic store
nice

I’ll just drive with my feet!

sup dude

I wish for video games to never have sequels

a used monkeys paw appears in your empty hand

It grips your penis and never lets go.

all video games get prequels

She's morbidly obese

your hands drop to the floor and runs out to get a job never to be seen again

I wish everyone else's wishes would be granted but wouldn't be corrupted.

I wish I had the world's most comfortable pair of underwear.

Your wish is corrupted and all the negative effects of everyone else's wishes that they would have recieved are visited upon you instead.

That's fine. At least everyone else can be happy.

I wish to live forever in peak human physical form at whatever age would be my prime but this wish can only be granted after has his granted

I wish my wishes, past present and future, will have no ill effects as usually associated with a monkey's paw.
Then I wish for [entity/object/ability] that would grant me any wish I have and am actively wishing for without misinterpretation or poetic ill-effects.
Stow away monkey paw, because I can now make my wishes to the new wish-granting force.
I wish that no one other than myself and that [entity/object/ability] could perceive and/or be aware of my verbal or non-verbal stating my wishes. Maybe add some more technical wishes to refine the secrecy and exclusivity and safety of this new wishing tool, but for the immediate session it would probably be unnecessary.
Wish for good health and good physical shape. Wish for some cool superpower, like 0-effort telekinesis. Something that is simply handy for day-to-day life while also powerful enough to easily generate profits. Wish for mental and intellectual improvements. Enough that would make me able to establish an enjoyable good and profitable career without the use of superpowers.
Wish to fix some of the planet's environmental issues, CO2 levels, pollution, garbage excess, while not specifically addressing the causes/sources of these issues. Reduce the accumulative damages. Wish to clean some inherent faults in humanity's genes (stuff that causes cancer and genetic diseases).
Then I'd wish for pre-orders and other shitty business practices to be gone from the video games market. With the improved intelligence and education I'd have at that point I would devise means to improve technology and vidya quality as a whole, either passively or actively by getting involved if that entailed some profits.

Y'know, the basics.

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You get banned for a misclassified report

>1 I wish the monkeys paw was indestructable
>2 I wish everyone from now on knew its exact location no matter far it might end up
>3 I wish I the maker of the hand has a fantastic day
>4 I wish for a self piloting rocket headed for moon
>5 I wsh the monkeys paw could not grant any wish
I then toss the paw into the rocket and send it to moon

I wish the maker of the hand*

I wish for some information on Pikmin 4

The monkey grants your first wish and the vanishes. You only get one wish, after all.

I wish that every CRT in possession of a Meleefag would be stolen

5 fingers 5 wishes

are you the same guy everytime?

granted but they immediately buy new ones

A thumbdrive containing a copy of the 2017 direct that revealed Pikmin 4 lands in your lap

The monkey paw steals them, then dumps them directly on top of you, crushing you beyond recognition instantly

I wish the monkey to be returned to the monkey

Remove Yea Forums

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Monkey's paw is a trash.
It is just useful to commit suicide.
*Don't even pick it up. Just walks away.

I wished for bloodlines 2.
I already regret it

You die from a brain hemmorage as the monkeys paw fills your mind with every possbile thing that can be asked for it x forever.

Then she ain't cute

I sell the monkey's paw

vtmb2

Nothing changes as Vtmb2 releaes on time.

Turns out everyone has Jewish ancestry if you go back far enough. No more humans.

Better than it being infested by literal faggots.

please wake up...

I WISH MY WISHES WILL NEVER COME TRUE

Cure my broken foot.

Granted, you disappear from reality at all points in time to ensure your wish never gets asked, and thus never come true.

Granted, the other one gets broken soon after.

I want the monkey paw to make a fist and stuff it up my ass

The paw grants 5 wishes, one for each finger.

Thats what pur reality is though. We wanted versus13 and we got xv. The monkeys paw already went into affect

Granted, all five wishes are used instantly in granting your wish with increasingly severe consequences for each appendage used.

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?

I want star wars imperial commando

I wish this paw would put one of its fingers down.

I wish to get pegged by my sister.