All of Yea Forums is teleported suddenly into Super Mario 64. Realistic world physics apply...

alright guys, who wants to volunteer to swim in front of the eel and lure it out?

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these threads are fun, fuck you

No way can I hold my breath that long.

blowjobs? yeah sure

How heavy is he?

>/an/ demonizes the chain chomp which some anons insist is a gud boi who dindu nuffin
>/trash/ and /d/ cum at the mere thought of Tiny Huge Island
>/his/ goes too deep into the lore
>/biz/ goes full meltdown when someone dies and they lose all their coins

I'm interested in this chart.

Same. Post it

>Yea Forums just sits around making 'big guy' jokes whenever theres a boss

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This, can someone post it in a non cynical way? Assuming we can beat king bobomb, this is interesting theorycraft routing

>the aquarium
>Frozen bodies in Cool Cool Mountain
>People falling for eternity in Over the Rainbows
>Newfags falling for the piano
>Anons fill the cage for Boo's Mansion with piss and shit

I probably die at Bomb-Omb Battlefield honestly, but do you really expect Snoyboys to cooperate in a Nintendo game ? i mean sure Xbros and PChads will probably help us but honestly most of us are fat anyway.

>The ship on Rainbow Ride is only occupied by constant sounds of "YOU'RE A BIG GUY", "DR PAVEL, I'M CIA", and "YAG SBARRO"

I'd be the fat guy at the top of the Dark World staircase leading to bowser punching all you fuckers sliding back down

>/x/ spend the majority of their time in the Boo mansion trying to communicate with Boo's

Who wants to be brave? I don't think bomb-clip works in this world but whoever tries is a ballsy motherfucker

I’ll be a chuckster.

>Boos extremely confused when they keep on asking for succubus gf
>One of them tries putting their dick in the piano

forgot image

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And I'll be a Sneedster.

>two groups of enough people to lift and throw him
>one group lifts and throws and second group grabs him before he can reset and then first group throws him again

What happened to that online version of Super Mario 64?

We'd all die at the battlefield
>a huge war scene of explosions everywhere
>giant chomp munching on corpses of unlucky runners
>good luck picking up king bobomb

Do the NPCs in the game behave like they do in the game to Mario's antics or will they react differently to us? For example if we race Koopa the Quick and fifty of us tackle him to keep him from running, will he try to fight us off or just robotically keep kicking his legs to try to run?

He's trying to derrail the thread with penis size charts

But what about Ocarina of time?
I feel like we would have a much higher chance there.

Nothing in the game is edible. We all die of starvation or thirst before any of us gets anything done.

Easy as fuck, assuming I get Cappy too.

we can eat the enemies

>what is koopa soup

Everyone would die trying to get into the Fire Temple

>start killing and eating turtles
As a thought lethal lava land would burn you to death when you spawn in.

no, because one of the mandatory stars is that one where you need to swim deep underwater to reach the submarine on the other side, not possible

I have bad knees. I'm just going to sit around out front of the castle.

It's simple, really.
>Part of the game where we're supposed to sneak into Hyrule Castle to get to Zelda
>Instead rush the fuck in, tell the King Ganondorf is evil, literally all of us, then get him executed
we win

Think there's enough materials in Princess's castle to make a Diving Bell?

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I can't remember but were there any fuckable things in this game? I can only remember the one sole Yoshi on the roof haha like what if we spawned in and climbed to the roof and we all dogpilled on Yoshi and tore his shoes off wouldn't that be a crazy scenario haha

>Implying we can't fashion together an old fashioned diving suit with tubes and shit

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Diving bells lad. Don’t be a fucking pussy.

Too busy running a train on Saria and others

Even if we got enough Stars to get to a Bowser stage we wouldn't be able to beat him.

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>guards squash our charge before it even begins
>SJW resetera shills side with desert jews because muh stronk womyn are being oppressed

OoT involves fighting way more actual enemies than Mario 64. You can argue we could bumrush our way through the few Bowser fights, but how's any of us going to deal with all the Lizafos, Stalfos, Wolfos, etc in OoT? We'll be fucking slaughtered. Not to mention the fact that there's only one sword.

If we assume he's made of cast-iron or something similar used in the construction of early artillery then he'd be pretty fucking heavy. I imagine we wouldn't be able to actually throw him, so we'd have to figure something else out.

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we have more men then they have willpower

I don't think it needs to be a full throw
Lifting him and dropping him, like, 2-3 feet could count as a hit.

POST THE CHART

One guy gets sword
Everyone else looks for sticks
Hyrulean sticks hit hard when you jump with them

>part where we all age 7 years
>70% die from ass cancer and heart disease

YAHOO
YAHOO
YA-YA-YY--YA-Y-AY-YAAYAAY-YAAHOOOO

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>OoT involves fighting way more actual enemies than Mario 64.
The enviroment in mario 64 would be way more dangerous to us than most enemies in OoT

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we can lynch him, start riots against him at levels never seen before since hyrule town and kakariko village are populated only by 100 people compared to our THOUSANDS

OoT involves fighting a 20 foot demon, how the fuck you expect to survive that?

>One person continually hits the enemies shield, locking the enemy in a block animation
>Everyone else stabs that enemy in the ass
GG

You can buy Hylian shields right? They pretty much make you invulnerable if you point it towards an enemy. You could have circles formed of anons holding shields outwards with a single user in the middle whacking monsters with deku sticks.

We have to pick the most chad looking Yea Forums user ever to use the Master Sword

>implying we have anyone here who can swing a heavy metal sword non stop for the amount of time it'll take for the other anons to kill the enemy.
You're severely overestimating how in shape this place is. Even for someone in shape that's a tall order, especially if they have to do it multiple times for multiple enemies.

Depends on how much
>Realistic world physics apply
matters when it comes to anons wielding game items

how about we just fuck everything in the ass

>whip out dick
>prod Bob-omb's ass with dicks
>Bob-omb moves away because he isnt gay
>prod king off ledge to get him to fall on his ass
>repeat until star

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>a group of them accuse the boo's to be larping

>implying there aren't vore fetishists in this thread right now

Real world physics should mean the items are heavy and we can't just pull them out of nowhere, but they should still function as they do in game. Otherwise they probably wouldn't block fire, flaming rocks, or magic and shit, which makes them useless. Magic wouldn't work either since Din's fire would kill us. I'd argue that the shield functions as it does in game in that it blocks everything it's pointed at.

If the goal is to kill Ganondorf, we must do it in Young Link's time before he gets the Triforce of Power, therefore never going into the future.

It blocks everything, but I'm talking is your arm going to get destroyed taking that blow.

I don't. I was just pointing out that the biggest danger in Mario 64, besides the bossfights, are the levels themselves.
There are so many of them where you can just fall to your death or have other instant death mechanics, in OoT the terrain seems alot more managable for anons to fight in.

Also a Bowser that isn't restricted to game mechanics would be stronger than anything you fight in OoT

But if it did then Link would take damage when he uses it and he doesn't.

Real world physics doesn't apply to Link
He can also fall down 9 stories with only minor heart loss, no broken legs.
It's not possible for Link to break bones.

Hmm let's see.
1. Bobomb's
>king
too heavy
>the race
doable
>island star
nope, cannon is fucked
>red coins
fucked
>secrets
fucked
>chomp
doable
so 2 from bob's

Mario 64 is impossible.
OoT is easy as shit if we get to Hyrule Castle before night while ignoring the Deku Tree, simply by telling everyone Ganon's evil.
Now, how would we do Banjo Kazooie?

OoT still has deadly terrain.
I don't know if the Red/Blue tunic would work if "realistic physics apply"
How the hell is anyone supposed to beat the water temple?

I would like to volunteer myself for Blast Away the Wall in Whomp's Fortress.

hard mode: anons are split in teams of 2 and one has to carry the other in a backpack

Dude, we could just get pick axes and chip away at the wall.

2. Whomp's
>whomp
actually doable if enough people stomped him
>tower
should be fine
>reds
also fine since you can knock down the board to make a bridge
>cannon
fucked
>owl
super fucked, he can't carry our fat asses
>wall cannon
super fucked
>100c
doable
4 stars so we're up to 6

6

only one person can get the zora tunic i guess
figure out the best swimmer

Show me where the pickaxe store is in Mario 64

3. JRB
>Ship
Doable
> eel
Doable
>cove
doable
>reds
doable
>jets
doable
>pillars
fucked
>100c
doable
>aqua, and slide
doable
+3
>wing
fucked

+9, we're at 15

15

Key phrase is realistic physics. So yeah.

how you going to swim that deep mate?

>>owl
>super fucked, he can't carry our fat asses
He only has to carry one person. There's got to be someone here of equal or lesser weight than Mario.

how would we even be able to handle the heat of lethal lava land and bowser stage 2?

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4. CCM
>slide
probably not, you can't just turn on a dime
>race
see above
>baby
doable
>reds
nope, good luck making the jump at the end
>snowman
should be easy
>wall jumps
FUCK NO
>100c
unlikely, a lot are in slide
only +2

We're at 17

17

The cave the ice slide takes place in has a six-foot thick layer of corpses at the bottom.

What if we just kill the fat ass racer penguin and take his star. Nothing is stopping us.

>a bunch of lanklets and manlets that can barely lift a mouse
>carrying eachother

Hey, enough meat in the grinder and eventually it'd happen

yeah, but if we're doing real world physics then an owl isn't carrying more than a few pounds

I don't know.
It doesn't really seem all that deep to me
Plus I'm assuming you could use the metal cap

Did nobody bring scuba gear?

Gay and fem anons could just suck off Bowser

With what? that nigga huge

5. BBH
I'm conflict here, because there are ghosts and we can

we can't hurt ghosts can we?
I'm going to mark this one as a fat zero.

>he can't wall jump
Loser, I could do that one

I'm pretty sure I would die looking at those skyboxes and scale proportions and heights alone
>aquarium with no exit

Nigga we got hands, we just punch the fuck out of him. What's he gonna do, hit us with his gay ass flippers?

6. HMC
>dory
sure
>metal cap
sure
>metal cap gate
should be okay
>reds
good
>gas x 2
I think we should hold our breath long enough, not too bad
>monkey bars star
should be okay too
>100c
I don't see why not

+8 here for 25

We're at 25. +3, 1 for each bunny and toad

28

fine nigger, we murder the penguin and we get 29 then

7. LLL
>bully
probably a fucked idea, but if we have enough and are just pushing him maybe
>other bullies
see above
>reds
easy
>log
fucked
>vocano x2 and reds
super fucked
+3

We're at 31

cant we just throw a shell at him?

The smartest and strongest would have to take charge. Using the shitposters, zoomers, and the one female as bait. For heavy enemies you dig pits. We could make simple tools and traps. Spears are underrated. 10 Yea Forumsirgins surround Bowser and poke him until they die or he bleeds out. Swarms are the key. Mario did it solo so surely 100 or so of us could get it done. If you're afraid of fire we just piss on one another. Badda bing.

8. SLL
>pyramid
easy
>inside top
easy
>bird
we aren't getting to the top of the pillars
>reds
nope, too many in the air
>hands
too tuff m8
>secrets
might be okay
>100c
you get 8 from the air, but you could sub these probably

+4

35

also, the idea behind bowser would be to make a congo line to just drag him to a bomb.
Reds from dark world + 1

36

we die upon entering bowser in the lava sea RIP

>/biz/ goes full meltdown when someone dies and they lose all their coins
> /biz/ finds a coin circle and hops in the middle and meditates surrounded by wealth
> Some user grabs the coins
> youtu.be/iJR7YBvhif0?t=4
> that one sumo user who legit out duels king bobomb and actually takes over the kingdom

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that's how the rest of us survive. We make a bridge of corpses

Vanish cap is probably fucked

9 DDD.
Let's assume someone is a god swimmer and can make the gap
>chests
yes
>manta
yes
>sub
yes
>reds
yes
>rings
yes
>cage
nope, no vanish
>100c
yes

+6

Cannot do bowser reds.

42

>>log
>fucked
No reason we can't get over there, some people are good at log rolling, and even if nobody here is, the wall next to the log is climbable as shit.

If it's real world physics, everyone would probably die of heatstroke if they entered Lethal Lava Land as-is. Bowser in the Fire Sea as well.

If you're going to do that wouldn't you just kill him and take the star instead of racing?

> pannenkoek secret browsing Yea Forums like all autists
> sucked in too
> Trains a group of 10 or so interdimensional phase universe distorting monks who then proceed to gibb bowser

10. SL
>mountain,
too many fucked jumps
>bully
doable
>box
if someone boosted and went to back way yes
>cube
I think we could do this with enough of us
>reds
no, ice lake
>igloo
no, too hard to get to no vanish
>100c
no

+3 and +4 with toad

46

>some people are good at log rolling
well, you would probably add 2 in that case
>wall next to the log is climbable as shit.
with what? the kick shit wouldn't work with physics and we got no gear

yeah, but i'm trying to avoid hard stops and figuring star count.
I dont' really know how hot being NEAR lava would be, though

50

its a metal chain link fence

sorry I thought you were talking about TTM.
that's what the "add two was"
But yes, I'll add one LLL star for that log too.

+1 for 51.

>he dies halfway through the temple and there's no way to get the tunic back

we'll have him use farore's before he dies so we can pick up where he leaves off

51 THI
>plants
stems are flimsy, maybe
The problem is getting around the rest of the island.
You can't jump upwards to short cut, the fish would eat us too, and the wind would fuck us around.

I'm going to say just 1 here.

52

What said.

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Does Yoshi still give us max lives? If we can get to the roof then we have more or less eternity of trial and error at our disposal.

Wet dry World
>city x 2, 100c
TOO FUCKING FAR TO SWIM
But, one person would go over there and then someone could then hit the switch, but we still don't have vanish
>amps
actually, wouldn't this mean the whole fucking place would be live with electricity?
But then they'd short out right?
I don't know, I'm going to assume they kill themselves while were on the raft and then we're good to go.
>grate
easy
>platforms
easy
>secrets
good to go

+6

58

You can buy the blue tunic
Just need to scrounge up the rupees
Well, I think we also need a blue flame to get into the Zora shop.
And fuck, do you really think anyone could make the jump into the Ice Cave? You got to jump, on ice, to a ledge.

>bottom

Guys, I'm hungry and cold. There's the tiny penguin, s-should i?

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tiny penguin is NOT for lewding

That thing has to be hotter than hell.

upstairs toads +1 to 53
Only 2 stages to go and 17 stars needed.

Conclusion: we're fucked.

>I dont' really know how hot being NEAR lava would be, though
It's really not safe to be anywhere near lava.

If lives are coming into play might as well as grind them entering and exiting levels.
How do we exit levels? We can't pause the game. Do we need to get a star to exit levels? Are anons eternally trapped in levels where the stars were already gathered?
Real-world physics means lives are not in play

the blue stars would eject you

presumably anons can exit levels if they're stopped on level ground by thinking about it

we can just bash down the doors and construct ladders from the wood and maybe piranha vines..
then we just beat the shit out of bowser via sheer numbers and improvised weapons.
fuck going through the courses.

many of the levels would just cease to function if real physics were applied I.E. floating platforms, water levels draining and raising from nowhere.

>falls off ledge
>jumps back up and it doesnt count as a hit
when was the last time you fought this guy? i made the same mistake last time i played, it would make more sense if throwing him off the mountain was what would kill him, but it does nothing

>beat all 3 bowsers
>rescue peach, finally free
>credits play
>load back outside of Peach's castle, nothing has changed
OH NO NO NO NO NO

But now I can get to the roof and finally know what Yoshi smells like

The biggest problem is getting from point A to point B whenever there's a gap a normal human can't YIPPEE! his ass to. And there are tons of those. So unless we're all making human bridges for people to climb over or stacking ten people on each other's shoulders like a fucking Buster Keaton film, we're not getting to Bowser.

What if using the metal cap turned our insides to metal as well and we suffocated.

If real world physics apply then wearing the wing cap would just send the cap flying off your head.

So, the pinball episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?, then.

vanish cap all light passes through us so were technically blind for the duration

haha do you think he smells like farts

We don't need to 100% complete it, fuck that star.

Not if I use my belt to secure the hat in place.
I still wouldn't know jack shit about how to fly it though, so that's out of the picture.

Invisible cap? So, if you're invisible, you go through metal grates.

the real problem is that we'd never make it in the lost woods due to what it does to outsiders.

make weapons dummy.
imagine all of us throwing rocks at them or using sharpened sticks as spears

this.
we'd never get into the sword room.
we likely cant draw the sword
we likely can't ALL traverse time at once

sneak in with a bow and snipe

That was one of the few episodes that ended badly for the protagonist I think. That was rare for the show.

Ok, so we need to catch the rabbit, put the metal cap on it, and use it as a weapon to bludgeon things.

Sure was.

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user please, do you understand what will happen to the rabbit the second he'll get caugh? It's over man

What's the real nature of the challenge here? Is it can we beat the game under it's own rules? Like we have to get 70 stars and then climb the stairs and fight Bowser? Or is it can we beat Bowser *somehow* using anything at our disposal that we can think up and make possible? Like can we get a ladder and break our way through the ceiling of each floor in the castle to reach the final Bowser entrance without even solving the staircase?

do we all need to collect the stars individually, or can some anons go into some paintings and work together to get them all? If so, it wouldn't be very difficult at all. We could build an amorphous pile of human flesh to climb to reach most of the hidden blocks and hard to reach areas.

Y'all forget the primary skill of humanity, Tools! We can just gather bomb-ombs and blow up the fucking castle like terrorists. Blow those fuckers up, Fuck peach, fuck Bowser establish toad democracy live in peace with the toad people.

>Implying anons wouldn't rush to hyrule castle just to fuck/rape loli zelda

Hyrulians spontaneously inundated with Yea Forums degenerates and suddenly Ganon is the better option so they just hand him the Triforce.

You want to thrust all the lolicon anons into that world?

Can we ask Yoshi to let us ride him? That would make our job easier by several orders of magnitude.

You absolutely must do 3 stars in Bob-omb Battlefield in order to even unlock other worlds.
There are only a few stars available at the very start. Those being beating the King Bob-omb, getting the star behind the Chain Chomp and possibly collecting the red coins if we can make it to the floating island without the cannon.
Everything else requires you to complete the first star, unlocking the cannons and the wing cap.
Considering how fucking heavy King Bob-omb would be, I think our best bet genuinely is the star behind Chain Chomp, which really doesn't sound appealing.
However, if we work together we may be able to have some anons act as bait while the others try to pound the pole down into the ground. The Chain Chomp will hopefully focus his attention on whatever person is closest too him and he can not break out of his chains no matter what. You'd have to have one or more anons stand just outside his range while others sneak up behind him, making sure not to get too close so as not to attract his attention.
This will require some teamwork, which is already a bad sign, but I think it's doable.
The pole shouldn't require too much force to be pushed down. Mario's weight alone is enough and I'm sure we can find some fatass to jump up and down on it three times.

The question is, where do we go from there?

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>jump into painting
>die from impacting the ground

You're working within the world of Mario 64 and realistic world physics apply. Meaning, you can not jump any higher than you can in real life and fall damage will hurt you significantly.
You must gather enough stars to progress as there are no other ways to open the magically sealed doors.
I'm not sure how the caps will work though.

King Bob-omb should be doable with enough people. Even Mario doesn't throw him very far to do damage. The real problem is he's going to fucking murder anyone he gets hold of when he throws their ass off the cliff.

you realise mario falls into the worlds right. he doesn’t just appear, he comes from the sky

Right but can we interact with the world in ways that Mario cannot? Can we break things? Move things?

>The real problem is he's going to fucking murder anyone he gets hold of when he throws their ass off the cliff.
This is what I was thinking too. Even if you get lucky and he just chucks you inward, you'll be looking at a possible few broken bones, or worse.
Also, he is fully intangible while he's throwing someone, so that might be an issue.
I think it is possible though, but you'll need two or three anons to lift him up and maybe a couple more to abuse the AI. His turning speed is pretty slow and we can move relatively fast, without any restraints like Mario. Hell, if we manage to simply trip him it might damage him.

Stick near the center to avoid that. Landing on the top will hurt, but the person won't go splat

That's okay. You'll be landing on the dead anons that went in before you.

nah, you just need 1 star for slide and whomps.
And you could get the 2 stars from slide.

I think we can break things that are breakable, but they would still be made of real material.
For example, breaking a cap box would be nearly impossible as it is likely made of some kind of metal. Mario's strength is just obscene when you think about it.

Could the entirety of Yea Forums beat any major questline of a TES game?

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The fucking slide itself would kill people. Realistic physics on that thing will send you flying off into oblivion.

Depends on the texture. If we're able to slow down a bit, it may be very possible to beat it.
Maybe we can slide along the wall to keep a steadier pace?
The big scary problem is that one steep slope before the wall-less part. That will likely just kill you.

Ok but what about getting to the roof of the castle and smashing through the ceiling to reach the final Bowser entrance? Zero stars needed.

Even if we survive the slide itself, we'd also smash into the wall at the bottom going god knows how fast.

If realistic physics are in effect, nothing should really stop us from draining the moat, right?
I mean, it's all a matter of diving down, opening the door and going in there to ground pound the pillars. Shouldn't be any problems.
That gives us access to the basement levels. I'm thinking the sand or lava level might allow for some quick, albeit dangerous, stars.

>realistic world physics
so can we just smash down doors with our combined over-weight

How far are we taking "realistic" in "realistic physics"? Because the entire Ghost House and Tiny Big Island are out of play then. You can't go warping people's sizes and expect them to be fine.

Why I'm laughing so much at this

too busy trying to fuck Epona

No we cannot nigger. Who the hell gonna survive Dire Dire docks?

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>opening a door underwater
nah

Convection makes Lethal Lava Land quite lethal with realistic physics. That whole stage is a no go.

Do we gain air by collecting coins underwater? If not every single underwater star is impossible.

>smashing through the ceiling
You're talking about breaking through solid stone castle walls here, user. How do you figure we'll do that?

the smell alone would kill bowser

>Opening a door under water
Exactly what would be stopping us from doing that?
>Muh pressure
We're down maybe 2-3 meters. Plus, there is water on the other side of the door as well, creating equal pressure.

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*Blocks your path*

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I would rather spend years breaking my hands trying to claw through the ceiling than try one single level in this game. Do you have any idea how terrifying a single Goomba would be face to face? This thing that's almost the size of Mario himself? Waddling toward you with giant eyes? Real actual humans are afraid of dogs. Now tell them "we just need you to distract this chain chomp while we sneak around and smash this pole he's attached to into the ground. There will be some epic bricks shat in the very first level alone.

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A Goomba would most likely kill you or knock you unconscious in a single nudge.
But, they're also easy to kill if you can jump high enough. We'll be about twice the height of Mario(unless you're an absolute manlet) so it really shouldn't be too hard.

they are cool niggas
btw are they barefeet? haha asking for a friend

Jumping on something that is at least 3 and a half feet tall and moving erratically while trying to attack you? That is no easy task.

You guys, we only need 70 stars to beat the game, we just gotta get 70 easy non intrusive stars. 100 coin stars, easy challenge stars. someone could distract chomp while we destroy the pillar. It'd be pretty easy, sure theres 50 extra stars we CANT do but that gives a lot of leeway.

So yeah I'd like to think if we weaponized our combined autism we could do it.

Most 100 coin stars require coins way out of reach. Like they're either in the sky or inside giant clams deep underwater.

We won't even be able to get 10 stars.

Or, y'know, you can just punch them like mario can.

Alright, so here's my plan.
>Chain Chomp Gate
One user stands outside the Chain Chomp's reach. This is scary, but it's easy as fuck since the Chain Chomp will always target whatever player is closest to him. This lets other anons safely take care of the pole.

>Peach's Secret Slide
Might be dangerous, but if we go in with like 10 people all at once, we can line up horizontally and squeeze against the walls to slow our decent. At the part with the large slope, we'll use the rightside wall and cling to it and slowly decent that way.
There is no way in hell we're getting the 2nd star on this one though.

>Whomp's Fortress
This is the first major hurdle I think. The Whomp boss at the top is going to be extremely dangerous and frightening, but I think we'd be able to collect 100 coins fairly easily.
If that fails, we should be able to build a human pyramid and get the star up on the platform by the lower area beside the cannon. There are actually few enemies to worry about here, as long as we stay out of their reach.

That leaves us with at least three stars and access to Jolly Roger Bay and Cool Cool Mountain.

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I'm pretty sure Mario is super strong. No way a human under realistic physics constraints could demolish those giant stone blocks the way Mario does with a single punch.

That won't do shit. You don't realise how fucking retarded strong Mario is. He's capable of breaking wooden boxes about three times his size with a single punch.
You really think some puny twink punch from a Yea Forumsirgn will put a dent in a goomba?

With real world physics, we're fucked as early as the frog jump part.

Jolly Roger Bay should have one star within immediate reach. The one up on the platform next to the large pole.
All you need to do is swim over and climb up there and grab it. It may be slippery, but we can probably figure it out.

So grab a fucking coin and just throw it at it.

Easy. I conceal carry, and Zelda has both gunpowder and metal. Presuming I couldn't kill Ganondorf through Zelda's window, despite having a laser and multiple shots (and Ganondorf having no clue what the fuck a gun is, so he would just keep looking at me curiously), I would have the ability to fashion new bullets.

I say we gang up on the femanons, who's with me :D

Are you actually retarded? None of us have the absurd strength to chuck the coin hard enough to kill anything.
Our best bet is still to jump on them.

>can we beat the game by getting enough stars to kill Bowser?
>Realistic world physics apply

No, are you stupid?

It shouldn't be that hard to get a star in Cool Cool Mountain. Getting the penguin baby down is relatively safe.
There are no enemies on the way down and the slide never really poses any danger. You'll be able to go down to where the snowman's head is and then ride the lift to the side. Easy.
Anything else will probably be impossible. The actual slide races are extremely dangerous and I don't see any way for us to gain access to any other useful part of the level.

How would we even reach Bowser? Even assuming we got 70 stars and made it up the staircase, the last level is full of of crazy shit. There's a staircase with huge steps we'd have to climb over and you have literal seconds before it turns into a slope.

Presuming you could work as a group, you could have someone stand on the button while every one else climbs.

There will be like 20 of us all at once. We can probably just lie down against the slope and form a human ladder or something.

>Realistic world physics apply
Not exactly sure how, seeing as we would need to jump into fucking paintings. Also, there's a never ending staircase that leads to a hole in the floor that takes you someplace bigger than Peach's castle, meaning you're falling a long fucking way.

The button doesn't stay down. It disengages before you can press it again.

An enormous amount of Yea Forums members would legitimately kills themselves over the world not looking like the Unity version.

Yeah, but the stairs would slope for a quarter second while the button gets pressed again. You'd definitely have to time shit right in order to not bite your tounge, but you wouldn't slide down. Not enough time to.

Oh yeah. We'll do fine.

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I would be sitting by the lake outside the castle like a crestfallen guy from dark souls, just give up lads. We're doomed.

I'll join you. Hell, I'll probably go for a swim. Looks like the water is warm and comfy.

>real world physics apply
>Take down one of many trees in front of the castle
>make a DIY ram out of tree log
>break every single castle door in your way, real world physics = no sealing door magic
>go straight to BiTS because endless stairs don't exist in real world
>make your way up top and dogpile Bowser while shanking him with pointy sticks

Bye everyone, just flying off the platform from the visible shockwave!

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Why not use a very slim user who can pass through the bars and get the star?

The trees are all 2D, user. You can not grab them.

>edgy faggots kill people like you for being "dead weight"
It'd be anarchy, lads.

I don't think that's a shockwave, judging by what happens when it hits Mario. Just a severe tremor, which realistically wouldn't hurt you.

>game clearly takes place in 1996
>called Super Mario 64'

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>Realistic world physics apply
Lmao, just break down the doors.

You're dumb.

took me 1 second

Are there any maps that could actually sustain life/have any food in them? This would be at least a month's work getting through all this shit

>Go to lava paining
>Catch fire and die instantly

>Food
We'd resort to cannibalism within hours.

There's nothing overly malicious in Dire Dire Docks. The pressure from diving is a concern, but a decent swimmer should be able to swim through the tunnel and reach Bowser's sub, and even falling from the pipes for that star isn't a guaranteed death because it's not a far drop to the water. A decent swimmer could do it, and if the magic speedy Koopa shell still retains its speed we could use it to zoom around underwater without wasting energy.

Sunken ship and tiny/huge island have fish. Mushrooms in tall tall mountain might be edible.

There are fish in jolly roger bay, and some of the enemies could be killed for food. The piles of dead anons if things get desperate, and then the fat guys when those get too rotten. IT AIN'T LIKE IT WAS BEFORE! IF YOU WANNA SURVIVE, YOU GOTTA WAHOO, RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW

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Lethal Lava Land is a complete bust. I'd be worried about Shifting Sand Land and Tiny-Huge Island, and perhaps Wet-Dry World because the swimming and diving in that world is so much worse than Jolly Roger's Bay or Dire Dire Docks.

What?
Leo.jpg

Dibs on not doing this level.

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Tiny-Huge Island is also impossible. Making a person giant or tiny will fuck up their entire physiology. The Ghost House has a similar problem. Oxygen molecules would have to diffuse through your lungs one at a time.

Ironically this is actually probably one of the easier levels. All seven stars are probably possible.

I gathered TIny-Huge doesn't actually change your physiology, but changes the island's size instead. If the Ghost House is magic it might be possible to complete, since we can obviously enter normal worlds through the paintings. Don't breathe the air in Hazy Maze Cave, it will poison and kill you.

There is no real way to get up on the third floor, so we're limited to 4 stars at best.

Hang on, in special levels when Mario falls to his supposed death he's instead dropped back in the moat or pond outside the castle. Would that stay true in our scenario?

>suddenly people can't see shit because of shit camera
>can't move or even turn around properly because of shit controls
>have to go through the same level tons of times because they had to squeeze a fucking mario game onto a cartridge that has space-sucking 3d levels and couldn't do proper fucking level progression
The sooner gaming admits Super Mario 64 was a complete and utter failure set up by Nintendo's marketing fucks to look good to a bunch of new gamers who didn't know any better, the sooner gaming can heal from the last 20+ years of style-over-substance shit gaming.

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>mfw I realized the piano is a reference to an older horror movie
youtu.be/bkKRgk6lrY4

Did mario shit on your lasagna bro

Hold up. Is Lakitu following us? I'mma steal that cloud.

>completely ignoring objective facts about this mediocre game and instead posting bullshit
This is the fucking problem. Instead of actually admitting you're wrong, you instead waste your time and effort on hurling insults. The modern fucking generation in a goddamn nutshell.

>Mario is apparently incapable of walking in a straight line (no, really--try it)
>Platform games, as we know them, are dead. Next!
This sounds like a Polygon article from 2012. Goddamn.

And what is substance to you? Next are you going to tell me Ocarina of Time has no substance? Goldeneye? Spyro the Dragon? Gaming has and will always be about style, and how it’s expressed through fun and engaging gameplay. Take Breath of the Wild, for example. It’s beautiful, fun, and stylish. Then Red Dead Redemption 2 comes around and expands upon Breath of the Wild save for one thing: style. Breath of the Wild is still talked about two years later, Red Dead Redemption 2 is rarely brought up just six months after it released.

>ALL ANONS GATHER IN DIRE DIRE DOCKS
>OKAY NOW DRINK, ALL OF YOU

Take away his googles too

>Objective facts
Nitpicking shit like replaying levels is not objective, the platforming still holds up today. Also cringed at thinking any review matters.

>enter for the first time
>anons fight big boo
>real world physics apply
>you can't punch ghosts

There should be Lemmings games based around other games, see how the little bastards deal with Bowser or the Covenant.

>you can't punch ghosts bro
Nice try casper but I'm onto you

>Madman user dies of carpet burn after getting the second slide star by himself
>Other anons spit on his grave for not doing the TTM slide first

I have an idea. We farm bombs at Battlefield by putting out their fuses before they go out. Use torches to reignite the fuses and use explosions to get through doors/walls. Assuming real physics, but enough magic to make shit like floating islands to work, we can definitely bomb our way through the last level and Bowser himself.

If real world physics apply, do we have menuing? Of not, how do we get out of levels? If there's 50 anons and one star, that would mean 49 anons are stranded.

>Of not, how do we get out of levels?
You have to collect a power star, unless there is another level exit. No backing out once you've entered.

Have the anons grab onto each other while the user with the star does his victory pose, have one user grab onto star user and out comes all 50 anons. Landing might not be smooth, but it's better than being stranded.

Can't we just do a human pyramidladder?

>Realistic physics apply
Good luck then, most people here probably don't know how to swim

Can stars heal? Can coins? Do underwater bubbles contain oxygen? Do books in the ghost library contain magical spells?

also what if minecraft? can anons best a dragon in combat?

>HE GOT THE STAR GRAB HIS DICK

>That one user that got left behind in a level with no stars left.
I wonder how long he lasted.

You can still leave via empty stars.

How do get into a nonpipe-level...

just jump into the paintings you fucking nigger

Sorry, didn't know that works in real life, I've never been in an art gallery before

>also what if minecraft?
Just build an apache.

Not if you collect them all. Once you touch the star, it disappears. If you're left behind, you're stuck.

>Realistic world physics
No. Every level has Mario coming in hot and landing from like 10 feet or so in the sky (Galaxy would later do the same thing but from even farther). Any user who goes into a painting has their legs broken on impact.

>Realistic world physics
>Complains about broken legs
>Jumping into a painting is fine, though.

he wants to eat it you dumbass

You can't punch them but you can fight fire with fire.

vocaroo.com/i/s1l8vktNn9cs

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just use maintenance you dumb fucking jian

If real word physics apply, then bowser in the sky would fall down due to gravity. Checkmate Bowser.

real world physics apply to the world or the players?

what would getting run into by a goomba feel like?

>that user that sprints at a painting full speed and misses the jump

>that /k/ user that brought a gun and who knows how much ammo

i’m fast as fuck watch me smoke koopa the quick

we can redo this mission for endless turtle meat

Im pretty sure we would all die.
On the first water level, there is no way in fuck im getting in a lake with a giant eal in it

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Everyone respawns once everyone is dead.
Whilst being dead you can watch as Lakitu and shitpost telling the cowards to kill themselves or die trying.
Cheering the chads who get stars.

Comfy.

ok this is based

>Final Bowser battle
>Two hits down
>One user remaining
>Somehow manages to harvest his inner tard strength and throw Bowser into the bomb
>Final Star
>Flies to the castle, frees Peach
>About to get the kiss
>A cloud of thousand REEEEing Lakitus descends from above, calling peach a whore, trying to get the kiss for themselves, shitposting loudly

I laughed pretty hard at this.