Why can't she be real, Yea Forums?

Why can't she be real, Yea Forums?

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youtube.com/watch?v=zYQ_zH3-Ofc&feature=youtu.be&t=19
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She would destroy us all if she was

All I want is a cute daughter desu.

hat girl is best girl

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nice

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heres a better dancing gif

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I tried playing A Hat in Time but the early levels are so hand-holdy it's obnoxious
like SM64 was just
>jump into level
>pick your star
>go get it
but hat in time has all these cutscenes and dialogue
almost like it discourages exploration if it's not for the current hourglass
does it stop doing this later on in the game?