Write What Weighs Heavily On Your Mind

What's even the fucking point? Unskinny will immediately be translated as fat, and will immediately take on the exact same connotations and pejorative nature when their doctor tells them their foot needs to be amputated due to their diabetes from being "unskinny". Same trajectory as mongoloid->retarded->intellectually disabled.

Everything wrong with the current man and our society in one image.

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is there a reasonable argument to be made that this is partly the result of legalizing weed?

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legal weed creates q laissez-faire attitude toward drugs in general leads to lax enforcement of drug laws leads to refusing to prosecute leads to vagrants shitting on the street with impunity. obviously more complex then that, but there's a definite condition

no lol

No what made it worse was blm and covid. They are barely starting to dismantle some of the camps on skid row but that's a drop in the ocean now that there are homeless camps all over la county in places where they weren't before.

I meant outside of skid row.

Women are like broken records, delicate like disks too.

I dated a crazy cat lady who had so many issues. I know that goes without saying but this one: pet racoon even. It learned to eat with a knife and fork and expect well cooked meals. All the red flags turned me on. She didn't brush her Britbong tier teeth. All this disturbed me. She's by far the craziest woman Ive ever been with, the hottest too. Every horrible defect wriggled in my heart sympathy and intrigue. She had a perfect figure yet she dressed like a past century British pauper. She wasnt content with me as confident powerhouse alpha master me, no only cuddly castrati who wont get up when the cat sits on my lap. Who grovels on the phone like a worm beta bitch made SIMP. She would whine and hiss at me when I was my normal many self and she would love bomb me upon begging and pleading and defacing myself. Turns out she had a full stable of serotonin depleted losers. It felt like some industrial plot twist. After not hearing from her on the phone for a while I sent her a love letter just to beg to see in her person one last time and she started giving me one word responses that weren't dismissive but the weakest bare minimum "hmm". I was like an incense stick lit but left to burn to myself. Im sure if I showed a new low I could see her. Only the self sacrificing cult of simps get to see madame of the not-neverland ranch.

Why do that to yourself

My world view was so warped by illusions when I was younger, a complete lack of understanding of how the world works.
I had to learn by the worst way, if only I could go back in time.

Yeah same. I didn’t realize how cold the world was until it was too late.

Rather than entering the maze from above and seeing others make wrong turns you make wrong turns with them.

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I'm unemployed. I have no friends. I need to lose weight. I jack off every day. I obsessively desire a gf. I have mostly spent this entire pandemic indoors. I have insomnia. I procrastinate on something as simple as community college. This is what's on my mind: failure.

For one to improve, first one has to believe they can get better. Do you think you can get better?

She was a damaged danger zone peak.
Hairdressers are wild. The last crazy hot girl I seduced introduced me to her kids and the pets (that she chemically tortures in front of her children (she then blames her son for the dead guinea pigs) in boastful pride).
This is the price you pay for the most voluptuous feminine females. The lack of any grounding male element makes them dog fucking incestuous maniac hellspawn. This hairdresser was horror movie tier. This crazy cat lady cashier had no cruelty to her. Cruel, sensual, malicious thoughts. Ah look where that got me.

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That hairdresser was glamor model tier.
I think Momokun and Gianna Michaels are maxing out the hotness and minimizing their craziness for peak performance. I have yet to find my little hellraiser.

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it's obscene for weed to be illegal when the majority can use it responsibly. but how many fentanyl and meth addled homeless started with weed? is it not inevitable that they gravitate to a nicer climate and friendly gov?

The first thing that happened when I sat down at my desk this morning was my boss showing me his newest NFT. "Hit big on another", he smirked as he pulled out my phone and showed me a picture of a cute cartoon rat. A week ago he bought it for $400, he said, it's now worth 40 times that. He protects his investments on a hardware crypto wallet. He wears it around his neck. I want to choke him with the lanyard.

My dates this spring have led to nothing, mostly. One declined a 2nd date. Another said she'd like to see me again, then went out of town for a few weeks. I'm sure if she'll ever be back. Each one playing out like a premature divorce in my head, after a week of dating, becoming overly attached, clinging to the thought of them as they disappear into the next notification on my phone, a new match, wife, ready to meet. The last week has been dry. My friends are making plans to meet up next weekend but I already am far too tired to think about this.

When I got home today I saw a mouse for the 3rd time since Saturday, scurrying into the corner of my living room, where there was ostensibly nowhere for it to go. He'd normally disappear into the wall, a tiny crevice that can be as small as the diameter of a pencil, says Google. This time he hit my trap, mostly. In his panic his foot set off the spring and got caught in the metal, pinned between peanut butter and plywood. He was still alive.

I picked up the trap, my friend dangling and panicking, and felt a deep sense of shame. I wanted to open up the trap and let him go, but knew he'd just suffer more. I also didn't want to touch him. I took him out to the street where I stood over the trashcan and considered just dropping him in, and then I immediately felt worse. For some reason, I began to tear up. Like the weight of the last few weeks of disappointments and lonely boredom got him trapped here, fully alive, fully stuck. A rat in a trap. If I dropped him in the can he'd just starve and suffer and die.

I dropped him to the ground and picked up the metal trashcan and smashed him to death. As I hit him with the can the third time I let out a whimper and felt his body grind into the pavement.

It was raining, I assume his body eventually washed away into the storm drain. There's still another mouse somewhere here. I haven't set a trap for it.

It's many things, the fucked economy being one. What if I told you a man in the 1950s-1990s could get a four year education in some bullshit like Political Science, then say "You know what, I want to be a video game designer for Nintendo" and just go and fucking do it. Kojima is an example. There are currently people with Master degrees that can't get a decent paying job.

>1950s
Me again. I actually meant to say since the beginning of time. It was easier before the 1950s. You could walk up to Walt Disney, ask for a job, and as long as you knew the rudiments of creating shapes and moving them, you were hired.

Corporate farming changed so much it's unbelievable. The fact our economies survived such a drastic change is incredible to me. I'm not an economist but it's amazing something like 90% of people worked on independent farms around 1900 and somehow America shifted twice in the same century from manufacturing-oriented to service-oriented, and not only survived but became an economic behemoth.

I feel like a retard trying to understand global economics sometimes. In several ways economics is one of the most mysterious subjects, absolutely essential to the modern world but we're all still struggling to grasp how it works on a simple level.

I don’t know if my fellowship with the Lord is out fear or love. I think it’s a mixture of both, I don’t want to do good works just out of fear of earthy or even divine punishment — but at the same time I shouldn’t worry because Christ died on the cross for humanities sake. I believe this stems from my unwavering anxiety of other people, Man himself: because they don’t share Christs infinite mercy, you mess up once and you’re guilty by the time they set eyes on you.

Shouldn’t fear of punishment be a valid fear because the sin clogs your connection with Christ? I wouldn’t call it a servant kind of relationship i.e fear of punishment — I don’t want to have servant-Master dynamic with God, but as a loving and merciful relationship.

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Our colonel's mettle did you feel:
Czar's servant, soldiers' father real...
Yea, 'tis a pity: slain by steel,
Now sleeps he in black earth.

And eyes aflame, he spoke his mind:
"Hey lads! is Moscow not behind?
By Moscow then we die
As have our brethren died before!"
And that we'll die we all then swore,
And th' oath of loyalty ne'er tore
Neath Borodinian sky.

Just how absolutely beyond fucking epic is this written! The whole poem for that matter. It just... burns.

HOW MANY BROTHERS FELL VICTIM TO THE STREETS
REST IN PEACE YOUNG NIGHA THERE'S A HEAVEN FOR A G
BE A LIE IF I TOLD YOU THAT I NEVER THOUGHT OF DEATH
MY NIGGA WE THE LAST ONES LEFT

Petrol, HVAC, Electric motor, integrated circuits, and deceptive GlobohomoKeynes politics. Want to make sense of it all? Maybe it would all make sense if you had the national balances of every nation participating in every card that swipes: Visa, Mastercard, American Express. You wouldn't be able to make sense of the disaster caused by Fed rate Window rate bullwhips on Save and Loans then sinking bigger "boats" like Continental and Citadel. Then the contractors building homes, the suppliers, all are in disorder and dismay that men dont show up to work, work is performed poorly, lumber skyrockets in price, tools break, and the customer cannot afford this new bill after all building is said and done. Thats how the big stuff runs on the usual. These top down big macro economic interstices put every part into context. You can't irrigate a field without canals and pipes. So why would the seeds complain about maximizing their productivity and self help? Greener pastures are a circle of Dante's Hell. Every little concrete island that pathetically "tries hard" when its choked out is like a fry cook whining at McDonalds if only he would cook a better burger the sloppy high speed feast or famine bloody trickle drive thru would be profitable and manager would have good news. But here we are in the zoo blaming ourselves by our confusion rationed scraps in squalor.

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PS
T. Read William Greider

I agree. I’m guessing you’ve read the Unsettling of America? There was a fundamental piece of America that was lost when the Silent Generation and the Boomers left the family farms never to return.

dying fer a bit o coochie

woke up in the middle of the night.
it wasn't for this and it wasn't for that.
that's damn good to know.

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i'm damned if i fall for that shit again

I have not but this looks pretty interesting. There are actually theories out there suggesting our bodies aren't designed for large scale agriculture and our gut bacteria function better when ingesting foods grown in the same environment locally. I think almost everyone dislikes the current state of food production but the levels of economic importance and scale involved make it feel impossible to counteract even though it's a very recent change.

I haven’t read OR written in so long, the closet thing has been coming up with shit of TTRPGs I play in and run. I feel like I’m wallowing in mediocrity and wasting away as I work as a teller in a bank yet earn nothing close enough to get my own apartment, I am trying to go to school but I have the irrational fear that it will be a waste of time and I will have ANOTHER useless piece of paper like my high school degree, my military service, and my resume. The world feels like it hangs off the precipice of doom every second you turn on the tv yet looking out the window all is status quo.
I wish someone would kill me because I lack the strength and conviction to do it myself

Reasonable as in empirical? You can attempt to research such data by comparing the rise of homelessness of a state from the start of legalization to the present, then do that for other states that have it illegal. Naturally, this sort of empirical evidence will be confounded with endless of variables (hence attempt to research). I wouldn't be surprised if people mention the rising costs of everything, inflation, and more as a reason for why there is an increase of homelessness, particularly "tent cities." However, from a cause-and-effect relationship between homelessness and the legalization of weed is inherently obvious: some jobs require a drug test. If people fail the drug test, they cannot get those jobs they want. So they may take on a job that pays less. With less payment, they would have to sacrifice their lifestyle to cope with their drug addiction. Usually, drug addiction wins out because it is a easier and faster for dopamine to reward the brain than doing anything else. So, perhaps you can also research how weed effects the brain and its reward system, and how legalizing weed increases the odds of becoming homeless.

drank the whole damned bottom shelf
now i'm not allowed back

I am working out every day and trying to eat enough to refuel my body to take on more workouts. If I don't make it into officer candidate school, I don't know what I will do with myself. A civilian life isn't an option for me, I refuse. I fucking refuse!

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you now remember being "hype" for what felt like the very real living mystery of video games

New lit 'jak just dropped

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>and all you get in return is pussy
If you meet a good person you connect with, you get much more.
Of course getting to that point with anyone is the real challenge.

time to get high i guess

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It's kinda sad but I never experienced being hype for a game before
I loved video games as a kid but I was too poor to play new ones. By the time I was old enough to buy new video games I was depressed and couldn't enjoy them anymore.

Funnily enough the only game I ever experienced new was Portal 2. My dad bought it for me like a month after it came out and I loved it.

I didn't use Yea Forums for a week and my mental state improved

Lmao it's literally newspeak

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Go with that.
Go with this

I wish I could discern if I’m living the life I want or just the one I was forced into.

Is it comfy?

The other user is right. Wwoym is rumination central. You're indulging not only all your own negativity but also all the negativity of all the other anons. Wallowing is bad for you. Get offline for a while

No.
No. The failing economy has been adding homeless to the streets since the Obama crash, the Cares Act gave trillions to the wealthy and lockdowns for the small business. This is taking its toll too. Still no money is spent on drug rehabilitation, much less doing anything to halt the opioid epidemic.
It’s economic and it’s practically on purpose.

Yes. But very lonely.

All of the takes on homelessness itt are shit. Everyone who has had experience with homeless know they're all anti social drug addicts.

a pasta is born

You're a big guy

Yeah I'm praying for you friend

I’m in a similar place. (Though I can’t say forced)
I have to rekindle a passion and live a little more dangerously for a while. Retake comfy in old age I hope.

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You get a lot out of a good relationship but it's difficult to progress to that, at least for me, most of the time I just want my sexual impulses fulfilled. Then largely I like to be left alone. Or rather that's the easiest path for me and what I tell myself.

you can spot the predators in a second. its in their eyes and speech. some are more self aware than others but each of them knows that behind their eyes lay a hand grenade. no matter how they justify the existence of the weak, they feel in their bones a instinct to lunge.

I wonder if I will ever take control of my life again.

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