User how was your first day as the janitor at Nerv?

Imagine having to find the bathroom in Nerv, I bet you'd spend hours trying to get to it

It's fucking awful, Tim.
You wouldn't believe the messes I gotta clean up. Blood enough to fill 20 olympic stadiums and organic masses the sizes of skyscrapers.
Every time that goddamn alarm bell rings, people here freak the fuck out like "hurr durr oh no the end of the world". Me, I just take a long ass sigh because I know in 30 mins, they'll call me to clean another mess the size of Luxembourg.
When my shift begins, I wish the end of the world had actually happened instead

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I would quit, but my security clearance was a bitch to get.

This new german girl literally shat on the floor right in front of me.
What the actual fuck is this bullshit

What the fuck.
At the end of my shift on my way back home the other week, I got lost in a part of the facility where I don't usually go. I wondered around for about 10 minutes trying to find my bearings when suddenly I stumbled upon this huge aquarium full of naked teenage girl corpses inside.
There are some real sickos running this place, let me tell you.
I was never able to find that aquarium again. Rob from Sector 4 tells me I'm full of shit and made that story up. I was also quite tired after my shift so I might have hallucinated all of that. But I fucking swear it was real

Is it normal for so many people to be masturbating at an organization like this? I've literally walked in on like 3 people nutting. It's like a fucking Monty hall problem except replace the goats with genitalia.

Hey, it's the cop from the train scene in The Fugitive.

Atleast you weren't a security guard

Have you been inhaling the chemicals?
There's nothing of the sort going on at nerv.

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I steal a Rei clone, why?

I tried to strike up a conversation in the elevator, but everybody just stared off into space. Also, I'm pretty sure Captain Katsuragi made a pass at me when I was cleaning up the lunch room.

Attention, please stop throwing trash over the side of the giant escalator. We have to go down and clean all that shit.
Thank you.

i would love to be nerv's janitor just due to the fact that i can go into the womens restroom after it's been freshly used and enjoy. maybe i'd get to unclogged a toilet with my mouth.

Be this beta, and think that women are clean. Hell, they all are pig, clean their restroom is worse than the death.

It didn’t End well.

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Whatever the orange shit they keep spilling in the hanger is, it's a bitch to mop up.

Cleaning the entry plugs has got to be the worst, but comes with its perks.

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>Shinji puts a coin inside Eva 01
>Janitor notices and proceeds to make his life hell
I NEEED IIIT

>EVA UNIT!!for kids!

>you have to do a 10 min test to see if you can synchronize with it every time you want to ride it

Why the fuck would they have flamethrowers?

>commander ikari was fucking around with a fetus fused in his hand
god i hate this place

might as well commit some war crimes while the world is already going to end

Fire cleanses all.

I saw a glimpse of naked Asuka, bros

Did you stick an angel in your hand? If I find an angel in your hand, I'm taking you down.

>God is in his heaven, all is right with the world
pretentious Yea Forumsards
anyway, i'm installing a hidden camera in the girls' dressing room

Mops up orange juice all over floor.

Evangelion UN is a theocratic autocracy that gives even less of a shit about human rights than the IRL UN actually does.

Wait, didn't she die last week? I'm remember being asked to dispose of a bloody uniform and there a liver and some gut still inside it.

The pay is nice but I hardly know what this company's about. I rarely see other jannies and the sheer size of this place is hard for me to grasp. And what's with all these bottomless pits and shit?

Get the bakelite, hitoshi

tfw nerv raid was an inside job
see what one black boi janitor can do to death star III

Do they rape as many kids as the real UN?

>get lost while trying to get to the cafeteria
>lunch break is over for more than one hour now but I can't go back to work because I don't know where the fuck I am
>try to retrace my steps to at least get my gear in the janitor's room
>think I found the right door but end up into a huge room with a fucking crater and red lights
>feel too tired and defeated to keep going and sit on the metal floor
>orange slime on my pants
>fuck this I'm finding a new job if I ever can find the exit to this damn place
>suddenly feel a change in the atmosphere
>the air get's lighter and the room strangely brighter
>a young boy with silver hair come from up the whole eyes locked with mine
>feel a rush of warmth and overwhelming gratitude
>the weird boy holds his gaze on me long enough that I can admire how beautiful he is
>he smiles lightly at me and tells me "suki"
>suddenly I know where to go
>everything in my life makes sense
>I get up and walk straight away
>I find my way into the cafeteria in less then 2 minutes
>my lunch is on the first table to the door
>someone heated it in the microwave for me
T-thanks

kek, classic commander Ikari for ya.
You should have seen him just after his mam died. That guy loved carrying dead fetuses everywhere. Found one lost next to the bleach supply once.

You heard about those subpar wall tiles for the pribnow box? One of the contractors was my buddy. He gave me $20k worth of tiles for nothing lmao.

Why the fuck does the orange stuff smell like blood?

You're telling me, I came into work today and the entire god damn Central Dogma was splattered with that shit. Clothes lying around everywhere too. I probably just missed the craziest orgy of all time. Don't mind little old permavirgin wageslave me though, just going to clean up your disgusting spooge you fucking animals. God I'm so alone.

Shock factor. KyoAni would have loved them.

underrated post

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I drank some orange stuff and feel weird.

What's this Keeo Ani?
Is that I new sector I didn't hear about? Are they in need for any maintenance? I need extra hours to repair my kids room after the last city attack.

We keep them cheap for a reason, just happened again.

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>have been sucking Dr. Akari's cigarrete butts
it's not weird right?

It is. Matter of fact I tend the NERV bar on saturdays and that shit has been driving the crowd away.

Fuck off

they don't expect us to clean the whole geofront... right ?

That would be quite a hard feet to pull.

So, that Kaji dude. What's his deal? He drops watermelon seeds everywhere. Really fucking annoying. The other day Gendo's kid tripped on them while carrying his lunch. Shit was all over the floor. And that new redhead kid is annoying too. That dirt bag of a girl never wears shoe covers and I end up cleaning up all those footprints. Truly, you can't spell "German" without "germ"

>yfw you're on cleaning duty for the unfinished Rei clones
>again

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So I tried having a conversation with Shinji but of course, he decides to cower in fear the moment I begin to open my mouth. What the fuck did his dad do to the kid? I'm going to keep trying my best to talk to him.

For all of its terribleness, I've yet to see blood mushroomd sprouting out of anywhere here.

I come to these kinds of threads specifically to read posts like this.

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I accidentally spilled my Dr. Pepper on one of the Magi yesterday. You know damn straight I whistled my ass right on out of there and pretended it didn't happen. 10$ hourly isn't gonna afford me a billion dollar computer repair bill. Hell, there isn't even any fucking health benefits for working here. Not to mention the turnover rate. No wonder it feels like every time I come into work half of the staff is missing.

>one of the Magi
Please don't tell me you spilled it on Casper. Dr. Akagi would flip her shit if something about that part of the supercomputer is fucked with.

Who ever decided 50 ft tall escalators were a good idea?

I imagine it's because of how fucking huge the Eva units are.

>there's a giant crucified in the basement
is this the "nervgate" /pol/ keeps talking about?

just tell the thing go and be a real man lmao
works every time for me

A better question would be who thought 14 yo kids could pilot that shit?
Fucking NERV, man, I swear. This place feels like a kindergarten.

Oh, I saw that freaky thing too. The creepiest thing about it is that it still moves those tiny legs somehow. I call it Ted.

Don't forget mentally broken.

>drunk major katsuragi is trying to touch my dick
>again
por favor no señorita katsuragi tengo esposa

I like being paid for my hardwork

Too be fair we got 14 year Olds on that shit explicitly because normal dudes can pilot that mech cause director ikari is autistic and kept screeching when people tried too suggest methods to simply have a damn mech. Seriously i'm an engineer on this shit and you wouldn't believe how retarded our bosses are.

>user?
>Yes?
>How long have you been working here?
>Bout a week
>And you have access to Central Dogma, correct?
>Well yes, someone's gotta clean it. You got some weird shit down there. Like some big ol' dinosaur bones or something
>look, we know what you did.
>What??
>We opened the Custodial closet and 17 Rei Clones fell out
>THEY WERE DIRTY
>And we found 3 rei clones in the trunk of your car
>Carpooling!
>And 2 rei clones were propping up the Coffee table in the Area 7 break room
>They wobble Mrs. Akagi...How am I supposed to do my job?
>GET OUT
>FINE, I'LL GO
>*picks up suitcase with several legs sticking out*
>I hope you're happy!

Is this Yea Forumss version of boomer posting?

Wtf women.

>you wouldn't believe how retarded our bosses are.
Is there anyone else here who isn't objectively retarded? God damn it, this place feels like an asylum.

What board

I'm only still working here so I can stick my dick in the albino shota that's supposed to show up in a few weeks

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My team and I just got on the plane. We've got word that one of your subsidiaries contracted us for "security" reasons. You guys seem to really hate you jobs huh? How good are the coin-op machines out there? Can't wait to try one of those caloriemates my boss keeps talking about.

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