This guy shows up and offers you a free waifu, but warns you never to have sex with her. Do you take the deal?

How does he define sex?

Knowing the show, your waifu would tempt you into sex until you couldn’t resist. Then bam! Zombie waifu or your dick falls off or something.
Anything past first base.

I guess I have a type

No. A waifu I can't have sex with isn't my waifu.

how many of you dumb niggers have watched Chobits?

>a waifu
>not specified to be my waifu
I'd rather stay alone

>People thinking they can beat the salesman or cheat him out of a deal
Yeah, good luck with that. You may as well have a discussion about how you would beat Doraemon or Bugs Bunny.

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Salesman fucks you over no matter what you do. I'm not taking shit from him.

Why did this show flop so hard and why does no one bother to seed it? I watched a number of episodes of the original series and thought it was pretty good. Is it just because people prefer escapist content as opposed to content that makes them worry about their life choices?

depends on the definite of sex

No instead you cause the false vacuum state of the universe to collapse ending the fictional reality before anyone realizes it just ceases to be. You then remake the world sans sale man and get infinite waifus with no pre-conditions.

>no sex

Yeah, nah. Get outta here, not interested.

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Define sex.

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No way, buddy. I watched Cool World.

yes. having a woman around actually enables a lot of stuff irl.

The problem is that he fucks you up even if you refuse the deal.

Yes.

Define sex. I don't want to gen DON'ed because I got a boner and her hand accidentally brushed against my pants.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, not a sucker for verbal-based contracts. Put that on paper, salesmen. State the legal definition of "waifu" and "sex", then determine the terms and conditions.

Hell no.
What is even the fucking point?

Just disable the switch or rewire it.

What counts "having sex"? If it's just penis in vagina intercourse, then we can just stick to oral or mutual masturbation.

Define sex.

Bugs Bunny was fucking broken by a baby penguin

As long as she loves me and everything else from marriage to growing old and partaking of any other forms of affection aren't out of the table, sure.

question, how far does not having sex with "her" stretch? If we, say, went down on a cute shota together and gave him a double blowjob and our mouths touched with his pp inbetween and also we cumswapped his delicious little load, that doesn't count right? Only technically kissing which is fine I assume.

What if I put my dick in the shota and use him like a strapon? Can I indirectly fuck my waifu?

Lots of uncovered ground here, I'd hope he clarifies for me when I ask.

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Your love is weak.

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>say yes, intending to never have sex
>waifu shows up and unconditionally loves me
>grows increasingly addled with lust every passing day
>after a week, breaks into my sleep and rapes me
>DOOOOOON
Yeah, fuck that

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that would definitely be the hardest part, trying to explain to her why it can't cross that line
and resisting in general when your bodies are close together and she's kissing and caressing you and vice versa

>Why did this show flop so hard and why does no one bother to seed it?

because it kinda sucks? it combines the tedious morality-play aspects of stuff like The Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypt with absolutely none of their imagination or gristly flair.

Would you a Moguro, Yea Forums?

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>a free waifu
That's not how "waifu" works.

how isn't it? waifu = girl I would marry

Sex is boring once you've had it enough times. It becomes a means to an end.

But a girl who loves and supports you, that's worth its weight in gold.

Using your words, it would the girl you would marry. (The keyword being "the.") She's just not just any girl, user.

good luck explaining that to these thirsty virgins

so she is not a girl you would marry? she is "the" girl". Pedantry, it means the same. An offer of a waifu would intrinsically have to be your waifu, because if you wouldn't marry anyone else, who else would he give you? The contract wouldn't be fulfilled and you could fuck your new girlfriend without even getting engaged.

user, the phrase in the OP is this: "This guy shows up and offers you a free waifu." The implication is that it could be any girl--most likely one you find attractive. A "waifu" is one you devote yourself too; someone you cherish and love. In this scenario, the girl our friendly salesman bestows upon you could be your "waifu," but this isn't necessarily the case.

this disturbes me

Can she still sit on my face?

Well if you've resolved to only marry your waifu he literally can't offer you anyone else.

Then it wouldn't be phrased as "a waifu" but as "your waifu."

i still think it's pedantry, if it's not your waifu he didn't hold up his end of the deal because a waifu necessarily has to be your waifu.

Alright, i chose her as my waifu.

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Even if I should want to keep my side of the deal, you'll need to help me deal with her. She canonically wants it after all.

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"[A] waifu," once again, implies that one may have any quantity of them. This is not the case. So what I take issue with is that the article "a" is not compatible with "waifu" in this context.

Sure, it's better than nothing.
And I know better than to break his deals.

>"[A] waifu," once again, implies that one may have any quantity of them. This is not the case. So what I take issue with is that the article "a" is not compatible with "waifu" in this context.
He could easily have multiple indistinguishable copies of your waifu. Why can't he?

Ok, but only if she's ok with polygamy and can do house chores.

Waifu is also a philosophical construct.

Because they tried to make an anime for sixty year olds

>you'll need to help me deal with her. She canonically wants it after all.
user are you asking the fat salesman to cuck you?

But only from me. She can't stand anyone else.

can i at least tend to her needs with a toy
im okay not getting any but she is a lewd girl and won't be happy if she has to do it herself all the time.

>user are you asking the fat salesman to cuck you?
>not cucking the waifu for the salesman instead

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So I have to pick a waifu that can synthesize a child without sex? Jibril from NGNL has already offered that service before so she's a good choice.

Not him but the salesman is clearly using this to make you doubt. People like him tend to use lines with double meanings a lot. That's why it's up to you to iron things out with him and make sure you don't get conned.

ask to get an overpowered reality warping waifu and ask her to erase this ugly fattie from the universe, then we hold hands and have sex later.

your turn, fattie

Yes of course. As long as this isn’t a monkeys paw and she actually hates me. If I get a waifu who loves me I don’t even care about sex. Just being able to talk to someone, have them encourage me, critique my failings and help me be better, and be there with me. Shit even if she hates me just having someone around would be nice.

You aren’t having sex with your waifu as is incel

>her
No thanks

This is quite easily remedied by never putting yourself in that position. Make it clear you cannot into sex with her and just enjoy the time together in the platonic ideal. And then find a cute trap for you to both fuck.

What if I chose him as my waifu?

Eh, probably not. If I get a waifu, I want to do anything I want to, with only limits being her consent, common sense and uncontrollable cirquimstances of the world we live in.

Nice

>a free waifu
No.

Forgot the pic

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Wasn't the whole point of the salesman that you lose no matter what? You are probably doomed from the moment you meet him.

>I've had so much pussy shit is literally boring
Sounds like you are the virgin here.
Found the roastie.

this
virgin falseflagger

I will try to punch him.

What if you try to punch him?

my advice is don't have sex. your ideal of it is will be ruined if you really try it.

>As long as this isn’t a monkeys paw
Watch an episode of Warau Salesman, he WILL fuck you over.

He DON's you. Happened to the barkeeper who wanted to scam one of Moguro's customers and threatened to hit him for interfering.

what counts as sex in this case

Just refuse to get a deal. Punching isn't needed.

He still fucks you over. You're doomed from the moment he decides to make you an offer, your only hope is that the punishment will be relatively harmless like social stigma or being fired from your dream job.

We have a patrician right fucking here boys.

But I already have a lot of waifus

Or being gay.

If I actually saw the salesman I would scream and run, this fag is worse than a monkey's paw. Your life is basically over if you take his deal.

Warau Salesman NEW is fucking garbage. It's just the same shit over and over and the last few episodes are so incredibly rushed writing-wise they don't make sense half the time.

The salesman will only offer you a deal when he knows that you'll fuck it up. If he offers me this then my life is over.

but you will at least get to talk to, make eye contact with, hold hands with, hug, and make out passionately with your waifu before that happens

I will call Dean and Sam Winchesters and find this road demon.

All you need is a waifu who can abuse cartoon physics better than this fat bastard can. Then she can kick his ass.

Mai waifu doesn't have genitals in canon so I don't see how this is a problem.

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>"a" waifu
I only have one, and that's my husbando.

But also this. It would get frustrating, but we'd survive. Maybe.

No. I don't let the little man magically grant my wishes. I learned my lesson from the monkey's paw.

You're on the right track. NEW was hardly experimental with its victims of the week, still sticking with salarymen almost all the time. It was a stupid move imo, because there's potential stories to be told relating to this era, using more students/NEETs/shut-ins. Also the 10-minute format the '89 series had worked far better. You don't want to drag this out into suffering porn - it's better as short doses of
schadenfreude.

>but warns you never to have sex with her.
Define sex. Is he a retard who doesn't think oral sex is sex? Is sex penetration only? What about handjobs, hotdogging and dry humping?

Sure, why not. Is the catch that she's super horny and is always trying to cook up convoluted schemes to have sex with you? Because that sounds like the perfect concept for a classic anime sitcom.

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Faggot.

Congrats, child protection services separate you and your wife after you both get registered for child molestation. Salesman never lets his clients come out happy.

He most certainly is not, but you are if you think he won't count any form of sexual contact.

My waifu is Arale-chan, so the fatman is fucked.

>child protection services separate you and your wife
can they even do that? like, i didn't know restraining orders could be put in place by a third party.

But his deals are fucking rigged. The punchline is supposed to go
>hey, you forgot about [some major or minor stipulation from the deal at the begging of the episode]
not
>hey, you forgot about [some major bullshit that I never even mentioned but which you should have been able to infer for some reason]
Say I got my waifu, the fat satan would have my balls for strapping her to a fucking machine and masturbating at the taped down switch, or maybe I would go to the doctor and have her inseminated with my sperm or even the sperm of another, fat satan would probably still find a reason this was a violation, or I'd draw pictures of my waifu and me giving her fuck and upload them to an eskimo bridal canoe-carving board on the internet -- this imp would still report my balls to the feds.

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You’re going to get an STD bro.

Wasn't there only one dude that escaped? It was the one from the four-minute pilot episode.

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you can never have a family with her and the capacity of expressing your love will be limited not because of anything physical, but the terms and conditions of your contract, which could be frustrating to her.

Or alternatively, she rapes you, which counts as intercourse and you get DON'd.

Laughing Salesman was made to satirize contemporary Japan and it's unhealthy desire to succeed and cut deals. Moguro targets salarymen because they're more likely to cut deals with him in exchange for power.

Moguro can't get anything out of NEETs/Shut Ins because they're content with their lifestyle. Salarymen always want more. His targets tend to people who want to take shortcuts to get ahead in life, or a part of Modern Japan.

where do I find the manga? I can't find anything in the common sources, only the anime

They get fucked when its themselves who start shit

I don't get it, what did he do here?

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This show was a little fucked up at times.

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