What am I in for?

some horror slasher that isn't completely shit but 5.5/10
If you like the 70s style, maybe 6/10

a homage to 70s exploitation horror inside a competent but not groundbreaking slasher film.
the director's other horror films - the house of the devil & the innkeepers - did a better job at paying homage and being scary in my opinion.

BBC cuckoldry. What the fuck did you expect in 2022?

the killers are so fucking slow it makes any of the scenes with them in it way too fucking slow and the kill scenes unmemorable

I didn't mind the bbc faggotry, it was part of the fucking plot and took jabs at it, you brainmelted rageoids.
the movie was overall anticlimatic garbage with a shit "tweest". also their biggest mistake was to hire a young actress to play an old, shriveled cunt. it completely took you out of the movie. how fucking hard was it to cast some old granny for...a fucking granny role? it's not like that bitch had to do crazy stunts or be physical throughout the movie.
skippable shit/10.

a modern slasher, it's above average for today's standard but that's about it, nothing special

It was by far the most entertaining movie I've seen in recent years.
It might be an objective 6/10 but as far as horror movies go it's an 8/10.

Because it just came out, dumbass

there's terror flicks being released every month. the question is what makes this one special to get Yea Forums's attention?

it's not a cape movie.

Established director's first movie in a while, A24 horror, girl from Pitch Perfect gets naked

Pro-cuckoldry, disappointing tits and boring kills

Ti West is always a solid bet, he can't make kino but he always makes passably entertaining flicks. Valley of Violence is his best

a bunch of women fucking a black guy and everyone gets killed by an elderly couple, except maingirl

here, saved you almost 2 hours

pozz from the first minute

Nigger porn. Just watch the new Texas Chainsaw instead.

Jenny Ortega not showing her tits

>don't watch this pozz, watch the other pozz

It could've been much better if they showed the kills. RJ was the only one that was a bit graphic.
>wayne got pitchfork'd and the only gore you can see is his eye popped out in the dark when the granny is burying him
>kid cudi literally dies offscreen
>you barely see the cool gator eating snow
>ortega died in the dark, at least you can see her mangled face for half a second
old lady death was good gore

>I didn't mind the bbc faggotry

Neither does your mom

This, the neck stabbing was my favorite part. Honestly though, they should have been more graphic with the sex. Would have had a much more disgusting effect which would have improved the movie. Cringed when the last line was like “this is some fucked up horror picture” like dude it really wasn’t that disturbing at all lol

>Decent TCM clone
>About 30% of the way through there's a subplot where the director's girlfriend gets fucked by another man and everyone but him supports it
>He immediately dies violently and then the rest of the movie is a pretty decent slasher
What did director Ti West mean by this?

It features a black guy with a literal foot and a half long dick who fucks every single cute girl in the movie and cucks a white boy right in front of him which makes him go crazy, so Yea Forums just can't stop thinking about it

Not scary. No tension. No mystery or intrigue.
Horror movies are a form of pop moralising and this movie didn't know what it was.
What was the message? Regret bad? Porn bad? Christianity bad? Hedonism good?

The message was getting old really sucks, so you should fuck a lot of people before you're too old to fuck anyone.

>it's not a cape movie.
A24 is basically "real movies" for the cape audience

But all that sinful hedonism led to their demise, plus the interspersed televangelist sermons and crucifix necklaces were meant to say something about society but the director didn't seem to know what.

The sermon was just "wypipo spooky" kind of shit to explain why the old people were spazzing so hard.

White boy crying as a black guy fucks his white girlfriend

Just watch A Serbian Film instead.

The new Texas chainsaw is schlock-kino

Nothing made them come off as religious, various scenes in it and the Pearl prequel make them look more like "off the beaten track" types who have done shady stuff in the past. If it were "old time spooky" they could have used some old secular "family values" tv show type stuff. The sense of 'justice' as found in horror movies was very muddled in this one. Anyway I probably won't watch it again.

Is it actually mentioned that his dick is a foot and a half long? Lmao so it's a literal cuck fantasy film

>Mfw Yea Forums is only hating this movie because of ir sex scenes

Attached: 1566590445492.gif (200x150, 833.33K)

>Implying that's not a valid reason

Worst recommendation ive seen on here in a long time

There's a scene where he's standing in a doorway at night, naked, so you just see his silhouette and his teeth, and then he kinda shifts and you see his massive dick swing. It got a laugh in the theater and my gf said "haha oh wow" which infuriated me.

>my gf said "haha oh wow" which infuriated me.

Attached: 32f.jpg (251x242, 10.29K)

Um, no sweatie. Clearly you didn’t it

Cvck shed the movie. That no eyebrows bitch that dated ole Honeyboy or whatever that fags name is really pisses me off.

Finally get to see Brittany Snow’s tits apparently, I didn’t know anything else about it until this thread

Who the fuck is Brittany Snow that this is considered a big deal?

>why so many threads about this movie?
good quality torrent dropped. That's always the case.

that's literally a grandma's reason for killing them lmao

an hour of boredom

A pretty decent slasher with a little bit of cuckoldry and old people sex.

mediocre slasher movie with slightly cool 70s aesthetic

How many of the cast actually dies in this? Is this one of those chickenshit slashers where only side characters die while the main cast comes out relatively unscathed?

>Nerdy white boy doesn't want his GF to do the porn with BBC bull
>She says she wants to
>Next scene is her bending over to suck his dick wearing just her white panties
White boys stay KEKED.

Attached: 30227014_10210913512211546_1456814462550933504_n.jpg (1920x1280, 194.5K)

I thought it was a pretty and entertaining film. Dunno why it got such high critical acclaim. Maybe some film school shit that went over my head.

>my gf said "haha oh wow" which infuriated me.
the seed has been planted

Attached: gigachad.jpg (1080x1021, 334.61K)

Let's see then

Nevermind, just looked it up. Wasn't impressed.

>white bf who doesn't his gf to be in a degenerate porno gets the most brutal death
>black guy who gets to fuck all the white girls in the movie gets the fastest and quickest death
Wdtmbt?

Ti West shitting his pants instead of making something interesting. Again.

Lots of cucking. All the actresses get blacked too and I thought those scenes were pretty hot. Shame that Ortega didn't do full frontal