Theater Experiences

Post em, I got some booze and I wanna laugh

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I was went to see a nostalgic re-screening of Blade Runner, but the film quality was very poor and the film literally snapped halfway thru the movie. There was 15 minutes of confusion before they got it fixed.

Also, the part where Roy says fucker/father was subtitled "the wrong way".

>Oooh, a new human to latch onto and go home with!

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I was witness to a three person popcorn fight between a trio of 8 or 9 year old boys right before Revenge of the Sith shouting 'force lightning phssssh'.

Peter Rabbit in theaters and some little kid kept repeating all the funny dialogues

>he doesnt burn his clothes every times

>2005, at the theater seeing King Kong
>get up to go to the bathroom
>when I enter the bathroom I hear somebody saying in a retarded voice "I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE MOVIE! I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE MOVIE"
>once fully in the restroom I see 2 adult retards and 1 normal adult.
>one of the adult retards has shit his pants, and he is the one saying "I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE MOVIE!", while the other retard is just standing there silently watching
>the normal adult is their chaperone, he is trying to figure out and manage this situation. He grabs the retad by the arm and turns him around to inspect how bad his pants are. He see's they are totally covered in poop and looks totally exasperated and panicked.
>I pee and leave
>the entire minute I was in the bathroom, the retard who sit is pants just just saying "I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE MOVIE!"

I feel bad for the chaperone guy. He probably did some volunteer thing, thinking it would be nice, and ended up with a huge mess to deal with

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>Go see The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D around Halloween
>Literally only one in the theater
>Felt like my own personal screening

>Beerfest opening night
>Only like 15 people there
>The second the movie starts 3 beer cans pop open
>Buddy says "Hey pass me one of those!"
>Everyone busts out laughing
>No one talked the entire movie

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From Tard Wrangler to Turd in Wranglers.

>Literally only one in the theater
This is pretty rare. I've even heard of stories that they wouldn't play a movie, if "too few" people turn up. But that has never happened to me. Once I even was the only person.

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Man it was awesome. I had just closed the coffee shop I was working at and it was like 930 at night so I was really surprised they didn't shut it down. I would have been bummed if they did but also I would have understood. It was the smaller theater in town so I guess they just didn't want the bad publicity? Maybe they knew me and since I was real nice to all the theater people they let me stay? I dunno but either way it was hands down the best theater experience I ever had.

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>set up Tinder date at theater
>meet the girl, she's cute
>take her to the concessions
>tell her we're going to sit and have a soda for 15 minutes. if it goes well, we'll both consent to the date and go watch the movie
>have coke, she's on her phone a lot
>finish cokes, i ask if she's OK to continue the date
>she says yes, we go to get snacks for the movie
>I order a hot dog for me and popcorn for her
>she says it's corny for the man to order for the woman without even asking her what she wants
>I ignore her (passing her shit-test)
>it gets awkwardly quiet, so I ask about her family, she says she has a little sister
>ask her some questions about her little sister just to make conversation, she says it's weird that I'm asking about her 15 year old sister
>i didn't know she was 15 but whatever
>we watch the movie and she was quiet and staring blankly the whole time
>movie ends
>walk out of the theater, we both go to the bathroom
>come back and she's gone, some employee is there waiting for me
>he says she asked him to talk to me
>she wanted to leave but did not feel safe
>she asked him to delay me for 20 minutes while she leaves
>he sits me down at a table and makes me wait "while I calm down"
>makes me drink a massive cup of pepsi
>afterwards he says "next time this happens, you're banned"
we live in peak clown world. can't even talk to women anymore. fuck this gay earth

>see the new scream with fwb
>we get there a few minutes early
>suddenly some fuck walks in with a girl
>of fucking course they do
Cockblocked out of a bj

She sounds like a cunt, you should've raped her sister

>all the customers clean up after themselves
>now the kinoplex needs less wagies
>gets fired

Well you set this up in a weird fucking way. What's with the weird pre-date thing? Just have the date normally and go see the movie

>go to movies in middle school
>me and a bro are talking shit about some girl we came with
>suddenly in walks a midget
>a retard midget
>he walks like Cotton Hill to the stall
>starts having diarrhea while openly sobbing. It sounds like niagra falls
>we somehow manage to leave the bathroom before we die laughing
A treasured memory

>want to see a movie
>go to the website and choose one
>buy the tickets (I'm going with my brother)
>we get to the theater
>go inside
>show tickets to the wagie
>find our seats
>watch the movie
it was a wild night

>Seeing the latest Scream flick with the missus on a Tuesday evening
>There's maybe a dozen people in the theater, all quite spread out
>About three minutes during the classic Scream tense cold open some guy in the back row let's out a GUTTURAL YELL, disturbed, demonic
>Wife and I look at each other, back towards the source, but it's too dark to see who it was.
>Everyone in the theater looked back, spooked
>No one leaves or says anything
>Watch a mediocre legacy slasher assuming someone is going to shoot up the theater for the rest of the film

Who were you, Scream screamer? Why did you do it?

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>Saw infinity war with friends
>not enough seats
>Sit by myself
>Met George
>Cool guy

>Me and four friends saw Möbius in a theatre alone

>go to see Endgame with my gf and annoying little bro (they both wanted to see it)
>during the previews, he notices a wagie cleaning up a spilled drink
>says that all workers are exploited by capitalism
>gf asks what he means
>he says humiliating labor for meager pay is the same as slavery
>tell him to stfu
>watch movie (it sucked)
>get McD's afterwards
>he says fast food is the biggest enslaver of mankind
>ask him how his McChicken is
>he says "good, nazi"
>get into a big argument with him
>gf was quiet
>next day she breaks up with me because my little bro DMed her and told her I was a nazi
> told her about the stuff I say when trying to redpill him (JQ, women, minorities, trannies, etc)
>she said she can't date a hateful bigot
>1 week later, my bro can't stop smirking when I see him
>ask what's up, he says "you'll see"
>get text from ex gf giving me a heads up that my lil bro asked her out the other day and they fucked
>he deliberately starts bringing her around the house
>have to hide in my room the whole 3 months they were dating and she came around
eventually she broke up with him so the nightmare ended. worst theater experience of my life

The first time I saw Pirates of the Caribbean the sound died right at the start of the moonlight on deck scene when Elizabeth sees them all as skeletons. Two guys in the back of the theater improvised voices for her and Barbossa while he was chasing her. The theater allowed this to go on for the entire scene before restarting in another room.

I’ve been sat on twice.

>watch endgame with bro
>im wasted just chuckleing and the bright flashing pictures like a bemused child
>place is packed midnight screening all the seats full
>it goes quiet and all the girls show up
>i start laughing my ass of at how hamfisted and rediculous it all is
>some guy audibly yells ohh come on!
>i say sorry man he replies with not you the film
>gasps from a pact theatre

mfw not sure if i ruined the ending for entire theatre or red-pilled them on marvel cringe
later that evening Yea Forums full of audience reactions of people going wild at that part kek not in my screening

Oh yeah
>Saw Cap Marvel
>Wake one night, different friend group
>Let’s see it again, user
>Fall asleep most of the way through

There’s a small theater I go to where I have been the only person three times in a row now. Maybe it helps I was seeing Batman, X, and Ambulance but it’s so good.

Didn’t happen but, fight your brother and beat him

>See The Raid alone in an empty theater
>boomer couple walks in late
>5 minutes later they leave
>complaining about subtitles on the way out

Do people literally not look up a movie they’re about to see?

>I’ve been sat on twice.
do americans really?

>worked at movie theater for 10 months on minimum wage ($7.25 USD)
>had to clean up vomit and semen off the seats
>had to fish three turds out of the urinals on three separate occasions
>had to clean up blood after some guy beat the fuck out of another guy during The Lion King
>caught two managers having gay sex behind the concessions stand
>alcoholic manager spilled his beer in the office and made me clean it up while he played solitaire
>witnessed a man beat his girlfriend right in front of me over a disagreement about what size popcorn to get
>had to work until 3AM when some fat Mexican guy during a midnight showing of one of those shitty Conjuring movies had a heart attack
>got yelled at numerous time by customers, including a butch lesbian couple and a very manly tranny
>had to clean up two massive piles of diarrhea during Endgame opening week, 95% of which was outside the toilet
>witnessed two fat Mexican women fight a tranny after they saw his penis in the women's restroom
>had to come in on my day off when another employee overdosed on Xanax
>had to clock out for my 30 minute break
>jacket got stolen a black guy who got fired for showing up drunk
I should've just worked at fucking McDonald's.

Boomers (and prior) are used to sneaking in, getting to watch a few short films beforehand, getting a intermission with proper snacks and better ice cream. With only a few foreign films, it’s a recent thing.

Oh this actually just happened this week.

>Go to see Everywhere All At Once or whatever the hell it's called with wife and another couple
>Slammed a few beers before the show, we head to the bathroom first
>Some early 20s girl is walking out of the ladies room
>Without warning she falls to the ground like sack of bricks
>She's breathing, but eyes closed, non responsive, doesn't know her name, the year anything
>Assume she mixed Xanax and booze or something
>Theater employees are useless, give us a bottle of water and scatter to leave us with this fucked up chick
>I go to the bathroom
>By the time I come back the girl is sitting up drinking water, surprisingly lucid
>She said she was sober and nothingnlike that has ever happened to her before.
>Wife leaves to go pee, I stand like a sperg with this girl as she stares at her phone
>Only thing I can manage to say is "one time when I was on acid I saw a guy have a seizure at a train station and had to call the cops"
>She tries to smile but can't
>Go wait for my wife by the concession stands

I think I just witnessed the first incident of a serious medical condition that will likely destroy that girls life. Movie was good

Theaters are basically 2 hour sleepaway camps.

>go to see some movie by myself i can't remember what it was
>20 min walked to the theatre it was cold as shit
>hungry kind of in a bad mood just wanna chill watch kino
>theatre fills up completely
>everything annoying me for some reason
>person sits next to me and can't stop sniffling and sneezing
>just get up and walk out dont even bother to ask for a refund
>walk home in the cold

another satisfied vaccine customer

It was really bright in the theater lobby so people’s eyes hadn’t adjusted

At least once or twice I've laughed loudly at something in a movie theater that wasn't intended as npc humour (bad effects or some shit), so no one else was laughing, just me

living in a third world cuntry sometimes i see myself laughing at jokes that many dont get sometimes

>>Only thing I can manage to say is "one time when I was on acid I saw a guy have a seizure at a train station and had to call the cops"
>>She tries to smile but can't
She was cringing at your autist story.

>She tries to smile but can't
Isn’t that an unironic sign of a stroke?

That's hilarious. Probably improved the movie.

I think this user is closer, she was trying but unable to be polite at my absolutely futile attempt to lighten the mood, she was visibly disturbed and I didnt know what to say, my wife did all the talking to her, and besides, I had to hurry to catch the latest zany A24 kino so I couldn't sit around to figure it out.

I must have been 9. It was the funniest thing I had ever experienced at that point and probably still is. Clearly I still think about it.

>Pirates of the Caribbean
>restarting in another room
Weird. When I went to see one of the Pirates movies we all sat in the dark for like 5min past when the movie should have started. Someone went out to ask what was going on. Turns out they were playing it in the wrong room and we all had to move over to there.

>t was the funniest thing I had ever experienced at that point and probably still is

I sure hope you're only in your 20s..

>Curse of the Black Pearl
>showings are cursed

Let this be a lesson to you and anyone else reading this, getting paid minimum wage means you steal anything that isn’t nailed down. I stole 10 boxes of Monopoly cups from McDonald’s and ate for free for the next 5 years. Minimum wage is a license to steal. Movie theaters are good because there’s a brisk aftermarket for movie posters.

Yeah something like that. I have a pretty boring life.

At least you're not stupid like me. I mean, you already told me you were 9 when you saw a movie that came out about ten years ago, so yeah, you're talking to a real rocket doctor here.

It was 2001 wasn’t it? I’m wizard years old now.

every time

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2003 (just checked)

I'm shipping off to the military the next day, so suddenly I just get this feeling of melancholy, like my life is ending. I go online and just start talking to random girls, I just feel so lonely. I find this one, and immediately ask if she wants to go out or something, she says yes. I pick her up, she's attractive, blonde, but kinda trashy, looks like she may have been an addict at some, but I don't care. I take to her to a steakhouse and I buy her a huge meal, I barely eat. I kind of don't like her, but I dont want to be alone, so I ask if she wants to see a movie or something. We drive through this totally deserted mall parking lot, at night. There's two feet of snow everywhere, and it's below zero, everybody is at home, nobody in their right mind wants to go out. We go to the theater, there's not any lights on inside, but the marquee is all lit up. I knock on the door, and a guy in a uniform comes by and says, "Hey, we don't keep any money around!" I tell him we just want to see a movie. He looks really surprised, and opens the door. "Really...?" He asks.

We start looking at the signs, studying the show times, and he looks at us weirdly. "Hey uh, it's just you guys here," he says. "So...I'll just play whatever you want, whenever you want."

The girl wants popcorn, he looks concerned. "Oh, well, i haven't had the machine fired up all day, that might take a while," he says, but she insists, he shrugs and says fine. While we're waiting for that, we just wander around this giant, like 20 screen, totally empty movie theater. She kisses me at one point, I'm not crazy about it, i think she's just feeling sorry for me because she can tell I'm kind of depressed.

We get the popcorn and get into the theater, the guy is talking to us from the projector booth, saying sorry it's so cold, the heat hasn't been on all day. She wraps herself around me, and we basically snuggle and watch About Schmidt in a freezing, empty movie theater.

Anyhow, take heart, young man. I'm in my mid 40s and I've literally seen monsters (sorry, they exist, but some are nice) and let me tell you, seeing that shit and then dealing with regular day to day stuff will make you laugh Haaaaaaaard.
So pay attention and live more and you'll have plenty of reasons to laugh like the madman you think I am.

>I knock on the door, and a guy in a uniform comes by and says, "Hey, we don't keep any money around!"
lel kek jej

Is this really that bad? It’s like a minute of pickup and a little sweeping.


format your novel user use green text it took me just over a minute to read this in green text with the exact same ammount of text it would save 15secconds maybe

>im aware of the irony of me asking for usefull formating when i use 0 grammer kek

>I knock on the door, and a guy in a uniform comes by and says, "Hey, we don't keep any money around!"
Just how Mexican are you?

You're not very nice and I think you're not the same user I was talking to anyway. You must have brain damage to dislike anything I said that badly.

>be 14
>seeing Avatar in theatres with 3 friends
>holding a large drink
>it's a packed house
>we see a few empty seats in the middle
>shuffling down the isle
>the cunts sitting down the isle aren't pulling their feet and legs in so it's like an obstacle course
>I trip over someone's leg
>fall down in front of the theatre
>dump my entire soda onto some fat 12 year olds lap
>apologize to him
>his mom glares at me with daggers in her eyes
>He's such a little beta he starts apologizing to me and saying "n-no it's okay!"
>my friends are all laughing at me
>I don't want to sit in these empty seats because we'd be sitting right beside the kid and his mom
>we move to the very front row
>the kid didn't get up or anything, he just sat there with a wet sticky lap

I had these and I became forever traumatized. It takes like months to be confirmed rid of them

>Go to see Everywhere All At Once or whatever the hell it's called with wife
how are you old enough to have a wife but not old enough to handle a basic medical emergency?

>>she says it's corny for the man to order for the woman without even asking her what she wants
>>I ignore her (passing her shit-test)
She's right about this part though. Not corny but weird. Going to the movies for a first date is weird too. That's most of the date sitting in the dark in silence.
>ask her some questions about her little sister just to make conversation
Another strike for you. I know you didn't know her age but in a 15min first date sit down and you're asking a bunch of questions about a sibling would weird a lot of people out. Both of you seem kind of odd based on this story.

But he’s right. Go be old somewhere else.

the popcorn on the ground is a pain in the ass. But everything else is just: carry a bag around and toss it in. Simple as.

She's very into me, but I don't really care. We watch the entire movie, and the ending really hits me, but i'm not sure why. We get up and leave, and I'm shaking my head, saying "I don't get it." she explains that she thinks he started crying because he thought he finally made a difference in life. I don't say anything, but i think the point is the exact opposite of that.

As we're leaving, the movie theater guy comes up again. "You're...leaving?" he asks. "yeah, why?" i ask. "Oh, i dunno, just thought you'd stay" he said. "People like you, well, they usually stay all night."

"All night?" I ask. "Yeah, we officially close at midnight, but I'm the night watchman too, so, i don't really care, i have to be here all night."

The chick seems intrigued by this. "We got to get going!" I say, because I'm honestly not feeling her anymore. She seems upset and says she needs to go to the bathroom, disappears.

I ask again if people really stay all night, He just shrugs and says "Yeah, you know, couples, they maybe got no place else to go, it's a nice place to stay."

I insist we leave when she gets back, she doesn't talk to me again for the rest of the night, even when I drop her off.

I don't know why, but that was one of the saddest experiences of my life.

I used to work for a company that came in after the last showings in a local theater and did a quick clean up job every night. You would not fucking believe how many purses, wallets, phones, money clips, loose cash, I would find in a given night. It boggles the mind. I pocketed every valuable thing I found other than credit cards and cell phones and either tossed what was left in the garbage or gave it to my supervisor. On top of that, Coca Cola was running one of those promotions where their products had codes you could redeem for points which you could use to purchase shit on their website. Well, all the large or bigger cup sizes in concessions had peel off things worth ten points each and I'd go home every morning with thousands of points which I then used to buy shit like Nintendo Wiis which I'd pawn or otherwise resell. At some point Coke put a limit on the number of points you could redeem in a day, though and it became too much of a hassle to bother with.