>Be me >6th Grade >find parent's porn stash >Don't jack off to it. >cut all the mags up >go around school showing friends >they start placing requests for porn >"can i have big booty black women tomorrow?" >"got any redheads?" >become the go to guy for porn mags >parents too embarrassed or completely forget to ask about porn or why its all cut up >friends begin asking if i want any money for the porn >"no just take it" >during a locker inspection some guy gets caught with 10 pages in his locker >tells the superintendent who he got it from >"Chase gave them to me. He's been selling this to everyone" >Chase has at least 8 dollars worth of quarters in his locker >he'd been selling the stuff i gave away for free >Chase gets expelled >students with porn get suspended >I get away Scott free >nothing could be traced back to me NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWER CLOCKS TICKIN SO JUST COUNT THE HOURS
>First hour of my first day of new job >look my female supervisor in the eye, fart loudly and walk away
Lincoln Cook
but is that really why
Christian Carter
>Society wants me, a healthy middle class man in his late 20s, to get a full time job, get married and raise a family >Rather than do all that I instead work 15 hours a week and spend most of my time sleeping or playing video games, never socialising or even moving out of my parents place SO LOST IN THESE DIAMONDS SO LOST IN THIS PARADISE
Adrian Richardson
Yesterday someone posted about living in an obscure country and someone asked them which one so I decided to reply "Taured" as a joke but I fucked up and said "Andorra" instead and people stared replying them me in whatever language they speak in Andorra.
Kevin Howard
I don’t have any friends And the ones I had in high school were shit
Chase King
sounds more like society stuck it to you, and not the other way around, fren
Luke Bell
I farted in front of a group of people at like 7 am after getting 3 hours of sleep and I didn’t know how to react so I said “who was that” to try to play it off as a joke, but I was nervous so said it super monotone and it sounded like I was actually trying to shift blame off myself and it just made it worse so I walked away very awkwardly. I used to wince at the memory but now I can almost laugh at it years later so the psychological wound seems to have finally healed
Jack Long
>taking a shit >call friend >asks whats wrong >tell them I'm pooping >dude its two in the morning what the fu- >hang up I LOOK INSIDE MYSELF AND SEE MY HEART IS BLACK
Hunter Brooks
Jeez, I mean he was probably just joking in the first place. Society probably hasn’t been ultra kind to anyone who goes on here lol
Jason Jackson
>Highschool teacher talks about morality in a philosophical discussion >Jokingly point out that morality is subjective >See onions rage in his balding face >Asks me if rape is ever ok >Point out that rape only exists as a subjective concept with intelligent beings that ponder about forceful reproduction >Ask him if trees releasing pollen to inseminate others >Ask him if ducks pinning eachother to the ground is rape >Point out that our morality is ultimately a set of behaviors and beliefs that were conducive to reproduction and were therefore promoted and became instilled in our species >Explain that it implies that an intelligent race could evolve from eusocial insects that found forceful insemination conducive to reproduction and is therefore seen as moral >Prove that objective morality doesn’t exist by the contradiction of species’s inherent moralities >Shoot him in the face >Fuck the 6’9” redhead and slap her for shaving her pubes and not letting a beautiful strawberry fields grow >Shit on his desk >Principle immediately graduates me and offers me his job >Punch the principal for even suggesting that I’d want a lowly position as a special ed teacher
>>Highschool teacher talks about morality in a philosophical discussion >>Jokingly point out that morality is subjective >>See onions rage in his balding face >>Asks me if rape is ever ok >>Point out that rape only exists as a subjective concept with intelligent beings that ponder about forceful reproduction >>He rapes me
Liam Jones
I know. I was joking too but I have autism so.
Oliver Martin
>phone says it only has 15% power left and need to turn on power saving mode >I don't >it runs out of power and my friends and family are unable to contact me until I get home and charge it
Forgive me...I am not well
Angel Myers
kek
Leo Wright
Iol my friend craig does this
Carson Morales
>be me >lose a friend in a preventable fire >trigger the largest wave of fire code enforcement in the history of the United States National Fire Protection Association that resulted in millions of dollars in fines, hundreds or evictions in the dead of winter, multiple parallel criminal investigations including 2 drug production rings and a human trafficking operation because I was bored and angry and it was funny.
>Point out the absurdity of rape by shouting “I consent” >Clench my butthole >Cut his dick off like hedgeclippers >Ass sucks his decapitated cock up through my GI tract >Spit it out at him at escape velocity >Only his legs remain as he creates a cloud of red mist
Angel Jackson
Not reading any of your shitty made up stories schizos
>masturbate >ask Jesus for forgiveness the next day >masturbate >ask for forgiveness >masturbate BUT IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT MINE AND IT WAS YOUR HEART ON THE LINE I REALLY *censored* IT UP THIS TIME DIDN'T I MY DEAR?
>5th grade >Fucking around with friends >Tell joke >One friend laughs, the other doesn’t get it >Wants to know why it’s funny >Don’t want to tell him because I think it’s funnier that he doesn’t know >Keep telling the joke to other friend and laughing >Friend gets increasingly demanding >We laugh ourselves silly at this retarded joke >Other friend finally has enough >Grabs me by the collar >”TELL ME” >Laugh harder
Jaxson Smith
>be me >be in theatre watching the joker >fart loudly and say "did someone step on a frog?" >whole theatre claps >girl down the back says 'dat white boy cute"
Jose Murphy
Wtf my name is craig
Isaac Howard
No it’s ok, I would’ve got it as a joke if Yea Forums didn’t remove the cursed emotes
Cooper Collins
Based as shit
Ethan Morris
>mum is in back yard >want to make her think the dog pissed on the floor >ill pour water on the floor >needsmorerealism.jpg >boil water so its warm >add yellow food dye >add salt so it tastes more realistic >pour on floor >mum takes the bait and cleans up artificial dog piss
Genuinely based. I started wagecucking fulltime 2 years ago and it destroyed my soul and I have tinnitus now.
Kevin Bailey
this is what moral relativists fantasise about while they seethe about being bullied at work
Thomas Brown
>be me >Watching my favorite American show Dragon ball z >Some faggot ass weeb comes in and starts talking about their japanimation shows >Some faggot shit called one piece >Tell them to shut the fuck up about retarded japanimarion or I'm going to shit my pants and throw it at them >They start telling me how it's called ""anime"" and how dragon ball z isn't American >Shit in my pants >Take them off and fling the shit on them >They take off their clothes and start masturbating with the shit >Decide that they haven't had enough and spray a mix of piss and shit all over them >They start sucking my dick like the faggot they are >We both cum as Goku obliterates Majin Buu with his spirit bomb
Leo Perez
>go to maccas drive through >order (large might mcmuffin meal with iced long black) >girl at the payment section is being kinda flirty with me (she was a bit of a hog though unfortunately) >girl at food wondow gives me my food, as i drive away hear here yell "yeah he is cute actually" >never return for fear they might talk to me
Adrian Smith
charge your phone stupi
Josiah Perry
> Abusive druggie parents >Virgin > Can't get job It was my biopic. Although I'd never fantasize about dating a negro.
rape is unethical for a human society, so is still wrong in human society, doesnt really matter if morality is subjective.
Ayden Walker
>be me >antisocial loser >make some casual friends at my wagie job >they invite me over to smoke dudeWEED >after we're all high they realize they don't have any food >they all leave to go buy food >only me and a random girl they invited over are left >never hung out with people before, let alone girls >both of us just sit there > >"hey user, do you have a woman in your life right now" > > >"yeah, my mom" HARD TIMES GONNA MAKE YOU WONDER WHY YOU EVEN TRIED
>Family dinner >BF brought his girlfriend and her mum along to meet the family >Greeting the GF's mum >She says "It's nice to meet you" >Go to reply "Nice to meet you too" >Brain locks up for no reason at all and I just say "Nice" >Shake hands and move on because I literally can't get the rest of the sentence out of my mouth ONE
>Make Death Note thread on Yea Forums >I've never watched Death Note >It's the one shot II go to bakeries all day long cause there's a lack of sweetness in my life.
Benjamin Evans
That was funny tho, if she can't appreciate that it's her loss
Not really. Rape is still not seen as a big deal in some cultures, and as a result victims don't even get traumatized
Connor Sanders
Spanish/french ?
Liam Gomez
Fake and gay
Jaxson Cruz
meta
Jackson Campbell
>BF brought his girlfriend and her mum along to meet the family What does this sentence mean
Henry Gutierrez
I know reading comprehension isn't your strong suit user but God damn
Oliver Torres
So this guy's boyfriend brought his girlfriend's mom to meet him and his family He's being introduced to his boyfriend's girlfriend's mom, and then his parents will be meeting his boyfriend's girlfriend's mom And then they'll all fuck I hope you give your mom AIDS you degenerate nigger lover
Adam Martinez
I got joklered by a friend, when I was staying over he drew a swastika and then went to show his mom and blamed it on me and she had a very serious conversation about "what that symbol means" and I just had to grin and bear it.
great practical joke in retrospect.
Robert Bailey
Fake and impressive
Jackson Martinez
Or BF means best friend
Hudson Gray
Yes, and in >Greeting the GF's mum GF stands for Gest Friend, obviously And why is his best friend bringing his girlfriend's mom to a "family dinner", is this a fucking wedding reception? Not only is his best friend tagging along, his best friend's girlfriend's FAMILY is coming? Get all that tranny cum out of your eyes, you commie asshole slurper
Benjamin Gutierrez
Devilish
Evan Moore
kids wouldn't really get expelled for looking at titties in america would they?
>Principle immediately graduates me and offers me his job >Punch the principal for even suggesting that I’d want a lowly position as a special ed teacher user, I think they were trying to get you into the special ed class and you tarded out and attacked them. however... >redhead >beautiful strawberry fields grow This is the ONE and ONLY instance where any pubic hair is okay. If ANY OTHER shade of blonde,brown,black etc. it needs to be shaven.
>>>BF brought his girlfriend and her mum along to meet the family >What does this sentence mean Ok I know you and the other user went at it but this is my bad, I meant to write "Brother" not BF
Christian Phillips
this would have been around like 1995-1997 and they didn't have the internet, I was frankly impressed
Gabriel Jackson
>download frog image >save it under videos TRY TO LEAVE A LIGHT ON WHEN IM GONE
Samuel Martinez
>feel like there is something missing in my life SLIP INSIDE THE EYE OF YOUR MIND
Logan Parker
>>Fuck the 6’9” redhead and slap her for shaving her pubes and not letting a beautiful strawberry fields grow Alright, this user is based
Parker Morales
Out fucking skilled
Bentley Collins
>5th grade >friend brings porn to school >look at pussies all recess >go home >ask my mom if I can touch hers to see what it feels like >get sent to therapy SAY IT AIN'T SO I WILL NOT GO
This is actually such a big-dicked response. Saying no sounds like you’ve got no bitches, pretending to have a gf is obviously cockblocking yourself, but saying the woman in your life is your mom shows value, humor, and availability all at once. Fuck any woman that can’t see that.
Nathan Moore
You’re gay
Parker Price
This is why laws exist about giving children phonograph. Autists like you. You should be proud
