Graduate wizard school with 60k galleons worth of student loans

Harry, you're a little incel faggot and aren't more intelligent than Historians

>can teleport any distance instantly
>still getting apprehended
Just dont be retarded.

Harry's grandpa invented a popular anti-balding potion that made the family into richfags who didn't need to work. Too bad he refused to share it with Ronald.

The historians also happen to be goblins

>walk into Fort Knox
>Accio Gold
If I could draw I'd make a comic strip of this, ending with a hand clutching a broken wand sticking out under a mountain of gold bars, with bars still flying towards it.

>or he could’ve just used his brothers older ones.
That doesn't work because the fags writing the textbooks keep coming up with new editions every year that you have to buy. When a new teacher doesn't show up and force you to buy the complete set of their own books.

The historians also happen to be goblins
and bankers

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Money is completely redundant in a world of magic

i would go invisible and spy in girls locker rooms
also
>make invisibility cloak with a dick sized hole
>cum from said hole in public
hahahah
also
>accio girl panties and socks or even accio girl drool
Haha used panties :')

Only in a world of fantasy and magic would that sort of thing make any believable sense

Anyway, the shitty little goblins deserved it

>silent casting has been shown to be possible
>become assassin
>shadow target on a busy street
>push wand into their back and silently cast avada kedavra
>untraceable
>become best assassin either world has ever known

>Emma aged up to be 35
Boy, they sure got that one wrong.

Not really, because wizards can't duplicate food and you'd still have stuff like fashion changing, requiring you to buy new clothes from French-trained wizards that have specialised in cutting and sewing magic as well as design. Then you've got magicians inventing gadgets to do spells that most wizards can't do on their own because they specced into a different skill tree.

>he doesnt name his children after a bunch of staff from his highschool

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>debtius disappeario
You mad, goblin bankers?

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this makes me think that a film noir in the hp world with a broken investigator trying to solve mysterious murder case would be fucking kino
imagine all the spells he could use, how he could investigate the history of different sorcer's wands, use that spell Dumbledore used while looking for Slughorn to recreate the modus operandi and the crime scene, try legilimens and even ponder if he'd use the forbidden ones. All this while he becomes more desperate, clueless and alcocholic since his daughter died in the hands of a death eater and he has to fight against a corrupt ministry that actually wants to pick back the "greater good" theory of Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
Fuck hollywood just hire me with me this user already

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>Not only do mechanical things (Cars) work flawlessy near wizards, they can actually be augmented to defy physics, yet still employ physical interactions that grant them movement
>some terrible wizard who cant afford to feed his family can make a car fly and also give it pretty perfect invisibility
>wizard train still leaves on muggle rails from a muggle station
why is J.K Rowling like this bros?

>be me, a werewolf that loves to turn kids into werewolves to fuck with people
>mfw the guy trying to stop me names his kid Wolfy Wolfsson
He was begging for it, dammit!

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>incel
>faggot
0/2 wanna try again, degenerate?

Does Hogwarts even have tuition? I always thought students only need to pay for study materials like books, scrolls and quills (why are they still using them).

BANG BANG BANG
Aurors, open up. We've received a report that a communist lives in this house.

>giving your buddy anti-balding potions is communism
Then why was Lenin bald?

Oh. It's actually a hair styling potion. Because the running joke is that Potter hair is impossible to tame.
There is no cure for baldness even in the wizarding world.

I thought teleportation was more of a higher-level spell
come to think of it, how do wizards learn new spells? do they just learn the words and wand motions needed? what separates a weak wizard from a strong wizard, do they have something like exp?

It's pure pay-to-win bullshit

>what separates a weak wizard from a strong wizard
rowling didnt really think any of the magic shit through, stronger wizard beats weaker wizard every time just by out zapping em

People complain about the Harry Potter films and videogames being retarded laser shootouts, but that's basically all they had to work with from the source material

They make them somehow. Snape made probably dozens of curses for James and his gang to fuck with them, he also made a spell that cuts the person to absolute shit but isn’t unforgivable and only he knew about it for like 30 years so he feasibly could’ve been murdering people for decades with it with no ability to tell it was him until Harry found his old journal and learned it as well.

hermione's parents were dentists iirc so she was well off

yes I think HP suits the mystery format more than wizarding wars
which is why most of the books were mysteries
it'd be so much better if they went this direction for the cash grab sequels but instead we got cursed tumblr and crimes of jk rowling

They were British dentists, so they weren't very good

but in high demand

Rowling may not have fleshed it out much but she definitely showed that a good duellist was good because they were quick-thinking and could think of a variety of good spells to be used in the moment, compared to the movies where everyone's just shooting lasers at each other that all do the same shit except the green one that kills. That's why Harry's the best duellist of the friend group, he's the quick thinker, but even then he gets completely owned by Snape who can parry all his spells with ease by knowing which counter-spell to use before Harry's finished saying anything. The movies might as well not have had any spells beyond Avada and the one that sends people flying on their ass instead of simply diswanding them.

A good higher-up ministry wizard is like Hermione, who knows a shitload of spells but she sucks ass at thinking on her feet and might fuck up teleporting if she's stressed out. Meanwhile Harry thinks on his feet and has great reflexes, reflected in both his quick use of spells but also in his Quidditch role, and makes a good Auror because of it. Then you've got the true visionaries like Snape or the twins that end up inventing their own spells and tools by thinking outside the box. It's all down to different mental aptitudes. Some ADHD scatterbrain is going to have to travel by broom because they risk leaving behind their dick every time they attempt a teleportation.

>It's another "I'm so bright, and knew Remus (& Romulus) and "lupine" and "Sirius" references at age 9, and expertly deduced Lupin was a werewolf and Sirius was the Grim" episode
Almost as bad as BBT reruns desu

This. The duel between Voldemort and Dumbledore shows the potential of magical duels being interesting. I think the problem is often that, like many people, most wizards don't know how to fight. Two people who are intelligent and know what they're doing are rare to see. Harry Potter's populations are all sorts of fucked up so the chances of getting two people of relatively even skill level is super rare. Harry can hold his own against adults sort of, and they were all fresh out prison. Snape cleans him up easily because he's not, and because it was clearly a passion of his to be good at dueling.

>but isn’t unforgivable
The unforgivable curses are only unforgivable because they have no possible benign purpose. A cutting spell can be used like a knife to kill someone but could also be used in other cases just like a knife, but a spell that requires you to want to kill and does nothing but kill shows clear intent. We don't outlaw knives, we simply make it illegal to stab people with them. There's spells that cause explosions that'll kill a wizard but they're not unforgivable because some wizards use them to blow up stumps in their back yards. The other two is a brainrape spell that's illegal against wizards and a spell that's good for nothing except torture.

>make silly joke about werewolf pedo guy
>REEEE YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT STOP TRYING TO LOOK SMART ON Yea Forums
Stop projecting.

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>We don't outlaw knives, we simply make it illegal to stab people with them
Get a life, bin that knife

>Then you've got magicians inventing gadgets to do spells that most wizards can't do on their own because they specced into a different skill tree.
Then you have really powerful/talented wizards like Voldemort, Dumbledore or Hermione Fucking Grannyger, the latter just studied really hard and was able to cast every spell in the world and to make stuff like bag of holdings and portable fires, apparently without using really rare/expensive material components, just by casting spells on her bag or w/e. And what she does with her power and knowledge? Becomes a bureaucrat lmao.

Cant they just use divination to turn rocks into gold to pay off the loan?

How does poverty even exist in the HP universe anyways? Just turn shit into gold and go into a muggle pawn shop and walk out a millionaire

Because the Je- Goblins run the banks

isn't it free?

Write fourteen inches on why mechanical things shouldn't work near wizards.

>The car tyres spin while it's flying
>It has a running engine while it flies
>This is never explained

Meds. Take them.

yes, who's ever heard of someone who's really good at studying and remembering what other people's written who then goes into politics. Britain certainly isn't filled with politicians that memorise quotes to bring out as a bon mot to look smart, half of them in latin. Nosiree.

Hermione is NOTHING like Dumbledore and Voldemort, those two invented instead of simply studying.

Rowling tweeted that tuition is "free because Ministry of Magic covers it" or some bs like that.

Well, you got me here. Still doesn't explain how wizards manage to be fuckpoor when tuition is free and you can learn enough in 7 years to become completely independent and being able to live off the grid in you bigger on the inside tent. Ok, I guess you can be magical and stupid. But how Weasleys stay disgustingly, using hand-me-down wands and 100 year old robes, poor when at the start of the series they have two grown up employed sons, one of which is a ministry ass kisser and the other is a dragon tamer or some shit.

Hogwarts is a public school, it has no retarded tuition and they are never brought up in the series
They even help kids with no money like Voldemort

What the fuck would Hogwarts even need money for? Hagrid and Filch clearly work for room and board and they're certainly not paying the slaves they use to cook and clean. Does the whole tuition fee go towards buying the feasts that the kids eat every day and then the scraps go towards paying the teachers? They certainly don't seem well-paid for a one-of-a-kind school that should have people clamouring over the highly paid positions.

Well there's some bullshit magic rule about not being able to create food from nothing or duplicate food, so that's probably one big expense. Potion ingredients, magical plants and at least some animals, tools, study materials (all those cups they turn into mice or w/e), quidditch equipment, bed linens and hygiene goods. Library books. Teacher salary, funds for orphans like Tom Riddle. It all adds up.
But yeah, concerning salary, I always got the impression that being a Hogwarts professor is more of a recognition of one's talent, skill and merits than a really high-paid job.

For me it's the part where Hermione, a muggleborn who only learnt about magic a month or two ago, learns a repairing spell before she's even set foot at Hogwarts. Meanwhile Lupin shows up and is shown to be down on his luck by having a beaten old suitcase and old worn clothes, even though he's meant to be quite a good wizard. All Rowling had to do was write a passage about wizard fashion changing constantly because most of them have all their basic needs met and so show off their class and money with the latest fashion, exactly like the landed gentry did. Ron would have robes and capes that still look brand new despite being handed down from his ancestors who bought them a thousand years ago, but they'd be the wrong cut and so Malfoy who's gotten the latest robe from France would mock him for it. Lupin would have new stuff, but they'd be the fashion from twenty years ago showing that he's been out of society for too long.

its not an amerimutt prison

why do kikes always need spectacles?

are you retarded? ever play an mmo? buy new magic clothings buy new wands or staffs buy crafting items

Myopia is inheritable to a large degree and god's chosen pepes have been practicing the worst kinds of inbreeding for almost two millenia.

they were lousy dentists, since her daughter had buck teeth and was often compared to a beaver by her bitchy classmates