Thread for the discussion of Christian cinema.
Optional thread topic: What is an incident from the bible you would like to see adapted? If it has already been adapted, how would you like it to be adapted differently?
/bible kino general/
Brody Wilson
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Jordan Foster
Fat king Eglon getting assassinated while he's on the shitter
Xavier Morgan
The walls of Jericho being brought down. Always thought that was interesting. Had an hour long conversation with a christian girl about harmonics and the physical possibility of trumpets shattering the stone walls of a bronze age city. Was pretty kino.
Thomas Powell
In regards to the thread topic I would personally like to see an adaptation of the golden calf incident after Moses led the Jews out of egypt.
>Moses goes up to the mountain for 40 days
>After about 30 days a large portion of the Jews started to worship a golden calf
>Aaron, who spoke on behalf of Moses by his side in Egypt, made a golden calf for these Jews
>The Jews are having pagan orgies around the calf non-stop
>Moses, having the tablets with God's law on them, comes down from the mountain and is so angry he breaks the tablets in rage
>He takes the calf, burns it, and pours the remains in the Jew's drinking water
>God is so angry with the Jews Moses basically says to God 'blot me out of your book' if He won't spare them
>God spares them
>Moses them gives the Jews a choice to choose God or their pagan ways
>Of the million-ish Jews, 3000-ish decide to stick to their pagan ways
>God kills them
I think a 90 minute movie about this descent into sin and then ending with the 'choose' moment from Moses, and the outcome would be KINO.
Carter Gomez
>Thw artist's signature looks like the word "sneed"
Caleb Watson
>What is an incident from the bible you would like to see adapted?
The quest that King Saul sends David on if he wants to marry his daughter from the book of Samuel.
Jack Long
The detail that eglon's fat belly covered up the entire sword astounds me.
Christopher Lee
>God is so angry with the Jews Moses basically says to God 'blot me out of your book' if He won't spare them
>God spares them
Yahweh as a wrathful, yet placatable deity is much more interesting a character than the implacable God of the new testament. Maybe I should convert to heebism and start striking covenants with all powerful beings because I sperged out about normies orgying.
Nicholas Davis
King david and jonathan were a bromance too good for this world. I wish i had a bro who would literally pledge the care of his descendants to me.
I hate fujoshis trying to self insert into this story tho. Hate fujoshis in general
Kevin Bell
Think of it this way:
A loving father treats his unruly children with sternness, but as they grow older and less unruly, he neednt discipline as harshly before.
The jews of moses's time were literal escaped slaves. Like spartacus or such. They were ready to be violent if needed. The jews in Jesus's time were civilized, living as citizens of a vast empire- but evil and hypocritical.
Something like that, user
Matthew Adams
That story and the surprisingly solid laws about crop rotation in the mosaic law are interesting to think about. That and the concept of the cities of refuge
Daniel Williams
How come people make fun of Hellenistic polytheism “Greek Mythology” for being fiction, and having tons of movies made out of mythological figures thus not a valid belief system, but how many movies are made about bible stories and characters?
Jeremiah Smith
Heres your (you). Now post bible story kino.
Landon Rodriguez
Ive always wanted to see jesus during the time he descended to hell between his death and his resurrection, hopefully mel finished passion of the Christ 2 already.
Connor Campbell
Revelations. Make it trippy.
Christopher Wilson
Julian Gonzalez
Hellenistic polytheism is a long dead culture and defeated religion. Incorporating it's essence into your own fables is both an expression of dominance and part of a humiliation ritual. Christianity isn't at that point yet and it's more complicated because it's technically the same god.
Robert Butler
Kino where Jesus comes back and talks to trannies and liberals.
Jose Gray
Get saved, Yea Forums
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Oliver James
I know! But I'm convinced it's accurate. I could easily see that happening to a lot of the My 600 Pound Life people.
Jaxon King
I love it that the Bible documents that it was common knowledge 3000 years ago that fatties spend a lot more time in the bathroom than normal people.
William Mitchell
Who was that one dude that jumped an angel an wrestled it into submission?
John Martin
In Genesis 6:3, God straight up tells Moses that He set the maximum age of male humans at 120 years. Just a few years ago, scientists confirmed that was accurate because of a thing called the Hayflick limit. Hard to disbelieve the Bible with stuff like that in it. Absolutely no way nomadic shepherds could have known the biological max life span of human beings in 1200 BC.
Jack James
>Who was that one dude that jumped an angel an wrestled it into submission?
You're thinking of Jacob. Google "Jacob wrestles with an angel"
Wyatt Thompson
Meanwhile atheists in the same centuries believed that consciousness originated from the heart
Nathan Ross
Whos your favourite angel, tv?
Dylan Roberts
The angel let him win, but yeah pretty kino.
Watch the movie in pic related (second one down).
Jordan Morales
okay hold the fuck on christ fags. jesus was a carpenter right? being nailed on a wooden cross was literally irony or some shit. was the bible just a really really good tv?
Jose Cooper
Its the same reason why Jesus quotes psalm 22 on the cross.
Divine poetry
Zachary Long
If you think that's impressive consider Abraham was told by God to kill his more cherished son Isaac. Abraham was old as fuck by this time so Isaac had to willingly agree to be sacrificed. Not only that, but he would carry the WOOD for the kindling which he would be sacrificed with, just like how Jesus carried his cross to his crucifixion.
Gavin Hernandez
>includes foreign language films
Based.
Ayden Anderson
>includes foreign language films
Based.
Fellow Christian here. Astounded.
Samuel Ramirez
Yahweh is simply a troll with a diferent morality.
and he thinks you're hilarious.
Christopher Lewis
Brayden Roberts
the one where daughters fuck their drunk dad
Gavin Brooks
kek
Oliver Clark
That would gross out a Lot of people.
Tyler Rodriguez
Gotta go with the Angel of Death. His cameo in Raiders of the Lost Ark was absolute kino.
Andrew Nguyen
Revelation would be kino
>the throne room vision
>the locusts with human faces and lion's teeth
>the army of demonic horsemen that kill ONE THIRD of the earth's population
>after the biggest earthquake in history, everyone (who survived) leaves their houses for safety, just in time for 50 pound hailstones to rain from the sky and crush their skulls
Grayson Lopez
t. Suicidal pill popper
Tyler Hill
Acts of the Apostles would be a pretty cool tv series. You could make it an anthology of all the travels of Jesus' apostles throughout Africa, Asia, and Europe. Plus there's not a lot of depictions of ~30 AD Rome from a plebeian perspective so it should be pretty unique.
If you need a recurring main character, you can always depict Paul's books.
Cameron Cox
And that's after the dad offers his daughters to a horde of coomers that want to rape his guests
Nathaniel Collins
yeah cut your dick off, see how far that gets you
Alexander Morris
I thought the angel was getting bodied hard, and got stuck in a stalemate so it popped Jacobs hip out or some shit. Then said, "hey dude, I'm gonna call you Israel now. Peace, bitch."
Connor Bell
Samson when. It has everything, cool fights, riddles, romance, tragic ending.
Evan Flores
Michael, protector of mankind, the chad to Satan's virgiin
Noah Ward
>still no movie that shows what happened to Jesus after the crucifixion
Cooper Morgan
Yeah pretty much its just the Angel was clearly letting him win. The same way an Angel can inflict blindness in an instant (like in Sodom).
Daniel Baker
I'm not sure which is more retarded. This or Islam's view that Christ was swapped out on the cross.
Robert Reed
Let's see a movie about gideon
Elijah Williams
It's harsh indeed but symbolically lacking unless isaac is a carpenter too kek. Does this mean that oldfags view as giving the eldest their means of livelihood a sacrifice? It is a burden though while the younger ones can "find themselves"
John Ortiz
the rise and moral fall of king david
pretty much is a less noble kong arthur
Connor Martinez
The part where Abraham gets rich by whoring out his wife Sarah to Pharaoh, who then kicks them out because she gave him a disease.
The part where the Jews murder all the Madianite men and bring back the enslaved women and children, and Moses gets mad at them for not killing those too. So he orders the massacre of every male child and every non-virgin woman, and splits up the virgin women as sex slaves along with the cattle, with 34 of them going to Yahweh in the form of a human sacrifice.
The part where a Levite priest is traveling with his wife, and they stay the night in someone's home in a Jewish town. Then during the night the men of the town come to the house demanding to rape the priest. But the host begs them not to do this abomination and to rape his own virgin daughter and the priest's wife instead. So the men drag the wife into the street and rape her all night. In the morning she crawls back to the house and the priest finds her there and takes her home. Once there, he takes a knife and cuts her into 12 pieces, which he mails to each tribe of Israel.
Wyatt Williams
>The part where Abraham gets rich by whoring out his wife Sarah to Pharaoh, who then kicks them out because she gave him a disease.
He explicitly never touched AmazingAtheist
Grayson Hughes
>Judas sold out Jesus for 30 shekels, or 12.69 ounces of silver
>current value is $313.82
Colton Nelson
Ummm *sigh* more veiled antisemitism
You're not allowed to source stories from the Bible that paints it in a negative light. Do better.
Ryder Rivera
>(you)
Liam Rogers
You're thinking of when Isaac tried to whore out his wife to Pharaoh. When Abraham did it he explicitly fucked her, and paid Abraham handsomely for it.
>knowing Jewish tales makes me an atheist
Nathaniel Cooper
(You)
Ryan Young
Or actually with Isaac I think it wasn't Pharaoh but Abimelec. Abraham also whored Sarah out to Abimelec at one point.
The Hebrew patriarchs whored out their wives a lot.
Luke Parker
>r/atheism user uses reddit spacing