Describe this image and the girl's appearance with your best prose

The makings of attractiveness was there, but it would seem that a rude creature had snuck into her mother's womb and messed about (one of a lower sort I would assume; I'm tempted to name it a devil, but the notion that satan's band could pervert our god-given material form seems blaphamous to me; perhaps alchol was the perpetrator?) Her chin was rather mannish, her cherk bones were too high, her ears too big, and her eye's had an unsettling beadiness to them-- like a rat. Looking at her made me uncomfortable, so I turned without a word and left the room (those boat painting are pretty, I should buy them off of John. Shame about his sister though.)

The creator had been watching too much anime recently, and in a drunk stupor or dark energy he would design an infant after his favorite kawaii thot. "Uguuu" would be the first word she uttered, and twenty three years later there she stood with eyes that were almost green enough to be considered master race.

i like to pretend this girl has a penis, it makes my masturbation so much more enjoyable

Well good news, she went back

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Hey you mind positng more?

It's from her instagram

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Back then, she mostly ignored me aside from the vacant smile she flashed all too casually. But that day, I'd like to think, she really, truly, felt sorry for me. Not that she could possibly understand - and hence genuinely empathize with - the particulars of my predicament that morning when I revealed it to her. That much I knew. But there was something else behind her smile that gave me hope. Somehow, the gap between us had narrowed, and I was immeasurably happier for it. My unrequited affection for her had been known to all for some time, and I harboured unspeakable hope for what the future may bring.
Later that day, at lunch, I noticed several of the boys over at the varsity crew table huddling over someone's shoulder, obviously enthralled by the latest diversion on someone's smartphone. "Just like litte girls" I thought. My minor conquest had imbued me with a confidence I was not accustomed to.

Jason's eyes looked up from the table and saw me staring. Jason was the only one who was nice, and our occasional encounters during the walk to school - we shared one quarter of the path from each of our houses - marked the only highlight of my otherwise vacant social life.

Right now he was smiling like a greedy king, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey buddy, why don't you come over here."

He must have noticed my apprehension, giving me a quick wink in that casual manner I could only dream of.

My feigned attempt at swagger quickly turned into a hobble, but the distance between our tables was not great. Was this what it felt like, I thought, to finally make it? To be able to view your fellow students not as potential tormentors waiting for their next opportunity to prey, but as peers who value your presence as much as you would like to value theirs, if only they'd let you?

Somehow, without seeing anything else, as soon as I saw the familiar face on the screen, I knew that I had made a grave mistake. In one less than holy fraction of a second, my newly discovered throne began to crumble beneath me.

"Go slow - FUCK - go slower T". The voice was now disembodied, as the would-be cameraman panned down the lithe delicately freckled frame.

I wasn't paying attention by then.

I don't pay attention very much at all these days, and as long as I don't, it's not so bad.

dorito dorito dorito dorito dorito dorito

as for the whole image, maybe dorito on a picnic blanket?

Tone down the melodrama and the cliches, we get it, godess or whore yadda yadda

bump

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bretty gud not gunna lie

She was no Manhattan classic...

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Magnfique portrait with buldings frame. The girl was past tall with classic short. And very simple but top notch make up and hairdresser.

Skiny and cardigan and in the civil life of a geisha smile.

Deep ocean framing, bliss and dawn of sprnging eyes; were found proportions hidden behind the whereabouts of shadow and light, floral opaques down her neck; a clean portrait of renaissance wont, paragon of ages alltogether singing in academic beauty and the sum of her allegoric joy: a nascent rosal realm, felicitas the lips, pleasant, yet not sincere nor cold.

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Hey, the Valerie Kamen user again.

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Asking for prose based on an image is as useless as asking for architecture based on a sound

And there I was sitting on my phone browsing Yea Forums because I didn't want to get off my ass and exercise a bit. user posted an image of a girl, and he asked all who read his post to describe her with our best prose or some shit like that.

The woman in the picture was in front of two crooked pictures of boats. I don't know which type or what boats they were, but they had a lot of sails. Makes me think of the little boat figure my aunt bought once. Well, I'm lying. I'm not sure if the pictures are crooked or if the image is in a dutch angle (maybe they are dutch ships, shame that they aren't flying so I could continue this line of reasoning instead of talking about the woman :^)). Anywho the case is, it strikes me as curious the implications of both conclusions desu. If it is a dutch angle, why does it seem that she is perfectly upright? Or if the images themselves are crooked, why is it that they are crooked in such a perfect way to make it so that it made me believe that the actual photograph was taken at an angle?

(1/?)

Well, who cares about the pictures. The woman is the centerpiece of the shitty picture. Now the optical illusions make me wonder again. Is her neck really that thin? Or is it normal thickness and the collar of her shirt is covering part of it? I choose to believe that she is really thin. Talking about her shirt: what a stupid shirt. It is almost the same beige color as the background and the boat's sails, and her skin and almost the same color as the whites (almost beiges) of her eyes. This makes for a bland picture overall. The only color in it are the green of her eyes and the brown of her hair, which I believe is dyed. If it weren't dyed, it is unfortunate because you don't want your natural hair color look artificial. But even then, the green of her eyes is so subdued that now looking at it, it is closer to grey. Whichever color it is, it is so close in value to the color of the water in the pictures of the boats that it just blends in; making the only color that pops out the boring brown of her hair, which once you realize that, it quickly blends with the frames of the pictures and the only interesting aspect of the picture are the strange observations earlier I made and the reflections on the glasses of the frames of the crooked pictures of boats in the wall. But the woman's the central aspect.
(2/?)

Are you a fucking retard? Most novels are a good 1/4th descriptions of imagry

Stupid annoying cunty fucktoy

Looking at all the other pictures of this person I see that the angle on which her head is in all the pictures is the same. Could it be that she doesn't like how she looks like neither from head on, nor in profile? Of course. Now, let me preface the following inflammatory assertions with saying that I would date this girl if she had a nice personality, but [...] (this sentence will be followed up when you see [...] again.

Her nose looks slightly crooked and her smile is insincere; her forehead is massive and her hair is thin. Eyes like Sid from Ice Age, can't you see? Her earring is atrocious and her ears look weirder. Her neck looks thin and her think skin looks hanging from her neck as the white streaks accented with pale shadows makes it look like so... Maybe a mistake from makeup, or indeed the lightning in the room is weird enough to make me see her neck as such. [...] She is pretty, alright, I give you that; but the word I would use is cute (as fuck), and such I am contractually obligated to say that all the flaws I perceive in this woman are all of her fault and the reasons why I will give you here:
(3/?)

It is all because she wants to make herself look prettier than she is. The air around her pictures are devoid of life and clinical. In one of her pictures you can clearly see in her eyes a reflection of the light she uses to light up her face so that the lightning is even. You can feel (Or, well, I; I don't know what you can feel, faggot) the weight of all the makeup she has on top of her. For vvwhat pvrpose, I ask? So that she can hide some thing she doesn't like about herself, that no one really cares about? Is a pimple or a mole or unflattering lightning worth the price of her soul? Now, that may seem pseudo-deep pretentious shit that other Anons may post in this thread, so let me rephrase: Is trying to (and failing) to recreate an sterile, studio-like ambiance for her pictures worth it in exchange for a homely feel she may give off in a more casual scenario, like a photo someone close to her took when taking a stroll to the park, and he saw the subtle way in which the sun was reflected in her pale skin, and even though she didn't put makeup that day, the radiance it seemed to give was stronger than all of those the lights she used to take her pictures could ever hope to give off; or the way, maybe, that her hair moved with the air, that he could imagine each and every strand as a leave on a branch, and that even though he could tell that she hadn't showered in three days and she had knots all over her brown locks, it didn't matter as the smile she gave when all of it covered her eyes and some entered her mouth, that smile could have justified her smelling a little funny in the car ride back home...
(4/?)

Anyway must you (I (you)) imagine this woman, in no way I ever see her perfection in the manner of impeccable facial symmetry, but rather in the everyday in which a woman is not the impersonation of a fertility goddess, but just a woman, the same way I am a man. And maybe this isn't even about the woman in the picture, but rather who I am as a person. And that, in the end, is the point of our best prose, don't you think? Well, I don't really care what you think.

I am going to eat dinner now.

—Excerpt from "My Diary Desu", by user, page 873
(5/5)

>tfw no qt norf fc gf to clobber soufie ponces with :(

youtube.com/watch?v=OdRDC29hTtg

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well she is thin

It's doubly retarded when you consider that some of the most important architectural projects have been built with acoustics in mind (opera houses, cathedrals.)

>Tfw when no LI cutie to take to NYC Opera spring gala 2011

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That's pretty creepy, user desu

>arsty
>dizzy
>gothic-ish
>constant ataraxia

Needing that true Yea Forums gf

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If sitting in the stark florescent light that irradiates a shared, doorless room at a halfway house, nude except for my grandmother's support stockings and an ample bloom of body hair, wheezily whistling discrodant circus music and collecting photos of an obscure artist online while I stifle an erection by pricking it with a safety pin I found on my daily solo walk through the alley to the Circle K to pick up a pack of Kools, then yeah I guess I'm "creepy desu"

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“Wah wah she’s a whore how could I be so naive”
This tired chuck narrative has been done to death.Yawn

Meh now it's cringe bro go be a degenerate to Yea Forums or something

She looked over at me with a glazed eye and some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area and said "Just get me wasted and you're halfway there, cause if my mind's messed up then my body don't care".

Did you know that a woman's sexual peak is in menopause?
I should know.
This tart has been added to my folder.

Behold Incel: The Woman if you haven't yet. This old creepy hag collects pictures of 19 years old maidens.

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Jesus Butterfly just leave Yea Forums already; an old
>woman
Doesn't need to rot in Yea Forums's literature board

Cocksucking lips. Does this bitch bitch? If she bites I will strangle her neck with one hand

a fucking whore
a whore
a fucking
a fucking whore
a whore

7/10 would bang

She was a whore's whore. The sorta broad who could guzzle down a sausage factory's entire daily output, and come out of it with a smile on her semen-drenched face. She had Johns all over town. Rich ones, too. Depraved rich ones. But that was how the trouble started, you see.

I find her attractive but this is still very good user.

She was of some sort of Scotch or Irish stock, perhaps even Spaniard as the Iberians were ancestral of the supposed Tuatha de Danann. Whereforth her ancestors might have hailed, she bore the lovely eyes of a semi-oriental; that is, pointed at the ends yet retaining a roundness of feature and wide gaze, iris green as the seas upon which her forebears sailed to mongrelize with the other inhabitants of a so-called New World.
Of her features, none could be counted as superior to any other, for they were all lovingly proportionate and complementary to another...except perhaps her hair.
It lay lankly upon her shoulders, a thin wisp of curl to it, yet not artificially straightened with iron nor shampoos; it was positively boring. Her bangs were cut over her eyes, indeed to her brow, and yet perplexingly those brows were nigh-perfect in composition, volume, and color!
"What was it about the girl's hair that was lacking?" he wondered in frustration.
"I could cum inside her, abandon a litter of children upon her breast, make her suck my cock until it shriveled and fell useless from my loins, yet for her hair! 10/10 would not bang!"
He closed the window in disgust, and he masturbated furiously to wider-eyed caricatures of what a mean-spirited young man thought that the ideal woman might be.

i wish i could turn that smug look into one of pure horror as she sees me running towards her with great speed and a shovel in hand. Women should live in permanent fear of getting their faces smashed by a man so they don't look so bitchy all the time.

A very good post. I would buy this book.

>prose
cringe.
meter is required for good works.

Tenía una cara angelical sin dejar por eso de tener que forzar su sonrisa.
She had an angelic face wich didn't stop her from having to force her smile.

Why is she so smug? Does she(he) have it tucked in?

Yes, she lloked like a prostitute, but those ones who you fall in love with. I wasn't wrong, the first thing she told me was if i wanted to give her a ride. She went inside my car and we started to talk about meaningless things. As I was driving trough the tunnel in my way home she grabbed my COCK and had my whole body sacking. I parked the car in the General's Park and she started to bark asking for my dark smart mark. She grabbed my COCK and had it put within her beautiful lips. I petted her and told her I wanted her. She sat on my COCK spreading her legs open behind her summer dress.
It's two months later now and I see her on the same street. This time she doesn't seem to have joy in her face. She told me she was pregnant and it was mine. And that's how i met my wife.

She had the cute but not enough of it to make me not notice the dope ass ship paintings behind her.

Her beautiful gray steely eyes literally made for staring down a superior man of color while giving him a beautiful blowjob with her juicy pink lips, while her pale skin goes red from all the movement the colored bull will be making.

Why do those boats have so many sails? Do they need all of those sails? What if they had maybe one less sail, or one more? What difference would that make? It seems like such a precise amount of sails. I wish I knew more about boats. Ships, I guess, might be more accurate. Sailboats specifically. Sailships? Those pictures seem crooked. I don't understand people who don't level their pictures. It's not that difficult to fix but it's so easy to notice. I wish she wore less makeup.

PUTA

staring down?

damn she's cute

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why are you simping for an average looking girl? embarrassing

degenerate tranny looks to be in the early stages of getting bogged

I remember her saying she hates simps and fuckboys when asked

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how you all have access to these private instagram photos, or is that a hopelessly naive question?

The woman's fox-like face was complimented well with her captivating blue-gray eyes which drew one's eyes like a lodestone to iron. Her bangs were the only portion of her hair uncollected by a red head wrap, which complimented her hoop earrings to invoke buccaneering imagery. In the spirit of upstanding naval tradition, behind her hung two pictures of tall ships at sea, offering her the image of maritime adventurism that she so effortlessly approached.

The normal-looking female looked into the camera as her potent queef rippled past her roast flaps.

Grey eyes, double-hooped earrings, a mug creased to each corner in a rehearsed stiff upper lip; I was more interested in the boats on the wall, and the gentle whitecaps. I wish I'd been a sailor, set out to be drowned in the sea.

>Doe eyes, coomer thoughts, big bulge.

a failed alien hybrid hanging on inquired desperation

First time I set eyes on the dame, I knew she was bad news. And the damndest thing was, as much as my mind knew, I couldn't help it for a moment -- she had me tied up and twisted around her little finger.

It was the winter of '33. Coldest winter anyone could remember. The buildings heater had gone out a few weeks ago and the only thing keeping me warm now was a bottle of cheap whiskey and the thought of a woman's touch. The streets were dark and only getting darker, and all through the city rose a tide of crime...

Why is "cheap whiskey" such an overused phrase?

I dunno, it's just another part of the noir trope

Genre*

nice tri but not good enough, its a bit too over the top imho, but at least you can be a decent pickup artist if you can do this on the fly

you read too many books and its preventing you from being around pretty girls. nice prose, but its too much tho

user's point is that you can't expect to write more than the mere pictorial content as opposed to the actual person of the photographic subject. who is this chick anyhow?

(cont from above) you see this makes more sense because it has ~proper context~, but despite that i'm not a fan of the text for unspecified reasons.

this part was better. i like you user desu

this is better than a good deal of prose i read on Yea Forums. i would like to see you write more of this deus

>I wish I'd been a sailor, set out to be drowned in the sea.

this was nice, but not the other parts

desu this reads more like a guy in active-denial of her readily-apparent prettiness as opposed to her actually being ugly. i think so because you wouldn't obsess so much over how a person looks ugly

i seriously wonder if the oceanic imagery present in a lot of text here is because your ~fav~ writer does the same or if its because user has some honest confrontation of the femme ocean, but i guess it could be both

v. nice but i would edit as: "Skinny cardigan in the civil life of a geisha smile."

my attempt:

her lips budged, perking up as a sense of jubilant pride. it was deliberate. but the edge of her smile extending to her cheek was strained: the smile was rehearsed.

her eyes shone like a spherical glass. pure as crystal clear with chromatic aberration, but see-through in the sense of a void, intimate and lonely, a primal whimper without a voice.

i scrolled down to see more of her pictures: they all had the same smile, the same glance, the same makeup. ouch. who was this chick anyways? i'd follow her, but no one is sharing her @.

several user are sharing pics of her. its like she gets fucked by them on a regular basis, passed around among them like an open secret. as an outsider, i can only hear vague rumours of action, too obscene to know, but too beautiful to ignore. i had to get a piece of the action.

found her. turns out she does ASMR on youtube, better than being a streamer i guess, but oh wait she does stream, on twitch. it was a recent decision apparently. maybe not too long after she will take the next modestly small and logical step and set up a private snapchat, maybe she'll take a few skin-coloured selfies while she's still young and blossoming with beauty for personal pleasure, maybe [...unfinished]

Do you like gothic literature?

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She does look super similar to that porn tranny but no

>this reads more like a guy in active-denial of her readily-apparent prettiness
That was what I was going for, yes. Did I capture the puritan autism well enough?
As for your piece, I liked it but feel like you've probably read a but too much joyce

ty for the kind words though i have never read joyce, and the most modernist vibe thing ive read was ~50 pages of DFW. i try not to read anything too "overtly great" because my head needs a break

your prose is nice if you were going for that kind of vibe, though imho the narrator has too much sass/wit (read as, per haps: "self-awareness") ("one of a lower sort I would assume? [...] perhaps alchol was the perpetrator?"; "those boat painting are pretty, I should buy them off of John. Shame about his sister though.") to be a true "autist" in the usual sense, but maybe you can have your own twist on a certain kind of awkwardness

coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom coom!

wtf is a prose lol

unfurled, like the sails of the ships. bangs bob over brows atop water eyes; glasses are to sea. if i could, i would like to in the warm dark with her, share a hammock in the hull

The females forehead intrigued me as it appeared overly bulbous at first glance, though it may just be my eyes playing tricks. Nevertheless I did not wish to continue to stare, so I made my way down her hair, avoiding her eyes which seem to gaze upon a possible figure behind me. I proceeded down her neck to find a strangely unique pattern. It is not common to find grids upon ones shirt, at least, not from my experience.

Rowers to your oars
Warriors to your chores
Slay and maim the angloman
And plunder all his whores

She looks exactly like the female mc of those incest comics that used to get posted on Yea Forums in ~2011, I think they were called JAB or JAX comics. Thats my thoughts on her appearance.

My cock is thicker than her neck.

Oh, what treachery has befallen me!
I am lost in her eyes that speak of dreams and pleasure beyond my life
Though I know all is lie, all is vain
For once Iet me know her lips against mine
Her breath upon my breath, her breasts upon my chest
Oh cruel delight, Oh cruel fate

why do people still write poetry in this voice?

BRITS OUT!

She was so beautiful and I was so poor

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Then I heard rapping, rapping at my chamber door

What is her instagram

becuz they dum dum

she is a poorfag too and currently still looking for a job
>i watched her livestream rant because i couldn't sleep at night

I would die tomorrow to impregnate her today.

youtube.com/watch?v=4fSL8lXSPqc

She looks and sounds so pure :(

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She was a fairly good looking girl, with a jawline a lot like mine. Mine came to more of a point though, but, despite my obsession with jawlines, I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I'm a virgin because I sit on the internet all day, and because I sit on the internet all day I'm obsessed with being a virgin, and a big part of being a virgin, apparently, is facial aesthetics. It's definitely not that I'm too scared of what she could say and do to talk to her, and so I'll focus on the paintings instead. Maybe They're just pictures. I don't know, they're framed and-
They're not fucking straight.
I turned three hundred and sixty degrees and stormed out of there.

Long and wavy sits her brown hair, falling over her shoulders like a waterfall over a cliff. Her smile is pure and her eyes meets our with the same purity. They ask for love and warmth and give it in return. Finely sculpted her nose rises from that mound of angelic skin; finely combed, her bangs swirl over her snow like brow. Lo! as the rose itself, her beauty as petals shall fall onto the ground and welter away in the sun's heat.

She's a 9/10 she could literally get a job doing anything in the service industry. How the fuck is she unemployed?

Maybe we should convince her to sell feet pics.

>based on watching her livestream
she has a low self esteem, with personal life that is apparently falling apart (breaking up with her long distance boyfriend).
imo she did made a quality ASMR video + good at handcrafting art
apparently she rate herself as 4/10 to max 6/10 (in that range)

she needs a healthy dose of self esteem and to neglect her own negativity. and also to stay away from weird internet crowd. get her on normie life train ASAP

Damn, wife material

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unattainable

>she has a low self esteem,
so do 80% of girls. So?

>personal life that is apparently falling apart (breaking up with her long distance boyfriend)
Long distance is a meme. And breaking up with a boyfriend doesn't mean your life is "falling apart", most people go trough that and come out ok.

>imo she did made a quality ASMR video + good at handcrafting art
Good for her. But from what I gathered she needs a job quick. And those things aren't easy to monetize. Due to her looks alone she could easily get a job as a waitress, promoter, bartender etc. as long as she isn't completely autistic, which she clearly isn't from the video

>apparently she rate herself as 4/10 to max 6/10
She was just fishing for compliments mate. She knows what she has to do to get guys to pamper her. At one point she even said "Simping is hot, I love simps.", she knows how to dangle the carrot.

>also to stay away from weird internet crowd. get her on normie life train ASAP
I agree with this. It's jarring to hear such a hot girl using internet terms like "simp" and "incel". But as I said she just needs to get job in the service industry, go to a club and let some Chad fuck her brains out so she can forget her old bf and shel'll be fine.

>go to a club and let some Chad fuck her brains out so she can forget her old bf and shel'll be fine.

imagine unironically thinking this would be good for her

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>go to a club and let some Chad fuck her brains out so she can forget her old bf and shel'll be fine.
SHUT THE FUCK UP SHE MUST STAY PURE

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based
cringe

just ask her follow request

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>she's going to start streaming on twitch
more like millionaire in a few months

she has mentioned in one of her previous livestreams how she has been getting blasted on alcohol with her girlfriend in norf pubs. she's just the average slag mate

What's her insta sir? looking at her face makes me a little happier

Dude, she really does. What the fuck

for some reasons, I wanted to see her life to totally falling apart.
or maybe at least that she encountered a complicated problem that I could enjoy listened to her rant.

I just want real life documentary lol

>pretty cute
okay okay I like that
>brown hair
yeah that’s right
>bangs
Oh you fucking tease please no more
>headband
FUCKING STOPPPP MY DICK CAN ONLY GET SO ERECT

I know picturing your waifu getting dicked down good is uncomfortable. But you'll have to deal with it anons.

Never saw myself as a good writer, but I'll give it a try.
There was something forced about the way she looked at me, perhaps it's the way she was smiling, but if that smile wasn't the most fantastic thing I'd seen in a long time. She had the visage of someone who'd care for you, who'd trust you no matter what. Not like a mother, but instead a lover. When I stared into her deep grey eyes I could almost feel myself fall into them, the way they seemed to gaze into my heart lit the fires of my soul. I was paralyzed for the moment, no experience could be likened to this, pure love.

where is vocaroo bro when you need him ?

Multiple takes and definite angles, it wasn't her first time taking pictures. She forgone the make up and hair styling, a natural beauty you'd think, but similar to the galleons sailing in the ocean frames, her true self and outer image didn't match. There is no hiding that she's a whore.

I would wager her feet smell pretty good

looks like it's just weird lightening

>go to a club and let some Chad fuck her brains out so she can forget her old bf and shel'll be fine
I know some girls who went through phases where they'd get dicked down by like 10 or so random different guys over the course of a couple months to cope with mental shit and they ended up not any better off mentally but now they also have to live with the fact that they had a phase where they would fuck anything with a pulse.

i'm checking this thread every now and then for critique. god damn it Yea Forums you speak of anti-degeneracy, but here you are, shitposting about smelling her feet and waifus getting dicked on. at the /very/ least you could write some prose of it, instead of just whine-blogging on an anonymous platform

>wasn't her first time taking pictures

no fucking shit. are you saying anything?

>forgone the make up and hair styling

are you blind?

>similar to the galleons sailing in the ocean frames, her true self and outer image didn't match.

this analogy makes no sense

>There is no hiding that she's a whore.

....and then? also you are jumping to conclusions

>but if that smile wasn't the most fantastic thing I'd seen in a long time.

if this statement were true, you would have a lot more to say about it than just "wow so pretti"

>feel myself fall into them

using "fall" here is quite a cliche, which is poor form because you are overloading a single word with a lot of meaning, which is already over-used

>I was paralyzed for the moment, no experience could be likened to this, pure love.

sir i want you to write this sentence down on a piece of paper, and come back to it several weeks later

even this fucking guy is writing better than at least 70% of you guys. there is narrative progression, clear imagery and laser-precision; this guy has everything

writing is fine, but i'm not convinced that you actually believe in anything you are writing. this is an issue if you want anyone to treat you seriously.

not commenting on your quality of writing, but maybe you can write something larger / keep a journal. up to you.

that's not very responsible is it

this is ok-ay but it's so generic you can literally copy-paste this to any other picture online of a girl

it's because its powerful, if done well

first impression was: she must have a very slim neck

this is quite good and if you wrote it on the spot then you are powerful, though i wonder if "chores" should have been "shores" instead but maybe i am missing something

this is nice, but it also smells of social-awkwardness. doing so has its own redeeming qualities, but also needs more "human-ness" than just an anonymous character

The fact that she spent so much time and positions herself in front of lighting and from good angles shows that she's a fucking an online sket who spends half her day trying to get the perfect image. And look at the fucking boats you retarded they're sailing in different directions. Her hair isn't style and she has minimal make up, tryna make herself appear casual and innocent.

instagram.com/hannahr.l/

Attached: 31401148_196323537666537_6014522672031989760_n.jpg (640x640, 55K)

OOGA BOOGA GIT DAT PUSSY

i assume you are this guy galleons sailing in different directions is quite a leap of an analogy to make when addressing inner-self/outer-self. this should be obvious so i won't elaborate further.

>The fact that she spent so much time and positions herself in front of lighting and from good angles shows that she's a fucking an online sket who spends half her day trying to get the perfect image.

well why didn't you say so? this sentence right here has actual content and insightful analysis, unlike the prose before it. and clearly you've noticed something that contradicts the "She forgone the make up and hair styling" narrative, but instead of elaborating on it the apparent contradiction, you decided that either 1. your readers are idiots and won't notice 2. you can bullshit yourself into believing something you don't believe in

>maybe you can keep a journal

Attached: unnamed.jpg (512x288, 53K)

I don't think the galleons are a far stretch. They are both sailing in the same sea, except one is going in the opposite direction, inspite of the ocean current and the wind, one of the galleons sails in the wrong direction. So while one part of her is logical and true, the other is absurd and hideous.
I wasn't implying any of those things, I was just pointing at the hypocrisy in that picture, she's obviously trying to make herself appear simple but fails at it. I was simple pointing at that hypocrisy but I can't say I did it efficiently.

Her specious beauty belied a spiritual dearth that only continued to gape and metastisise as she desperately elicited and received validation from lesser men of equal heavenly ignorance.

you can just do it whenever/if-ever you feel like it; its better to keep some integrity to it than to do a poor job at it; but what might be worse is to not do it at all

go back and read any text that you think has a good analogy/extended metaphor. my guess is that there will be a very smooth segue from the very subject at hand to the metaphoric vocabulary being utilized, such that the intended meaning is clear.

if not i suspect that you spent too much time doing ~critical theory~ or ~literary analysis~ such that you read too much into the text to see what your instructor/critic wants you to read.

regarding your text about the galleons, its a subjective thing i guess, but i do not think that anyone will agree that it is a good analogy. how would divergent directions imply inner/outer dysfunction? the keyword here is inner/outer

most critically, keep in mind that your reader doesn't/shouldn't/won't have access to the image itself, so you need to spell out anything that the reader needs to know. but so what about the galleons sailing in the ocean frames? you didn't describe them at all, and you spent exactly zero words on how the pictures as an analogy applies to her mental state.

and then you tacked on "inner/outer disunity" to "she's a whore" at the very end of your sentence. where did that come from?

>I was simple pointing at that hypocrisy but I can't say I did it efficiently.

your prose didn't mention anything about hypocrisy asides from a poorly ascribed metaphor, which does nothing to describe the actuality of the picture/subject at hand.

the sentence i cited in my above reply quickly and precisely points towards the very content of contradiction, but only with the additional context of your prose above. you should combine it somehow if you want to actually say something interesting

also you may /think/ that applying makeup or applying very little makeup to look as if you don't have any on is hypocritical, but to many it is not. if you think it is, you need to persuade your audience, or at least demonstrate a certain degree of contradiction

go on..... there's no point in writing if you're only going to put the tip in

Not unlike a black hole, her vacuous glamour had surely consumed the light and naivety of the most earnest of young men, leaving a shell to be shucked away like the peel of a fruit. One should not be considered a misanthrope or a cynic for believing such beauty to be a curse - a burden to be foisted upon those unlucky enough to be born with Stygian beauty but without the savoir faire needed to spare those that would undoubtedly find themselves further embroiled in the labyrinth that are her charms. I cannot bring myself to blame or hate her the same way I could not bring myself to hate a crying infant. They are only doing what is in their nature, what they have been conditioned and rewarded for their entire lives.

i thought your first segment was good/better partially because it was more self-contained and had a nice rhythm to it ("lesser men of equal
heavenly ignorance" (i would get rid of "equal", but i can also see why it should be there))

im being very annoying/harsh, but a common issue i see in Yea Forums writers is that there is a certain obsession with big words / literary devices / ~textual beauty~ before addressing the actual issue, which is trying to write *something with content*

your text is somewhat better than the stereotype i've described above because you at least know how to wield the device, but if you read the text as a person who has no understanding of textual aesthetics, then you'll realize that not much *content* is actually being said. ofc there is a place for that kind of stuff, but i think you need a balance/both

this could be better if you would actually expand on your obsessions, otherwise they aren't obsessions.

this was fine until "master race", not even bc "obvious reasons" but because its such a turn of events that makes no sense

this text has a nice vibe for some reason

ohh this was an okay read. if i had to be a dick about it, it kinda overstayed its welcome

good.

i doubt you can do it, but if you continue this paragraph with the same gusto you would have something very impressive

okay but the content/word-count ratio is low

ha ha ha, whoo whoo whooo!
this text is, vair - ree guuuuuud!

a bit better than average i guess, and nice content/wordcount ratio

decent content but you waste your words

no passion

U right. Thanks for the feedback.

Her face was angular, pointed chin, sloping eyebrows, a neck that tapered as it met her head. Her long, brown hair was held by a thin maroon hairband and her sense of style was somewhere between a farmer and a 1950s housewife.

thanks user
your encouragement is helpful in my other endeavors
had to look this up, then went back over it and realized you're right. bit fuckin wordy to get the point, eh?

French Jew. Probably frequents a lot of cafes.

How can you look at this picture and not think more about the eyes? The eyes and the mouth go together in the most succulent promise. I liked that her neck tapered as it met her head and the bit about her sense of style.

She had the kjnd of face you could fuck with your dick.
You know the kind.
She had a mouth.

turn this into a haiku and you're onto something

She's an Anglo from Northern England

youtube.com/watch?v=OdRDC29hTtg

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I think she's from Manchester.
Does anybody has a better guess where she's from?

i think she is from a small town.

if she was from a big town, she would have gathered too much attention if she posts stuff like that online