Daydream about giving interviews about the meaning of my works

>daydream about giving interviews about the meaning of my works
>daydream about the interviewer announcing "and now, user, it seems that you're also working on a film that's unrelated to your work, tell us about that"
>"yeah you see, my influences aren't only from shakespeare, the russian symbolists or the romantics, i also really love Buñuel and Tarkovsky..."
>daydream about cute girls who ignored me watching me on tv as a high status intellectual
>"damn i went to school with this guy, if only i had noticed him before..."
>"daydream about cute girls from the past approaching me and saying "a-user! we used to go to school together, do you remember me? i'm stacy!"
>oh, stacy? hmm, i'm sorry but i don't really remember your name or your face, i went to school with so many people, you know..."
>in truth, i actually remember every single interaction i've had with her
>"try to remember, i was friends with becky and chad" she says
>hmm, no i still can't remember, stacy. anyway, i'm sorry but i have to go, i'm on a hurry to write, you know. now i'm a famous author and the publishing industry is no joke, they're driving me crazy with all these deadlines! i miss the schooldays where i didn't have this kind of weight on my shoulders, you know, millions of readers eager to read my classics, haha! see you around, stacy, sorry for my bad memory!"
>i say, leaving on a hurry, heart trembling right under my skin, and dopamine flooding my brain
>"i-i m-made it" i think to myself.
>i suicide the very next day because i understand that you should quit life while you're at the top, to be remembered with glory

i daydream things like this on repeat, every single day. am i a retard? what are some books that will make me wake up and live real life?

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This is what everyone on this board daydream about, but it is not something you say aloud, user.

you have to imagine that the person who receives that attention is desensitized to it. They don't appreciate it or want it so much as just desire to maintain it.
The wanting is the truly enjoyable part.
infinite jest has a bit about this.

I go through cycles of doing this as well, last time I posted it here though some user went apeshit, called me a narcissistic asshole pseud, and derailed the thread.

Personally I daydream about becoming a king or warlord of a certain mountainous third world country, I actually think about this exact place very often. I have quite a good understanding of the problems they have, the local tribes and their relations to one another (feuds, histories, etc.) and I think about the specific infrastructure issues they deal with and how I could gain the respect and love of these people by fixing them. I have been reading up on the military capabilities of this country and of their neighbours who are hoarding certain resources and access that the economy of this country would benefit inestimably from.
I've never been there before, but I will finally get to visit for the first time next summer for four weeks, pretty /hype/ 2bh.
Going to walk the streets, try the local cuisine and see how the people of this land respond to foreigners like me.

there's a very good chance you'll come back with a stab in the stomach, and an infection, but the thought itself is pretty noble. i hope things go alright, user

I appreciate and admire your honesty

>day dream of working at a university teaching English
>an older man, a bit of an eccentric, various works published
>a father of 6 children, the youngest being 20 and the only one of my children to go off the rails, she is currently addicted to methamphetamines while my wife and I raise her 3 year old daughter
>this is in the middle of me writing what will become my magnum opus, I spent my time in my study
>oldest son is on the national test cricket team, I am largely outside the public eye however several of the more well read commentators have read my works and are familiar with me, occasionally mention me in reference to him while he is batting
>during this time a young student catches my eye, she sits at the front of all my classes
>I have been an upstanding husband and father thus far however I make a terrible mistake this late in my life and begin an affair with her
>this comes out in the wash when my youngest daughter ends up ODing after I yell at her one hour night when she shows up at our door trying to take her daughter
>my wife blames me for the death of our daughter, and we separate due to the affair
>I move across the country to heal and live briefly with my best friend and his wife, who are sympathetic toward me
It's pretty elaborate. Don't know why it took such a soap opera turn, but I have a boring job and a lot of time to think up austic fantasies. I'm trying to stop.

>he imagines himself as an up and coming actor in Hollywood who has starred in several independent, "kino" films that year
>a small group of posters on Yea Forums have even begun to use the phrase "our guy" although he is not that popular yet
>he is invited to the Oscars in this capacity, nominated for best supporting actor in a small role which he is not expected to win
>there is one moment when a popular actress takes to the stage and during her acceptance speech she makes many broad and left-wing statements that draw a lot of easy applause from the audience
>the shot lingers on him, who would be listening respectfully, however not showing any false signs of interest and when the rest of the audience claps, he politely claps along, unmoved by the speech
>his reaction is then captured as a webm and posted in many threads wherein anons all reply to the post with things such as "BASED"

I do daydream about interviews too, although I use the question and answers to improve my work, so it's not purely mental masturbation. Say the qt interviewer in my head asks me about a certain character or scene, and if I don't have a satisfying answer, I know I need to work on that.

Just get away from the cringy "revenge of a genius and now they appreciate me - shit" and focus on your work.