Realising my english will never be as good as native speakers

>realising my english will never be as good as native speakers
>even if I work on it to be, it'll be at the cost of messing up my own native language
>tfw I want to be equally good at both, but then I'll just end up being mediocre at both.

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Your English seems fine to me.

just 'fine' isn't enough. I have writing ambitions.

then start writing instead of whining on Yea Forums

1. Native english speakers can barely speak english
2. Half of fluency is in proper pronunciation, studying the IPA for a few weeks and practicing the proper tongue positions for common words goes a long way in understanding all aspects of the language
3.

Read Joseph Conrad. Had english as his third language.

Nah man. Many ESL speak better than some natives. However, your knowledge of the language will correspond to your needs pertaining to it.

That is, if you use to talk about physics, your English will fare better in the domain of physics. If you use it to write stories, it will encapsulate the genre and ambient in which your stories take place.

I obsessively need to practice a language to become writing-tier good at it. And when I do, I can't take back the same proficiency to native lang. Every sentence I try to write, speak in native, it comes out a weird mixture of two languages. Humans aren't meant to be bi or multilingual.

Nabokov.

Read opinions of Russians about Nabokov. His Russian prose isn't even half as good as his English.

You're a retard, then. Better not be a writer.

user, most so-called native English speakers literally speak like niggers. Especially Americans. If you come from a Germanic or a Romance background you can easily beat them at their own game.

In writing or speech? Because it's not difficult to be better than the average native in writing, especially in english. Speech is much more difficult, even if your phonetic skills are top notch.

>not wanting to write in your native to be the pioneer of a new wave of literature that you inspired

writing mostly, but when I will give interviews about my bestseller book, it'll be embarrassing to have a crippled fluency

>realising my english will never be as good as native speakers

Wrong. I'm a fucking rusky and I can speak english on the same level as natives (with a proper british accent, mind you), and whenever I reveal my background to the unsuspecting britbongs they lose their shite.
'Fookin' what? Realleh? Yer a rusky, eh? Well say sommet in Rooshian then you daft cunt. Ye sounds like a fookin' southerna to me, alright.'

Don't fret, my friend. Once you grasp the basics of English it's only a matter of dedication and some persistence.
I remember, I spent one summer of my life speaking nothing but English. I did not utter a single word in Russian.

Also, the entire thing took me about three-four years of daily practice. Which is very short, really.

I've also started writing in English recently and people could genuinely not believe that my short passages were written by a non-native speaker.

Everything is possible, user. Your only limit is yourself. Just keep that in your mind.
If some rusky peasant boy managed to achieve this level of proficiency in English, so can you.

It’s ok user, you’re bilingual, you’re already one-step ahead on the path of life. Keep working on both, I’m so proud of you

My English is better than that of most English speakers and I don't even actively work on it. Just give it time and read.

>it'll be embarrassing to have a crippled fluency
Just make scripted interviews like Nabokov where you can prepare the answers beforehand.

>even if I work on it to be, it'll be at the cost of messing up my own native language
This isn't true at all. Learning a foreign language will improve your ability to speak and write clearly in your own language. Most of the great writers in history knew several languages. Monolinguals almost never make it as great writers.

^in addition to this there are many non-natives who are able to express their thoughts better than the natives themselves. I work with English-speaking clients and every time I keep reading
'their' instead of 'there' or vice versa, 'loose' instead of 'lose', 'should of/could of' instead of 'should've/could've'. Natives make tons of mistakes themselves. There are many who can barely speak English and you confuse them for foreigners.

So yes, just take your time, read as much as you can, write as much as you can and you will achieve your goal. Trust me.

sounds exactly like what I'm aiming.
>the entire thing took me about three-four years of daily practice
How did you practice exactly? Is it like standing in front of mirror and having a conversation with yourself?
Also, did you experience your native proficiency getting deteriorated, atleast not mixing up with english? If no, how did you balance it?

this, OP.
>Learning a foreign language will improve your ability to speak and write clearly in your own language
I found this fascinating to be honest. When you learn a second language, it's like having blueprint of your native language in front of you. I don't know how this happens