>be me
>go to bookstore for kierkegaard book
>greeted by cashier as i walk through the door
>dont even look at them and rush to philosophy section
>human creature already there
>awkwardly squeeze by them
>pretend to be really interested in the psychology section
>really just waiting for them to leave so i can browse the philosophy books in peace
>employee walks by
>"finding everything okay, sir?"
>sweating, want to vomit
>fear_and_trembling.pdf
>manage to mutter out, "yeah..." not even looking at them
>creature finally leaves
>look for a while, decide to get either/or
>go to checkout, place book on counter
>muttering anime theme songs to myself as i akwardly dig into my pocket for a wad of cash
>"some interesting stuff you got here"
>dont even respond
>"JUST SCAN THE FUCKING BOOK," i think
>"are you interesting in getting a membership with us, you could save up to 40% on future purchases"
>"n-no thank you"
>get change
>try to stuff it into my pocket but i drop it
>awkwardly scurry around on the floor trying to find my money
>everyone is looking at me
>the height of despair
>my god my god why hast thou forsaken me
>pick up change and run out of store and get into car
>break out into tears, screaming at self for being so autistic
>people still looking at me
>quickly drive off hoping i get in an accident and die
Be me
>be me
>used to be op
>discovered Amazon
Pretty good, I especially liked "fear_and_trembling.pdf". A true patrician would have quoted "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" though
Do you need a hug, OP?
what's a hug
I'll show you.
Seems to me that you're not even reading for interest or wisdom anymore but just to cope
Don't let him, OP, he wants to touch your special area.
You're overthinking everything
No one gives a shit, 2 minutes later you're out of sight out of mind. How often do to think about other people? Not so much time spent doing that everyone's occupied with themselves
I only want to touch his heart.
i dont know who to believe anymore
You care about what people think about you, which is surprisingly astonishing for someone who is into philosophy it seems, enjoy your own personal hell, friend.
I really hope this story isn't true. I know how it feels to have anxiety, hope you can overcome it.
I wouldn't lie to you.
it's based on real events
For free
I used to be like you, I still am to a certain extent but you just have to stop caring. I still have little anxieties when in public but I just focus on what I'm doing. When people go up to me ask a question or whatever I still can't really look at them when I respond but I just remember that all I am to them is a shy dude going about his life. And that all they think of me for all of 15 seconds after they leave before they forget I exist and you just have to go about everything like that. It's not like your relationship with the random people you see in public affects your life anyway.
Holy shit OP, I bought a big black copy of Mein Kampf from an old Jewish lady at the used bookstore with less anxiety than this.
Go fuck yourself, man.
how do i be like you
It's not because I'm incredibly confident. I just wanted to get my hands on a cheap copy, and even my university's massive library didn't have a copy (and I guarantee you it's not because they couldn't find a copy). I saw it at this book store for 12 bucks and got excited, didn't see the woman's star of David necklace until it was already too late. I figure if they didn't want people to buy a book, they wouldn't be selling it. I still go to that store.
Just go out and do it. Pretend like nobody else is around. Obviously don't have a total lack of awareness and bump into people or whatever. Maybe have some headphones and music if you think that would help.
This mindset only works if your a neurotypical. We autists who overthink everything think about other people's actions constantly, that's why we are so self-conscious.
Would it help if I held your hand?
Sure we can hold hands and go to the bookstore. No homo tho.
Of course. It's not gay to help a fren, right?
I think about myself all the time so it's only natural to assume others do as well.