Short Stories Thread

Quentin Tarantino. I didn't go to book school. I went to books.

I appreciate your criticism. This is not a criticism thread. But I appreciate your criticism. I will now offer some criticism of my own.

Your critiques are shallow and vague. They are not constructive. 99% of what you said can be summarized as "I did not like this aspect because I do not like it. It is (insert negative adjective like "unconvincing" or "artificial.") What you should do instead is describe why things do not work. You tried to do this when you tackled the ending of my story. But what you did not know is that the ending was stylistically designed to be melodramatic and sappy to contrast with the previous horror. It was an homage to Stephen King.

I will not say anymore. I do not want to appear butthurt. Let me just tell you that I hate commas too. Tyler Durden is a very realistic and distinguished character. Hemingway is a great writer. I read him in high school. The teachers all genuflected toward him.

I sincerely hope you're being ironic.

I know we might not like murakami, but I unironically love "UFO in Kushiro".

Here's a link to read it for free:

newyorker.com/magazine/2011/03/28/u-f-o-in-kushiro-haruki-murakami

holy cringe if you are being unironic, ironic 10/10

>I sincerely
I doubt that.

I'll read it. I was hoping more people would post their own original stories.

>I will now offer criticism of my own
What's the point of doing him, making him a better critic? Why the fuck would you rebuke him if not for being butthurt, if not because you are butthurt? It makes absolutely no sense to criticize criticism: you are the one writing the stories, disagreeing with criticism is the most useless thing you can do, considered that at the end of the day you are going to decide what to write.

Contrarily to him, I dislike the story a lot, it's amateurish, badly written and solely relies on dialogue. This is a scene and it's clearly written using television and movies as models instead of real life. Here are some examples of exchanges you'll never hear in real life but may have heard in tv:
>"Jack. Oh Jack!"
>"cancer of the breast" for "breast cancer"
>"I'm at a loss of words" for "I'm speechless" (or silence, which is what speechless people do in real life)
The characters criticism is also true: there are no characters whatsoever, the only thing that looks like adding a little bit of depth is when you talk about the teacher's glasses and the 70s and the abba's song. Jack is as flat as his name, as is everyone else around him - which could have been fine, if it was at least compensated by presenting the teacher as the focus and actually deeper character of the two.
Also, the reason why I say this is not a story but a scene, is that, really: this is just one guy being burnt in a car. There is no subtext whatsoever, which could be acceptable if this was at least compensated by an engaging plot where there is something to discover, but that she wants to kill him is absolutely predictable from the moment you talk about plastic wrapped around the seats and that she wants to kill him with gasoline becomes immediately clear when he talks about smell.
Also: how the fuck did he not notice gasoline smell by stepping in the car, and he notices only at a certain point? How does gasoline works in this universe? Does it start smelling only when it is convenient for the plot? Did she keep it in her ass and farted it out when she decided it was time to burn?
And to conclude: the poem is ugly, formless, and writing in capitals is universally derided as childish in the writing world. Editors laugh at caps lock, when it's not acronyms: it's a cheap way of conveying a character's tone of voice or emotions without really writing what that tone or emotions are. It shows lazyiness and a lack of capability in describing, which, let me tell you, is the basis of writing good stuff.
Go to books more.

I'm going to guess this is yours. Did you post it as an image because you were afraid of it getting stolen, Collin? It won't.

>I'm not sure what you mean by this.
Family guy reference. Peter states he doesn't care for the godfather, but then confesses he only made it halfway through. A reference to anons in the crit thread not bothering to read through user's post in .

Nice post. I didn't read it :^)

lol. Go outside and lose some weight, fatty!

The Family Guy reference a pretty common meme used for all platitudinous empty criticisms.

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>all of his stories end with something bursting into flames
>as do his threads

I can't wait until you go crazy and stab your girlfriend to death. She deserves it and you deserve to be in a padded cell.

Get a life.

Sorry user, you got the wrong guy.

The Deciduous Era

"I... will... never... climb-that-tree." said Theoronal
"You will climb that tree." said Theoronal

Theoronal climbed the tree.
Theoronal was so high up.

"Lick that leaf," Theoronal said.
"I will not. I would never lick that," said Theoronal as his tongue slowly made its way along the veined surface of the leaf.

"See that woman down there?" asked Theoronal.
"No, what woman? The one with the wig?" Theoronal asked.
"No. Say something to her." said Theoronal.
"Hey you!" Theoronal called down to the lady.

The lady continued to walk while she talked on a cell phone; Theoronal sat in the tree and laughed pretty hard.

Want to talk on discord, Miles?

discord gg/ezWWtU

You wouldn't be fishing for a username if you thought you knew who I was, user. I only know your name because you posted it in your fanfic.net image.

Collin, you're glib.

It was nice speaking with you, fatty. Enjoy your desolate existence in that dense wood. I hope you can out-run your man-cow of a husband when he comes sprinting at you with knives akimbo.

>How does gasoline works in this universe? Does it start smelling only when it is convenient for the plot?

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I skimmed through your post while I was talking to your friend on discord. All of your questions are stupid and nitpicky.

He smells the gasoline but doesn't comment on it. He's just come in from outside.

The teacher's choice of words are odd because she is fucking insane. "Oh, Jack!" is meant to make her sound like she's a character out of a soap opera. HER existence is informed by media. That is why she uses flowery language like "cancer of the breast." I point out that she's doing this by having Jack repeat her in monotone, "Cancer of the breast."

This is fucking stupid. I didn't read any more after that because responding to any of this childish bullshit would just make me look defensive. And there's no need to defend myself from a spiteful loser like you.

Either a shit edit or proxies. Or a dynamic IP.

>doing this would make me look butthurt. Doing that would make me look defensive
I suppose that by half-doing it, you shown us how you are only half-butthurt and half-defensive

You are the CinemaSins of Yea Forumscrit. You gish-gallop a bunch of inane bullshit and then call people stupid and insecure for trying to defend the work you're so inelegantly shitting on with your cynical and spiteful invectives. Fuck you. Why don't you work on drawing something that isn't wonky anime shit, you fat, talentless fucking trust fund faggot? Which characters and plot points should and shouldn't exist in a written medium is largely a subjective matter, but the characters you draw all look like they have DOWNS SYNDROME and that is an OBJECTIVE FACT!

KYS.

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Criticizing criticism is the mark of the insecure person because there is absolutely no point in doing that. You are not forced to follow any of what I or the other guy said. The only reason for you to rebuke is is you being indeed butthurt, insecure, and defensive. A confident, non-defensive, civilized person, would say something like this to whoever gave them feedback on a story:
>Thank you for bothering reading my material and having dedicated part of your free time to give me advice on how to do something better. Nonetheless, I disagree with you on most things, and will keep doing as I like.

You don't even need to say what you don't like. Literally keep writing your shitty short cinema scenes by yourself, idiot. What do you hope to achieve by rebuking critics? You think I'll start liking your sequence of badly written tv tropes? You think I'll change my mind? What is the point, there, exactly, beside being butthurt, insecure and defensive?

>Criticizing criticism is the mark of the insecure person
You wanna talk about insecurities, fatass?

How about creating multiple separate identities in a thread to white knight you like an estrogenated attention seeker? How about getting your piggy girlfriend to white knight you on the Internet? You are a pathetic schlub. The only reason you're writing walls of text on here is to break other people down because you know you can't create anything yourself.

That's why you'll be drawing shitty anime caricatures until you die. In an ideal world, you would starve to death with all the other California hopefuls who went out to the west to make something of themselves. The only reason you're allowed to stay alive is because you can parasitize off your daddy, you Internet-dwelling man-child.

GOODNIGHT, FOOL!

Courtney thinks you're hot

>I didn't go to book school. I went to books.

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Well this put me off from ever posting any of my shit. You guys are somehow worse than my college workshops.

im not sure what's going on in this thread but next time post your work in the critique threads
but don't expect anyone to critique a particularly long piece of writing. the more time it takes someone to read your post the less likely they are to read it
Yea Forums isn't the best place to get critique for longer works even if they are short stories

Good. Crit threads have way more work than criticism posted in them as is. I'd rather people who valued their college workshops posted.

I'd value the workshops if the actual critiques weren't "This reminded me of "

Anyone read Bullet in the Brain by Tobias Wolff? Very interesting use of flash devices to create a short work that still carries a lot of meaning. Absolute unit of a main character.

Read it in college. It was nice.