Write the worst opening sentence you can and do it NOW

Feeble little negro boy made a big sad when he got the big slap.

His skin was darker than the night sky but she loved him nonetheless.

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All of a sudden, it was dawn.

"oooh squeal piggy," he barked into the night, coffee colored testicles slapping rythmically upon the hairless buttocks of timmy the white boy gimp slave, "squeal piggy squeal!"

I loved him with the kind of love that made little boys nauseous.

mommy, me make a poopee and I need a good clean wipe

It was the beginning of spring, and I only knew this because my hay fever was so bad that i was rubbing my eyes with the intensity of a cat licking its balls.

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man.

My sweet little whorish Nora

The boughs were swaying with a rhythm autistical, and the hair stood on my neck as I sipped the drink that had been resting chill in my hand for some minutes now; was it champagne? or ambrosia?

"Zis is se best soft drink I have had en, like, forevahr!" Professor Lafayette swooned as he downed the can of Coca-Cola I had given him to try for the first time in America, because in France things weren't the same as they were here and the Professor would tell me as much in the coming nights as things got really heated, but for now we just drank Coca-Cola till our bellies were full and our thirsts quenched and pronounced a simultaneous aaahhhh as we finished each can of the sweet nectar.

Disclaimer: I do not own any character from Death Note, Steven Universe, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog, Supernatural, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Pokémon, Dragon Ball, Digimon, Ben Ten, Codename: Kids Next Door, Johnny Bravo, Rocko’s Modern Life, Camp Lazlo, Quantum Leap, The Tingleverse, MacGyver, Ghost in the Shell, My Little Pony, Teen Titans, Duck Tales, Animaniacs, Devilman, Sailor Moon, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Trigun, Studio Ghibli, Fullmetal Alchemist, or “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

Here's my Knight Rider/Northern Exposure/Steven Universe/Doctor Who crossover, please favorite and comment!!

It was a dark and stormy night.

kek

'Twas a dark and stormy night.

Fuck you

Fags... I hate fags... I'm sick of trannies and gay niggers and the white whores who enable them.... is what I will say one summer morning to my tradcath wife after a night of boisterous fucking after we've already been married--like marriage even means anything now that they allow fag marriages in the states--but for now the story starts with me jerking off with a hot camgirl in a private session I paid her for and talking about snot and boogers; pimples and piss; and I'm watching her shit out her arse and through the power of modern science I transport my atoms to her anus and I eat up all her gooey shit and puke it back up in her face and she sucks my cock till I cum blood... well, you get the picture.

I saw your comment and I didn't think "Fuck you", I thought "huh, it's cool how a somewhat shared cultural background can result in thinking the same thing at the same time."

I play pokemon go everyday. I play pokemon go.

I saw her comment and I didn't think "Fuck you", I thought "huh, it's cool how a somewhat shared cultural background can result in thinking the same thing at the same time... marriage material? I think yes."

Would read

OP said worst, not greatest of all time

"Oi 'ats a bruh moment 'ight dere".

You two can share being lowbrow enough to post that line

I haven't pooped in 43 days.

Candy was dresses to the nines whilst the sky seemed to shone purple. As she wandered into the night her dematerialised, or seems to, blended with evening and only her alabaster shoulders and pale pink main floated to (actually away) from mine eyes. Come back, you lovely angel, I think emphatically. Shall I see you again? In Dreams by Roy Orbison plays in my mind coating my thoughts.

call me ishmael

I inspected my asshole in the bathroom mirror. "Uh, mom, dad... you need to see this."

As I kissed my thick white wife at the front door before heading to work, I felt a twinge of jealously coupled with mild arousal as Tyrone made his way down the stairs in nothing but a towel, the sillouhette of his erection visible, and grabbed her from behind and kissed her on the cheek. "Hab a nice day massa," he said, his smile as wide as a melon slice.

She was purple as a piccolo, blue as a basson, white as the white whale of Moby Dick fame, in a word she was the rainbow after the flood God presented to Noah spread eagle in the clouds.

What are you talking about? This is a fantastic first line.

The alarm clock hummmmmmedd, it hummmmmmmmeeeeddddddddddddddddddddd, it hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.meeeeeeddddddddddddddddddd. I hate Mondays.

It's from my diary desu

It was a stormy and dark night.

what the fuck is that thing

*SSNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED*

Snneeeeeeeeed...oh yes my dear....Snnnneeeeeeeeeed....quite Seedy indeed...is that....dare I say....Snnnnneeeeeeed...a fancy German car I smell?......Sneed Sneed....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....Sneed....quite Guatemalan very much so .....Snnneeeeeeeeeeeed....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....Gummy Bears.....quite soft my Chuck....Sneed...but of yes...this will do nicely....Sneed.....please my Chuck....another if you please....nice a big now....

*SSSSNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED*

Oh yes...very good!....very Fucky and Sucky my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of Seed I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the Sneed my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of Gummy Bear my Chuck....ah yes....let me guess...Seed for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for Sneed.....Snnnneeeeeed.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well Gummy Bears......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....Sugar and Food Coloring I take it my Chuck?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

*SNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED*

Oh I was not expecting that…that little Sneed my Chuck….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small Sneed…..Sneed…ah….Snnnneeeeeeeeeeed…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….Sneed Sneed…hmmm….is that….Sneed….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…Sneed….a little Sneed more if you please…..Snnneeeeeeed…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my Chuck…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…Sneed….the most Sneedy one yet my dear….Snnnneeeeeeeeeeeed….yes

The and then the out my words come and so forth.

My light, my love

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This is pretty bad

Once upon a time [insert any scenerio].

>not getting all the product placement your publisher requires out of the way in the first chapter

Once upon a time I wasn't a bad guy, but, well, the times they are a-changin.

“Jack Torrance thought: Officious little prick.”

this book was brought to you by squarespace

lmao

He rolled back his foreskin, the stench made his mother shudder with horrified delight.

good job!

>Hmmm... Well... Hello... Is this thing on...?

It was the fattest vape I'd ever pulled, like Hollywood smokescreen for my mobility scooter as I brought traffic to a standstill on La Cienega.

It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of TIMES?!

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Any opening sentence with ellipses...god I hate ellipses so much...

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Well... well fuck, haha
I mean, I just don't know what to say
I'm very glad to be here with you tonight
I'll be able to talk to you about some things...
That I know a great deal about
Everyone knows that you are fucked up
And everyone knows that I am fucked up
But, does everyone know
That you are more fucked up than me?
Well, I know that
And you know that
But our purpose is to tell everyone that
Take for instance the time
You went to the bathroom, to take a shower
You had soap, you had a towel, shampoo, washcloth, a brush
Everything was set
But you had to call me to come turn on the water for you
You didn't know where or how
That is one instance of how fucked up you are
A second instance of how fucked up you are:
You was going to cook you some breakfast
Well you went in there
And you put some toast in the toaster
Put a skillet on the stove, some grease in it
You got you some eggs out, some bacon
Poured you some orange juice and made you some coffee
Got some jelly and some butter, fried eggs, salt
Pepper, got the bacon on the grill...
Everything was fine -- except for one thing
You had to call me in there... to show you how to use a fork
Now a third instance, the way you're fucked up:
You got dressed, ready to go to school
Everything was fine. Went outside, got in your car
Key in the ignition
Except for one thing
You had to call me to come show you...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies.

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go back
How original of you.

[insert intro to lolita here]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten digits in total extended from both of my hands in the opposite direction of my arms.

>both of my
both* my

They say a man who desires not company be either beast or God...I shun company, and I see no beast here...

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

this is a story like many have been told before, but this time it involves alien dinosaurs and cars.

Sweaty drooping cuntflaps descend into my open mouth pouring their musky lady cum directly down my throat.

>Crash! My car slammed right through the guard rail, completely destroying it, also killing my wife.

lmfao

Once upon a time I wasn't a rapist, but, well, the times they are a-changin.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm and showered and ate breakfast.

Hey, it's the opening sentence to your life.

I call it "The script for a short film"

Or “how to get an A+” in film.

MOTHER died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure.

The alarm shrieks louder than the bitch I railed last night, and with my first breath I moan "Fuck" as the tip of my shaft is scrapped by the zipper of my camouflage shorts.

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I'm bored so I'm writing a story about this now

As I get off the bed the hotel sheets wrap me like a Greek Hero, of which prompted me to stare intensely in the mirror as a raised my hand like the Emperors of old. My underfed whore followed me like the ghoul she is and stumbled down the stairs. It is not a shock for I drugged her water, I step over her like spilled coke in the supermarket and continue my day. My portable speakers switches on with the lights and 'This Charming Man" is heard down the hallway of my overpriced Manhattan hotel.

The Mexicans slam my door as I prepare the room service from last night in the microwave requesting entrance, I deny them. I know they know I am present, but the power play of ignoring them rushes me with an immense sexual power. I am like Columbus surrounded by savage Jezebels. They leave with their cart like contraption as my ghoul whore wakes from her unconscious slumber at the foot of our staircase and interrupts me as I sing along to the aforementioned song. I toss warm salsa at her face and turned the music louder to filter her screams of confusion, anger and soon depression.

I roll a cigarette in my hand and crush it imagining it was the ghouls neck but as far as I'm concerned it is only a matter of time before hotel staff hears us Donning my Aegean Cotton "Hugo Boss" bathrobe and my lit cigarette, I make my way to the patio that overlooks a parking lot in which limousines carry the fat bottoms of bourgeoisie fancy folk and the supple, tight young bodies of teenage girls after prom. "Only a couple words can change prom into porn." I chuckle to myself as the cigarette is extinguished as I offer my ghoulish underfed whore another glass of water.

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>copied this from my old okcupid dating profile's fav things sections

FAGGOT that is PLAGIARISM

best post ITT

bump

I will be there at the same time. I will have to get back to work. I am not sure if I can make it. We are going to be in the same place as the one. Thanks again.

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.

>Ge' off me boat!
A stocky short hairy mad old man said.

2/10, doesnt pass.
At least it bothered to shave.

Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! Mom made pancakes!” or “CRASH! We decided to adopt a Golden Retriever!”

Stop reading this, close the book right now. Stop reading it stop reading this.

bad openings are a sign of undeveloped thoughts. developed ideas have somewhere to go. bad opening sentences, or few first opening sentences, are a sign that the writer is aware they are writing a story and are trying to emulate the idea of being a writer or storyteller; not only that, they are at the same time trying to convince the reader that they are reading a story. trying to force them to become engaged in an act that resembles intellectual rape, and most, the majority who dont revel in self-destruction, recoil and move on quickly after the first advance - which is the shitty opening sentence

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire.

>Thu
Would read the trilogy

My sides

I didn't expect to see Swans here.

strihc jidhhid hishc ilamc.

*record scratch* Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got into this situation.

“Hruuuuuuumph” ejaculated Winzy, as he plucked his purple toenails off his tootsie wootsies, preparing for another day as the presidents top hitman.

Upward behind the onstreaming it mooned

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...

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thanks

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nice

>butterfly is a tranny
whomst wouldve thought

I was lying on my bed, masturbating, when my boss came in my bedroom and told me I was prommoted. I cumed on his face unintentionally, but he said it was fine, then I continued to masturbating while he was waiting my response.

Only one enemy remained; two if you counted God.

I see no peen.

Please go on

"Holy... I want more," he muttered to himself while reading this sentence.

"Delicious" he hissed sexually, as he stared down his gunblade at the Princess, whose abundant chest was heaving with terror, and also it was her eighteenth birthday.

Based

Destiny was a young, beautiful, and pretty fourteen year old girl, but her life was about to change forever when she found a fairy in the woods: it was her.... Destiny.

This one wins

Get me in the screencap

...

REEEEEEE!!!!!

Look how taut her panties are.

This woman has a THICC ass dude. I'm calling it.

If the picture was taken slightly lower I assure you you would have seen a small bulge

Unironically based

Nope, thats a superb opening

This

she seems to have nice tits

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No you're a faggot

damn. pretty nice milkers desu
where are all these images coming from? is she a camwhore on the side?

God I’m gay

i have already fapped to this picture two times, maybe three.
i'll get to work on that one now

Ahhhhh! I’m cooming!

Seconded

I shot eighteen niggers last night, this morning I woke up in the back of a Toyota Land Cruiser 50 miles north of Johannesberg with ten litres of water and 500 rounds of ammunition.

M-MOMMY

She's obviously mine.

Consider this: she has spent an evening sucking on a dildo while posting here.

She should cherish those moments, simply because life is fleeting anyway. :3

did she post pics of that?

No but her replies got all short.

Sometimes she will work what she's doing into her posts. I made her walk around with no pants or panties one day and she kept making butt-related posts that were really short also.

She's cute man. Those panties are definitely awesome. :3

Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo

>ywn suck on those mammaries as she's telling you her stupid, one-sided opinions on everything, concentrating very hard on the puffy yet firm texture of her nipples in your watering mouth so you can block out her voice
lads...

Maybe Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man was the friends we made along the way.

Well done

Haha

My tombstone collapsed on my head, killing me before I was born

Damn, that's really hard to read without singing it

*scraaaatch* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, sit back, relax and get ready to enjoy, because THIS is gonna be a wild ride....

As a black man, this is a certified Mark Ruffalo moment

Very few animals can recognize themselves in the mirror. It's ok user, you're not alone.

She liked big dicks.

the nigglet woke up to the scent of what only he could only recognise as a healthy exemplar of dactylorhiza maculata a wacky looking monocot brought to you by part time physician carl von linne formerly carl linnaeus the still sleepy young lad with head full of melanine felt a feeling of dread for those bumblebee decepting thou known honey or best said nectar for me not for thee plantoids inhabitnt the kinda bloody meridian his milka choco feet clunkily clung to and he considered commiting suicide

You're going to love this. This is my normal form.

I am a forty five year old adult white male and I have just defecated in the baby pool

The interdimensional space lizards have already ruined the whole Earth, leaving the residents of the moon, the Nazis, the last remaining people alive. But little did the nazis know, captain america punched every single one of dem basdards in the face like a true american hero. This was a better hero than that of the old, as our new one is an intergalactic captain african american. Although he made the anti-fascists proud, his friends in neo-america never let him ride in the front of the public intergalactic transport, making him wonder whether he was fighting for the bad guys all along. In his last statement he is said to have said: "It is not the moon king that snubbed me but the neo-american president." Buckle up, space cadet, as we are in for a ride with our neo-american american african hero in his seeking for an adventure and eternal satisfaction for saving the galaxy, with who-knows-what gratitude in return!

I may not agree with your politics, but we can agree that this is epic.

The universe don't be like it is but it do.

WOMEN are not BASED and ALPHA enough to make MINECRAFT MUSIC PARODIES. They are only fit to make me FOOD in the KITCHEN!

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ahahahahahahahah

They were the best of pancakes, they were the worst of panc-CRASH! You stupid golden retriever!

Jon woke up from his restful slumber, his orange lover by his side and their beautiful child gestating within his plump belly.

TIFU by HAVING SEX with my wife (post-wall)

I told her that yahweh was an inadvisable thing to scream while she climaxes because only atheists use that vernacular to refer to Jehova.

The sun lit up her face, and her face lit up my heart.

I don't think that we have any insight whatsoever into our own capacity for good until we have some well-developed insight into our capacity for evil.

I wish I was Irish.

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It a’ start back in da Egypt whea we wuz kangs an beated da whipipo.

i miss the old Yea Forums

Same

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post feet plz

based yet cringe scriptfag

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were you drinking listerine for comfort?

How does he do it lads

underrated digits

Dembiri boppip dumpak duurh

Annabella-Fatima smirked her perfect, goddess smile as his ugly and burly, yet completely inferior male opponent fell dead into the ground, his head flying in an opposite direction as it was decapitated by Kitsune-Inu, the legendary katana that was Annabelle-Fatima's weapon of choice.

Fucking weird man

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