Need a tinder bio to get me laid. Something self-deprecating and slightly pretentious

There is no such thing
All human relations are sex related desu

Use this

>What does Bane want? For the moment, Bane wants to kidnap Dr. Pavel. Bane, of course, already had Dr. Pavel in his custody, but his plan to kidnap Dr. Pavel involves faking Dr. Pavel’s death at the hands of the CIA and vanishing without a trace. The only way to accomplish this, in Bane’s view, is to stage a staggeringly complicated plane-to-plane passenger transfer, complete with a blood transfusion performed while dangling inside the verticle cabin of a crippled aircraft, while trained assassins shoot at him. Bane, obviously, is, if nothing else, a daring man, who, like the Joker and Ra’s Al Ghul, has fanatical henchmen gladly willing to die for him. “The fire rises,” he says to one of his henchmen, and, to Dr. Pavel, “Now’s not the time for fear, that comes later,” tying together the themes of the Begins and Knight. He mentions nothing about ice, but that comes later.

Try this:
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Unironically this
Volcels also don't use snapchat or whatever

Have sex

Girls don't appreciate self-deprecating humor in bios
Unless you're attractive then it doesn't matter

It's probably meant as a joke, user.

Self depracating humor is gay, just saybsomething witty and stupid

"I enjoy the films of Wes Anderson"

Just be attractive, then you can write anything. My bio says "Looking for friends//if you want wine swipe right" and I get decent matches, some messages from girls.

>I have horses powers and horses ...

It's someone that wants to have sex but consciously makes decisions that make that unlikely.

I came here to fuck and read Infinite Jest and baby, I can't read

*ding ding*
ahem,
hello ladies
i disregard overseers and people of mahogany complexion. hit me up if you're looking for a good time.

*tips fedora*
hello ladies
want to pass time with a /niceguy/?
hook up with me, a true gentleman at its finest
ill show respect and be cordial

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me HARD."

Mucho gusto me llamo bradley i’m hornier than ron jeremy
And if you wanna get popped in your knee
Just wipe that look off your bati face
You hate me cause I got what you need
A pretty little daughter that we call mexi
If you wanna get beat physically, it will be over in a minute if ya
So she told me to come over and I took that trip
And then she pulled out my mushroom tip
And when it came out it went drip drip drip
I didn’t know she had that gi joe kung-fu grip

No that's what incels tell themselves when they sperg out. Someone who's volcel realises that semen is a mans life forces and would rather keep it for himself. Now that could mean he practices celibacy for spiritual reasons or is only willing to have sex (ideally tantric) with a genuine partner.

cope