Drugs

but what exactly was your mental state prior to being took in? and how could the coppers make a claim you were a psychotic at that point to take you in?

also look up terry davis

I'm convinced this over-prescribed piece of advice is given by people who live obliviously to others people constant judgement. We're constantly engaged in the process of judgement; its less likely that people DON'T think shit than people thinking shit and just trying to forget for convenience / social courtesy. But hey, I'm paranoid too I guess.

I had a marijuana induced psychotic breakdown during uni to man. Rough fuckin stuff. I was convinced the world was a game and everyone was trying to test my abilities.

I vandalized the inside of a fraternity house thinking that I was writing on the walls as a sign of genius. At the breaking point where I couldn't handle it, I called the cops on myself because I felt like my father was coming to kill me. Institutionalized for about 2 weeks I think? I couldn't really tell time. Worst part about it is that I was so well behaved and well spoken that the staff couldn't figure why I was there.

I was initially in a terrible fucking ward of the kind of psychotics that were too uneducated to do anything but shit and piss on the floor and beg for drugs. Luckily they had the hospital patient's rights posted on the wall and I actually read them, resulting in me requesting a transfer to a different ward which was attained.

Worst part is: I went right back to smoking after I was discharged because I felt like I gamed the fucking hospital. More of a chip on my shoulder. Got psychotic again, went back to that frat house and vandalized the outside in the middle of the night. Of course, I didn't think I was vandalizing it; I though I was making art (and also that I could discover a way to walk through walls). Institutionalized a second time after cops came to a trespassing complaint. Heavy anti-psychotics and sleep medication began. Flatness ensued.

I'm in a very similar lot to you, my dude, and it both hurts and comforts the heart. I feel like an alien to all things social and supposedly "intuitive". Hoping things get easier for the both of us.

I've used enough drugs to permanently harm my parasympathetic nervous system. I drool a bit.

Can you shed any light on the tweets which got you in trouble?

which frat also why didnt the bros kick your ass lmao
sorry to hear that, though. did you being “well spoken” mean more that you were consciously gaming the system? because if you were able to be lucid, why were you there? or does it mean in contrast to the other patients
also what hospital rights did you invoke to move

assuming you meant to reply to me.

I got into a facebook spat with a black girl about whether or not I had the legal right to write "my nigga" on the internet. She said I didn't, so I said "lets talk another time my nigga I got work to do" as i was mid-essay. Turns out I didn't have that right. got fined £420. Now I have a permanent criminal record for it. Bullshit really but I get why it happened.

I was in a very similar situation. I vandalised my uni house by writing "yorkshire till I die" on the wardrobe and got fined for it. lmao it was stupid but I thought it was art. like basquiat or something.

I witnessed people piss themselves and get into fights, there was one gu y who was in a wheelchair as he lost his leg to a needle infection from using. The whole ward was full of weirdos and I kinda fell into that. There was this one chap who was in there for like 30 years because he claimed he was "Too muslim" ahahaha. he just kept quoting the quran and shit but other than that seemed failry well adjusted. the UK state has gotten ahead of itself by locking poeple up "for their own good" way too much. it's pretty totalitarian. It's just weed though it's hardly a hard drug. people have this fear of the open mind and collectively engaged consciousness, I suppose.

we don't have fraternities in the UK

I'll look him up. My mental state was weird but I thought at the time I was being taken in for my political views which were heavily influenced by /pol/

Tweets? What do you mean?
I just wasn't vocal about my psychotic assumptions. Part of me thought I was there for research; I would write little observations every day like I was George Herbert Mead or something. I thought it was all a part of my climb to genius-dom. That being said, I was pretty spot on about the sedation prerogative, the reconstructive importance of play therapy, and the psychological impact of 24-hour surveillance. At least I think so.

Mask of Sanity is a good read of you want to get what I mean. Sanity is easily performable, and I think it's best understood as a performance since most of us (from what I've seen) have assumptions at the bottom of our being that would be called psychotic.

>I got into a facebook spat with a black girl about whether or not I had the legal right to write "my nigga" on the internet. She said I didn't, so I said "lets talk another time my nigga I got work to do" as i was mid-essay. Turns out I didn't have that right. got fined £420. Now I have a permanent criminal record for it. Bullshit really but I get why it happened.

holy fuck this can’t possibly be real

We're not as free as people make out are we.

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it's a hundred percent true.

I would dox myself if I posted the link to the tab article that reported on it

especially not in the uk.
I was obsessed with freedom before being admitted and thought my genius was being restrained because I was too free in a positive sense. turns out in a negative sense I was less free than most. life is a long advaitic contradiction

>I got a criminal record for a facebook post last summer
?

Lots of people in the UK get arrested for "offensive" tweets. Not sure what deems them offensive though

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yeah if you google my name the first result is an article that says "york student sent vile racist messages"

Jesus. That doesn't seem good for employment prospects. On another note, York is an amazing city. Was born there.

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Xanax, alot of Xanax, other stuff as-well like psychs(these are important), stimulants and opiates but nothing on par with my xanax binges.

As a awkward kid with anxiety issues xanax quickly became an addiction for me and those pills will suck you in before you even have a chance to realize. Everyday it was 4mg+ and I would go to school blacked out,get in trouble,my mom would get pissed etc etc. The worst part about it is you end up doing the stupidest shit will intoxicated by this drug(stealing phones,(cars), fighting) it was ridiculous. The absolute most terrible part was that, for some odd reason xanax has a tendency to give people horror dreams, not nightmares, horror dreams. I would dream about bodies getting chopped up, demons and murderers. The whole time you barely have any recollection if at all of your weeks or days only in fragments. Eventually I got tired and weened myself off. Psychs and Marihuana took over and after a heavy, very intense trip on shrooms with my friends I stopped all drug use, even weed after a week or so. I focused on school for the first time in a while, brought my GPA from a 2.3 to a 3.9 and now im enrolled at FSU. Its a great story but the experience was totally traumatic for me, a-lot of what I can remember was my mother having panic attacks and begging in-front of me to stop, I also stole from the only good friends I ever had, the only people that actually stuck with me that whole time now they want no part of me. I'm a hypochondriac now when it comes to any oddity that comes across me and although im not diagnosed and I hate to self-diagnose like a-lot of people do now-a-days downplaying mental illnesses, but i'm pretty sure after taking a few Psychology courses I have BPD or another lower level mental disorder, its stuck with me since HS but I've been living decently well besides random loops of emptiness here and there. Anyways im doing great now, i've lived enough of an experience to play it slow the rest of my life ;-)

Based and lilacpilled

holy shit dude you edited it to "my fellow beautiful black believer", that's fucking hilarious.
and I don't know why you thought it's a good idea to shitpost under your actual name, but I suppose you've learned something from the experience, probably?
also, I'd tell the UK to kill itself but I think it's on it already and doesn't need my encouragement

To your point about weed being hardly a hard drug, I will say that I don't think I would've had a psychotic break if the shit were legal. Would've taken loads of paranoia off, and the paranoia was the main thing.

Crazy about the fine though man, that shit is dystopian.

>"too free in a positive sense" feel that. Borders are necessary, literally, figuratively, psychologically, creatively, etc. What will you bounce off of if not a border of some kind?

What was the lead up to the breakdown like in regards to cannabis use

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It was a combination of really intense coincidences. In my experience, coincidences started becoming so unbelievable that I had to assume I tapped into some kind of magic.

I was a slightly overweight poor depressed shut in, but a break up & a shroom trip swirled me around. Then, no joke (and seriously, this all actually happened to me in the span of less than six months), I make ~$5,000 off of the stock market, get an apartment, and shave off the extra fat from exercising thanks to new surges of serotonin from antidepressants.

The problem with it all was that it was inexplicably lucky. Weed buffed my psychosis (which it is actually known to do - theres an NPR article about cannabis induced psychosis somewhere), and I thought I ruled the world basically.

When I was institutionalized, I noticed that cannabis users would jump to very out-there conclusions more quickly, and also have a lot more epiphany-like moments about very basic things. It kinda fucks your cognition in a way that makes you believe more intensely what you find titillating to your presumptions.

What was your psychosis like before you started using weed?

Take your medicine, eat healthy, stop smoking and drinking, get hobbies, exercise regularly, create a regular sleep schedule, hang out with friends, see a therapist, find a significant other, go to school and/or work. Repeat after me, "I am not the messiah"

I had psychosis twice, it was wacky/confusing/enlightening.
I'm scared I might go through it again because I started smoking weed again, not much but it's better if I avoid it. Idk man, I can go into detail but it takes too much effort. Don't do drugs and sleep well

Please go into detail. Im interested in your experiences

youtu.be/GHqTg_nuSiI

reddit

I like drugs too but you have to be so fucking dumb to push it this far.
Also OP I think I remember you posting this story in /bleep/ before.

yh got sent to a kookhouse lmao

shame that bleep is dead

Dead because of a schizo like you spamming it 24/7.

I never spammed it like he did. I'm a psychotic not a schizo. ffs devin

ffs devin

>worried about people hearing my thoughts.
A strong sign of schizophrenia.

look all I know is what the doctors told me.
you might be right but it's all just a word at the end of the day

Well okay, my first psychosis began when I did some Magic Mushrooms with a friend (and weed of course since it was part of my daily palette) . I had maybe 3 hours of sleep the night before and at first didn't want the psychedelics because of that, but eventually I thought fuck it. After the 'trip' we both went home to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. I started triping as crazy when I got home, I thought I figured out the first part of the puzzle and reached the first step towards god like powers.
Too explain my 'psychotic thoughts' a little better you must understand that the period before my psychosis I had a regular routine of taking weed, listening to fringe music, obsessing about occult/magick/mysticism and conspiracy stuff. I also isolated myself a lot, even from my roommates.
Anyway things go on and on, I get super amounts of confidence. Start walking through the center of my city barefooted, thinking I'm some kind of magician following my intuition towards my dreams, poking holes into the belief systems of others and opening them up to greater truths. Eventually going to my old highschool, walked like 100 times around the building, thinking back about memories and trying to '''decipher''' my past and what it meant. I was drawing connections like a true schizo, interpreting names of people comparing it to words which were similar and then interpreting as metaphors, etc.
Eventually I lost confidence and got scared, real REAL scared. A feeling I was about to die, a feeling so intense I hadn't felt it since I was a little child who was afraid of the dark. I started screaming my lungs out waving my arms like a mad man with each passing car (I thought they were going to ram into me). Eventually a islamic dude on the bike stopped and asked what was going on, I started saying stupid shit and wanted to convert to islam. Anyway he called the ambulance they took me, I thought I was dead.
A consciousness inside a dead body, eventually woke up thinking I was in the afterlife but turned out to be a secure mental institution, anyway tried to escape, yadda yadda, aliens, spiderman, rick and morty.
Shit didn't make sense anymore, felt like I was being tested, pretended to take medication but spat it out in the toilet.
Anyway eventually I felt ashamed and realised how hurt the people around me where. My mother, brother, sister, friends and family. I started to cooperate, did meditation, exercises and took cold showers. I recovered really fast said the people there, but I felt so ashamed and my social anxiety started to crop up like before the psychosis.
Anyway there are many more details I left out about the hole story but this is the general gist of it, there was also a second psychosis a year later but I typed enough. Phone posting sucks.

I had psychosis 7 years ago, was hospitalized, related to smoking way too much weed also, and I still get some schizo type symptoms here and there

honestly I think it might have something to do with having a massive amount of pent up emotions from childhood onwards that didn't get any space to be felt, and since the intellect isn't providing a space for the emotions to come forward, the intellect gets fractured with insane suppositions but the body is then allowed to be flooded with an insane amount of depth of emotions (all over the place, though)

I'm pretty sane now but it's strange that I still feel like I miss the depth of emotion I was able to feel at that time. I guess the key is being able to feel the depth of emotion freely without the need for one's grip on reality to be totally fractured in order for it to take place

Read RD Laing and watch Serial Experiments Lain.

ahaha good one

Listen to Ye by Kanye

stilldrinking.org/the-episode-part-1

Lacan would say you failed to Oedipalize. Guess the medicine and hospitalization chemically castrated you enough to symbolically castrate and resolve your complex hence your current sanity...

you are still paranoid btw, take your antipsychotics please

What a stupid comment

petersonion.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/how-hallucinogens-ruined-my-life-section-iii/

can you go into this a little more to save me the research

Embrace it.
Schizophrenia is just the beginning of the opening of your third eye.
Once you go beyond the veil constructed by the Materialist Void of Substance, you will be able to concentrate and focus your "schizophrenia" into actual powers, and cast your consciousness into the frequencies and wavelengths that oscillate beyond the narrow scope of awareness that typifies the normal or non-Schizophrenic human beings.
You will think that you have gone as deep as you can go, but then you will discover Demons. Parasitic worm like creatures that attach themselves on you, with lamprey mouths.
Then the last step is realizing the world is dying and you have but one option, succumb to the demons and burn in Hell, or walk with Christ and overcome in the Final Day.

God bless, user. It's a struggle, but Science and Doctors cannot save your soul.

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>christianity is about hinduism (third eye)
Really jogs the noggin. Why not Krishna?

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3345523/

>I got into a facebook spat with a black girl about whether or not I had the legal right to write "my nigga" on the internet.

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aha it was just banter jee

I think by "failure to oedipalize" he refers to the failure of the psychotic structure to unify the Imaginary with the Real (Reel?) through the Symbolic (i.e. fantasy with reality through interpretive faculties).

Castration and resolution aren't the same though. The complex just becomes easier to repress (ex. anti-psychotics), almost like the complex going into a dormant state, but if it was "resolved" the patient wouldn't have such potential for relapse (getting off medication and falling into successive psychotic structures)

>I miss the depth of emotion I was able to feel at that time.
I feel that hard. Things have a weird glow to 'em when you're off your noggin.

Since we're all spinning tales.... My psychosis happened while reading Hegel then playing videogames later high on weed and LSD. Somehow I came to the conclusion that I solved philosophy. Said lots of crazy shit and stopped sleeping and started doing wild drugs cause I was enlightened and shit got real real quick. I was obsessed with Kanye at the time because of MBDTF had just come out. I was selling hella research chemicals and making bank and one year out from graduation at uni. I thought my Biblical Studies professor was teaching magical formula. I turned in a manifesto about starting an illuminati in my continental political theory class. I told my psychology professor that I was a schizoanalyst. I tried to get back with my first girlfriend. I hooked up with some crazy bitch who puddled me in my sleep. I helped my most recent ex cheat on her then boyfriend with myself. I drank till two every night and almost performed sex magic with a schizophrenic girl while snorting cocaine but got cockblocked by more sane friend. I destroyed my apartment in a staged suicide attempt. Burned all my writings and books. Wiped my hard drive and tossed my phone. Shredded all my ID. Thought I was able to speak every language. Met a girl who would give me blowjobs while I talked shit about the occult. Thought the apocalypse was occurring. And walked around town naked until picked up by cops. Of course that was only the beginning. Hardly includes the deaths and rebirths and hideous truths and lies and eternal mysteries. It was a bit like lucid dreaming while awake.

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Lol, great one but stop taking a piss of these people some of the stories told here are true. I told my story but I guess I'm not being taken serious, and that annoys me.

Drugs are degenerate, stay away from drugs, user.

Fuh cue. My story is true too. And if the image is too painful to laugh at then you got some self-examination to do.

I greatly enjoyed reading this post, user.
Made me smile.

I thought I was a schizoanalyst in uni too

I blame that fuck Gwa-tar-eee

Thanks. I am phoneposting or I would be more literary or pull up some of my writing on the subject to copypasta but those were the highlights.
I was quite de-leuzed in the comatorium.

I want to believe it's true but I get jealous about the thought of fucking schizo bitches

>ITT lizard people schizoposting

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Who else has collections of schizo ramblings? I kept mine, /schizolit/ share thread?

mega.nz/#!9NggAa5I!6UHNJlaN-eIbv0T5ya9Pr7iKthr6nRc0J5XAh8KN8lY

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Page 103, excerpt of A Walking Aphrodisiac On the mega link above youll find nice schizo shit, but skip the first part of the book if you want cause its too much for some people. Oh and i warn you, it has a different narrator on each part and some self indulgent interludes here and there

I never actually fucked the schizo bitch. But she did draw me a picture for me which I kept for a while.

You two fucked mentally, you have to give up the physical once you reach the level you reached. You touched her perfect body with your mind.

Big up on the Cohen ref. Comfy thread, schizbros.

Weed causes schizophrenia.

Low-attention-span-trying-to-pass-off-as-aphorisms was all the rage. There's more, of course

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More like if you're prone to mental illness already it'll hasten you there. I know plenty of people that weren't affected the way I was. But maybe they just handle the schizophrenia better.

Does schizophrenia increase your verbal IQ?

the fear of going insane is the biggest fear that i have. i did a lot of drugs when i was younger, some of those experiences where very awful to put it mildly, pretty much traumatic. taking acid and not knowing if you're dead or not while everything around you is breathing and changing colors, and thought loops for hours, was the absolute worst thing i've endured. completely untethered from reality.
even smoking weed turned into an ordeal as i got older, overthinking and anxiety deluxe. now, as a 28 year old boomer i can hardly drink coffee without feeling like i'm almost losing it, thank allah for alcohol at least thanks for reading my blog.

Is wordsalad good or bad?

The fear of becoming you is the biggest fear that I have.

You write this?

Pedophilia is not okay.

schizoposting is about feeling good not being good, duh

kek

Good post.

Truly schizoposting is beyond good and evil, no?

I had a series of bad acid trips and ended up spending a whole summer alone in my room in an apartment by myself. Wasn't necessarily a psychotic breakdown, but it was close. I started developing all kinds of weird beliefs and talked to myself a little. I still prefer to spend time alone as a result though and have trouble feeling any emotions besides pain and anger. I'm either in a bad mood or numb. Never got medicated or anything, smoked weed for awhile it helped connect with people, but I can't smoke it anymore because of drug tests and what not. I've just accepted being numb.

Meditate

I'll try it out. Do you have any recommended texts or anything to give me a basic rundown? Or should I just sit in silence and focus on my breathing?

Ah. A few months ago, some user posted a story about two girls coming at his door. I don't remember much else but it stuck with me — and some other anons because he got a lot of responds — because the author was clearly in some kind of delirium that seemed perfectly logical to him. It was pretty good, to be honest. I didn't screencap it and I often regret it.

There are as many ways to meditate as there are people in the world. And depending on one's goals of course. I learned from Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha: integrateddaniel.info/book

Try warosu?

I did warn you about the first part, but look heres the kind of stuff that goes on in the other parts

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Is it another guy speaking?

Tried it, nothing! But hey, thanks.

Idk. I like that. But it seems forced edginess at the beginning. Also clearly not written by a schizo. Not enough wordsalad tho one may argue it is neurosis close enough to psychosis regardless. I like the clips you've been posting. Do more.

How do you have a series of bad trips?
Why not just stop after the first one and wait until you're in a good state of mind and body again?

Try harder.

The whole book is in the mega, btw

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btw thats part three, with a different narrator, page 108

But was that "vile racist messages" true? If it was I would hire you on the spot

Holy shit that last part hit me so close to home.

I've had several (sober) social experiences in which I've had some reaction to a mostly trivial piece of information that was significantly more intense than those around me. I've had people make "dude weed" jokes in these scenarios and this has mostly just confused me up until now

nah I just said "my nigga"

I mean because I'm white that's automatically seen as racist. I doubt most people in positions of power in the uk are of the same mindset as you though. To make money in this system means capitulation to the meta narrative in one way or another.

Holy fuck! The UK really is totally fucked! Does no one have any testicles on the entire island? How the fuck did everyone let it get to this point? Why would the greatest people ever to walk the face of the earth an hero like this??? WTF? How can I help as an English American?

I guess because racism is ugly and has a dark past in the uk. people were banned from buying houses in certain areas and blocked off from going to certain venues because of their race. pakisanis and indians regularly were abused and violently assaulted in the streets over here in the sixties and seventies. England has a history of colonisation and oppression that it wants to move away from

also they are addicted to power and one fume of world domination through socialist revolution gets all the elites wet as lake victoria

Some of the best days of my entire life were on acid. I still remember being with my brother and best friend down by the water while the sun was setting. Thinking about it makes me want to cry desu.

yeah but also some of the worst times ever too. I went a bit kooky the first time I took acid. went all panicky and sweaty and started shouting schopenhauer quotes. freaked my cousin out a bit.

Cool.

Once my best buddy showed a fire his cock and insinuated he was going to butcher me alive with the hatchet he was holding when we were on mescaline. Good times

OP, it sounds like you're still a bit delusional, it's best to ground yourself in some kind of material theoretical framework of how things work and not go to deep into spoopy metaphysical belief systems.

Shitty answer. The correct answer is toxic feminity and its exploitation by the narcissistic psychopathic globalist elite.

but kant

*hand rubbing intensifies*

my best mate has recently gone through something similar. i live abroad so i actually wasn't there when it happened and haven't seen him since february, but apparently, he spent 3-4 days sleepless and started getting paranoid about everyone wanting to kill him for being a communist. he started making 0 sense when talking and was uncontrollable, he was put in a clinic for about 2 weeks in the middle of march, and from what i know he's still a completely different person from who he was (expressionless, shaky, doesn't manage to read etc.). he only smoked weed occasionally and had done psychedelic truffles a couple weeks prior (with me actually, in Holland, although he was absolutely normal the day after so i don't know).

i will be going back home in 2 weeks and will see him for the first time since it happened. what can i do to help? you guys who have experience with this, what would you have wanted your closest friend to do for you ?

just don't judge. be sensitive. let him know that it hasn't changed your opinion of him. be conscious of how rough and shitty the experience of being institutionalised is. you get treated very badly

>My radical revolutionary views are now more hidden and personal, but I feel I have not changed
Buy a shitload of copies of The Ego and Its Own and donate them to the mental hospital, and watch a real revolution happen.

The absolute STATE of Britain

>also look up terry davis
This. Run over all of those fascist glow-in-the-dark CIAniggers.

That's pretty nuts, glad you're doing better

I feel that I've had a few bad trips as well. Interestingly enough, my worst trip ever was at the end of my sophomore year at our school's annual concert where I had extreme shame and anxiety that made my vision blurry and made it hard to breathe. That following summer, after taking acid a dozen times throughout the year, I had my first "sober" panic attack while lying in bed at night. Ever since then, going on three years now, I've had severe chronic anxiety and panic disorder that mimics my bad trip that one time and I can't help but think that maybe this never would have happened if I didn't do acid all those times that year.

this thread is inducing psychosis for me

posting cause Will Self is great

The first one was great the second one sucked so I changed my environment for the third and it sucked too. I got convinced to do it one more time and it started out bad but ended well. It was during one summer so 4 trips over three months. Nothing really that crazy I just thought the second one was an anomaly since the first one was great.

This thread is literally reducing my hope for humanity one post at a time
>retards abusing powerful drugs
>unchecked egos leading to messianic delussions
>overbearing orwellian states

third eye is metaphor for spiritual awakening obviously

>t. afraid to try drugs

yeah, the U.K. is fucked, blame anglo pragmatism and parliamentary sovereignty. I say this as a burger, who is probably being monitored big-league, and no doubt my country is even more of a travesty, but fuck being fined for saying nigga on the internet

As a resident psychiatrist that want to specialize in psychotic symptoms and SCH. diseases and as someone that went through some rougher year filled with too much marijuana, this thread is super comfy.

Agree about some deep fault in institucionalization, Foucault was up to something there.

It can be overcome, tho. I am the same as You are. Working on myself.

I haven't felt the same ever since I smoked weed in 2011, what do?

Be urself

Thank you for posting this user

Don’t smoke it ever

sounds like the people in this thread might dig Peter Hitchens and his crusade against weed

i was smoking dmt last night, with some rue, wasn’t psychotic. really nice experience.

Preach

Tumblr Christians are truly heretical

heresy: belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious (especially Christian) doctrine.

Jesus rebuked the religious and loved the sinners. I truly believe he'd be more pleased with a "heretical tumblr" hallucinogen using schizo than a lukewarm Catholic going through the motions.

Just last fall at my first semester at uni I had a psychosis. I felt that everything was a propaganda apparatus, and that the lectures and everything was a sort of "sorting mechanism" by which people were divided into social classes. Everything I perceived to be a test of some kind, from the lectures, to the books I was reading; even the shitposts on Yea Forums I read I thought held some deeper, metaphorical meaning. I saw Yea Forums as being the gestalt in essence, and it was a system to be gamed, and an apparatus for deceiving people but at the same time a secret tool to be used in order to advance personal knowledge in alchemy and philosophy--a place for fellow "geniuses" such as myself to exchange secret information and projects so as to advance our own personal gain, while the proles who browsed the site sifted through the propaganda and got caught up in it.

I started really to go off the deep end when I tried to penetrate Hegel. I thought the Phenomenology of Spirit was a guide book to attain absolute knowing and to become the Master of your own domain. I saw the Foreword and I interpreted it as being a "forewarning"--that is, "not everything in the book is true, you passed the first test, good job, now here are the procedures by which you should interpret the text." So I skipped to the part on self-alienation, this I perceived to be the first step: one must alienate themselves from Culture and then go forth to manipulate it. So that's what I did. I took what I learned from my Art History class about gestures and told myself that gestures were a means of propagating information, and expressed a certain power dynamic in a master/slave scenario. I even went on Yea Forums and schizo-posted, asking for answers and seeking advice.

Suddenly I saw everything differently--everything became a piece of advice or something that ought to be maneuvered around. I was on a walk once and someone said to me, "Good job, you're getting close." It could've been a hallucination looking back on it, but still I'm not so sure (I never told any of my psychiatrists that I experienced hallucinations, I was absolutely convinced of my 'sense-certainty' and that mental diagnoses were a meme to actually represent "power-levels"-my cousin was maths genius and had bi-polar so I assumed this was the highest "power-level.") I was convinced that I was also a genius--a philosophy genius, because I could "easily" interpret Hegel and Foucault, which I was reading a lot of at the time.

Probably the final lynch-pin was when I smoked some heavy sativa strain of marijuana, and then my mood began oscillating rapidly after that. In one night the campus police visited me several times, each time I convinced them that I was sane, I was just focused on composing my music, or concentrating on meditating, or whatever. They thought I was eccentric at first, but when I smoked that weed and my mood began to oscillate, it was clear that I wasn't of right mind. (1/2)

At this point I was convinced that I held the "world-spirit" and that the University was attempting to kill me and use my body parts to restore the environment. The police brought me in, threatened to taze me, and then hand-cuffed me and brought me into the emergency room. There I exercised profusely, ate a lot of food (I didn't think that they were trying to kill me at this point, they were trying to "restore me"), and meditated. Still, my demeanor must've been off, and I was saying a lot of weird shit, so they brought me to the psychiatric ward.

At the psychiatric ward, I was still convinced I was some kind of genius, and I was writing an essay about how this was a test or whatever, and I was sent to study the intricacies of this societal structure. It eventually dawned on me that I was just as crazy as the rest of the people there; perhaps more intelligent, but still crazy nonetheless, and I wanted out. I spent the next two weeks there regardless, and they put me on 500 mg of Lithium and 45 mg of aripiprazole. I got out, went off my meds, and I again went down the rabbit hole. Then I went back to another psychiatric ward (this one was much nicer), and they only had me take 5 mg of aripiprazole daily, which I'm currently taking right now. Haven't had any delusions since, and I've come to realize that some of my delusions reflected reality to an extent, but I was taking the ideas too far. Tried to read Hegel again, can't understand him for shit. But I still like to read Baudrillard, Foucault, &c--tried to read Deleuze, but can't penetrate him and was considering going off my meds to understand him but my philosophy teacher at CC (I took a gap semester at a CC) told me that understanding him took some time and I had to start with his works on Nietzsche, Hume, &c. So that's what I'm doing now, ready to go back to uni for the spring. (2/2).

>pursuing a degree in philosophy
peak irony

If mental illness or epilepsy runs in your family then you shouldn't do any drugs except for alcohol and MDMA. (Dont mix them. I suppose you could take other stuff but most other drugs like coke which you'd be alright with are only for dickheads and arseholes)

The Mind Illuminated is also great,
Meditation helped me greatly becoming less numb and more engaged in life

I've only one experience of taking to much shrooms (+MAOI+iboga+weed) back in 2012.

Basically we were 6, one of us fainted, part of us went back to the house and one minute after we were convinced that the fainted tripper has died by our fault.
Then the sky turned pitch black, we saw an airport which didn't exist, I saw aliens, thought we were in a post apo simulation with humans consuming too much resources. I believed my friends were prostituting me for cigarettes, then that we had to kill people in the house i was 3 hours before...I even eat soil to test if this was real... Nearly unable to communicate with my friends, the contrary of habitual empathy > telepathy.

8 hours after we were all fine, but this was fucked.

I believe some people got massive traumas from being arrested+psych ward+antipsychotics that they wouldn't have had if they were having good sitters, controlling themselves, lower doses or juste were alone in a quiet place. The problem is it can happen, and if you cause trouble the autorities have no other/better choice that to lock you up with nasty meds.

Sorry for my expression.

Why is it so common for anons that have psychosis experiences to be interested in Hegel? Is there any correlation?

Marx is good for this, but if you're still delusional you begin to see metaphorical blood everywhere.

I've gone through something similar. I was addicted to weed edibles for about a year. On one hand I became extremly sensative to sound and my own thoughts but at the same time I started to become more sensative to bodylanguage which cured my autism to some degree. I ended up going to ayahausca and had a vision of what I would become if I kept abusing weed and it really scared me.

I still liked being high though so I started to run daily, runners high produceds endocannabinoids so you get a similar high to weed.

Most people who read Hegel do so in college which is also around the same age schizophrenia usually appears in males.

Or else it's the claim to absolute knowledge...

Ayahuasca taught me that I needed to open my heart to my girlfriend and truly love her despite the possibility of getting hurt. She dumped me a year later and I am a heartbroken bachelor now.

I take sadistic pleasure in recognizing subtle schizoposters and fucking with their mind on Yea Forums.
Anyone else?

I’ve been fighting psychosis for a few years now, not drug induced natural stuff. At its absolute worst I found myself believing that light and sound was sending out signals that were scrambling my brain, would get migraine level headaches when exposed to them for too long. I had no clue my mind was making this up until haldol got rid of it, I thought for certain it was real because how real it felt. For years though, before and after that experience, I’ve heard voices telling me I’m worthless and should kill my self on repeat.

Recently though I sort of woke up out of the extremely negatives aspects of it and decided to change my life. I’ve tossed out all my video games and took up reading again and I’m trying to follow the four noble truths and 8 eightfold path of Buddhism the best I can as I feel like it has a large impact on my life.

Same. Only male schizos tho. Girl schizos are pure. I got nudes from a qt female schizoposter once

did not know people had so much trouble smoking weed lol

Dabbin

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what are the giveaways?

I hope you are feeling better now my fren

>alchemy

too good

I had a similar experience but you were on baby meds. I spent a month inside and came out for almost a year on high doses of olanzapine before they dropped me down to arapiprizole

I kinda wish I was psychotic again just so I could actually understand Hegel too. Madness is attractive

Each persons experince is very different from what I understand. Mine also showed me the meaning of life and helped me come to terms with my dad molesting me when I was a kid.

Madness is very attractive, I have to admit. It sometimes feels to me that the only way one can truly understand philosophy at times is through madness; my philosophy teacher at the CC didn't really have a good understanding of Deleuze, and I'm wondering if anyone higher up the academic ladder truly understands him or Hegel, either. Us proles though probably have no chance of grasping a true understanding of these authors. I can understand Nietzsche, Kant, Marx and Foucault just fine, but it still seems that we're in a domain riddled with contradictions and paradoxes. But that's just the thing, madness just delves you into a domain riddled with paradoxes, and it seems that it isn't within the domain of our understanding. The phenomenologists and true intellectuals seem to understand; those in the inner party. The mark of true genius is understanding and application of that understanding to something great. I envy the greats, but I'm also appreciative of them--they can hopefully lead us on to better things, but they also have to make the choice: to be good, and lead us well, or to exploit us. Sadly it seems they're more inclined to do the latter. Maybe that's why Deleuze and Foucault wanted to free the schizophrenic--to expose paradoxes, and lead us away from the pull of capital. I just wish people like us could lead, but that just doesn't seem to be the case, sadly enough.

I didn't really mean alchemy, more just like an infatuation with metaphysical diagrams and imagery. Laffoley's stuff was pretty good when I was going down the rabbit hole.

This is bullshit. Any schizophrenic lurkers, please beware. If you want to take this advice, try to alienate yourself from society so that you don't end up being institutionalized. And stay away from mary jane.

As someone who went through psychosis and read Hegel, you can't gain absolute knowledge through schizophrenia.

Self importance to a ridiculous degree.
Prone to believe everything is about them.
Searching meaning where there is none.
Word salad.

Any examples?

>pure
>nudes
i don't think you know what the word means

Puris omnia pura

archive.rebeccablacktech.com/mu/thread/86390668/
Pretty sure all the 95% of the namefags in this thread is just one schizo spammer.

The majority of people are pseuds. Including your teacher at CC. There are at least dozens if not hundreds, just counting those writing on the subject at least, with a firm grasp of Hegel and/or Deleuze. Admittedly, it is difficult. But doable. Just try harder. Schizophrenia can give the appearance of understanding but as says: it is not true understanding.

I don't see any namefags. And there are 58 unique posters in this thread.

Oh sorry you meant your link not this thread lol

looooool devin what are u doing on Yea Forums

>word salad
Any examples?

So, a loicense to be racist costs £420 in the UK? Is that single use, year-pass, lifetime?

desuarchive.org/r9k/search/username/Christ/page/2/
>the brain tumor I implanted in you is still growing as I see. You're a broken record now due to the withering of your neural matrix
>*crinkle*

>Heads up to the anons that dont know (...) means white genocide. Any user that posits a dot dot dot is signaling their use of memetic encryption to other users to target white people that use this site with genetic and psychological warfare.

Yikes

single use I'm afraid. will cost more next time

can second this. schizophrenia makes you feel like every word is directed at you. Like watching live tv and feeling like the TV is speaking to you directly. It has that appearance of obscene familiarity. It's a hell of a trip

Another common schizofag thing to do is try and name random anons as people they know...

Yeah it's pretty entertaining digging through those archived posts but the insanity starts to hurt my head after a while.

You guys are such faggots
youtu.be/Gn0XT_-he-A

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woah

I used to have mild psychotic episodes. In my case it was more like total absence of filter/ego-boundary normal people use to pass things both in and out. This filter is a heavy source of stress for most people in everyday experience. In many respects regression to early childhood, but with all the memories and experience of adult life as baggage, its not really "innocence" and "naivete" anymore. A child with a lot of attitude.

You type like you fried your brain with all those drugs.

Yeah dude I really care about my Yea Forums posts while I'm hanging out with my dog listening to umphs waiting for the wife to get home.

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Like it would be one thing if i was discussing a book but first of all, /qa/ is not Yea Forums, and second this thread belongs on /x/. My point is that drug threads on Yea Forums are full of cringe undergrads with no hookups and no sense of fun or humor. Grow mushrooms, go to Summer Camp or Lock'n. Taking a moderate amount of drugs alone is super lame.

More here.
desuarchive.org/int/search/text/Celestial girlfriend/type/op/

>it belongs on /x/.
But we're talking about a real phenomenon, not some esoteric BS.

/x/ is the drug and drug psychosis board dude I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. Drugs aren't that cool, the enhance or dull perception. I mean they're fun but not worth discussion. Literally boof some ketamolicaine and go see the disco biscuits or shut up. Trip reports are so fucking boring. Like hearing someone tell you about a dream.
>BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN
cringe

/x/ is the gullible idiot board. I wish christfags and traditionalists were made to post there. Schizophrenia and drugs are common literature topics. Everything can be studied. Including dreams and trips. And shitposting is fun. Hide it from your catalog if it so offends but in that case you sound like the only overly serious loser here.

Lmfao of all the threads to pick you chose one specifically involving her

Yawn

Take your medicine, schizbro.

give gobby Devin

It doesn't offend me. I just can tell you from not being a retard newfaggot this entire thread is full of fart huffing fags and ops
>dude u ever gone crazy cause drugs wow I'm so high IQ
Is pathetic. This is a bad thread and you're all inexperienced hypefags. The only reason I take acid anymore is to fucking stay awake because.

*dabs*

Stay medicated, bros.

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Smoking weed 24/7 makes you smarter. I'm living proof

B)

I experienced an extreme pyschosis after an Obe on mdma mixed with marijuana.
I feel so bad for you guys, I still have residual effects from it. Relationships are really hard to make now because I become paranoid of how they perceive me guys and girls.
Drugs are not good. Please all of you out there stop taking them, they're only going to damage you and your psyche.

Follow this advice if you're a weak-minded peasant

I second this, I don't smoke marijuana even when my friends are begging for me to join them because the legal and corporate paranoia is too strong. If I knew it were legal and that the companies I work for wouldn't fire me for having marijuana in my system (never under the influence at work, I enjoy doing what I do well), I'd be able to medicate myself properly. I also won't get a Rx because I'll have my right to own a firearm revoked, even though I know moderate occasional use would help me deal with flares of depression , anxiety, and the insomnia. And I'll never Rx zolpidem again, had blackouts and woke up with a belt around my neck 30 miles away from where I went to bed, and had broken into my friend's house through a window to sleep on his couch. I even got 'kidnapped' by my ex-roommates after I had gone to sleep because they claimed I wanted to go on a roadtrip. Woke up 4 hours away from bed in the back of a truck watching the sunrise at the planetarium in Chicago.

Legalize marijuana or DIE

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what town you in?

so Lacan would say being medicated is a resolution, but not a castration of the complex? or the other way around?

I actually have a cousin who had a psychosis and bipolar; he's a Buddhist monk now.

These diagnoses are only relevant in relation to Capitalistic societies. Notice that

near ipswich, england

Cringe

Anybody on Abilify here ?

Currently 10mg / day

It got me back on track after a ''depressive episode'' but I stopped after ~4 months of use

Nah I didn’t like it much. Was on haldol which worked well but there’s a national shortage of it right now so I’m on fluphenazine which doesn’t work as well. Kind of ridiculous that there can be a national shortage of such an important medicine.

yeah tell me about it. worst city I've been to by far, and I've traveled a lot.

I have had experience with psychosis but it almost seems I'm steering myself back there again...
It's like I want to walk the thin line between sanity and insanity

the pie story is all too human, here's hoping everything turns out alright user.

youtube.com/watch?v=lMQK7uSMhhI

its an impulse for me to do this as well. i wish it would stop. my brain just connects dots together that may or may not belong together all the time until i get back into another paranoid episode. for me it is always the same narrative im trying to put together. that i am being preyed on by a group (i dont know how large) of liars and manipulators, who are trying to punish me for my past mistakes. its a shame because even when im feeling really good and clear headed i am always having an internal battle of, is it real or is it just in my head.

my nigga

Lads.
youtube.com/watch?v=CtEpaLw2ytk

>Psychotic episode last august
>tfw I have to meet the "early intervention in psychosis" team every week so the government knows I havent gone back to being mad
Anyone else in the UK have to meet with these guys?

antipsychotics are known as chemical straight jackets, fun fact.

I had taken LSD before smoking weed or drinking alcohol. It was so fucking stimulating, I am still processing my trip 3 years later. Anyways the first time I smoked weed I experienced psychosis, the second time I experienced psychosis again, and I kept doing it because like PTSD I "forgot" how I go to literal HELL every time I smoke. Smoked a total of like 4 times.
>I had a marijuana induced psychotic breakdown during uni to man. Rough fuckin stuff. I was convinced the world was a game and everyone was trying to test my abilities.
This is it chief. Although desu it isn't exactly wrong is it?

fuck..........

I'd like to think of myself as someone who reached the other end of the tunnel. I had a bad trip on weed a few years back and it sent me into a psychotic breakdown. Outside of delusional thoughts, the overwhelming anxiety was something I'd never experienced before and it was the scariest moment of my life. Repeated thoughts about the trip persisted for a while and it bothered the fuck outta me. I swear I was going crazy multiple times. But years later it's not really a factor anymore.

What helped was rationalizing my "delusional thoughts" and reaching the conclusion that there are so many schools of philosophy that have explored similar territories, and that my "connecting the dots" wasn't anything special or unique. Also meditation/CBT/taking your mind off of your thoughts and into the present helped immensely too. I recently smoked weed again for the first time in years a month or so ago and it happened again. I was trapped in a mental labyrinth and during the trip I was able to understand that this shit just doesn't physically cooperate with my brain and it has nothing really to do with my mind or delusional thoughts themselves. After the trip was over it went away.

>I recently smoked weed again for the first time in years a month or so ago and it happened again
reading things like this connects dots for the delusion to keep building up for me but hey i could also just see it as weed causes these types of psychotic symptoms

Well the point is it's obviously neurological and your brain reacting to psychoactive properties than evidence of any grand conspiracy. The fact that my mind is fine when I'm sober, no matter how often I try to think of the same things as I do when high, but it goes haywire only when I'm high proves as much. This time I wasn't anxious, just paranoid and psychotic so I was able to grasp this conclusion even while I was high, through moments of clarity. And focusing very heavily on the fact that it was nothing more than the drug reacting with my brain grounded me during the trip until it wore off.

Society where shamanism, creativity, and the important process of drastic sudden mental reconfiguration is understood:
>such "psychotic breakdowns" treated gently, understandingly, seen as a natural process, one can reintegrate after it to be an even more whole and healed person than before
>one is not unduly amazed at someone acting strange on a psychedelic drug

Anti-shamanistic, un-creative, rigid, boring, brain-dead society:
>oh my GOD this person is on mushrooms and acting weird?!?!? Oh my God!!!! Someone call an ambulance!!! Call the police!!!!
>"What a shame you are to us, son. Do you know how much stress you put your friends and family under by going insane? You're ruining your entire chances of having a normal life and conforming to society!"
>**tazes high person repeatedly and boots them in the groin**

Read Carlos Castaneda. Read Philip K. Dick's VALIS. Read Robert Anton Wilson's Prometheus Rising and Cosmic Trigger.

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this. just started reading the mind illuminated. pretty good.

devin! :3c

You could also put in "modern industrialised societies" there. I bet there would be similar if not worse episodes in communist societies.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ndVEiGLN8Uk

yeah I met with them and they used to give me ambien and sleeping pills.

too much government

I love it when people pretend to be me. reminds me of the old bleep days

jfc

May be attending fsu next semester. Got a discord? could use some friends in Tally. I'm also sober.

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Smoke weed every day!

he is so funny ive been looking for this video for a while i forgot the title i just remembered him kicking his fan hard as fuck

sam hyde is a confirmed hebephile, voyeur, cuckold, creep

and thats a good thing

Classic

Burn in hell

:(

Numbers 31:
17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.
18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Virgin
Stone age idiot

Just sayin', God seems to be ok with that freaky deaky creepy stuff. Who am I to question his Will?

youtu.be/MyKNmvJYO7o

>video not available

poem written at 2am midway through a research chemical trip that lasted 12 hours

Fool me?
Maybe a few times
It's hard to tell
Mouthing out
The words in the back of your head

It's nice

But I tend to leave bits and pieces
Of me
Everywhere I go

Chewed fingernail

Tearing on rusted dull strings
A little bloody

Stay flagrant
Don't burn the house down

Teabags
Half-stewed

Desert a 50 from your mould
To charge that light on at night

Cause you can and can't sleep without it

That kind of blue which sits
At the back of your eyes
It's reassuring to know it's there
But when it is you don't want to leave

Holding your attention
A little longer than necessary

Lingering

How many library books
Beneath the bed
-Tsnndoku! at least they're automatic renewals now

Freudian sniff?
I have a cold, not paranoia

empire worries me

the faces of fat cats
But it feels so good when I let them in
And then I'll leave ever so quietly

A lady of the 24hour night

In these stairwells-
lay a foetal pause in private company
vulnerable from above as down below

Winter brought us together
under pressure of platforms

It tasted bitter but everyone says it's tasteless

Barricaded between the violet night and fine dining, you show me the walls it shimmers as you shimmers
me timbers
back up to me shoulders

Falling in an orbit, mind you
You should've looped back by now
But the faces in the dim energy bulbs
Flicker with tinged green
worms beneath the skin

Cool

But that really is happening to the UK