JSA Storytime of Pain: War Machine 2.0

Shit got a little oof/things didn't line up right

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Erebonia is definitely somewhat sexist but there's a character you're going to flip your shit for in CS2-onward

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... It took this long for a Trails protagonist to finally do it. Frustration is gettin' bigger, Bang Bang Bang, PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER! His hair even goes white. Fuckin' hell.

There sure is a lot of emphasis on Class VII's family members. Rean's sister, Alisa's mom, Elliot's sister and dad, Machias' dad, Jusis' brother, etc. I sense a theme.

I don't know why Sara wants to hide that she's a bracer. It's pretty obvious. Also, shacking up in the empty guild branch is pretty sad. I'm so used to them being happy places.

Oh hey, Cold Steel has its own Ilya. Can't help but wonder if Vita's moniker, The Azure Diva, is a coincidence or not.

Aww! Laura and Fie are besties now! I was going to complain about how long this subplot as taking, but goddamn it was worth it. These two are adorable.

Hi, BB. Another one of these. Hold on, dude actually has the balls to show up in person undisguised while we're looking for his clues. Motherfucker.

Oh wow, BB's voice actor is having a lot of fun with this role. Possibly a bit too much. Also, the things he's saying make him sound like a pedophile, which is sadly unsurprising.

Yo, Alfin is a trolling bitch. I kind of love her. Does anyone have a gif of her smacking Ollie upside the head? Also, hi, Ollie. Good to see you again. His voice is kinda perfect, gotta say.

Okay, it's funny when Alfin does it because she be trollin', but the rest of Class VII can absolutely stop shipping Rean with his sister. Y'all nasty. Trails needs to stop with the incest shit. For real.

Oooooh! Sara's A-Rank, is she? So she's a proper top tier Badass. And she wanted to hide this lest it take away from her charms. Oh, Sensei... that only makes it better.

Sigh... Welp, gonna get shit for this. So Crow's popular, yes? Well, sorry to say I am totally ambivalent towards him. Game wants me to like him, clearly, but he's not doing anything for me.

Hey, it's Gideon again! Dude got fucking wrecked, damn. And now for his equally whacky comrades! Especially Aggressively Sexy Eyepatch Lady. Hello? Ma'am?

Okay, for a second there, I thought this might be a real fight. It's not. Also, this C guy is totally Crow, right? ILF, same ones who attack the trade conference. Interesting.

... So here he is. Y'know, Osborune has been a thing since SC, and now that Class VII has finally met him, I genuinely don't know how to feel. Hope he lives up to the hype.

Alfin is a magnificent troll

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I've seen too many crappy Poser porno comics for mind to not immediately go there.

Would be On Brand for Austen, tho.

That sucks, hope you have as smooth an experience as I did when I caught it.

Hey it’s been too long

To bad everything is awful

And now, Tony Stark has strong opinions about Shakespeare and the Richard debate

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Oh. Oh okay, we're getting Millium and Crow as new classmates now. A character I find cute but annoying, and one I have no feelings about whatsoever. Awkward.

End of chapter. This was a mixed one. Then again, Cold Steel overall has been a mixed bag so far. I hope this isn't frustrating to read about, but I can't very well lie about my opinion. It is what it is.

New chapter. Gotta be honest, I HATE this Old Schoolhouse shit. I'm sorry, but it's just forced grinding and only one plot relevant thing has happened in it so far. Pain in my ass.

Huh. Okay, so Misty is actually Vita Cotilda. I am confused as to why this is apparently important, but I'll play along and see where you're going with this, game.

Oh, interesting. So Gideon is the ILF squad leader who led the op at the trade conference. And they're not being subtle that we won't be seeing him again.

Okay, look. Milly's cute and all, but I hope she tones it down from a 10 to about a 7. Thankfully, that seems to be happening, cause I don't want to dislike her. She's just a lot.

Oh, hi Lechter. I'm not entire sure about his voice. I guess I never quite realized he's supposed to be that young. And I see you running around in the background, Celine! Fucking cat.

This fucking comic thought it was HBO lol

Disappointed to see you in /fg/, they're going to color your perception of the series very negatively. I'm quite glad I didn't read anything there until I got to CSIV because everything they whine about is bullshit

Beth was his 90s love interest who was in Forceworks, right?

That's why we're reading an awful comic

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im out

Laura's hometown is pretty nice. Fog is cool. I'm pretty sure most of the ladies here are very gay for her. I can't say I blame them. Also, Laura herself seems unaware of this fact.

Aah. It's so nice to be taking requests from inside a Guild branch office. Kinda makes me question why we aren't just playing as bracers, but that's a whole ass rant you probably don't want to read.

... Is it just me, or is Laura's dad really hot? Victor's a badass too, making Rean go devil trigger and job anyway. Also, starting to notice a lot of "I was holding back.".

Emma confuses me. Celine is probably a Divine Beast, but then what is Emma's deal? Maybe she's something new, I dunno. I like being able to guess.

Oh wow, Cayaan just REEKS of twat. Y'know, with how outrageously the evil nobles are protrayed, I just can't tell which side the writers are taking here.

Lohengrim Castle, the requisite spoooooky dungeon. And Milly's the resident scardy cat. OH HI, Arianrhod! Foreshdowing aside, another snake showing up super early.

HA! So while the Eisengraf is speeding by, and Rean activates his weird slo mo vision, I was so hoping Osbourne would turn his head to look back. And he fucking did! Thank you, Trails.

Lechter was at school with Kloe, remember

lol

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hey we arent on the supreme court no need to punish us

Garrelia Fortress. So this is what it looks like from the other side. Y'know, I expected Elliot's dad to be a bit of a prick, but nah, he's delightful.

Oh shit! We're at the prologue. I totally thought it was later, during Deiter's takeover. Guess I should've paid more attention to the dates.

Right, so Millium and Crow are here, and everyone's wearing summer uniforms. The prologue is different again. KeA did more timeline fixing, didn't she?

Also, PLAYABLE SARA, LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO!!! I have been waiting this entire fucking game for this, and it was worth it. And she brings an extra support slot with her. Nice.

... Really? A blank? Shut the fuck up. Okay, sure. How did I know eyepatch lady's name was Scarlet. And she has a fucking whipsword.

Seriously, is it supposed to be surprising that Crow is C? Or am I just being a killoy here? I feel like I might just be me being a fun ruining bitch.

Can we please get more scenes of Ollie and Millium hanging out, with Mueller and Rean having to wrangle them? Also, hi Mueller. That is not what I expected him to sound like. Works though.

I didn't notice this caricature first run though

everyone gets to suffer

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Elliot's dad is one of the greatest reveals in the game, and it keeps on delivering

Mueller and Neithardt go way back, too

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Christian Moore never existed
Chuck did the art in Poser 4 and was ashamed of it
This is not a joke

End of chapter. Things are finally picking up. It usually takes until chapters 2 or 3 for stuff to happen, but here it took til 5.

New chapter. Can we talk about how Towa is a precious cinnamon roll who must be protected? Chronic workaholism has never been this cute!

Okay, so Angelica's playable later, right? This sparring match screams preview. Also, Angelica finally got somewhat interesting now that we know a little bit about her beyond being horny.

Yet another Old Schoolhouse session. And once again, absolutely nothing happened. Sorry to get bitchy, but this blatant padding is getting on my last nerve.

Okay, yeah. The 'Haha...'s are getting more frequent, and now it's kind of annoying. And it's not just Rean, several characters do it. I fear the meme might actually be real. Oh dear.

Okay, this whole school festival thing wasn't really catching my interest until 'rock concert'. Also, please tell me we eventually get to see Towa belting out some sick rock lyrics.

Fights all of her students three at a time with no breaks. Gets right back up and talks about how proud she is of them. This game keeps giving me reasons to love Sara.

Tony Stark thinks Richard and Edward Plantagenet had it coming, and that hunchback make the BEST kings!

fucking seriously?

you can win the Sara fight in NG+

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Oh hello, new waifu! The Courageous is every bit as beautiful as her inspiration. I do find it pretty funny that she's twice as big as the Arseille because empire.

Is it weird that my immediate first impression of Roer is that it's just Zeiss, but less colorful? I mean I guess thematically that fits, but it makes navigation a bit tricky since everything blends together.

Maybe it's just me, but I find Irina insufferable. She's such a cold, mean-spirited jerk, and her behavior towards Alisa looks like borderline emotional abuse. The WMDs don't help.

Oh wow, I am making such an ugly laugh at this ARCUS signal testing sidequest. We're literally going to various places and checking to see if we've got bars. Thank you, Trails, I needed that.

Right, I love Sharon. This trolling ass ninja maid is hilarious. Plus, she's definitely one of Trails' obligatory unassuming plot important purple haired women. This game has two of them, even.

Why do people dislike Alisa again? I'm really digging her understated development and self-awareness. Apparently she was originally going to be the MC, and it's a shame she's not.

Gotta say, this scene did make Irina more interesting as well. She seems to have a similar "Git gud and come at me." attitude to Osbourne. Hpefully she'll chill her shit eventually.

this was one of the first trades i ever got so it holds a place in my heart

She wouldn't have to if you'd just kill Clarence Thomas during a democratic administration!

A very special place, I hope

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Chuck Austen was an amazing pornographer who had delusions of becoming a mainstream writer. Strips had narrative problems but you could beat your dick to it like it owed you money.

Wait, it's not the weekend of pain yet!
MY BODY ISN'T READY!!!!

There is no Hell except for the one we make here ourselves, and we are all complicit; no one of us is free from sin

I literally was ready to bet money on your waifu being Towa
Also interested to see how you feel about Angie going forward because apparently I'm the only one in the fandom who actually likes her

And with Angelica in the party, that makes a total of 13 playable characters now. That's almost as many as in 3rd. And it only gets worse from here, I've heard.

So think I figured out why I don't like Crow. He's an evil bootleg Randy. Womanizer, gambling addict, etc. But he lacks the himbo charm and atoner complex.

Oh no... the impliction of this chapter end makes me sad. Is Sharon an Enforcer? Come on, she's too cool to be evil. Dammit. Please let her be one of the moral ones.

Another chapter down. ... Am I just being pissy? Cause I dunno, I am enjoying the game, but something about it feels, less good than the previous ones. Desperately trying not to be that guy.

New chapter! And here we see some very noticeable budget cuts with a whopping THREE sequences that absolutely should've been made. Fucking wow.

Okay, so apparently this game had a bit of a troubled production, which frankly explains a lot. There's a fair amount of jank here that becomes more noticeable as it goes on.

Going to the boutique. Y'know what, I changed my mind from the beginning, I enjoy Alisa giving Rean shit all the time. Let's be honest, he kinda deserves it for being so aggressively dumb.

Bodies must always be ready for surprise SoPs

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There's a fucking trade!?
I need proof. I can't seem to find it.

>fucking seriously?
It's the same Michael 2 shit he used in Ghost Rider. Also you can't find any evidence of Moore.

What kind of diseased mind led you to spending actual legal money on this garbage? Were you that desperate of digital tits?

There's a drama CD that covers some stuff that got cut, yeah

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Wow, AltRight Machine has SASS.

That's amazing

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"Oh, I knew I shouldn't have trusted the boys!" To be fair Emma, it's the girls who are thirsting on you. Especially Millium. "That outfit makes your boobies look even bigger!"

Oh shit, the takeover! Finally, I get to see what all that shit looks like from over here. Been waiting the whole game or this.

Not gonna lie, kinda love that our new heroes are just dicking around at a school festival while the SSS is dealing with, y'know, all of THAT over in Crossbell right now.

Speaking of, I have to officially call bullshit on "You can totally start with CS.". Once again, the game is highlighting this stuff as if assuming you're already familiar with it.

... I-is this scene happening? Are Rean and friends actually giving an impassioned speech not to cancel the festival, despite the potential danger? That's... stupid.

... And now their ARCUS' are glowing and the energy is letting them pass through the barrier. I feel like this could've used some more foreshadowing.

I feel like we need to have a conversation abut how the final dungeons of all these games are TOO DAMN LONG. CS1 already has tons of padding, and this isn't helping.

Okay, this whole page is a very big mood

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Also even the higher end Poser porno artists at the time were rendering in other applications because Phong rendering is just shit. Better lighting came with Poser 5 which was a few years off and I think Firefly was 6.

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So I'm FINALLY at the final boss, and I'll be honest, I have no idea what's going on. I really hope they explain what this thing is and why the characters act like they know.

End of chapter. ... OH. Okay, so that's what this "Ashen Power" is. Suddenly I'm a lot less annoyed, because now there's mechs. I'm listening, Trails of Cold Steel.

The increasing build up to the thing I have been waiting for is wonderful. Every time someone talks about it, I can't help but say "Yeah, about that though."

Okay, why does every lesbian in Trails have to be a grabby weirdo? Ilya, Shirley, Angelica... It's getting genuinely uncomfortable how this is a recurring thing.

I wish I had more to say about the concert, given how much build up it had. It's fine. It was nice to see Emma grow a little more confident for when she has to reveal her big secret though.

Yay! Sara finally got a piece! So did Alisa.
Also, might as well say it, I don't hate Elise, but I find her kind of annoying. Like her brother, she's just kind of a bland dumbass. The incest doesn't help.

Angelica's okay. But the cut content from the drama CDs probably would've done a lot to make her click as a character.

He probably paid out the butt for all these assets including the costumes.

THERE IT IS! So from over here, it's tinted with propaganda, rumors, and panic due to the "vassal state", heh, having incredibly scary superweapons out of nowhere. Nice.

First off, Osbourne's speech is such transparent propagandistic bullshit, it almost comes off as parody. Second, seriously how did nobody else realize Crow is C?

And suddenly I'm watching an episode of Code Geass. No seriously, the Panzer Soldats give off serious Knightmare Frame vibes. This entire scenario is very Code Geass, in fact.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not even that surprised. Between Orbal Gear, Eidolon Gear, Aieons, and all the archaisms, it was really only a matter of time. NOT complaining.

What the fuck? Misty/Vita was the Second Anguis the whole time? I was wondering why this character was important, but I didn't think she was Ouroboros!

idk i think it was a goodwill
how can you say no when a kid wants a book to read?

yeah lol imagine my surprise when i learn about Yea Forums clowning on it

:)

CS1 does drag but there's a LOT of setup and those guns get fired

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Also, for the first time you're in Erebonia and the characters have an Erebonian mindset, it's not just Big Evil Empire Up There

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I fucking love this sequence of the teachers being badasses. Also, yep, I called it, Sharon's an Enforcer. But twist, an ex-Enforcer. Not enough of a cackling psycho, I guess.

Oh, I was SO hoping that we'd get to actually use Valimar in a real, playable battle. I like that the mechanic is fundamentally similar, but different enough to be interesting.

As a matter of fact, especially against Crow, it's kind of more fast paced and exciting than normal combat. Both in presentation, and mechanically.

Hrm. This ending could go either way. On one hand, it's pretty dramatic and emotional. On the other, the plot kind of stops without really resolving anything. Divisive, like Cold Steel itself.

HA! Immediate cut to credits. And that's it or Cold Steel 1. Flawed. Very flawed, but it made up for it quite a bit at the end there by ramping up the plot in earnest with tons of awesome shit.

Now that I'm done posting my notes, we can distract ourselves from awful real world shit and talk about how this piece of shit comics ruined the very idea of 3D artwork in comics. Fuck you, Chuck.

Now THAT is a porno face, last panel

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I really, really like the opening of CS2 and where it takes you into Rean's mindset and problems

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IronMan Dum Dum having a bowler helmet does rule though

ASSBITE

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Yes. The game has actually done quite a good job of communicating this, with especially the younger characters just accepting or brushing off the imperialism. Not unlike how your typical American might not even necessarily be aware of our homeland's ongoing bullshit.

As usual with Trails, the payoff is almost always worth it. Though I can't help but feel like the build up goes on a lot longer here.

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>most people during bad time read things they are fond of
>story teller forces her followers to read this shit

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don't pretend you didn't know it was going to happen

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Misery loves company.

Again, I love her. She is hilarious, and a great way to keep Ollie's shtick from getting stale.

Fortunately, like with every fandom, I have learned to filter out that whiny crap. I still think Rean is boring though.

By the way, hope you get better soon, dude.

what is that hat lol

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I'll be interested again in your take on the CS2 opening, because it made him click for me

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A bicorne. Apparently, SHIELD is 4ecruiting from Revolutionary France.

That would be a great opportunity, since we are clearly kinda stuck with him and Celine, and Valimarfor a bit after that ending.

Speaking of I'm not taking the piss with the mech battles. Might be a hot take, but that shit rules.