Suicide note was written with the right hand

I love these rambling narratives you used to get on CSI

>someone saw him out and about the day before
>and?
>they said he seemed fine

>let me guess: the Co-worker was black.

>his alibi is his father's funeral.
>and?
>this man is black.

I don’t get it. Do Asian people not wash their silverware

>he's dead sir
>pretty ironic
>why's that?
>labs just came back with his blood work: clean bill of health

chopsticks nigga

damn, work on your csi skills

>sir, I found this

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>sneed feed cope seethe
>cringe
>for you, nigger
>based

Dilate

That doesn’t make sense you fucking moron. Of course the silverware would be clean if they use chopsticks exclusively

>shot in the head twice
>second bullet he was already dead
>there was a dog alone with the body 6 days
>dog didn't munch on body out of desperation
>wifes boyfriend likes dogs and has implicit motive
>maybe he was feeding the dog out of guilt after killing the husband

that wasn't hard

kek

>spits out coffee

makes perfect sense to me, must be you whos a few braincells short of a Y chromosome, slowpoke

>The coffee is still warm, the killer might still be around.

>The murderer must have brought his own silverware
>So he knew his victim would be Asian?
>Then it can't have been a crime of passion

That's literally what he said
You just repeated what he said dude

>O-oooh!
>Character slips on oil with a loud whistling sound
>Bangs his head
>Birds and stars circle around it for a while

Unused silverware gathers dust you dense dumb motherfucker.

>no casings, this is the work of a professional

>nonlinear narrative

It makes sense to you because you’re an unfunny double digit IQ shitskin like everyone else on this board

>chief, there are two cigarette butts in the ashtray
>then there must have been two people here, which rules out suicide

underrated post

>it looks like the victim was dragged across the floor
>that may not be the case here
>why is that sir
>the victim was a quadruple amputee

my nipples are pink, my veins are green. hopefully u learn to open those eyes ju-yung

>schizophrenia and memory loss

Bats are cute
I hate the bad rap they're getting now because of dumb fucking chinks chinking up the world

he had a "what the fuck am i reading" jpg
you can't get any simpler
that's why i posted, partially out of confusion

kek

>our suspect might not have been the killer after all
>what makes you say that?
>he died 30 years before the victim was even born

if anything the chink shit just bolsters their position
what kind of subhuman would want to boil this little nigga alive in a soup?

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based

>”This wasn’t a suicide”
>”Huh?”
>”There’s dog hair on the ground.”
>”What about it”
>”The man didn’t own a dog”

Love you froggy you're smart and cute

fucking based

>it's a twins episode

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split personality

>report says he died from complications from an STD
>so you’re saying this guy fucked?
>no sir, we found a folder of cartoon frogs on his computer

based

Metal gear solid 2?

if you actually believe bat soup story and not realize that it was a chinese bioweapon that escaped from the facility you are doomed

I don't get it

all the same, fuck chinks for coming up with bat soup and gutter oil

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its...homosex

But then he would have to fuck to get it. homosex is fucking

>we searched his house and we didn't find a doghouse
>what's your point?
>it means he's one of them gays

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it looks like this perp may have fucked his own ass, giving himself the aids

>you let my suspect go??
>there's nothing I could do, he had a letter from the attorney-general's office
>to be continued...

?

>>you let my suspect go??
>the only thing we could've got him on was kidnapping

Notice the stretch marks on the shaft of the penis, as well as the red and bruising around the anus, the damaged scar tissue in the taint.

>no work history, no girlfriend, no friends, not even a vehicle registered in his name
>sir this guys a ghost

>But officer, you just did, five minutes ago

fucking hate this shit. the EVIL TWIN oooooh *makes spooky finger movements*

heh

>sir, how did the killer get out of the building without getting spotted by cctv or security
>maybe..
>?
>he never left

>sir, suicide victim had a collection of recordings on his laptop
>what where they, Johnson? Might give us an insight to their mindset
>episodes of I am jazz, and tutorial videos on dilating. I’ve also found copies of payslips, all worth zero dollars
>what sick fuck would work for free?
>I know sir, this is one sick sunnavabitch

Or a nigger with a revolver

Nice

>Green veins
What the fuck are you!?

A DISGUSTING GYRO

>hmmmm
>what are you doing?
>this walls hollow, there's a secret exit

lmao

>his alibi is a date with gf
>he posts on Yea Forums

>That's what the killer wants us to think

>suicide note was written with the left foot
>so what?
>the victim was a snake

lmao

>CSI was considered intelligent by normalfags when it first aired
>parents/aunt and uncle sit around trying to guess the murderer
>there's literally no way of knowing who did it because the narratives are churned out in 5 minutes
>they feel like geniuses when they guessed it was the angry construction worker because he was angry
Maybe it's just because I've been on my own for over a decade, but I miss those moments that used to be frustrating.

>then why'd you let him go, kidnapping is still a crime!
>because, there werent any kids involved, and i aint getting laughed out of the precinct for arrested a geriatric for napping

kek

underrated
I still hate them for not just eating dogs but seemingly taking joy from killing them.

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>NOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T EAT THE HECKIN FLOOFER FLYING DOGGO!!!!!!!!! EATING COWS AND PIGS IS FINE THOUGH

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>Yes.

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I fucking hate both of you, and what this place has become
>batchad.jpg
fuck off

>I fucking hate both of you, and what this place has become
>>batchad.jpg
>fuck off

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Not an argument.

>Not an argument.

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grow up

Not an argument.

>next scene is one of these cops but hes corrupt and talking to the villian/killer and theyre arguing about getting caught

>Hey chief, you gotta come see this...
>Jesus! How long has he been here for?
>Coroner reckons about three weeks, give or take
>Three weeks? Did he not have any friends or family? Not even a girlfriend?
>None that have come forward to report a missing persons case at the very least
>Have we got an ID on the body?
>None. He was practically a ghost, no social media, no job, no pictures of friends or family or happy memories on the walls, no contacts on his phone either.
>And his cause of death?
>Well, our current theory is that it started off as an attempted suicide but the uh, rope snapped due to his large size.
>You mean his morbid obesity
>Yes, chief. And when the rope snapped and he fell we reckon he split his skull open on his computer desk and died a very painful death
>The desk with all the cartoon girl toys on them?
>Yeah
>Christ. Have you done a sweep of all his electronics
>Yeah, but there was something that flagged our interest on his computer. We wanted you to take a look at it
>Huh... this? Just what the hell is an imageboard 'Janitor'?

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>Not an argument

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Not an argument.

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> a wooden door, here in Auschwitz?

>A tiger? In Africa? A tiger in Africa?

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>Chief, we found something!
>It's an envelope with several dozen markings on the back
>At the top it says, "stretched his legs"
>What's it mean, chief?

>sir we got a man on line 1 who claims to be the killer
>and? whats he saying??
>hes asking to speak to you by name, sir

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>Wait a minute, this random case is linked to whoever killed my wife. If I can solve it maybe I can solve my wife's murder!

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kek

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whats their problem anyway?

>we found the real killer

Holy shit that's a small dog

we can go smaller

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>This corpse is dead...Just like my wife
>It can't be a coincidence!

This

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Clean your house

>batresdefault.jpg
Kek. You aight, whiteboi.

>Two coffees black, thanks
>wait.... black.... call up the agency, I think I've solved this latest Chicago shooting!

>we believe the culprit was alone
>wrong
>huh?
>*checks empty bottles*
>most people don't drink two six-packs by themselves

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>briefly

Yes they do Jenkins

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>be Asian
>the only time I use chopsticks is for frying shit
>and eating cheetos

This post gives me Mentalist flashbacks.

>The only time I use chopsticks is for eating cheetos

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"OK mister Smith .. that's all ...... oh wait there is just one thing i cannot understand , if you called the police from the back room then how did you hear the door bell when the murderer rang it?"

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growing up in the US erases all your claims to being 'asian'.
you're just a mutt now

>the victim had a personal diary on his pocket, chief
>and what's it say detective?
>says here he's made several visits to a place called "chuck's fuck and suck" prior to his death
>jeeus christ. get the mayor on the line, we're dealing with a criminal mastermind here. and something is telling me, this case is just the beginning

>A bat and a pangolin
Keked, hard.

you see, one thing that's been puzzling me all week, I just can't seem to figure it out. my wife always says I overthink things, like I was doing the crossword in the newspaper the other day, you know, the good one
>yes yes
well I was stuck on the last word and it was nearly ten o'clock at night, but I just couldn't put it down. my wife told me to sleep on it, and she was right, the next morning I woke up and it popped into my head. just like that
>you're wife is a wise woman, but I am quite busy today, what is the point to this, if you don't mind me asking
well you see, that's the thing. I had the same feeling about the hosepipe in the back garden. you see I always wind mine up counterclockwise, you see it's supposed to be good for the thread inside, you know they put thread inside?
>no. no I didn't know that, how - fascinating
well you see, yours wasn't wound counterclockwise.
in fact, it wasn't wound at all.

>Smell this
>Almonds?
>It's cyanide. He was poisoned

I thought you were joking, but no, you are this retard. Amazing.

>Yes

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based chopstick cheeto eater

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OUI OUI MONSEUIR I COULD USE SOME FROG LEGS TO GO WITH THIS BAGGEUTTE

Qlb je m'attendais pas à voir Soral sur Yea Forums

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This is the Auschwitz so call gas chamber door.

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>There is a magnum dildo directly connected to the computer chair
>So?
>This computer belongs to a janny

No I didn’t.

1. Top panel has obviously been removed so Jews making their pilgrimage can look in
2. It doesn't need to be airtight, lock yourself in a room with a gas generator or a charcoal grill
3. Ot's probably fake anyway, Soviets bulldozed the camp and rebuilt it

>But that’s impossible, he stayed for three days! How could he have left on the same day he arrived?
>Well... It seems impossible, unless...
>Huh?
>The horse’s name was Friday.

kek

>taste this
activated almonds?
>no, cyanide

The rubber on the sides of the door has deteriorated from the air. It was airtight.

>"Sir, we found the Canadian"
>"Where was he?"
>"In his lab"

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based reply

>nails through the hands? thorns on his head? I guess we know the perp had a grudge. What’s the coroner saying?
>that’s the thing... the body disappeared from the morgue last night... this thing is bigger than us chief, I suggest we keep our mouths shut

Next week on Gaius and Aulus

>"So what?"
>"Well, that's not all sir... his dog was with him."
>"There's nothing too unusual about that--"
>"Well, sir, it's just that... he and the dog..."
>"SPIT IT OUT, JENKINS"
>"Sir, you're just going to have to see it for yourself."
>"All right, fine I'll--Dear God."

Based

>i wrote that

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If I kill myself I'll write my suicide note with my off hand to see what happens.

Nobody will give a shit.

>Huh... no recent donations to any females on the internet... Yep. We are dealing with one of those "incel" guys

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>sir we found something!
what is it Johnson?
>well we hacked into his Tinder account. It's odd. It says he's been active for years but only has a couple of matches
ok, so what?
>well, he sends all of these girls one message and they don't respond
Jesus Johnson, that's it! Clearly this tinder account is a front. We're working with a genius

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Okay: That one episode of Monk where the twin found her (more successful) sister and attempted to kill her to take her place, can be spotted by the viewer based on saying "aunt" differently.
Bullshit: That early NCIS episode where the woman seems to be at two places at the same time, twins only revealed by the end.

Have a nice trip!
See you next fall!

Mega kek

hahahahaha

Based

Fuckin a

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lmao

Jonathan Creek did a b8 and meme with that where a guy is killed in America thanks to a firework exploding in his face, but at the same time the same guy is in London at some shitty fast food restaurant and there's pics of him there to prove it.
You think it's going to go down the twins route, but instead it turns out the two were business partners larping as one person and the guy in the fast food restaurant has a secret family who he stays with when his wife thinks he's conducting business in America or something.
The first few seasons of it are genuinely good and most of the episodes always have some kind of cool setting like a big stately home in the country, which I'm always a sucker for.

>that answer just confirmed it
>we got him

>yeah they tie some paracord around their balls and donate to a “tibby steamer”
>if they don’t call their name out, the guy the paracord around his balls hoofs it out a window
>the kids call it parabola

>We're not sure sir, but this man had a deep hatred for them. We think "janitors" is a code word for something else though, take look at this
>"...they do it for free" ?
>yes sir. And we know nobody works for free, so...

Nice

Kek

Is this some kind of post-irony? Or just bait?

>the episode of criminal minds with the evil twin
>but then the other twin was also evil
>and they were both ass-ugly and upsetting to look at

The other day I caught a rerun of an episode of CSI (not sure which one), and they were in the middle east fighting a plot of the ISIS to spark a war between Iran and Israel. Aren't those guys just cops?

are you sure that wasn't NCIS?

genius
i am going to try this now
thanks asian bro

this one is really good

>character lights a cigarette
>"I thought you quit"

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>that criminal minds episode about the guy who cut people's limbs off and than sacrificed them to tornadoes

>that detail of the crime hasn't been released to the public.

lol its funny because cops are lazy retards

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Utterly based.