Where were you when Disney knocked it out of the park yet again with more kino?

His dad isn't just a criminal now but is actually protecting the world or some gay shit and I guess knows about fairies already.

I had already come to terms with never getting a movie. This is infinitely worse

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Ill probably go see it mostly because I own almost all of eoin colfers books and have alot of them on my bed stand right behind me

Millions spent. This close to what we’ve wanted for almost 20 years. Wasted. Imagine.

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>i’m a big fan so i’m going to support the rapists of my franchise
“No”

I will pirate it and buy the new Fowl brothers book instead.

What happened in the last book anyway? I enjoyed it up to the 4th one when the based police chief got killed by a fucking fucking bomb vest. Don't remember much about the others save
>demons and some attempt at a waifu for Artemis
>time bullshit
>Artemis has a split personality for some reason

You don’t want to know.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemis_Fowl_and_the_Last_Guardian

>0.003 mouse shekels has been deposited

>>Artemis is supposed to be Lelouch/Light Yagami-tier super genius/Villain/Anti-Hero/Hero
Your post sickens me

And yet, I’m right. He is the prototypical “All according to keikaiku” protagonist.

You're right, I didn't.

If it makes you feel better a sequel series started in 2019 and Artemis is doing astronaut shit while his siblings go on fairy adventures, and Holly is a commander. Their relationship is kept intentionally vague and will likely be expanded upon in later books.

>and will likely be expanded upon in later books.
at least that's the carrot that he keeps dangling in front of the readers

I don't remember much of the brothers desu. Are fairies just a well known thing now or is it just the family that knows about them?

For the past 5 or so books, yeah. Same old same old for Fowlfags.

I'm not writing it off yet. The talent involved is considerable (the director and writer are both legends in Shakespeare and theatre) so... maybe there's a good film saddled with shitty marketing.

That is his character in the first book though.

>>Father supposed to be missing
>>Isn’t
Yes he is. Kidnapped by Opal Kaboi who has apparently been combined with the drunken sprite.
>Artie starts out as an unambigious hero and friend of the people working for them
I'm pretty sure he still abducts Holly. They're skipping over a shitload in the trailers.

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The plot of the book is he kidnaps a fairy inorder to ransom her for gold to pay the russian mob to let his dad go.

To my knowledge The People are still a secret, but i’ve not read the new book (it only came out like 4 months ago) and I barely remember The Last Guardian.

Then you’re a fucking fool.

He’s supposed to be missing before the start of the film, and not by Opal. Stop shilling for big mouse.

Except that last part is book 2.

Actually, I think the trailer is misleading. The TV Artie is watching in the trailer has a ticker along the bottom saying something about a Yacht being lost in the South China Sea. So what I think happens is that when Artie is younger his father disappears. Or something. I don't know. The timeline of this movie is difficult to parse. The kid clearly looks younger in some shots. So anyway, I think maybe his father disappears, but he's actually on a mission. But something, something Artie pisses off Opal and Opal gets her hands on him. Again, I'm having trouble understanding this movie's plot from the trailer. Everything feels very out of context.

>He’s supposed to be missing before the start of the film, and not by Opal.
I think the two events might be conflated a bit through deceptive editing in the trailer. He disappears, believed lost at sea. But then at a later point, Opal gets her hands on him, and then Artemis gets a phone call from her because that's how she deals with problems, apparently.

In Book 1, Artie wanted more money to fund search parties for his father. So he wanted to financially secure the Fowls by stealing Elf Gold, which is a super brainlet scheme.

I think you are either coping, or shilling. Either way you should stop. This looks like disrespectful trash that shits on the original book.

>brainlet scheme
It worked AND he fixed his mother :^)

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If you're not interested in trying to decipher the movie, why are you here?

To discuss why it’s shit as a fan of the source material? Need a hugbox, mouse bitch?

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wasn't he a fullblown sociopath in the books?

I'm a fan of the source material, and I've learned to take a "wait and see" approach.

He has a heart, but he fought against it in the beginninng.

>Don’t talk about it!
>Buy a ticket and go see it!
No. Go fuck yourself. I’m complaining right now and spreading bad word of mouth as much as I can.

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I think people are ignoring that the "SAVE THE WORLD" stuff likely only happens in the last 30 minutes of the movie. It's like they've forgotten that he turns into a goddamn superspy superhero in the sequel books.

No, wait and see how the film turns out. Nobody's saying you have to watch it. Wait for entire plot to be revealed. Wait for some uncut footage. People thought Sonic was gonna be shit, but it got fixed and was very watchable overall.

>I’m complaining right now and spreading bad word of mouth as much as I can.
Fuckwits like you have helped sink movies that turn out pretty decent in the end.

I will not be quiet. Disney will learn not to fuck with fans. How about YOU shut it, control freak?

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Uh oh the mouse shills are awake and they have their orders...
>Gaslight
>Deflect
>Be quiet
>Wait and see

Fuckwits like you line the pockets of rapists and thieves who pray on the hopes and dreams of fans. Not this time.

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If artemis was a real Irish billionare he'd be Nike trackies with a pair of huaraches

Literally the last thing Disney wants is for people to "wait and see" because they crave that sweet opening weekend box office. But let's be honest. Disney marketed The Hunchback of Notre Dame by removing literally anything potentially dark from the trailers, leaving this movie that was apparently about a singing hunchback and a beautiful town. If there is edgy stuff in the movie, the kind of stuff fans expect from this IP, Disney are not gonna put it in the trailer because they're fuckwits.

>Guyzzzz what if the trailer was le epin troll and the movie is actually gudd?!
>You can’t talk bad about it now!

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Speaking of rapists, it was originally a Weinstein co-production.

If they want to remedy the situation they can respond to the smoldering fanbase. We will not be silent and high on copium.

>That like to dislike ratio
>Those twitter replies
>Even reddit shitters hate it
Absolutely BASED

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>they're going to cut the shortstack /ss/
not interested

Not a thing in book 1, really. Just a bit of tension. The first inkling is book 3 and it doesn’t really go full elf pussy until book 5.

fuck
off
SHILL

I absolutely agree that they need to do damage control. The marketing approach is fucked. Within the next few weeks they need to do a damage control trailer showing the stuff the fans want to see. If they do it, and manage to make the film look good, they will turn its reputation around. No shitty editing. No shitty trailer tropes. Just show us a few scenes of Artie being a criminal mastermind.

It absolutely is a thing in book 1. He watches her fucking bathe.

Imagine the millions lost. I hope some kike loses his job over this.

There is nothing to damage control to, clearly. We can already tell they did Artemis wrong, and Butler wrong, and Root wrong and the father wrong.

>We can already tell they did Artemis wrong, and Butler wrong, and Root wrong and the father wrong.
Only racist white boys have a problem with Butler. As for Artie and his father, that's not necessarily a problem. There are several interesting directions it can be taken. The chief issue is whether they've completely fucked Artie or whether the trailers are Snow Dogs-tier misleading.

>Race lift Holly to white instead of brown skinned
>Remove her entire character premise by gender flipping Root and making Holly no longer the first female fairy cop under pressure to be a perfect test run
It's like they aimed to increase diversity in the cast but somehow made it so they went backwards instead.

Book: Child Hans Gruber
Movie: Generic wide eyed YA kid

his 'all according to keikaku' persona is silly and fun, and you need edgy autism for it to work.

>if you want your character to be book accurate you’re a racist

Yep, it’s a shill. We got one boys. Look at him and laugh AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

MULAN IS ABOUT TO BE JOHN CARTER 2 AND YOU CAN’T DO A THING ABOUT IT, MOUSEKEK

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No fuck off stop changing an established character's race
Butler and Juliet are white, Holly is brown

it's maddening
holly's career arc in the books is literally one enormous "yass elf slay" story

and they chose to fuck it up for the meme value of JULIA root

Why does this film seem to be time traveled from 2007? It feels like Eragon, The Golden Compass, etc, those kids fantasy adaptations made to cash in on Harry Potter's success that always butchered their books in the process.

Because it did. The film has been in development hell for almost 20 years and they never learned their fucking lesson.

DO
RIGHT
BY
THE
FANS

>they literally had a canon minority female trailblazer character written out for them and managed to botch it
Kind of amazing actually.

Not only that, a canon minority trailblazer character that the fanbase not only likes, but is kind of obsessed over. You got handed a perfect opportunity and you fucked it for NO REASON LMAO
>HURR DURR THINGS NEED TAH CHANGE

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They first started plans for a film adaptation right after the first book was published...in 2001. If they had been timely with it it would have come out circa 2005-2007, right in the middle of it all. But development hell struck and it flitted about for a decade til Disney picked it up in 2013. The entire book series started and ended (8 books over 12 years) in that time. Even then it was in development hell again for five years, and here we are.

That girl is super cute though.

She’d be a decent Holly in a better movie. I’d prefer her a little browner, but hey, no problem.

why not just cast that actress as Juliet instead?

>Holly already has a feminist angle in canon by being the first female on the force
That was her whole deal in the books too, retard.

>Holly Short had nut-brown skin, cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes.
Nailed it.

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Nah man, here’s your sexy, big titted, blonde karate waifu.
>This is the girl that kickstarts Artie’s puberty

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>The Golden Compass
Speaking about that, how is the HBO series?
Haven't heard much about it.

That's...what he said? He was pointing out they gender swapped the rough and sexist Root to Judi Dench, completely killing Holly's status as the first female cop

Read more carefully, nigger

Lmao

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that's what he means by "canon" you retard

she looks like 9

why does it look like she's holding a bow

>'Elf genitalia will not save Father. Stay focused!'

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Good, not amazing. Hampered by having a TV budget, though it does a lot with a little (the CG daemons and bears look incredible, better than most films, but they can only show a small number of them). It's a much closer adaptation than the film.

She probably is, can’t have Sig Sauers and Knives in a disney flick :3

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>pale skin, dark hair, green eyes
Incredible. They missed on all three.

A cute at least

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Man I hate you so much. I'm at work and now all I can think of is smol elf pussy

Seems like a lot of fans wanted Ruth Negga to play Holly. Are they aware she is nearly 40?

>real /ss/ playing fantasy /ss/
Even better

Ahem

m.fanfiction.net/s/7832868/1/An-Unexpected-Turn-of-Events

Why does the girl playing Juliet look prepubescent?

No sexy girls for you, user. We need a badass POC who don’t need no man.

Never read the books but just by looking at the character art and reading a bit to get the general tone of it and then looking at some shots of the posters I already feel bad for the fans. How did Disney go from making multiple great classics to this disgusting shit?

But they had a badass POC, and they made her white.

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Your Holly Short in another universe

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Hey I read these books when I was little. They're 100% fedora.

I remember reading this 10 years ago

Based

So Holly?

>Holly no longer the first female fairy cop under pressure to be a perfect test run
Shit, I actually forgot about that. That's fucking stupid.

Well not a PROTAGONIST silly, we need to sell to the chinks too!

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Probably should have been a red flag just from their casting call

>seeking the lead role of, Artemis; must be 5'3" or below, any ethnicity but must have or can do Irish accent. At first glance Artemis could be mistaken for a rather ordinary child with little athletic ability, but his eyes reveal a flickering of intelligence; inquisitive and possessing both academic and emotional intelligence, he is highly perceptive and good at reading people; most importantly, Artemis is warm-hearted and has a great sense of humour; he has fun in whatever situation he is in and loves life. No previous acting necessary.

>Artemis is warm-hearted and has a great sense of humour; he has fun in whatever situation he is in and loves life.

>WARM-HEARTED
>GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR
>FUN
>LOVES LIFE

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This looks like the equivalent of Harry Potter if he was the one bullying his brother, Hagrid was clean shaven and played by Jonah Hill, Harry never met Ron or Hermoinie, was put in Ravenclaw where he met his best friend Crab and Goyle and then banded together to take down the goblins at the bank.

And Disney wipes their brow after all this work and says "what do you think of our Harry Potter novel adaption?"

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Wasn't she pretty young in the first book?

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>Seeking the lead role of Pee-Wee Herman. Must be 5'8 or below, any ethnicity but must have or can do rosy cheeks. Pee-Wee is ice cold, and has a harsh gravelly voice. He is ruthless and crushes his enemies before him. No previous acting necessary.

Bros...

>With a sigh, Artemis began. Gradually, he imagined the smell.

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She's meant to be 4 or 5 years older than Artemis so 16 or so.

She was 16

Now I wonder what Moner would look like with auburn hair.

Book 3 was kino.

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What the absolute shit what did they do to my little autistic vampire.

if holly's supposed to be black then why is it that in almost every rendition ive seen of her she's white
care to explain bookfags?

Should have looked for some who was smart, nihilistic and had a wicked sense of humor.

Doomed from the start. I thought this was a "retooling" thing where they decided in post they didn't want an outright villainous protagonist but clearly they were making him into a YA blob of generic nondescript wideeyedness from the start.

Stupid fans? The same sort that screamed bloody murder that Rue in the Hunger Games movie was a black girl instead of white, even though she's literally described as dark skinned in the book.

She’s neither black nor white, she’s a fairy. Her skin has been described as “nut brown” with no canonical image of her. Nuts can be dark or light, so there is a rift in the fandom for just HOW tan she is, though the consensus has settled to something like this.

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No idea lol

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Her very first scene describes her as thus It's unambiguous.

Basically Latina colour.

>3'3"
I M A G I N E
M
A
G
I
N
E

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>faeries spend nearly their whole lives underground
>they have tan skin
?????????????????????????????

I would have been perfectly fine with a tan white girl, a latina, a pacific islander, a Native American or a really mixed black girl. Just make sure she’s cute with fairy-like features and no accent (maybe irish?) and it’s A-ok.

They're fairies dude.

So basically Moner

They lived on the surface for thousands of years until humans drove them out with pollution. Their struggle to live underground when their instincts scream for the surface is a big part of their psyche.

Almost like they're a completely different species or some shit

>irish
Why would I read non white literature

>what is evolution?

She would be great, yeah.

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I don't know dude, what's the evolutionary tree on made up magic fairies?

>what is magic

>short
>brown
>qt
>charming
Yup. American but maybe she can do accents. Dye her hair auburn and she's good to go.

Something that happens over thousands if not millions of years when environmental pressures force you to evolve?

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It's all over. Even facebook moms don't like it.

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>NOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST DEMAND REALISM IN CONTEMPORARY ART!!! THEY'RE MAGIC SO IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL!! JUST TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF!!!

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here if you are wondering
I dont own The Wish List or anything beyond the lost colony unfortunately
I hope the movie is good from the cg and sfx both looks and sounds good

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is there any reason Butler and possibly Artemis are wearing a traditional Caucasian dress? lmao

That would be the official sign of you giving up and fleeing then.

Series should have ended with Eternity Code.

It looks cool

>That would be the official sign of you giving up and fleeing then.

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I wanna fuck a shortstack fairy

why is holly white

>why yes, I do resort to soijak posting when I run out of any actual arguments, how could you tell?

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It's "nut brown" as in likely to make you nut

>the big delays in actually releasing this movie means the actress for Holly is already a teenager
Good thing they probably aren't counting on sequels

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Based bookchad mommies
>Corona virus fucks you in bugland too
DOA
O
A

Do you really believe that evolution happens in a thousand years of technological comfort?

They’re in the Arctic circle. It’s book 2, which this movie fucks over even worse than book 1.

But The Opal Deception was amazing.

She’s “nut brown skinned” whatever the fanbase decides that means.

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I just watched the trailer, what the fuck did they do to my baby?

Our Artie has been MOUSED

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>Yea Forums doesn't like it
>reddit doesn't like it
>facebook doesn't like it
How do you fuck up THIS badly?

>They’re in the Arctic circle. It’s book 2, which this movie fucks over even worse than book 1.
I've read the book, that doesn't explain shit. Last I checked, Caucasians lived in Caucasus, not beyond Arctic circle.

At least she is cute

>grr cultural appropriation bad
stfu idiot

>take rabid fanbase
>add 20 years of cockteasing
>fuck up a book adaptation thar should have been babby mode (the book is basically a movie)

Stir that up and you get a grade A flop.

>It's kid Die Hard but the protagonist is Hans Gruber instead
How is that difficult to make? They should have done this movie in 2006

Bro it’s russians:the book. Some asian drew this they don’t know. It just looks cool.

Am I the only one who read these books as a kid but remembers almost nothing about them and never understood them at all? Like they were utterly incomprehensible to me. Had the same thing with His Dark Materials. I couldn't make head nor tails of the series at all. Think I had ADHD.

Yes you probably were stupid.

Artemis isn't remotely hard to understand. His Dark Materials goes into some heavy themes later that might go over young readers' heads but it's straightforward prose regardless. So yeah, you are the only one.

no, you're just american

I understood the book completely but for whatever reason I was retarded about what they all look like. In my kid brain Artemis was blonde, Butler was black (but a chad, not like the one in this movie), Juliet was white, Holly was white with Green hair and Foaly looked like Ax from Animorphs

>Your eyes!
>Why are they a different colour?
God, the climax to that one was so satisfying

>the ONE big gimmick the series had over other Potter esque YA fantasy was its protagonist was actually the villain (early on) and a gigantic asshole, and they changed it to make him heroic
bravo

It's funny I think it was more to do with how difficult I found it to visualise things. I remember other books I read much better. I think it was the whole 'fairies' thing which threw me off (which is the only thing I remember about the books).

I'm British.

She looks a lot like another actress (an adult one) but I can't place who.

Butler is explicitly a Eurasian, like a Tocharian or a Uighur. Can't show that in Christian manga, I mean Chinese kinoplex!

It would also explain why Artemis is tsundere for Juliet. Blonde eurasian with Jason Bourne training? The whole first two books are incredibly cinematic in a late 90s way, and then they take away Butler's characteristic Hun heritage and Sig Sauer autism and make him black guy with a fucking fantasy bow? They turn the aspiring criminal mastermind who is described by a waitress as reminding her of a vampire after he chews her out for putting tap-water ice in his spring water, and then shortly afterwards tricks the old boozehound elf into violently purging from all orifices as he smugly waltzes away, that kid is now a cheery, fun-loving lad in a world of wonder?

I can only imagine how badly they'll fuck up the whole blue bomb scenario. The gimmick of the books was it was ostensibly PG but teetering on the edge of R. I mean, Butler gets fucking gored and disembowled by a monster right as the elf police are about to neutron bomb the manor!

I'm not saying that it's the appropriation part that's bad, you retarded tumblrnigger, it's the fact that it makes no fucking sense canonically. Chokha is not thick enough to keep you warm in the Arctic, either.
>Some asian drew this they don’t know.
That's the only explanation that makes sense, but what's bizarre is that you'd have to go out of your way to actually find something as obscure as this before mistakenly associating it with the type of clothing that is worn in Russian Arctic.

>nut brown skin
As in I nut to her brown skin

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Man, now I'm reminded of how fucking tense and well-written the first book was. Littl kid me was at the edge of his fucking seat reading the last chapter.
How the fuck do you mess up a movie adaption this bad? The source material is right there, all you gotta do is fucking follow it. Only scenes I would understand cutting out would be the ones with Mulch since I can't imagine his scat bullshit translating well to a visual gag.
How hard would it be to just keep everything else in?

autism speaks

Adelaide Kane?

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then again, the books for Eragon were trash anyway

Well of course, I was just speaking generally for the adaptations in that decade. Seemed to be the only thing they DIDN'T copy from Potter, which while having the usual changes, was still faithful to the books.

You shut your whore mouth. Arya was a top-tier waifu.

I don't really like actual himalayan cave paintings, but this is pretty much exactly how I imagined the characters

Ivana Baquero I expect

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I mean it was basically kids first crime novel, from the perspective of the antagonists. It reads like an after action report of an interspecies conflict, because it is. It's Arty and his Agent 47 fucking SHOT A TROLL IN THE FUCKING FACE

It's pretty much a perfect kid-friendly noir (again, just tone down the troll shit which would be horrific to see). Or say fuck it, this baby pandering is the worst marketing approach as the books came out almost twenty years ago and no ten year olds have any clue what the series is about, while deliberately infantilizing a book meant for pre-teens to teenagers means that demographic thinks it's uncool and the people who grew up with it won't want to watch it.

They would have done better both critically and financially to have gone the Deadpool route and embrace the gore and edginess. An R-rated Artemis Fowl with firefights and gruesome troll battles would have been kino, and even if not, I bet everyone in this thread would have watched it even if it was trash

But probably more as an adult

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>Arty Fowl movie by disney
>HOLY SHIT IT'S GONNA SPAWN A FUCKING SERIES LIKE PIRATES IT'S FUCKING GREAT
>it's this bland ass shit.

For fucks sake. I bet arty won't even pop his first boner to juliet.

Just release the theatrical cut with cucked gore and then the streaming/bluray cut where we get to see Butler’s guts a bit.

Lets also not forget the Bio-Bomb. Faeries deciding to fucking nuke a place for kidnapping them.

It probably is what they are aiming for,
Im just hoping for a Bartimaeus Triliogy or for the Septimus Heap books to make a film appearance

this is me btw, I have a bunch of other books in boxes and scattered around my house that I have read and that my family have given me over the years. I was never a fan of Danielle steel
im 25 btw

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>not just playing up the
>I NEED MONEY TO SAVE MY FATHER
>instead of just nuking the whole thing

Did any of these fantasy series adaptations actually ever get to finish? Or even get sequels? Despite how huge Potter was, it seems like that was the only one to be a huge hit and also film the entire book series.

Eragon, Golden Compass, Percy Jackson, Narnia, Cirque du Freak, Last Airbender (I'm counting it), they all died on arrival or fizzled out fast.

Yeah probably one of them

Honestly, this. Also why didn't arty make a move of juliet

>Bartimaeus Triliogy
Perfect balance of dark and kid friendly.

>Cirque du Freak
Had a tv show

Series of Unfortunate Events never got past one film either, a shame as it was pretty good.

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...it did?

He wouldn’t betray his basically best friend like that. Juliet was off limits.

Golden Compass is an HBO show now but it goes by its British name His Dark Materials

>The Golden Compass which sliced off the entire downer ending of the first book and just sort of...stops, mid scene, roll credits.
What a mess.

The series was alright. I get the feeling a lot of these would be better served and better appreciated as series. The problem with film adaptations is that they will never satisfy everybody.

>YA thread
For me, it was William Sleator.

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No it had a film, that adapted the first three books....poorly, and died at the box office. Maybe you're thinking of A Series of Unfortunate Events which did get a recent TV adaptation that did all the books in three seasons.

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And is actually faithful to the books instead of watered down Harry Potter chasing tripe

How is Juliet off limits? She's a girl who isn't employed by arty just yet.

aye.

I go SO FUCKING INTO the mystique of the books but just stopped caring. what happened? why were there firestarters and volunteer fire departments?

fun fact: they actually filmed the ending but the director held it hostage for a sequel

His best friend’s little sister. He’s got the power. Don’t shit where you sleep.

If you still don’t get it you’re a woman or a douche bag.

I liked the series, it didn't look as amazing as the film given it was a TV budget, but they had a good cast who got to act wacky. It had a bit of the same vibe as Addams Family Values, the same fast dialogue and morbid sense of humor. Both the film and the TV series made Olaf into a goofy silly villain however and cast comedians, rather than the serious dangerous villain he's meant to be in the books. But at least Carrey and NPH looked like they were having a good time.

....it's a long story
but it had a lot to do with a sugar bowl

The Netflix show was good for the first four or so episodes then got stale (pretty much my experience with the books too). It's not as bad as Fowl, but they also definitely lightened the mood deliberately, the book villains are more openly wretched and homicidal and then the show sanitizes them considerably until they're almost Three Stooges-tier.

Notice how the pendulum has swung and now the progressives are the ones demanding children's entertainment be sanitized? Regardless of political affiliation, some people are just moralizing busy-bodies, whether it's in the name of the Housing Association or the evangelical church, or social justice, that old Puritan fear that someone, somewhere is having a good time.

I was impressed they managed to cast a girl for the TV show who was just as much a pouty sex doll as Emily Browning in the film.

>tfw my YA kino is too fucked up too ever be adapted and ruined

Based

>Six children leave the comfort of their homes. They are drawn to Coldharbour - an eerie wasteland of wind, rats, seagulls and rubbish tips. Emily and Freda, the twins, scuttle bright eyed and insect-like in search of the others. They find Thomas on a food tip. The gentle giant boy Walter joins them and so does Helen, who can read minds. And at the centre of it all is luminous Milo, his skin hot and bright with silver. Each of them has a unique gift, but they must learn to use their skills fast. Drawing ever closer in a maelstrom of fury is the Roar, something vast and dreadful that wants to destroy them all.

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Was decent, but was also willing to kidnap, drug etc. for his family. No murder though I think.

fpbp

>THE GODDAM LIBRULZ IS RUINING MY CHILDREN'S BOOK ADAPTATIONS
>THE FUCK YOU MEAN THEY BE DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP A PG RATING, IT'S NOT AN ACCOUNTING DECISION, IT'S FUKKEN LIBRULZ REEEEE

>sanitizes them considerably
It varied from episode to episode. The Hostile Hospital and Miserable Mill probably came closest to the tone of the books. It's a shame that Netflix reigned in NPH in Season 3 though because him hamming it up was the most enjoyable thing about the show.

take your meds

>make movie based on series of books
>instead of doing each book in order they cram many or all of them into a ~2 hour movie
>no one likes it
>flops
i've seen this happen so many times that ive forgotten how many times this has happened
when the fuck are they gonna learn, the only book movies ive seen that have actually been successful have been the ones that adapted each book individually

Kill yourself, apologist.

it's balanced out by Butler who's constantly "Artemis dude you're going to fucking horrify the entire species and reveal that you acknowledge their existence tone it down, kid"

Sometimes the books are really short and wouldn't be a very satisfying movie on its own, like the Darren Shan books, each of those books is well under 200 pages, I understand combining the first three books (as that series goes in trilogies anyway, for twelve books in total) in that one. The issue was the movie they made sucked dick.

>why were there firestarters and volunteer fire departments?
They were united by one idea at first. VFD was a sect of secret society of intelligent people of different professions who thought they can improve the world by fighting fugurative fires or injustice in the world. They got carried with their masonry shit too far and the schizm happened.

pretty fucking based to be honest

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>130242846
>Artie starts out as an unambigious hero and friend of the people working for them
>carries weapons and wears casual clothes
So, basically Artemis is a young Buckaroo Banzai?

fucking spiro was a fantastic character, the entirety of eternity code was such a goddamn ride

Camouflage with the dirt.

>Only scenes I would understand cutting out would be the ones with Mulch since I can't imagine his scat bullshit translating well to a visual gag
and then disney went HOLY SHIT LETS MAKE JOSH GAD A TOUCH MORE REPULSIVE PEOPLE WILL LOVE IT

poorly written but the core of it was really good. managed to convey a bond between dragon and man far better than a certain song of ice and fire did
so many fucking loose ends though

I will say NPH got a proper hearty kek out of me with a line read in the very first episode, when Olaf meets the orphans for the first time, after the parents die in a fire, and mentions knowing their parents
>Olaf: Well, I hope I can prove myself to be the father you never had.
>Klaus: We had a father.
>Olaf: Yes, I know. And a mother. Remarkable woman. Flammable.

Literally Star Wars

>just as much
Let’s not go that far. Emily Browning was once in a lifetime casting. The new girl is alright, but not at her level.

Who the fuck is this movie for?
Kids won't know or care about a nearly 20 year old book series and the adults who read and loved the books as children will have a fucking conniption because the movie is absolutely nothing like the book.

when? her cell doesn't have bathing shit and she's doing the Ritual when they capture her

everything else has her in full blown combat mode

I think the new girl was about the same level, but the difference was they dressed her in dowdy sort of clothes in the show, like someone's aunt, instead of the blatant gothic fetish gear Emily Browning had in the movie, and in general was played as being more dour. Should have thrown her in the same fishnet getup as the film.

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Butler being a giganigga could've worked maybe.

man i just have to read a description of her look and i'm hard as a rock

fuck

I don't like it, but the fact that this is one of the least bad things from the trailer is kind of shocking in its own right

>that fuckin look

That's for sure.

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Lacey Chabert in Lost in Space vibes

We're never, EVER gonna get a proper Bartimaeus Trilogy adaptation.
You honestly think a series where one main character literally enslaves the other main character would ever fly in current year?

Do Artemis and Holly fuck at all? that's basically all I care about

You bitches don't know pain unless you knew The Dark Is Rising series and what that film adaptation butchered.

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Don't you have some diaper porn to draw and homosexual fanfic to write, tumblr tranny?

She looks sort of ethnic but I don't know what kind.

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>The film grossed $3,745,315 in 3,141 theaters in its opening weekend, ranking No. 5 at the box office in the United States and Canada
>The Seeker had the second worst debut of all time for a film released in more than 3,000 theaters, placing behind Walden's 2006 comedy-adventure film Hoot.[23] The Seeker then lost the most theaters in its third weekend, ahead of Hoot
Ah, that's why I've never heard of it.

Lads, we need to be asking the bigger question; who the fuck is playing Artemis’ crazy mom, and how big are her milkers going to be?

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Only in unofficial stories

I still think the 2000s fantasy adaptions were better than the YA wave of the 2010s were were all teen romance and Twilight inspired. Hunger Games, Mortal Engines, Mortal Instruments, Detergent Series, etc. What a load of shit. The only one I liked was the first Maze Runner movie which was kind of cool, but then it went super generic in the sequel and I tuned right back out.

>emotional intelligence
>warm-hearted
>great sense of humour
>has fun
>loves life
What
The fuck
Am I reading

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Let's hope they adapt Series of Unfortunate Events every decade with a new pale brunette with DSL

>All he could think of was Holly's fat pussy.

He didn’t even like kidnapping, either.
Holly looking so human like disquieted him a lot, and he felt guilty when he made her believe she’d let slip the book’s secrets.
He and Butler even mentioned they were never doing it again

>a great sense of humour
>literally surprises himself at the start of the first book by thinking of a joke because he normally has zero sense of humour
It's like they were trying to go as opposite as possible.

>Divergent Series
>despite mediocre box office results, just barely enough to continue making them, they decided to copy Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games by splitting the last book into two movies for no reason
>first part of the last book bombs at the box office
>cancel the second part
>series ends on a cliffhanger forever
oops

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>tfw Artemis will never get back at Holly for punching him by punching her cervix

werent they making the last one it into some kind of tv movie shit but internet, but then some actress got pissy so they cancelled it instead

im not really into fisting but you do you

Backfired on Hunger Games too. The last book didn't warrant two films at all, so Part 1 had almost nothing whatsoever happen in it and everyone hated it. Then Part 2 pretty much flopped at the box office and Hunger Games ended with a Game of Thrones esque whimper, immediately being forgotten after the first couple of films had been gigantic blockbusters.
The rapid death of these two part adaptations is why Disney killed the initial plan of Avengers Infinity War Part 1 and 2 and gave them individual names and a more clear two film split.

>In July 2016, after the poor performance of the third film at the box office, the producers considered creating the fourth as a television film, which would add new characters to the story who could continue in a spinoff television series, moving beyond the books.[54][56]

>In September 2016, Shailene Woodley stated on Today that the film versus television decision was not finalized, and that it was "a limbo waiting game".[57] In the same interview Woodley spoke despairingly of the chances of her returning to the project in a television format, although noting she would be open to returning to it as a theatrical film.[57] In February 2017, with the producers having confirmed that it would be a television project, it was announced that Woodley had backed out of her starring role.[58]

>In August 2017, Starz and Lionsgate Television announced that they were beginning to develop the TV series with director Lee Toland Krieger and The Legend of Tarzan writer Adam Cozad remaining attached from the original project.[59][60]

>In December 2018, Starz announced they were no longer seeking to develop a television series,[61] citing the lack of interest of the cast and network executives.[62]

what a mess, if they just hadn't split the last book they'd have been finished and done

IIRC it’s only really mentioned in the first chapter she’s in, so the casual reader could pretty easily miss or forget it.
A studio has no excuse, especially one so clearly set on diversity casting

got me

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For me, it was Garth Nix. It's an absolute shame that the Abbhorsen Trilogy will never be adapted to film and they'd fuck it up if it was anyway.

>Divergent: Budget 85M, Gross 288M worldwide
>The Divergent Series: Insurgent: Budget 110M, Gross 297M worldwide
>The Divergent Series: Allegiant: Budget 142M, Gross 179M worldwide
Why the fuck would you greenlight such a huge budget for the third film based off those meh numbers in the first two? You'd be banking on it suddenly doing double its previous numbers at the Box Office to make any money.
I have no sympathy for these retards, they were asking for a loss.
Also kek at the mangling of the obviously themed naming with "THE DETERGENT SAGA" crammed in the front like a tumor, gotta have that BRAND for all the good it did.

Reminder that they end with the protagonist getting friend zoned.
Could be worse. At least it’s not the literal NTR in king killer

Not literally you tard

>nut brown skin
Nailed it

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Literally not even a little brown

She might have been a decent Juliet, she's white but sort of ethnic looking, like some part of Eurasian

Bartimaeus will never get an adaptation, and thank god for that
>demons
>MC does slavery
>MC does magical racism
>buttload of CGI

I haven't read these books, but are they meant to take place over years like Harry Potter? Cos those kids would be hittting adulthood before long.

Yeah, but I doubt this will be getting a sequel

Cute

Well I never thought that but when you start out with a book 1 you must plan to go for more initially

It's a mash up of the first 2 books from the looks of it with elements of later books

I was like 10 at the time but I remember the books being GOAT

Imagine fucking up so badly that Yea Forums is pissed off the actress isn't darker. It's like this flick was calculated to appeal to absolutely nobody

Happened with His Dark Materials already where Lyra is explicitly supposed to start at 11 and be entering her teens (and sexual awakening blah blah) in the third book as a key thematic point, but because of development and filming time Dafne Keen is already in her teens in season 1, and is gonna be around 16 by the time of the last season at least. And she's already got very obvious boobs and ass, she does not look 11 at all.

It's bizarre, he has a semi sympathetic motivation, if they just focused on that. Hell you know what I can do it for them.
First scene of the movie is a flashback dream with artie as a happy go lucky 4 year old who loves his dad, nightmare sequence shows daddy go bye bye, then he wakes up on the flight to see the drunk fairy and we have the rest of the movie to contrast with what he's been forced to become. You can even have the big dumb happy moment at the end where he trades the gold for his mum and we see that side of him come back
There, sympathetic Artemis

What's Yea Forums's opinion on Animorphs, since we're talking about YA shit. I remember disliking a lot of them save for a few. Like the one where they're in the future and rachel is stuck in a crippled body because she can't morph, or a lot of the spin off books. Also Tobias is best boi

It is. It's funny to me, I hated that, but then they change it and I totally lost interest in the series.

>smol
Back to Reddi.tbook, lesbian.

>Ethiopian
>literally named Negga

Nice try, Didley shills, but you are not my brehs

They could definitely keep Mulch stuff with the tiniest of censorships; just don't show any of his tunnelling scenes from behind.
In fact, it's literally a perfect setup for the quippy humour disney loves so much. Just have a character ask how Mulch can tunnel so fast and have him answer with a 'You don't wanna know' and a well-timed fart. It's baffling that they aren't even following their own formulas with this one.

>Dramatic music
>Randomly fades into hiphop
Why do they keep doing this? Do they really think the white nerdy zoomers this is targeted at particularly like or care about hiphop?

I remember loving this book as a kid

what the fuck were they thinking though? they maid root a girl that ruins the whole point of holly's character arc being the only woman in a police special operations unit

What happened in Hamburg?

Those types of well written plots have no place in hollywood. Just do MIB again with some gagoos from Harry Potter

Eh, I think that last part was inevitable given what she already looked like when she was 11

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>author teases artemis and holly romance the whole fucking series
>kiss scene
>them in their underwear together
>entire book dedicated around a fairy human relationship
>"uhhh no what the fuck that would be wrong I can't have them be a couple"

what the fuck was he thinking jesus

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The premise was cool but even as a kid who spent all his childhood reading I didn't have time to read like 90 near-identical books where nothing happens. But I re-read the Ellimist Chronicles several times and think it's grand. There's a bit that gave me nightmares for years when their ship gets pulled into the ocean planet and the MC wakes up on the ocean floor with a tentacle growing into him as he stares at the rotten, water-logged corpses around him . Good stuff. The yeerks were badass too, it's crazy how inventive and dark kids' media in the 90s was and now it's all tepid woke-corporate nonsense

Father did nothing wrong

Edge chronicles was pure YA nightmare material.
Sabriel has its moments too.

>bubble butt at 11
Is that...leeegal?

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Would've been kino if they didn't have ghostwriters doing filler for so many books. It was really ahead of it's time, if it wasn't for the budget required to do morphing and Ax, studios would be all over it
>group of kids are the sole resistance on Earth against an evil space empire conspiracy
>dark and gritty, tons of body horror and gore
>canon interracial relationship between protagonists
>aliens who are actually alien and not just a dude in a rubber suit
>premise means they can do spy thriller or action or heist, no limits

Apparently their relationship is ambiguous in the new Fowl Twins book

By slamming books 1,2 and 4 together.

huh guess me must have changed his mind. back when the last guardian came out he seemed set on them not having a relationship when he was giving interviews. I'll have to check that book out I didn't realize he made a spin off

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Alright lads, we're talking a lot of shit in this thread. But until I see some ideas for better casting choices I can't take any of you seriously. Post em.
Pic related, would be a better fit than Disney's pick for literally every male character bar Artemis.

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Was that the one where it turns out all the technology on earth is based on fairy bullshit and stops working?

That'd be Root right there.

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I always though jason statham would have been a good butler. or honesty dave bautista

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Posted it yesterday.
Asa Butterfield - Artemis Fowl II
Dave Bautista - Butler
Isabella Moner - Holly
J.K. Simmons or Deep Roy - Commander Root, but now I think Gleeson is a good pick too.
Jemaine Clement or Jason Schwartzman - Foaly
John C. Reilly - Mulch
Cudgeon - Liam Neeson
Trouble - Aiden Gillain
MEW or Helena Bonham Carter - Opal
Eva Green or Marion Cotillard as Angeline Fowl.
Don't know who is the best for Juliet and Minerva.

The niggers and chocolate eaters of Yea Forums are pissed, not the whole board.
Any sane kid would think that holly was white.

>any ethnicity
dropped

>Holly Short had nut-brown skin, cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes.

That's your complaint? Not that they completely altered his personality?

Brown girls aren't necessarily black.

well you see they actually meant snow white but it was a typo or something

>disney
>kino

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literally is described having brown skin in her introduction

Any kid who read the first chapter she was in knew she was brown

>unable to detect sarcasm
>tries to claim others are stupid

kekd