Artemis Fowl

Why does that kid look like Baby Driver?

>rap music in trailer

that gonna be a nigger foul for me dog

didn't like the books as a kid and I liked the dullest franchise back then, hard pass.

Artemis is a girls name

wish /pol/ would leave

You had absolutely shit taste then, the first few Artemis Fowl books were fucking great.

>You weren't supposed to see this
>Your father was part of a secret organisation to protect the world
>I'm Holly Short, your agent on the other side
>Bwa'Kell mafia already involved
>Artemis seeming clueless instead of being a mastermind
>Radiohead soundtrack exchanged for Hip Hop

It's deader than I thought it would be.

Super smart genius thief protects the world from knowledge of fairies and magic and shit. Actually more well-written than Harry Potter (though that's not a huge accolade to be proud of)

>The books were fuckin lit

might be just the trailer making him out to be a dumb ass, but yer the hip hop sound track doesn't really fit the movies feel

>protects the world from knowledge of fairies and magic and shit.
That bit is coincidental. It starts out as
>Genius son of MIA mobster tries to reinstate family fortune by stealing fairy gold and tricking the fairies into also restoring his crazy mother's sanity

Wtf? Wasn't the first book about him literally stealing gold from the fairy world and him outsmarting them? He's not even a good guy in the first book.

Say it

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I was a kid when the books came out and I even I thought it was so shit, I donated my copy to the library.

Underrated movie.

I loved those covers as a kid but it didn't click for me at all. It was so fucking confusing to get into

Yeah like I wonder what his ethnicity is/religion? Like what's his ethnicity/religion I wonder? Maybe like it's convenient and it's the same one word idk just asking questions

the books were peak tomboy kino, movie, however, will be shit

Butler putting on the suit of armour is probably the most hype moment in all YA fiction

>no mom
>no Juliet
>no longer conning the faeries for their sweet gold, now part of fae CIA
>Butler, in canon literally the origin of the word "butler" is a fat black man instead of being a 30-something Russian tank
>Mulch is just a fat bearded guy instead of an actual dwarf
>whole reverse-heist plot is out the window, they're going to fight an army to save Artemis' dad
>Artemis probably won't even fugg Holly
Hope Artemis stole some perimortem Henry VIII armor because there's no way tubbychunks there is fitting into anything else

so its artemis fowl in name only

>Artemis probably won't even fugg Holly
Please tell me this didn't actually happen

>story about a villain who becomes an anti-hero who becomes a protector
>lmao let's just turn it into Spy Kids meets Percy Jackson!
Society is collapsing.

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Can't have the main character be a bad guy in a kids movie, especially not a Disney movie. That would be too risky and against the movie meta.

based white boy btfo fairy shits

wait is it a movie or a disney+ series?

I wish they would stop putting rap into trailers.

Supernaturalist was better.

It didn't actually happen but was heavily teased in the final novels.

I've always fucking loved this movie.

this is video game movie levels of fucking up the original plot. they flipped almost everything

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>creationist and SJW
that's a interesting combo

I feel like you gotta pick one or the other

Looks really fucking bad. Guess it's something I should've read a s a child to be even remotely interested in the movie.

It's different from the book quite a bit so even if you read them you wouldn't be interested past seeing how the movie is burchering the books.

a kid savant finds out faires and magic exists and kidnaps one to secure a ransom. The fairy police show up and a siege of his mansion ensues

Juliet is in.

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Or in this case
>a rich kid finds out daddy stole priceless artefacts and the fairies are coming to reclaim them

lame

they've ruined right out the gate by not having artemis kidnap holly

>Poor man's Harry Potter
Wouldn't mind checking this out but after watching the trailer and hearing """rap music""" I vow never to watch this.

They cast a fat, little black guy to play Butler. The books literally cannot stop describing Butler as eurasian in every chapter. It's already ruined as far as I'm concerned.

This movie is fifteen years too late. This series is completely unknown to today's kids. Itd be like making an Animorphs movie.

Who's that black kid with a bow?

no idea why they felt it was necessary to change the plot. The plot in the first book is fine for a film. I'll personally blame producer and studio meddling though

No BLACK iRISH in the film, so I will boycott

The books are really neat, but I think Disney have defanged it completely. There's this interplay of light and dark. He wants to get results, and sometimes this means doing unpalatable things. The movie has him acting like a goodie two shoes. Fuck Disney's corporate takeover of the entire entertainment industry.

fuck off mouse shill

At least Cody Banks was kinda self-centered, and didn't Hillary Duff straight up murder the bad guy?

Because evil white kid kidnaps hazel coloured fairy and torture her. Also, Haven society is hardly better than ours, as Holly is the first female LEPrecon member. No chance for the noble fairies to lord it over humans.

Nothing about this looks even remotely appealing to anyone over 15 years old.

To make this thread you'd have to be either underaged or a shill.

Modern Disney would never allow us to see Holly being captured and imprisoned by Artemis.

>This series is completely unknown to today's kids.
probably why they felt like they can get away with changing so many things for the movie.

>>Mulch is just a fat bearded guy instead of an actual dwarf
To be fair, the idea of a dwarf who can dislocate his jaw and eats dirt and sometimes explosively farts gravel with enough force to incapacitate elite warriors is really difficult to translate to film.

Oh, wait, and he also spends his time as a cat burglar stealing Oscars so he can put them on a shelf and pretend he won them.

Butler's little, formerly wrestling-obsessed sister.

>Disney

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>trailer ends
>but not really
>gotta have a quip at the end XD
every fucking time

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Yeah, I agree it's a shill. But I also want to talk about how badly they're fucking up this adaptation. Butler being miscast, Holly not looking like how she's described in the books. The complete lack of reverence for the smarter points of the original story. It's fucked.

>diversity recasting
>rap music
>plot retcon
>AN ARMY IS COMING
wewlad I'm glad the only YA shit I actually read has already been raped

Reminder that this was originally going to be directed by the man behind the masterpiece that is Cats & Dogs. He also made Son of the Mask, but nobody holds that against him.

people who where 15 when this came out are absolutely old enough to post here now

If this was a success, Disney probably wouldn't have bought Star Wars.

Never read these books as a kid because I didn't read books as a kid because I wasn't a nerd, but I wish I did now seeing a lot of praise it's gotten.

I was 10, 11 maybe.

The audiobooks are very good.

They're pretty good teen books. You might be too mature to enjoy them now. Being the same age as Artemis helps. Still, you can always read adult books, like Jack Reacher.

There's a fan theory that might salvage this a little bit. Artemis is actually Artemis the THIRD. His father is the Artemis we knew from the books. That means his father is already friendly with Holly, and they've had all their exciting adventures in the past. And Artemis's son is the protag in this movie.

Why the fuck did they change the plot?

Did he bang that other genius chick, then?

Every year Disney produce the couple movies to sacrifice to the Death God so the movies they want to be profitable will actually be profitable.

Fowl will flop hard af.

why yes it's been a while since we have bussykino

I think I counted at least 12 Inception button uses.

I'd be okay with that, though it's much less interesting than the original anti-hero story.

>little kids saving the world

How can any adult actually watch this kind of shit?

Sorry to smash your hopes, but black Butler and his sister show they are all meant to be the original characters. Unless you think the Fowl family just happened to hire another bodyguard with a little sister named Juliet.

Is it just me, or are there two Artemis actors in the trailer? Young boy Artemis, and slightly older Artemis? Like, maybe they've deaged the actor a bit? if so, I am willing to bet the younger one you see decoding the language and such is the father. The one doing the fencing and surfing and stuff is the son. Maybe.

That's easy enough to ignore. Quite frankly, I suspect that this film has seen major reshoots, hence its delay.

Yeah you'd think but I guess both are use to double-think so they work together?

>The only negro in the trailer is a servan
Is Disney, dare I say.. based?

The story is about an evil little shit pulling a long con on some fairies to get a metric ton of gold. I read them up to the 3rd book and I don't think there was ever a saving the world plot. There was one plot about stopping humans from discovering fairies, and another about stopping a rival human from stealing some fairy tech and selling it.

BTW fuck Janies the Tranies
You get Band on this pathetic board for replying to a cunt
nowhere else is it that bad
Do you Niggers want to become plebbit maybe apply there you turbo faggots good for nothing Niggers
Fuck jannies
Fuck trannies
Is this responding to off-topic garbage enough for you you piteous sorry-Ass good for nothing subhuman for free doing NIGGERS
TeeVee mods are gay btw

Yeah, this was children's lit through and through. I read them when I was 8-10 and even then I had a slight inkling that all the fairy stuff was kinda cringe. Can't imagine what I would have thought reading it at 15

Dies Artemis bang Holly in the books?

holy fucking shit you kids are morons

>Ignore

Or overlook? Personally I'm not ignoring the horrid miscast of Butler. It should have been that buff guy from Guardians of the Galaxy. He actually looks like the giant eurasian that book Butler is.

more harry potter type spew. would rather eat poo poo and pee pee

that's a yikes from me "dog"

She's a meter tall and he's already bigger than her as a kid. Plus she's 89 years old.

Well the trailer certainly killed all my interest in the movie. I knew they were trying to fit two first books in it but the movie plot is still ???. I hope artemis will be more evil in the actual movie. I'll be mad if he's fit to do some sort of action scenes.

Also I'm mad holly and he never fuccked in the books. That was the biggest het bait ever.

No. They do grow closer, but then their relationship thaws a bit because Artemis lies to her about something. I can't remember the specifics. They remain friendly, but any hint of romance is gone.

JUDI DENCH

bahahahahahahahahhahahaha INSTANT FLOP

well both are authoritarians who can't stand the test of criticism kek

I think they kissed in the 5th book but then time travel stuff ensued and holly forgot or something idk

Artemis Fowl Snr

I'll say it if you say it

You first

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Notice they never refer to him as Artemis Fowl the Second in the trailer, though. They call him Artemis Fowl, the son. Which smells of ruse to me.

Opal Koboi did literally nothing wrong
Mulch Diggums is based
Artemis wants to bang Holly
Butler is a big guy
That's pretty much all I remember from the books

Sorry

>Opal Koboi did literally nothing wrong
Yes she fucking did. Who wants to bet she's the villain in this movie, BTW.

It was the 6th book, and by that point the series had gone full fanfic-mode. They traveled back in time, some weird glitch made Artemis a few years older while Holly became a teenage, and the hormones rushing made her kiss him.

Stash all the ways they've fucked the story

Why is the dialogue so clunky and bad?

Sorry as well

He is hardly ever called the second in the books. Plus why would they call him that in the trailer and confuse people who don't know the plot? This isn't the novels. You're reading into it too much.

This movie was fucking terrible and deserves no forgiveness for fucking up John Carter of Mars

The father has a vault in his house with glowing fairy artifacts in it, and Opal kidnapped the father, and talks about "your family" taking something from her. I suspect that the father is the Artemis from the books. I think this might be a sequel to the books.

>Be black adult
>Seen taking little white boy all over the city
What a time to be alive

>Artemis Fowl
>Saving the world

what the FUCK is the Mouse thinking, if at all?
Wanted to see criminal genius Irish shota kidnapping and fucking over faefags along with getting fussy about his bottled water, not this MiB shit

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I assume it's hard to cast a smart sociopath at the age of 11(?).

Why would you name your son the Greek goddess of chastity? It sounds like passive-aggressive action from a cuckold.

That is the problem with you /pol/ people, you can think anyone else but yourself. First of the black people are 33% of the American population and need to represent in every American video, how do you think black people would feel if they weren't represented?
Second of, it doesn't matter character was of a certain color in the book, most authors have said they regret making their characters white and are in favour of modernising their characters with diversity.

That's actually a plot point in the third book

Cuckold plotline? Figures.

Mulch: "Oh no. This isn’t about the father... this is about the son..."

Yea, this is totally going to be a sequel involving Artemis Jr (Jr).

Can you explain?

>wish /pol/ would leave
Butler being Eurasian's a fucking plot point and bitching about the butler being black isn't something /pol/'s about to do.

>80 yo fairy with a teen
So basically /ss/ with a lolibaba? What a bizarre mix of fetishes.

What the fuck did they to my main man Butler? What the fuck did they do to my teenage waifu Holly??
This is The Dark Tower levels of assrape...

THE BOY IS INSANELY CUTE

here's your Domovoi bro

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>little kids saving the world
The books end with Artemis actually failing to do this ironically.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=FCDtSWZUirk

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wasn't one of the plot points about some dirt eating fairie who unhinged his jaw to eat dirt and then shit it out, I seem to remember this vividly

Artemis is also the goddess of the hunt. At the start of third book the villain mocks him for having a girl's name before, and at the end Artemis toys with him, telling him that he was hunted down just as the greek goddess Artemis hunted down her prey.

>Kino
>The ruined the book and its not kino
Unbased thread

Butler isn't white. He's Eurasian. Emphasis on the Asian bit.

the first book is Artemis kidnapping a fairy cop to ransom her for shitloads of gold. Been well over a decade since I read it, but i think it was to bail out his dad who was in trouble with the mafia. Artemis should be an 11 year old bond vilain, not knock off harry potter

a surprising amount of evengelials are SJWs
I don't really understand it myself. I think it's something to do with them trying to gain more wide appeal that ended up biting them in the ass and now they're inevitably moving towards a schism

They haven't necessarily ruined the book if this is a sequel. I think that the film has been reworked and this is why Colin Farell wasn't on the cast list until literally this week.

I'm hoping that the author gets a animated tv show deal because live action can't support the darkness needed for this series.

Trips for explosive dwarf farts

>gender bending Root
Train wreck confirmed. Everyone but Holly, Artemis and Mulch looks hilariously miscast

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It’s not a sequel. I’m a massive fan of the books and this is neither the original nor “The Arctic Incident”. This is disrespectful garbage and I will not see it.

The only thing that will save this trainwreck is if Opal Koboi is in it and she's hot

>What do we think?
It's 15 years too late, the target demographic has already grown up and it's not big enough for nostalgabucks. I smell a flop

Opal is confirmed but she's being played by a young Korean boy

She'll be played by Oprah Winfrey

>It’s not a sequel.
Then explain why Artemis Sr. has, and I quote, "has protected powerful secrets which have kept mankind safe from the dangers of another world." Artemis Sr in this novel is fully aware of the fairies. And he has a vault in his house where he stores dangerous shit.

Also, note the odd lines from Mulch in the trailer. "Oh no. This isn’t about the father... this is about the son..."

>coherent fusion of magic and technology written for YA
>peak schizo
You've read like 5 books in your whole life

It's an adaptation user. They change shit to fit into a 100 minute movie.

Just a regular guy who offered his son to the demons of Hollywood to do with him as they please.

Maybe I'm retarded, but didn't Eoin Colfer confirm they weren't combining the books? And now they apparently have, and also made it terrible?

>adapt book
>ignore everything that happened in said book
>make movie with bunch of random fucks who's relation to the book characters ends at sharing a name.
For what fucking reason? Platinum mad.

Cope

Reread the final book.

Because its Hollywood Jew shit and they don’t care about actual fans of the material.

I'll stick with the graphic novel/books thanks.
They really should do more of those graphic novels.
They did this dirty Mortal Engines style

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If they turn Artemis Sr into Artemis the Second then it's a sequel. A very loose sequel, but a sequel nonetheless.

Kinda like how Hook is a sequel to Peter Pan. I strongly suspect this is a sequel that stars the son of the Artemis from the novels, and there's multiple lines and images in the trailer to back that up.

The graphic novels are almost as bad. Fuck that artstyle.

I hope they don't sexualize Holly in the movie like they do the books.

Fuck that, re-read the... 7th book? Atlantis Complex.

Not only does it confirm Artemis has feelings for Holly, it shows that humans can live indefinitely with fairy help, solving that little problem.

There's a sequel series that just started out, haven't read it yet.

Root is in the movie despite dying in the books and Artemis is referred to as Artemis Jr in the trailer. 0% chance this is a sequel.

This is just marketing cope, don’t fall for it. The final book does something to the world that would be very apparent if this was a canon sequel.

This is some high level coping

you're wrong

Look how they massacred my boy. This might be the only chance Artemis Fowl gets a live action version and they squandered it on unfaithful generic slop. What a travesty.

I outgrew the series before the last book was released, what happens in it?

so why are they just not following the books?

Because it's a cheap way to introduce the world through little Artemis' viewpoint. The Mouse is afraid audiences can't follow a character who already knows 80% of what's going on.

No one under the age of 25 can save the world.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemis_Fowl_and_the_Last_Guardian

Why is there rap in the trailer?

I just want canon high and tight Holly, is that so much to ask?

I'm kinda sad the author just straight up forgot Minerva exists even if I do actually like Holly x Artemis. Biggest waste of the series though is dropping the "the Opal clone might not actually be a vegetable" arc since it shits all over Holly's hope that she wasn't. Redeemed Opal purging her evil counterparts never.

The casting is still godawful. We were expecting a really creepy kid giving off vampiric vibes and this bouncy dumb child looks ready to star in a hallmark movie

Unclear.

Besides Eurasian I always though he was pretty tall and /fit/. I mean they specifically say he and his sister were Eurasian quite a few times, I'm sure theres plenty of Korean/Jap actors you could use for the Kpop crowd. Odd choice really

so they just made some shitty original movie and slapped the artemis fowl name on it?

>Artemis's soul, which clung on through sheer willpower and intellect at the Fowl Estate, then inhabits the mindless clone.
I'm glad I dropped the series when I did, holy shit.

>Turn fantasy Die Hard for kids into generic YA shit

Hollywood needs to burn. Eoin failed us.

>Root is in the movie despite dying in the books and Artemis is referred to as Artemis Jr in the trailer.
Because everything involving his father was likely done in reshoots. Hence Colin Farell not being on the original cast list. They'll just ignore the fuck out of the books when it suits them, and keep the main bits -- Artemis was a criminal mastermind who discovered the fairies and eventually decided to protect the world. This film has almost certainly undone heavy plot massaging in an effort to fix it after the tepid reception of the first trailer, and the film being delayed NINE MONTHS.

The Artemis Sr in this movie is very clearly not the Artemis Sr from the books. His story lines up with Artemis the Second. Opal kidnaps "Fowl Sr", and has a beef with the Fowl family.

I am confident Holly will show up and part of convincing Artemis will be demonstrating that she knew his father. The whole trailer reeks of a fudgy reboot sequel remix designed to paper over the fact this Artemis is nothing like the book version. So just make him the SON of the book version.

> rap... nigger music
DROPPED

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>tfw The Seventh Tower will never be butchered by Hollykike because basically nobody knows about it
It's like being a Babylon 5 fan and seeing both Star Trek and Star Wars get butchered all over again.

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I dont think he forgot about her as much as he "forgot" about her. Didn't like the character, so she was dropped.

Also, didn't Clone!Opal pull some shit and help stop Opal in the end? Nothing major, but something that hinted she was aware.

Opal wins and ends the world but then Artemis kills himself to kill her. Then they clone Artemis and everybody lives happily ever after except the hundreds of millions if not billions of people Opal killed.

Anyone that has read it will tell you the last few books are an utter shitshow.

The last good book was The Lost Colony. The series went off the rails afterwards. I only kept going to see if Artemis got fairy pussy.

It would seem

>despite all of these inclusive casting changes Holly, who is canonically brown skinned, is played by a white person
Fucking kek

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That doesn’t make sense with the ending of the books.

>Also, didn't Clone!Opal pull some shit and help stop Opal in the end?
Artemis made her do that. To the contrary they clarify there is absolutely nothing going on there. No mind no soul.

Butler had to die so we could have fair-skinned elf pussy

That's the last book I read, thinking it would be the last as the story felt pretty tied up. Reading through this thread I'm glad I dropped it when I did to retain the fond memories I have of the series.

>The Bionicle books will never get a shitty live action adaptation
Sometimes a franchise being completely forgotten has it's perks.

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Or Mandark

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The hell is going on with your gene pool, americans?

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why bros? why?

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>One chance to get it right
>It gets the Molly Moon treatment

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That's a lotta while folx

Like I said, they'll ignore the fuck out of the later books and reuse Opal as the main antagonist, much like the second book. But notice they've completely ditched the entire "Artemis Sr kidnapped by criminals" plot. Instead, Artemis Sr went and stole something from Opal that he shouldn't have. And the trailer makes it clear that Atremis Sr is no stranger to the fairies. So... he's literally Artemis II. Or a version of Artemis II. She's the Palpatine of Artemis Fowl books. Using her is a cheap device. It works.

Jews

Why does he have a black slave?

Alright at this point I'm pretty sure you're trolling, no one can be this desperate.

kek they remind me of elves in tim allen version of santa clause

Disney purposely murdered this movie to drive audiences towards Black Widow so they can claim the MCU is still going strong.
Bit of an aside, but when I was little I really wanted a Ratchet & Clank style game where you play as Holly and fight goblins with a variety of LEP weaponry.

That's a yikes from me

Nah Artemis was mostly a little shit who wanted to be rich (and save his moms from insanity, think he gave half the gold back for that). He thought his dad dad smuggling coke (The drink) to Russia IRC

Why did he never continued it?

I didn't even read Artemis Fowl, I was too busy reading Halo and Bionicle books like a chad and even I could tell this shit wasn't faithful to the source material.

Alright so it doesn’t matter and any losses they’d recoup from fans is gone again because its not canon.

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*died smuggling

That's like the most book accurate depiction I've ever seen of Holly which is sad as fuck.

>roots a female
>butler and juliet are niggers

Watch the trailer user. They've pretty blatantly switched Artemis I and Artemis II. His father is a superspy protecting the world from the world of the fairies. There's a whole scene in the trailer where Artemis is shown his father's secret Fowl-cave or whatever. Complete with tech and artifacts he's keeping out of the wrong hands.

I mean, could it be any more obvious? In the book, Artemis Sr is a criminal going straight. In this movie, he's literally an adult version of Artemis Jr.

Cause it was fucking over? Not sure where the fuck you'd go from there. Decisive end was decisive.

You can find a few. “Nut skin” is kind of broad.

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It was a self contained adventure, but like Artemis Fowl it could go on.

They just badly adapted it user, it's not a sequel.

>Come here Mud boy... or do I have to use my Mesmer?

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>That's like the most book accurate depiction I've ever seen of Holly which is sad as fuck.
There are comics out with perfect accuracy, and Holly is nothing like the thing in that pic.

I think it was "nut brown" I always imagined the same shade as an almond.

I'm actually fine with them merging Root and Raine since it saves them having to do the killing off the commanding officer bit twice in a god damn row. What is this, 24?

I read up to the Atlantis book so someone correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the entire point of the franchise initially that Artemis is the bad guy?
He steals from the Underworld which provokes the attack on the manor, which he+Butler barely survive by the skin of their dicks. The following book they're only working with Holly and Mulch out of necessity, and even up until book 5 they aren't really friends so much as people who keep running into each other.

Absolutely the least of this movie's problems.

Fuck no. The comics are laughably out of line and disgusting looking.

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Cope

Nobody does the hair right. She's usually got a military cut for her helmet. She only has it grown out in a couple books.

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They don't seem to be following the plot of the books at all.
Lame.

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Meanwhile

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explain the troll then
don't cope this hard
they've botched it. just accept it and drop the movie.

It doesn’t look cute, man. Can’t blame fans for that.

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>Includes a sneak peek of The Fowl Twins
Authors disgust me

Artemis Fowl could go on because there was an established fucking threat. Supernaturalists literally ends with WOW, IT'S FUCKING NOTHING.

>Shitty YA novels get adapted poorly
>Meanwhile good novels like Lullaby have to Crowdfund to no success
>Even if Lullaby does eventually get made it will be called a Death Note ripoff despite releasing before Death Note
Fuck this gay shit.

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mobile.twitter.com/EoinColfer/status/1234392664868519936

Holy shit these comments lmao

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Be in denial all you want. Remember that the book author had a pretty heavy say in this movie.

It's established at the end that the gremlins were not the only weird stuff ou there

how much money did he sell the rights for?

>There are comics out with perfect accuracy, and Holly is nothing like the thing in that pic.
The comics are wrong as fuck, m8. Butler's snow white and Holly doesn't even have red hair.

Just smile and bear it user. Nobody will rape our obscure series.

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I can and do.

More like Fartemis Bowel

The best “literally me” in all of YA

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You are correct.

First book Artemis is the bad guy, and does some massively skeevy shit to defraud the faries.

Second book is an "I'll scratch ypue back if you scratch mine" kind of deal that ends in mutual respect.

Third book Artemis fucks that up because he's a fucking idiot.

Forth book they get the gang back together.

Fifth book they get pretty buddy-buddy.

Sixth book Artemis fucks that up again god damn it Artemis stop being terrible.

Seventh and eigth books he pretty much has the faries on speed dial and is working with them outside of crises.

Worth noting is that Mulch is a piece of shit throughout.

Then perish.

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He also said they weren't combining the books.

I feel like Colfer got cucked hard on this one.

>explain the troll then
Easy. No different to how Anakin and Luke both encounter identical situations, both lose a hand, etc. Or how in Back to the Future, each generation of character encounters the same shit. And like I said, it's pretty blatant that the Colin Farell stuff has been added in reshoots. The plot has been refocused in reshoots. The film you're going to watch was largely shot as though he's the Artemis you know and love. But then someone says, "Oh, fuck, this film is in trouble." So they delay it nine months. They rework aspects of the plot, backstory, the central conflict, etc. There's a clear shift in tone between the teaser trailer and the new trailer.

I'd smile if it weren't for the fact that good to great adaptations of Palahniuks work. He may be a total edgelord but damn if his novels aren't entertaining. 'guts' is probably one of the best shock stories of all time, I can't think of another story that has so many cases of people vomiting or fainting after hearing it live.

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>Worth noting is that Mulch is a piece of shit throughout.
Yep, I'm thinking he's based

Oh no, i’ve just gotten flashbacks to all the Artemis X Holly fanfiction I used to read in the day. Here was my favorite...
m.fanfiction.net/s/7832868/1/An-Unexpected-Turn-of-Events

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If it's a sequel starring Artemis's son, then it's technically true they're not combining the books. This is potentially some Evangelion 1.0-tier "it's actually in the future" shit.

>Holly looking disgusted and comics accurate
>Sun's Out Guns Out Juliet
>Mulch looking unhappy to be there
Now this is art by someone that read the fucking books

>comics
books*

>Disney
>company that denied us the kino that was og lighting thief
>AND RUINED BEST GIRL
FUCK YOU

Reminder that the Mouse is his publisher for his current shit.

Kino choice user.
>tfw no sloppy elf sex GF

We can all agree the first 3 books were great and way better than Harry Potter, right?

Most books are

If he's not half-fairy, it's not a sequel.

The first three Harry Potter books were superior to the three first AF.

I need to read The Fowl Twins and see if there's any hints of delicious ArtemisXHolly.

Harry Potter had more potential but never went very far. Artemis went all in and then TOO far later.

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>not casting Moner as Holly
>not casting Vin Diesel as Butler

why

Maybe, but I feel like Harry Potter was more consistent and knew where it was going.

>Vin Diesel
too small

>tfw when no eurasian genki tomboy gf

>not casting The Rock as Butler

From a quick poke around, Artemis fucks off to Mars so he's basically not in them.

I figured Jason Statham.

They kiss eventually in like the fourth or fifth book. Then Artemis loses his memories of their adventures and of being in love with her.

Both Artemis and Holly played by irish actors. So its likely FAS.

Imagine shota Lelouch with his own personal Agent 47 discovers the existence of an underground bladerunner society of creatures from myth. Lelouch decides to rid these creatures of their gold. It’s Die Hard with fairies.

holy shit this looks insanely bad

The boat chapter were was petty fucking good, I'll give you that.

>3'3"
>40lbs
Imagine

Not Asian enough. Keanu could do it, though I find the idea of shaved butler John Wick hilarious.

Been a while since I've read the books, but I always imagined Butler as looking exactly like Agent 47 except slightly more muscular/broad.

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Making commander Root a woman also heavily undercuts Holly's plotline of wanting to prove herself as the first female LEP agent, I wonder why they changed that? Seems like easy woke points for them to go after.

a villain of one of the books says exactly this

I'd read Princess of Mars and a few other Barsoom books and I'm honestly glad it flopped.

I can understand why people like it as a standalone though.

Better then me. I was a retarded kid so I imagined Artemis as blonde (LITERALLY ME!), Butler as a big nig, Holly as a light skinned waif and Foaly as a blue Andalite from Animorphs.

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what book series will disney ruin next bros?

This. The original story already had a compelling feminist narrative built in.

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What is this shit?
I vaguely remember the books being popular in the early to mid 2000s.
They were advertised as Harry Potter spinoffs in my country: “If you liked Harry Potter this other book series is for you” so I never got into them.
The trailer looks reddit af.

That's modern Disney in a nutshell, desperate to make woke political points and then failing to actually think them through.

>We will never get kino Artemis realizing he will time travel in his own future by finding pictures of himself in ancient art because this movie's going to bomb like Hiroshima and Nagasaki

My bet is a second swing at Animorphs.

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I think they just pruned some plotlines to keep the runtime tight. This doesnt feel like a movie thats going to get a sequel even if they are trying, so no time for "unnecessary" plot-threads.

everything looks miscasted, also
>niggers

Looks like doo doo desu lads. The whole point of Artemis Fowl is that he was a smarmy little shit who earned his right to be through his intelligence, cunning, and ruthlessness. I could live with the totally altered plot, but with the changes in attitude this has absolutely nothing to do with Artemis Fowl.

I could write an adaptation of the first book with my ass and still make millions under Disney marketing. No excuse.

>the books
Anti-villain boy genius mafioso alternatively spars with and helps out secret fairy cyberpunk society in the center of the earth while having a will they or won't they romance with the lolibaba elf cop that's trying to mindwipe him or fuck him over half the time.

>unnecessary plotlines
Book one's practically a fucking bottle episode. It's tight as fuck.

Perfect explanation and made me laugh

Animorphs would actually be perfect for a movie, considering the only parts that matter are the first couple books and the last couple. Just shift things around so Ax is rescued as part of their plan to lay siege to the yeerk ship or some shit and you could easily fit the pertinent bits into less than two hours.

She look sexy in that suit

Or just drop Ax because fuck him.

now this is a Holly I can get behind

Threadly reminder to listen to the audiobooks. One throwaway email free trial from audible, cancel immediately away.

Bautista would have been the perfect Butler

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Or just drop Ax because fuck him, yeah. There's a character who only existed for comic relief and because it was convenient to have a character with knowledge of technology the others couldn't know about.

More like it never got one because Lego told all the Hollywood execs that wanted to make a Bionicle isekai to fuck off.

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I felt bad because I think the director tried, but the studio kept cutting it down.

>Book is about a criminal mastermind boy that kidnaps a fairy to get her to heal his mother
>Movie looks to be about a boy that gathers a superteam to rescue his father who has been kidnapped by fairies
WHAT!

Pretty fucked

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I cantbhatebthis movie as it gave me another round of based Purefoy and Hinds together.

Jon spiro pls go

On the plus side, this movie won't be responsible for helping to spread coronavirus cause nobody's going to fucking see it.

They are fucking crazy not to to a total adaptation of the first book.
Could have been a reverse ocean's 11 with magic and shit.
That troll vs Butler scene was so good in the book.

>adapt something that was popular over a decade ago and the only audience is now way past the demographic
when will they learn?

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It's shit.

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>>Movie looks to be about a boy that gathers a superteam to rescue his father who has been kidnapped by fairies
>WHAT!
Technically his father has been abducted by Opal because his father is some kind of guardian and protector against the elves/the elve's world. As some have noted, this could imply the story replaces Artemis Sr with literally Artemis from the books.

The troll scene's in the movie. You see the lead up to it in the trailer with the troll about to be released and Artemis asking what he needs to know about it. Should have a wildly different resolution though.

It's getting a sequel this year. Made 125 million on a budget of 38 million.

Book Opal is literally several kinds of dead and IIRC the books end with magic being exposed.

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Captain Underpants was still recently active when the movie came out between the last few books getting released and the Dog Man spinoff series being kicked off.

There is no why the troll scene is gonna be like in the book.

>wait almost 20 years to adapt a popular children's novel

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>There is no why the troll scene is gonna be like in the book.
Well yeah, don't Butler and Holly both get maimed to fuck and back in that fight? There's no universe where Disney'd put a faithful recreation of that scene in a kid's movie. Disney are fucking pussies.

another flop and another childhood novel ruined

There was never any time. HP massacred AF in the books, it would massacre it again in the films.

and it shit the bed
reforged all over again.

Also noted is that Colin Farrell, who plays Artemis Senior wasn't in this movie until fairly recently. So when it boils down to fixing the movie in reshoots (hence why Artemis seems to look older and younger at random in the trailer), I don't think they're gonna care about overall book continuity. The character matters, not the specific events. Just say that Opal hates the Fowls and whatever Artemis Sr did to her on that "last thing he had to do" in the trailer, caused her to abduct him and try to use him as leverage against his son. And then there's some kind of world ending threat that Opal is likely behind. Which would imply they're involving plotlines from even later books. Or else it's just making shit up as they go along. Point being, the Artemis Sr character is familiar with fairies and their technology. Opal abducts him knowing that Artemis Jr is capable of doing what she wants, but she isn't interested in Artemis Jr specifically, but rather the family. The whole thing feels like an attempt to massage a movie that was way off the rails into something that won't crash and burn. It's what they tried to do with Doctor Dolittle and Suicide Squad and any number of other troubled movies. Rogue One, for example.

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>Cringe

Now is not the time to blame Disney... There will be plenty of time to blame Disney later when this is turns out to be shit.

And everyone else wishes you would leave but here we are.

don't mind me just cancelling out your wishforce with my own wish that /pol/ will stay

I thought the movie was suprisingly good

It’s already shit. They ruined the books.