Good night frens

Night OP. I just read Plotinus and really understood Homer after the third time. Haven’t been this well since 2013. My childhood trauma feels properly complete and understood. Even if I’d die tomorrow I’d be okay with it, my heart finally feels okay. I forgive myself and others.

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I'm glad you managed to resolve this childhood trauma. Remember, Yea Forums wouldn't be the same without you, that goes for as well.

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Love you little frogster fren! Night!!

Thanks guys I’m gonna vent now
I fucked up
No one knows, it’s not morally wrong and no one else got hurt but the fact that I did it hurts
It doesn’t help that I have ocd so the shame and guilt are ten times stronger
Long story short I got addicted to porn and masturbated to some horrible things a few times (completely legal but they’re gross) it wasn’t even the actual stuff I was attracted to it was the taboo nature and the humiliation. It was all a branch from my humiliation fetish and just went to the extreme including toilet stuff.
I’m trying to change myself, I haven’t watched that stuff in around a year and I’m trying to change myself
Thanks to the kind anons in some other threads for help and not thank you to the mean anons
I love you Yea Forums for all your support and helping me bring not such a degenerate

>sneaks into your dark room
>HONK
>cute pic
which specific work of Plotinus was this?

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Forgive yourself user.

1.4, 1.6, IV.7 were the ones I liked a lot

Goodnight little Froggy.

I like these posts on Yea Forums. Have a good sleep and sweet dreams, honestly these posts make me very happy.

Okay bro I’ll try

Sorry dude. Happened to me. I'll try to be more kind in threads now on, sometimes I forget that there is another person on the other side of the exchange. I don't think I'm mean, but I'm harsher than I should be.

It sounds like to me that the potential for social stigmatization is getting to you more than the actual porn itself. Who knows, maybe you actually like these categories but you "hate" yourself, because there's an inner conflict. You judge yourself based on what society would say about this porn, and since you like this porn, you don't like yourself.

Honestly, i think the best way to deal with this is in the very least to be honest with yourself. Is it the porn itself that you like but also somehow dislike (???) or do you like the porn, but you don't like yourself for liking it because of the stigma surrounding it?

I don't think trying to change your interests or fetishes for the sake of having more approval of yourself (because it would align with norms) is worth it. Because an attempt to change yourself, is an act of violence towards yourself, and it usually doesn't end very well.

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How do I get a tranny gf, Apu?

This might not be the usual "you go girl, you can change" type of advice, but i'm trying to help you understand why you might feel bad about it, so that one day you can enjoy whatever porn you want, and not feel bad about it. Wouldn't that be ideal?

Read bataille to understand what you did, sort of. I’ve been stuck with the same feeling and consumed worse things. A lot of my fetishes came from my mentally abusive mom and from having been molested even. It’s alright, just know that. It’s alright. As long as it was just you exploring your own mind and taboo erotic fantasies. After you’ve really gone through them and then detached yourself from it you’ll feel more whole. If I hadn’t it would always have been a weight on me.

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I wouldn't know, i haven't even managed to get a girl gf. Yes, that is right, good night frens bouster is a never ever, and will probably become a 40 year old wraith.

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are you alright anone?

I appreciate the kind words but I’m not sure.
The porn itself made me gag and it still does. I’ve also discovered that porn itself is very damaging especially the hardcore fetish stuff. I no longer even have those fetishes and I have no desire to go back to that life, I used the spend whole evenings just jacking it to porn.

I hate my life

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Have you tried online dating fren?

Okay thanks man I’ll try
What you mean by gone through them is to actually leave them behind and never think about them again right? I’m working on it
Again thanks you’ve made me feel a lot better

Alright, i was just exploring a possibility. If you've made your mind up on the matter and know that you don't like it then why worry fren? You seem to have made much progress on your own. If just reading your venting is what i can do to help then i will. Didn't seem so bad to me honestly.

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Who doesn't fren

No fren, i had some interaction with some girls many years back, all ended in trainwrecks. I have since lost interest more or less.

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I even watched a few scat videos so I don’t know man it was pretty bad but at least I wasn’t a pedo
Anyway bro I appreciate the help so much, what books are you reading currently? I need some reccs

I’m reading East of Eden, fren

I'm not very well read, fairly new to Yea Forums. But i went balls deep into philosophy, as it had been an interest of mine for years, just never got to reading the books. I really enjoy Schopenhauer and Spinoza's stuff, and Seneca. Specifically Spinoza's Ethics and Schopenhauer's Essays & Aphorisms, and World as Will and Representation. I also like to read some H.P. Lovecraft!

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By going through them I mean by fully digesting what you did and why. It won’t bother you then. I did the same by dealing with my molestation. It never leaves but it’s accepted and it doesn’t hurt you then. You’re not perfect, you never were. You’re in this reality to learn.

As both Spinoza and Schopenhauer says and implies, understanding is crucial.

>but at least it wasn’t X
This is an unhealthy way to view regret

frens?

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Yes fren?

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am loneli fren

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Scat, while absolutely disgusting, is not "morally wrong." Whatever two consenting adults do with each other isn't wrong, even if it is fucked up. I don't think you're guilty about the type of porn, I think you're guilty about the depths that you dove to in an attempt to find more and more extreme porno to get you off and the amount that you watched. You seem guilty over letting yourself get addicted to the porn, correct? Figuring out the base issue and why you feel bad about it is the first step in forgiving yourself and moving on. Good on you for cutting out porn though, that shit will rot your brain. All I will say is don't ignore what you're into; if you want a girl to step on you and call you a worm then find one that will. If you have a repressed fetish that never gets explored that will cause issues down the line, I assure you. Good luck my dude, and good on you for improving yourself.

me too

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It’s okey fren

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how come?

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It’s empty and unfulfilling. I don’t enjoy anything.

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whi all u abus so aticulat?
apu neva lernd skool engles lik u ded.

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gn fren

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Hey dude - this sounds like OCD intrusive thoughts. Do you have compulsions as a result? Though it's scary and feels urgent, you can have the thoughts - they won't hurt you