Write what’s on your mind

maybe it was because of the anime op

Yea Forums wouldn't be so assblasted if you losers #learnedtocode

I tried to pick up programming but I couldn't get into it at all and lost all interest. It just wasn't for me and if I force myself to do things like that I just resent it and stop.

Better to have broken it off amicably.

What the fuck lads, i just teared up reading an essay of mine when i reached a rhetorical flare i added at the end of the last paragraph. It was about fucking Weber and rational capitalism, so i have no idea why i'm getting emotional over it—it isn't even that good. I have never been moved by my own writing before, it's bizarre.

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I hate following rules which leads me to believe I will never "grow up" despite being in my late twenties.

I hate sucking dick which leads me to believe I will never "go gay" despite being in my late twenties.

Self worth is gained entirely from outer sources. People who claim it comes from within don't realize how much support they get from others, whether in the form of friendships, praise love or intimacy. We are social creatures and as such we designed, well, to be social. If you are not, than your mind will suffer despite telling yourself you are a 'lone wolf'.

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I agree. If I'm performing at my best, then it's because of someone else's influence. That influence made me sing karaoke last Friday.

>you will never know such a bliss as driving around on a summer afternoon with your crush talking and laughing and feeling the sun on your faces
>this is a feel that will only come to you in dream now
my imagination zone is the only place worth living anymore

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I'M NOT A ROBOT!

I want them to fire me so I don't have to do this anymore but I also wanna keep making money so I survive and no one else has hired me yet.

I've started writing a diary hoping that it will help me become more diligent in other aspects of life. Reading, studying, exercising... All require discipline and I'm sorely lacking in that virtue. I do lift every day, but intellectually speaking, I need to work harder on my constancy. Will forcing myself to write a little bit every day, even if it's just about my random thoughts, help me to accomplish this?

i like this post

who knows, make sure to report back

She hates me and I hate her back. Happiness was never real. I'm exercising and reading but what the fuck am I readying up for? Some days are good, others are shit, all end in despair. I can't feel anything at all. Why am I still alive? Kill me already you piece of shit.

I've received good feedback on my writing on this board, problem is I only write sometimes and it's always very short anecdotal/ semi biographical stuff.

I wonder if keeping a diary would do me good from a creative standpoint.

How are people somehow still naive enough to care about American """"politics?""""

I accidentally discovered the endgame of neoliberalism and I'm scared
pretty sure we are the last free generation

I miss you

I don't miss you.

ARROWHEADS, ARROWHEADS,
ARROWHEADS, ARROWHEADS,
ARROWHEADS, ARROWHEADS,
ARROWHEADS, ARROWHEADS

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I made a decision to stop watching porn and jerking off. So far the withdrawal has been worse than quitting cigs. I had nightmares throughout the first week and now during the second week I've been getting pressure headaches

As liberalism's failure becomes more and more apparent there are actual opportunities for both the right and left to do something in america other than jerk off the military industrial complex. That said most people still just view politics as a spectacle. "Orange man bad!". "Libtards bad!". "Fascist!". "Socialist!". etc.

future generations will not be less "free" than we are, neoliberalism only works to the extent it does (not well) when the populace has some surface level freedoms which prevent them from questioning the status quo too much.

Unless you mean "free" from the destructive influence of technology, in which case you're right and all the people who have been using tablets since birth are fucking lost. Ironically though soon as our generation fades to irrelevance we'll be seen as the weirdos.
>Look at that millennial, he only checks his instagram once a day! The psycho!

I mean in both senses of "free", unless there's a massive rise in luddism.
The key is to realize that neoliberalism's violations of classical liberalism are enabled by technological growth. It will eventually result in a technocratic tyrant-state with absolute authority over every aspect of our lives and we'll live with it because "that's just the cost of having all this great technology"
the globalists don't even know it yet (not all of them, anyways) but they're playing john the baptist for an eternal digital god-emperor

I don't disagree per se but I have to imagine the "tyrant-state" will be an emergent property of our dependence on digital technology to run every part of our lives rather than an actual totalitarian state.

pseudoscience bullshit. stop watching porn, you're allowed to jack off. it's the porn that makes your dick not work, not the jacking off. read a fucking book if you're going to be on the literature board for fuck's sake

probably gonna get banned from spotify soon. I've been using the free version with an adblocker for years and now they've said they're going to take action against things like that

I think I had a bad BLT earlier. It's not pretty.

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I would become a hobo before I became a stembug

I'm literally a software developer and I'm incredibly assblasted

This might be true, I'm not assblasted and I can code.

Too bad I'm too autistic to earn money with it.

t. fleshslave

t. Retard

I recommend you keep a diary, but would highly recommend that you also check out The Bullet Journal system. Having a place to write down and plan your projects and tasks and such is a different criteria from a diary, but both serve very valuable purposes in terms of keeping your thoughts and mind organised and helping to deal with what is important when it needs attention.

>I wonder if keeping a diary would do me good from a creative standpoint.
I find it helps, but more in an indirect way.

You might also want to have look at this article: thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-holiday/2013/08/how-and-why-to-keep-a-commonplace-book/

I used to make fun of my mom for being a zombie mindlessly watching tv when she gets home from work. Now I am mindlessly watching youtube when i get home from work. I need to fucking stop. But how? I'm thinking about not having internet at home, what the fuck do i need it for anyway..

>what to write a political fantasy story
>have to world build and draw a fucking map so that everything makes sense
I just wanted to write a story, man.

>STEMfag in entry level creative writing class
>Hate everything I write
>Bring in least hated piece for workshop
>Class and professor like it
>Humorous piece when most have been edgy, dark, or tryhard deep
>Jokes landed
>Feel miserable despite praise
>dreading revising piece for portfolio assignment
Does this ever get better? The professor is now expecting a lot out of me and I don't even really know how I came up with anything in that story at all. I don't think I can write anything genuinely funny again.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I HATE THE WORLD
I HATE EVERYONE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SCREW YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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All boards are some shade of /r9k/ user

The sun goes down
the sky goes up
the streets dry up by noon
beaming skies;they sweat me up
dawn with the papermache sun
as if I ever looked enough to know
the constant sound of the busy streets
pass me a malboro
the constant sound of the dreaded life
never ever

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Capitalism ruins everything

Modern movies are just a long and expensive clickbait video with made up controversies.

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So many personal development books are written by the "winners" and suffer under the fault of survivorship bias. When are the losers going to share the wisdom of their failures? Where's our guide to living written by the unoticed and unfortunate and the NEET's?

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Now, I'm thinking about this poem.

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I feel my life fading and my ambitions crumbling, but I am filled with such contentment by my friends that I cannot process my own downfall enough to halt it. I would certainly be more "successful" if I could exist without them. But why would I want such an existence? I find meaning and fulfillment in their companionship.

i am a bleeding diamond
covered in the blood of humans
my wounds scabs of earthly soil
but i shine
with the light of a thousand stars
on this cloudy night
woe!
no hell
has known such sorrow

such shadows i throw about
theatre in the smoke above
writhing demon from the cave
why did i choose this fate??

i see them, feel them
yearn them, love them
angels of eternal light
all about, seeing, silent, caring
but answer they seem to not
please save this earth, these people!
please let me be with you!

how many times
must i pray myself to sleep
the dust of my bones
this earth not to keep

purpose cannot be found
therefore it is not to be sought
maybe i chose maybe i didnt
maybe lethe was on my lips maybe it isnt

we lost a million years
to find out we had to waste them
in order to taste them

but one choice remains
lose your brain
think with your branches
let the trees do the thinking for you
ignore this distraction called life
and stare into their eyes

i am the burning fire
longing to escape the black coals
ephemeral, invisible
creating only
by my self destruction

oh i know night will come
over this natal pyre
its quiet rain beget slime
the child's skin coloured in tar
her hands smeared in cocoa

by nature's orders life
can only begin in ooze
of innocence and corruption
mixed in dirt

as the body confined in lifetime
rots in withering blossoms
so the soul unbound in eons
purifies its essence
the hand reaching for daemons
the eyes seeking the child
through alchemical distillation
flesh arrives at damnation
but the rest achieves salvation

a thousand generations
from city to empire
from cart to plane
i had to go through
to realize what my goal
had been all along
- the forest,
where i could finally give you,
my future, my meaning
my story, my glory,
the one thing
that is alone worthy of you,
a kiss

poetry is picking scabs
off a fresh wound
it is removing as much language
as needed to unleash the essence
while leaving the tiniest amount
to let mortals see

The fear of turning into or adopting qualities of people I hate has paralyzed me from doing the things I would otherwise enjoy. I feel more and more unable to extract happiness from things I loved doing. I fight against myself everyday, hopelessly struggling to become something I am not. Soon my will to resist will diminish and I will become all the things I hate. It is better to end it all before that happens

Stop interpolating disrespectful qualities from completely neutral properties. No act is inherently disrespectable, it always depends on the way it was done.

Let's say I have philosophical ideas on the level of and surpassing those of early Wittgenstein - where would I go with them? Do I just collect them in a little book and send them to, well, who? Are there even publishers that care about philosophical works or are they all self-published by professors/unis and shit?

Will the internet ever grow enough for the "I'm too smart to have interesting discussions with normies" to become a reddit-only thing, much like feeling pride about atheism has? I hope it does.

I love /nightwalk/ so much.
Nice cold fresh air and not a soul in sight.
Who else here /nightwalk/?

in the forest always,
in the darkness its like the forest is walking in you

Pueden creer que desde el 2017 que estoy intentando encontrar online un cortometraje llamado Good Choice, dirigido por Robin Comisar y que se estrenó en el Festival de Cannes del 2017. Tiene a Carrie Coon como protagonista atrapada en un comercial de Red Lobster con estética VHS de los 80s en un loop temporal infinito. Llevo tanto tiempo buscándolo porque el hijo de puta del director no tiene ningún interés de ponerlo online y solo se presentó en algunos selectos festivales del hemisferio norte. Incluso hace un año atrás le envié un mensaje por Instagram diciéndole que había interés de que presentara su corto en el Festival Internacional de Santiago de Chile y hasta le pasé el link de las bases, pero no contestó. Literalmente no existe en internet, pero hoy seguí mi ritual semestral de buscarlo nuevamente. Leí los comentarios del tráiler del corto en YouTube (que casi ya memoricé) y noté que había uno nuevo. Decía "search eyeslicer halloween". Le hice caso. Me encuentro con The Eyeslicer, un show de TV autodenominado "secreto", es decir, que en realidad no sé transmitió en TV y solo se pudo ver en selectas funciones en Estados Unidos entre el 2017 y el 2018, u online si tenías algún código secreto y una VPN de EEUU. Resulta que uno de los códigos secretos estaba en un artículo escrito por el creador del show para la revista NoFilmSchool, así que en teoría podría ver la totalidad del show. Hasta ahora consiste de una temporada de 10 episodios, con una duración de una hora más o menos cada uno. Cada episodio es una serie de cortometrajes independientes y extraños. ¿Qué tiene que ver esto con el corto de Carrie Coon? Bueno, resulta que desde el 28 al 31 de octubre del año pasado estuvo a la venta en Vimeo un episodio especial de Halloween del show (de 90 minutos de duración), y uno de los cortos que contenía era nada más y nada menos que el corto que tanto he estado buscando. Streamear el episodio de Halloween costaba 10 dólares, pero luego del 31 de octubre el episodio se autodestruyó de Vimeo (porque el creador del show así lo quiso, al parecer se empeña por hacerlo lo más oscuro e inaccesible posible). Como es de esperar, no pude encontrar ninguna copia digital del episodio de Halloween en ningún lugar de internet. En Yea Forums ni siquiera había habido un solo post en todo el archivo con el nombre del show "Eyeslicer". Por suerte, había otro método de conseguir el episodio especial: en formato físico. Por $25 + $5 de envío + impuestos te enviaban una cinta de VHS directo a tu casa con el episodio de Halloween. El problema es que solo lo hacen dentro de Estados Unidos y yo onions de Chile. Aún así, estoy convencido de comprarlo de algún modo, aunque sea por esos 7 minutos de cortometraje. Valdrá totalmente la pena. ¿Qué creen ustedes?

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Nice, man.
I would be way too scared to /nightwalk/ in the forest.

I wish my friends would be kinder to me and help me. I truly am a persecuted soul. ;-;

if we purposely misattributed philosophical quotes to pornstars could we get a viral thing going??

raping dead babies
>i double dog dare you

I live a surreal nightmare like daily routine.
Everything feels so absurd, people around me are like grotesque caricatures, I strive for sanity .
Music and alcohol are the only gateways to normality, but this can't last for long ad the subsequent realization comes with great sorrow.
What is living worth? For what greater value or higher being if it allows all this?

I like this idea. In science you publish findings even if they are null results. Because knowing what doesn't work or what terminates in a dead end contributes to the knowledge of what does work by narrowing the space of possibilities.

The assumption seems to be that everyone who fails fails the same way, and everyone who succeeds succeeds uniquely and so has some "secret" to share, which of course makes for a good hook for a book or pitch for bullshit speaking engagements. However I bet success can be attributed to far more banal factors.

Wouldn't it be better for completeness sake to compile all the ways life can suck? To document all the myriad paths to damnation, catalogue all the inroads to catastrophe, to map out every misfortune and discuss the play by play of every plight?

I don't attach importance to sunshine anymore, or to glittering fountains which youth is so fond of. I love the darkness and the shadows. Where I can be alone with my thoughts.

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First tldr I've read in a long time. Very inspirational thanks.

lol stfu & get your shit together
or make some great music and off yourself like cobain bennington & mac miller

The shame kills me
Around a year ago I was fully addicted to porn and this caused me to develop some pretty horrible fetishes as an extension of my humiliation fetish, this includes toilet play. It wasn’t the actual stuff that turned me on it was just the humiliation
No one got hurt and that stuff disgusts me nowadays, I don’t even watch porn anymore
Can someone help or recommend some books, will time take care of things and I’ll forget eventually?
I just want the shame to go

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Journalize your own disgust as well as lamentation at your inability to stop yourself and people will feel for you, easy. Acknowledge what you did was wrong, then explain why you did it nontheless and you will never be a bad guy - if your reason for doing the thing in the first place wasn't disrespectable.

What the fuck is wrong with having weird fetishes? Stop running from it and face them, dumbo.

I don’t even have them anymore

Yes, you already said that.

So how do I face them if I don’t have them anymore

Acknowledge them as nothing to be ashamed about. Do this by learning more about them, like where they come from, how common they are, whether anyone comes to harm, fuck if I know, just stop being a pussy about it

But it was fucking toilet play including scat
I mean it’s not like rape or anything and no one gets hurt and I never did them in real life but it’s just weird

Yeah so fucking what if it's weird? Some people have dreams about having their dad solicit them into fucking their mom, some people stick their tootbrushes up their asses while jerking it, some people eat their own cum, so fucking what? What does it matter? user how does it affect their world? It fucking doesn't because it's not a bad thing, it's just a thing you don't talk about publicly. Save your guilty conscience for shit that just makes your own life worse in the long run, like unhealthy habits, fucking others over, procrastinating, whatever applies to you.

I wouldn't worry about it user, you're self aware enough to realize that you don't want to engage in this in real life. I think most people have really fucked up fetishes deep down. You have nothing to be ashamed of, at least you aren't a diaper fag furry running around a convention hall. Find something else to focus on and dedicate your time to and produce things you can be proud of. It took mental fortitude to quit porn and you should be proud of that.

>But it was fucking toilet play including scat
seems like selfkill is the only valid option

What happened

>no one gets hurt
Well for one, you got hurt.

Are you being serious

im housesitting for the in-laws while they're out of town and I just found a movie of them in a mff threesome lmao
unfortunately I can't play the movie since it's on one of them film rolls old-school vintage style and i don't see a recorder or player anywhere around here. i do see my mother in law getting pounded while she eats someone's pussy on the film itself though, among every position you can think of. just wanted to share with someone

Huh

I don't know, backlash for ?

these threads used to make good containment threads for feel posts but newfags took over the board

of course bro, if that's what gets you off, then it would be better if you weren't out there anymore. gotta gotta gotta go.

Thanks for the help bros

Would you be attracted to someone who jacked off to scat shit like that for years? Is that the kind of person you'd want to associate with? Would you consider such a person neurotypical and fit to live in normal civil society?

Eternal Worm: 8/10
Bloodhail: 9.8/10
The Big Gloom: 8/10
Hunter: 9.5/10
Telefony: 7.5/10
Who Would Leave Their Son: 9/10
There is No Food: 6/10
Waiting for the Black Metal: 8.5/10
Holy Fucking Shit: 8/10
The Future: 5/10
Deep, Deep: 9/10
I Don't Love: 10/10
Earthmover: 9.9/10

Why are most humans so bad at communication? It takes people so long to respond to things, or they outright forget, often at the most inconvenient of times. It makes the easiest of things so difficult, and gives one more convincing argument for becoming a mystic in solitude some day.

>It takes people so long to respond to things,
Doesn't mean they're bad at communication, it just means that they don't give a hoot and replying to you doesn't have much priority in their lives.

Probably. I spent the last week trying to organize something only for several people just to show no attempt at meeting me half way, so I might just drop the thing and say fuck it.

Puedes pedirlo a un casillero virtual en estados unidos y luego que te lo envíen a Chile. Suerte.

Out of all the women I have convinced myself that I loved, only one truly knew me. In the spring of 2016 I had the privilege of getting to know O., a dark-haired Jewish girl with eyes bearing the mournful mark of generations of pain and suffering. At first I considered her as the usual - a sexual interest - but how pleasant unusual she proved to be! We knew each other through text only, and at no point did I actually see her in person. Maybe it was better that way: perhaps even irrefutable evidence of Fate...? But I digress. Our interests were uncannily aligned. From the outset she was my equal in every respect, for she was well-acquainted with the arts and matters pertaining to the mind. Not long after our first conversations I abandoned any pretense of my own bastardized romance - that is to say, ours was a Platonic love par excellence, though it took not one but two painful disunions to reach such a realization.
No one close to myself even knows of O.'s existence. She resides in my heart and mind as a looming spectre, a muse gliding on the canopy of Nowhere. Yet, as incorporeal as she seems, those hauntingly deep eyes of hers are too real, too unnerving to meet even in the solace of dreams. Whatever Life decides to allocate, I shall never - indeed, can never - forget her influence.
Like Schubert's "Ave Maria" O. persists in these memories as a melody, some woeful fantasy plucked from the concord between East and West. East insofar as, when we first met, she was a practicing orthodox Jew. Every Friday night at sundown I would bid my porcelain muse farewell until lord Jehovah himself deemed it fit for her to return on Saturday. The Sabbath proved a gruesome torture for my restless spirit. Ah, but on those delightfully warm spring evenings, when all fo Nature teems with Eros' sweet tinge, we would resume our fantasy as if never having stopped. And erotic our talks were: he in whom true passions run rampant must take care to give them expression with taste. Every note of music heard was a chord stretched delicately between us, each word a wisdom a waltz's timely measure. How blessed is the man who lets his inmost being sing!

Only if you go so far as to label yourself a whiny bitch.

What need was there to share with each other the day's mundane caprices? Like lightning we'd hurl at one another various discourses on the most arcane of topics. We each on separate mountain peaks, leaping hither and thither to youthful wit's content. Herr Nietzsche would have been proud to see these two disciples abandon all pretension, and joyfully give themselves to that timeless pursuit of the Moment. I felt in the depths of my soul cry out a primordial German romance, a veritable longing for alpine giants and the Rhine. But in my Northern boorishness I was oblivious to the quietism of my dear O.
Not once did it occur to me that, despite our harmless association, we were always at odds. One may accuse me, perhaps rightfully, of over-aestheticizing a rather unimportant moment. Nevertheless, my fate was thenceforth sealed. The roaring, polyphonic tenor of Wagner's "Tannhauser" fell upon my ears like divinity itself. In its rapacious energy and magnitude I could temporarily efface myself; I climbed humanity's highest a thousand times over while the great Pilgechor vaulted, and each descent from its unimaginably terrible parapets gave me such elation, such overwhelming joy that I must have appeared as one possessed. Of course, I went off at once to show O. the power of Wagner's music. But, and I am moved to colossal embarrassment by invoking this memory, she merely replied that I was becoming too obsessed with Germany and its culture (or something along those lines.) I responded by apologizing in a hundred different ways for my selfishness and downright sacrilegious interest in so evil a man as Wagner. She accepted my apologies, but I could tell she was put off immensely by my intensity. So, in a period of agitation and panic, I decided it was best to ghost her, to call off our otherwise blossoming friendship on account of a single blunder.
For more time than I care to admit I was tempted to contact her again, maybe even explain my inner turmoil from the whole affair. Yet my obstinacy proved far stronger, and every time I felt inclined to text her I would rack myself with guilt for considering such a possibility. A year passed without a word between us. There were whole months wherein I forgot my Jewish princess altogether. But when the springtime fragrances returned, when the dogwoods composed their flowers and oak saplings vied for sunlight I was roused to her enchanting company once more. Luckily - or rather, unluckily - I saved her number in my journal in the almost infinitely unlikely chance I would say another word to her. Here again my cheeks blush at the recollection of myself then: hands atremble, checking my phone every minute to see if she responded. Finally she answered my anguished screams - pleasantly surprised to hear from me again.

You need to be forceful but not rude in your request. Make it clear that you demand their attention right now. Pester them until they give you what you want and thank them when they do. Give them what they want too. If it's a one-sided relationship, where you are the leech, they are justified in cutting you off.

O. was thrilled, dare I say giddy to ask why I had run off and ghosted her, to relate to me the past year's experiences, thoughts, and transformations. I began to notice, however, a frenzied-like rush in my answers. Gone, it seemed, was the repose of the previous year, for in its stead was a constant downpour of delirium. There is little doubt that she likewise took notice of this madness. My questions were outlandish, my jokes were lunatic, and I took offense at the slightest bit of sarcasm. The image of her I once cherished was cracking underneath the weight, revealing my desperation for a perfect form. Finally, she called me out on my rude and intrusive behavior. I was put on trial for my demands, my over-sensitivity, and for utter disregard I showed for her. To hear this from one I once considered ideal was devastating...and incommensurably pleasant. All of the punishments I inflicted on myself for wanting to return to her that year were, at that moment, wholly justified. I felt positively godlike, and in my Old Testament majesty I sent unto myself a flood of guilt and bad conscience. Why would I apologize a second time? What need was there to throw myself at her knees and beg for a third chance? No, I can say with utmost assurance that once I took my second and final leave of her I was freed. She had peered with remarkable alacrity into my psyche, had tore open paltry veil trying to hide an onslaught. Like a madman whose torch had long since been extinguished I set out to the marketplace...
Mighty, invariable luftschloss - he who builds castles in the sky: take care to build above the thunderclouds!

"Waluigi. You need to make a change, or we're through." Light pierced through the choking darkness of the room as the door creaked open. The lock chain didn't provide nearly enough space for Wario to squeeze his body inside, but it was plenty enough to reveal the floor covered absolutely with garbage.

"Go away," said a quiet voice obscured by the blackness.

"You're not even at least in your bed. Are you lying in this trash? How does the landlord allow this?"

I just had a 20 minute edging session ending with me shooting like a cannon and gushing like a fire hose. After the immediate dopamine burst and afterglow, I feel ashamed because this was accomplished with fetish pornography I'm not proud of. This happens EVERY TIME I masturbate.

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Spent the afternoon at friends house we had a BBQ for their birthday. Later on we watched the films Get Out and Split. The Split film has stuck with me, I was constantly trying to figure out the functional dynamic of all the personalities. I was also left wondering why none of them intervened in the events unfolding. Spoiler Alert. When Kevin comes to the surface who has no idea what the other personalities have been up to, he asks and the girl tells him he. He then asks her to get the shotgun out of the cabinet behind her and shoot him. She ends up not shooting him. Now back at my place currently trying to get drunk. I am a little.

Also later while waiting for the train home I noticed an advertisement for a sandwich that was titled “Try and Tackle The Beast”

Your prose is dreadful, but I relate and sympathize with your story. I too met a great woman in 2016, much unlike all the others, I too opened up to her in unthinkable ways, I too burdened her with unreasonable expectations, and I too cut off contact for a year to quell my passion for her convenience. It was a year I regret deeply and the only period in my life that I admit to have wasted, as I always knew my place was with her and there was much left to talk about.
We're back in touch now and I hope to set things straight. Wish me luck!

>We're back in touch now and I hope to set things straight
Relationship rehashes never work out, your expectations are doing a number on you again.

I feel like I ran away and I don't like it. Too many what ifs. A proper rejection would give me closure, so I don't fear it, as long as it's really me that's being rejected. The year I was away feels like a big lie.

What would be a good field of work to go into if you want to work in the nude? No sex work or life modeling.

Then simply stop masturbating.

i love staying up late just to listen to music. listening to seigfried by frank ocean. the best song on the album i think. it just feels so human, so honest. my interpretation of the song is that frank feels conflicted with the idea fame and just wanting to be himself. he doesn’t think he’s a superhero, or “seigfried”, as many would consider him to be, yet deep inside he wants to live like a normal human. “been livin in an idea, from another man’s mind.” i feel that this is the eternal battle humans face. how others perceive someone, and how that person perceives themselves. Stoicism tells us that other people’s perspective cannot be controlled. blah just some late night thoughts.

Can someone fucking explain to me WHAT THE FUCK Wittgenstein meant in the Philosophical Investigations?

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I had a very strange dream. I'm considering writing a short story about it. I will greentext the dream.
>only half asleep, curled on my bed in the fetal position looking across my room to a red light on my desk
>brain starts falling asleep so I begin hallucinating as the dream and reality sort of meld together
>feel like I am on a great vast wall, thousands of feet high
>my body is curled up sheltered in a crack of the wall
>three others are there with me
>it's my turn to rest for months, curled up in the crevice
>far in the distance there is a small red glow that shifts and morphs with time
>we have a little outcropping from the wall made of decaying concrete and rebar
>chained to this is a pod
>the pod is lighter than air and floats pulling itself towards the red light
>we draw it in occasionally and open it up, it uses the light to make food somehow
>we switch between hibernating in the crevice and tending to the food pod
>someone suddenly appears from higher on the wall, climbing down
>disturbs us
>tries to break our food maker away from the wall
>I begin freaking out because we'll starve without it
>I wake up

Think I should?

I was looking at this plate. Made in England around the 1970s. China pattern. The thing about the plate is that the print of the pattern is off-center on the physical plate itself. The imagined thing does not map to the thing itself. I can see the physical flaw in it. The plate is imperfect.

Mechanization of manufacturing means that there are fewer such imperfections. The machine knows exactly where to stamp the plate. The plate knows where to be. And these things are made so cheaply that when imperfections do appear, the object is not imperfect anymore; the object is more often trash. You and I won't settle for purchasing an imperfect thing.

But we all produce imperfect things. This is a constant of living for all. And we've grown so used to it this state that man's mind thrives on imperfection; he longs to destroy it. Maybe this is the transformation of nature that distinguishes man from woman. So if those imperfections disappear, even just in the material world of objects, what does man have left to destroy?

Here you find man trapped. A world of computer programmers creates itself, manufacturing a perfection that thrives on the unceasing battle between error and resolution. A granular world of perfect sand, each element of code perfected and then left behind, increasingly unknowable as more grains stack on top of it. Never desired as knowable. It is already perfect.

As the world produces more and more perfect things, there is less that we will desire to know.

What will happen when it has been perfected?

The phenomenon of twitch stream donations really bothers me. Giving some guy money so he'll offhandedly read out your name or maybe your message is bad enough, but watching a stream with pewdiepie he doesn't read anything out at all. They're literally throwing money at a millionaire for playing video games (poorly) and acting like an asshole.
This guy is fucking RICH and he has legions of people DONATING MONEY to him. Its incredibly fucked up.
I don't know, it really bothers me and i wish i could think of something to say about it that would put my mind at ease.

containment thread. you really want all these blogposts all over the board instead?

I made posts in a previous thread about how I'm finding myself miserable and lonely while living in Japan, and am seriously considering leaving halfway through my contract and another user replied that it may be that I'm just shocked from working a full time job and everything and that may be true to a certain extent but it's definitely not all of it. It's not just that I find myself miserable about the job. It's many things besides that. It's the fact that I don't know a soul here and I know it's impossible for me to have a conversation with any random person on the street. (Making friends with coworkers isn't easy either since everyone has different schedules, some are much older than me, and many have already found their niche here long before I came) It's the fact that I can't even cook myself proper meals due to my schedule and tiny ass apartment. It's the fact that I can't shit and I can't get a good nights sleep half the time. It's the fact that any interaction that requires more than the most basic Japanese is inevitably long and incredibly awkward. It's the fact that not knowing how to read kanji makes everything that's not in English impossible to decipher. It's the fact that extremely simple things that I wouldn't have to think twice about back home become an incredible chore. It's the fact that my weekly skype call to my parents has become the highlight of my week. It's the fact that I hate being packed into a cramped train car like a herd of cattle several times a week. All that and more.....

True, like the other user said, any job I find at home might be unfulfilling but I most likely won't go home every other day feeling this dejected, and demoralized, and spend half the workday with a lump in my throat wishing I were anyplace else.

Unlike that other user though, I had no plans to live here any longer than a year. I don't consider myself a weeb so coming here wasn't like coming to the promised land or anything. I still think it's a cool country and I don't regret at least trying to live here. But, at the end of the day, it's not fair to the students to have a teacher whose heart really isn't in it and I owe it to myself to cut my losses and go home early rather than continue to feel this shitty for another half a year.

Always remember Yea Forums if you don't remember anything else I ever say to you remember this
There are worse things than being lonely

no that sounds retarded

And another thing, people actually seemed to think that thing with Elon Musk and the deer was fucking hilarious but all i found it fucking disgusting.
>WAIT IS THIS SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Yes, a deer drowning in a pool is something that actually happened, how fucking disconnected do you have to be to find this shocking.

Does Yea Forumscord still exist?

I miss the feel of cumming inside a woman.

I've tried to dedicate the last 4 weekends to writing but each weekend I've gone out of town with friends for a party, snowboarding, hiking, and this weekend just a small get together 30 minutes away.

Kind of have nothing to complain about really since I am living a really active social life for the first time in my life but I was supposed to finish this short story 2 weeks ago and I never get enough flow going on the weeknights.

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Where are you based? I'm in Japan too and I had those exact same feelings. I am only staying a year as well so I see a lot of myself in you. If you're nearby I will gladly meet up with you I am definitely not an autist or a weeb. If you can get over the hump it is really worth it in a lot of ways man. I was lucky enough to eventually carve out a little social circle with the few ALTs I found who were chilled out so I got lucky. But also man a good way to think of this year is like an incubation period, you have a year over here before you return home so really really work on yourself while you have that privacy. I've really learned how to be more confident and independent since being here since I'm a total outsider and I've just had to rely on myself.

Did you read the full PI or just the 700 propositions? There are a couple extra chapters listed by roman numerals that aren't part of some online pdfs.

I'm missing the feeling of being cummed inside - in my life.

I'm in Tokyo but I'm at an eikaiwa not an ALT (won't say which one though).

And although I'm feeling miserable half the time I don't regret coming here and trying this out, and feel that the time I've been here has already been one of great personal growth. In particular having to get settled in and get everything besides my apartment set up made me feel like I could take on the world, being this far away from home has given me a much greater appreciation of my family, and even though I hate the job, it has helped me a lot in speaking to others, making small talk, and pretending to be more outgoing. But at this point I'm also settled in and fairly well adapted to the country with my own routines and places I go to but I'm still just feeling lonely, homesick, and generally shitty more often than not.

>being this far away from home
Actually I'll add that I have been this far away from home before when I studied abroad for a bit during college. However, that was only for about a month and a half with a group of other students from my uni in a country that I really loved (Italy). I think part of it is that maybe I just don't get Japan in the way some other people do, though like I said before I still think it's a cool country. It seems that for some people (weeaboo or not) Japanese culture just 'clicks' with them. If I was doing this in Italy and still really hated the job and felt really homesick I might be more willing to stick it out for the whole year just because I love being in Italy so much.

bump

I'm going in fellas, wish me luck.

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>what's on your mind

I am an oldfag now. So much of this life I've wasted. Can't seem to snap out of it, either. I will probably die another never-did loser, and that is a sad fucking thought. Think positive!

harmada and end

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I am enmeshed in trap porn and sometimes Nofap helps me think "straight." Oh "god" please help me. The struggle is real folks.

Then do all of that

People already do that

21 yo here. I'm coming to terms with the fact that even though I have an amazingly pretentious view of myself as some sort of genius theorist of the humanities, I am actually a stupid fuck who has not actually read as much as just memorized names and associated concepts from dumb podcast lectures. I need to actually start reading the greats (mostly nonfiction but some fiction in the mix). Things I'm thinking of actually reading include but are not limited to:
>Gilgamesh
>Aristotle's Poetics/Rhetoric
>Something by Confucius, I don't know what
>Meditations of Marcus Aurelius
>The Four Gospels cover to cover
>Augustine's Confessions
>Walden
>Notes from Underground
>Whatever's the best entry point into Foucault

What else do I read to quit being a fucking pseud?

I've lately been coming to the realization that aesthetics are one of the most if not most important things to me. I want to be surrounded by beautiful things and people, to be beautiful and to hear beautiful things. I want to eat beautiful foods and live in a beautiful house with beautiful pets and beautiful children. I want to have sex with a beautiful wife. It sounds so vain writing this out, I've been surrounded by ugliness my whole life and want to be done with it. We as humans are wired to seek out and want to be around aesthetically pleasing things and for good reason, healthiness and good genes are reflected by beauty and we know this on a subconscious level. For too long has my life been ruled by bad faith "true worldism" and idealism, I'm done holding my nose down into the dirt to convince myself how bad existence is.

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So I just woke up from a nap caused from watching a livesteam and apparently my love life is falling apart with my qt and she wants to end it. There is probably a gif or a picture to express how I am feeling but all I can say right now is "huh?"

Definitely I agree. The culture has not clicked with me either. Some people love it, for me it's just overly pedantic and fucking strange. I wasn't a Japanese guy or with any weeb interests like you so I guess we just didn't have anything invested in the culture, but I see so many people like you said who it does click with weebs and non-weebs, so it's just a flip of the coin. Wish you all the best mate, I look forward to going home as well but I'm ready to last the year I think. I'm also somewhere rural so Tokyo might just be way more intense.

I dont know what to do with my life. I dont want to do what others want me to do because i've been doing it for 26 years but nothing comes from within me. I feel like a person who's just a husk filled with dark pitch apathy. I read books for inspiration but theres no spark.

It's not that simple

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They're your hands. You have total control over them.

I don't get the feeling of shame when I masturbate without pornography, but the orgasms are weaker. I have tried to limit my masturbation habits by keeping track of how many times I've fapped since the beginning of the year and tried to reduce that number. So far, I've napped considerably less in February than in January, but that it was probably due to factors other than willpower, such as February having less days than Jan and the fact that I didn't have as much privacy last month.

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Go for the whole bible, not just the Gospels, add Plato, add the Nicomachean Ethics, don't bother with Confucius or replace him with the Tao Te Ching if you want something Chinese.

It sounds to me you're chasing a fairytale. Especially if you were never gifted with good looks. Albeit, I do agree aesthetics is important, but the idea of possessing sheer beauty alone, seems to be a fruitless pursuit. It also seems like you have high standards on what defines beautiful and frankly I wouldn't want to be your friend lol. Don't get me wrong though, who doesn't want to be attractive, have attractive things and be admired constantly? Instead, you're here on Yea Forums complaining rather than doing something about it. Here's a few tips if you want more beauty in your life.
#1. Body Posture. Meaning, this is something anyone can achieve and if you practice it long enough, people will be drawn to you. Even if you're considered hideous, proper body language offsets some of your insecurities.
#2. Gaze forward, never* downwards. This requires extreme effort but when you start doing this, attention comes your way indefinitely.

That's it. When you start to look and listen, the beauty you speak of reveals itself.

Mind you, I know I sound like I just got done giving advice to virgins on /fit/, but in all seriousness, stop being a whiny bitch and be realistic . Know that beauty is only achievable from within as cliche and vapid as that sounds. If you have money, forget what I said and buy your happiness you dog ;)

It sounds to me you're chasing a fairytale. Especially if you were never gifted with good looks. Albeit, I do agree aesthetics is important, but the idea of possessing sheer beauty alone, seems to be a fruitless pursuit. It also seems like you have high standards on what defines beautiful and frankly I wouldn't want to be your friend lol. Don't get me wrong though, who doesn't want to be attractive, have attractive things and be admired constantly? Instead, you're here on Yea Forums complaining rather than doing something about it. Here's a few tips if you want more beauty in your life.
#1. Body Posture. Meaning, this is something anyone can achieve and if you practice it long enough, people will be drawn to you. Even if you're considered hideous, proper body language offsets some of your insecurities.
#2. Gaze forward, never* downwards. This requires extreme effort but when you start doing this, attention comes your way indefinitely.

That's it. When you start to look and listen, the beauty you speak of reveals itself.

Mind you, I know I sound like I just got done giving advice to virgins on /fit/, but in all seriousness, stop being a whiny bitch and be realistic . Know that beauty is only achievable from within as cliche and vapid as that sounds. Contrarily, If you have money, forget what I said and buy your happiness you dog ;)

And then I woke up.

Dear K-
My near inamorata, why must I pain over you? I have awoken, just now from a nightmare. It's about 4pm, and my demons still haunt me. I am aware that is my own misfortune, and I mustn't lay my feelings over your life. It's not fair for you.
I'm still unable to find ourselves alone. Ever since that night at UCSD, last month. I fell in love that night. I felt it too; the way we looked at eachother, and the way we looked at the stars — we almost didn't know the difference. And so, by my own insecurity, I was unable to resent myself. Nor express my love for you. Ever since that night I have been craving for another moment, where we find ourselves in solitude. How naïve of me; asking God for perfection in this entropic world.
I've spend the last few nights dreaming about gaining strength, and finally opening myself once again to a girl. You know me, and our social insecurities don't make it any better. Perhaps after N-, I haven't been the bravest. I confess, she fucked me up. And here I am, pathetically pretending I'm not in the slightest affect by her.
God must hate me; creating me, in a way where I could suffer this much. And some might even call that a gift.
It's my loneliness, that condems me to this pain. I need you in my life. And my heart dies, as another day passes. K-, my fear strikes to the alternative, where you in fact, might not love me back; although is unlikely, since I feel ourselves when were together. It's a possiblity. My melancholy streches my wrists. You have me fucked up within the limits my heart's pain threshold can contain.
I now understand Wether. And his destiny might become of my own. Hence, to my understanding, I would like you to know it's not your fault. But my own. Life has become boring. I have it all, in exception of a vow. And everyone else seen inferior to you. You're the damn most accurate description of perfection: you deserve to be destroyed.
K-, I wish you love. If not mine. Let tomorrow write our destinies, it's my determinism that has given up. And I rather spend my days in pain, trying to make you happy. Instead of trying to make me feel alive.

I'm trying to actually write a serious piece of fiction but I just find myself rewriting the same one paragraph over and over and over again trying to "perfect" it. Is this normal for some people or am I losing my shit?

I'm that way when I'm writing or texting back to anyone. Getting it "perfect" is an understatement. Maybe I'm autistic

Normies vs. NEETs has become a point of ideology for me. I see normies as truly loathesome creatures whose entire mode of being is in maximizing social status, at the expense of all other values. I see NEETdom as a conscious rejection of that - though I'm sure that comes with its own status games as well.

Just take a pic of one of the frames.

what fetish

futa and ryona

>20 minute
Lightweight. I can go at least an hour.

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>they've never had an 8 hour edging session
pathetic

Where you on any particular drugs during this activity?

he's memeing

I actually did that once. I went 9 hours one time.

So, I have the symptoms of ADD but I've never been tested for it. Even other people (with ADD) have told me I may have it based on their interactions with me.

I don't want to go to a therapist though. I'm scared.

Yeah all jokes aside, After a few hours of pulling and tugging I become devoid of any shame and it's unsettling. It's just me and my imagination. Not for the faint of heart. Especially on stimulants.

Scared of what?

Can you list a few symptoms that stick out to you? Also therapy might be your best bet if you don't have anyone who understands you.

I love Jesus Christ

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He loves you too and that's why you look the way you do.

Jesus got me a gf
epic

Having something wrong with me.

My attention level is shit, and has been since before I really got into the internet. I get exploding head syndrome, I get distracted pretty easily, I can hardly focus on one task at a time. Stuff like that.

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Yeah, thanks for offering to help. Although, I haven't thrown in the towel just yet. I'm going to wait until mid may before I decide if I should terminate my contract early and leave or wait until the end of it.

Also, out of curiosity, what do you mean by the culture being "overly pedantic"? You mean all the little social rules like "don't stick your chopsticks in a bowl of rice" type of thing?

HOPE SOMEONE DOES THIS TO YOU ONE DAY, NIGGER!

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>Even other people (with ADD) have told me I may have it based on their interactions with me.

Hmm... I had a similar case where I thought I had add/adhd and references from past friends who "simply agreed" that I might've been slightly off at the time. That obviously didn't help me at all. What I'm saying is that time is a big factor in how you're gonna judge whether you have something wrong with you or not. I'm self diagnosed but I found out that I lacked the basic elements of communication so now I'm overcompensating in my late 20s and it sucks. I would like to get into therapy just to be more mindful about my suspicions and I think for your situation it would help tremendously

i like really want a gf, but i know i dont """deserve""" one

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I'm in my late 20s too and I'm just scared there really is something wrong with me. I don't want there to be but at the same time if there is I want to get help. Also at the same time will it stop me from being... me? I don't know how else to put it, you know?

Ancient wisdom painstakingly transcribed by monks among others for millennia are available on the internet in multiple editions for free and instead you are reading this.

amd or intel?
blue and green?
or red and red?
Very likely this year.
But where...

You hope someone stands infront of him one day?

i do this too. it's natural but probably not healthy
i end up just running around in circles, obsessing and becoming bogged down until the paragraph or scene or whatever it may be is "perfect," which in my mind never actually is
just write. just go. edit shit later. i know that's a cliche but make yourself write without overthinking. most of it you're going to trash but in whatever wall of text you spit out, you'll find a few nuggets that you can expand upon and maybe even take inspiration from. who knows what you'll find through the strainer. get ride of the instinct to compartmentalize

#

>I'm in my late 20s too and I'm just scared there really is something wrong with me.

user, the first step is (accepting) the idea that there could be something wrong with you. Whenever you get over that hump, it'll be that much easier to tackle your problem. I guarantee it.

>I don't want there to be but at the same time if there is I want to get help.

You've gotta take responsibility for your own health if you truly want to find out what's wrong right? I'd see a shrink in a heartbeat but financially I'm stuck. How I look at it, it's still an excuse for me not getting the answers I need so what's there really to lose? In your situation, you'll just end up more miserable thinking what if? So just go for broke and hope to see the other side.

>Also at the same time will it stop me from being... me? I don't know how else to put it, you know?

Not really, but if I were to take a wild guess you don't want to compromise by taking medication or worse, follow a program. There's only one way to find out is there?

You too might wake up one day and find yourself at a firearms tradeshow.

im sad

"The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine."

it was truly a rebirth
for all that lost time
centuries of misunderstanding
conceit and deceit
my sorrow
became truly a Renaissance

alone and buried
forgotten and contempted
i roamed this world
in memories
of all the great ones
that had died before me
praying that they could look
through my eyes
and save this world
but all they did
was cry and bemoan
that terrible fate
that had beggoten their work
for they did not work
for themselves
or for their creations
but only for the future
for us

but we failed
we had in our hands
the fruit of artifice
the glory of labour
the opus of genius
but short was its spring
for we soiled, neglected it
worst of all
we forgot
what we were capable of

but soon as we filled
like beasts a world
of wretched debauchery
math and its wonders
lit within the minds
of the outcasts
the freaks,
that math saved us
for it brough back
within the faint glow
of the digital plains
the wonder not just
of antiquity
but of our own attempt
at repeating its glory
thus shamed
we realized our insolence
and angry at our impotence
we seized the brush
the stiletto, the pen,
and all those devices
that our forefathers
had begotten us
and put them to good use
to restore this humanity
to what it rightfully should be
to save this world of souls

no greater happiness
sprung like blossoms
in the snow of my anguish
than to realize
unbeknownst to me
there were ever more souls
coming to this world
just like me

Is there any literature that deals with the stressful aspects of friendship? The feelings of being inadequate compared to or distrustful toward the people you call your friends? The feeling where it seems you want more to do with them than they want to do with you?

pretty sure i've successfully left Yea Forums, Yea Forums is the only place i go to anymore.
Too bad i've replaced Yea Forums with other internet stuff, although i seem to be happier and more motivated. I do recommend stoping browsing Yea Forums though.
i've actually managed to get a gf because i left this place

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There is this girl I've known for some quite time now and I want to fuck her so badly. She drives me insane and I can't get her out of my mind. But the thing is she disgusts me af. She is fucking slut and can fuck anyone whenever she wants (I've might exaggerated a bit, but whatever). And whenever I think about my state and lust for her I become even more disgusted by myself. And she sends me signs all the fking time, like almost entirely naked pics of her body. I want to fuck her, but at the same time I really don't want to... and then I end up masturbating to her pics... This is so fucking stupid when I think about it now.

stop dude, look at yourself. Forget about that whore and find a girl you want to actually date.

Is communism inherently evil?

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Back at home for spring break and I feel deeply uneasy. This doesn't feel like my home anymore.

What other internet sides did you switch to, ex-user?

>pretty sure i've successfully left Yea Forums
>i left this place
Keep telling yourself that kiddo.

I'm constantly seeing posts online about infidelity, failed relationships, etc, and it's bumming me out. Why can people not be good to each other?

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Yes, if you're a disgusting kulak.

This was almost me exactly. I moved too slow for her though ;_;

I have a girlfriend

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For the reward of the propagation of lifeless life I will return a gift in equal magnitude.

Need to stop drinking and smoking. Feel fundamentally fucked. Overqualified for grocery store work and so they won't hire me, but nobody else will either. My calling was in music but I let people convince me I shouldn't follow that path, so I spent 7 years in undergrad flip flopping between degrees before I settled on one that hasn't left me with many opportunities. My brain is turning to mush, I don't read anymore, I don't think. I'm experiencing my downfall, it feels like.

I'd love to experience intimacy again, but I know deep down that I'm not cut out for it. I'm too fucked in the head and I don't communicate my feelings well, and I'm very jealous in those sorts of relationships. I'm very lucky to have the friends I do, there's a lot of love there, but I'm afraid of them all leaving. I've left so many people over the years, willfully or not, and I want it to stop, but it's outside of my control this time.

If this sounds melodramatic, it's because I like being so. Can't really help it desu

I have a gay friend but he is kind of a loser, never kissed and all. I asked him what was about the gay community that made them so promiscuous, and it was an honest question. He said it's all about the individuals and that straight people do the same at clubs (I doubt it) and now he called me a homophobe.
Am I in the wrong here?

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For the first time in a while everything is going smoothly and im depressed. I found a programming job, while 3rd year in uni, losing a lot of weight, reading a good amount, keeping up with grades and uni stuff. But everything is so shit, what do?

On my mind there's a heavy thought of boredom and relaxation. The temperature in my little loft is sky rocketing but I can't be bothered to open a window.
I read hundreds of messages with green grotesque frogs every minute, a never ending madness.
I'm staying behind a screen, watching every letter, word and sentence being formed. I am just a click away from reality.

Taylor?

you said it yourself that he's kissless and a loser, sounds like a cope on his part.

"Mr. Howard, come in here, please."
Todd Howard had a busy day today. First, he got reassigned at the factory. Again. This is the second time this week. Todd went from being a techinician for the technician drones to being a technician for the technician for the technician drones. Todd hasn't touched the assembly line in almost a year now. There aren't any Chicken hands near the line at all, anymore.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Man, or the machine?
He had spent the whole day learning the diagnostic software for the secondary technician drones. The secondaries were basically rejected versions of the primary technician drones when they were unable to repair themselves. Todd had actually made a few Egg friends over the past month. Don't tell his wife this, but there was a cutey patootey simulatoid working the line. Todd doesn't know yet, but her street bod's got an artificial uterus with egg generator.
Most Egg drones have metallic beefy bodies, not meant to ergonomic in the bedroom, but the new Simulatoid line of Egg drones had perfect voice syntheisization, realistic motor control, and had a fleshy skin-like texture applied around the head. Of course, all the line bodies were headswappable, that's where the Egg CPUs were.
Equipped with free-floating torch arms, high RPM motor-servos (all the Chicken people had to get industry-grade auditory bionics to control the dBA, as per OSHA 2.0), and state-of-the-art hydraulic work arms, all of the Egg drones on the line consumed over 30,000 Kilowatts per hour. Power was cut from pay, as was breaks and food for the Chicken people.
The factory was now Egg majority driven, meaning that there was a high turn-over for humans. Any month now, they're gonna fire Todd. And he'll have to go to the government and seek UHW (Unemployed Human Welfare) like the rest of the Chickens.
Todd was at the principal's office at his son's school. He wasn't sure what his son had did, but from the way the assistant principal had SMS'd him at work to his bionic OS, he knew that Jerry had broken Intercreative Moral Code.
"Your son today was caught masturbating in the bathroom during Human History class!"

i remember watching a man climb a tree to hang himself,he was weeping all the while.his crack whore girlfriend had sex with another man,it was all so absurd,how could he not foresee her treachery.me and a few dudes looked at each other with a glint of a chuckle in the eye then talked him down...a week later i heard he went on a town run and picked up a drunk injun,that indian passed out in the car and the man cut his pockets out of his pants and left him in a ditch.

Go check it out with a doctor, I got diagnosed with ADHD-PI at 21 and treatment has seriously turned my life around. I'm just angry that no one caught it earlier and I had to go through so much misery. Now I have a massive inferiority complex and poor social skills, but I have other auditory processing issues so that's not going to change much. When I went to the doctor I just thought I was nuts because I had a lot of the typical ADHD symptoms that had been there forever but I would also occasionally fly into psychotic, stress induced rages and do dementia types of things like forgetting boiling water on the stove and putting my keys in the fridge. Apparently those were symptoms too and I was honestly relieved that I didn't have an infection slowly eating my brain or something.
If you are that distressed about your symptoms, then something is already wrong with you, ADD or not, and you need to have it addressed.

To relate to writing, I struggle with putting stories in order and I get so sucked into visualization that I forget that a reader isn't seeing the same things I am, leaving important information out.

I'm NEVER going to get an actual job. what the fuck was the point of falling for the STEM meme if I'm just as unemployable as if I had studied classical philosophy?

Did you forget to network and do internships?
I did English and am in the same boat for the above reasons.

No I did both, I can still only land shitty internships and contracting work. Which I guess could be worse, but it's still terrible and it's infuriating to have my boomer parents who lucked into amazing careers lecture me on how I just need to keep applying and showing initiative :^)

I mean there's truth to that, though. I know people who couldn't find a "real job" for like a year+ after they graduated. It just takes a while these days

i thought those were like hamburgers or something in that picture lol

He checked his FurAffinity, feeling a vague sense of pride at the number of new favorite notifications in the corner. Sixteen furry porn stories over the past year, twelve of which were commissions - He did the numbers in his head, recalling wordcounts and fetishes and the fluctuations of American and Canadian currency. The end result was a tidy, if small profit, enough to pay at a month's rent on top of his welfare checks. Not bad for a NEET.

Still, his more serious fiction was simmering on the backburner, a dozen half-finished stories in everything from horror to fantasy to a particularly half-baked attempt at literary fiction, involving an unemployed loser who thought he could write stories. Sometimes, he posted them on reddit, and sometimes, they got thumbs up, but never as much as his stories about Starfox characters sucking each other's farts.

Maybe he should stay, maybe he should go. Maybe he should throw away his serious literature and devote himself wholly to the pursuit of sexual gratification through cartoon animals. He had friends who did that, people who could bang out a full 15 page story in an afternoon, and made their entire living riding the tides of anthropomorphic lust.

Maybe he should delete his FurAffinity and off himself, chug the whiskey he'd bought with money from the previous commission, and down the three bottles of expired painkillers sitting at the back of his desk.

More likely, he'd just spend his evening chatting with his friends, then get started on the next story, as he always did. Knowing that thousands of people had jacked off to his work was pretty neat, even if it didn't bring the acclaim that his novel would've, if he'd actually carried it beyond the first chapter. It wasn't much, but hell, it was more than most people on Yea Forums had ever done.

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>have IBS
>feel awful every night after eating
>work starts piling up
>I have a midterm wednesday morning
>haven't even practiced yet
>last test was a 55, will probably have to drop if I don't pass
why is life like this, guys

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Yeah, I guess it's hard to separate the reality from the meme that programmers are all making 100k+ a year right out of college. Still feels bad tho

youtube, twitch, plebbit and alot of otherstuff.
i used to spend 6 hours + on this site, now i only go here like 10 minutes a week
hey, we are all going to make it user

>hey, we are all going to make it user
I sure hope so man.

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For the longest time I thought it was "Arrow, help us."

Met this girl at my unis book club. Really beautiful, her face glowed like the radiance of dusk. She had read Dostoyevsky, Austin, Tolstoy, more than me. Turns out she attends many of the same subjects as me. How reassuring and comforting it is to know perfect goodness that I imagined exists in real life. It's a beautiful world.

I was thinking about extinctions and lonesome george just now, I'm usually pretty able to tolerate the concept and reality of death, but extinction is just blackness to me. All of the dinosaurs, the great ice age species, and now an increasing number of species by our own hand. What a terrible feeling

Based

Why be so defeatist? Are you psychic? Can you foretell your future, and if you somehow can are you somehow unable to change it?

>wake up
>check phone
>no new messages
>last snap received 32 weeks ago
>nothing new from your five instagram followers
>one more day without human contact
li-living the literary lifestyle

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humans are mostly plebs. that's a blessing, not a curse. i actively want people to leave me alone. i only leave my house when i need things. don't feel so bad, you're not alone in your seclusion

Bo the fuck up and go kill pussy at the bar, men mean nothing to them.

I really dont want to make a linked in or """"network"""" to find some meager ass job that I only want to fucking do for money and nothing else. Corparte culture is such fucking garbage holy shit

Took me til 27 to meet the love of my life. Never thought it’d happen, then it did. Just keep going.

my dog died and I loved her more than any human. now I am grappling with the crisis of physicalism, but I want to believe in mind body duality so bad.

All is physical, my friend, and every system reducible to its parts.

Empty beer cans on the road
are ugly, many say
but at night, reflecting bright
they safely guide the way.
Burmashave

Somehow in the past 4 years I've gotten into office work. Basically I take over the administrative day-to-day operations (hourly wage) and start learning about their business and what solutions they need. I always push these small business guys out of their comfort zone to adopt certain tech like a google calendar insead of a big whiteboard or something. Sounds basic but a lot of these guys have no clue how to organize, got more work than they can handle, and no idea of what software they can take advantage of for free, etc.

But at the end of the day I'm just a paper shuffler and I feel pretty bad about it. I have no real skill, I don't actually do anything. Those guys do all the real work, and I make sure their papers are shuffled nicely. This guy I'm with now wants to go far and get big and take me along for the ride. Very flattered by the offer but I'm hesitant.

I'm doing it, anons. I'm dropping most of my classes this semester and switching from computer science to history.

>I'm going to ruin my life bros
I will not tell you what to do user, just make sure you're fully aware of what you're doing

My bro. I switched from CS to Lit & Philosphy.

Utterly ruined me life. I’m now a lawyer, with crippling debt, hating every moment of my life.

You will not get a job with a history degree. You will not learn skills sufficient to help you make it on your own thru your own business or inventions.

You will go to grad school or law school.

Choose a path that will give you the financial and professional freedom to educate yourself.

Da Vinci didn’t need some faggy humanities major to become THE renaissance man, nor did Descartes, nor did Pascal.

Don’t do it friend. Don’t make this mistake. Keep your CS and minor in Philosophy, if you must smear the humanities onto your college transcripts

There is plenty uncertainly left still. My life was complete shit five years ago and seeing how much my circumstances and disposition have improved brews contentment. I need to redefine and stabilize my default state. Move to another country once that's done and expect everything to be different. Too much happened here, most of which is bad and irreparable.

I saw a cute girl at the gym today. Heterochromia is hot as fuck.

I really hope that my antidepressants will work.

Really tempted to emigrate after I work for 2-3 years in my native country. Get some experience so I don't have to do menial labor or something in the new country.

They may. On average though, they don't perform much better, if at all, than basic lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, sleep, etc). But if you've tried those things and they didn't, then maybe the ADs will.

my sleep is pretty normal and i'm dieting (aka losing weight). This will be my 3rd medication but i'm not finding any inspiration or meaning whatsoever.

I didn't mean diet as in going on a diet, I meant more are you eating healthily? No fast food/sodas, more fruit/vegetables, lean meat/fish, so on. And also, I think it's fallacious to expect medications to grant you the ability to find inspiration or meaning, and will in fact just make you worse off for when it fails to live up to an expectation that it can't ever achieve. So far as I know the meds will only allow you to be able to think and function better if they work, the rest of it is on you

As I understand it, antidepressants are supposed to take you out of your stupor just long enough for you to order your life in such a way so the depression doesn't come back when you go off the meds.

It's the last line of defense because nothing else works.

That's what I'm trying to tell you, nothing works because I think you've got the order of operations backwards. You're expecting things to if not outright give you meaning, then to show you the way to attaining it, instead of it coming from within and working its way out.

I'm in roughly the same spot, and I'm pretty sure this is the reason for it.

Why do I feel like every word I write is somewhat fake and it makes me want to puke? I'm starting to think that writing isn't really my thing. Even if I have the brightest ideas, I can't put them on the pages without wanting to kill myself every sentence. Has everyone experienced this before? If so, help!

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I really think writing is giving me anxiety.

>instead of it coming from within
I just cannot see any meaning in this world. Therefore maybe inspiration could shake the things.

I will when I move to the city and buy a gun. hope i get jumped so I can shoot a hobo. don't even care if i go to jail, would help me live a Yea Forums life. literally nothing to lose.
oh nooo I'll have to stay in my room all day, but with free food rent and medical care. the hoooorror. oh goooooodddddd. either i get to kill someone and get away with it, or I get a free NEET life innaprison, or I just get to walk around with a big metal dick. nothing to lose.

I still dont get cultural appropriation, just seems like an excuse to get mad at white people for doing "thing"

It's a legitimate criticism of, for example, people taking things like religious iconography and using it as a fashion statement. 99% of the accusations of "cultural appropriation" are made by dumb twitter users though.

Some of it is offensive. For instance, wearing a head scarf if not Muslim is not done in some countries, though they still expect modest dress from both genders, because head scarves are in Islam to tell Muslim women from Jewish women. It's seen as claiming to be something you're not and a political minefield (sometimes literally). In other Muslim countries, it's required of all women because they follow instructions from later than Mohammed.
The cultures that find it most offensive often use copyright laws to prevent sacred or personal designs from being replicated by others. Natives in Canada and the US do this sometimes with folk art: Tlingit weavers for one example have complex designs which have specific social meaning and traditionally could only be woven and worn by those esteemed in their society, so they sue people who want to wear them as a hoodie or whatever. It also means they can reclaim artefacts as the intellectual property of their creators.

Sometimes the idea of cultural appropriation actually makes it harder for the culture to survive. Japan has a clear case of this: while the west is complaining about the cultural appropriation of kimonos, Japanese kimono silk weavers are begging for enough people to buy their product to keep their looms running. There is no prohibition on use in their culture or outside it like with the Tlingit designs. SJWs are drying up the market they need to survive as far as the Japanese weavers are concerned.

Life is like falling from the rooftop of a skyscraper. Can you stop the fall? No. Can you come back? No. Free will is about your possibility to choose to fart while falling or to endure it till the ground.

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I love you more than words could ever communicate

maybe I could just give you a blowjob and that would get the message across

Are you a girl? If so you can pretend I'm him.

>Are you a girl?

of course not

Trap porn is a pit and it only gets worse the deeper you get.

My goal is military officer, something my dad did, and they aren't so rigidly selective based on major.

>I can't put them on the pages without wanting to kill myself every sentence

That's how you know you're going to make it son. You just need to write enough so that you can get over that state. I felt that as well, until I realized that no writer just writes a novel in one go, and that the first draft doesn't need to be even good, it just needs to exist. Writing is 90% editing.

I went out drinking with my girlfriend last weekend and I realized how disconnected I feel from people. It’s not like I sat alone in a corner or anything, I was making jokes and getting along with everyone just fine. But as the night went on I realized how little I had in common with these people. It’s not like I felt better then them or anything, it was simple a feeling of distance. At around midnight I keep having this deep gut feeling of wanting to go home and finish off my bottle by my self. I wish I could feel close to someone.

Real;istically she has sucked 3 dicks this week

>I wish I could feel close to someone.
>my girlfriend
Consider suicide.

I’m sorry you can’t get a gf user

do you wanna be my gf?

Yo lo haría, de esas conexiones bizarras de internet siempre sale algo bueno.

I started playing that stupid game for an outer space fix. After quitting it, I felt this strange surge of relief which lasted weeks. "I'M FREE!" It's the same feeling I had when I broke up with Alanna. Another similarity is that when the good feeling wore out, I started feeling lonely. Now who on the internet will I drink with?

Read Finnegans Wake. It's the black metal and mars volta of literature. If done right, it will liberate your mind to construe whatever maniacal word or phrase together and feel justified in doing so.

Pour one for me, user.

I dreamt last night that I had a gf. It's strange that you can experience such vivid emotions in a dream; feelings of embrace and content.
It makes me want to start pursuing girls again, but I feel as if I have become too misanthropic and jaded to contend with the antics and minutiae of the rabble.

Everything comes together perfectly in my head. But once it comes time to write or draw it, it becomes a mess. The second I stop to do something else, the image returns in a proper form.

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I FINALLY finished the short story I've been procrastinating on for literal months. Every day I would tell myself I was too tired or not in the right frame of mind to edit and it and put it off. Today I finally did it. It's probably bad, I don't have much investment in it anymore, but it's done. I can justifiably work on my new project now, which I am actually quite excited about and will hopefully be of wider interest than whatever weird stories I write.

> A world of computer programmers creates itself, manufacturing a perfection that thrives on the unceasing battle between error and resolution. A granular world of perfect sand, each element of code perfected and then left behind
bro have you never seen actual computer code

I can't remember the last time I had a dream. Most of the dreams I had the fortune of having were forgotten. One of them in particular inspired me to scribble it down and inject it into my fiction. I think it would be awesome to write an entire book just out of documented dreams weaved together, as messy of a quilt that might look. Alas, I rarely dream.

Every time I find myself falling into the pit that is the world of the flesh and worldly desire, I focus on escaping and saving myself but I've noticed that there are others who want to escape as well yet I feel guilty that I cannot save them. I share my struggles with them but I wonder if this is all in vain.

I got a job and a gf but I want to kill myself even more now than I did before. I feel like my life is meaningless.

No sé porqué pensaste que gente muerta de sueño e isolación te daría una buena respuesta para esto, pero realmente creo que vale la pena por la calidad única de la experience y las ganas de rellenar ese vacío bizarro.

I can't ever sleep before important days.

best in thread

Ever tried to program something in Assembly something you could actually use?

My essay made up over half of the problem sections during the 'class critique' in class today, and got shat on. I know I am a shitty writer, but that shit sucked

Do you smoke weed/drink before sleeping?
When you smoke weed lot you never have any dreams but they come back after you stop.
Also I do wonder whether dream interpretation is a real thing. They are a product of your unconscious after all so I'm interested to find out.
Anyone know any books for this? No Freud though

I used to be last among my peers in the country, but now I've moved to the city I feel another person. The people of my home are taller, stronger and louder than all of those here. It's a very queer thing to see.

I smoked weed roughly 12 times in my life, I highly doubt that's the culprit.
However, I have probably lost a lot of brain cells from experiencing the countless episodes of hypoglycemia these past 21 years of diabetes type 1. This means a lot of... damaged or lost brain cells, according to doctors. That's similar to smoking a shitload of pot, right?

I just wanna kill myself tonight / so the morning blues don't bite

It's a song, I think. But I can't sing.

Not him but I stopped dreaming when I hit puberty. Before that I was a lucid dreamer and had many adventures while asleep. My best friend in elementary school and I would spend all of recess walking around the woods and telling each other about what we dreamed. Then at age 13 it stopped. People blame marijuana, and there does seem to be a link, but I didn't start smoking till I was 20. Didn't smoke for a whole year a few years back and that did nothing to reignite my dreaming. Recently I discovered valerian root. I find if I take a couple grams I can sometimes dream.

Who knows why we stop dreaming. I have no explanation.

>after chasing the values not i but society holds i have come to the realization that i do not value them
>woe is me for where to go from here is a riddle rooted in mystery beyond that of which i possess understanding
>alas i have no choice but to continue not doing what it is i wish i were doing, for my self has already moved on from one modus of procrastination, namely procrastination under the pretense of working towards "more important" objectives, towards the next, namely pretending no such greater goals are to be found within it, my mind

based post

I have no idea to explain how im feeling.
People say stuff like "wow this quote perfectly sums up how i feel about ____" yet ive NEVER had this happen too me..
Guess ill never truly have a emotional experience with another person because ill never be able to explain my feels

write poetry

Paint.
Some of the best paintings don’t require more than a year of practice to replicate. Take this for example

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Bump

I had a little bit of epiphany today. After all this self-improvement, good grades, partying, reconnecting with family, I feel exactly as melancholic as I did 4 years ago, except I'm less anxious and strengthened my character.
I've read too much, I've meditated too much (developed acute mindfulness in everyday life), I've toyed with too many fringe ideas. What's the next step guys?

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reading the thread

Learn to love yourself for what you are :)

This but unironically.

Yeah but did you become celibate yet?

Do you guys also have a buffer of images saved to your desktop for ease of dragging off of image search and into Yea Forums posts?

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I'm stuck. Everything happened too late and none of it mattered. I should be having the time of my life; instead I choose despondency. I'll never love again or feel anything good. An empty journey towards nothingness, how it this preferable to death?

> I should be having the time of my life
deciding what "should" be happening at a given point in your life is a surefire way to be disappointed.
>I choose despondency.
don't be so hard on yourself. The world kind of shoves a despondent lifestyle down our throats nowadays.
>I'll never love again or feel anything good.
that's just teenager speak.
>how it this preferable to death?
in death there are no possibilities.
In life, even in the most desperate situations, there are still endless possibilities.

i have sexy bottoms on my mind

I wasn't being ironic :(

>except I'm less anxious and strengthened my character
How is that not a huge improvement?

How can I convince people to give me $10,000 a month on patreon?

It is, feels good. Maybe that's all what I should ask for.

let them see your genitals
draw figures showing their genitals
do something mediocre all the while hinting that you might, someday, show your genitals

Keeping up with a journal/commonplace book just to write whatever popped into my head definitely improved my writing. Give it a shot.

>We do not aspire to a communal life but to a life apart.

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I would do this if I had confidence in my ability to turn a profit. I'm not above feeding some peoples' degeneracy if it lets me live comfortably with minimal effort.

Despite my undeniable gains in all things normie life I find myself unremittingly updating not 3, not 4, but 7 threads on this site just awaiting the dopaminergic rush of a (You.) It's nearly rush hour for the gym and I'm still in my denim jeans, shirtless, looking for substantive threads (i.e. whether more anonymous posters will compliment my mustache selfie) and letting my caffeine pill go to waste.

Will I write today? Oh boy, bet your ass I won't. My project is actually too good this time for me to spend real time on it. I almost miss my frivolous old projects because for some reason the delusion that went into them was so much more compelling for me to write about. Maybe it's just that I'm sober now, too... quien sabe?

And that's exactly what went wrong with women.

And civilization.

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here's your (You) :^)

is there anything worse than being in love?

I've never been in love and I'm not autistic or anything. What's wrong with me

Wait I think I might have been but I'm in constant denial. Shit I'm fucked

I still remember the first time I was in love, or at least crushing on someone. It was in high school with a girl who was in my english class and read Dosto. She was really nice to me and introduced me to her friend group, which was as close as I ever came to normal interpersonal relationships. I miss her.

I fucked up my book ordering schedule and now I won't get new ones til next week. Hmph

wow, a week is a really long time, poor you.

I hate rich people and wish we could guillotine all of them, and their supporters. Absolute cucks.

it really is user

Being in love actually gave me more of a drive to be successful. Being single, I have to not only 'brainwash' myself into thinking that I was created to be single, but also drill into my head that atleast I get to be as selfish as I please. Running and working out help as well, since it makes me feel worth something. All this to give myself that drive boost that having a girl gave.

Sounds like a case of "not meeting new people."