Am a former nihilist and an atheist...

This. Truth is that which promotes the will to power

Keep your faith and pray.

Most of existentialists:
Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Camus, Kierkegaard, even Heidegger if you are willing to go through it. I would add Tolstoy and most of the religious/Christian books you can find (especially The Bible and stuff from the Church's Fathers - check for Saint Augustin).

Good luck, user!

Try homosexuality

>atheism is the only rational position
Really? How is it the only rational position? Im not even saying to believe in a sky daddy, but i assume thats what comes to mind, for you, when yiu think of religion or spirituality.
Atheism is really no different from the sky daddy worship, i assume, you despise. Dont fucking talk about rationality, tired of people talking abiut reason and logic when they have no clue what they are talking about.

>but we are creatures of reason

Stfu, you fucking brainlet.

Which god? There's lots to choose from. Why limit yourself to just one?

>you don't eat some foods, therefore starving is the only rational conclusion

Should I read Bible before I endeavour through these? All of these are heavily influenced by Christian ideas and philosophies if I m not wrong. I have only read one of Dostoyevsky so far.
Thanks user for the help.

I would recommend you this book

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I have pagan roots and I will be digging in the those old texts too. And this with Christian canon will be main focus. I am also interested in Chinese Phil, shinto, Buddhist, Jain Phil. Its all very overwhelming yet really excites me. I m not willing to take the leap of faith as I don't think it will me serve for very long. But through the above course of action I just might find god one day.

I will read it soon but I m wondering if I should read the Bible before reading the writers with Christian background.

You don't really need it for Tolstoy as I'm sure you're even without reading the Bible familiar with core idea of Jesus's teachings. But I don't see why you wouldn't read the Bible anyway, but it's not required

If I were you, I would try begin to pray. You will not find God until you truly have faith, and the way to start that is a relationship with God. Then a fear of God, then comes the understanding. But yes, as you pray read scriptures.

No understanding of the holy book can be found until it is revealed to the reader, just as it was with the prophets. :)

I have to say after reading that I lost any respect I had for Tolstoy. Not because he found God, but because he's such a massive brainlet, his "spiritual journey" really isn't out of place on Yea Forums.

I dont think I should pray or even faith before I understand God. In past I was utterly disrespectful to not just god but also to his worshipper including my parents. I remember I had faith as a kid but somewhere along the path I strayed from my path. I have realised the the importance of God, maybe not completely but I still don't understand the God. I still don't get the meaning behind faith, prayer, submission to God. That's what I aim to find or realise.

>>

Learn as you go. If your heart is in the right place, if does not matter if you stumble.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding, however. You obtain a relationship with God through prayer and faith, submission to The Father is of upmost importance to understand The Holy Word.

The words of the accuser will be doubt.

>the way to start that is a relationship with God. Then a fear of God, then comes the understanding.

You've got literally everything backwards. If you really believe, or are trying to, first thing you'll have is fear. Even fear of committing, because if things matter, you most likely haven't been doing the right things, and have no strength or hope of ever starting to do them.

A one-sided relationship with God is a thing you always had. Understanding? Even if it would be possible to have it - it's better to believe that you can't. I'm not saying that truth doesn't exist, but rather the danger of unquestionable belief in a falsehood is great. All you can hope for is faith and trust in God. Did Abraham posses understanding when God asked him to sacrifice his son? Did Job when his life went to shit?

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is what you're looking for.

I suppose I worded that wrong. I meant fear of God comes with a relationship with God.

I can´t tell but you seem to have misunderstood what I meant by understanding. I do not think it is wrong for me to say God gives us knowledge when we seek it.

>understand God
Conceptualize the greatest good possible: love, morality, creation, life, beauty, the greatest power that goes beyond words. This is the definition of God, independent of particular religion. Think of things you admire in life, people, art, music - it is just an imitation, pointing towards this ideal.

God is that, nothing else; if you think He made a mistake, that He's unjust, unfeeling - then you don't believe God exists. If you think the world is evil, that you'd rather die, that nothing matters - you have strayed away from God.

> meaning behind faith, prayer, submission to God
By this definition, if you order your values and beliefs towards God, you will choose living, choose what is best. If you are willing, why would God deny you life?
Prayer has many functions, from confessing your sins honestly, asking for change in your soul, to simple remembering of what is right.

find someone to love

if not find something to love

if not then at least find something for which you can give up your time

These are the kind of pseuds who become "Christians" on Yea Forums

and then what? starve to death, because I'm an amateur writer/artist and can never make it to the top %?

No then you learn that giving yourself up for mediocrity is an eternal moment of the divine and that God is smiling to himself as you struggle in vain to find something sensible that rhymes with barley.

Harley
Charlie
Carly
Gnarly
Parley

Are you that one guy who believes that Satan didn't lie to Adam and Eve when he told them that if they eat of the fruit they will become like God, but he didn't mention that the state of God is constant suffering?

Christians in name only mind you. I seriously don't think that any of these "Christians" are sincere in their beliefs. More likely, they are LARPing /pol/acks who are mostly cultural Christians, and merely tell themselves and other that they're Christians without engaging in any Christian behavior that takes actual time and effort.

Furthermore, to these "Christians", Christianity is mostly a stick to beat the unbelievers around with, which is actually quite ironic since Jesus explicitely tells us to take a good hard look at yourself first before even having the audacity to judge others. Then again, Jesus also says you should help the poor and treat others the way you'd want to be treated yourself, which are a few more things these "Christians" here on Yea Forums aren't particularly bothered with.

Basically, Christianity on Yea Forums is
>muh degeneracy
>muh cute trad Christian wife
Which only demonstrates how hilariously devorced from Christianity these people actually are

And not a single sensible one. Don't think I didn't take this into account when I formulated my original post.

No, not at all. My take is that paradise was a condition of immediacy and the "terrible" fate we now experience is that of mediation.

you can listen to yourself and enjoy the ride. we aren't really given an alternative.

>seriously don't think that any of these "Christians" are sincere in their beliefs.
Maybe all the racists are faking it too

pray every evening

You have no idea what Christianity even is

>talk to yourself every evening
great advice!

don't listen to any of the christcuck drones in this thread, OP. Atheism is truth. Don't forsake it for a little bit of psychological comfort.

I'd recommend some neuroscience/philosophy of mind stuff to better understand what it is you are. 'Know thyself' and so on. So check out John Searle, Daniel Dennett, etc.

vril
?

Can you prove him wrong? In my experience, he's spot on.

Pal... buddy... you really need a friend and/or a gf. Even if everything is transient and meaningless, you'll be surprised how much true friendship improves one's life. Emotional pain is as much a sign that you should pull your hand off the proverbial stove as physical pain. You need to realize it's you who's doing the self-loathing and you can stop just as easily as you go on with it. It's critical that you do, because that's the root cause of your loneliness and is continuously repelling potential friends. After all, seeing how cruel you are to yourself, how can they trust that you won't be cruel to them in their time of need?

Assuming that any definitive stand-point on religion is rational is irrational. Nothing, on the subject as vague, subjective and completely inconceivable as god can be explained with a rational point of view. Nothing exists to prove a god exists, neither is there proof he doesn't. You can approach religion through perception if you want and say "in my reality science is the only explanation, there science is the truth" although that's a bit of a fallacy. You could always just accept that an answer most likely either doesn't exist or you will never know it and just be agnostic. Certainty with a question such as the source of all creation is a complete delusion.

>Atheism
>The certainty that there is no god

>concept of god
>certainty

moron. You don't, and most likely never will have a certain answer. Just accept the that fact and be agnostic. Being rational when there's no information is complete madness and dissolution

Steppenwolf.

can you elaborate?

I´m genuinely curious seeing as how I started reading this a while ago and I´m enjoying it.

The odds are more than 50/50 against there bein a god/soul/afterlife. There’s absolutely no reason to identify as agnostic

You look like you need beyond good and evil

actual good advice

whats wrong with now? start exercising and read philosophy, even if it makes you a nihilist at least you will understand it.

Psalm 25

Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence, Beevers translation (available via b - ok )

von Hildebrand, Transformation in Christ

Louis Bouyer, The Meaning of Sacred Scripture (if you can find an inexpensive copy, or a scan online somewhere, it's very good and helpful; should be in print)

Trust in the goodness of God.

Keep in mind: Mercy is a feature -- it's in His nature. He can't not be merciful.

Thus, throw - abandon - yourself on His mercy.

PS: "Spiritual Journeys," Robert Baram, ed., is very good.
amazon.com/s?k=spiritual journeys baram

PPS: Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

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God is a cool guy. He murders innocent people, tells people to do things and then punishes them for doing it, and inflicts mind control on people thereby completely destroying the concept of "free will".

Oh, and he doesn't afraid of anything.

>self loathing
This is a byproduct of ego, work on minimizing your ego and you'll see the irrelevance of labeling yourself by ideas like "smart" or "stupid" or "lazy." I doubt you're a "recovering" nihilist - unless you started out that way - because usually that's where people end up if they read enough, think enough, and experience enough. There is no way out but to realize these things: 1) it's okay that life has no meaning, you can either make your own meaning or live without meaning, 2) it's okay to not know things because certain things are out of reach, ex. knowledge of death requires actually dying (those who "died" but "came back" never actually died), knowledge of a creator existing or not existing or both or neither, religion is just an attempt at coping with the unknown by claiming knowledge, the idea that one is "saved" by accepting a certain religion or not "saved" should be enough for anyone to realize the incentive is on propping up the priest-class and nothing else, if we have no free will as determinists believe then why would choosing to believe or not believe matter? If being saved revolves around this choice then is it not up to you whether you get to heaven or not? That places power into the chooser, not a creator or deity. Not to mention if you chronologically read through the various mythological/religious texts from the Epic of Gilgamesh up to anything predating the modern monotheistic global salvation-based religion in question you'll see the tropes, various stories, mythologies and ideas existed prior to it, removing any uniqueness from the picture, I say all this as an ex-Christian, ex-Republican, nihilism, apolitical, irreligious (agnostic living as an atheist) life is the most peaceful life I could have asked for, no existential crises produced due to doubt in religion, no emotional turmoil through the empty theatrics that is politics, no stress or negative emotions, self-talk etc. from the rat race, in the end philosophy was really the greatest tool.

Read the bible and you'll be back to square one if you're OP. Fresh eyes see fault, only the ones who have been in the cult long enough can have their mind wander over the unbelievably wretched passages, or due to them not reading prior religious texts they won't see copies like Noah's story and the man in the Epic of Gilgamesh who literally goes through the same thing down to putting animals in a massive boat he built to escape the flood, as told to him by a deity.

I think you should reread the entire bible, user. You say all these nice sounding attributes but you exclude the retribution. I know you just want to wrap yourself in love and goodness and all that but that's pretty disingenuous, look up a couple of posts from your own, they talk about having a 'fear' of the semitic deity you follow, fear wouldn't be required for a loving thing now would it.