WHY CAN'T I RIGHT GOOD DIALOGUE ALL OF MY CHARACTERS SOUNDS RETARDED...

WHY CAN'T I RIGHT GOOD DIALOGUE ALL OF MY CHARACTERS SOUNDS RETARDED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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You’re so disconnected with society that you don’t know how real people talk.

Read J R at least twice. Then you’ll know how to write dialogue

Post an example.

>real people
>interesting and well tought dialogues

Pick one and only one

whats jr j j rowling/

Jack had finally given up. He had never encountered a prostitute before, so he wasn’t exactly sure how to identify nor proposition one. He decided logically in order to maximize his win-loss percentage he would stroll the streets at nights prospostioning any desirable woman he saw. The only drawback was Jack did not know the proper turns of phrase in such a scenario. Again logically he decided to employ a rotating rolodex of phrases.
Jack turned a corner and saw a curvaceous woman in a halter top and short skirt. She was coming towards him. With desire springing up in him Jack asked, “How bouts sucking on my cock?”
Too direct. Jack still felt the pain in his groin a few blocks later. It didn’t help that her revealing clothing had given him an erection.
As the pain ebbed away, it was quickly replaced by desire. Another woman was approaching Jack. Skimpy black shorts, ass cheeks hanging out, fishnet stocking, with a red blouse tucked in, the first few button undone, revealing bra-less cleavage. Taking a note from his direct approach, Jack attempted an indirect proposition.
“Excuse me miss?”
She stopped. So far so good. Jack had her attention at least.
“Can you help me ligma?”
“Ligma? What?”
“Can you help me ligma nuts?”
“Perv.”

This is all I have so far.

>how bouts sucking on my cock
>ligma
Neither of that is funny. Your lame attempt at humor makes for bad writing.

I don't get what is bad about that dialogue.

That was literally how I met your mother.

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Just don’t use quotation marks. People will be too busy thinking about how cool you are to realize how bad it is.

hey you fucking retard. if you want realistic dialogue that's how you right it. you probably write it like a reddit post

>right it
>write it
How do I achieve this state of mind?

Kek kys

What's JR?

>when you read your dialogue out loud and it feels right

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Try being less horny and lonely, incel.

The two biggest problems I encounter in young writers is that they either emulate television and other media where people don't talk the way people actually talk (think Joss Whedon) or they write every character from the same voice.

Other problems can include tonally inappropriate voices or anachronistic language. I'm not saying that your medieval knight has to be written like the Canterbury tales, but unless you're doing it deliberately having premodern characters speak in modern parlance is something I've only ever seen done well(ish) in translations of certain works.

Modern Russian writers seem to do this a lot, where something in their language translates to "guys" or "fellas" very directly, so it isn't at all strange to have a medieval knight saying "come on guys let's go kill these bastards," but imagine Aragorn saying that. Imagine Beowulf saying "come on fellas we've got a troll to kill," it sounds ridiculous because we speak fucking English.

Not op, but how do i stop being lonely? I've given up on sex long ago

I'm a terrible reader, writer, and judge of things but this is kinda bad I'm sorry.
Like even beyond the dialogue it seems like you worded things with a thesaurus and dictionary at side

Maybe it's too much information? Like "Again logically he decided to employ a rotating rolodex of phrases." It just seems like too much

Why are you so jaded?

Reality is a harsh mistress kid.

probably tylo be chillin

>right

It's because you sound retarded, user

>right
should of been "write", redneck

Damn this place has gone downhill

Idk frien it was just a shitpost desu

tolkien

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Throw yourself into an art or skill and develop it obsessively until you are a master. Doesn’t necessarily have to be writing. You just have to sublimate your sexual desire into creation.

Is this supposed to be a parody of the average Yea Forums autist?

>Can't write good dialogue
>Amazed when reading books how much dialogue there is because mine is extremely short and to the point
>Recently diagnosed autistic
>Now understand why

It's going to take a lot of effort to overcome this

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Too much superfluous stuff, here's what I'd make of it:

Jack had given up. Having never encountered a prostitute, he was unsure of how to identify or proposition one, of the proper turns of phrase to employ. He'd decided that, in order to maximize his win-loss percentage, he would walk the streets at night and proposition every passing woman with a rotating rolodex of phrases.
Jack turned a corner and saw a curvaceous woman approaching. Halter top, short skirt - “how bouts sucking on my cock?”
Too direct. Jack still felt the pain in his groin a few blocks later. It didn’t help that he'd been hard.
As the pain ebbed away, desire returned. Another woman. Skimpy black shorts, fishnet stocking, bra-less cleavage...
He readied himself. “Excuse me miss?”
She stopped. So far so good.
“Can you help me ligma?”
“Ligma? What?”
“Can you help me ligma nuts?”
“Perv.”

Can't polish a turd. The idea of a man maximizing his win-loss percentage at sleeping with prostitutes is funny, but everything is just dumb vulgarity. The "ligma nuts" doesn't even make sense for his character.

When writing comedic longer texts, think less "funny words and phrases" but rather "funny ideas, situations, thoughts and people", they fit better a longer format. "Ligma nuts" is fine for an internet comment that's a sentence long, but not for a paragraph.

It would be much easier to just give up writing.