Write whats on your mind

Thanks, user. I have the emotional maturity of a child despite being 28. It bothers me and I don't really know how to deal with it. It's going to be rough when the shock wears off. I am trying to process it now but I know I will have to keep distracting myself soon even more than my usual melancholy demands.

I'm relieved that I have friends again that I can be around and be distracted by. I had really shut myself away for a long time prior to a few months ago. Tomorrow I will hang out with them and hopefully partake in fun activities.

After the vet even my mom asked me if I wanted a beer. I turned it down which is more than I did last time something traumatic happened to me. Not to sound like a fedoratheist or anything but I somewhat envy people that can find comfort in religion after a tragedy. Or alcohol. Or drugs. Anything. Pathetic as it might seem I feel emotional weakness and I guess my brain is going, "lean on something" but I just can't.

Sorry to turn this into a Melville novel. I don't expect empathy from anyone or anything like that. I guess I am just venting.

what keeps you going anons??

>Looks like cancer, doctor.
>Yes, but can we treat it?
>You mean I've been riding this fucker for how long?
>Yes.
>Yes.
>Noo.
>Yes.
>It will feed my children.

Hope. Patience. Finding a piece of the puzzle from time to time. Waiting to be felt loved and accepted by existence in my entirety.

Defiance.

I basically just oscillate between thinking that my writing is important and might, one day, far beyond my existence, help others or it's turgid uselsss shit. I feel like I want to stop but if I stop I'll be acquainted with suicidal thoughts for the rest of my life. I can't tell if I have unrealistic expectations for myself or if I ever had those expectations in the first place, I deeply resent my desire from before to try to be a writer, and I even more deeply resent the undying hope I will be one

a nigger nogger rode the nigger nog mark 1 in the outrim of the blackity black galaxy.

This is where it all began. The war against the enslaved.

>they say history wants to repeat itself
>that's its destined to repeat itself

funny how the niggy noggers are enslaving your milkers now

For the last time
I am not the first one here who has

Been victimized

Accused of Reddit Spacing,
I'm not from Reddit Bro
Look how I typed this post

I see an advanced race that is struggling for survival, nay, dominance, in a universe that would readily scatter its kin like so many leaves on an autumn afternoon. They carry on despite knowing that entropy will eventually claim their machinations, science, and works of art. Their destiny is the same as ours: to row uphill in a cosmic waterfall until the water runs out and all matter, energy, and anything meaningful succumbs to decay and the light of the universe is utterly vanquished, never to return for all time.

i see an alien parasite ship entering a mining colony

I fucking hate alcoholics. They're weak, miserable people and should all be sterilized.

Why lad?

I pictured it being built, hidden in a gaseous asteroid field.

i like listening to Rakoth whenever i have depression and it´s raining, its really pleasant

youtube.com/watch?v=4LIhERUCaOw

I think the quality of my potential gfs peaked in high school. Ever since then I have struggled to meet women who the prospect of having a relationship with didn't horrify me. Relationships in general seem a lot uglier, focused on sex and material gain rather than love. I'm not cut out for that kind of world, I'm too sensitive and value a life of innocence too much.

I really fucking hate myself for being too autistic to go out with that qt christian girl who was into me (I bitterly remember this one time we and some mutual friends had gone kayaking on a nearby lake and her whispering to her friend "If only user would ask me out, then we could do this all the time"). But I couldn't do it. I had only started working out of my mega-autismo phase six months ago, just texting someone was anxiety inducing. I should have found a way. I know it's probably a retarded thing to say but we felt right for each other. I miss her.

After high school I had my oneitis phase with a different girl which obviously didn't work out. I don't have much other than scorn for her now. I tried Tinder for a day, but was viscerally disgusted with the shameless hedonism and quit. Meeting people in real life didn't go much better.

And now I'm just here, facing what seems like a very real possibility of being alone forever. Maybe I'm a retard that's so hung up on his "missed youth" that he can't have an adult relationship. But what am I to do? I can't force myself to want something I don't.

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>I really fucking hate myself for being too autistic to go out with that qt christian girl who was into me (I bitterly remember this one time we and some mutual friends had gone kayaking on a nearby lake and her whispering to her friend "If only user would ask me out, then we could do this all the time"). But I couldn't do it. I had only started working out of my mega-autismo phase six months ago, just texting someone was anxiety inducing. I should have found a way. I know it's probably a retarded thing to say but we felt right for each other. I miss her.
Basically going through this right now. Just had a good scream in the garage. We're all gonna make it m8.

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I'm about to ask out a qt English major over Messenger who I've been friendly with for the last couple weeks. Is that too autistic or should I just wait until I see her next week? Pray for me to have courage, lads.

I had a dream, it went like this.
It's heavily raining outside so I went into a clothing store, fashion boutique, to get out of the cold. Once I'm in, I run into the store's clerk. She's organizing the outfits and we chat it up a bit. I tell her I'm really into video games and she says, "Wow, that's cool. Why don't we play a game together sometime?" I respectfully decline as I feel as though I'm getting sick. I call up a relative to pick me up out of the rain and return home.
After preparing a hot bath to warm myself in, I receive a phone call. My phone keeps glitching between two numbers, the number of some unknown caller and the police (911). I raise my phone to my ear and ask, "Hello, why are you calling me?" The woman on the other end of the line's voice glitches up for a bit before returning to a stable, calm tone. "You're under arrest for murder. Stay where you are. You're a very, very, VERY, wanted criminal."
I'm astounded, shocked. I tell them, "what? No! I couldn't have killed anyone. I want definitive proof before anything happens. I'm calling my lawyer."
Surely, she was protesting me from hanging up but I did. I opened my contacts to the autovehicular lawyer I'm familiar with and attempt calling. Nothing goes through. Deadline. Not even a ring.
Then, the voice from the 911 call came back on.
"I'm sorry, but due to the severity of your crime, you're not allowed to have an attorney for your hearing."
In a fit of rage, I hung up on her and threw my phone across the room.
Minutes pass. I'm staring at the bath water, now cooled, completely devoid of any reaction. What was I to do?
Ah, but the police arrive within 5 minutes, and it's been much longer than that. It was a prank call.
I exit my room and pass besides my mother who asks me "What's wrong?" and I tell her my situation. "Well," she starts off blandly, "It seems that you deserve it."
Excuse me? Deserve what? Incarceration for a crime I didn't do? In fact, I didn't even believe that I had done a crime; it was all a prank.
I leave her in the hallway and return to my room hastily, fastening the door shut. As I slumped onto my bed, I started to feel strange. There were things in my room I hadn't bought: a short squat robot with a long barrel, a yellow spherical object with propellers, and something red and square. I can't remember so well what the red thing was. I ask my mother, "What is all this?"
To which she responds, "I heard you like games. I thought this would be a fun game to play."
Suddenly, I noticed something very off about her. Her eyes, they had a glazed look to them. It was as if they were the eyes of a dead man with their opaque lenses (though in this case, it appeared to be more alike to pus swimming around the iris.)
Something was wrong with her.
I slammed the door on her and turned to the red object, crunching it beneath my foot before it was able to fully power on. The yellow orb lift itself into the air and flung itself towards me to which I dodged 1/2

2/2 and it banged itself into the walls, leaving a dent.
No good.
If only the police were here to help me, I thought, though I assumed they were probably under whatever hypnotic influence my mother had been put under, though that didn't explain the phone glitches.
I slid myself underneath my bed in time for the grey robot to have powered up fully, shooting relentlessly into the walls, blindly hitting anything in my general direction.
Again, the yellow orb flung itself towards me but became stuck at the legs of my bed, to which I grabbed its propellers and twisted them clean off.
And now, the turret.
It slowly made itself closer to me while I held the orb as a shield from its seemingly infinite supply of bullets.
Suddenly, I saw the feet of my mother, approaching me, surely to pull me out of the bed to put on the final blow of this attack. A few bullets scarred my shoulders now as both the turret and her worked together to grab me, to which I bit her harshly, biting myself in the real world and I woke up.

I've been having weird dreams too. Idk why, but most of them include me waking up tired than usual.

patiently waiting for some psycho vigilante to strap a go-pro to his head and livestream himself beating up crack-addled hobos to an adoring audience of thousands

I say do it in person. Have courage, user.

But if I want to meet up tomorrow I have to do it via text. Right? Or shouldn't be too much different

Terrible dream where it was raining in the afternoon and my room was unnaturally dark, the window was open and the only thing visible was a phone on the floor, otherwise the whole room and house were black. There was a barely audible voice on the phone that kept saying "help me" in a weary tone. I was arrested by simultaneously being too scared to leave the house, by not really not wanting to leave in and of itself, and by knowing that there's something awful about the voice that wants to hurt me.

had a dream where a girl was stroking my dick
woke up and she was still stroking
I told that whore to fuck off and keep her hands to herself, had to go jack off into the toilet to get back to sleep
I miss being single

The sleeker cars become the more they start resembling each other (corporate consolidation also helps; if volkswagen owns all car brands out there, it's no wonder all car brands will start looking like volkswagens). Anyway, cars had never been better looking or better performing. A KIA today is better than a Mercedes thirty years ago. Even the cheapest cars have this sporty look to them nowadays.

If you want to meet her tomorrow, just go ahead and message her.

I wish I lived in Kenya and were Kenyan.

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>Anyway, cars had never been better looking or better performing
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steam_car

But I can't

I had something to say but I forgot it.

Sure you can. If you're already friendly with her it shouldn't come across weird or whatever. I mean, it's better to do in person, but again if you're already friendly it should be fine and might even save you sperging out to her face about it.

Welp, I just downloaded Bumble. I guess we'll see what happens.

writing an accelerationist-flavored manifesto about the necessity of establishing an AI pope and giving all global authority to it, including nuclear weapons. I don't really believe in it and I refuse to read enough to check whether anyone else has ever written on this idea. What I write will never be read by anyone else and I wish I could just lock myself up and stop working on other things.

I have an absurdly narrow chest so even though I'm in shape and have basically no body fat I still look scrawny. I also worry if I continue to bulk up I'm just going to end up looking really disproportionate and weird. Maybe I'll give one of those meme >broaden your shoulders brah programs a try. They're probably just memes though.

Thanks lads!! I did it and she said yes!!

Whenever I'm thinking about something 'philosophical' I imagine I'm Slavoj Zizek and giving a talk on it, even if it's something he'd never agree with in a million years.

gj
*slaps your back*

I'm happy for you user.
you made clear this was a date, right?

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No, but I think that's implied right?

More doors in sight.
Some open, some closed.
Some come with a lock and a keyhole.
The sheer number of the doors is just overwhelming.
Some look familiar, like the front door of your parent's house.
Others are scary as hell.
Appearances wary from stone to roses.
Why are the so many of them? I just need one and not a million. Why is this one locked anyways and where's the key? You mean I'm supposed to stay here? Why me?

depends, do you have a relationship where you could conceivably platonically ask her to do whatever activity you asked her to do? If you don't know her that well then you're fine.

No, I don't know her that well

i just drank tea its for sleep someone please feed my fish before i fall asleep it was too strong

so y zombies and MLM-borgs are taking over our nation.
soon the whole world will be brainwashed by the elites
don't have children
they'll destroy you

who cares shit's already fucked
may as well just chill and do what you want
it's liberating to have no future

people attempted to brainwash me back in november but i got out of it. i'm just lucky i still have my brain but the government doesn't give me my rights.
i just want to smoke cig and plow a farm

Space moby dick

Friday night and Im drinking heavily and listening to bad skate rock instead of doing literally any of the other things a normal person in their rwenties would be doing

and Im back on lit posting about it because Im just that pathetic I guess

but what else is there to do? I already finished that short story and thew it into the abyss that is the online literary scene, now I can only drink and feel bad but in that kind of nice way it is to feel bad when you can convince yourself your bad feelings are actually very interesting and compelling and you can imagine youre in a movie or a book and the people watching you are going fuck what a moving moment and miring at your suffering

gnight Im going to sleep after I post this

I'm finally writing again after months of break.

I'm really glad that I've fallen back into a rhythm and am keeping up a daily pace of 500 words a day, but I'm a bit concerned at how slowly the story is progressing. I feel like it went a lot faster the first time I wrote a novel

My penis is 8 inches long and I'm still a virgin. What do I have to do to get my dick wet, if I don't want to lose it to a prostitute?

I'm surrounded by cute women, it's a feast for the eyes and I feel very optimistic for once but at the same time the thought that none of them are even considering me or noticing my existence make me morose.
It's a pleasant feeling overall.

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I get one-on-one time with my gf maybe once a week, and see her around friends once or twice in the same time frame. Meanwhile my friend is spending hours with his gf every day, doesn't come home at least twice a week, I'm starting to question if they even have classes half the time. I sort of envy his freedom to be with his girl whenever he wants, but I don't think I'd be that gay all the time, even if given the opportunity.

I was watching some videos of apex legends since all my classmates at uni are talking about and man do I have some nostalgia about playing the original titanfall with my mates now. We'd play in the evenings after school, it was good fun wallrunning over a building and icing someone with an lmg from the air. I feel an urge to try titanfall 2 but I got rid of all my gaming stuff so I can't. Probably for the best.

>Space edition. When you see this image what comes to mind?
Giant ictiosaurus-space-whale.

>behemoth* god damn it son of a bitch my phone assured me it was correct and I believed it
You don't trust a computer.
And you don't post from a "phone", user.

us is gonna invade venezuela and retarded americas will cheer for it because their media told them too

Boredom and being alone are 2 different things, and being alone and being lonely are different as well. We're no more physically alone with ourselves than we ever were in the recent past I think. So why do we hate it?
Sometimes when I'm by myself I feel sad. And sometimes anticipating that I will feel that sadness, I feel anxious and try to drown out the silence. It's not really the silence, it's the feelings and then the thoughts, or sometimes it's the thoughts and then the feelings. The worry about the future. The existential dread.
Once upon a time there was a lonely frog who lived all alone in a pond. After time passed he died and no one ever knew him. What did he think about in that pond? How did he feel? Did he ever even exist?
As we crank up the volume on our desires we are beginning to hear our thoughts, and they are screaming.

>want to write music
>sit down to write some lyrics
>can only think of utter garbage, stuff a 7 year old would concoct
>suddenly realise i'm not cut out at all for making music
>feel depressed

try being more spontaneous. sit down and start jamming out on your guitar / piano / theremin / whatever and the just start singing. you can refine later

Songwriting takes practice, you gotta write out the garbage to get it out of the way or you'll never get past it to the good songs you can write.

God I want to fuck a Canadian woman from Toronto so badly.

I cant think of a counter argument to the daughter copypasta, I've been thinking about it all day and I just cant come up with anything, is having a daughter actually unironically literally the final cuck?

Cuckoldry involves being cheated on. If you were going to fuck your daughter, the pasta applies, because your daughter is probably going to leave you as soon as able and fuck a lot of other guys. If you're not planning on raping your kids, then it's impossible to be cucked by them unless your partner is really into incest and fucks their own children.
Basically the only way for the daughter pasta to be a depiction of cuckoldry is if you're already so subpar that incest is possible for you, in which case that's nature cucking you and trying to limit your shitty genepool down to completely nonviable material within a few generations, so you're already being shadowbanned from reproduction once you fuck your daughter, and how ever many more people she fucks is only relevant if she fucks enough to have five different babydaddys to balance out your shitty genetic nondiversity

I wish I was asexual, my life would significantly improve if I were. Maybe I could even find another qt asexual to be my strictly platonic gf or bf.

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Are you a Canadian from Toronto or at least a scene/goth?

Human contact is a drug. Before my first gf I didn't have any perceived need for someone in my romantic life. After we broke up I was rekt for a while, eventually got my shit together and was able to be happy alone again.

Now I'm a victim of cuffing season and I can feel all the self-sufficiency I'd regained getting fucking thrown out the window. Our schedules have kept me in check--I don't have more than one or two nights a week that I can really waste on her--but I feel like even if we were making out and fucking every day of the week I still wouldn't be satiated. I've never had it this bad for someone, not even my first gf, and I know it's only going to get worse when the warm weather finally hits.

I've started listening to Schumann's lieder recently. I never liked the genre that much before, but now I'm sitting here happily devouring it and fantasizing about my girl like the absolute worst kind of hipster faggot. Maybe I'll get into writing poetry or something as an outlet. Fuck I have it bad, I want her in my bed again tonight

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no

books desu

"cuffing season" is a meme

Ah, man. I’ve lost some pets, but never had to put one down. That’s tough.

Let me start by saying that this is not a trollpost.
Yea Forums, should I give any credit to /pol/'s conspiracy theories? I mean, I wouldn't like to waste my time with it, but if so many people believe in it throughout the years it must hold some truth, right?

you should recognize that antisemitism is just socialism for retards and then you should read marx

I'm going to learn how to do a handstand so that the blood runs to my head and makes me a genius, like in that one episode of Camp Lazlo.
Right now, I can't do it because my arms are too weak but eventually, I'll get to it.

Why hasn't space Moby Dick happened yet? I feel like it would sell really well.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakugei:_Legend_of_the_Moby_Dick

fucking this
god, finally someone said it

Dude this is sick as fuck thanks

Why

Fuck, I do not have a good enough male friend to be my best man. Holy shit. Is this bad?

Just pick a random groomsman, they’ll feel honored enough that they’ll start acting like your best friend.

I'm in love with my girlfriend and I want more than anything else to marry her. Somehow when I see her face all of my fears, ambitions, and insecurities just fade away. When I'm with her, I feel perfectly content. I think I'm becoming a normie.

Thank you, fucking thank you.

Once a month my local Sizzler's hosts an all-you-can-eat for $11.99, and lemme tell ya, I can eat a lot. It's become the nadir of my short, carb-saturated life, and I intend for it to be my swan song as well

I think the autism will sort itself out with age and experience. Just keep going to the gym because your body is the one thing that only gets worse as you age beyond your early 20s.

you can't change your frame. you can only add muscle. RIP

>libertarian paradise with no government control on the economy
>minimalistic lifestyle, suited to the common daoist, such as myself
>no coffee culture (AKA, no Starbucks and as we all know from the evil satanist cult that is Starbucks: coffee = caffeine = addiction leads to withdrawl = depression which leads to suicide)
>free education for my children if I ever decide to have any
>80%+ Christian
>full of refugees which means it's a safe country to live in
>you don't really have to raise your own kid since the community raises them
>they eat a lot of corn and as an american, I like corn
>no government-run public transport system so I could easily make a living transporting goods/people
My only gripe is that they don't have a lot of good fruits and vegetables, like in America where we have the best native fruits, vegetables, and fauna, but I'm sure I can adapt to a simpler palate.
Besides, unlike Western Africans, Eastern Africans have Asiatic blood so they're more intelligent than their cousins on the West coast.

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I developed an elaborate journaling method using evernote over the past 3 years. it contains 5 notebooks and a bunch of tags to sort and filter and search for things. e.g. I make a tag for every book I read. All notes for that book are put in the "reading notes" notebook and tagged with the book title. It's been nice to review a book a little while after I read it, since I can do it so easily.

As cool as this method has been so far I'm worried about a few things:
>data mining
It's no secret that these services are offered for free in exchange for data. I'm essentially feeding them tons of data to use for whatever they want.
>tactility
There is something to be said for good old pen and paper. Having everything bound in a single book.

Not really sure if those cons outweigh the benefits. Also, does anyone else keep a journal? What is your method?

I’m probably the ugliest member of my family. Cousins on my dads side are tall and handsome. Cousins on my moms side are tall and handsome. I’m fucking 5’2” and have the face of a troglodyte. How the fuck does this happen. We’re my parents like the runt of the litter in their respective sides of their family and created a perfect storm of genetic undesirability that is me. Why do I exist. Fuck.

bro have you ever been to kenya or know anything about kenyan politics

Dunno if I wanna do some papers in Chinese or Japanese.

Evidence clearly shows the barbed ships are manufactured in microgravity as are our comparable sized craft. Their EM signatures point to crewless dense innards which were kept at a homeostatic torpor for the seventy years we've been observing their silent orbit of Jovian moons, maintained at a hibernated lull no more, the barbed crafts all began to awaken and as best we can fathom they're the origins of the EM white-out bathing all electronic sensate devices in a shroud.

I used to do way too much CGI painting and am very distracted by the brushwork on the left hand side of the picture is what immediately strikes me about that image. I tend to hyperfixate on details, though.

My thumb hurts. I accidentally stabbed myself with the blunt end of a needle while using a baseball switch to sew up the leg of a taxidermy fox a couple of days ago and I don't want to deal with an infection.

Dreamt I met Proust last night.
Though it wasn't much of a meeting; I said hello and he ignored me.

I still can't get on a proper fucking pooping schedule even though I'm doing everything some supposed to be doing. Fuck! I eat fruits and veggies everyday, drink plenty of water, and I walk at least 20 minutes everyday and do some minor workouts but I can still only shit on the weekends and only have MAYBE one good shit a week.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Classic Proust

Have You tried AutoImmune Protocol?

A girl who I like likes me back, and I'm over the moon. I can't wait until our next date. I feel like a Sim, where my mood is boosted +30 because I'm no longer a Khv, just a KV now.

I know they tried to copy the American system.
>Since independence in 1963, Kenya has maintained remarkable stability, despite changes in its political system and crises in neighbouring countries.
It seems pretty good overall. I know Uganda, which is next door, was in civil war a few years ago.
A decade ago, they had a bleedin' kansas-type issue with a miscounted presidential election but I'm well familiar with those, being an American.
As I google more information about the country, the better it seems. They're rehabilitating heroin addicts (I'm not a heroin addict but I still think that's cool), they're slowly attempting to give gays rights, they have golf, they're trying to sack their corrupt cabinet secretaries, somalia is trying to bully them for oil and they're saying no (but somalia is gay anyways), they're going to have a female president soon, and the government even donated a house to a homeless man.
I'm not sure what your problem is. It's not like I want to live in some shithole like Libya.

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Yea Forums is the trashiest culture board in this whole website

I used to main Yea Forums and hear people complain about Yea Forums crossboarding shitposters but I've never used Yea Forums.
Just checked it, first thing I saw was someone cutting their balls open and pulling their testicles out.
Thanks.

>Hello user. What do you do to make Yea Forums a better board?

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My mom and dad would be sad if I didnt

American propaganda (and life) is more like 1984 than North Korea (and the propaganda about North Korea).

This isn't an "it wasn't an instruction manual argh" post either.

If you do drugs, don't even talk to me.
I don't want to talk to you.
In fact, just go away. Leave me alone.

I’m leaving my hometown possibly indefinitely and am guessing I’m supposed to feel bad about it. However, I feel nothing. This fact makes me sad. I have literally no connection to the place I was raised, I don’t care about it’s history and care for few of it’s residents.

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my writing isn't coming out good lately and im worried that im not good enough to write the thing Im trying to write

Why are humans the only creatures that purposely and constantly kill themselves? Is suicide something natural when you pass a certain intelligence threshold?

please kill yourself

Being cucked is about being tricked into rising children who are not your own genetically. Your biological daughter having children spreads your DNA and is the oposite

Gays
Maybe
Help

I'm geographically isolated from everyone I care about. I have no direction in life. I feel like I'm drowning. Today is not a good day. I might be bipolar.

Have you made somebody smile today?

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It would be self indulgent to die

It's fret nigga it's a date good on you. Just be yourself

Dreams of a far distant future and the allure of running off into the woods never to be seen or heard from again.

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I have nobody to talk about my writing with and it's killing me.

Even though I'm not great at it, my writing is very important to me and it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. That said, I can't talk about it with my friends, my parents, my coworkers, or even people here on Yea Forums.

All I can do is bottle up that stress and make impotent attempts to vent it that just make me feel worse

yeah i think so, spent some time working with a friend on some hw and we cracked some jokes like usual

I made my girlfriend smile. Just being together is enough for us to smile. It's comfy.

I wish I was a fleshlight sometimes.

>Is there a field that takes physics and then proceeds to ask philosophic questions from it?
Philosophy of physics and analytic metaphysics does exactly this.

Just realized "heck" is a portmanteau of "hell" and "fuck."

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Just tried a tenga egg I brought back from the land of the cucks AMA

What the frick

I didn't realize how lonely I'd be here. I've always been a fairly solitary person but up until now I've never really felt completely alone. I'm living half way around the world with everything and everyone I love from home thousands of miles away. I don't know a soul here outside of my coworkers and many of them are older than me by a decade or more or already have a group of people they've befriended and spend time with making it hard to form any kind of bond. The fact that everyone has different days off doesn't help either. Add to that the fact that I'm very clearly an alien in a foreign land and the language is nearly indecipherable to a westerner unless they've thoroughly studied it before coming. It makes all the little things so much more difficult.

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Moving out of the city to work on a farm and read and write has been the best decision I ever made in my life

I honestly feel really badly about the thoughts I had before I came out here re: rural culture and the kind of people I was going to encounter, because they have all been hands down the most genuine and fun people I have ever met and I have had some amazing times out here in a month that the years before now don't compare to at all

If my whole family and circle weren't back in the city I don't think I would ever return

I truly don't mind being alone. i read all your responses and everyone seems so jealous of everyone else. I look around my uni and everyone has friends or gfs. But I don't crave it. At all. I thought this would be a phase. But I just don't have the energy anymore.

I really have no idea if i will make it to 30. I tried the whole social thing, the hedonism thing. But I feel nothing. The medication makes me function, but that's it. That's all I can do, function. It's all so tiresome.

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Tenga eggs fucking suck

Man /pol/ is cringe tier but after watching the oscars I think progs take that belt back. Why are they so consistently awful?

Yeah rural types are fine its really the suburban*te scum that ruins everything.

I've always kind of wanted to fuck a pregnant woman; or, if not always, then for a while. I think pregnant women are very sexy, and I would be both aroused and intrigued about navigating around her belly during sex. Plus, if she's already pregnant I can't GET her pregnant. It's the only natural form of birth control.

Exact same

Yeah that's how I would resume the experience

The belief that my ancestors I smiling upon me, and that my actions may bring honor to my people and myself a place among them.

If I'm wrong then at least I lived righteously. Nothing lost.

I'm an illustrator and I'm currently drawing some characters for kids.
They are all varied: a black one, an asian one, a disabled girl... I was quick to dimiss it as something dumb, but thinking about it, bullying scarred me for life.
I have zero confidence, and I hate myself.
My romantic life has been dead for years and I usually find my myself fantasizing about fucking wimpy femboys because the comparison makes me feel more like a "powerful man".
I swimmed for years while having horrible cramps and now I'm so fatigued from the gym that I want to puke, but I still do it because I feel it's the only way to like my own body.
I even had facial surgery that did help me, but God only knows if I would have done it if I was happier about myself.
I don't wish my fate to any other fat child, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

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>When you see this image what comes to mind?
I think that kind of human advancement is inevitable. Maybe we'll never get gargantuan spaceships -- I mean just a few decades ago some people expected nuclear-powered cars by now -- but curiosity and necessity both seem to point toward extraterrestrial colonization and space exploration.

Actually, it's nice symbolism for how I've been feeling these past few months: active and eager curiosity to learn and expand my world in tandem with a guillotine dropping in slow motion.

>All my lefty friends are obsessed with pop culture, sports and beer
>Meanwhile righty friends are obsessively reading classic literature/philosophy, language learning (old English seems to be a fad for some reason) and exploring new age practices.
it's like watching the Overton window in real time.

I sit on a stool sipping my starbucks ice white chocolate mocha in the back of the shop. I am empty, I hate this consumerist nature I have seemed to obtain, as if I'm possessed by a demon named Modernity.
Oh curses be to those who propagate this echo of what humanity once was, we are no longer part of natural life, we are now alien and hostile to our own planet. I sip my coffee and I indulge in the sweetness it presents my drab life, waiting for the delicious high of the caffeine to kick in, I want to work hard today to prove to my boss that I really have what it takes to earn the 45 cent raise.

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does a work of art have to be innovative or revolutionary to be great?

The story I'm writing doesn't do anything new. In fact the more I think about it the more I feel like it's a ripoff of a pre-existing classic. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Maybe I'm so caught up in having the perfect idea that I'm not accomplishing anything

Still, this stress and need for greatness is killing me, and if I never achieve it, it will eat at me for the rest of my life

I feel like a fool who has overloaded himself with too much work. I finished my undergrad last year, and currently work as a salaried engineer. I decided outright as soon as I graduated that I wanted to pursue my Master's degree in programming while at the same time making an attempt to take the LSAT and get into law school, because engineering bores me, and at the same time dedicate most of my free time to writing and music.

I started my Master's in January, and I have to take my midterm today, of which I did not study for at all. I've been floundering the entire semester, turning in nothing for my first project, mechanically trudging through lectures without thinking about the material. The overall ennui experienced in this semester is most likely going to culminate with dropping the class and eventually dropping from the master's program completely by the end of the year. Personally, I would love to sever myself from this dreadful Master's completely, to focus what energy I have left of a 40 hour work week into LSAT studying, writing, reading, and music. The problem I am struggling with is one with my ego, there is nothing to boast and brag about giving up halfway through the first semester. I am only taking a single introductory Master's course, and I can't even motivate myself to at least complete it before I drop out. What good am I? I know for a fact that I am making a fool of myself for telling friends, family, coworkers of my grandiose plans in the months leading up to the start of the semester. And now I will have to live with the embarrassment of either lying to their face when they ask of my progress, or telling the truth. At least I haven't completely ruined myself yet, I haven't told anyone of my aspirations for Law... and that is only because I fear what will happen to me if I do follow through with law. The possibility exists that I will be in this exact same position, a lawyer suffering from the pangs of l'ennui.

Still, there is nothing left for me to cultivate in engineering, I've mastered the domain of engineering, I've reached the optimal peak of the profession: getting and retaining a job that pays an obscene amount of money (before my department gets liquidated and outsourced to the Orient). There is nothing more to engineering, in this sense at least. I speak vulgarly and badly of this profession, which is undeserving, and in actuality I do not harbor any hatred towards it. I simply fell for the age old trick, 'get a STEM degree and get a job', and I have, and I've been sore ever since. The education I've received is only useful for getting a job, and now that I have one, I've reached my conclusion with engineering. Now, I must go take this exam, and gracefully bow out and get a partial refund for these god damned credit hours.

Pic related, sitting in my uni library next to D H Lawrence books in the English literature section. A book cover with his face on it is staring at me. Hello, friend.

Apologies for blogpost.

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I'm a depressed mathematics student. I'm doing well in the field for someone whose university has a mediocre department and who has only been seriously engaged with math, let alone higher math, for a couple of years, but I am not happy. I just don't enjoy the work of the mathematician. Sometimes I see people post here about how mathematicians are based philosophers revealing the fundamental truths of the universe--this is not accurate. That description is the experience of _learning mathematics_, that is, mathematics that is fifty years or more old and has been milled down and refined into a state where all its elegance and beauty shines through. Building new mathematics on the other hand is simple drudgery. Your results are confusing and often seem unrelated to anything of actual interest, and it takes _forever_ to get them. The small moments of insight are not enough to sustain me. Some people seem the relish the feeling of being at the frontier of what is known, or at least feel like they're doing something useful for the future. I don't. It doesn't help that I have very little going on in my life outside of academics, I have not even spoken to anyone outside of the gym, the department, or my mother for the past several months. My work ethic has crumbled and I'm scraping by with as little effort as I can manage. I did no work for the past four days at all. I don't know what to do with my life at this point because it seems clear I can't go on in this way, eventually I'll have to start working hard and I'll crash and burn. I wish I had just stuck with CS and got a dumb software development job, I know from experience that those guys are making bank with a tenth the effort I put in, even with my laziness factored in. Or just gone for philosophy or lit like I wanted and then killed myself after I couldn't get a job. Instead I'm broke sitting in my bedroom with no friends and a bunch of useless esoteric knowledge.

also it's windy as FUCK today pretty sure our roof is getting damaged

Pouring a drink for you user.

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lawrence was a massive pedo

Started wondering wheter I really want to fuck thots and live a life of hedonism or if these things only attract me because they are something I never did while being pretty much ubiquitous and I'm just too insecure and weak to tread my own path away from the zeitgeist.

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Xanax

I really want to be full on immortal, like porky in mother 3, to the extent that I think it's making me into a bad person.

I'm just concerned with money, because I think it's my best shot.

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You know things that 99 percent of the population will never know, that's gotta mean at least something.

I tried to do it a couple of months ago and had to stop because it felt like my eyes were going to explode.

Be sure to shitpost the means to immortality here when you dicover them.

>Be sure to shitpost the means to immortality here when you dicover them.

If I find the means to immortality I'm making you retards immortal with me.

Don't wanna be alone forever.

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I have a weird grasp on reality. I don't have a hard time differentiating fiction from reality but I have aspirations that are not based in reality. Does that make sense? It's hard to explain and I don't know how to do it. I know I'll look stupid, and I think that's okay because we're all user here. Do you guys know that Drive user post where he emulated Drive from Drive? I do that, and it shifts. I wouldn't just be Drive, I'd be [insert character] and do things that [insert character] would want to do. It's mercurial. Television, movies, books, etc. I find a character I like and sort of emulate them. On and off until I come to my senses and feel the moment of lucidity where I say no more to myself. Does that make sense? Am I crazy? I may be crazy. I have doubts of my sanity.

I know it's harmless, though. I wouldn't be like, "yeah I want to emulate JWG haha" or something like that. It's mostly the character's interests. Or goals. I wish some careers/occupations/whatever were in the real world. I would want to do them.

Am I crazy? I feel like I'm crazy and need to see a therapist over this so I can get some sort of medication. What the fuck is wrong with me?

No you just have undiagnosed autism.
Did you also have a single mother?

Yes, but what does that have to do with it?

Should I be flattered that someone likes me for my race/ethnicity primarily? Is that something I should look for in a partner? Because to me it feels like I am just being seen as some piece of flesh with unrealistic expectations set upon them. It has me curious and it feels like a field in my favor but at the same time my mind is just screaming "No you goddamn retard"

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Your identity doesn't have a structure, because you as a male never had a role model that was also a male, so you switch between this people you see in the arts and media. You probably did this as a child as well, but children shows are much more hallow with their characters that you weren't able to realize it until you were an adult, and that you're cognitive ability is much higher now.

I mean thats not whats going to keep you together in the long run, only a real connection and relationship will. Every crush is built upon a superfluous identity that never really corresponds with the person.

Cringe

I actually had plenty of male role models due to partaking in hobbies and stuff of that nature. I never really tried to emulate them, oddly enough.

Then they weren't role models user.
Role models are what we emulate as children

They were role models though as I did look up to them. Maybe I did emulate them by taking part in the hobbies and stuff like that. They were just normal people, though. They weren't fantastical. The irony is I wish I had emulated them more. Maybe my life wouldn't be in depressive shambles.

Thats what I'm saying, you've only now realized you emulate others because you your self are but a chaos of an unidentified self, an alien in his own life. Every choice is but a foreign entity to you, an outsider being ran along the railway of chaos and entropy.

Do you have goals? Do you have a dream?

Not the user you are talking to, but everything you just said applies to me. How can I escape it? I remember telling a psychologist during my teenage years that my personality was completely molded by whichever external factors happened to influence me at the time but he didn't take it seriously.

>Do you have goals? Do you have a dream?
To creat, to feel confortable on my own skin, to marry someone I can trust and to raise my children better than I was raised. To sail around the world and maybe create a good school on my shitty country.

Please, please, please shed some light unto how I can stop the madness that encompasses my being and all aspects of my life.

I just can't visualize novels in my head the way other people do. People seem to see movie scenes in front of them when reading. They see roses and colorful clothes, they hear the music, smell the perfumes, and feel the drenching rain and violent winds. In my mind's eye everything seems grimy, weak, and claustrophobic. Even when the author is describing lush meadows and soaring peaks, all I see are brown and solitary landscapes. Maybe this is a reflection of the state of my mind. I probably need to stop seeing descriptions as filler leading up to crucial insights or plot points, and start appreciating them on their own.

It's simple but you're not going to like it.
You're going to say it's a meme.
But the truth is Christianity ( Catholicism in particular ) teaches what it means to be human.
We as humans, have one track, To be born, and to die. But that's simply the casing, the bullet and drive of what we are. But there is more to it then that, there is a trigger, there is a puller, and a target.

You need to mold your being, define where your value in life lays.
You want children, so you want a career.
You want a wife, so you want morals.
You want to see the world, so you'll need principals.
You want to help others, so you need a cause.

Your life isn't doomed user, you have access to the internet. You have resources (tho murky it is) to learn and earn your self all of these factors that you'll need.

I too started from the bottom user, and I'm not to my goals yet but I will be. I will be.

You can be incredibly smart and still wreak havoc if you hold false beliefs. In terms of sheer intelligence, Ben Gurion was probably the most intelligent leader of the 21st century. He was a first rate intellectual who devoured entire volumes at astonishing speeds, and at one point he managed to learn Turkish (a quite difficult language) in a matter of days. Nonetheless, he mismanaged Israel's economy to a mind boggling extent, imposing on it an economic system that kept it on the brink of bankruptcy for decades. On the other hand, his neighbor to the east, Saddam Hussein, was a barely-educated brute from a peasant family, yet nonetheless, he put in place economic policies that led to spectacular economic growth in the 70s (sadly, all that growth was swept away by the Iran-Iraq war and the catastrophes that followed). He was a simple man who believed only in what worked. State enterprises were incurring losses? He sold them to the private sector. American businessmen were creating jobs and paying him handsome sums in taxes? He invited more of them. It's amazing how much sophisticated one can be and still be wrong.

Thank you. I started my journey back into christianity some months ago, but tonight I've been plagued by the thought my belief might not be genuine, but just something else I started emulating.

Your post helped me, and, as delusional as what I'm about to say may sound, I see it as a sign from God.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I hope all your endeavors go well and will pray for you, user.

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Thank you user I need it

I will pray for you as well tonight

I'm the dude watching these fuckwits, lolling because my B-class ship is really S-class and they'll never catch up after I laser a hole through that cargo hold and yank some sweet nichronium

Starting to hate my mum lads

It's chill, just don't kill her

Parents have an insane amount of power over me. I'm too useless atm to move out.

Well, just don't kill her

Read up on apoptosis and The Selfish Gene. We evolved to want to kill ourselves when we are made to feel worthless by society.

This way, the group doesn't have to waste resources on those that don't contribute enough to society.

Just jam and the rest happpens on it’s own. Even I can write songs like that and I can’t even play an instrument