Yes yes yes well done slytherin, however

Why the fuck did Hogwarts even need a dungeon?

for the giant basilisk and evil children ofcorse

youtube.com/watch?v=351Aa5q_S98&t=53s

what were they thinking?

Jesus Christ Rowling

>how can he do that? what kind of monster is he to do that to children?

You mean everyone, he was a dark lord.

Holy kek

You realize he literally put the entire human world at risk of extermination and subjugation just because he liked some dude's ass pussy so much, right? This is literally canon. He's not a good guy.

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>-he said calmly

For emo ghosts to hang out in also as an out of the way place to stash the house elves while they do their slave work.

And as for HOWEVER it's like you all forget Dumbledore is a confirmed faggot. Do you really expect an ass pirate to have class or empathy?

A SHIGGILLION TRUBILLION POINTS TO GRIFFINDOR THE HIGEST NUMBER EVER IS BEFORE IT STARTS OVER TO ZERO

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i've been waiting for this to be reposted for like 10 threads now. thank you user.

>"...Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DO E SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
>he said calmly

>what kind of monster is he to do that to children?
He's gay.

>Yes, yes, well done, Slytherin. Well done, Slytherin. HOWEVER, I would appreciate it if you tone down the ruthless bullying of other houses. You Slytherins have been very cruel to Ronald Weasley in particular for casting a spell with a broken wand that caused him to vomit slugs. Why, that's not so awful, children. Some people wouldn't laugh at Ron at all for vomiting a considerable quantity of slimy gastropods. Indeed, someone would even call it... titillating. I certainly would. I once cast a spell that had the slimy little chaps spilling out of Lily Potter's tight, sweet snatch.
>Dumbledore fixes his gaze on Harry
>My tastes are very specific, Harry. She didn't like it and kept shouting this muggle phrase... reep, raep. Something like that. So she threatened to bring me before the Wizengamot if I didn't subsidise her and your father's lavish lifestyle; MY money which you have now inherited and now lays in Gringotts. I never quite got over that, Harry, hence why I strangle lady-boys in Bangkok on the sly in order to blow off steam. She was a good friend.
>...
>Anyhow, FUCK SLYTHERIN. GRYFFINDOR WINS!

imagine an actual nice kid being sorted into slytherin
>your peers hate you
>the other houses think you're a douche
>god forbid you're a mudblood
>you have to live in a dungeon
>even the teachers hate you
what's the fucking point

>I once cast a spell that had the slimy little chaps spilling out of Lily Potter's tight, sweet snatch
can you imagine the crazy sex life that being a harry potter wizard allows? why didn't rowling tell us about all the horny teens in their gender-segregated dorms getting caught conjuring up magical fleshlights and dildos?
also, where were all the interracial fetishists wanting to fuck goblins, house elves, dragons and hippogriffs?
shitty shallow worldbuilding desu

is it all one poster? every post reads the same way what the fuck

Memes aside, isn't Slytherin just for ambitious kids and it just so happens kids of ambitious parents also get that trait?

Makes sense really

>get to hang out and do crazy parties with the rich aristocrats of the wizarding world who are all in slytherin
>make friends and network with them in school so you can get a comfy ministry job after graduation

No character was written by a woman and women lack empathy

there is not a single nice slytherin in the story as far as i can remember

>get invited as the freak nice kid slytherin to be laughed at
>can't land a job that isn't a lawyer or curator or something equally elitist and/or slimey because nobody trusts you

Also for that matter, what the fuck is Snape doing in Slytherin? He doesn't exhibit any of the traits, he's more Ravenclaw than anything. Same with Hermione, she seems like she'd fit there more than Gryffindor.

hermione was going to be in ravenclaw but rowling realized what a pain in the ass it would be to have her in a separate house from ron and harry.

snape is a sneaky fella he's right up slytherin's street.

>HEIL GODRIC!

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i believe it's explained away after the series that the sorting hat knew harry needed ron and hermione or some shit and that hermione was supposed to be in a different house

their common foo is decorated with skulls
Hermione is brave with large anal insertions, brave ones get in griffindor

I feel that while she is smart and all, her biggest quality is her will to stand up for her friends and other and help them in difficult times.

yeah you can't argue that she isn't seriously fucking brave

Can someone explain to me how the fucking Triwizard Tournament is a thing? Why does a Hunger Games for wizards exist?

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It’s not really ment to be hard for wizards about to graduate
Harry was just underage

That plot was so convoluted, why couldn’t they hide the port key on Lang other common o objects

>Why, it's... DEATH! FUCK SLYTHERIN! THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE SLYTHERIN MENACE BEGINS NOW! PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, TURN ON THE GAS! YES, YES, WELL DONE, SLYTHERIN! WELL DO E SLYTHERIN FOR DYING SO WELL! SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
My fucking sides

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Why did they need to fight dragons?

I originally wrote this one months back. Got a poor reception. Told it was cringe and tryhard, and guess it is tryhard desu. But glad it's giving some a bit of amusement. I also wrote the Warwick char siu pasta.

congratulations you must be very proud.

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I should be knighted. Then I should be presented with Warwick Davis to do with as a please. And then Daniel Radcliffe, cause why stop at one midge?

Reminder that Dumbledore was a Gryffindor when he was a student.

>SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!

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This. As much as Rowling and the moviemakers tried to shit on Slytherin, it’s apparent that it’s the elite house, which every reasonable, non-angsty, non-autismo, non-contrarian 10 year old would want to be in. The events of Harry Potter are just in Harry’s imagination as cope for being an orphan and sorted into a hufflepuff tier house
Slytherin>Ravenclaw>>Gryffindor>Hufflepuff

Imagine being a 7th year and witnessing that shit

Kill yourself I wrote that pasta

Nope, I did. And I wrote up the followup about the rusty knife too, albeit it really wasn't as good as the first part and I'm glad it never really caught on like the first part.

Cringe

Based

>there is not a single nice slytherin in the story as far as i can remember
Slughorn

>made his own club of favourite students and ignored the other kids
>so easily flattered that voldermort manipulates him into telling him everything about horocruxes, thus setting up the nightmare that is harry potter's life
>erases his own memory so he can stop feeling bad about it
yeah he's great

>nice kid sorted into slytherin

The nice kid thinks that and asks 'ANYTHING BUT SLYTHERIN' and the hat listens. That's what Harry did.

Slytherin is like banking. It's full of people who don't worry about the stereotype, because they fulfill it.

yeah but what if the kid's parents were really mean to the hat when they were at hogwarts and never apologised so it punishes the nice kid by shoving them into slytherin?

HOWEVER

Ravenclaw : Finds the key.
Gryffindor : Kicks the door down.
Slytherin : Picks the lock.
Hufflepuff : Knocks.

This. Slughorn is no hero. He is a gloryhunting pussy that wants to attach himself to anyone he feels worth noting without actually doing the work or facing repercussions when it goes south.

I remember calling it cringe lol :P

>mean
>to a hat

How exactly is an eleven year old going to bully a hat in the >2 minutes he has it on his head?

slam it on the ground and laugh at it. poor hat. he'll show them.

what if the hat shits while the kid has it on

I just imagine slytherian is a metaphor for Trump supporters so I am ok with him teasing kids

the hat can't shit on a kid it'll lose it's job. and where else is it going to find work that is a very niche market.

Do you think the hat gets any pleasure from having his hole stuffed with the head of an 11 year old child?

no but i bet he gets bored sitting on the boys heads because a cacophony of boobies would enter his mental vision without end

So Slytherin are like Donald Trump, Griffyndoor are like Yang, what are the other houses jigglypuff or whatever?

>I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here, you know
Harry Potter on Dumbledore in the first book
>he still schedule the Slytherin together with Harry's Gryffindor's every single year in Potions where Snape bullies Harry every single lesson and the Slytherins taunt Harry at every single opportunity, just to maximize Harry's pain.

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this is what slytherins deserve

fanfiction.net/s/7062230/1/Concentric-Wavelengths

Then I'm going to add 1 more point to gryffindor.

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>Skipping Ravenclaw and the other one

Reddit: post that

is slytherin basically the chad house/ fraternity?

Harry Potter is reddit anyway

>is slytherin basically the chad house/ fraternity?

No, its the inbred house.

-t. buttblasted hufflepuff

Based

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Did you even read the books?
He does it on purpose, yes. But he does so because Snape is a gigacuck for Harry's mother, which makes him the perfect flesh-shield against anyone who seeks to kill Harry. He's also good at loads of shit that Harry needs to learn to become a good sacrificial lamb.

This was good until the orgy thing. Put it too far over the top. It would be funnier if the students reacted to this as they would any other victory, rather than them seeming so depraved over it.

This

sex is the cheap go to in all of this kind of shit and it's always boring.

>SIX MILLION POINTS TO A HOUSE THAT SHALL CEASE TO EXIST IN 5 MINUTES!"
My sides

Yes, well done OP well done OP...

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What's the point of the Hufflepuff house?

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>What's the point of the Hufflepuff house?

Hippies

DUMBLEDORE ETERNALLY BTFO SLYTHERIN CHADS WE DID IT

cringe

just a place they can put the nice dumb retard kids.
you've got -
slytherin for the creepy little stuck up rich cunts
ravenclaw for the weirdo freaks nobody else wants to talk to
gryffindor for the cocky 'look at me' competitive assholes
and huffllepuff for the total no hope retards
it's a very good system really, colour code the kids and you know what you're dealing with on sight. very forward thinking.

Based

Plottwist: Albus gets out into house slytherin by the sorting hat.

This is purely an American thing. I was told their university admission system works in a similar fashion.

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>INFINITY POINT PLUS ONE NO TAKE BACKS

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school orgies are the best. imagin all the cute/hot girls in your grade 7 or 8 class all naked and fucking each other.

I always thought that Rowling went a bit too far in that chapter

user...

>and a good friend

Absolutely based and under used pasta.

you're emotionally stunted. makes you logical and functional i'm sure, but an unfeeling jerk too

If I were a Hogwarts student, I would not give a shit about "points" for the remainder of my academic year after this exposed the entire system to be a pile of horseshit.

>where were all the interracial fetishists
i think hagrid's/olympe's parents being confirmed giant-fuckers and umbridge's implied gangrape from pissed-off centaurs is more than enough for the author to get away with sneaking into a YA series

considering harry potter and his friends just saved all our lives i'd give it a pass to be honest.

lol you little bitch
>He doesn't exhibit any of the traits
you serious?

Dilate.

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>The events of Harry Potter are just in Harry’s imagination as cope
yeah, Harry's the one who's coping here

>erases his own memory so he can stop feeling bad about it
isn't that enough of an arguable point for why he should be considered a nice slytherin? the others would rationalize their fuckery away, he felt so bad about it that he tried messing with his own memory. cowardly, but not indecent

Cedric was a qt :3c

t. every other house
slytherin sucks almost as much as people who unironically and non-contrarianly champion it

>saved all our lives
Nobody had the threat of dying except for Ron's sister, everyone else was just turned to stone and they were fine after a potion.
>b-but muh voldemort
Who comes back anyway and it still doesn't even matter

i dunno man i've got no problem with some kids winning extra points for risking their lives thus winning the cup, over my house winning because i turned a book into an owl real good

"You're awful Albus."

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That's on you then, but if I saw that some students had to fix a problem that the school was too inept to deal with, I'd lose faith in the institution regardless.

you see that i understand.
if i discovered in my first year that one of teachers hired was working for the most feared wizard in current history and it was some 11 year olds that scuppered his plans by going through a built in labyrinth of death within the school, i would peace the fuck out of hogwarts and never return.

B A S E D

special ed

Man, he truly did hate Slytherins

There's no reason for Dumbledore to put Slytherin and Gryffindors in harry's year together in Potion. If Dumbledore knows most of what goes on at Hogwarts like Harry says, he should've seperated the two in the second year to spare Harry being bullied by Malfoy and the Slytherins AND Snape.

Didn’t the author say some retarded shit like “I wish Harry and Hermione ended up together”.

probably she says lots of retarded shit
hermione/harry would have been awful their friendship is one of the best parts of the series.

YOU FUCKER

Boo fucking hoo

Harry literally saved the entire school every year, snitching on kids smoking in the toilet and cheating on tests doesn't compare

WRITING IS HARD OKAY

GOD

>YES I THINK... SLYTHERIN
>haha thanks hat, you fag now fuk off

This the quality content I've come to expect from Yea Forums

Also
>implying the hat is paid
>implying he doesn't do it for the love or ruining young lives

he's not necessarily paid money but staying busy when you're a sentient creature that can't move would be vital to your emotional well being.
>you shit on that kid's head, i'm afraid we have to let you go
and then what? sits on a headstand reliving the glory days? he'd go mad.

Well, that's a fair point.

put the tards in a separate class and you can teach the other kids better and faster

Cunny

elaborate?

I saw The Cursed Child, AMA.

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Dumby didn't want the inmates running the asylum. It's a tale as old as time and a calculated power move

>Didn’t the author say some retarded shit like “I wish Harry and Hermione ended up together”.
In an interview conducted by Emma Watson in 2014, the author told the actress that she put Ron and Hermione together because she wanted to see them together, but that in many ways Harry and Hermione would have been the better fit. "I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment," Rowling said.

mentalfloss.com/article/573986/jk-rowling-regrets-ron-hermione-relationship

BASED

did sam rami cowrite this?

Slytherin - Yale
Griffindor - Princeton
Hufflepuff - Brown
Ravenclaw - Harvard

>wish fulfillment
How? Did she love a ginger?

>you're emotionally stunted. makes you logical and functional i'm sure, but an unfeeling jerk too
People who endanger others for their own selfish desires are emotionally stunted. It takes a courageous and moral person to act righteously even when their emotions are running high.

user, in the first book, he tells the dark lord "swiper, stop swiping". Dumbledore gives Ron and Harry 50 points in his office after the chamber stuff.