Do you have any requirements for people to watch films with you?

Nah drugs aren't as fun as sucking on tits and fucking. What's more, drugs make me horny and I have nothing to fuck but my own hand.

How to fix my lonely and horny?

They have to be dead inside like me. It seems pretty much everyone is unable to laugh at a movie or tv show without staring at whoever they’re with, expecting them to be laughing too. I can’t take it, because it is extremely rare for me to laugh.

Wow, you're such a brave unique snowflake. I stood up and started clapping for a good minute after reading your post.

When I saw the most recent Fast and the Furious movie, after it was over, my friend said that it had way too much plot. Which saved me from having to say it. That's my requirements in a nutshell.

Did you make out with him?

My dad is the only person I can stand watching movies with.

>drugs aren't as fun as fucking
Get a load of this guy

Buy a sex doll instead. One time purchase

Do you make out with him?

Don't do this. It's like having sex with a lifeless corpse.

Nah, his wife was there too.
Though seriously, gay as I may be, what's with the stigma against having close male friends? It's like y'all haven't even read The Three Musketeers.

Only after he blows in my mouth.

>sharing your hobbies with people
why
>lol its not about watching the movie autist its about fucking a hotted bitch
so why even play pretend to begin with? i hate you normalfags so fucking much
I don't even have Netflix

It works when you're a Somnophiliac like me.

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Sounds like a pretty fair price. I paid 150€ for an hour, which was already a discount because I was a virgin. I think her usual rate was 180€.

>y'all
Cringe

Lucky you. Can you show me your lucky lady?

Do not disrespect me.

And what's your suggestion for filling the second person plural void in English? It's not like I'm gonna say votre or vous.

>It's like having sex with a lifeless corpse.
and what's the problem?

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t. virgin

have sex

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millions of years of evolution has programmed us to want to have sex with a living breathing human bean

I'm a poorfag, I haven't graduated to full-size doll yet.

Having an amputee fetish also helps

a/aZLVjPh

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THIS SHIT IS SO REDDIT I MIGHT UNIRONICALLY VOMIT

Just say you all nigger.

we just use "you" for both. If you need to be explicitly plural, you can opt for the mid-atlantic variation "you guys" (gender neutral).

Was it good? Was she pretty?

What does it look like when someone vomits ironically?

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If you have drugs, you have the ability to easily find a girl who'll fuck you for some. It's not rocket surgery, user.

>Implying this is a downside.

yikes why is it headless tho
imagine if sexdolls like the girl in your pic existed haha

fuckin chad lmao

umm u just posted it sweatie

It's just a torso mean for fucking

Seriously objectively answer me

How's it any better than jerking off

Just get an expensive sex toy

I'm a native English speaker, and "you" is ambiguous. And bitching about y'all is elitist in an adolescent way, like it reminds me of when I was fourteen years old.

Yes, not that I have much to compare it to. Started it off with a massage to get me comfortable. I think she could tell I'm not used to having people touch me. I'm glad I paid for an hour, I think I enjoyed cuddling and talking almost more than actual sex. Which was over relatively quickly.

I think she was sexy, but she was kind of a bimbo type, I guess. Big fake tits and dyed blonde hair. I'm into that, which was the main reason why I hired her to lose my virginity (the other big reason being that she was actual German like me, rather than Eastern European like most sex workers in Germany. Not that I discriminate but it was important for me that communication wouldn't be an issue).

"y'all" is okay to use if you grew up using it, but appropriating the word for it's functional benefits is EXTREMELY cringe.

Have you ever cuddled and had sex with a girl for hours on end? If you haven't then you won't understand what it feels like. It's continuous surges of endorphins with every brush of the skin, whiff of her body and glance at her face. Your body is naturally programmed to react this way and fucking your own hand to some images on a screen can't emulate this.

When was this and have you had any since?

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A few months ago, and I haven't. I had a lot of free time and a bit of money and I thought "what the hell, I'm 26 and I'm not gonna have sex any other way."

Might do it again some time when a girl I find interesting is in town. I actually kinda miss it. Again, not so much the sex but simply feeling close to an attractive woman.

You are a nigger.

The thread has a theme, retarded faggot.

>"you" is ambiguous
Not if you're a native English speaker. See, there's this little thing called 'context'.

Jokes aside, I really wish that the people watching movies with me didn't keep talking or doing something disruptive while watching a movie. Part of the reason I prefer seeing films solo at home or at the theater is because for some inexplicable reason, my social circle is filled with people who do that.

Yeah it's great. I had a one-night-stand with a hot girl once before she caught on about my autism and it was great fondling her tits all night while pressing my boner up against her bare ass like a hotdog. Ended in great morning sex.
I'll never experience something like this again unless I pay for it though. 1 hour is definitely not enough for this experience.

Just turn on the subtitles bro.

small dick detected

Too bad prostitutes are illegal in the states

Y'all got some backwards-ass laws.

>ever watching a show without subtitles
There are plebes who do this?

I'm hard-of-hearing asshole.

could you repeat that?

me no hear so good

im so lonely

No way can it be as good as the real thing.

holy shit, i suppose those are 1st world prices, but even so, that sounds retardedly expensive
1 hour with a cute whore shouldn't be more expensive than 4 times your average lunch

yeah

>1 hour with a cute whore shouldn't be more expensive than 4 times your average lunch
Where are you from friend?

>no clit
imma finna pass on this one

That's 700 bucks to fuck her for 8 hours straight though.

Yeah it's only in first world countries that those whores can get away with that. Go to a country less fortunate and your $700 will last you a month of fucking whores daily.

>What are you willing to do while Netflix and Chilling
How about watching the flick in complete silence and then cracking open a cold one and discussing it.

why not spend it on drugs and hire her for like 2 hours, once she leaves you will still be high and in a good mood

Fren, just help me get one of them and I can do the rest.

It's a tough job and it's a service I could never get otherwise. Paying a bit over 100 an hour seems like a fair price to me.

>not smoking weed instead

If you talk during a movie or make any noise (breathing is allowed) I will never watch another movie with you ever again. I also won't watch movie with children.

DUDE WEEED LMAO

Yes, you are not to talk to me during the movie or make any noise.

they've got them on aliexpress

So basically it’s like having sex with a normal woman.

you've never had sex with a normal woman before it seems

depends on the girl

They need to bring extra falcon chow, I'll buy more crab legs to cover it.

I mean normal as in not a porn star. Normal women think it’s enough to just lay there and not do anything. It turns out their brains need to shut off to orgasm and they feel pleasure when they are treated like lifeless dolls. A normal girl gets her deepest orgasms from being dominated and raped.

If she does anything at all it’s because you taught her and instructed her, gave her orders like a robot. Normal girls are too lazy and afraid to do anything else except lay there and be objects.

based

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What the hells is this? I’m 36 and if you have even one relationship you’ll discover how important it is to a woman to be taken without asking.

Can you teach me how?

yeah but she's not attracted to you and a thousand dicks have been in her

Doesn't matter what she feels. You're paying for you.

Either you are having shit lay or giving shit lay...or your dick is very tiny.

I'm 5.5 inches.

whats with the exposed ribcage thing?

What do you mean