ITT: Things tv shows/movies get wrong/right about your job

>Job
Actuary
>Wrong
we actually exist
>Right
Chandler would not want to be an Actuary

Were you a former cop?

Everyone is like that.

Job
Retail
Wrong
No legit hot chick
Right
We do have to smile and be nice

good, suck a cock faggot

>Job
enlisted fuckface in the navy
>Wrong
no cool shit, just standing watch and not sleeping
>Right
everyone is gay as fuck and we all hate our lives. officers live like kings though.

>Job
Cybersecurity Analyst
>Wrong
Everything
>Right
Nothing

The job is literally just reviewing logs and paperwork.

district attorney for SDNY
>wrong
wife being loyal
>right
wife fucking other guys when you're in marriage counseling, leaving to fuck her boss when you wouldnt fix their fuck up. not forgiving you for taking private info from her computer, but forgiving boss for doing the same in addition getting undressed in front of your boss for a conversation of which he kept secret photos for possible blackmail, which you also forgave.

Oh my God, you were a waiter? Thank you so much for your service. Here, allow me to tip you 35% just for being just not hung over enough to bring me my food. Thank you so much for your service. You're why I'm proud to be an American.

The one pure retail job I worked at had quite a few hot chicks. One gal had to custom order her bras from Poland or somewhere like that. Seriously, the finest fucking check out girls I've ever seen in my life, albeit we were a sporting goods/camping store located between two college towns and the starting pay and hours were better than 90% of part time jobs in the area.

>Job
Writer
>Wrong
You can't just fuck off to a cabin somewhere to get 'inspired' and I don't have a comic relief agent who is trying to be a friend.
>Right
It pays fuck all, and you can sit around at home in your dressing gown smoking ciggies and drinking coffee.

Jesus Christ, if you lived in a more civilized state you could have just bought a gun and murdered her.

>you also forgave

Nigger, sort yourself out.

Based nigger/white trash

lol pussy cuckboy can’t even honor is vows, kill the bitch

lets see some writing samples

I've worked in food service. Now I work in a laboratory with cutting edge services that are the best in my industry. The people I worked with that always considered themselves above their job as a barista/waiter/bartender or whatever were always shit at their jobs. If you have a shit job, and you are shit at it, then you are exactly where you need to be.

Nurses are nuts. My wife went into surgery on a Friday and all the banter during the 3-4 hours was how drunk they were going to get that night.

you as in her learn to read from context

I got your reference. Thanks for trying.

Hey, at least they weren't bantering about how drunk they were on the job.

Why do you guys use excel for all the technical provisions? It is retarded

I loved it to be honest. Bunch a short little asian girls talking about best happy hour. Got my blood going. Then had to drag my swollen and needy wife back home and watch over her for a weekend.

One that I can think of that applies to a lot of jobs.

>people can go on break and leave for hours on end whenever they want

Happens a lot in sitcoms and some movies.

>job
EMT
>Wrong
Anything having to do with EKG's , saving people from cardiac arrest , the effectiveness rate of defibrillators, also how bullet wounds work. How much physical contact you're allowed to have with patients before they can even give consent ... there's a lot. Any action movie triggers me to no end because I'm also pretty /k/ and am trained to constantly think about how to treat different injuries. The few movies that can convince me of some realism are , however, fucking amazing to see
>Right
It's pretty much exclusive to medical shows and I haven't seen a lot of paramedic shows which aren't just documentaries. The one exception that usually defies these stereotypes is the show "ER". Highly recommend it.

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there's a whole completely accurate movie about you, dumbass

>food service

I hate american english.

Fuck off, bimbo.

Usually it's because the older guys/management expect the calculations to be wrong/out of tolerance and require manual fixes, and with excel it's a lot easier to just hop in and make a change here and there then quantify the impact. My place is trying to make a more locked-down system, but even when my project team gets it working correctly BAU management still doesn't want to change anything, because they don't trust that the process can be done correctly from start to finish and not need fudged fixes

>doesn’t know that’s what everyone does in every job
I’m an HR Manager and if people knew the levels of shit I talked after giving them an interview they would have an anxiety attack.

dont worry i have an elaborate plan. she was in jeopardy of losing her medical licence for using patient information to help her boss. i tried to get her a sweetheart deal where she could get her license back after 8 months but that wasnt enough for her. in the end she ended up confessing to using patient info at her medical license hearing anyway.

she didnt lose her license when she got home she thought it was me "im glad it all worked out i said" the same night she found out her boss had made a sizeable donation to the head of the medical board for research. she was angry with me and asked me if i even tried(remember she confessed to her own fuck up to the board anyway) i said no(this is important) and she left to stay at her bosses place.

what they dont know is that the bribe to the medical board of which i new could be an avenue to get her license back is how im going to put him in jail.

I can do that at my job. I'm an auto body tech, work for a small business that restores jockey trucks (pic related). I make my own schedule and leave whenever I feel like, usually work ~30hrd a week and make ~2k/mo. Not everyone is a slave working for scraps at giant corporations with millionaire ceos.

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Oh I should probably do one
>hr manager
>wrong: we “consider” every applicant and “call them” even if they don’t get the job
>right: we hire a disturbing amount of people we want to fuck

What a tweest user, good luck with enacting justice.

I can't respect anyone who can't find the time to tell someone why they were not chosen, especially after telling you were guaranteed an answer in 2 weeks, but maybe is just me who does not lie.

>wrong: we “consider” every applicant and “call them” even if they don’t get the job
It has to be HR that sets a new record for laziness. How hard is it to draw up a "thanks but no thanks" template and send it out ffs.

A lot of it is for “just in case”, a lot of people we hire freak it pretty early and it helps to have people on hold.

>~30hrd a week and make ~2k/mo
that's not even $17/hr

>job
College Professor
>wrong
Bells ring to end class
>right
We do sleep with our students from time to time

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>Hates American English
>Uses American slang
RENT FREE

When I was in college I worked ~10-14 hours a week and made 300 bucks untaxed per week, the courier life was sweet

My company has a bunch of defibrillators spread around the office, and I've always figured if I have to use one on some fat sack of shit having a heart attack it's so HR/Legal can say "we tried" and hand wave any attempts at litigation.

Could you rec some movies that are accurate?

That's cool and everything, but you ought to be putting that bitch on skid row to boot. Good luck user, we're all looking forward to a follow up on this shit show.

>Job
Sailor
>Wrong
How quickly you get from point A to B
>Right
Comfy and comradery

>ITT: Things tv shows/movies get wrong/right about your job
>>Job
>Financial analyst
>>Wrong
>Almost no ever shorts stock
>>Right
>White people do wear vests all the time

t. works in BO at a 3rd tier "boutique"

Don´t make me laugh faggot, I´ve seen hobos more P R E F T I G I O U S than you cuckboi.

Navy, merchant marine, or commercial shipping?

>Job
Tower technician
>Wrong/Right
Never seen my job in any movie or show, but there is this common misconception of it being a risky job when in fact most lethal accidents are easily preventable and only happen because there's an unusually high number of double digit drug addicts working in this sector.

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>How quickly you get from point A to B
The 21th century, the digital age, the fast age, the age of "so much stuff happening at once and quickly" and yet if you could ride a horse on water you would be faster than almost all ships.

>job
special ops
>wrong
it's not like in action movies
>right
still fucking cool sometimes though

what country?

>I’m expected to believe that people who I browse this board with have good jobs

You're a rude fucker

>it's not like in action movies
Oddly makes me glad, feels inhuman the idea that we could have a dozen of nameless criminals shoot every other week and not much changes.

UK

para?

>Job
Automotive Technician
>Wrong
That it's working to lower middle class, I work on foreign luxury cars and most of the guys in my shop make over $80k per annum.
>Right
It's messy, I wash my hands, arms and face ten times per day and go through a few pounds of paper towels per week.

>Job
Accountant
>Wrong
Anything like this happening
>Right
We're all soulless autismos

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who dares wins

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t. Walt

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d-do you have kik or sc?

Is this a Billions thread?

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>Army officer
>>Wrong
>Almost everything.

This because they almost always portray Officers as doing work when in fact they are on their phones 24/7.

is this some meme from /brit/
kik

>Job
Janitor in big store
>Wrong
Nobody wears that generic brownish uniform, it's not necessarily a dead-end job and there can be progression if you're with the right agency (I'm currently team supervisor and I can easily be in-store cleaning manager somewhere if I apply), evening/late shifts are chill as fuck
>Right
Keys, constantly either mopping or sweeping something, 'I stopped caring about this job years ago' attitude, minimum wage, customers treat you like less than shit

Sorry senpai but i can't add unknowns like that

Consultant for an elected Democrat official
>false: we’re actually democrats and want to promote change, it’s not the most major office so we just ran as democrat because it’s in a city and no one would notice
>true: lots of (minor) corrupt bullshit, we have to hire family members of powerful people sometimes and it makes us sick

why are you guys so entitled?
take your fucking 2 dollar tip and be happy with it. you're literally doing your job. you don't get paid enough? should have learned a marketable and in-demand skill

were you ever tortured?

only in training

what was it like? what was the worst part?

Get tied and put on a hole in the middle of nowhere without eating or drinking for days

If i like BDSM would I be good for the job?

reminds me of Buried
the film was cheesy enough that I was totally expecting him to get rescued at the end and then he didn't ahahhaa. alright I'll give you a +1 for that movie.

>My wife went into surgery
No, they went into your wife with a BBC.

>>true: lots of (minor) corrupt bullshit, we have to hire family members of powerful people sometimes and it makes us sick
Did you seriously expect otherwise?

i do think It would be easier to endure lmao lots of shocking, drowning and hanging involved

We expected it, just saying the stereotype in media is obviously true.

Oh my god I’m in

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>Emiliachad is a SAS operator
BASED

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where did you get shocked? nipples I hope hehe

>job
Former KGB.
>wrong
Nothing.
>right
Everything.

aye
got strapped to a metal frame and got hit near the heart area

>Job
Musician
>Wrong
Performing live while drunk/on drugs isn't fun, it's pretty stressing actually
>Right
I do get a lot of pussy tbqh

If i came would I get disqualified

>We do sleep with our students from time to time
Based. Studing to be a professor here.
Any recomendation on how to aproach them?
Which student should I aproach?
How to choose a target?
What's the best age?
What to do and what not?
Tell me everything you know user.

idk, probably not? kek

Fucking kek'd hard. I'm the complete opposite, although it's not the Senate or House, but still an elected official. But my guy still ran as a Republican because it was the path of least resistance to being elected, despite being a full blown Democrat.

Do you find a lot of snack wrappers in the women's bathroom? My friend was a janitor for a bit in an office building and he said he was constantly finding Nature's Valley granola bars in the women's bathroom. I suppose it was women cheating on their diets they had spent half the day talking about.

another user here. my family used to do workers comp fraud investigation. basically any company that pays for worker insurance...safeway as i recall hired my family once. PI license requirements differ from state to state. clients can take a long ass time to pay you (90 days from completion of work FWIR), shit got too expensive for my family. IDK about user

Prepare to get #metoo'ed if it's in exchange for a passing grade.

I've figured it's just as such, but it's still really frustrating to know that we don't even get a choice between team red and team blue but rather team self-servicing and team self-obsessed and we don't even get to know which is which until after they've been elected.

>But my guy still ran as a Republican because it was the path of least resistance to being elected, despite being a full blown Democrat.
Based and Kasichpilled

it is not

the only Billions threads on Yea Forums center around pronouns

Don't approach them. They'll approach you.

>nurses really do want that doctor dick
absolutely based and truthpilled

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What are your thoughts on pic related?

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>lawyer
>is a literal cuck
>is also a figurative cuck
surprise, surprise
but seriously, user, sorry that's happening to you man.

Were you a DA or an AUSA? Glad I scaled back my practice before it cost me my marriage.

Merchant marine

Nah son ships run 24/7 aka aminimum of 240 nautical miles a day. No horse can go half that. And they need to eat and rest.

Checked. Also, why do you wear the mask?

>Job
Call Center Rep

>Wrong
Browses the internet freely and has several minutes between calls and texts on their phone

Shit's back to back and everything is blocked on the internet and no cell phones allowed to appease credit card jews.

>Right
The lowest of the low work there, just a step above fast food and gas station employees. People quit on the spot just like they do in the movies/TV.

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He's a big guy

Probably because depending on how high he goes it can get cold af

I work in a bottle shop
>things they get wrong
We card everyone who looks under 30
We literally don't care if you steal from us unless it's one of the independent places
There's not usually any references to how depressing the job can be. I have a regular lady who's had multiple miscarriages because of her alcoholism and she tells me about it in front of her young kids. It's fucked. Some people don't know how to live.

>things they get right
Thieves being too fucking stupid for subtlety and getting watched
Regulars who know our names
Doing fuck all / studying behind the counter

You gotta make relationships with attorneys/people that have lots of little shit to tide you over.

>Job
High school teacher.

>Wrong
Every bad student can be brilliant with proper motivation.
We have to stop lectures dead on their tracks when the bell rings.
School supervisors are obstructive bureaucrats who don't care about the kids.

>Right
You can have genuine friendships with some of your students.
You stop believing you'll change the world eventually and is just content to change one person's life
Some teachers genuinely hate the kids and mock/shit-talk them mercilessly behind their backs.

>Regulars who know our names
Literally me after living with a liquor store across the road

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what do you sell?

Sounds /comfy/. I wish you nothing but red skies at night.

Do they know yours too or are you one of the ones they talk about with a descriptor?

>High school teacher.
You deserve a medal. Literally the most underappreciated profession there is. Much respeck

I bet he went home and pulled his old pud like a piece of fresh chewed bubblegum.

I know a guy that used to hang iron and he told me that half the bridges in this country were put up by meth heads. I think about that shit every time I cross a river.

I've moved since but yeah, they knew my name

>wrong
>Bells ring to end class
Fuck you
Lol

>half the bridges in this country were put up by meth heads

Europe was conquered for five years by meth heads.

I've never tried it and I don't agree with it, but amphetamines are not opiates and a lot of normal people take them under the guise of medication.

>Job
Analytical Chemist

>Wrong
Pretty much everything they show on tv shows like CSI. There is no taking a speck of blood and instantly having an instrument tell you what drugs are in someone’s system and what concentrations they are, including poisons etc, it doesn’t work that way. Labs are not set up with fancy lighting and blinky lights, they are drab plain rooms.

>Right
Basically nothing

I do ISP support, so billing, tech support, retention, and a little bit of sales on Sundays when the sales team is gone.

It's stressful and not for everyone because dumb normies scream at you for things outside of your control. I'm one of the few that can handle it no problem though, pay ain't too bad either at my particular company.

I love hearing the dumb excuses people have for not paying their bill. They expect the internet to just stay on forever despite them not paying for like 3 months straight. They come in, demanding an extension, only to never fulfill it and ask for another. I love telling them straight up "pay your damn bill retard" in a customer service way and then telling them to fuck off, in a customer service way. I hate these faggots and the only thing that soothes my rage is the fact that I get to tell them no when they demand this & that and expect their yelling or demanding of a supervisor to get anything done. No no no no no fuck off you ain't getting shit. Then my supervisor says the same thing and I can hear them scream into the headset from 10ft away.

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I disagree. Teachers, nurses, and waiters get their dicks sucked by society way, way too regularly. I'm not shitting on the competent members of those professions, but the problem with this fucking dick sucking is that there are a tremendous amount of incompetent fucks that just see it as a paycheck and need to be checked for the repercussions of their terrible work. I asked a neighbor of mine that happens to be a middle school teacher what he thought the biggest problem at his school was and he said that terrible teachers can't get fired. I was fucking shocked, this guy is the typical soiwojack and I would have figured he would talk about funding or student teacher ratios or whatever NPR shit we typically hear but in his opinion about 10% of the teachers at his school needed a fucking pink slip.

>Regulars who know our names
I don't know your real names but I give you guys nicknames.

What kind of analytical equipment do you use in your lab? GC-MS, FTIR, LIBS, etc.? The service techs for Bruker and Zeiss are basically full time employees in my lab for all of the preventative maintenance that equipment needs.

Job
School guidance counselor
Wrong
That kids will clam up for weeks straight while you talk to them. Even some of the worst kids at my highschool love the chance to be out of class and talk.
Right
Parents being unbelievably terrible and unaccountable for some of the environments they put their kids in. And quite a lot of home calls.

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>Job
orthopedic surgeon pgy-1
>Wrong
nothing about it is sexy
>Right
almost every female I meet wants to fuck me but I don’t have the time

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I literally met with my counselor twice in high school. You offically have the most worthless job in the world. Save the taxpayers money and neck yourself.

>Job
Unemployed
>Wrong
No wacky adventures to get a job or get rich
>Right
Frantic attempts to get work punctuated by periods of slovenly, drunken, hopelessness

gib money plox

When I was a synthesis chemist we had a Bruker 400, several HPLCs (UV-DAD) Agilent, hitachi, waters, gilson prepLCs, LCMS were sciex. Now as only analytical I pretty much only use LCMS for what I do now, a mix of Thermo, waters and Agilent for drug analysis.

Thanks for that based reference.

I hope you get shot by a mediocre white man

Interesting stuff, may I ask what industry?

Don't half-ass your wishes. If you really want that person to get shot, you should hope it's by a black guy they've never met or their spouse, statistically speaking.

I make $54k. surgeons don’t make much money until after residency

Fair point

>nurses really do want that doctor salary

I have seen MC being a carpet and cloth sales in Matchstick Man and a bed and mattress sales in The Internship. In both instance the Ji was used to contrast how exciting other jobs are.

The only neet movie I can think of is I Vitelloni and it is spot on about how I view everyone else.

And are they right?

A pilot comes over the airplane's intercom
"ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, there's no need for alarm, but if there is a doctor aboard the plane could you please inform your nearest flight attendant."
Five minutes later, the pilot get's back on the intercom:
"Once again, if there are any doctors on board, please come to the front of the plane. Also, we don't need anymore nurses."

Assembly line operator
>wrong
This job doesn't exist in US and they have all moved to Asia.
>right
It really is a dead end job.

mailfag

>wrong
"going postal". i love my cushy decent wage job and so do most of my coworkers

>right
dogs hate mailmen

Contract research organization (CRO), mostly new drug clinical analysis.

no frame of reference for my current gig, but my previous job was a dispatcher for a trucking company:
>wrong
truckers spend much more time sitting around on standby than actually driving, also movies depict mostly gruff and burly biker types as truckers, but its literally 95% Mexicans and Cubans that dont speak a word of English
>right
they don't get much sleep and are grumpy all the time

Based.
I do the same in a local telecommunications company, but in the crosselling area.
I've seen waves upon waves of 18 years old getting their first full time job then quitting as soon as they get yelled on.

>loser believes that only other losers browse and post on Yea Forums

I'm a radiographer.

>Job
Doctor
>Wrong
individual doctors can do anything and everything from ICU interventions/reading MRIs/looking at specimens under the microscope/general surgery/treating rare and unusual medical conditions
You usually have a whole sub-specialized team, multi-disciplinary meetings, most shows don't even get the hospital hierarchical atmosphere correct, except maybe scrubs.
Also tv shows and movies don't portray birth or death very accurately in general.
>Right
How fucked up our personal/social lives can get

Same. Accountant.

Wrong:
Everything in the Accountant.
Right:
It’s lame and pretty boring, but the money is great.

thats 54k more than me, gib money for tendies. please and thx

There must be a more accurate movie about accountant.

>but the money is great.

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I am an assembly line operator. I met a R&D developer. Once our whole shift had to greet this accountant lady who came down here to inspect our machines. That's when the guy told me his sister is an accountant in KPMG.

He said that the end of financial year was the busiest time for his sister who had to travel all over the country.
The guy quit because we downsized the R&D department.

care to give us some examples user?

>job
Park ranger

>wrong
That we know the whole area by heart. We have a guy that's been here 35 years and still uses a map or gps.
Cool encounters with dangerous animals on a wild basis
Being unarmed: We all carry guns and have law enforcement powers. Rarely used though.

>right
Visitors doing dumbass shit. When a kid is about to hurt themselves it's almost always cause an adult told them to go there for a picture.
People getting lost or going missing. Happens about twice a week during busy season if not more. 95% are found within an hour. 4% within 3 hours. Last real missing was about six years ago. Turned out to be a terminal old guy who wanted to die on his own terms amongst nature. Took 2 weeks to find his body and the note about all that.

Amazing and unique job though. Pay sucks but it's liveable. Main downside is dealing with the public.

Is it true that accounting doesn't actually involve a lot of math? An accountant friend once told me that.

not an accountant but its only really basic addition and subtraction and they usually use a calculator.
its literally filling in sheets and balancing numbers

Cream of the thread right here

>working in that same store
>come in the morning after your sleep
>she passes you by
>good morning user, im getting coffe you want some?
>morning, sure thanks.
>the smell of braps and moisturizer mixed with mediocre perfume passes you by, watch that ass waddle away
>test raised, work morale raised, get promotion quick
fuck

I should become an accountant.

looking to get a wildlife management degree and torn between going for Park Ranger or Game Warden. which one has less assholes telling me what to do?

What’s the pay like? I’m currently studying chemistry.

Does that mean you have to qualify for law enforcement to be a park ranger? Shit.

$120k/yr with only a BSc in chemistry.

Warden generally because rangers interact with the public more. In general wardens focus more on preventing and investigating crimes while rangers focus more on making sure all the wildlife is doing well and keeping things good. In some places one role does both.

Depends where.

thank you based nature man

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Thanks.

>Job
Animator
>Wrong
People using paper and pencil. It's all digital now.
>Right
It's tedious, miserable work but it's a creative challenge and I get to work from home.

lol

>hahaha look at all those stupid black people who don't earn less than minimum wage like us!
cope

I'm an elementary school teacher.

This shit so accurate.

Job
Laboratory Assistant in Hospital
Wrong
Only doctors use the lab (at least in House)
Right.
People wear PPE

No, just studied and got licensed for it.
Client were the insurance companies or human services for those gigs. Guy on workers compensation. Catch them using their left arm to pick up more than 15kg, get photos/videos.
Quit because it wasn't mentally stimulating.
Went into financial crime (after some uni) with a major bank instead.

Tell Jack Burton I said hi.

>but the problem with this fucking dick sucking is that there are a tremendous amount of incompetent fucks that just see it as a paycheck and need to be checked for the repercussions of their terrible work

God, this so much. I can forgive some incompetence but the ones who are usually incompetent are the ones who refuse to learn to correct their actions, take everything personally, and refuse to take responsibility. These types use politics as leverage to get ahead rather than being a good worker or good human fucking being When I see this shit in a hospital setting it makes my blood boil. I've learned to handle these types better but I will never stop hating this even after I die and the all the stars in the sky burn out.

to prevent windburn (which by the way is not caused by the wind itself but by the depletion of protective oils from your skin then becomes more exposed to UV from the sun)
UUUU
He's not wrong. Knowing the type of people I've worked with, I feel bad for the engineers who have to sign for the shit we do and are ultimately responsible for any fuckups. I've outright turned down certain jobs when I found out who my climbing partner was.

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half of the replies to this post are butthurt niggers who leave shit tips

>mock/shit-talk them mercilessly behind their backs
for some reasson that line hit me hard

Literally everything relating to health or biochemistry. My favorite is
>uses a red blood cell to test a person's DNA

>he tips well
Yikes

>job
cook
>wrong
one superstar guy grilling, frying, and doing all other kinds of shit at once (as opposed to in reality, most tasks are divided and simplified)
anyone giving a shit about cleanliness beyond the bare minimum and not upsetting the boss
the entire crew's hands aren't covered in cuts and oil burns
all white uniforms and silly hats (white is a disaster, it would be stained and irreversibly disgusting within hours)
>right
lots of yelling
half of the crew is mexicans who barely speak english

how do you get up most towers? are the small narrow ladders I see going all the way up the only way?

thank you for your service

For most towers yes the ladders are the only way. The really tall ones have an elevator that goes about 2/3 of the way up and the rest is done by climbing. When there's more than two workers or the equipment we're carrying is too heavy for a job we get a crane to take us up and down (this isn't always the case because crane hire and operation costs a small fortune so contractors avoid it like the plague). Then there's the shit-tier climb on towers that have no ladders so you just use the structure itself like pic related.

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what hospital you work at? maybe i need to apply because neither the attending nor the residents we have are worthy.

unless we talking about money. in that case yeah. everyone on our floor wants it

>it's a creative challenge
really? All I work on is other people's stupid shit and I'm burnt out creativity

>>Job
fine-dining line cook
>>Wrong
nobody ever fucks with the food
>>Right
literally everything else

>Job
Barber
>wrong
Implying that Barbers talk shit to their clients and are always loose and "wassup nigga"
>right
We cut hair

That's literally it

>job
Broadcast tech
>wrong
A cameraman and journalist don't just turn up to a scene and immediately start going live. Plus just about every single time they show a "studio" or control room.
>right
The women are more often than not knock outs and cocaine makes the world go round

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>Job
Airforce NCO
>Right:
We do think we're the smartest of the bunch and we do qit on our asses all day.
>Wrong:
75% of the airforce arent pilot and the pilot are not hotheads that do low alt flyby.
Also we do get combat training.

i understood that reference

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Job: Physical therapist assistant

>Right
uhhh
>wrong
uhh

I don't think i've ever seen a pt or pta in a movie. Closest role I can think of are athletic/ personal trainers/coaches in sports movies

>job
Dog trainer
>wrong
You can't apply the knowledge you know about dogs to tame other creatures in the wild and definitely not alien beasts or fucking dinosaurs. I've seen it once or twice in shitty flicks.
>right
No idea, I haven't seen that much about it in movies.

Who is this goddess?

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fuck outta here, Putin

>job
IT crew
>wrong
That we're actually any smarter than the average person
>right
The solution is very often to turn it off and back on again

>Job
Farmer
>Wrong
Thinking we're working like 12 hours a day
>Right
We fucking despise city people.

>We fucking despise city people.
what's that, you don't like it when normal people are disgusted by the rampant incest and wife beating that happens in rural communities?
COPE

Honestly after dealing with tech-illiterate boomers I can see why ITfags are all misanthropic autists

>City "people"
>Normal

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i think there was a whole show about a mexican guy that trained dogs

My ex was a nurse and she fucking cheated on me with a doctor

My job revolves around the automation process of the a certain step in calculating the technical provisions.
They do not trust the result so I showed them that if they used my method the would roughly save 3 days and that if they wanted to they could import to excel and run every step from there.
1 program vs 10 actuaries, 2 correct results and 9 wrong. The second came from the main actuary.

>Work in an office with some 50 employees
>External IT company is called whenever something happens
>I end up being the guy everyone comes to to fix things quickly before the IT people arrive within an hour
>95% of the time the fix is rebooting the computer, rebooting the router, unplugging the mouse or keyboard and plugging it back in
>Company decides that we should have our own internal IT department, and I should run it because I fix everyones problems already
>Fast forward 4 years
>Company has grown to 300 employees
>I run an IT department with zero technical background and have 4 autists underneath me

Boomers can disassemble and reassemble a fucking car, but they can't reboot a router. They're funny that way.

>Job
Arms and general defence dealer.
>Wrong
I am not like Nicholas Cage in Lord of War in the least. I am a fat, soft spoken manlet that's for the most part polite and convivial and generally forgettable, which is how it should be.
>Right
I wine and dine officials and military officers of corrupt countries by taking them to only the best whorehouses and clubs and regularly pass around large quantities of cash literally under the table in a bag all in the effort to sell the military everything from underwear to submarines and everything in between. I regularly have to associate with scary men whose nefarious reputations preceed them and whose nicknames aren't in the least bit ironic and, if I hadn't met them and realised that they too are civil and polite and at the end of the day just want to get on with it so that they can make some dough to blow on the races, I would shit myself on a regular basis.
If I'm not doing this I'm shitposting on /k/ and Yea Forums.
It's a strange life I've slid into.

80k is barely out of poverty.

On the offchance that you aren't larping, do you work for a company or are you doing it by yourself and simply act like a middle man like those faggots in War Dogs?

>Job
Security Guard
>Wrong
I can't carry a weapon or any self defense tool and if I did hurt someone in self defense with a weapon I could go to court
>Right
I deal with wierdos and drunks all the time

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based

management is right tho, you can't not fuck things up

>Job
IT Service Desk
>Wrong
We actually do a lot of work, it's pretty stressful.
>Right
We do have to ask if they have rebooted their PC a lot. And just change your password to something you can easily remember, you dumb cunts. How do you even forget the password you need EVERY fucking DAY???? I swear, 75% of the calls we get are password related.

Based If true

>job
Porn Star
>wrong
Every actor/actress is a junkie, airhead, crackhead, lowlife and/or all of the above
>right
You can schedule private meetups/parties if you have enough $$$

dog whisperer

Have you ever written for porn? Apparently there's some money in that.

>Porn Star
You don't get to put "star" behind porn just because your videos gets 20k views on pornhub.

Less than 2 million views = porn whore
More than 2 million views = porn star

I see it as more of an umbrella term for someone who is in the industry, but I guess you have a point.

I work in my father's company. I've dealt with a lot of faggy middlemen (conmen more like), and have acted as the middleman too for things which we don't produce ourselves, things for which we are not official agents and things which the buyers and sellers want kept relatively discrete.

It's funny because as a kid I used to play around with the weapons catalogs my father would bring home from the office, looking at all the pretty guns and boats and apcs.
I never thought about what exactly it was he actually did lol.
I was about to hit the road to neetdom before I was roped into it because he wants to retire.
It was either that or become a teacher. Fuck that. Kids piss me off.

Not him, but since your question is porn related, the answer is no. There's rarely any special need for a qualified/professional script writer. That being said, some of the camera/logistics crew that works on these productions can also have all kinds of other gigs on their resume, including fucking Disney.
It's not entirely uncommon for your first "professional" gig to be in porn.

>But my guy still ran as a Republican because it was the path of least resistance to being elected, despite being a full blown Democrat

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post one of your vids

As a HS teacher, I agree. When I was doing my course at uni this absolute fucking idiot at a school fucked up the prac placement program I was in, basically left me to fail and at the end I finally went to the uni to tell them what was happening (I was under the impression that they were going to pass me despite the horrible mismanagement of my program until one of the final weeks so didn't say anything until then) and they said they'd deal with it. There was a new principal at the school who quickly realised this guy was incompetent too and she cracked down on him as I was leaving - so that was an external institution that had been partnering with the school, and the leader of that school who wanted him gone. What happened? I found out about a year later that he was still earning the same amount and had been given classes to teach instead of programs to run. He's still there, never got his teaching standards reviewed or anything. The guy couldn't organise me a timetable without overlaps or follow up on anyone's concerns and somehow he's still there.

He's the reason that I believe that people can have actual crippling anxiety, because that place and the stress he created caused it in me and it took me a year to be okay going into classrooms again.

cope harder, nigcel

>Job
Lawyer
>Wrong
Everybody wears tailored suits, the same lawyer handles both criminal and civil cases, as well as anything from mergers to tax, sudden revelations from seemingly unrelated topics that are the key to solving a case
>Right
Completely unreal expectations from clients, which leads to long fucking hours and extreme stress because your fuckstick partner said yes we can do that by tomorrow.

>which leads to long fucking hours and extreme stress
That's what we pay you legal eagles for. If you can't deliver, we'll find someone who can.

I'd rather not be known among my fellow anons. I'm a guy too, so it shouldn't matter to you.

The classic mop and bucket that janitors always have hasn't been used in a long time where I live. We have square-shaped reusable microfibre mops.

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So tell us some stories.

Unless it involves you getting fucked in the ass.

Job
>Data Analyst
Wrong
>"Let me just run the data through the computer"
>*Computer noises*
>Computer spits out the solution on its own within a few seconds
Right
>Hours upon hours of cleaning your shit dataset and then writing boring reports that no one reads

Your favorite screen partner?

how big your benis?

>Job
International art dealer
>Wrong
Almost none of us is a 10/10 chad with a Lambo and a 3k suit and even though we travel the world it doesn't matter because most of the time you'll just be dead tired in your hotel room
Right
>we earn a lot
>we are basically a scam
>half the time we don't even know what we're saying
>most client parties are basically Bacchanalia

Yeah, that's the way it goes but it sure as fuck sucks being on the junior end lol.

>Job
Telecoms
>wrong
>right
I've never seen any movie about my job

I would never do gay porn desu. Money's great, but I just can't force myself to do it.
As for any crazy stories, I haven't really had anything out of the ordinary happen. The most difficult part of the job is more or less staying hard for as long as it's required of you, and we take viagra from time to time to ensure that.
I've also heard of people who inject shit into their junk, but I've never seen it in person. I basically came into the industry at a time where all the rules, regulations and safety was well established.
I'd say Luna Star, she's just insane. Latin women are fucking insane in general.

except Tesla

you fucking cuck, have you no self-respect?

Bepis is 8 inches. You can say it's about average for the industry's standards. There's also smaller guys, but the main reason why it's required that you're reasonably well endowed is for cinematic/angle purposes. There's certain positions that just won't look as good on camera if you have a 4 inch dick.
Outside of that, most women in the industry who I've worked with don't seem to care about size in their personal lives.

How did you get into the industry? Does your family know what you do and if so, how do they feel about it?

I was once applying for a job as a student and one of the girls interviewing me flirted pretty hard with me. Is this manipulative behaviour to get me on board or was she real? Girls don't often initiate on me

good for you user

I always found that scrubs was the only show to get hospitals right.

>Doctors
Good at few specific things with their knowledge then clock off to go home and relax
>Nurses
Underpaid, overworked and wonderful fucking people who deserve all the praise but get almost none.

>How did you get into the industry?
I was lucky enough to know someone who was already in the industry. He suggested I try it out and that's how I got in.
Family knows, yes. My dad didn't really care at all, but my mother wasn't particularly happy with my decision at first. She got over it eventually.
I'd like to answer more questions, but gotta go. Been nice chatting and remember that whatever field you find yourself in, try to give it your all. You're not the only person who benefits from your job.

>job
i sell sex toys and lingerie
>wrong
everybody is a superfreak and has orgies every weekend
>right
customers consider you an easy target to hook up with

>There's certain positions that just won't look as good on camera if you have a 4 inch dick
JAV is proof of this

Whore

>job
Computer forensics - I investigate people’s PCs for the police
>wrong
Police forces are good at their job and understand computing
The police give a fuck about their job
The police allow you access all their database for useful information
>right
Most cops are retarded
Most cops are lazy
Most cops don’t give a fuck if someone’s guilty or innocent, they just want to get rid of the case. I first saw this when I did jury duty, they didn’t even investigate a crime scene during the case, and plucked up a well known local druggy cunt
The police are tech illiterate
The police don’t investigate people’s PCs in-house and hire private companies (me).

there are different types of accountants.
I get paid to audit dairy farms in the tri-state area for an accouting firm. you can help people figure out how to depreciate things in their business. its not just all "make sure the books balance"

i started in payroll and that job made me want to kill myself.

also the pay is great and it is awesome to fuck with the irs when they audit. yes you have to provide them with everything. you can also provide them with everything they dont need. Oh here you go this is 500000 pages of autistic ramblings, somewhere tho is that page you need.

>Some teachers genuinely hate the kids and mock/shit-talk them mercilessly behind their backs.

One thing that's always amused me is how Gabe Kaplan based Arnold Horshack in Welcome Back Kotter on "a kid even the teachers called Arnold Horseshit".

>there are different types of accountants

OP here and can confirm. I havent done bookkeeping at all since uni and whenever I use accounting its for creating DCFs, shareholding flow through and multiples for models I make

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any kinos about not even being able to get a min. wage job?

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>Old Job
Software engineer for a soulless big company
>Wrong
Coworkers including some of the Management are surprisingly decent people who try to cheer each other up through the drudgery of everyday work. Hell, the head of database team operates on Toretto's 'I ain't got coworkers, I got family" mode.
>Right
The sheer level of mishaps caused by MBA grads with ego is staggering. There were times when I wondered how I ended up in a dark comedy sitcom. That and the monotony of the job does really sucks the life out of you.

Vertigo?

is that fucking bernie sanders

what are you doing now?

definitely not a job for you if you got vertigo

Excellent reference. Feel bad for all the dum dums who thought you were serious.

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really? I have vertigo but when I have a security like a harness it just vanishes. I guess it all comes down to how much you trust the structure and safety measures.

Quit job for a startup. Gonna get less pay but should be a lot more interesting than maintaining a system that's barely used by anyone but IT still has to support because management says so.

Any stand out cases?

I work as a tech at an ear suction clinic
>right
people are retards and force wax deep into their ear canal with q tips and children put toys and marbles in their ears
>wrong
i don't have a little surgical pen and sign my initials on the inside of your ear canal and say that i'm 'scraping the wall'

Why do you keep going to work?

So that I have enough money to spend on prostitutes. The good ones are very expensive!

I don't know what you'll lose by posting your on stage name. If anything, you'll be quintessentially /our guy

based

Fuck off J. Castle

Why do you have a hard on for this guy?

>fat, soft spoken manlet that's for the most part polite and convivial and generally forgettable, which is how it should be.
That's an ideal man right there

>I worked in the food industry
>now I work in a laboratory with state of the art equipment
>I’m bitter as fuck about my last job
>my life is awesome

>Job
Air Traffic Controller
>Wrong
Never seen it in a show or movie
>Right
Never seen it in a show or movie

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>Job
Grafter
>Wrong
>Right
Literally no films show my job. Not many focus on farms as it is, and even fewer show the real shit instead of just rows of corn and shit.

I’m a heavy tipper. Thank me for paying your end asshole because the reason wait staff makes less than minimum in many states is the expectation of tip. If we all acted like you the price of the meal your fat ass is inhaling would go up.

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> No air traffic controller movies

I saw one, it's real old about 1999/2000. Think it was called Tin Men? Was the first movie I saw Angelina Jolie in. You might enjoy it?

I know. I've had these sort of conversations so often trying to push through change. You have to understand the mentality of actuaries to get why it happens though; they spend years doing professional exams so that they're legally allowed to look at a number and say "yeah, that looks alright" even if it's wrong and you can prove why. They'd rather be out by 5% on reserves and have potential explanations on why it's out, signed off by two actuaries, than fix the issue completely with a solution created by a non-actuarial team.

>Teachers, nurses, and waiters get their dicks sucked by society way, way too regularly
Yeah, exactly. God if I had a nickel for every movie that’s been made about the heroism of wait staff I’d be Bill gates rich.

Mathew Perry in Scrubs, Airplane with Leslie Nielsen

This summer was pretty fun, apparently the company had a visit from finance inspection. All the actuaries had to go back 5 years and explain what they had done. Some have gone back 2 years and they cannot explain their results or calculations seeing that they rely on the excel which is a abomnination of 15 years of people doing there shit in it,and they have until the end of the year.
Time to abandon ship I think, the company is also pushing to become datadriven into the cloud and what not. The problem is that google saves everything in the cloud on their servers aswell, GDPR is going to fuck them.

Not much. I did see R Kelly's sex tape. The new one.

Dodged that shit with my DD214. TYFYS

And other one appears...

How do I get into this? Got Sec+ and an MA

I interned in B4 audit and I've actually seen some pretty charismatic Chads pacing the office though.

Accounting might be a bore but money starts going up pretty quickly in the Manager positions, and a lot of them stayed in it because they have families to feed. And at some point, you're really just there to go meet a company's CEO/CFO and banter with them.

That said, a lot of jews as well, a lot of bumbling awkward folks, and some pretty unmotivated people.

Yeah, I'd look for a new job if I were you. Those guys sound like hacks -- even the most convoluted of spreadsheet models at my place are fairly well-documented, and we're slowly moving the bulk of it onto data storehouses we can query

I can say that the company I work for is the largest insurance company in my country. Might become a too-big-to-fail story, but seeing that they comply with all the EU laws and produce the necessary reports they will still operate.
But looking more at work where people / corporate might have use of my coding knowledge.

You serious?

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>literal who movies
>movies from 40-50 years ago
You sure showed him

What are some good movies about jobs in IT?
I'm only a trainee and the job is mentally draining but only because I'm a fuckup that takes too long to learn concepts that only autistic 30yo boomers care about.

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This. Literally ANY profession is occupied by regular dudes like you and me, and they like to talk about regular dude shit like you and me too.

Government? Run by regular dudes who probably talk about who said what at last week's barbecues, and what happens in the bedroom with their wives when they're together.

Military dudes? LITERALLY just a bunch of 20 something year old chads and social rejects coming together to talk about strip clubs and how bored they are about not killing people.

Fastfood workers? Literally don't give a fuck about you and talk about all the regulars that come in, because what the fuck else is there to talk about? How proud they are of being able to cook tasty burgers?

>terrible teachers can't get fired
My father was principal of a high school (in France) and this is by far the number one issue.
A few years ago some internal documents from public education got out and 10% of the teacher workforce doesn't work.
I don't mean they are doing a shit job. I mean there are >10% of the payroll that literally doesn't leave the house to work. They are unfirable based on the combo of public worker status + education union mafias.
On top of that you have half the remaining teachers being comically incompetent.

Want to be a highschool teacher to teach history. Is it worth is? I just want kids to think about history on an applicable, real world level, beyond just "history is for fags".

i'm a man baby

>geologist
>wrong
never wear cargo pants
>right
really like to get drunk

kys after setting fire to your client

>job
Personal trainer

>wrong
Trainers know what they're doing- No. Most are shit.
Ripped as fuck gym rats are assholes that make fun of people-
Nope. They're nearly always cool and willing to help out if you ask them.
People pay attention to what others are doing

>right
People do weird shit in the bathrooms and treat it as their personal one.
Some people really fucking stink and seem like they never bathe.

LTG?

first them quads look so yummy

College Professor here
fucked some students (not active in my course)
it was always their idea
fucking young pussy, so good

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>Job
Scientist
>Wrong
Global warming
>Right
Big brain

Anyone else jumped from odd jobs to odd jobs? Why do most people don't know what they're doing?

The Wire got everything right.

>Why do most people don't know what they're doing?
you fake it until you make it, I've quite literally made a career in IT by pretending I knew shit and then googling it after the fact

Sneed?

Sounds fucking boring.

Technically speaking though, any lawyer could in theory take on any case, right? Or do you need to special qualifications to be a criminal lawyer for example?

If you're not larping: how did you get into it?

you do this until you find something that sticks, and make sure every odd job you get has at least something new for you to learn/get acquainted with. if you do some bullshit telemarketing job at a place that is not complete cancer at least you'll know after a month how to do real formal correspondence, instead of the shit your english teacher tought you

History is for fags, mate.

people with no history have no future dipshit

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