Literally and unironically name ONE wrong thing he did

Pour his soul into a tangible magic ring and stretch his existence thin by trying to imprint it on the planet

It's sauron, not the witch king
you're a retarded faggot

that's based

he got mogged by a fucking dog.

he rightly feared an attack from an elven assassin-prostitute biting it off

wrong pic
You fell for bait retard.

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He wanted no such thing

Why cant women be loyal bros
It hurts too much bros

Put the orcs on a diet of maggoty bread

>
3

I was merely pretending to be retarded!

>i was just pretending to be a moron tee hee

Atrocious fashion sense

He popped

vocaroo.com/i/s0wb3XmkvpcZ

The post literally says it's bait you retards.

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His boss got mogged by a spider. Evil dark lords seem to have a weakness to animals.

He's too dumb that 2 hobbits are able to destroy his ring

Elf waifus are loyal.

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>hurr durr evil can never win because I'm sure it will make some retarded mistake lol thats why theyre evil
Lmao okay

It turned out she wasn't actually an assassin

(((Elvish))) propaganda. Sauron promoted new technology and industrialisation, they only prospered because of the magic rings he gifted them

He put his power in it, not his soul. It's a power multiplier not a phylactery

That Spider was the Ccluthu of Tolkien verse tho

Hi Kirill

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>He put his power in it, not his soul.
Explicitly wrong
>It's a power multiplier not a phylactery
It's both

I'd rather live in a comfy little forest or shire like place than some disgusting industrialised smog ridden shithole.

>no man, woman, mtf, ftm, genderqueer, xoy, xirl, voidfluid, vagueflux, subfluid, proxvir, perospike, juxera, gossagender, or genderflora can kill me

He did absolutely nothing wrong.
Reminder that there is a one true God in Lotr, and that he is omnipotent and omniscient. It is all part of his great plan. There is no free will.

one wrong thing he did or one thing he did wrong?

Mordor was always a volcanic wasteland, Sauron had nothing to do with its state. An actual example of a land ruled by Sauron would be the kingdoms of the Easterlings (not shown in the book). In any case, destruction was never Sauron's goal, quite the contrary. He was a smith, after all. His dream was to establish a perfect order in the world and eliminate chaos. This would also diminish the free will, which elves and many others took umbrage with.

Its literally a phylactery, the majority of his soul is destroyed along with it and he is reduced to a shade

There is free will, but he makes sure to pull some ex machina bullshit just before shit gets real.

Tolkien was a Catholic, not a Protestant. He believed in free will and good deeds.

isn't the whole point that elves have their whole story written and thus no free will and are bound to the world; but humans do have it, but are mortal and return to eru after death?

Elves have so much free will that they can even choose to stop being elves.

only the 3 or 4 half-elven in history had this choice, elves are elves.

Nigga he didnt make shit but the rings, that's Melkor's jam

But elves have no free will, they're just annoying puppets

Nothing, literally everything is Eonwe's fault for being too much of a pussy to actually make a decision on his own

Nah, they have free will but are linked to the world, destined to be a part of it forever, whilst humans are more like visitors. Elves enhance the world, like leaves make a tree look better, whilst humans can change the world, like chop the tree down or just fucking ignore it and then fuck off

Being evil?

He didn't even make all the rings either. The Elves didn't trust him from the start and decided to make their own rings. Wise decision in the end, given what he did with the others.

The one ring is low craft...if it was made by the noldor or any other high elves you couldnt destroy it

He did give them the means to make the rings, which is how he can control them and why the elves shit the bed when Sauron put his one ring on because they saw he wasn't Annatar but actually an agent of Morgoth. And technically Morgoth didnt make shit just used his essence to twist elves/men/whatever into his version of Creation

/thread

How about just "No one, or no faggot calling himself No one, can kill me"?

only a few didn't trust him, gil-galad, cirdan, elrond, but still without having any suspicion of who he really was under his disguise. he was welcomed with open arms in other elvish lands, that's how they learned to make rings in the first place.

everything about the elves, from beginning to the end is laid out in the music of the ainur; the fate of men is left open-ended

are you trying to make be think about cock rings?

Why didn't he just make it a nose ring and wear the helmet forever?

Made a ring instead of a fucking chastity belt or reinforce his goddamn gauntlet before trying to molest some stinky king.

Loyal to being raped all the time, maybe.

>pour his malice, his cruelty and his will to dominate all life into a cock cage
>no one wants to put it on
problem solved

some gondorean cuck would love a cock cage of power, and don't tell me there aren't any cucks in gondor

Just like there are no niggers in gondor, there are also no cucks

>He believed in free will and good deeds.
protestants don't?

maybe the easterlings are cucks...gondorians have the blood of numenor that where a white masterace

but middle earth does have different races, occasionally living together and certainly trading with each other; so who would be the cucks?

you think rohan farm girls whisper to each other about BEC(big elven cock)? or is it elven women bored after a thousand years with their beta husbands sneaking off for some sex with rough human chads? don't even get me started on dwarves and hobbits

>elven women bored after a thousand years with their beta husbands sneaking off for some sex with rough human chads
probably this. I certainly don't remember any stories about human women lusting after elves.

>Elrond chose to be an elf so he became one
Was he the first trans-elf in middlearth?

They actually don’t mingle like this at all. They trade and sometimes have a ceremony together but none of them lived together. If a girl knew an elf she would be extraordinary

not winning

why didnt sam and frodo just fly the car to hogwarts?

>Failed to exterminate the elves
this

true, while we've got the likes of arwen and luthien
imagine being a firstborn race created just to be immortal cucks to the second

I got 3 words for you, OP: ORC RAPE GANGS.

Elves are worthless and, get this, in actual Tolkien canon you can't even rape them because they die instantly if you try to get your dick in them non-consensually. I'm not making this up.
The true patrician answer is a hobbit harem.

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>you can't even rape them because they die instantly if you try to get your dick in them
>implying that's a reason to stop the rape

so Amazon's show will be about Sauron dabbing on (((elves))), right?

Sure but then you don't get the pleasure of seeing Eru's chosen broken and humiliated, sobbing as she orgasms on your BBC.

Instead of focusing on building up his forces in Mordor, he delegated to Orthanc.
Saruman split the forces of evil by making infantry halfway across the continent from Mt Doom, antagonised the Rohirrim into fighting and drove them towards Mordor, gifted the Fellowship a Palantir to sow misinformation, and drove the Fellowship into Moria where Gandalf slew one of the last remaining Balrogs and levelled up

Anyone read this book? Is it good or just a meme?

that's exactly what happened to elrond's wife

sorce on this?

Is it like the Black book of Arda where Melkor is an misunderstood dindu?

I'm pretty sure they just tortured her considering the whole dying from rape thing
Or maybe they doused her with aphrodisiacs and made her beg to be fucked so it was consensual, that works too

This. Mordor was a poorly maintained shithole.

She was probably always thirsty for orcish cock and made up the story about rape when elrond found out. Arwen is probably half orc. That would explain the liev tyler casting

What was Sauron's tax policy? Would the Balrogs have enjoyed tax-exempt status?

kek
>yfw Aragorn got ORCED

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>make a thread about anything
>burgers project their mentally ill cuck fetish on it

but why?

no taxes
sauron was a randian capitalist

>midges
>not even loli-looking, they're all broad and stocky
>giant feet covered in coarse black hair and rough like shoes on the sole
yikes, you can keep em

>Beyond the Dawn is one of the five most prominent Russian Tolkien fanfics. (The other four are Ring of Darkness by Nick Perumov, Black Book of Arda by Nataliya Vasilieva, The Last Ringbearer by Kirill Eskov and The Great Game by Nataliya Nekrasova). Since copyright law is rather lax back in the Motherland, this book was commercially published on paper rather than staying a Web Original like so many fanfics.
Why are Russians so obsessed with weird Tolkien retellings? I'm pretty sure the vast majority of Morgoth/Sauron gay pics are made by Russians too.

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Elf rape is a shit meme. And shit fetish for that matter.

Russia is so depressing and shitty that they can relate to Sauron I guess.

t. liberal

It was in one of the History of Middle-Earth books but don't ask me which one. There was an entire section on elf sex.

>the post I made after being exposed as a retard says I was just baiting, so it was bait you guys I swear
got 'em for good user

He lost his vampire waifu.
Well, doggo was also magical bullshit.

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I'm russian and you have no idea how fucking huge tolkien is here

Kek; you got me. My fault for always posting the wrong image.

At least Saruman gave uruk hai picknicks.

underestimated the manlets

What exactly was Sauron's endgame? Take over middle earth and... Then what?

raise taxes

I'm also Russian, but living outside of Russia for a long time, which is why I find this shit both weird and endearing.

he didn't gift them their rings though
also fuck industrialization. I want to live in a hobbit hole in an ethnically homogeneous shire.
shove your progress and your ring of power up your ass

You're right. You can't rape the willing.

Hobbits are pretty fucking technologically and culturally advanced anyway. Their society is completely self-sustaining unlike anything Sauron made.

Kill the elves, make the hobbits and gondor/rohan humans slaves and promote the orcs and nigger men from the east to the ruling class.

He was basically the anti-Hitler

invisibility booster was faulty

To keep creating, inventing and industrializing. Remember that he was a maia of Aule the smith and turned to Morgoth because he wanted free reign to create what he wanted.

are they really? I always assumed they bought all their tech shit from dwarves, because i don't really see hobbits working in iron and coal mines, doing metallurgy and blacksmithing, etc.
as for culture - they don't even have a functional society/government, they're barely above tribal

One of the hobbits "farmer giles of ham" actually had a blunderbuss that he had crafted. The Hobbits could have turned the tide of the war by themselves.

Yeah at least for the first half. I’d like to celeborn or w.e it’s spelled nailed to a banner as the black host marches through elvish lands

elves literally die instantly if someone tries to rape them

>farmer giles of ham
brainlet, farmer giles is not a hobbit and the whole thing is unrelated to lotr/arda

>they don't even have a functional society/government, they're barely above tribal
Nigga they had a democracy. Sam was elected mayor what, 7 times?

not a hobbit.

what were his policies like?

what, you think they had a competitive election campaign and sam had the best policies? he probably just gathered up all the midges and they voted(by raising hands, not like they're gonna have ballots and anonymous voting booths) for the most popular nigga, the one who went on 'da big adventure'

Giles wasn't a hobbit but guns are mentioned several times in The Hobbit. Canonically Hobbit and LOTR are written by Bilbo and Frodo so in order to have written about them, they must have known what firearms were.

He defied Iluvatar.
Many of the early ones didn't and the Catholics stopped paying attention to them when they stopped fighting wars of religion.

Yeah well how's that better than what the stinky horse people and Gondorians were doing?
Also Hobbits had their own militia and police force like any other race.

tolkien used the words 'drums and guns' to describe a noise in the hobbit, that's just a writer using a modern term to be descriptive, there's nothing in tolkien canon to suggest guns are a thing, helms deep is the only instance of something resembling gunpowder even existing.

having armed enforcers doesn't contradict what i said about their society
did they have a codified law, a justice system? been a while since i read lotr, but do they even have currency rather than just barter?

Well Tolkien shouldn't have said that the books were literally written by in-universe characters, then.

They definitely had some kind of justice system considering Lotho Sackville-Baggins reformed many of the laws when he took over and couldn't have done so if there was nothing to begin with.
Lotho also sold pipeweed to Saruman and bought land so they definitely used money.

if you want to get autistic about it, they're translated from dead languages several times over thousands of years and finally by him into english, so he could still use a term to describe a noise for a modern audience that they'd understand.

Magic is a type of technology in middle-earth sense. The comfy Elvish forests were only that way because of the three rings Sauron gave them. That's why when their power died, they fucked off back to the Undying lands.

Fair enough. I accept your autistic explanation much more readily than I'd accept non-autistic ones.

he dindn't made the elvish rings
also we are talking about comfy hobbit shires, no elvish forests
also saying magic=technology in middle earth is a stretch
also start trying to to push this meme and worship Eru Iluvatar

The "sin" of the elves was trying to preserve things beyond their natural lifespan, which accounted for most of the bad shit that happened in The Silmarillion. Tolkien doesn't condone that kind of magic either.

>he dindn't made the elvish rings
He taught the guy who made them how to make them and instructed him all the way. He basically made them. It's like saying Peter Jackson didn't film the movies because he wasn't physically holding the camera the entire time.

>also we are talking about comfy hobbit shires, no elvish forests
Hobbits don't really live in forests. Hobbits are basically just men but short anyway, they live a stone's throw away from non-manlet villages.

>also saying magic=technology in middle earth is a stretch
It's true though. "Magic" in Middle earth sense is basically wise elder knowledge and ability to craft shit.

ok Celebrian you've totally convinced me
now try it on Elrond

How does she wipe her ass?

>Why are Russians so obsessed with weird Tolkien retellings?

They can publish their stuff without giving a shit how some foreign lawyer responds to it is my guess.

When I was a kid in Russia there were these fucking insane Wizard of Oz "sequels" that had shit like LOTR-level epic battles, chemical warfare, battle mechs and spaceflight. I grew up thinking this was the legit Wizard of Oz and was so disappointed to find out how gay the actual American version is.

He extended his hand out with the ring of power on it during a sword fight.

youtube.com/watch?v=0AzBIl5ihi0

In a way that proves absolutely anything can be found on the internet, bruh.

Holy fucking based

You get the idea.

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including proof that people can get really excited by the spectacle of a shitting bat apparently

There are even multiple power metal albums based on these books.
youtube.com/watch?v=w3LKnIITLHc

It's pretty garbage. The prose is fucking awful though that might just be poor translation. But it doesn't even feel like middle-earth, just modern people who share the names of the characters.

Did it all start with "The Wizard of the Emerald City" by Alexander Volkov?

Thanks. I'd be reading it in the original Russian but if it's just edgy "le deconstructed modern fantasy" garbage then I'll give it a skip.
Yes, the first book was just a re-telling of the original that he claimed as his own but he just went more and more insane from there.

I'm following you now. JK Rowling seems to have become quite frantic over the whole business but not even her best efforts could prevent the Tatiana Grotter series being published either.

>Tanya Grotter
I was a bit too old for that kind of stuff when it came out but I wish I'd read it as a kid. Girl Harry Potter sounds better in every way.

>Chuma-del-tort
based russians

>Girl Harry Potter sounds better in every way
this

>Tatiana Grotter series

there's a shit-tonne of Harry Potter books not by JK Rowling where Harry decides he'd rather go to wizard school in another country not easily sued for copyright infringement

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Plebs. The real kino is girl Draco.

Underestimated the strength of man

Considering Harry and Voldemort are qt girls in this I'm tempted to believe Draco would be too.

is it confirmed that sauron will be a woman in the new show?

Hot. Do they have any Sauron/Uruk fanfics as well?

>After the first book, however, the plots diverge from those of the Harry Potter series. For instance, in Tanya Grotter and the Golden Leech, Tanya finds herself pitted against "Hurry Pooper" in the World Dragonball Championship.

it should hve been a choker instead of a ring

Women can't be evil, sweaty :)

good lord I am getting forest fever now

My problem with the last ringbearer were the extremely obvious allegories and the very Russian attitude. "Oh woe is me, the evil western powers just want to keep the eastern peoples down to keep them from achieving their true potential." I don't know if Kiril was serious with that or if he was just poking fun. In any case it was way too blunt and just took me out of it. And it keeps going like that. Like his comparisons of the technological wizardry of Mordor versus the jealous and barbaric westerners. And Aragorn is an ambitious usurper stuck in a loveless political marriage with Arwen. It just isn't done with any sort of tact or consistency with the world that Tolkien created. It might have been more worthwhile if he just ditched middle-earth entirely and used an original setting instead. It might have actually been pretty good then. As it is it's just jarring as hell. Like a shitty crossover fanfic.

I’m tired of seeing those stupid horizontal anime elf ears

hobbits are shit. just small humans with no advantages.

>commercially published
based

I kind of like the idea of Arwen and Aragorn being in a political marriage and Aragorn being a manipulative mastermind but you have to execute it in a particular way for it to work.

>clearly wearing the ring
>clearly visible
wtf i hope someone got shitcanned for that

I don't know, why don't you go look

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Sauron was like a intern that somehow is promoted to CEO. He doent have any ideia what he is doing...melkor was the badass

It's the opposite, Melkor just had crazy fucking ideas and relied on Sauron to implement everything correctly and make sure everything runs fine.

Thats what im telling you, been a whack job or not Melkor was the brains. Sauron was left alone in a broken world...if the Valar had intervened in the war of the ring he would be dead in 2 seconds

Oh shi... I remember those books. They were my favorite series when I was a kid. Yellow Mist is the kinoest of them all because it had a giant witch on a flying carpet and a giant robot-mecha duking it out.
Seven Underground Kings was also pretty cool because it dealt with the subject of overthrowing tyrants and establishing a democratic regime or some such shit.
allegoryjavascript:quote('120207486')

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It took the Valar's intervention to stop Morgoth. It took the intervention of Eru, TWICE, to defeat Sauron.

brainlet

Think this have to do with the scale of power. In morgoth's time there was dragons the size of mountains and flying ships