I never scored a goal when I played soccer as a kid

Shit you la

Same here
I played rugby
But i never did a try
I made the conversions
How naive i was, that i tought i could be the first mexican to play prof rugby in europe
But getting back to when i was in high and middle
What a time

i didnt score all year and my team had a pen in the last game of the season, gave it to the other lad who hadnt scored, keeper saved it and i scored off the rebound, did a full sprinting knee slide. We were winning 6-0 at the time

I had plenty toe pokes and deflections off my arse or nose goml fgt

I scored 5 in one game but it ended something like 45-37 so it didn't feel that important

I once hit a four in a intra school cricket match, and its the only time I ever hit a boundary in a proper match.
Smoking cover drive, no idea where it came from

The highlight of my life is when we were having a match at breaktime and the PE teacher was on the other team (12 year olds) and I saved one of his shots but jumping, turning in the air and deflecting it to safety with my arse. As a fat cunt who always played in goal, it built my reputation as a 'super keeper', don't even care that they were probably taking the piss but I was enjoying playing well and feeling included. 20+ years later and life has never been as good since.

I only scored own goals.

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The first time I got made captain of my team at like under 10/11 level or something, I scored a goal and we won the game. I was invincible that day.

yeah... sure that happened bro

I scored almost every game and scored several hatricks throughout my career. I played in the middle though and I’m of Nigerian descent so that might have something to do with it

I played CB and RB since I was like 7 till I was 16. One game at 13 years old, against the worst team in our league they let me go up front for a bit and I scored a really shitty header. I didn't know how to celebrate. It is the only goal I've ever scored in a competitive game of football. I don't play any more.

I only made pre-pre-assists

>Nigerian
You must have gone to school in Quebec

>Play pickup games as a kid
>goals were just our backpacks/shoes like 3 feet apart
>played until the sun set
>score could be 7-1 but "last goal wins" was always the rule
>hang out with the homies after the game, talking shit

Kino

I've scored a own goal hattrick once

>tfw no individual athletic wins
I had an interview for a job and they asked what the last thing I got first place in, and I damn near had a panic attack in the middle of the room. Would not recommend.

I scored two toe poke bloots over two seasons kek

if you're reading this, matt. i also scored with your sister that night. it was the chaddest ive ever felt in my entire life. now im fat and unmotivated.

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Rugby bro here. Proudest moment was when I finally got picked for my school team after trying to impress the teachers coaching us. I was picked for reserve but really excited about it. Spent all game in my tracksuit on the sideline. We lost something like 40-0. I asked to go on for the last ten minutes and the coach laughed at me, and said reserves were just there to fulfil the rules.

DIII soccer, USA university…

Penalty kick vs team 6 spots less than us. Shoot dead middle thinking keeper is leaping either way…

Keeper doesn’t move, ball off his shins.. I collapse.

WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH PEEVE ON YOUR CHIN SUNSHINE

I wasn't invited to play, even in school in PE classes... Be grateful at leat you played, asshole.

Nobody liked me because I'm so fucking hideous, short and fat.

GTA senpai

The Grand Theft Auto version I've been waiting my whole life for

Brown too btw.

>hideous, short and fat
You mean like every other Mexican that exists?

I played as a keeper.

Once the ball came into the box and I just punted it. I think I couldn't grab it because it was a back pass.

That ball drew a marvelous arc in the sky, all across the field, and ended up in the back of the next. It was a great goal.

I remember a girl watching was super impressed and another guy chimed in and told her "That's a fluke, he's never done that before".

Of course it was a fluke, but man, let me have my moment. Felt bad.

I wasn't fat but they only let me in to fill the spot. White card they called me. Still played alot though. I like footy, even if I know I am terrible at it.

you don't even have teams you sign up for to play outside of school? Not even school teams where you play other schools?

I scored a panenka style benulty and my coach benched me afterwards :(

My dad offered me £40 for my first goal when I was about 12.

I spent it on a box of Space Marine Terminators (to convert into Obliterators) and a Basilisk artillery tank for my Iron Warriors army.

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Kwab. Even I did as a manlet CB.

>be too ugly, short, and fat even for Mexican standards.
My sincerest condolences, bro.

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based

>be an outcast kid but passionate for footy
>school organizes a week-long 6th grade tournament to be played during recess
>be put in the team with the other outcasts and kids whom weren't picked by the other teams
>was a relatively tall kid at that age, play at CB
>naturally become their leader and inspire them to not take shit vs the chads and popular faggots who looked down on us
>lose the first match
>if we lost another we were eliminated
>narrowly win the second match
>win the thrid match of the group stage and start playing really well
>pumped with confidence, win the quarter finals
>tie the semis, goes to penalties
>I score mine
>our keeper saves a couple
>advance to the fucking FINAL
>it's against the team that had guys in the school's football team, comprised of popular kids and proto-chads
>match starts
>tied game, could go either way
>our team fucking scores
>other team is pissed off and starts attacking non stop
>my teammates start getting nervous and tired
>their pressure becomes too much and they equalize
>tense match, neither wants to lose
>final moments of added time
>the other team sends a long ball looking for their pacy forward
>ball bounces past the goal line, before their winger crosses the ball
>me and the defence raise our arms and stop sprinting, since it's a goal kick
>to our shock, ref doesn't blow the whistle
>their striker, unmarked, heads the ball in and ref awards the goal
>furiously surround the faggot ref, screaming and fuming, he sends a couple fo my teammates off
>match restarts and the ref blows the final whistle immediately
>insult the ref and the other team's players as I walk off
>the guy who crossed the ball, which was one of my mates, approaches me and confesses that the ball had gone out indeed and he thought the ref was gonna call it
>go home in dismay and anger, sickened of football... for the day

This happened in 2006, I was 12 and I am still seething about it to this day.

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Nobody scored goals. We were children and the field is enormous and we couldn't even use our hands.

>I had an interview for a job and they asked what the last thing I got first place in
I don't even know how I would answer this. The Pinewood Derby when I was in second grade?

we had the shittiest class of boys in footie in all the school but i carried them to a penalty tournament win with me scoring the final pen.
they listened to what i told them to do and we won.
4th grade, entire school was shook for 2 weeks. still remember how we all huddled together and celebrated our beta uprising.

My high school golf team that I was captain of won our school's basketball tournament against all the other spring sports teams. Most people seemed surprised except for some of the guys on the other teams since they knew that me, my vice captain, and our number 5 guy used to play 3 on 3 ball at the park against the bros on the varsity squad and typically win a decent amount. It felt like an And 1 mixtape video when the entire school lost their shit when I nutmegged a guy on the lacrosse team and swished a pull up J

nigerians are anglos, they go to english canada (i think?)

I should also add that what made it even funnier was that as captain, I mandated that we played our games in our golf attire, except for the shoes, so we were schooling the other squads in our polos and khakis.

>scored once
>I scuffed the shot and it rolled way slower than the keeper was expecting so he dove early and it rolled in
I'm an embarrassment

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>play football soccer and golf in high school
>never touch the field in football and soccer and absolutely terrible at golf (compared to who we were playing)
>still got a full ride scholarship to a shitty d3 school where I was terrible still but college paid for
and that is why my son will learn how to play golf

sounds like you guys surprised some chads in that tournament anyway

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I scored hundreds of tapins and penalties

Based
In rugby
Every player matters

Al Bundy

I scored only 5 goals in all of my life. First one I was 12 years old, playing at school, I stole the ball from the other team and started running, kid next to me was shouting "user PASS THE BALL!!! PASS THE BALL!"
I was looking down at the ball, trying not to trip on it, when his shouts turned to "user, SHOOT! SHOOT!" I looked up, I was less than 10m away from the goal, so I kicked the ball, the goalie was a GIRL, beautiful btw, and she just got out of the way of the ball
I'm a bad BR

I was one of the worst players on my high school team, weak physically and technically, so obviously a full back. yet I was captain because of my "leadership" skills. I remember playing in the final of a school tournament when the opponent toe poked in thru my legs and in the net...
then the next year the we played against the same team in the semis and I cleared the ball off the line but referee said it was in...
i still have nightmares about those games...

When I played hockey I got like 1 or 2 goals a game by cherry-picking desu