The VIP bedroom screen features eleven double beds, each with electronically adjustable headrests

If they could sell women pretending to be your girlfriend and cuddle with you while watching the movie then it would be perfect.

>when the theater escort refuses to hold hands or cuddle on the bed

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I'll snuggle with you user

Only with the popcorn monster if it's up for it.

I don't think that you can buy a ticket if you go alone.

They're contractually obligated to give you at least thirty minutes of cuddling and to either hold your hand and rest their head on your shoulder or rub your inner thigh during sex scenes. You should let Robert know, he'll set that ho straight.

What if I bringy friend Nic?

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Beer and lager = pleb tier
Makes you piss every twenty minutes which leads to an awful hangover
Stick to vodka and thank me later

I love vodka but that shit sneaks up on you. One second you're taking another shot because you don't feel anything, the next your waking up in a puddle of piss and vomit.

No singles policy unless you rent the theater sasquatch

Serves you right for doing shots like a teenager.
If you drink it sensibly, there is nothing to moan about. Next to no hangover, very little fluid loss. I don't know who you've been drinking with, but they're obviously idiots.

You must rent a body-length anime girl pillow for an additional fee

My local kinoplex has suspended seating with anal hooks, sex swings with harnesses holding vibrators which are tuned with the volume of the flick, mummification chambers for fans of total enclosure fetishism, and media enhancement pods with AI waifu controlled fleshlights, popcorn enemas and semen feeding tubes where all the sperm's DNA is implanted with trillions of advertisements

Kafkasque

>My local kinoplex has suspended seating with anal hooks
The joke was over right there
You must be American

I'm gonna kill your entire family

>Go to movie theater
>Ask the man running the ticket booth for two to see whatever is out
>He refuses to speak with me
>Gives me lengthy security clearance sheets to fill out
>Everyone in line is calling me a fucking loser and yells for me to hurry the fuck up
>Finally finish
>He doesn't give me a ticket, he gives me a copy of the lease I just signed to rent the ticket
>I go in
>Concession stands are on other end of theater, numbering system makes sense, there's an artist starving in the corner but nobody is paying attention
>After tons of bullshit I get to my gopher hole
>There's only a small sliver for me to see the screen through
>A sepia film reel begins playing. This isn't the movie I purchased a ticket for.

Not likely

I just don't understand. Just fucking stay home then? What the fuck? The restaurant idea is as far as this should go. What's next, a monthly fee for your own room at the kinoplex?

>double beds
I'm guessing that the singles policy will remain enforced

can I take my niece?

>tfw you'll never have a comfy kino marathon with Yea Forums in your hotel room booth theater

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> He doesn't use piss jugs

This
I'd for sure go to the top one and start fucking

>he doesn't use piss silos

>vodka
>not rum

Serious question though unless they make you sign a disclaimer what's to stop you going in with a blue light proving your being forced to lie in someone else's sperm and suing them?

why would you want to be in a bed with your niece

I feel like this would be higher than rent...

I just want her to be comfortable while watching a film

Fuck

>IM MIT AN ALCOHOLIC YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC!

>Go to movie theatre
>See a pregnant woman drinking red wine

wat do

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hope she doesn't spill, think of the poor janitor!

What If I go to the movies alone?

They stack all the loners on the loner bed in the back.

why are so many people fine with murdering babies but not ok with making them retarded

UwU just thinking about being comfy in the theater double bed
and I'll be cuddling with the user reading this post

> rum
> not brandy

But I still have to leave the movie to take a shit? Pass.

Dead babies don't cost tax money

BASED comfy poster

Presuming I'm a North American, I'd probably play a stupid drinking game and package it later as an edgy, outrageous 32-minute comedy special while reading ads

> He doesn't poop in the popcorn container.

They make it round like a tolite seat for a reason user.

Can I bring my own?

People already get busy in regular movie theatres. They'd probably have to keep the lights dim or something.

I like whiskey. It is nice.

wow you know so much about life user

Don't have to deal with a dead baby, may run into a retard in life though. Always remember convenience is morality.

>implying abortion is murder
>implying even if it is murder than anyone cares

Based uncle

This was exactly my first thought. Probably me.

Evidently more than you do, so good luck with your grey-scarred throat and lack of bladder control.
Have fun with that, you hoarse piece of shit

fun fact: people can get bed bugs from theaters. the bugs will hide in your clothing, normally because the environment is lit. when you are in the theater it is dark and cool and the bug may depart for the seat cushion, and find another host that will ferry it home.

gross dude, imagine taking a blacklight to that after a week

imagine taking one to a normal theater

fair point

Fucking gross desu.

To be fair, Switzerland has a higher quality of human.

>Dr Pavel, you're behind me

I hate watching tv in bed it gives you a killer crick in the neck

Vodka's easy to manage. The only liquor to ever consistently fuck me up is tequila. Don't know what it is about it. I hate the taste and it immediately makes me feel like shit.

>double beds to continue to flex on single theatre goers
>double beds to accommodate the Great America Hambeast

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It's called a couch my dude

Going alone or with your friend is a chad-tier power move, I hope they allow it.

Just go to a rocky horror viewing my man, they'll gladly let a faggot like you in

This actually looks somewhat worthwile trying. OP's pic is just retarded

>wh*te man's theater
could've been in every town

i feel immune to both of these. whiskey will get me though

He's making fun of you for acting like some wise old sage dropping insider knowledge when you're actually just posting tips everyone learns when they start drinking at 16

>Upright is the near-ideal position for long-term human stasis
>Buried/submerged in some clean, dense, solid material up to your jaw, so you can literally relax every muscle in your body, yet stay in proper form, fully-supported, able to just relax and watch
That sounds unironically very comfy.
Acutally, holy shit, you might be on to something:
>Upright positions mean you can fit more people in the theater
>Low vertical profile means you can make more layers of rows with nobody blocking the view of people behind them
>No getting your chair kicked
>No cramped legs from not being able to stretch out
>No breaching personal space or making physical contact with strangers beside you
>No public sexual acts
>No loud open-mouth chewing or phone talking
Wait just thought of some cons:
>Patrons have to be dug back out by staff, one at a time (until some draining method can be conceived, wherein the material falls through a floor grate or something)
>Human waste removal (catheter maybe?)
>Can't eat snacks (crab legs entirely out of the question)
>Eyes completely undefended targets for theater falcons

Now the only question remains:
What to use for this material meant to bury patrons?

Go over and say "excuse me miss don't you know that drinking alcohol when you're pregnant makes your baby retarded?"

user just sounds like he's better at being am alcoholic than you are

You'd feel uncomfortable if you can't move or don't have enough space to move.

>hangover
just drink some water you brainlet

Why are you thinking about this seriously

I watch kino in my room and don't have space for a couch, as a result I watch movies in bed and end up falling asleep every time. I would hate this bed cinema.

I vote for aerogel

"I'll have the single bed please"

Imagine someone will hang their feet over your bed haha it would be so stinky in there haha

Finger and beat the shit out of that whore until she enters labour, then deliver her fucking baby right there in the kinoplex. After that, I'll waterboard the baby with the wine while she watches. When the cops come I'll start shooting. This is why I carry a gun at all times. You never fucking know when you'll find someone who needs a good life lesson.

fucking hell

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>cleanup wagie

Too cozy. Everytime I just sleep over movies. Maybe movies nowaday are just shit.

thats how my local vip theather looks like, very comfy they bring you alcoholic drinks and food right to you too.

This. Haven't had a hangover since I've been doing this.

holy shit user

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>Where were you one some tv user revolutionized the kino viewing experience?

dead baby = no fuss
dead baby = cash money
aborted babies are used to make cosmetics

no one wants to take care of a retard for 80 years

My theater is like this. If you had beds people would just start fucking during every single show. That's an awful business model.

Yeah but post-hangover Pho tastes way better than regular Pho

Reminds me of a fella named Albert Fish. He murdered children, but only mentally retarded and black children.
Do you know why?

Based edgelord

Bed bugs don't only live in beds.

Imagine having to clean off all the spoof juices. Imagine the smell

>implying that would stop anyone willing to fuck in a theatre

Why not just stay home and watch tv at this point?

If you saw someone fucking in this movie theatre and you let them, that's on you at that point

Just use some water resistant, airtight material and vacuum the air around the body. The patron takes their pants off, enters the tub, assumes a comfortable position before being locked in. They can relieve themselves at will and the excrement will be sucked down the vacuum hole

pace back and fourth with my hand on my forehead repeating "aw geeze aw geeze "

CLEAN UP THE CUM WAGIE

I dunno why this made me laugh

the idea of cuddling with another user in a theater bed also made me laugh too i don't know why haha

>go to kinoplex
>come back with head lice

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I love how they do all this "luxury" bullshit when the fundamental flaw is you're still in a pleb public theater with commoners

Real luxury is your own theater

They sell this to the soulless bugs who live in broom-closet apartments, not for people who live in real houses.

does anyone else rent out a bed at their local delux cinema? it's a steal. just got to get out before 8 AM open.

>you let them
nigga I'd be to busy trying to get a better angle

depends on the race

You know you don't have to get blackout drunk every time you drink alcohol.

Do you have female bladder that you need to piss that often? Also if you get hangover after less than 5 beers you are a weakling a should off yourself

Tfw 5'4

What if there's a fire, an earthquake or a fucking psychopath with a sledgehammer?
I think I'll pass.

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>off yourself
Just wait until YOU get old... unless you drink yourself to death at a young age.

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what the fuck

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Nope, attendants will regularly walk the aisles with a water pistol and hose down anyone getting too frisky.

So I should I post CLEAN IT UP WAGIE or make a comment about Marvel capeshitters are subhuman?

I think you may have genuinely ruined theatres for me. I will only use the ones with leather seats from now on.

If I was you I'd post CLEAN IT UP WAGIE

All alcohol that does its job well is worth drinking. Why exclude lager when you could use it to wash down the vodka?

I'd probably fall asleep...

And the hole entrance would be from a room below so you would come to the lower viewing room, climb into your hole and poke up like a mole in the hole

>Makes you piss every twenty minutes
FEM BLADDER SPOTED
Post tits you dirty cunt.

Even ignoring that, imagine how often they have to change the sheets. They'd have to wash that shit well. Plus those pillows. Gross.

I had a nervous breakdown after a roomate said he found bed bug bites. I ended up leaving the apartment and throeing stuff out or putting them sealed in bags in bins in storage. Possibly the worst experience of my life

I don't even sleep on beds in hotels. Imagine laying down on some filthy theatre bed.

What's the problem bro?
youtube.com/watch?v=kvNbsi4aDuk

Yep it's all fun and games until you realize some greasy negroid that hasn't showered in a coon's age left a budding colony of lice, ticks, and God knows what else for you to enjoy.

you watch too much porn

>one ticket to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker please
>just one? oh, we have a very special theater for you, sir

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B&R

I'd love to have that job

I'm in

Imagine the smell

OMG like at the zoo prairie dog exhibit! Imagine watching nature kino that way! I never knew I needed this.

Imagine a mass shooting there

>All targets are held captive, unable to run
>All targets are just rows of heads

Or less FBI please don't take this seriously, what if a fire broke out? It's not safe user.

I love this sentence.

reddit

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I like how there are little stands on each side where you can put your cinema microwave. I don't see any plugs though, what's up with that?

Do they have a no singles policy?

>going to theatres that have blacks or mexicans

id like a seat at that theater. well only if ball pit play is restricted to during trailers and before the movie starts

what a pussy. go shill your girly fruity drinks elsewhere

holy kino

*makes you retarded

Would any of you guys buy me some theater crab legs in exchange for letting you watch me fuck my Japanese wife during the new happy Gilmore movie?

>Get buried
>Itchy nose
Yeah nah

>He doesn't drink exclusively microbrewery material and sip on a 12% bourbon barrel aged imperoal stout with coconut and lactose with a nice craft chocolate

My buddy told me he will never go into a regular theater without a bio hazard suit on, nevermind a bed version. I asked him why and he tells me that his friend lost his wallet 3 years ago and he never found it. 3 years later he gets a call from a movie theater saying they have his wallet. He was confused because he had his wallet then remembered oh shit it must be the old one. When he went down to pick it up they had it wrapped in a bag. When he unraveled it it had a half centimeter of coagulated soda and dustlike film covering the entire face of the wallet. He said it was fucking disgusting.

Just goes to show you how often they clean the place besides a quick popcorn sweep.

conceptualize the aroma

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It smells like piss

Fuck you I just laughed in a busy subway station full of prople

MYA NEE

Why not both?

Would pay the premium if the ushers will tuck me and my hawk in and crab legs are easily accessed from a prone position

>beds in cinema
>not having a screen in a specially designed aquarium so you can float around with your fish pals watching the latest kino
>also having crabs legs at a moments notice
Get on my level you bedcinema plebs

My fucking sides.

Imagine how fun that would be full of Yea Forums posters
>random clapping and meme yelling (this nigga eatin' beans, you aight whiteboy, he cute, etc)
>people making falcon noises
>running around with nerf guys shooting everyone
>fat guy gets stuck in the slide and has to stay there for the whole movie
>whole theatre is trashed at the end, fat slide man has shit in the slide, dozens of people all stand around the ball pit to piss in it, popcorn and oyster shells strewed about everywhere
>whole group chants CLEAN IT UP WAGIE while leaving and laughing

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Every once you hear about how some poor schmuck lost his wallet 40-50 years ago in a movie theater and they only find it when they're tearing apart the theater for a redevelopment. I've never lost my wallet at the local kinoplex, but I know someone who lost like two or three of his. They're probably still there, trapped under layers of dust and spilled soda.

But what if you just buy one ticket for yourself?

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