I find myself empathising more and more with this character as each year passes

Haha

>ITT things that are literally impossible to fathom

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Literally go see an escort or a massage parlor, even at the expense of seeing a hooker it's worth it to break your cherry before it gets too late. Make sure you kinda like the whore too.

you know how i know you're gay? you know steve carell trivia

good luck pal

Somebody kill me I need a job

>Started dancing with girl at club
>friends saw me go with her
>after 10 mins she went away to some other random then left
>I then left and went home
>friends thought we went back together and fucked
>tfw didnt want to tell them the truth as I'd look like a loser so now I have to act like It happened

Damn. My first kiss was a random drama chick literally walking up backstage at a play and making out with me.

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Huh? Just get a job dude the economy is great (or so I've been told).

Normie faggot, my first kiss was at 22 with some drunk as fuck girl at a club

its over pal. its never gonna happen now
t. 33 years old and kissless

It's true. We have the best jobs, believe me. I know about jobs.

>go to see normie friends
>after a while they pull out one of those party card games
>recognise it as it's one of those ones that has question like "when did you get your first gf" or sex questions etc
>have anxiety attack
>make up excuse that I need to leave early
>never meet up with them again

Have you tried leaving your house and talking to women?

I had already fingered girls, had handjobs and blowjobs years before I actually kissed a girl.

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if youre gonna make up excuses why not just make up stories and stay?

>almost 30
I can only hope for some kind of cataclysmic event to end society and my life with it or else I'll have to look forward to dying as a 95 year old kissless virgin

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how come this movie is like grandmas boy but cringe
thats nothing, im 27 and never
>held hands
>hugged
>kissed
>had sex
>texted
>emailed
>called
a girl

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Because those games can last ages and then you have to make sure all the stories dont contradict each other and I'm not great at consistently lying

I don't know how you guys fuck this shit up so badly your entire lives. I was a sperg anime piss-bottles-under-the-desk neet in my teens/twenties and still managed to have sex a few times each year from age 17 onwards

I leave the house daily. On rare ocassions where I do talk to women, I don't know how to talk to them and to show sexual interest without feeling like I'm being rude.
So I stay an eternal acquaintance to everyone

Your onahole doesn't count chang

Yep same here. 25 years old and never had a romantic conversation.

I don't even bother showing interest because the idea that someone might be interested in me in a sexual way seems like a joke to me.

You type that like you're proud of it.

Recounting my sexual history, I have now come to realize that all but one of the girls I've fucked were introduced to me by male friends, which I assume all of you lack completely

imagine being 32 and never even kissing a girl haha wow that guys such a loser haha

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I have male friends but they dont know girls or they have a girlfriend so they of course arent in contact with any other girls

>tfw lost my virginity last year at age 29 and I feel even worse about myself now than I did before

im not ashamed either

>selling all your collectables because a better than average-looking granny told you to

Anyone who doesn't hold him in contempt is wrong.

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That's what Steve Carell did in the movie and he ended up outing himself with his bags of sand comment.

How so?

Lost mine at 20 and the idea that I'd still be as obsessed and anxious about it now as I was then is heartbreaking. My life, whilst still shit, was definitely improved by having had sex at least once.

I was awful at it. I did it only a few times, but it still fucked with my self esteem really badly.

any of you ever tell this to a close friend and then he just stops getting in touch with you and you never hear from him again?

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Good for you. You're approaching the age where your peers will make small talk about their wives and kids, so it'll definitely be an ice breaker when you admit your total disregard for establishing relationships with the opposite sex.

He may have done it for the wrong reason but you shouldn't have meaningless collectables at his age

I was shit at it to, hell I couldn't even cum the first time. Guess that's different strokes for different folks, it was a milestone for me even though it was crap.

No but I made a normie friend circle and most of them have girlfriends and now I've known them for 5 years and they've never seen me with a girl so they likely know but dont say anything

I think I could have worked past it if I'd had just a few more chances so I could at least get the basics, but now it's been 9 months since and it's been festering in my mind and I worry that I won't even be able to do it if I get another chance sometime.

The fat chick I fucked the first time was down for being a couple so I got two years of practise.

Lucky me

I dont even really care about the sex aspect anymore I just hate being alone all the time

God I'd kill for that.

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Thats why we're here throwing little asian manlets to blue cars for you user.

I'm 5 ft 7, skinny as fuck, acne scars all over, unremarkable looks, was socially awkward and an outcast until 9th grade, but I had my first real kiss at 13 and lost my virginity at 15. Me and her were together for 5 years after that.
I genuinely don't know how you guys can't get your lives together. You can be disgusting in basically every way but as long as you're confident and own yourself, and know how to make people laugh, you can find someone special.
What is it about you that makes you seemingly unable to even approach a girl? What does it matter if she turns you down? You've convinced yourselves that girls only go for "chads" but if you've EVER been out on the street and just watched happy couples stroll by, the guy usually just looks ordinary, but the girl is still absolutely crazy about him.
What is the main cause of you being alone?

Tl;dr

Cheers, those threads are funny as fuck

I'm sure you already know but they definitely talk about it behind your back. It's nice they don't say anything to your face though. Good people.

Everyone can make it if they really tried, so why can't you?

34 - no friends no life. Not freak, but not good looking (5’’9 185-90lbs). But I have a job making decent cash (140s) in management at fortune 200 company. I can fake being outgoing and personable at work, but not in private life.

Where does one find these girls to approach? I'm 30 and haven't tried anything like that since high school. Wouldn't even know where or how to start.

>just be yourself

>and if you can make a girl laugh
And right there that is the problem people in this thread have, this isnt easy and so will make things very hard, for example I have confidence to approach girls but it means fuck all when I dont know how to get them engaged in conversation with me

post bank statement

i dont, he has job, his own flat and doesnt look bad, there was no reason for him to be a virgin for so long

>dude just be confident and genuinely funny lmao
fuck off normalfag

Shut up you little pockfaced manlet

Spergs, just be honest.
Literally nobody cares about your virginity unless you show you're really insecure about it.

You have to meet them when they're drunk. Almost every first kiss I scored with a girl was when they were completely shitfaced

those 2 things usually go hand in hand

Bruh don't lie to them. By your 30's people care, it's really disconcerting for them to be associated with a forever virgin.

lie. just completely lie about it or never bring it up. dont ever tell anyone.

I get your pain, but never date a fatty

post a pic of the girl, i guarantee she was an ogre
the way to remain a virgin is to never fuck women in your league ie women who are ugly as fuck, and why would you? who would have sex with someone they're not attracted to? that's how it is for me at least

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Not necessarily. I didn't care about being a virgin, I just lost my virginity at 24 when it had to "happen" and nobody cared. Nobody changed how they thought about me, nobody ever mocked me for being a virgin for so long, nothing.

You people make up your own problems.

kek after a while your friends and associates catch on that they've never seen you with a woman or even flirting with one. Lying only works with people you see once in a blue moon.

no, that just means you're awful at lying

I literally met my first longtime GF on Twitter.
Either you find them at social events for stuff you like, e.g. if you're a nerd go to a comic book store or a con or something, OR you can just find a nice community online of like-minded people.
Or you can try bars or online dating and stuff like that.
There are tons of places to look for a partner but Yea Forums isn't one of them. Bottom line, just do stuff you like to do but among other people, and you'll naturally find people just like you.

As long as you're confident you can be as deprived and disgusting as you'd like. No one cares about that one thing you're insecure about if you just stop caring about it first.

Treat them like normal people and talk with them as you would your friends or acquaintances. If they don't like your company, just fuck off from there and be somewhere else. There are 7.5 billion people on Earth and I can guarantee you that you're not as unique as you think you are.

It works though.

She was a redhead with really thick thighs and a great waist-to-hip ratio. Maybe you'll come to find that girls become even more attractive if you like their personality and stop being so shallow. Sex was great as well.

It means you're awful with women. Normalfags aren't as clueless as you want them to be, most just don't want to hurt your feelings.

>no mention of face
>stop being so shallow.

knew it

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nowadays its super easy to just breeze thought your teens and 20's by playing video games, using internet forums to simulates normal social interactions with other people and jacking off to porn when you are horny, then in your late 20's wake up with 0 experience with real women, at this point its too late

He was living a good and nice life without having to worry about relationships and sex. Don't understand why he'd change, especially at that age.

He's right. I am a virginfag at 26 and people regularly assume I'm a player in conversation. Though that's probably because I learned how to imitate confident body language convincingly.

so you're telling me you are so inadequate at being social that you can't come up with some dull uneventful story about a girlfriend that seems realistic enough? that's just hilarious. people lie about much bigger things than this and get away with it all the time. most people are dumb as fuck.

Same except I'm 26 now

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She looked good, I don't really know what to say. I was attracted to her from the start and I can't judge her "objectively" if that's what you're asking me to do. That's genuinely not how my mind works.
If I absolutely HAD to rate her maybe a 7? I don't compare these things. You probably think I'm bullshitting but we were infatuated with each other and we wanted to marry after uni, but we unfortunately grew apart.
Seriously just found everything about her so attractive.

Thing is though that girls hang out online too. They are there and they don't want to stay kissless. It's probably even easier to find girls online now too compared to the old days when Discord wasn't a thing.

My first kiss was in high school. I had some female kouhai friends whom I greeted with a kiss on the cheek. One time I accidently kissed on of them (the cutest) on the lips. She was caught off guard but didn't mind. Yes, like in my Japanese animes.

you just don't talk about it, once word get out that you don't talk about your sexual encounters it increases your chances with other women

also, I'd say "once I got 70kg I suddenly got more attention from girls, it's like they weight you with their eyes", it makes girls uncomfortable, because they know it's true, it makes other men uncomfortable, because they think it's not

I'm at my best I ever was physically and I get girls look at me with a look that says "sex is on the table, it's not behind a wall, you don't really need to do anything", that never happened before

I don't even have a game anymore, something I had to fucking build, I run around experimenting with shit, telling stories pretending that I'm Hemingway, just a few short sentences (iceberg theory), I'd use other shit I picked up from literature, because it doesn't really matter what I do now, the physique compensates

Get an escort, m8. It’s not that hard.

They try that in the movie. Turns out to be a guy

Movies are not real life, fren. If you’re not an utter fucking mong, you should have no trouble getting a good escort, not getting robbed, scammed, arrested or bait-and-switched. There are review boards for exactly that purpose.

i never understood this, how does one go about perusing this? i am assuming you probably don't even want to discuss it on Yea Forums? It just seems too shady, which is why i wish it were just legal.

>fren

F AR
R IGHT
E THNO
N ATIONALIST

begone racist

Adultwork is the primo outside the US

I'm not a virgin. I'm tell you what's true for others.

I'm 27 and got my first gf and lost my virginity this year.

We're all gonna make it, bros.

Literally me except younger

All going well for you? Where did you meet?
Said the L-word yet?

People you know for years and see fairly often aren't going to assume that anymore.

>24
fucking normie kys

The great thing about finally being in a stable, life long relation is that I can finally watch these kinds of movies without wanting to kms

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Oh I doubt it. I doubt anyone assumes anything actually. And I know plenty of dudes who appear the exact same as me who get laid.

It's all just paranoia it seems like.

Oh, well I broke up with her. Met her on Tinder.

I'm seeing another girl now. 19 year old virgin, we've been together 6 months. And yes, we've said the L-word.

Well, I’m not in the U.S., for one, and yes, it should be illegal, but that said, most major cities have at least one or two very reputable agencies. Google escort reviews (your city). There’s probably a review board. It’s still technically illegal here (Canada), but you just don’t mention sexual services in your emails/texts/on the phone with agencies and you’re fine. You’re paying for the girl’s time. Even if they can prove you had sex, they can’t prove you paid for sex unless you admit it. Most of the agencies here, at least, specifically say in their FAQ sections that they are not a sexual service and that if you ask your companion for sex, she is legally obligated to refuse. They’re doing half the work for you.

It’s really not a hard thing to do. I’ve done it in the U.S. a few times. You just find a good agency, email them (or often they’ll have a booking for on their website), again, don’t mention any sexual services, just “hi, I’d like to book (girl) for (duration) on (date and time)”. Then she shows up at your place at the appointed time and you fugg. Literally all there is to it.

give birth

I'm happy for you still.

Hale Hortler!
Where did you meet her? I have no idea how to socialize but i can talk to people normally at work

thats kinda depressing

I got an escort and while it was nice it proved I can only last a few mins at best which made me realise if I managed to get a gf she'd soon leave me because the sex would be so shit

Same except 28.
Its my own fault though tbqhwyrnmm

Tinder.

Provided you're presentable, Tinder is a god-send to autists such as ourselves. Removes the fear of rejection.

But I got rejected all the time on tinder tho I'm a sperg, when I match with a girl should I open with "beer or wine?" Then when they ask why say what tell them that's the choice for when we go out somewhere or something?

Well that's pathetic.

Learn to use your mouth and your fingers, m8. Most girls can’t cum from sex anyway. If you can make her eyes roll back with your mouth, she won’t give a fuck if you cum after 30 seconds.

This is a flat out lie.

does cold approaching work? assuming you're not megachad

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It does not.

I made a girl cum from eating her out once at least

Comment on one of their pictures or their bio. Make a joke out of it.

Failing that, just say 'hey, how are you?'.

Same, I had chances since primary school, but I'm self esteem is toooooo low

Damn son

please do not kill anyone

Okay I'm shit at jokes but I could try that, I did say "hey how are you" a lot before which made them immediately unmatched me, others even said how boring that is as an opener and then unmatched me too

Depends on what kind of girl

I'm not a virgin, but his life in the beginning of the movie seems so comfy.

>Then when they ask why say what tell them that's the choice

What the fuck

I'm always making people laugh around me and yet none of girls gives a shit about that, because there's always someone more handsome or prettier than me. That's what matters

>others even said how boring that is as an opener and then unmatched me too
It is boring, but if they give you nothing to go on, so be it. If they gave you shit for it I would mock them for having a lazy profile.

>boring opener for a boring profile

Something like that. They'd probably still unmatch you, but at least you didn't take their shit.

People seem to think it’s super hard to do, but it’s really not. You just have to learn to build tension, tease her a bit, don’t just go right at it, ask her what she likes, and once you’ve hit the right spot and you’re doing what she likes (you’ll know) don’t stop. It’s pretty straightforward. If you get really good, she’ll tell her friends, and you’ll be swimming in it.

I peaked as a child.

In retrospect my childhood was pretty rugged and interesting, despite growing up during the early 2000s.

In between rock fights and playing in the woods, I was kissing girls. When I was seven, I obtained my first kiss while collecting spiders. My friends sister kissed me as we collected them. When was 8, I touched a local girl’s fat breasts under a table - she was 17. When I was 11, a 15 year old girl that my friend fancied begged me in front of him to kiss me and date me, but she was discouraged when she learned of my age. What a wonderful time.

I peaked when I was child.

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Good point

porn has lied to you, several minutes is normal if a bit on the lower end; what you do is go for the second round after resting for a few minutes and that's the main course
also sex(with a real girl, not an escort) isn't just about the raw p-i-v thrusting, it's the foreplay and cuddles all around, during and inbetween fucking

if she's got an interesting profile and/or photos say something relevant for a good convo; if it's just hot photos but no substance shoot the 'hello how are you' without caring too much(she's probably just looking for chads)

I have inconsistent refractory period, sometimes I'm ready to go again in a few mins, other times I won't be ready again for a few hours, I'm fucked

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how do you know that if you've only been with an escort once?
when/if you find a girl that you actually like(or, god forbid, love) you'll be rock hard for her
also if that's really an issue, consider ED pills. I tried tadalafil a couple times just as an experiment and it's amazing

I find I have more success with “yo” than I do with something like “hey, how are you doing?”. Seems more casual and Chad-y, I guess.

I'm 27 and have never hugged, kissed, or held hands with a girl. I also have no drivers license and still live with my parents while working at a burger flipping joint.

I lasted 10 seconds
hated my life even more after that

i'm not from an english-speaking country myself, i wasn't suggesting exact wording; just that you shouldn't think hard about a meaningful opener when she's got no personality in her profile

I agree with cavill here it's kind of embarrassing for a middle age woman to be wearing underwear like that.

this was before facebook & the like, but I was a "late bloomer" (started at 21), then 2 years later I had 7 women in 1 year, could have had more, but I fucked up so many opportunities that were sure bets. i was literally the opposite of being a chad in HS, some people just mature/blossom later than others, there's still hope for all your virgins.

congratulations man and appreciate what you have, i fucked up and lost my first relationship and now i've been back in incel mode for 2 years
and i gotta tell you, it's way harder to be alone now than it was before that

Are wizard powers true?

Were they prostitutes?

That made me cringe real hard

I've met plenty of drunk girls, never been even close.

>Treat them like normal people and talk with them as you would your friends or acquaintances.
Don't do this.

I did this gimmick all my life and because of it I never learned how to flirt or show sexual interest towards a girl so every female I ever met or talked to remains as a mere friend and more than often just an acquaintance. It's an absolute meme non advice

>im literally incapable of conceptualizing the fact that other people aren't like me! How could others not be exactly the way I am? How is that possible? I mean i myself change moods and opinions about things frequently but how could someone who isn't even me differ even slightly in their behavior from my preconceived notions of how a person should be at all times based on my own personality traits?

It's that easy.

>like bro I can get a gf why can't you?
>what do you mean girls don't go for ugly socially awkward men unless money or something else is involved?

Black Wind was a good book but not as good as prime Clive Cussler novels.

whered he say that?

awww fuck man, I'm just trying to get through the last 20 mins of work and you hit me with this shit.
This is the biggest reason im scared of leaving my current gf.If I left her I think ill be content being alone and then wake up one day and realize im 40 with no kids and future.

>tfw you're older than every other user who confessed to being a kissless virgin in the thread

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One third of men under 30 haven’t had sex “in the past year” so you aren’t alone. Everyone just lies about it. In the age of tinder you’re aren’t competing with men from your small peer group anymore but the entire region. Average women are content to share a top ranking male rather than date their looksmatch until it’s time to settle down. The gap will only continue to grow as the few remaining holdouts enter the digital dating market.

Easy there brother, the day of Retribution is near.

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Bleak

Wasn't it something like 20% of millenials don't have a single friend? Shits pretty fucked but we're all on this boat together

same, cept 29.7 years old

Millennials are pretty fucked, yeah. The transition to social media left a lot of people behind, mainly average and below men who would normally have in person social circles of similar peers and get lucky once in a while in their youths. There is going to be a glut of millennial women looking to get married as they enter their 30s with delusional expectations who won’t be able to “settle” for their looksmatches. It’s going to be a wild ride. I advise investing in cat food and boxed wine;

whats so bad about it? at the rate I'm going I'll likely turn out a 40-year old kissless virgin my self.

how old? I'm 29 myself going on 40 in december.

opps, meant 30

>mfw there are "men" here who will die without ever even getting a kiss

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1 - get a gym membership and lift weights, don’t worry about anything other than going regularly at first, once it’s your routine find a program and stick with it.
2. Make an online dating profile, not tinder something like match.com Be honest about wanting a girlfriend but being shy.
3.Lower your standards a bit and remember that usually the more attractive someone is the less interesting someone is and therefore the less fun they are to be around.

Don’t fake anything but put yourself out there. It’s worth it I swear.

that's me in 4 years

again, whats so wrong with that? I'm 29 and have never so much as wispered a sweet-nothing into a girls ear.

I'm going to be the 40-year-old incel soon... and this sucks...

Lifting weights is such a meme
I've been lifting for over a decade and look physically better than most people by a bit. Nothing on tinder, match etc
I'm beginning to think you need a big social group in which to be charismatic. Everyone who says getting girls is easy had them just appear in day to day life

I'm about to become a 30 year old virgin myself and am content to be as such. why do you have such a hard time with your celebecy bro?

>this

3 months in the gym and no girl approached me so far. Because other ugly motherfuckers have a better chance than I, recently I went to an arcade and I went up to a cute girl. We hit it off, but she told me she had a bf... the motherfucker was a fat ugly fuck... I was astonished by how they both ended up together. After all, this time losing weight... some fat fuck has a better chance than I! FUCK THIS GAY EARTH!

You sound like you're 17

it's one girl bro, your health is more important than some random girl you met at an arcade, what he said

All I am saying is that I'm shocked that this cute girl is with a hideous ham beast. I moved on.

this works btw. just treat women like shit and they crawl to your fit. oh having your own place and car helps too.

maybe she grew up on a block with no options, so it was him and maybe this fat fucker got to dip his tool in the pool and she's just with him because they have a history. don't let it get to you

My first kiss was like 11. I’ve kissed plenty of girls but I’m still a virgin lol

This year I’m seeing more 30-40 yo men applying for work at my retail job.
I hope I don’t end up like them when I’m 30. Most of them have that depressed look.

>mfw im prolly better looking than you
oh and have better taste in movies

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>Most girls can’t cum from sex anyway
I think this is bullshit, uou just have to put in the effort.

youtu.be/4PIi1LWkfDE

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what retail place?

These threads used to really get me. But then I met someone (at thirty-six). You will too. It's never too late

How did you get her to stay despite her experience giving her expectations in both dating and sex that you couldn't even know about

Divorced. Last time I was single for this long was 15 years ago. I realize that most women in my age bracket are cheating or thinking of cheating on their husbands. I'm confident about everything in my life except approaching new women. At the same time, their general behavior patterns turn me off.

I'm at the point where I'd rather just get a dog, immerse myself in hobbies, and find some new friends where I live. Once I've gotten back into peak shape, I'll just fuck whichever chubby sluts hit on me and next them.

I was an autistic virgin and met a girl at 23, i didnt know at the time but she had fucked 20-30 guys. She stayed with me for 7 years, i was the first to give her an orgasm.

My ex-wife also claimed I was the first to make her cum. I called bullshit on that for the entire time we were together. She was also a habitual liar and a cunt, so I'm sure she was bullshitting me just like yours bullshitted you, friend.

I just did my best. Lots of eye contact, used my hands to the best of my ability. Tongue too. Told her I really liked her.

And this is important; listened to her and cared about what she told me. If a girl likes you, she’ll hang around while you get better. I’m much better now then when we started. (I also tried really hard to not be defensive and evasive.)