Film about Seattle's real-life superhero 'Phoenix Jones'

Faith without works is dead

>tfw the sequel is in Chicago
>tfw there is no 3rd movie because he dies in the first 30 min

Did this guy actually stop crime? Would he be arrested for vigilantism?

Kek

So he's literally the dark phoenix?

Yes and yes

What game is this?

Yes and no.

He's been on trial before and because he went through the right steps legally he has not been arrested.

pretty sad desu

Phoenix Jones is retired and if you comb through his different social media accounts you can tell he just wanted an excuse to fight people. He posts about wishing he could have saved the President at least once, or saved the city by punching someone. He means well and he's done an excellent job of introducing the concept of superheroes as performance art but most of his presence is based on photoshoots and publicity stunts as a "real life superhero."

I'd rather see a movie about The Eye. He has a private investigators license and designs his own gadgets, and he puts in work establishing neighborhood watch groups and the Puzzler's League -- mystery solvers for hire.

Seattle's Phantom Lady is also pretty rad.

what are these steps?

Wouldn't be just like Kick Ass?

Is that Vincent Ambrosio wearing a mask?

Tried to stop a "drunk driver" by beating him up and taking his keys but it turned out the guy wasn't drunk.

During his court hearing he asked the judge if he could leave his mask on to protect his secret identity, there were cameras in the courtroom. His mask was makeshift, a shirt he had torn some eye holes in while in his jail cell. The judge said no so Phoenix Jones tried to do an impromptu dramatic unmasking moment while standing there but had trouble taking it off smoothly due to his handcuffs.

Minecraft

Kek is there a video of this

How long before someone decides to be a super villain and makes a snuff film with one of these heroes?

If you're a patrol superhero, sure. A lot of that is walking around hoping people start stabbing and shooting people so you can jump in the way of bullets and knives in your super awesome costume.

If you want to be a legit superhero who solves mysteries you can just check missing people reports and sometimes track them down by looking at their social media accounts, finding their friends, and looking at who those friends are talking with for leads about where the missing person went. Most of the time it's a dead end but every once in a while you can find a runaway while sitting on your couch in your undies with a cup of coffee and a laptop.

Will Phoenix Jones come out of retirement if a supervillain starts picking off the old Rain City Superhero Squad one by one?

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The first thing anyone thinks of when they hear about real life superheroes is the villains. There's a guy called Velvet Rex who larps as a villain but he's actually using his clout to discuss police brutality and government corruption with the comment, "These henchmen need a better leader."
Real villains are too busy being shitty to suit up and engage with the heroes like it's WrestleMania

This would actually probably be a big hit and win awards

I've never played minecraft so I can't tell if you're joking. I thought it was just blocks.

>Real villains are too busy being president

fix'd

They're all retired or semi-retired. Without blowing anyone's scene it seems like there was a lot of infighting and two of them were dating and when that relationship ended, brutally and publicly, everyone took a step back and asked how effective they really were at being superheroes.

They ain't even the best in the game.

Have you ever been to Seattle? The supervillain is the average person in Seattle

I bet money his favorite show is dragon Ball z

Sounds like you have a crime fighting background, what's your backstory?

youtu.be/lVLvAOsX95M?t=376
>*record scratch*

The fate of all white boys who try to act tough when they off the internet

I've been small timing it for the last five years finding runaways and stuff but I'm working on going legit with a private investigators license. I also found an older superhero who's been mentoring me for the last couple months. The photoshoots are always cringe and cheapen the entire superhero culture when people are posing in their shitty costumes. I want to make a difference not cosplay so I'm in the process of finding the best way to do that.

>The Virgin Phoenix Jones
>The Chad Angle-grinder Man

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>not casting Phoenix Jones as Phoenix Jones

Dilate.

>Superhero

what's his power, super autism?

Wow, you must have taken down some heavy hitters. Any villains we might have heard of?

How has he not been shot/stabbed yet?

What age did you discover you had superpowers, and what are they? (I realize they might seem small compared to how the movies portray them)

This as the starting monologue would be kino.

There already was. Kick-ass but even more "grounded".

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Washington state is a fight-at-will state, meaning if you piss somebody off and they verbally agree to fight you, the cops won't break it up or arrest anyone.
Sounds like I'm making this up but it's true. Makes for some awesome Street Fighter style showdowns

What city you based in? Anyone ever not want to be found? What's your biggest hinderance when it comes to your investigations? What do you do about people with no social media presence?

>gets cucked into revealing his identity
Lol
youtube.com/watch?v=3LSs7pKn_s4

I took down Jeffrey Epstein by posing as a 14 yr old girl and letting him bang me for several years

I like how they made time to stop for Starbucks while patrolling

youtube.com/watch?v=J9PCcx7i4xQ

Ever heard of The Hamburglar?

Now sit down and let the big boys work, civilian

It's uncanny.

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Wow that's awesome, so none of that retarded "nah you hit me first bro" back and forth crap.

Surprised that we don't have a real-life punisher or red hood.

When I was little, my dad and 2 uncles helped me realize I could swallow hot dogs whole. As an adult, I'm up to 12 dogs in 3 minutes

>The Incel minoriteam

Wow that was you? Do a lotta people bother you for autographs while you are out patrolling?

I don't like getting into fights and never understood that part of it. Phoenix Jones has a background as a professional fighter so it kind of skews his whole purpose when his legacy is violence. Phoenix Jones is a good guy but he embraces his capability to hurt people, which shouldn't really be a hero's purpose. I fucked up a lot when I was starting out, you look for other ways to solve problems than violence after a while.

Yeah I've thrown a few fish back. The first guy I found, his mom was telling the cops he was mentally ill and dangerous. Turns out he was never diagnosed with anything, never even had a run in with the law, and she was just a helicopter mom obsessed with micromanaging his life. He was super chill and was just hanging out at a friend's because he needed to get away from her. He ended up calling her to let her know he was alive and okay, to stop telling the cops he's insane.

Like I said I'm super small time. If it isn't in my local area I don't like fucking with it because then people wonder who this internet stranger was nosing around. Social media is just one part of it, you can learn a lot by just talking to people.

>real life was supposed to be like comic books!

what a retard

Pretty sure there was a guy that went around chopping dicks off of pedophiles for a minute there but I could be making it up or buying into an urban legend

if you were him, would you want to show your face in public?

Has Trek influenced your desire to do good? It's hard to imagine you fighting someone considering you're such a skinny twink. I'm honestly flabbergasted that you do this shit but I believe you for some reason.

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So what, you just check some local missing persons registry, and start doing internet digging and making phone calls? How do these conversations with people go? "Hey I'm an internet superhero and user's mom hired me to find him, seen him around?"

>implying minorities can be incels

kind of hard when white women literally throw themselves at non whites, leaving white men woman-less

What's your power?

Not as often as you might think. Apparently Hamburglar was beloved by generations of obese americans so I get a lot of middle fingers thrown my way.

I don't do this job for the glory though

t. The Eye

Be realistic dude, if you were a woman and could have a 13 inch BBC or a 6 inch white micro, which would you choose? Unless you are rich there's literally no reason for a woman to choose you over a hung black dude.

There's a youtube video where a guy challenges Phoenix Jones in front of a cop and he agrees so the police stand aside and Phoenix wrecks the dude with leg kicks. It's hilarious.

Underrated

Phoenix Dark, Christened Dirksteel

wasn't expecting feels

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>Velvet Rex
Rex Velvet, he was funny when he first showed up although it sounds lie he took a... s*y route. They're based in Seattle though, what else to expect.

What is a typical night like for you?

Wasn't this basically Ozymandias's motivation in Watchmen?

This dude has a successful MMA career and wore his fucking mask when he won.

If the mariachi guy smashes guitars on bad guy's heads, that would actually be kino.