ITT: Post a bad review of a film, and other people guess what film it is.
hard mode: no character or actor names in the review
>"I'm not sure this movie deserves a 1, but it in no way deserves an 8.6 where it's at now. My wife and I were so disappointed. I cant believe so many people liked it that much. Almost makes us question trusting reviews any longer. Was poor acting, slow moving, only a couple decent drive scenes and I don't ever want to spoil an ending for anyone, but we even questioned that !! If you're thinking Transporter and hoping to see Jason step up to the plate and kick some ass...don't. The actor in this one is so slow to speak, and sometimes move...we found ourselves going...OK...time for next....frame....word.... movement. Just left us in a somber mood."
ITT: Post a bad review of a film, and other people guess what film it is
drive?
>”Absolutely unwatchable. Tried it twice, figuring one attempt wasn't sufficient. I am not offended by vulgar language, but when it is such a major portion of the dialogue, it had better be with good reason and to great effect. Neither is the case, here. These characters are the types of people that normal people with lives pass by numerous times a day without taking any notice. There is a reason for that. Folks like that are uninspiring, dull, and generally useless to the world they inhabit. Centering a movie script on them is going to make you a dolt or a genius, depending how sycophantic your fan base is. It seems too many people checked their good judgment at the door - not only giving this movie a free pass, but pumping up the votes to the extent that this turd rates in the Top 250. Whoa geez. Again, I say, "Absolutely unwatchable."
>(actor) should stop ExPeRiMeNtIng with bad movie scripts. What WAS he thinking? This is a movie that should not have passed the "hey, I've got an idea, let's make a sequel" stage of inception. If there was a ZERO rating, I'd give it, but I guess I'll settle for a generous 1. It seems these days that if there is a buck to be made, movie execs will dig up an old hit and run it by a set of writers and see what turns up. (Hey, I said "hit and run"! Kinda describes how I felt when this movie ended!) How THIS piece of trash ever saw the light of day is beyond me. It is filled with unpleasant humor, strange animation and jokes that don't quite take you anywhere besides a state of confusion. If you are being dragged to this movie, and someone is paying for you....fine.... but its still going to be more painful than a brick in the forehead. However, if you're planning on paying your own hard-earned money, search out a better alternative.
>Oh, I get it, it's fun because the bad things happen to the bad people.
>You know what would be even more fun, maybe a film where a group of school teachers, garlic enthusiasts, and mothers of Chicago gang victims rounded up the perpetrators of all the mass shootings and gleefully murdered them?
>Seriously though, fuck everything about this. He's like the Trump of cinema--everyone else goes down, but we continue to give this guy a platform to spit venom. I'm not saying we should ban his films, I'm saying we should start ignoring them--because they're not going to look any better than John Wayne killing "red savages" in 20 years. Print that, you fucking misogynist sicko.
sounds like it's a coen bros movie?
Ghostbusters?
MiB?
correct. I guess that one was obvious
dragged across concrete?
>I've seen some offbeat movies in my time, but this one tops the list. If there was an academy award for "Most Weird" movie, this one would definitely receive it. Hard to say if it was funny, sad, scary, or downright disgusting. I am left simply feeling, "Uh. What the $%@ did I just watch?"
>A glib facsimile.
>This movie actively tries to anger the viewer and tries to justify that this is okay because of some deeper meta reasoning that the creator surely hopes people will look into and try to understand why this mess is an art experience rather than a garbage movie.
>Don't fall for any of the nonsense, there's nothing good to experience in this film, and you will likely need to skip over multiple scenes of nothing just to progress the plot. Any enjoyment one could feel from its viewing is surely pretentious happiness felt from thinking they're part of an in-crowd elite, which liking this movie doesn't prove at all
>How the fuck can any of you fucking stuck up film weebs like a 'movie' like this. Did yall drink some ass juice from the red hair? This shit was boring but at least christian got to smash.
Funny Gaems
>dragged across concrete?
once upon a time in hollywood
late tarantiro, could really be any of them
TMNT?
also late tarantino i assume
freddy got fingerblasted
0/5
NO NO NOONONONONON JUMPSCARES BAD I HATE JMPSCARES NO NO NO NOONONONO HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME REDDIT THE STUPID BAD JUMPSCARE RUINED BY BONE CHILLING SLOW BURN HORROR ATMOSPHERIC KINO NOOOOOOOOONONONO SUCH CHEAP INFANTILE SPECIAL EFFECTS I WANT MY SOI LATTER NOW!!
>freddy got fingerblasted
good guess but no. came out in 2016
>What some call a fun two hours of robberies and car chases turns out to be unnecessarily complex and mashed together set pieces set to what the director thinks is a niche playlist
Something Korine
The entire history of film
Something Malick
Nice, which one though?
Baby Driver
Baby Driver
Different guy but I'd guess Fargo or The Big Lebowski, leaning more towards The Big Lebowski
Correct, with a photo finish
The Mechanic
>The unprecedented rise, temporary fall, and immediate return to the top of a dropout computer programmer
Rubber
Lebowski is correct
>having spent the last fifteen years or so spitting out mediocre movies with an exception or two, are rolling in a significant amount of cash. Along with the island-sized money piles they already had from the comic book industry, they're more than capable of throwing however much money they need to make a film look great. Not only that, but ***THEY PAY PEOPLE TO GIVE THESE FILMS GOOD REVIEWS ON WEBSITES FOR PEOPLE TO BE FOOLED INTO WATCHING***. This is one of these.
>However, its aesthetics do not speak of its actual quality. If you don't have much patience for movies but don't mind noises and colors bashing your face for two hours, this is a movie for you. As for the rest of us, don't waste your two hours. The characters are bland, the comedy is mildly funny but at the wrong times, there's a blasphemous amount of bad acting (Apart from actor), and the plot is disjointed and lumpy and full of holes. The accompanying nostalgia based soundtrack is intended to be charming but comes off as the worst and ugliest pandering I could ever think to put in a movie. Doing things that have been done before isn't a bad thing, but the whole movie acted like this was a brand new concept. I felt like I was watching a Scary Movie # version of Thor the Dark World. Every inappropriately timed one liner made me want to vomit, as did Steve Brule's retarded face. Pass over the good reviews, these are people paid to review the movie positively. Try a different one.
>This movie is not a vampire movie. It's a movie about human behavior, religious hypocrisy, animal behavior, social issues, and difficult choices. I don't feel it will translate well to today's expectations. This is one of my favorite movies.
"0/10 - too many boats, no women"
>Unfolding like the world’s longest and least convincing deepfake, this soulless chimera of a film comes off as little more than a glorified tech demo from a greedy conglomerate — a well-rendered but creatively bankrupt self-portrait of a movie studio eating its own tail. In other words, it’s more of the same from a company that’s been all too happy to scavenge new spectacles from the carcasses of its most beloved classics. This isn’t an echo, it’s a stain. A zombified digital clone of the studio’s first original feature. A gobsmackingly misguided idea executed without even an iota of imagination. It’s the equivalent of Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho.”
Force Awakens
Here's a bad review of the same movie:
>This is reverse racism of the worst kind, a film where all the white people are the bad guys and the black people are the good guys. How come racially-biased films like this are "politically correct" even though they reek of prejudice? All the white people are killed, too. Does make things better? Does that help race relations?
>Add to that bigotry and very boring love story between (actor) and (actress) and you have a film that was very disappointing. (actor) is a funny guy and someone whose films I usually enjoy....but this was ridiculous. This was a movie that didn't really know what it wanted to be: comedy, romance or horror. A good mixture would have acceptable but none of the categories were represented well here.
>As other people point out, this started off strong but quickly lost itself and was a mess from that point. Where was the direction of this film? This was a real low in (actor)'s career, which did plummet until recently. The once-box office star seems to have made a comeback, almost like rising from the dead. In that case, maybe NOW he should have played the vampire!
Mandy
Ready Player One
Either Lion King or Aladdin.
>Mandy
Newp
Only lovers left alive?
Without googling Steve Brule I'm guessing Captain Marvel
lion king
>A once beloved anti hero by die hard fans has been turned into an action star in the latest cash grab from this media conglomerate. The humor is beyond juvenile, the action is hard to follow, and hard to swallow. Overly violent for no good reason. Effects are poor, and the direction is poorer. The hero's predilection towards chimichangas is in stark contrast to me losing my lunch at this waste of two hours.
Guardians Of The Galaxy, or anything Marvel, I don't know
Get Out
Blade?
GotG is correct
Nope
*smacks lips* so uhm... this some kinda suicide squad or sumethin?
Real human being
Hateful Eight.
The top one could maybe be Inglorious Bastards
Lion King
Dedpull
Wwhat is it?
The first 10 minutes are like Undertaker entrance in wrestlemania ... They start as something iconic, they go to "okay, can you just go, please ?!", bored and even just weird ... The rest of the 40 minutes I saw?????????? Wooooowwww, you have no idea .... They were alike xD
The slowest film I've ever "seen" in my life ... I literally "jumped" to the end and it's as if the first 10 minutes had been enough. I do not understand, 3 hours of a movie like this should be masochism ... And the sound is great too, if you turn the volume on 0.
Mother
Nope.
>Wwhat is it?
I guess nobody's going to get it. Vampire in Brooklyn with Eddie Murphy.
>Not exactly sure if wanted to make a movie or just wanted to blow things up and destroy everything that stood in front of him. Dull, vile, nasty, loud, dumb, violent, sexist, racist, misogynistic, and homophobic, is one of the worst buddy cop movies ever made. Everyone who got involved in this film should be ashamed of themselves.
>I can't do it. I can't pretend to be one of those film intelligentsia who talk about the genius of ______, and all the deep meaning behind it's work. In my opinion, ______ is artsy-fartsy nonsense. For one thing it moves at a pace that will rival paint drying. It's as if the film is just daring you to fall asleep (which I did 3 times before I ever made it through this thing.) And let's be clear, it's not as if the images that it asks you to stare at for long periods of time are beautiful either. There is promise of interesting things that could potentially happen in the story, like life-threating danger and magical wish granting, but they never come into fruition. Instead people talk and occasionally walk. I'm willing to accept when a film makes me think, but first the movie has to engage me enough to make me want to spend time thinking about it. ______ does the opposite, it tries to disengage you. As if being silent and stil somehow makes incoherent babbling that comes in the midst of that silence deeper and more meaningful. It took multiple attempts and several breaks in between, but I managed to watch every moment of ______, and now I'm simply left wondering why I bothered. I 'll never understand why films like this are praised as masterpieces.
> A very uncomfortable watch that triggered a lot of negative and oppressive emotions in me. It made me feel constricted, like I couldn't breathe. Less than halfway through I started crying, out of fear and a sense of overwhelming hopelessness. I had to stop watching before I had a panic attack. Watching this film gave me the same feeling as being in the company of (people that I know for a fact where) muderers and rapists, except since I was at home on my own, I didn't have to constrain my reaction in order to remain safe. It really messed me up for a good while after shutting the film off. I sat in darkness and silence for hours. I think I'm mostly writing this down to remind myself why I should never watch this film again...
> incels are a disease to society.
hard mode is rewriting the review to be unsearchable
Bad boys?
Tarkovsky?
Midsommar?
>Midsommar
no
bump
jaws