Star Wars Rise of Skywalker

Checked

This sounds like shit found in a bad video game adaptation.

>This movie is a joke?
yes, but the joke is on the goyim who will pay to watch the film

Prequels?

Fag

I can't believe we get this shit instead of a complex time travel plot

You'll get the half assed time travel at the end to resolve the unresolvable situation they wrote themselves into.

Imagine if you will a spinoff story about Calo Nord from KOTOR, where his parents are killed when he was but a youngling, decades later, after his career as a bounty hunter, he hears of an ancient Jedi temple that had a time portal, he returns back in time only to discover... HE was the killer all along. *roll credits*

Circumstances in his travel back in time lead to his future self killing his parents.

>they LITERALLY jump from their TIE Fighters to continue the fight
Reminds me of some old first person shooter where a guy ejected from his fighter, fired a rocket launcher at the fighter destroying a=it, and then his fighter circled back around and he took the pilot seat again.

Well you'd need some explanation for where this entirely new fleet of Sith Troopers and ships came from.

They popped out of a mystery box.

>2 movies talking about how the Sith and the Jedi don't exist any more.
>NOW THE SITH FLEET HAS RETURNED AFTER BEING HIDDEN FOR 30 YEARS...

>they LITERALLY jump from their TIE Fighters to continue the fight
Do they scream "BANZAI!!!!!" too?

How did they pay all those troopers' salaries for 30 years? And wouldn't they be old men by now?

>How did they pay all those troopers' salaries for 30 years? And wouldn't they be old men by now?
And women too. What have they been doing all this time, playing videogames?

No the mystery box will lead the person to them. So basically we got the plot of TFA again. Everyone is after the thing that will give them the means to find the other thing. Except this time it's the good guys trying to prevent he bad guys from getting it. What I'm wondering is why does the FO need them in the first place? I mean TLJ had the entire galaxy just folding over to the FO and the resistance reduced to like 20 people on one ship. Guess JJ will retcon something in to push the FO to the brink and force them to find this "lost legion" of super duper troopers. This is one train wreck of a trilogy. I gotta say.

Man

I have ONE storm trooper and I’d like to buy those accessories just on their own so he can have a little arsenal. Is this what barbies were like?

>Calo Nord
they need to chill with these fucking names lmao

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ahhh yes I too enjoy the intellectual perspectives of mike stoklasa, how did you know?

Time passes differently near black holes because the gravity is more intense.

Even the stromtrooper itself looks feminized

Man these fuckers are fucking hardcore

So JJ was making Star Wars threads on Yea Forums to fish for plot ideas and then he picked the most silly ones.

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No, JJ is a just hack writer in general and only knows how to direct action scenes. Also keep in the mind the idiot who wrote BvS and Justice League is also writing for this movie. This movie was doomed from the beginning.

>the idiot who wrote BvS and Justice League
The only guys whose name is tarnishedenough to accept being associated with this doomed film

Yes but much faster

Jumptroops are nothing new though, whats wrong with George’s vision?

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Kek

Those didnt eject from flying ships though. The Sith Jumptroopers are described to jump like a rocket from their ships.

>where do you come from my son?
>don't know, over there
*ckecks compass*
>ah, your name shall be Calo Nord

>Star Destroyers are equipped with Death Star Lasers now

Jesus fuck, I'm tired of superweapons.

Oh good because space magic now we have soldiers fighting a war using technology that is 30 years out of date.

Reminder that’s like putting modern US armour versus a Sherman tank

user, their te h will look more advanced than F. O. ONES

>Those Nerf Guns
Gets me every time

If they weren't coloured to match the armour and made solid black, they'd look real and something mass produced for a large army as opposed to look like something you'd sell to kids as a matching set. This goes for the FO Troopers as well with their white trimmed weaponry. Seems like a huge expense for an army limited by what they could afford.

i mean...this shit has happened like 5 times in the EU before. but it was always at the beginning of a comic or whatever, not the end. it's utter laziness to introduce an entirely new enemy faction in the last fucking movie

>pilot ejects from war machine with air superiority in order to become a less useful foot soldier
CREEEEEEEEED

This ship is the TIE Shark.

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It's just a fucking interceptor.

>were losing forces fast!
>what, how? It's just 15 of them on one ship!
>scanners picked up high concentrations of women and minorities!
>dear science...
>*explodes*

Kylo is confirmed to pilot it

Joke went over your heads like she went over that TIE.

>that helmet
How original.

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Fuck is F.O. Troopers?

It looks completely different to me.

NO, these are Palpatine's troops

Is the person doing all the stormtrooper designs the only one giving a shit?

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probably some intern who made some cool designs that will get modified to look more basic before getting finalized

>Kylo gets this device from an alien that looks like a spider with an infant’s face

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a fuck, the leak about Kylo meeting God was true after all

don't mind me, just the two best Disney-wars trooper designs coming through

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Meanwhile, the CHADquels..

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Shit trooper?

>rogue one of is the peak of Disney Wars
Sad, rogue one isn't even that great either but at least it felt like a star war's movie.

Already proven fake yesterday. You can we the desert reflection in the saber from the trailer still it was taken from.
Its still stupid and desperate enough to be plausible though.

TIE shart

What was it even supposed to be? Mordor?

i cant think of a single scenario where it would be advantageous to have a pilot in the cockpit dressed in full combat armor, carrying a rifle, and then eject from his TIE at high speeds just to engage a target on the ground when he already has the advantage of being in the air with a bigger fucking gun

Sharks are a thing in the galaxy far, far away? These people are creatively bankrupt.

If they're all Somethingtrooper what are these guys?
Magnetbootandfurforwalkingoncoldspacetraintrooper?

presumably they are ejecting into battles on the ground, which means they are flying a tie fighter in atmospheric conditions, not a space fight. Can you imagine how un-aerodynamic a TIE fighter is? One crosswind hitting the Ion panels would throw it off balance.

Thicctrooper

The advantage is toy sales, and looking COOL in the movie to sell toys.

ONE

There's also no reason to have walking tanks of any kind when repulsor engines exist.

You are objectively an inbred faggot if you fangirl over a midget jobber from a mediocre cRPG

Who was the guy who designed the prequel ships and why don't they hire him again?

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All are conotically high ranking, well-trained, incredibly disciplined for their roles

also die like canon fodder because lel. i really fucking hate that shit. they go from empire's finest to whiteshield guardsman the moment a main character is on screen

cheaper and uses less fuel

Death troopers are the best new design imo
Honestly I kinda like the Sith Troopers, it's just that the red color looks silly but otherwise they're like a better version of the FO troopers

Doug Chiang and he still works there
The droid federation stuff he stole from various animes
It only works if you have Lucas there with an idea in his head like
>Give me a vietnam helicopter but IN SPACE
then he stamps 9 of your 10 ideas with no

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When was fuel ever a thing in the Star Wars universe?
Ohhh oh

He and Lucas make a great team. I’m sure working under Kathleen and Igar must be creative hell.

That wasn't an old game.

Hmm, was jumping even necessary? The wings/sails/whatever you'd call them literally prevent the ball-cockpit bit from touching the ground. It's heading at you at great speed, so the chances of a sudden movement striking you are slim, you could just wait for it to come near, sidestep any protrusions you need to, and do whatever lightsaber cutting you're planning to do

Probably to save gas in the tie fighters, since is so scarce these days.

To avoid mines and hijacking

What happens to the TIE after ejecting? Does it keep flying and fighting like a droid or is it left to just crash? That sounds fucking wasteful

A side story based on them surviving in the unknown regions sounds like a decent premise for a movie. Much more than what we are sure to receive in RoS.

I laughed way harder than I should have

Yes, but it wouldn't look as cool for the trailer.

Doug Chiang gave a lecture sort of thing at the last "Celebration" and it became clear he's actually the reason why there's so much goofy looking shit in the prequels, like his design ethos practically slowly became "the goofier the better"

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ran out of ideas huh

I remember when he said he was trhrilled when he thought he was going to make McQuarrie style stuff but George told him the prequels will be completely different and that depressed him