Trying to enjoy a kino

>being outwitted by a fly.

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IN THE BURNING HEART YOU MUST THINK OF THE FIREEEEEEEEEE

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>roll up some paper
>wait for beezlbub to land
>??
>fly is pwned, no more fly

They will fly towards a light source. Make the room completely dark except for a light in a closet or another room. They insect will fly toward the light. Kill it or trap the fly in the other room/closet.

Get a box of rubber bands. Wear them on your wrist when flies are around. When they land and stay still, load a rubber band and ping that cunt.

It took some practise, but now I get them first time every time. It's about waiting for the right moment.

how did flys get smarter all of a sudden
>hit one
>think its dead, lying down
>try to hit it again
>flies off

thats no fly, thats a tiny government spybot checking up on you.

Well you little bitch just get the phone and call your man to come and do it, you faggot. Don't forget to cry and scream a lot so he knows it's serious

Viral marketing for The Fly reboot.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

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just never open your doors or windows

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>when they sit on the roof upside down and wash their face while also scratching their ass

fucking show off

while op is complaining about the fly its fuckin his gf right now

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Louis Pasteur proved that flies do not spontaneously generate in 1862.

they reproduce so fast that i think they're learning/adapting. they have become very fucking agile flyers. they know to use dark colors to make you lose sight.

Then how the fuck did it get in my room retard?

You were impregnated by a fly while sleeping. Expect more

>what is Evolution
based Christard

I spared a fly's life two days ago. I'd left a glas of wine in the garden and when I came back there was a fly in it. I smoked a cigarette and let it be. When I went back over an hour later this lil' nigga was still struggling. So I thought to myself 'fuck it' if it wants to survive that badly...
I tossed the wine on the tiles. I was quite curious on whether it would be drunk or not. After all, it had been swimming in wine for quite some time. I was disappointed to see the fly did not display any drunken behavior.

BASED

THE CHAD FLY THE VIRGIN OP

they fly's superior intellect has outwitted you yet again.

>falling for the science jew

>flies are literally the Tyranid
jesus fuck. Op, I'm sorry, but you need to torch your house now before its too late.

>Louis Pasteur proved that flies do not spontaneously generate in 1862.
Francesco Reddi proved it in 1668.

GB2 REDDI

just buy one of these. swatters make use of the fly's natural blindspots to bypass its motion sensors.

forgot pic

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idk user, $750 seems like a lot of money. What am I really getting here?

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I just open the window. Mine has a window screen. The fly will usually fly to it thinking it will get out. I just close it as soon as it's there and let it die a slow death

Of course OP must light it, right?

>random flies
just accept it

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I haven't seen a fly in years
It's all ants and roaches for me

Fuck, where do you live?
That's a miracle. Some part of the world very very cold I can imagine.

A bat or a bird got stuck in the chimney to my wood burning stove and died there. After a while I suppose it started to decompose and attract a certain kind of fly, not house flies. Anyway, the flies found their way out of my attic 5-10 at a time and I had to repeatedly slaughter waves of them until I guess they finished eating the thing and moved on. I used a spray bottle to knock them out of the air. Pretty frustrating.

>find random spray bottle of cleaning chemicals
>wait til it lands somewhere
>spray the fuck out of it until it can't fly
>keep spraying and make it suffer
>let it drown in chemicals

Check your windows, cluster flies look like house flies but spawn by the dozens and will literally just fucking appear out of nowhere on your windows.

Texas

your move, op

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why does anyone even use flyswatters and risk breaking your lamp n shit when the infinitely more easy and accurate chemical warfare option exists. Basef Monsanto

This thread made me read up the spontaneous generation of living organisms theory.
Thank you based anons

WTFF I'M GETTING ANNOYED BY THIS NIGGER FLY RIGHT NOW AAAAAAA

You retard these things are like 2 dollaroos

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IVE SEEN AN INFOMERCIAL FOR A SALT GUN THAT LOOKS BASED AS FUCK

LIKE A SHOTGUN TO FLIES

BUT THEN U GET SALT EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK

Get yourself a BoomCo MA5B assault rifle. It's what I use instead of a flyswatter now. It's full auto and I've yet to meet a flying insect that can survive a burst from it.

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Mate honestly, it's so fucking cool if you have 2 of them electric zappers. You can swat at the fly like some dual wielding larper and you get to carry the body away, as well

Use something whip-like, a towel or something, the whip crack is a sonic boom. A fly can't move faster than the speed of sound.

Either that or just grab it when it lands.

>Open blinds
>Wait
>SMACK
Problem solved
Never mind, Yea Forums anons don't have windows

>BUT THEN U GET SALT EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK
i needed more sodium in my diet anyway

There's a large street lamp right next to my bedroom window and sometimes when I accidentally leave my window open all kinds of demonic insects invade my room and my apartment.

Instead of killing them one by one I just take my vacuum cleaner and suck every single one of them up, throw the vacuum bag thingy away and that's it.

You see where the fly seems to be hovering? Dont aim for the fly aim 2 inches above it with your hand and just grab. They way they react to someone trying to hit it is to fly up.

Unironically shoot it with a blank.
It's enough to bun their hair and kill them. Mosquitoes too.

get some of this crap , spray it in the direction of the fly when its flying around. In a few minutes the fly will fall to the ground buzzing but unable to fly , it will take it about 30 agonizing minutes to finally die or you can just stomp on it.

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Turn your A/C down really low. Flies move more slowly in the cold, they get sluggish and easy to kill.

>Turn your A/C down really low
BUT DONT U MEAN TURN UR A/C UP REALLY HIGH

LIKE MAXIMUM COOLING

I SHALL HAVE TO PONDER THIS LINGUISTIC DILEMMA

>Fly gets stuck in my room, can't find the open part of the window
>Put a bucket over it and try to guide it towards the opening
>Accidentally decapitate it

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you must stalk your prey
wait until it rests
then strike with the necessary speed
t. had flies in my room every day until we cleaned out the gutters

>wake up in the morning
>dead spider next to my bed

th-thanks whoever killed the spider

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no problem bud anytime

>lay in bed
>see spider the size of a golf ball walking on my blanket
>think this is a dream, I'm dreaming
>ignore it
>it steps on my face
Was not a dream

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>Wake up to a quiet squeaking sound
>Open my eyes a bit
>Mouse right in front of my face
>Bolt upright
>Mouse nowhere to be seen
I still don't know if that was a dream or not.

literally based

spider genocide when?

I'm usually bros with spiders, though

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>laying down in bed, getting ready to sleep
>Get this sudden sense to open my eyes
>night light is still on
>See a fucking CENTIPEDE crawling towards me, inches away
>Nearly shit myself doing a 180 Olympic acrobat flip and landing on my feet
>Come back with a bag and shoe to kill it
>IT'S FUCKING GONE
I slept on my couch that day. Fucking hell that thing was genuinely huge. I wonder if I'll see it again.

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Spiders are fucking bros you retard. They keep all the other insects out of your home.

>finally kill the fly
>break $800 monitor on the process

>sucks your blood
>spreads AIDS
>flies in you face
Dipterans are chads yeeting on mammalcels.

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This right here. That's why I never leave my apartment.

You need patience to catch a fly, if you are persistent you will succeed. I kill flies daily with hand or the electric swatter(or with my feet if there is an opportunity). The flies at my home are unfortunately not as fat and lazy as the flies I see at other places.

>It will literally eat your gf's shit
How can vertebrates even compete?

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Hitting while it is flying, ridiculous when it lands slowly lower your hand to the target, when the distance is small enough it can't out speed you anymore

It sprays salt? If so, is there much cleaning up to do after?

take a dump in the corner of your room and then wait

>be me
>have assassin bugs in my place
>assbugger hovering about in middle of living room
>grab my high carbon steel, full tang, fully functional Sting repro
>cut that fucker in half in midair

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Do you really want to gas where you sleep?

If anything we need a mosquito genocide

Virginity status: protected

>Try to sleep
>close eye
>see a red flash?
I'm about to get epilepsy

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buy this
youtube.com/watch?v=EesfhOGt9Kk

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Fun fact: dipterans show the highest grade of cephalisation of almost all insects, second only to wasps, bees etc.

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I'll bet I could fuck you up with that bastard sword on the left

>fly in kitchen
>refuses to be shepherded out the wide ooen window
>enough is enough
>it lands on the bin
>smack it with the oven gloves
>hit the fly but also hit some baking soda on a nearby shelf
>baking soda all over the fucking floor
>fly wins, even in death

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Those with multiple rows of strands are not very aerodynamic and unwieldy(definitely with the outer structure going inwards to make a symbol)
The best ones have a single row of strands going horizontally.(instead of diamond shapes)

No, it sprays small 4" plastic darts. You pump it up like a super soaker, load the dart clip into the side, and fire away. Clip feeds through the body like the Bastard from Metro blasting darts at a ridiculously high rate of fire.

BRUNO
GIVE ME THE ARROW
I'LL EAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR ZOMBIFIED ASSHOLE FOR ETERNITY
JUST GIVE ME THE ARROW
I AM THE ONE WHO DESERVES IT
BRUNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

go back to facebook you fucking unoriginal pile of shit

It was just the first pic I found. Just to get the point across

suck on my dick you fucking faggot

How fucking retarted you have to be that you cant kill a fly with swatter or a rolled magazine? Or is this sime burgerland problem, is it somehow a new thing to have flies there?

House centipede is your friend. You'll never see him again and he constantly eats bugs. Forget about him.

Good advice I'll try that. Flies have ultra instinct so I think you're on the right track of having to anticipate their movements rather than using speed.

Pause the movie and kill you dumb fuck

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they are disgusting. Nothing with more than 4 limbs should be allowed to exist

those buzzing bastards need to go too

Any spray will do to suffocate them. Like a spray deodorant. Or furniture cleaner. When they are stunned you can keep spraying and choke them out or crush them. Flys are the Jew of the insect world and should be destroy-d

Not a single bastard sword in that line up. The two big ones are long swords. Also I bet you can't. Literally, and I do mean literally, undefeated.

Unironically wish that were true. Life was so much more simple before I took the pussypill. That said though, every woman I've ever brought home has loved finger fucking my swords and guns. One even wanted me to fuck her with the pommel. Told that bitch no, it'll rust. So I lit her pussy up with my lightsaber instead.

*in the process

i'll cup one of my hands and then slowly move in so then when he tries to fly away he runs into my swatting hand.

I use this kino device to do the work for me

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>tfw when four cans of insecticide around the house so I don't ever have to stand up to blast them.

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Spiders
>kill mosquitoes
>kill flies
>kill fleas
>kill other bugs
>kill other spiders maintaining a low population
>will keep to themselves unless you go out of your way to be a dick(even australian ones)

Spiders are /our/ guys

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memorize their attack patterns

They also kill drunk shitposting australians every year.

Very based indeed.

ty

>So I lit her pussy up with my lightsaber instead.
Imagine the type of person who types something like this

loving this reddit thread

this
I always keep one or two spider alive in my bedroom

Imagine the type of person who doesn't fuck thots with a lightsaber.

Holy shit spiders are actually based. Imagine how much worse this site would be spiderbros weren't culling the shitposting Aussie menace

So that's why indians do it

Unironically the best thread on Yea Forums right now.

>that dream where a bee is buzzing closer and closer and then lands on your neck no matter what you try to do to avoid this and then you wake up

I ate a fly once by accident. It flew into my mouth as I was riding my bike. It was the most bitter thing I ever had tasted. You can't explain it to people who've never eaten a fly, just like you can't explain to a virgin what it's like to have sex. If you haven't experienced it, you don't know what it is. A fly might very well be the worst tasting shit on earth.

But I've eaten a fly and it tasted just a little bit unpleasant. I picked up my tea and saw there was a cookie chip floating in it, which I thought must have came off my cookie I dipped in, but it tasted weird and crunched softly. Then I realized I didn't have any cookies and hadn't dipped any in my tea so it had to be a fly.

Scope this shit nerds.

As another user said they always take off straight up. Wait for the fly to land, hold your hands parallel to each other 2-4 inches above it. Then clap your hands together as fast as you can. The fly will sense the movement, shoot straight up between your closing hands and get fucked. Kills them instantly if done right, if not usually cripples them and they are easily disposed of.

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I swallowed a dead fly on a boat once. I would have vomited had that little mummified fucker not absorbed every ounce of moisture in my throat.

git gud

I lives in one apartment for two years and never killed a single spider. I'd break the webs down if I needed to and put the artisans safely on the porch. Most mosquito free summers I've had, and eventually I got a house centipede bro who moved in and I'd greet him as he scurried across the floor when I'd get home late from work.

Hairspray can be used to take down flies in a pinch

Glassed this cunt of a horsefly today, biggest one I've ever seen, body the size of my first finger digit. He would have taken a chunk of flesh outa me the size of a cheerio.

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LMAO HORSEFLYS ARE ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKERS

LITERALLY BITE AND CHEW YOUR FUCKING FLESH OFF
RATHER GET SHOT WITH A SMALL CALIBER BULLET

MOSQUITOS AND THEIR DAINTY NEEDLENOSE PRICKS ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO A BITE FROM THESE CUNTS

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Holy fuck I thought I was the only one

>the entirety of this post

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Yes, yes, because ONLY CHRISTIANS disbelieve/are ignorant of evolution.

Fucking imbecile, you do realize that the majority of Christians actually don't have issue with science and it's mainly GO ISRAEL evangelicals that AREN'T the majority of Christians that are stout creationists, right?

Turn low the temperature:turn higher the fan speed

try harder

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what I'm tryna say is....
c'mon now

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IN FACT YOU GET COLDER SPOT TEMPERATURE TURNING DOWN THE FAN SPEED, BUT ONLY IN THE AREA NEAR THE VENT

ITS ALL RATHER COMPLICATED

based

>in a room full of people, flies always target you
What does it mean? I shower everyday.

>have cat
>cat loves to eat pig kidney
>summer comes and theres flies in the house
>these fuckers leave their eggs on the cats food overnight
>have to clean it up
its disgusting. One time I let the eggs hatch out of curiosity but the maggots then died for some reason

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Fill a pump spray bottle with some rubbing alcohol. When the fucker lands, spray the shit out of it and it will quickly become disoriented. Keep spraying it until its wings are soaked and stick to its body. It will then take a few final steps, and keel over from alcohol poisoning. The alcohol will then evaporate, leaving no mess to clean up except the now disinfected carcass.

they think you're cute :3

It's a blow fly. You likely have some decaying trash in or around your shit heap. That's what they eat. Clean your space.

It will also be quickly stunned if you spray it in mid flight. It will land, and make an easy target for the soaking.

surely thats some kind of war crime?

Fruit flies are worse.

I used to have an indian roommate, he was honestly a cool guy but the two summers I lived with he would leave banana peels and other shit out in his room for days. It would attract fruit flies that basically spread to the entire house by mid-summer.

I miss the guy though sometimes, he was rightwing, hated muslims, American leftists, and was always down to say "yes" to plans whether it was lets go out and grab a coffee or go out to the bars.