I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself

>Once I was in bed with my wife, and my friend knocked at the front door. My wife made me hide in the cupboard while she answered the door.

Was that supposed to make me laugh or give me a boner?

I tell ya I just got married, okay
Me and my wife, people say we have so much in common
But I dont like to suck dick

I'm losing to a rug

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>HEY EVERYBODY, WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID!

why did rodney lie to us bros?

>So what? So let's dance!

for you

Don't get me started on kinoplexes. Last time I was there, Robert gave me a specific seat. I asked him why, he said that the guy in my back forgot his bulletproof vest.

So what was tthis guy's problem?

Why was he talkin' so fast and sweatin' like a motherfucker all the time?

Was he on cocain or did he have hyperthyrodism (overactive thyroid)?

Lemme tell ya I get no respect. Some guy the other day said my wife looks like she fucks black guys. I said: looks like?

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man, i tell ya, no respect, not even from my wife
we only smoke after we have sex..
i still got the same pack from 1975
meanwhile my wife is up to 3 packs a day, man no respect

Didn't Groucho have the same style? Rapidly firing oneliners?

youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo

Rappin' Rodney

Jej

He's suffering from a lack of regard. not to mention esteem.

That little necktie adjustment thing he did with his hand always made me chuckle

My wife doesn't like to smoke after sex. She says one drag is enough.

I came home from work one day and saw a guy jogging, naked. I asked him how come. He said "because you came home early"

He was a New York jew

I tell ya, I hardy had any respect. I met Matthew Broderick once. He drove right past me and said I was a waste of car damage.

lel

Why was Rodney Dangerfield on Mars?

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Boy I was an ugly child. When i was a kid i worked at a pet store. The customers would look at me and say "how big does he get?"

he did do alot of cocain, but it was also part of his act to act like that

I want a remake of Gravity with Dangerfield in the Sandra Bullock role.

I tell you I go to the pharmacy, they got no Sucrets, no Sucrets.

This video blew my mind. Rodney doing a routine for President Reagan and not a single reference to politics. Forgot comedians could do that.

youtube.com/watch?v=tQw0vZwn9C4

And he could've done the triple lindy dive when coming back down to Earth.

Hickory dickory dock
some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block
Ohhhhhhh

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my wife i tell ya, i ask her to leave me breath less, she says ok, she left me on mars, i get no respect, no respect at all

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is this the birth of Dangerfield posting? I can get behind this new meme

>a comedian not talking about politics blew my mind
that says more about you than anything

>be young kid
>record Rover Dangerfield on VHS
>later put in VHS I think is movie
>is actually one of my Dad's porns
>first time seeing porn
>blonde, big tit bimbo with an open green jacket and a black choker
>freaks me out at the time
>jack off to the memory of it a few years later

Dangerfield is pretty based.

I tell ya, I get no respect. A guy attempted rape on me the other day, I said "You better stop or my boyfriend will kill you." He said, "You're a homosexual too?"

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If it goes ok I'll be out in 3 days; if not, I'll be out in 20 minutes!

it's not new though, we used to have pretty big threads with people immitating all sorts of comedians styles, but that requires a tiny bit of creativity that doesn't really exist in current year Yea Forums, everything has to be capeshit or pol tier racebait.

kek

are you kidding i know im ugly, just the other day i was being raped, untill he saw my face, now i have to pay for his therapy, he dosnt think he'll ever rape again, how else am i supposed to get laid, no respect

Kek

FOR YOU

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I get no respect, I fly out to space and my wife is already cruising for martian dick.

kek

he was a tire salesman from the midwest

How does British humor compare to American humor?

youtube.com/watch?v=FBig5p0yBNE

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i tell ya, its hard to keep a marrige going, me an my wife we were stuck on a satalite, i told her we could be here for a while, i turn around shes alredy free falling

me and my wife we've gained a few pounds, i said we should do some running, the next day i get a call, shes moved to Europe, she said she prefers long distance, i get no respect

I love sex. I tell ya, my wife is a screamer, especially when I walk in on her

why is there a pretty woman announcing the skit, and why is she introduced with importance?

>jewish swine
spike milligan was a treasure

Only Americans (and Canadians) are good at stand up.

youtube.com/watch?v=L7K-kaelQEs

I find this guy hilarious but I dunno why he is such a big deal and such an influence on loads of modern comedians
Was he just the first one to do proepr self-deprecating humor, with his entire stage persona built around it?

>take my wife
>please
>no seriously
>take her, i hate the bitch
>ahahahahaha

Nah, he was just the most fast-paced and concise.

Rodney never turned it off. Most stand up comedians write their stuff, perform it, then live normal lives. Rodney came from the same vein as Don Rickles, where they were their persona both on stage and off.

It takes a tremendous personality to manage that constant level of humor.

romance is hard right fellas, my wife used to love being fucked and sucked, now im lucky if i can feed and seed

youtube.com/watch?v=1C8nl8eBoq0

Timing, lightning fast on his feet. A transcript doesn’t do him justice.

Oh I know, I've seen some videos
>lightning fast on his feet
Surely that doesn't matter for stand-up where all jokes are rehearsed beforehand? It makes him hilarious in interviews, of course

I was so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my muddah! No respect I tell ya!

>I tell ya, I had a hard life. When I was a kid I got evicted from Auschwitz for being too ugly to gas! They turned my parents into lampshades but they told me I was free to go because I would ruin the home decor!
I get no respect.

i always wonder if he or chevy chase did more blow on caddyshack

it also meant his style
just constant jokes, compared to the general build a joke up approach many commedians use

Fair enough

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oh im ugly, i know im ugly, when i was 3 i was told i have a face only my mother could love, shes blind. i get no respect i tell yo no respect at all

How does Grover know what the word establishment means, but doesn't understand 'in'?

sorry to hear about your mom user :/ is she getting through life okay?

The thing about Rodney is that he got no respect.

>So I'm bulldozing this Palestinian house, and this kid is wailing and crying and then he looks up at me and suddenly a big smile shows on his face.
>I say, "what the hell are you smiling for, I just shot your parents and destroyed your home!"
>He says, "yeah and I was real sad until I saw your face and realized there's always somebody who's got it worse!"
I get no respect at all!

i told my wife we should start giving each other gifts, ya know keep the romance going, she gave me HIV, i asked the doctor if he was sure, he said He was positive, i said to both of them, have a good night

lifes hard ya'know i got a kid now, he has trouble sleeping he thinks theres a monster under the bed, i had a look it was a mirror.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There must be.'

No respect

huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/04/03/helen-flanagan-hotel-evacuated-reflection-murderer_n_3005183.html

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

its not all bad though, i got three kids, but we dont have much in common they like water melon, basket ball and making a mess, but hey my wife always said she liked the Bull in the china shop

lol

>we used to have pretty big threads with people immitating all sorts of comedians styles,
I remember that being big thing back in 2011 and pretty much every board had those kinda threads at one point.

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i tried acting you know, yeah, i auditioned for the Elephant man, they told me i was too ugly, can you belive that, i get no respect

I mean i was reeeeal ugly, when i was born, the doctor slapped my mother

I'm alrigth now, but last week's been rough.
A guy climbed through my bedroom window while i was sleeping. I woke up and yelled "Rape", he yelled "NOOOOO"

Boy, I tell ya, I get no respect. I got gassed in the Holocaust four separate times. But Yea Forums says it never happened.

good crowd good crowd, y'know when i was a kid my mother would take me to the circus, the crowd loved me.

>seeing a Rodney Dangerfield thread on Yea Forums

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boy i tell you my wife is fat, she was in auschwitz they used all the gas on her, atleast now we can eat, when hitler came to count the bodys he took one look at her and wrote down 6 million

he just forgot to write 'pounds'

i was in the holocasut y'knew, yeah one night trapped in a room with my wife woooh did she gas!

>boomer """""humor"""""
Not even once.

kids these days, my son listens to these rap songs 'i got a stiffy uh", wait till your older kid you'll need a litle blue pill just to listen to that song, i've have so many even MY balls have turned blue, Good thing there in your mothers Trophy cabinet.

So I go on this Internet forum to discuss with heavily autistic kids as a Make-a Wish. Believe you me one spaz says I’m not funny. I tracked him down and strangled him. No respect

Get "easy money".. joe pesci, jennifer jason lee... "back to school", rob downey jr, sam kinnison also in it. He is psycho. Actually gave guys like kinnison, and jim carrey their start

Did you see how Oliver Stone tried to fuck his whole image up like Stiller tried to do with Jim in Cable guy.

This guy is absolutely hilarious, makes everyone laugh, and everyone generally loves him. Why does he always look so uncomfortable though?

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he was a performer not some slacker who thinks just jawing on a mic while slouching around makes you a comic

he gets no respect how can he be careful

my favorite Rodney joke:
>I used to date ths girl.
>One time she calls me up, she says "Come over, no one's home."
>So I went over - there was no one home!

also lots of talk show appearances where he was funny off the cuff

Kino

I tell ya I get no respect even in places for people who got none for themselves. I went to Chuck's Fuck & Suck the other day to get with a girl. I picked the ugliest broad there, handed her $200 for a blowjob and she handed me back the 200 bucks and says "I'll pay you $200 to stay away from me". I get no respect. When I tell her I thought they did anything for dough at Chuck's she tells me, "Oh, that’s just superstition!”

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