You find yourself trapped in an elevator in LA with Natalie Portman and Brie Larson...

Ask them to spit in my mouth.

lol

>condoms
Why?

>luckily all three of you used the bathroom before getting on the elevator
That’s pretty unlucky, drinking each other’s urine during a survival situation is really the closest I can get to justifying a pee party irl

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ignore them. This situation could only lead to trouble.

fucking loled

but realistically just shoot the shit with them until they annoyed me

ideal scenario until you got to the “all 3 of you have already used the washroom”

do i have a copy of the first volume of akira with me? if i do, i’d probably sit down and read it for a while

Confess my undying love to Brie and have sex with her. Then afterwards tell Natalie I liked her in Star Wars

Well of course, you don't have to be autistic about it, just selfish.

>imagine confined in a small place with too women for 24 hours enduring their endless whining and meaningless conversation.
kill them both and rape their bodies.

Look at my phone and pretend I’m so engrossed by it that my surroundings are nonexistent

"Two goy and a jew get stuck in an elevator..."

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release the farts that i had been holding in all day

take off all my clothes, throw them in a pile in the middle of the elevator, and say "fold 'em, bitch".

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You might as well rape them desu, because the charges will be similar.

fuck and suck

Watch blazing saddles without earphones

>immediately take shirt off and then start undoing my shoes
>welcome to the party, pals
>w-w-what are you doing user?
>I'm just a fly in the ointment, Herschlag. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.
>give them my water bottle and climb up through the top of the elevator, white wife-beater immediately becomes dirty
>say Yippie-Ki-Yay Motherfuckers before crawling into vent duct

UP YOURS NIGGER

You can't rape the willing, faggot.

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A man of culture, I see you have great taste in tunes and ball fondling fantasies.

Ask them what they do for their careers

Say that from my point of view being stuck in an elevator with the two of them is the high point of my life.

Then wait for the cock grabs and threesome to ensue.

cuddle with Brie

~Aye. May you come in your fine lady as Perseus discus-tosses Medusa's head, good sir. ~

If you're chad thundercock of course you can, but we arent all chad thundercock.

Pretend I don't know they are movie stars and be a regular person

>You have a large full water bottle you bought in the lobby
>And luckily all three of you used the bathroom before getting on the elevator.
I'm sure they will have to pee once again in these 24H... and here I am.

Use the condoms to suffocate Brie to death by shoving them down her throat. Use my and Natalie’s socks to put on Brie’s feet so they don’t stink up the place(those puppies probably stink anyway but after death it would get even worse I assume, seriously her feet are nasty). Since Natalie’s feet are exposed suck them because why not. Then fuck her raw since the condoms are down Brie’s throat, a worthy sacrifice. On a side note did you guys know at one point Brie was actually cute and not an insufferable bitch? How she became an awful worthless human being with a mediocre face, nasty feet and horrible attitude in a decade when she started out cute and sweet is a mystery we must solve so we don’t lose any other qts to this disease

Huh? You mean to tell me we're not? I thought this board was filled with dashing young men.

>condoms
Lmao check out this teenager

>On a side note did you guys know at one point Brie was actually cute and not an insufferable bitch?
Lol'd but she's just part French and thinks she's funnier than she is half the time.

>What do you do?
Call my fucking lawyer to tape the entire thing because I ended up in an elevator with jewish cumrag and man-hating post-wall basic white bitch, and I am not going to be kavanaughed to oblivion.

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No shit faggot, you're the one pretending to be someone else

>just selfish.
>roastie toastie immediately goes into G.I.B mode

>"Soooo, how bout that drumf?? ho boy, hes somethin else aint he"

It’s def more then that. She is literally the most insufferable person I have seen in my entire life. I’d rather spend time with that feminist Anita because at least she owns being a cunt.

We would all strip first then...
Foursome time! (assuming I brought my wife with me, if not, then it's a threesome)
They will all take turns having sex with me.
After hours of having sex, I will save them by finding a way.

Immediately announce I'm gay.

I'd stretch the condoms over Brie's tits then make Natalie fist her. Then I'd masturbate for 24 hours and shoot loads into the water bottle, and make them both drink it to survive.

I would smile at both of them and as loud as possible I would say: ''BOY I CANNOT WAIT TO VOTE FOR TRUMP AGAIN''.

>She is literally the most insufferable person I have seen in my entire life
So basically, a woman.

Use the water to keep hydrated. Throw away the condoms bc I only go in raw. Have sex.

>being honest about being selfish
>being a woman
Why are you like this?

god i want to impregnate brie and make her raise our white kids as a trad waifu

Sit in the corner and play with my phone.
Cause obviously those two won't make good conversation.

those creamy thighs and calves 10/10 there, 8/10 face.

Offer to give Hershlag all of my water in return for her peeing on my face when the time comes.

deny them my essence

Natalie would then accuse you of being a Zionist shill

>Times up
>Trump will get another 4 years still

Just for two things: the economy and North Korea.

>these digits being unchecked by so many

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>witnessed

They're old women and have forgotten about sex so I'll just work out and power nap. I won't share my water with them because I need to stay hydrated between sets.

>What do you do?
Realistically?
I'd probably start posting on Yea Forums about how I'm stuck in an elevator with Natalie Portman and Brie Larson

The trick would be trying to convince them to have sex with me. So I would start by trying to be proactive in the situation, finding ways to escape (pressing the emergency buttons, opening the hatchet above and seeing if we could be heard, etc.). During this moment I would attempt to generate witty rapport with them, making jokes about our scenario, setting up conversations that will come up later, testing the waters. I wouldn't bring up the fact that I know who they are until the situation is hopeless and we're stuck until somebody finds us.

With nothing else to do, I would bring the conversation to what we need to do to survive. I would have us all bring out whatever items we had on us, where I take out the water and my wallet, taking out the three condoms, as a joke of course. Put everything we have in a pile and decide when we'll use our belongings.

I then drop the fact that I'm in an elevator with two famous actresses, asking what they're doing in the building, their plans for the day, talking about my own life, etc.

Anyone have any ideas where to go from here? I'm kinda stuck.

Powerfuck Portman against the wall while she calls me Leon.
Make brie sing like a virgin while I'm smashing.

Kill toecheese, fuck portman, marry bottle.

two*

Play old school runescape on my phone

Enthuse to larson about natalie, asking "dont you know she's a movie star??"

Based

What the fuck do I need condoms for? I’d just bareback and cum inside both of those roasties over and over again, no fear.